Save the Kittens! Leon and Cloud's Story
by Kareen2006
Summary: Prequel/spinoff to 'Save the Kittens' depicting Leon and Cloud's story from the moment they were both brought into existence to the near present time in the main 'Save the Kittens' story. Their struggles, their history, and most certainly: their love.
1. Chapter 1

**Precursory Obligation on behalf of Kareen2006:**

This is a prequel/spinoff of _Save the Kittens!_

Read the main _Save the Kittens!_ story first to save me, you, and your dog the headache. I will not answer any reviews or PMs I get asking what I mean when something is happening. You should be familiar with the terms and the science happening in the story already. If not, then that's all on you.

* * *

**This story will contain:**

-Gratuitous sex

-Massive angst

-Rape and torture

-Drugs

-Inner mental dialogue

-Blood and gore

-War

-General violence

-Insulting comments that may actually offend real life people

-Grumpy comments

-Humorous antics

-Mushy things disguised as two cranky men bitching at each other

-Yet another made up world with elements from both Final Fantasy 7 and Final Fantasy 8 with a sprinkling of Kingdom Hearts

Good so far? Then you're a fan after my own heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Generally, when society thought of lions, a few words are always quick to emerge. Strong, majestic, powerful, 'king of the jungle' (though that phrase was entirely inaccurate), maybe even pride came to light. Pride in the sense of a group of lions, a family, one cohesive unit. One would expect the welcoming of such a creature into the world a miracle of nature. The bringing of a new generation of authoritative hunters to the world was supposed to be something of wonderment and awe. And, for the most part, it was. Everyone was excited and rushing around in a fevered pace to welcome the new life and get things back on track and headed in the right direction. A new species, a new generation, a new beginning.

It was beautiful, until they dropped him, that is.

Landing with a wet slap against the tile as his virgin limbs slipped through one of his attending Technician's butterfingers made everyone around them freeze and look to him. Searing eyes bore down on the mousy worker who visibly shrunk back to avoid them. The Carrier, who was only identified by his model number at this point, groaned as his nerves were abruptly awoken by a dull ache. The Technician was quick to try and pick him up again and 9x8b was fumbled onto an icy metal exam table. The Carrier was then assaulted by someone pulling his eye open and shoving what felt like a hot metal rod into his cornea. He was blinded for a moment before the light faded and was pulled away.

"Take him for testing. Make sure you didn't break anything," a low gravelly voice said, the face to which was giving the clumsy Technician a poignant glare.

9x8b felt himself being lifted again and set on a much softer surface, a gurney, and being wheeled away. He opened his eyes to see the ceiling and a series of lights zoom past his vision. He suddenly had the uncontrollable urge to cough as his lungs tightened involuntarily. He did so, expelling a few mouthfuls of gestational liquid from himself onto the gurney's padding and himself. So glamorous. His body felt so very heavy as he tried to roll onto his side. It took so much unreasonable effort, that he simply gave up halfway through and lay on his back, watching the world move past him. The coughing didn't cease though and warm hands pushed his shoulders up, sitting him upright so everything he was getting rid of had a place to go. By the time they reached the next exam room, he had coated the front of himself and a good portion of the gurney in a thin slime.

He was given a blanket to wrap up in as the shivers started. His entire body was cold and trembling. He folded his limbs around himself and stared at the gurney, the ache from being dropped having replaced itself with the unbearable twitching of his muscles. He was left alone for almost an hour. His quaking slowed from a constant to just a few tremors every now and again while his hair dried and lay against his face in lifeless tendrils. He thought a lot. He was aware of what he was, though he doubted he could explain it to anyone that didn't already know. He was aware of his Totem, and the desire to obtain his Charge. The details surrounding all of this were a bit fuzzy, but he was sure his family could help clear some of it up. He smiled to himself. Yes, his family. He wondered when they would come see him. Surely they had to know he was awake.

A Technician came in, and the Carrier's optimism bubbled as he smiled. He would be going to his home soon, hopefully. To his family, to the comfort, and out of the place he was now which wasn't nearly as appealing. The Technician focused on his tablet for several minutes, poking the device with his stylus and scrolling through the information. 9x8b sat still, his smile fading when the man didn't say anything, copper eyes focused on his task. The man pushed a piece of silvery gray hair out of his face when he was finished, looking to the Carrier with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Model number?" came the short demand.

"9x8b," he replied, his vocal chords cracking a bit with the effort.

"Totem?"

"_Pathera Leo_."

"Good," the Technician said, taking a note on his tablet. He stepped to the gurney and clicked a pen light and checked his eyes again. He held his finger in front of 9x8b's face for him to follow without moving his head, snapping his fingers next to either ear to see them twitch and react and did a brief visual check of all of his teeth.

"When do I get to see my family?" 9x8b asked anxiously after another hour of boring simple tests.

"You don't have one," the Technician said bluntly. The Carrier's optimism was immediately crushed. He suddenly wanted to crawl back into his gestational chamber for another twenty years. "You're going to be transported to your facility which is in Dome 813, and there you will be more thoroughly tested. After everything checks out, you will the start on your studies. Only after all of that, will your project really begin. You can select a Charge as soon as tomorrow though. You will probably have to wait several years before you can leave to retrieve them, so it shouldn't change your timeline much."

"Oh… but if I'm by myself, who's going to help me?"

"That is not my concern. The only thing I care about is results," the Technician said. He gathered his tablet and left quickly, calling another team of Technicians to transport him elsewhere. 9x8b hadn't even had the chance to walk, let alone gather much information. He had a vague inkling of what his project was and what he would be doing but everything technical was a blur.

He was lifted off of his sticky gurney and placed on another one that was rolled outside. His blanket was taken from him and a pair of beige shorts and a bland t-shirt was shoved in his arms. He stared at the clothing confusedly as he was lifted into the back of a van. Inside, the Technicians shoved him around as if he were a doll until he was properly forced into the fabric. He was still unbelievably cold. He huddled on the gurney shivering as it started to move, pulling away from the building, the Compound, and headed towards the Dome's gate.

* * *

"Hello, 9x8b," another Technician said. His voice was warm and soft, if a bit low and throaty. The previous Technician had been rather cold to him but this new one was the opposite. The Carrier could recall a passing conversation between the Technicians in the van about a man named 'Ansem,' and that he was a lunatic. 9x8b was leery of the man in front of him. "Can you stand?" he asked, holding a tablet up and poking at the screen with his stylus.

"I haven't been allowed to," the Carrier admitted.

"Go ahead and try," the Technician urged. The other nodded and scooted himself to the edge of the gurney and swung his legs over. The floor was icy on his virgin feet and he vaguely wondered if everything in his life would feel as if it had been refrigerated. He was tired of shivering already. But, he was standing, and that was a positive. He even took a few steps, getting a feel of his weight and how easily his body tried to accommodate movement. He could feel his muscles relax and his joints shift into what was normal and expected of a standard biped. The Technician took notes of the progress and the Carrier helped himself to strolling around the room. "My name is Ansem, if you didn't already know. You are in my jurisdiction of Domes so if there are any problems I will be handling them. Did Xemnas already examine you?"

"Nothing other than my face and reflexes," 9x8b said as he went to sit on the gurney again. Ansem gave a tired sigh.

"Would've saved me a lot of time if he was a bit more courteous," Ansem grumbled, mostly to himself. "Go ahead and disrobe and lay back on the exam table. The gurney is too high for me to see everything clearly."

The Carrier did as he was told, finagling the button and zipper of his shorts for several minutes until he could make his fingers work them properly. The exam table sent another wave of shivers through his body as he lay on it. Ansem hands weren't exactly all that warm either. The Carrier fought the urge to twitch and roll away from his touch through his entire physical exam. It got even worse when he had to roll onto his stomach and the freezing metal had to touch everything sensitive he had on him. Every inch was checked. Every hair was pushed around and every joint was bent. He was allowed to redress when Ansem was finished.

Nerve testing was next. He was hooked up to the nearest Catalogue terminal and Ansem threw just about every sensation as he could at the Carrier, making him cry out in pain and shiver with pleasure without laying a finger on him. It was during this process that 9x8b really started to understand how different he was from the people he had come in contact with so far. He hadn't been able to catch a glimpse of himself in a mirror yet to see his appearance before then, either. By the time Ansem had finished assaulting him, 9x8b was feeling a little depressed. He wanted to interact with family so badly, because they would understand. They'd understand how inhuman he felt and how much he didn't really want to be a Carrier. The idea that he'd be by himself without that support system to help him through the process was upsetting.

"Alright. Tomorrow we'll test your Link thoroughly as well as get your dental work done. For today though, Tifa will be helping you get adjusted. You will be staying with her and her Charge for a week before we can get you set up in your own room on the male side of the facility. After that, you can start looking for your Charge in the Catalogue as well as start your studies. Sound good?" Ansem asked.

9x8b nodded, feeling less than confident. Ansem frowned a little.

"Are you alright?" he asked. The Carrier shrugged.

"Disappointed, I guess. I sort of expected a family to wake up to."

"Well, it all has to start somewhere, doesn't it? I think the opportunity to start and run the program the way you want to is a pretty good way to make up for what you don't have. But remember, nothing is going to stay the same. From this point forward everything will change a little bit at a time. The sooner you get the preliminary things done and find your Charge, the quicker you can start building your family. You do understand you ultimate goal, yes?"

"…I hadn't really gotten past the family part to think about much else."

"Ah, I see. Understandable. But you're a part of something much greater than just your Carrier family. You need to rebuild your Totem, and that is probably even more satisfying than having other Carriers of your kind to interact with. It doesn't end with your immediate family, don't forget. Though they're important, your main focus should be your Totem."

9x8b heaved a heavy sigh and nodded.

"Good," Ansem said. "It may help if you picked a name soon and gave yourself some color and life to look at once you get the chance."

"Okay," the Carrier deadpanned. He stood again and Ansem lead him out of the lab they had picked and wandered through the winding and nonsensical halls of the facility. 9x8b had been brought to the male side of the facility for testing and he didn't bother to pay attention to the directions they were walking because he didn't see the point. The whole building didn't make any sense. There were bedrooms next to laboratories, next to stasis stations, next to the cafeteria, all in a seemingly random order with dull gray walls and cold white floors. It was an abysmal place so far in his book, and he wasn't looking forward to coming back after his week was up with 'Tifa.'

Outside was better than inside, he decided. There was grass and sunshine and fresh air to breathe, things to do, and people willing to visit, or so he assumed. There weren't a lot of bodies to mingle with inside, seeing as everyone was closed up in their labs, but the activity outside seemed more normal, more social. The wavy glass panels of the dome overhead gave the setting sunlight a bit of an iridescent sheen over the landscape. He watched his feet and focused on the feeling of grass between his toes as he followed Ansem across the field towards the female building. Once inside, he pouted inwardly a bit, having lost the feeling of earth under his feet. Outside was _definitely_ better than inside.

They were greeted in the entryway of the female building by a woman, as expected, but the man that was with her was hardly what 9x8b thought he would see. He was in a wheelchair. The Carrier was thoroughly confused and he looked to Ansem who wasn't paying attention to him. The Technician greeted the female with a warm smile and a hug while he shook hands with the man in the chair. They carried on a brief conversation that consisted of a lot of nodding on Ansem's part. The Technician left afterward, giving him a pat on his shoulder with a promise of seeing him the next day. 9x8b stood in the hallway, shivering a bit. The woman wheeled the man over to him, both of them smiling away.

"Hi, I'm Tifa," she said happily. She patted the man's shoulder. "This is Zack, my Charge."

"Hey," Zack said with a broad smile and a wave. 9x8b waved back, staying quiet. He didn't really know what to make of the pair just yet. Tifa, all smiles, approached him and started fussing with his hair. It was shoulder length, like everyone started out with, but the gestational liquid had dried it into disheveled chunks that she pushed around, trying to make him a bit more presentable.

"I don't expect you to be Mr. Social Butterfly just yet but we should at least get you talking and more comfortable with us. We _are_ going to be living together for the week, yes?" she asked. The male Carrier nodded as she took his arm and started leading him down the hallway. Zack wheeled himself along right at their sides.

"Where are we going?" 9x8b asked quietly.

"So you _can_ talk. Well, first we're going to get you cleaned up. Sound good?" she asked. He nodded again. They walked together quietly, weaving through nonsensical hallways for over twenty minutes. 9x8b couldn't really keep track of where they were going and was surprised Tifa even knew where they were. They eventually ended up in a bedroom. It was very…purple. It was the best way to describe everything. Varying shades and tints of violet adorned nearly every piece of furniture he could see, even the floor had a large lavender rug filling up most of the free space over the tiles. Most of the adornments otherwise were either woven or made of glass. Doilies, vases, tiny trinkets of every variety littered the tops of the armoires and floating shelves they had installed at one point. Zack wheeled himself to the bed and Tifa bent down and helped pick him up from under his armpits and wobble onto the mattress. Zack hissed in pain as he reclined back against the pillows (also purple) and got comfortable. 9x8b was confused but Tifa took his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom.

The door closed and she went about digging in a nearby cabinet for a couple towels. 9x8b went to the mirror and looked at himself for the first time. He raked his fingers through his tangled hair and pulled it back from his face. Perfect unblemished skin, serious eyes, a slim nose, pouty lips, and soft cheek bones was not what he was expecting, but he couldn't complain. Tifa giggled a bit and patted his shoulder.

"You're pretty," she said. He scowled.

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome." She clicked on the shower and held her hand under the spray, gauging the temperature. "Come on then," she encouraged when it was just right. She started undressing, tossing the clothing aside without a care before stepping into the shower. He hesitated, a bit unsure of himself. He didn't really register her nudity or even pay attention to her being the opposite gender, but he wasn't really sure what she was expecting of him. When he didn't move right away she stuck her head out from behind the curtain. "Come on," she said. She waited until he started pulling his clothing off before going back to where she was.

She stepped out of the spray for him and he shuffled under. Almost immediately his legs turned to jelly as violent shivers shook his body. She caught him and lowered him to the tiled floor, helping him sit upright. He hugged his legs to his chest and she turned the water temperature up. The shivering was almost painful and every nerve in his body was tingling. His teeth chattered and clacked together so much his jaw started to hurt. He was scared, unable to understand what his problem was but Tifa just knelt next to him and rubbed his back.

"W-w-wha—" he stuttered, unable to finish.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked. He nodded shakily. "Nothing. Your skin is adjusting to life outside the gestation tank. Tap water is not the same as what you've been growing in for the last…twenty years or so, just taking a rough guess, I don't actually know how old you are. Your body needs to stop trying to absorb nutrients from wherever it can get it from. This is a good way to help the process along."

"I d-d-on't—"

"Understand, I know. It's okay. You will eventually. It should stop in a little bit," she said. She scooted around behind him and sat back against the wall with her legs open. She gently pulled him back until he reclined against her, resting against her chest. She pet his hair gently, calmingly, allowing the shivers to run their course. He squeezed his eyes closed and after almost a half hour, they slowed, until it was back to the way it was before, just a few tremors here and there every few minutes. He was able to stand again. She handed him a bar of soap and some shampoo and conditioner and left him to it. She waited outside the shower for him and helped him dry.

"All clean?" Zack asked cheerfully when they went back into the bedroom proper. 9x8b nodded and stood off to the side as Tifa ran a brush through her damp hair, going to sit on the bed. The awkward silence lasted for a few minutes and he wondered if it would've been this strange had he had a family to wake up to. Nothing around him made him think of comfort. Nothing smelled like him or his Totem. It was…sterile. Empty. It smelled like Zack and Tifa but they weren't exactly his family so he couldn't fall into the comfortable familiarity. It was cold, and reminded him of just how alone he was.

"What's wrong?" Tifa asked, taking in the other Carrier's downtrodden expression. 9x8b shook his head.

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"You sure?" she pressed, looking concerned. He didn't want to lie, he didn't want to feel that depressed, but he didn't think she could comfort him much either. He thought quickly for something else to say.

"Just… curious," he lied.

"Oh?"

"About… Zack?" he asked, even he didn't know where this was going. The pair in the bed exchanged a look. Zack looked back to him and pointed to the wheelchair.

"This? It's temporary. I just got home from the hospital a couple days ago. I had a liver transplant. It was awesome. They let me see the new one before the surgery. It was blue, completely synthetic, and they had an entire closet of them. I was _fascinated_," he said, chuckling a bit. Tifa smiled. None of that information made any sense to 9x8b. He didn't know what a liver was, what a transplant was, or what synthetic meant. Really, he only had the concept of 'blue' but that didn't tell him anything.

"Oh," he deadpanned. Tifa giggled, knowing exactly what he was thinking and how much he didn't understand.

"Well, now that you're clean, what did you want to do? Or maybe a better question would be how do you feel?" she asked. 9x8b thought about it, and had to really focus to come up with a term.

"Tired," he proclaimed. Tifa nodded and patted the space in the bed in between her and Zack.

"You should be. Being born is a lot of work. You can sleep, though I don't expect it to be very restful. It'll take a bit before your body can adjust to sleeping on a solid surface," she said. He nodded and crawled across the comforter and scooted into place. Tifa tucked him in and gave him an extra pillow. He rolled around in place to get comfortable, and settled in after about an hour of tossing.

* * *

"Tifa."

"Hmm?"

"…The bed is wet."

"Oh my…" she trailed with a concerned face. Zack let out a long grumbling sigh. "Oh stop it, he can't help it."

"My pants are wet."

"I'm sure they are."

"He's totally facing me, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Great, right in the line of fire."

"Stop it."

"It's hard for me to rationalize this. He's an adult," the Charge muttered.

"Right, but he was born yesterday. I did it too when I was just matured. It takes some getting used to," Tifa cooed and reached over to pet 9x8b's hair.

"Okay, well, you have to help me change," Zack said and jerkily pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"I'll take care of it," Tifa said and took the other Carrier's shoulder and shook him gently.

"I'm awake," 9x8b sighed. He hadn't gotten more than two hours worth of sleep over the last nine and he was feeling it.

"Alright, go get yourself in the shower and get cleaned up. I'll change the sheets and find you some new clothing," she said calmly. The other Carrier sighed again and tossed the top blankets off himself and scooted out of the bed. The lights were off and he was thankful. His utter embarrassment was plain on his face and he never wanted to feel that way again. Experiencing such a whirlwind of emotions over the course of his first day was stressful. He could hardly focus on anything and was frustrated. Why did life outside his warm tube have to be so difficult? He could only assume it would get worse, especially when he had to start doing actual work.

It was around that time he decided he needed to get started as soon as possible so he could eliminate some of the negativity he was feeling. The embarrassment from wetting the bed was temporary but the heaviness and loneliness that was dragging him down further would clear up when he found his Charge. As he turned on the shower he wondered how long he would have to wait. He almost wanted to ask Tifa where the nearest Catalogue was so he could see his options. But as he stepped into the shower, the violent shivering started again and he had to put a hand on the wall to steady himself. They didn't reduce him to a huddling heap, and lasted only a few minutes, but they were just as annoying. He had been shivering on and off since he left the gestation chamber and was tired of it by this point.

By the time he finished, Tifa had come in and left a clean set of clothing for him to use. He left the bathroom dressed and clean again. The sheets had been changed and Zack was replaced in the bed with clean pants. 9x8b fidgeted a bit at the foot of the bed, almost afraid to get back in and sleep. Tifa fluffed the pillows for him and gave him an expectant look.

"Come on, then," she urged. He hesitated and she gave him a pleading look. "It's alright, really. Everyone does it at some point. I was expecting it."

"You were?" Zack asked, giving her a quizzical glance.

"Yes, that's why there's a plastic bed pad under the fitted sheet," she said. Zack scowled and pressed on the mattress, feeling the slight crunch under him.

"Huh. I thought I was just imagining things," he said thoughtfully.

"I've done this before, Zack. Trust me. He's normal," she said and looked back to 9x8b. He shuffled back into his spot and pulled the covers up to his eyes, shrinking down as much as he could in an embarrassed fit. Tifa smiled and settled back down as well and pulled him towards her. He rolled onto his side for her and she tucked his face under her chin. He cuddled into her collar bones and she hugged him close, curling an arm up to pet his hair soothingly.

"You know, if I didn't know how motherly you get, I would be jealous," Zack teased.

"Good thing you're aware then, yes?" she asked with a giggle.

* * *

"When did you get up?" Tifa asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes a bit. When she had awoken, 9x8b wasn't in bed. It was later that morning and she was worried he had wandered off somewhere. But then she noticed the light streaming out of the little room where her Catalogue terminal was next to the bathroom. He was sitting in the chair poking away at the crystalline keyboard, having figured out how to hook into his Link and start it up. He looked to her, feeling a bit guilty. He didn't know if he should be doing what he was doing, or if Tifa even wanted him in her chair or not.

"A couple hours ago, I guess," he said quietly and poked at the keys some more. He stumbled through everything not really knowing what he was doing, but it was better than lying in bed and being useless. "How do I find my Charge choices?" he asked, sounding a bit impatient, accentuating his point with more poking.

"So soon?" Tifa asked.

"Yes. As soon as possible. I need to get started."

"You haven't even studied anything or… eaten anything yet. It's too soon to start looking."

"Says you."

"Yes, and I happen to be forty years older than you so I think I know what I'm talking about," she insisted, getting a bit annoyed. 9x8b glared ahead of himself at the screen of nonsensical gibberish he couldn't really understand. He could read the words just fine, but what they did and their purposes were still unreachable. He let out a frustrated huff.

"Are you an original?" he asked, looking to her with a light glare.

"You mean was I the first of my Totem?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Then you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what it's like to wake up and have some of the first thoughts you have be about a family that doesn't even exist yet, and won't exist for a long time. Then… you can't sleep and you toss and turn and all you think about is 'I really wish I had someone that at least shared a little bit of my scent so I would feel more secure.' And you do that for _hours_! No, _I_ did that for hours! I finally couldn't take it anymore and just _had_ to do _something_ to take my mind off of it!" he barked at her. She flinched back a bit and watched 9x8b pull his legs to his chest and stare ahead of himself, his eyes welling up with angry tears. It just wasn't fair. He didn't fully understand what he was feeling but he couldn't help himself. He didn't know if it was normal to get this upset over something that's repairable or if everyone felt like that at some point. Tifa was almost at as much of a loss as he was, having never taken care of an original Carrier before. She mostly just helped her siblings.

"You need to try and control yourself," she said with a small sigh. 9x8b sucked in a breath, tears trickling down his cheeks. He wiped at his face and sniffled loudly. Tifa went to him and rubbed his back. "I know it's hard to deal with emotions you haven't had a chance to understand yet, but you need to try. I understand the frustration, and I may not be able to relate, but I can understand the loneliness too. But it's hardly been two days since you've come here. You really shouldn't be so concerned about getting started right away. You have more than enough time to get adjusted and do everything correctly. Give it some time for your own sake."

"I want to see though…" 9x8b trailed, trying his hardest to pull himself together and wipe away the tears. He sniffled loudly and heaved a shaky sigh. "I want to see my options."

"They may change by tomorrow. They come and go; there is no point in torturing yourself and getting attached to one before you're ready to really decide."

"If they change so often, then it's more important to look at them. What if I miss one that's perfect?"

"Perfect doesn't exist, sweety."

"…Sweety?"

"Yes," she giggled. "You don't have a name and I don't really want to call you by your model number."

"Oh," he said, furrowing his brows a bit in contemplation. The last of his tears were wiped away and stuck his fingers in his mouth to unplug himself from the Catalogue. Tifa startled when she realized what he was doing.

"No don—!" she was cut off as 9x8b unhooked himself. Instantly his heart rate picked up and the organ thudded against his ribcage. His chest tightened painfully and he found he suddenly couldn't breathe very well. He doubled over, clutching his chest, nearly falling out of the chair. Tifa was right there to help, making sure he didn't crumple onto the floor and hurt himself. She rubbed his back again. "You didn't shut the Catalogue down properly before disconnecting. That's not a good thing to do. It'll pass, just give it a minute," she explained. 9x8b let out a pained squeak as the clenching lasted another minute. When it dissipated, he panted a bit to regain his breath, feeling nauseous.

"I don't… I don't feel right…"

"It's painful, I know. It'll be alright."

"…No I—" he choked out before promptly vomiting on the floor in front of him. Tifa startled and scrambled away from him. He didn't have much to expel, and it was mostly liquid but that didn't make it any more desirable. He coughed several times afterward, the bile burning at his throat. Tifa let out a tiny sigh before exiting the room and going to find some cleaning supplies. 9x8b sat by himself, his mind reeling. That wasn't exactly what he was expecting. Tifa came back several moments later with a box, a broom, a dust pan, a mop, and a bucket.

"Go take a shower and lay down. We can handle things in a little bit. I'll take care of this," she said and opened the box and started sprinkling absorbent crystals on the puddle. 9x8b scooted out of the way for her and did as he was told.

* * *

"Well, it sounds like you're well on your way to greatness," Ansem chuckled as he went to retrieve the dental supplies from the storage closet at the back of the lab. 9x8b's exam was due to start soon but he had wasted a good ten minutes telling Ansem about his first day and his morning. He wasn't feeling any better by the time the Technician arrived and moped about the lab while Ansem got his things together. Eventually, he lay back on the exam table and Ansem got to work. The Technician clicked around in his teeth with various pointy implements the Carrier couldn't even comprehend for about twenty minutes. 9x8b sighed a bit as the time pressed on without any conversation to distract him. All he could think about was his potential Charge candidates. "What's wrong?" Ansem asked.

_I'm bored of you already. I need to be doing something else_, the Carrier thought to himself. He stayed quiet otherwise, not wanting to confess his eagerness and come off as ignorant again. He already felt strange being around Tifa after everything that had transpired. Ansem gave him a concerned face.

"Not so talkative anymore? Well…that's fine. But if there are any problems, let me know. As for your teeth," he started, poking and scraping against a couple, "they're fine. You need to be extra careful and take care of them, though. They are the most important part of your body, believe it or not. If you harm your teeth, you risk harming the point of access for your Link. That would lead to serious problems. The Link is what makes you a Carrier. Without it, your body's equilibrium would be off balance and you'd destroy yourself from the inside. Scary, yes?"

"Hnng…" 9x8b grumbled around the metal probe in his mouth. Ansem smiled.

"But, take care of yourself and you won't have any problems. You'll live a long time," he assured and sat back, pulling all his instruments away and allowing the Carrier to sit up. 9x8b ran his tongue over his teeth quietly, trying to feel for a difference, but he couldn't find any. His canines were just as long and pointy as they were before and his human teeth were just as blunt. He supposed he would understand later why it was important to have an exam so soon, but he was curious. Ansem took his tools over to the sink and started cleaning them. "We only have one more thing to do before I release you."

"And that is?" the Carrier questioned. Ansem went to a nearby cabinet and retrieved a metal cylinder with buttons on the lid. He opened the container and dug out a small plastic cup with a lid, similar to a film canister, and held it out to the Carrier.

"I need to make sure your reproductive organs are… functional," the Technician said casually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. The Carrier scowled.

"And how exactly am I supposed to show you that?" he grumbled, taking the cup from him.

"Well… masturbation is generally the way to go about it. But, I can force it from you by using the Catalogue if you're really against it."

_Mastur—what? _ 9x8b thought while he gaped at the Technician confusedly. When Ansem didn't get an answer from him right away he went to the Catalogue and pulled the cord out from behind the screen and as much excess as he could in order to reach the Carrier.

"I'm not about to teach you how to masturbate. It's a hit or miss with a lot of new Carriers that I come across. Some understand and some don't. It's alright, just make sure you catch everything in the cup," he said, holding the cord out to him expectantly. 9x8b took it with a suspicious look before connecting the hookup to his Link. "Good. Just remove your shorts and I'll handle the rest. I won't watch."

The Carrier scooted out of his clothing as he was told and sat on the icy table, still a bit confused. He didn't have much of a grasp of the idea that his exposure was supposed to make him feel embarrassed, especially around a man he hardly knew. The concept of modesty wasn't one that came naturally for most Carriers. But, Ansem did as he said anyway and sat at the Catalogue terminal with his back to him, typing away and bringing up the application they had used the previous day, the one that could stimulate 9x8b's nerves. The Technician spun the dial on the seamless glass keyboard, increasing the slow tingling that traveled down the Carrier's spine and swooped around to his pelvis. The arousal was quick, nearly painful, and surprised him. Ansem didn't stop though and turned the dial more, forcing the Carrier to let out a yelp and grip the table. The rush came at him so quickly he had very little time to remember what he was supposed to be doing.

By the time it was finished, he had had a stunning revelation of what modesty was and how valuable it could be. It felt so _wrong_ to be stimulated like that, almost dirty. He shakily reached for his shorts, glaring at the back of Ansem's head, spitefully happy that he had _totally_ missed the cup.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

For many, a glass of milk for breakfast and a couple of raw eggs sounds absolutely disgusting. But, for 9x8b it was just fine. It took his digestive system another two days to wake up and tell him he was hungry, but when it did, it was almost painful. It scared him at first, hearing his body make so many grumbles in protest, but Tifa assured him that they were good signs and it was normal. He took her word for it. He stared at his consumables for the better part of a half hour before finally trying to eat them, forcing his throat to swallow and not close up and choke him.

Zack watched him with a small amused smile from across the table while Tifa ate her solid meat chunks happily. The milk didn't taste like much and 9x8b had mixed feelings about it, but he managed to drink it all anyway. Then he stared at the bowl of eggs, trying to decide how he was to go about this one. The glass that held his milk was a bit easier to maneuver. Zack, who was finished with his meal, took it upon himself to use his fork to scramble the eggs a bit and retrieve a straw for him. The Carrier thanked him and ate quietly.

There was a loud _clack_ as another mealtime participant plopped his tray down on the table next to Tifa. 9x8b snorted and choked a little in surprise, his eyes flying to the newcomer. Tifa startled as well. The other Carrier, a male, sat heavily in his seat, propping his elbows up on the table and holding his face in his hands. Silvery white hair fell around him like a veil as a hoarse sob ripped from his throat and he started to break down. He carried on for a few minutes, everyone around him in a stunned silence, before he shoved his tray away and folded his arms on the table and laid his face on them, his cries reverberating off the surface and echoing. The other denizens of the cafeteria quieted, looking at them. 9x8b was confused.

"Riku, when did you get back?" Tifa asked, reaching over and rubbing between his shoulder blades. The Carrier sniffed loudly, pulling his face up just enough to answer, revealing bright aqua eyes that had been bloodshot from too much crying.

"Day before yesterday," he squeaked out, clenching his teeth in an effort to keep himself under control. Tifa's brows knitted together in concern and she scooted her chair closer to him, sliding her arm around his shoulders and pulling him to herself. Riku took the opportunity to cling to her around her midsection and bury his face in her breasts as another sob escaped him. Zack wheeled around and parked himself next to them, rubbing Riku's back with an unhappy scowl. 9x8b didn't know what to say.

_Back from where? _He thought. Zack and Tifa seemed to know what was going on, and he really wished they would clue him in before he had to say anything. He busied himself with sucking down the rest of his eggs as Riku continued his fit. It lasted another ten minutes, the rest of the cafeteria patrons having gone back to their conversations and ignoring them. Riku sat back sniffling and trying to catch his breath while wiping his eyes and nose.

"Want to talk about it?" Tifa asked. Riku sniffed loudly again, shaking his head.

"There's nothing to talk about. Stasis killed her. I have to start over," he said blandly. 9x8b blinked confusedly at him. Zack mumbled an angry '_well shit_' under his breath with a sigh. Tifa gaped at Riku.

"What can I do to help?" she asked hurriedly. Riku shrugged, his chin quivering and his breath shaking.

"Nothing," he whispered sadly, eyes welling up again. "Ansem says I can stay here for the rest of the week but I have to move back to the male building afterward. Unless I pick out another female Charge before then…" he trailed, sniffling again. Tifa scowled.

"That's terrible, expecting you to move on so quickly," she grumbled with an angry huff. Riku shrugged again.

"I doubt I'll go back to Plane 001. I can find another one with a longer timeline or something somewhere else, to give myself a chance to get over it, I guess."

"Don't push yourself. And don't base your decision on staying here, either. It's not like you can't just walk across the field to come and visit," Tifa chided.

"Have you considered Plane 087?" Zack asked. Riku shrugged.

"I have, but those timelines are so disjointed and I'd only have a few years to prepare. I'm not ready to go that quickly…"

"Well yeah, but I was thinking when you _were_ ready, you could get going quickly."

_Quickly?_ 9x8b thought to himself.

"I don't know, I just… I'm so out of it," Riku sighed and sniffled again, wiping stray tears from his face. Zack patted his shoulder.

"That's expected. No one blames you," he said. Riku nodded and looked to 9x8b with a wobbly smile.

"Hi. Sorry. This probably isn't the best first impression. I'm Riku."

"Hello," 9x8b said quietly, afraid to say much else.

"He doesn't have a name yet," Tifa interjected. Riku nodded.

"Those take time," he said, pulling his tray back to himself and picking at his food. Tifa returned to her meal as well, looking depressed. It took her all of forty-five seconds to come up with a smile, as she deliberately changed the topic to something more cheerful.

"Speaking of names. Have you thought of one?" she asked. 9x8b shook his head.

"How about Carl?" Zack offered, wheeling himself back to his place at the table. Tifa wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"No."

"Alfred?"

"Ick."

"Paul."

"No."

"Ignatius," he blurted with a snort. Tifa gave him a disgruntled face.

"I fear for our future children," she said.

"Oh come on, my uncle's middle name was Ignatius. It's not that bad."

"I pity your uncle then."

"How about Martin?"

"No…it doesn't fit his face," she said, looking 9x8b over with a scrutinizing eye.

"Leonard?" the Charge offered. Tifa tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"No, but Leon could work. Leo… lion… it sort of makes sense. How about it?" she said, looking to 9x8b for input. The Carrier shrugged. Zack smiled.

"I like it," he agreed.

"I don't have much of a preference," 9x8b said.

"Good because that's what I'm going to call you," Zack said with a matter-of-fact tone. Leon nodded distractedly. He wasn't paying much attention to the pair's banter; he was still thinking about Riku's story and wondering just how quickly he could get started if he chose a Charge from Plane 087.

* * *

"Riku's Charge was female, right?" Leon questioned the next day, sitting in Tifa and Zack's lab, browsing the Catalogue and searching for colors for his hair and eyes. Tifa was hooked up to a silicone tube leading down to a bag. She squeezed a little ball in her hand, helping the blood flow down the tube to fill said bag. She looked bored.

"Yes," she answered, giving the ball another squeeze.

"Why does that matter?" he asked.

"In what context? For the project or how she died?"

"How she died."

"Oh. Human women who cross over have a hard time adjusting to our environment through stasis. The amount of estrogen they have sometimes keeps certain chemicals from being absorbed. The stasis liquid has to stay stable in order for it to be safe so if they absorb some stuff but leave an excess or the other stuff, that throws it off and then the stasis turns toxic. It's a very fine line between stable and unstable and it happens so quickly that it's very difficult to prevent," she explained. There was a beep as the machine the bag of blood was hanging from decided that the bag was full. Zack wheeled over and unhooked her before taking the bag and going to set it in a storage cylinder.

"So I should just eliminate the negative odds and just choose a male," Leon concluded, mostly to himself.

"Well, it's never a sure thing. The women here have no problem with stasis but they're just using it to extend their lives, not adjust to a new environment. The stasis the public uses is different from what we have here, but every Charge has to do it, and everyone has _some_ estrogen in them so there's always a risk. But yes, it is a substantially smaller percentage as far as mortality goes when there are men involved."

"Right, so I should choose a male," Leon repeated.

"You choose whoever you think is right. Don't rush," Tifa said, pressing an adhesive bandage over the little dot the needle left in her arm. The other Carrier browsed his options thoughtfully for another few minutes as the pair behind him got to work again.

"Tell me about Plane 087," he said finally, causing Tifa and Zack to stop what they were doing and exchange a concerned look with one another.

"I know where this is going," Tifa sighed. Zack seemed more interested and wheeled himself away from the Extractor over to Leon's side.

"It's where I'm from," he said. Leon looked to him, not having much to say. He was intrigued though. "Not many Carriers go there because it's pretty hostile. But, the tradeoff is that a lot of them can leave in less than ten years to go find their Charges."

"Hostile?" Leon asked. Zack took a minute to think.

"Probably around eighty percent of the world is at war, and it has been for hundreds of years. And I mean the active combat-people-dying-every-day war. Not the tensions-are-high-but-we're-tired-of-fighting kind of war. It's pretty rough if you happen to get caught in it."

"Were you caught in it?"

"The military tried to draft me. They got so far as to get me into basic training before I basically told them to 'fuck off' and uprooted my life and ran to neutral territory. Then I drank myself silly. And… now I'm here. There's a lot more to it than that actually, but those were the main events. Sort of a cowardly story, really, but I'm happier for it."

"You did what you felt was right, Zack. Don't downplay what it was," Tifa chided from across the room. Zack shrugged and rolled his eyes with a lopsided smile.

"Why would Riku get to start sooner if he went there?" Leon persisted, which is what he was really after.

"Well, it has to do with the timeline. Other planes that the Technicians watch follow our plane in a pretty consistent line. Parallel, sometimes veering off a little bit but they're pretty much always where we can see and monitor them," Zack explained, holding his hands sideways and close together to illustrate his point. "Plane 087 is different. Its path is like a giant zigzag. It bends in and out of our plane at fairly regular intervals and it's only at those intersections that the Technicians can get in there and work on finding out about the world and all the stuff they do. Consequently, they can only send Carriers over there when that doorway is open and the Carriers can't come back for regular checkups like ones that go to Plane 001 do. If you chose a Charge from there you could very well be there for several years before they're born, unlike normally where you're sent in only a few days before. But the doorway opens every six years or so. So when you choose a Charge from there, you have until the next opening to get ready to leave, which in a lot of cases, is significantly quicker than other planes."

"The environment there is so hostile, and the war so violent that the planet is slowly dying, Leon. One of the sides is winning, and consequently, their lifestyle is literally sucking the life out of everything in their path. The Technicians aren't going to send any more Carriers over there in the next fifty years or so. They honestly think that that plane isn't going to survive for another seventy-five. _If_ everyone there is lucky," Tifa said with an air of sadness to her voice. She finished what she was doing before going to his side and giving him serious eyes. "If you're really considering going there, you need to be prepared for the worst. A good portion of the population is military. Your Charge could die before you get anywhere with them. Because the Technicians can only get in and stay for a limited time, they have minimal information for Charge candidates. Names, a face, and sometimes an age are really all the facts you can get in some cases. We don't know when a lot of them are going to die or if they're really the kind of people fit to be here."

"The benefit of that though, is that anyone is game in the Technician's eyes. In the near future, the planet will die. There isn't any doubt about that, even if we don't know exactly when, so they're signing up anyone to be a Charge that they can see. You could get some homeless guy that's meaningless and has never been educated or you can get one of the most brilliant scientists they have, you just don't know, but the possibilities are there that you'd get someone great," Zack said.

"It's difficult. Their animals are different than ours, their lifestyles, and their languages are nothing like what we have here. There are a lot of similarities, but not enough to forgo extensive study. A telephone is still a telephone but the energy it uses to run is different. I was fortunate enough to stay out of the military while I was there, but some of the things that those soldiers can do is… it's physically impossible here. I can't even describe it," Tifa said. "Their atmosphere is the same, you can breathe the air and walk under the sun normally, but the stuff under the surface, the stuff that makes the planet is vastly different."

"So…it's different. And hostile. But I can get started sooner?" Leon asked. Zack and Tifa exchanged a look with one another before looking back to the other Carrier. Leon affixed them with a look of pure determination. "If that plane isn't going to be accessible in the next fifty years, then I better seize the opportunity while it's still around. No use wasting time just because things may get difficult. I can study and learn what I need to."

"It isn't that cut and dry," Tifa insisted. Leon was done hearing her trying to stop him though, already formulating plans in his head. To illustrate his point he picked a neutral russet brown color for his hair and quickly picked a reasonable grayish-blue for his eyes. Seemed normal enough. He switched to the style Catalogue and picked the first one that caught his eye, taking a cue from Zack on what _not_ to do with his hair. It was short, wispy and didn't fall past his chin. Nothing stuck up at weird angles and nothing poked out and looked like antennae. He could tuck it behind his ears and out of his face, which was enough for him. Once he confirmed his choices, his body went to work, pulling the excess hair back into itself until it was the appropriate length.

"So how do I figure out my choices?" Leon asked blandly, poking at the keyboard. Tifa let out an irritated huff.

"You aren't listening, it's ver—"

"I heard you. I could die. I could fail and my Charge can die. And I have very little time to prepare. But you know what? I feel it's the same thing if I were to sit here for years and years without any progress as the lack of any of my kind to talk to eats away at me. I _need_ something _quickly_."

"You're overreacting. Everyone starts like this and you can't expe—"

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do! I was told I have the opportunity to start and run the project the way I want to and this is what I want! If you won't help me, then I can't stay here. It's a waste of time," Leon barked, his brows creasing into a glare at the woman. Tifa stared at him defiantly for a few minutes, refusing to help him in his recklessness. Eventually, Leon huffed angrily and exited out of the Catalogue before disconnecting himself and standing. He stomped towards the doors.

"Where are you going?" Tifa asked, a bit surprised.

"To do things myself," the other Carrier spat over his shoulder before leaving them. Zack sighed a bit and looked to Tifa.

"He's right you know," he said. Her jaw dropped.

"You can't be serious. If he just jumps into this without even thinking, he'll be killed."

"But he has the right to do things as he likes. How long did you wait until you picked me?" he asked.

"A year," she said. Zack shrugged.

"If you had been by yourself, how long do you think you would've waited?"

"…I don't know."

"Right. Whatever Charge he picks, he won't be leaving tomorrow to go find. He'll have time to learn everything, and even if he doesn't learn it all here, he has the time while his Charge grows up to finish his studies."

"Why are you supporting him? Don't you understand the risk?" Tifa insisted.

"I do understand the risk, but wouldn't you risk everything to find me again if you had to?" Zack asked. Tifa stared at him, wordless for several minutes.

"That's not even fair," she said. He shrugged.

"It's not fair of us to discourage him, either."

"But he isn't even considering other options."

"How do we know that? He only asked about Plane 087, what if he got pissed and left before he asked about the others?"

"Zack…" Tifa sighed sadly.

"Tifa, listen to me," he said, turning his chair around to face her properly. She gave him a hopeless expression. "My home is dying. My friends and my family might even live long enough to see the end of it. If there are Carriers that are willing to go the extra mile to bring people over here, to save their lives, to live out the rest of their days in _peace_ and with a _purpose_, then I don't think we should deny anyone that opportunity. I'm happier here. Hell I'm even more healthier here, and I was even before the transplant, and I get to wake up without the fear of someone finding me and trying to drag me back into the military to fight a pointless war that's going to destroy everything I ever loved. I want other people to have that. I'm not going to make Leon feel guilty or selfish for doing me that favor."

"Zack, for all we know, he could be the only Carrier the Technicians have for his Totem. We don't know if they have enough DNA to make another one. If he dies, that's the end of it. There is no second chance here. We don't have a backup pl—"

"Take some of his blood," Zack interjected.

"What?"

"Take some of his blood," he repeated. "If it's really that much of a concern, then just clone him if he dies. There is _always_ a backup plan. Carriers can be recreated. Entire planets can't."

"We're trying to recreate this one," Tifa insisted.

"Yeah but you have some of your world to work with. If I understand what that stupid war was about, then by the end of it, there will be _nothing_ left to build from. Half the damn planet is already a wasteland, you know that. The difference between your war and my war is that yours stopped. People stopped and said 'oh fuck, we sort of really screwed up, let's work together to fix it.'"

"How do you know yours won't be the same?"

"Because it's been going on for hundreds of years! If it hasn't stopped by now, why would it stop any time soon?" Zack asked, rubbing his brows with a shaky sigh. "I'm done talking about it. I'm getting upset and I don't want to say things I don't really mean. You can stay here if you want, but I'm going to help Leon," he said and wheeled himself away. Tifa stood in her place, irritated beyond anything she had ever felt before. She watched him leave with a deep frown before giving a frustrated huff and kicking a nearby exam table.

* * *

Leon really wanted to find the architect that designed the facility buildings and kick him in the shin. Or her. He'd kick a woman in the shin if it meant he could knock some sense into her for her horribly flawed layout plan. He was lost and extremely frustrated. He wandered the halls, hoping someone would stop him and ask if he needed directions so he wouldn't have to openly admit just how lost he really was. He tried to piece together the few places he had been and link those together with the front entrance he had come through on his first day. It was difficult, and he was getting nowhere fast. He eventually found and exit, but it wasn't where he thought it would lead. He had found the facility's obstacle course, and on it, was a snow leopard.

There wasn't anyone out there with the cat and Leon halfway expect there to at least be a Charge hanging around. It took him a minute to piece together who the snow leopard really was and he had the sudden urge to leave. He really didn't want to be around Riku and think about dead Charges and other discouraging things. He had had enough negativity for the day. But, the cat looked absolutely shattered. Riku was lying on his stomach, as flat as he could make himself, with his head between his front paws and was just _staring_ ahead of himself. Leon's guilt was more than his desire to leave and he padded across the grass to the other Carrier, not really sure what he was going to do.

The rock Riku was on was just about level with Leon's forehead in terms of height. The cat only noticed him once he stood on his tiptoes to peek over the edge at him. Aqua eyes stared at him listlessly without lifting the head they were attached to. Leon scowled and went to the side to climb the rocks next to the one the cat was on. He sat next to Riku quietly, still not really sure what he was doing. Riku heaved a sigh and stayed in place. The other Carrier thought about it for a few minutes before reaching out to touch the cat's fur. He combed his fingers through the fluff for a minute before Riku grew somewhat receptive and scooted closer to him. Then a bit closer. And a bit closer still. Then a bit closer, until he was leaning against Leon's leg and letting the other Carrier scratch him behind his ears.

It was around that time that Leon realized that Riku was by himself. Completely by himself. He hadn't heard mention of any siblings or natural offspring belonging to Riku's Totem and the loss of his Charge really meant that he had nothing, just like Leon. Riku could understand his feelings. Even though he wasn't saying anything, Leon could tell the other Carrier knew what he was feeling. Neither of them were exuding any sort of happy or energetic vibes and the mood between them was crestfallen, if content. Riku eventually scooted so close to Leon's petting that half of his body had been draped over the other's lap, sucking up as much comfort as he could.

"I'm scared…" Leon trailed after several quiet minutes of sitting together. Riku turned his face just enough to look up at him. Leon was staring down blankly at the rock's surface, his mind wandering and trying to imagine what difficulties would befall him in the near future. He really had listened to Tifa, and considered everything she had said. Was the risk really worth it?

Taking that as a cue, Riku pulled himself up off the rock and dropped over the side to change back. Within minutes he was sitting next to Leon, dressed and ready to talk. They sat quietly together for what seemed like hours before either of them could think of anything to say. Riku cleared his throat a bit, trying to pull the words together without upsetting himself.

"It is scary. You put so much effort and time into preparing yourself for a lifetime with one person, but it's not a definite thing. We study for years to integrate ourselves into their lives and when they reject you at first, it's heartbreaking, never mind if they end up dying at some point. If that happens then it's…devastating. All that time, all that love, for nothing," Riku said with a deep sigh.

"I was considering Plane 087," Leon said. Riku looked to him.

"Then it's even more difficult. Frightening. I just came back from Plane 001 and that one is the most like ours. I couldn't imagine putting in so much work for a place that's mostly different. If you can get all the work done, then I'd be very impressed."

"Why do you say that? Is it really that difficult?"

"Well, yes, the studying is hard, but you'd have the time while your Charge grows up in order to learn it all and get used to it. But, you have to learn the stuff for this plane first before you can even think about branching out. I checked my new options and, if I was to pick someone from there, the next opening for me to leave would be in four years. Then it's another two years of sitting around before my Charge is born then I have to wait for them to grow up. But, to learn_ everything_ in four years before you can leave is a big deal," Riku said.

"Is four years really that short? How much do I really need to learn?"

"Everything. And yes, it's a short period. Not impossible, but it's difficult. It took me six years to get everything down with any sort of marginal efficiency. But…I guess it doesn't matter now. I have even more time to learn it all until it's second nature."

_You're really depressing_, Leon thought as an uncomfortable silence fell between them. He quickly thought of something else to talk about. "So… okay, I don't understand how we can tell when people are going to be born in other planes when somewhere like Plane 087 only intersects our timeline with their present one. Like, don't we see what's happening right at that time when their plane meets ours? How do we know what happened before that?"

"Have you ever heard of the string theory?" Riku asked. Leon shrugged and shook his head. "In basic terms, it's the theory that every living thing has a string attached to them that represents their lifecycle and energy signature. The Technicians work on the idea that everyone's string follows a predetermined path, that regardless of a person's choices in life, they will end up at a specific point no matter what happens. That's when we die. Everyone does at some point so I guess the theory holds some merit, but it's different for Carriers and Charges.

When the Technicians go to find Charge candidates from other planes that are way out there, such as Plane 087, they're actually following the future tense of a person's string. If we think of the plane itself like a rope, and all the people in that rope are the strings, we can say that the strings fray out of the rope in an infinite amount of directions. Those strings hit our plane before the rope itself does, and the Technicians can say that based on someone's string, that this is what's going to happen. That this person's string is what this person is going to be like, and they can assess how useful someone will be without actually having to meet them face to face.

Now, for places like Plane 001, which is so close to ours it's practically on top of us, it doesn't matter. The Technicians can jump between that plane and ours to get information because there is almost no space between them. It is so similar to ours that we find copies of people from our past in their present so we have some of the information already just from the documentation of our home. They've even gotten comfortable with saying that Plane 001 is basically our plane from before the Great War. How long before the war? I have no idea, but the principle is still there.

Generally we get strings from Plane 087 about twenty years before the person is born. We learn basic information about them, and follow the string until we feel they will be relevant or useful to us. Then they're entered into the system as Charge candidates and Carriers can pick them. But, that usually happens so close to the time the person is actually born that the Carrier has little time to prepare to leave and that can cause problems. The time to pick them is very short and once that opportunity is missed, they are tossed for good. Whereas people from Plane 001 stay in the system for a while because we know who they are way ahead of time.

But, because Plane 087 only runs into ours every six years or so, the timing is off. Someone who's chosen to be a Charge candidate when they're fifteen needs to have their Carrier leave at least three years before they're born, because the intersection won't happen again until it's too late. We have to make up for the odd numbers by leaving beforehand in years that fall in the multiples of six. Consequently, we also have to stay there until we meet another multiple of six when the intersection happens again. It's like… trying to catch the bus. You get to the stop before it shows up, and have to stay on longer for all the other people's stops before you can get off again.

The string theory extends to just about everything we do between the planes. When Charges leave their homes to come here, they're wiped from every memory and their existence ceases to be. That's because we're taking their string and adding it to our rope, our plane, on a permanent basis. Whereas, we can jump in and out and people will remember us because it's just our string weaving in and out of their rope, the base of which is still attached to this plane so it's not going anywhere. The Charge's base is uprooted and planted here. Does all of that make sense?" Riku asked.

"I think so," Leon said, scrunching his brows together thoughtfully. He really didn't care about the logistics of what the Technicians do, but at least Riku wasn't moping anymore. His new companion was extremely intelligent, or at least extremely versed in all the things he himself would have to learn, and he decided that keeping Riku close by would be an asset. At least his knowledge was useful and he could understand Leon's predicament and feelings well enough. Unlike Tifa, who knew things, but couldn't relate. "How do you know all of this? Do I need to know it all too?"

"No, I just found an interest in what the Technicians do early on in my studies. Not a lot of people come to me for information even though I know more than most do. Now that I think about it, maybe I would've been done studying in less than six years if I hadn't gotten sidetracked by the extra stuff."

"Probably," another voice interjected from several feet away. The Carriers looked towards the door where Zack was wheeling himself across the grass to them, he had to stop at the edge of the obstacle course as there was a rise in the terrain preventing his wheels from going any farther. "I was looking for you," he said with a small smile.

"Me?" Riku asked.

"No, Leon."

"Oh," the russet Carrier said. "What did you need?"

"Nothing in particular, just wanted to offer my help since Tifa doesn't seem to want to do it. I think you should make your own choice on where you want to go. I'm not going to argue with you," Zack said.

"So…you'll help me study?" Leon asked.

"When I can, sure. Did you already pick one?"

"No, not yet. Got sidetracked."

"Ah. Well, I'll spare whatever free time I have to teach you what I can remember. You have two languages to learn and an entire animal kingdom that's nothing like ours, not to mention geography and politics. Better get started as soon as possible."

"…What about the stuff for here?" Leon asked confusedly.

"Right, that stuff too. Get a move on."

* * *

"Thanks for your help," Riku sighed as he set the last box on his new bed. Leon shrugged.

"You didn't exactly have that much to move," he said.

"I know, but I appreciate it anyway. It's one less trip I have to make," the other said. Again, Leon shrugged his indifference. He had helped Riku move his things from the female side of the facility to the male side in less than an hour, and really, most of that time was spent walking. Riku didn't have much. Leon himself had absolutely nothing except what he was given. His own room was barren aside from the furniture and he couldn't deny that he would miss having a warm body to sleep next to. Or rather, two of them. It made finding a Charge seem so much more important. The quality of his sleep would change, he was sure.

_I don't want to be alone,_ was all he could think.

"I can help you with your studies in the morning if you like. For the stuff here anyway, you know. I've never been to Plane 087 before," Riku offered.

"I would like that. I plan on picking a Charge in the morning, too."

"Did you want me there for that? Do you know where to go in the Catalogue?"

"I think I can handle it," Leon said. Riku nodded and a comfortable silence fell between them as he started unpacking. Leon invited himself to help him and he started putting clothing away and pulling out Riku's few extraneous items and arranging them on the armoire. He went back to the box he was working on and pulled out a small statuette of what looked to be a snow leopard descending from a rock outcropping. The material was white with variations in tint and shade and felt velvety and smooth under his fingertips. The miniature cat's anatomy wasn't exact and the features weren't as precise as Leon thought they should be. Riku hesitated when he realized the other Carrier had the figure and Leon noticed that his companion was just _staring _at him. When they made eye contact, Riku went to him and took the statuette gently from him and went to set it on top of his armoire with his other things.

"It's ivory," the snowy Carrier said quietly. "It was the only thing I could think to take with me when I crossed back over from Plane 001. My…" he cleared his throat, keeping his back to Leon to keep his composure. "My Charge… her name was Ai. Her family carved little figures like this out of all sorts of stuff. Wood, stone, jade, whatever they were asked to, really. She… she made this for me," he said, looking up to the figure with glistening eyes. He laughed dryly. "She made it based on my description. She had never seen a snow leopard before. I think it's pretty good for not having a reference."

"She didn't know what you were before crossing over?" Leon asked. Riku looked to him, wiping his eyes. He shook his head.

"No. Most Charges don't, or so I hear. I was in a time period that… if I let the knowledge of the technology we have out, it would seriously screw up the timeline, so I had to keep it all to myself. She followed me, trusting me to take care of her because she was really scared," he said shakily, chin quivering a bit. Leon shifted his weight from one foot to another uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. Riku cleared his throat and forced himself to stand straighter and look at the other Carrier with a bit of confidence in his face. "Do me a favor?" he asked.

"What's that?" Leon asked in return.

"Don't lie to your Charge, like I did to mine."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Getting started was quickly becoming the most difficult thing Leon could imagine. The morning after moving into his new room in the male side of the facility, he was visited by a Technician who pushed a box into his arms and left him without so much as an explanation. Inside the box was a shiny new tablet, an earpiece, another smaller box, and a memory card. The card plugged into the tablet, and loaded the device with all the templates and forms his future Charge would need in order to take care of him. He took several minutes flipping through the applications on the tablet, his mind fogging over a bit as the reality or starting came to him. He began second guessing himself a bit, unsure if hurrying to get going was really the best idea.

Then he mentally kicked himself. What was the difference if he started then or two years from then? Nothing. He could read more books, he supposed, but that wasn't something he thought he would do outside of what was required of him. If he really needed to have more study time, he could do it after his Charge was with him. The curriculum wouldn't change much. No, waiting around was illogical. He flicked the tablet off and dug through the box. There was a slip of paper at the bottom that had all his information so far; his Totem, his model number, all of his initial statistics like weight and height, his room number, and his lab assignment. Too bad the Technicians didn't care enough to give him a map to tell him where the damn place was, but he figured he'd find it if he wandered around long enough. As it turns out, he didn't have to wander for very long because when he opened his door to leave, Riku was there, his hand up and ready to knock.

"God, don't scare me like that," Riku sighed, putting his hand to his chest.

"I could say the same thing to you. Why are you here?" Leon asked impatiently.

"Well, I came to help you. Like I said I would. Did you want to get breakfast first?"

"I was actually going to try and find my lab."

"Oh, what number?" Riku asked. Leon handed him the paper and the snowy Carrier nodded. "It's just down the hall and around the corner from mine, actually. Come on," he said and waved for the other to follow him. It took them less than four minutes to find the lab, which Leon felt a little embarrassed to admit that it would've taken him at least an hour by himself. It was like every other lab that ever existed at the facility. Bland, sterile, mostly white save for the machines he would need to learn his way around. The closet and cabinets were fully stocked with fresh supplies and everything was dust and fingerprint free. Leon felt like a trespasser in his own space.

"So…what now? Breakfast?" he asked as he set the box on the nearest open space that wasn't the floor. Riku shrugged as he crossed the room and headed back to the storage closet. He dug around inside for a few minutes before returning with armfuls of books and plopping them on the exam table.

"Well breakfast would be the ideal start to the day, but I don't intend on leaving you alone afterward, so I may as well stick around until you decide," Riku said.

_Thank you_._ I don't want to be alone,_ Leon thought. "Breakfast is good," he said. Riku nodded and headed for the doors, the other following close behind.

* * *

"Okay, I'm lost," Leon blurted, poking at the Catalogue's keyboard. "All of these Charges are from Plane 001. What about the rest of them? And where are the males?" he asked confusedly.

"Go in and set your preferences, it's way over in the far—no," Riku said with a tiny sigh as the other Carrier floundered about stupidly with the buttons. He swatted Leon's hands away from the controls and brought him back to where he started before pointing at the screen. "See? Preferences, and then you can go in there and pick your parameters. At that point, it's self explanatory," he said and went to retake his seat at the exam table. Leon sighed impatiently in spite of himself, slouching in his seat and glaring at the screen.

As soon as he had started his search, his heart sunk. Twenty, forty, fifty, eighty years were just a few of the wait times he was given for his choices. Almost all of them were women, and hardly any of them seemed worth the wait. He couldn't sit around for twenty years, or even ten years. He would leave tomorrow if he could, but then he realized he was looking in the wrong place, and that's where he confused himself. He skimmed the preferences window, clicking the dots next to his criteria. Really, all he had to do was choose a plane from the list and his gender preference. He was a bit surprised to see so many planes, ones he hadn't even heard of in the list. Almost all of them except for Plane 087 and Plane 001 weren't able to be selected though. He didn't have any other candidates from anywhere else, and the ones he did have from other planes were all women and the option to select them disappeared once he clicked the 'male' tab.

It was a bit disheartening to think that the majority of Charge candidates were women. He couldn't decide if that was because the risk of death was so much more with them that everyone snatched up the men or if there were just that many more competent women. Regardless of the reasons behind it, Leon's options dropped from about ninety candidates to twelve when he decided against a woman. He was surprised. Plane 001's options weren't all that much better. He lost another seventy-five options there are well. He sighed and decided to just stick with his original plan and flipped back to Plane 087.

"Soldier, soldier, soldier, oh look, a General," Leon said, rambling off his candidate's occupations.

"Which is just a nicer way of saying 'this guy killed more guys than that other guy so he has a fancier word to his name, but he's still a soldier,'" Riku said, flipping the page of one of Leon's books he was occupying himself with.

"They're _all_ soldiers, except for the ones who have no occupation listed but I'm willing to bet they're all soldiers too," the russet Carrier snorted.

"Which, depending on how you look at it, may or may not be a bad thing."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, soldiers take direction, listen, and are flexible enough to adapt to their environments. In theory anyway. Just because they got sucked into a war doesn't mean none of them are intelligent, so I wouldn't discount them based solely on their titles. For all we know that General could've had sex with his superior's daughter and got a higher rank that way," Riku said.

"I suppose," Leon agreed with a shrug. He took each profile one at a time, looking over what miniscule amount of information he had on each one. He was unimpressed. So, he started paying attention to appearances. He flicked each picture by, leaning in close to squint at them, taking note of the eyes. "All but two of them have the same eyes. Same color," he said. Riku raised a brow and went to look over his shoulder. Leon flipped through them again so his friend could see.

"They all have Zack's eyes," Riku said. Leon nodded.

"And apparently they all decided that it was absolutely fantastic to have enormous cowlicks, good god," he said, taking note on the odd physics some of the hair styles seemed to have. "And the _colors_, augh," he snuffed.

"Hey, silver hair is sexy, okay?" Riku said, flicking his hair over his shoulder. Leon laughed.

"Right, okay, whatever you say. I'll take your word on that one."

"Well if you're _that_ concerned about hair then your General is already out the window. He's got huge cowlicks _and_ silver hair. Talk about a kick in the balls."

"I really wonder if any of that is genetic. I'd fear for our children."

"Which children?"

"Any of them."

"Well it wouldn't matter for the Carriers. Human children…maybe," Riku shrugged and went back to his seat.

"All joking aside, it's almost impossible to pick based on what they give me here. I'd be better off flipping a coin."

"Well, you have other options. You can go to Plane 001."

"I'm not waiting around for twenty years."

"Well, then you might actually have to flip a coin."

"Maybe not…" Leon said curiously, paying attention to the numbers again. "See, for the General I'd have to wait until he's twenty-five to make contact. The lowest age I can get away with otherwise is…" he trailed, flipping through the profiles, "seventeen."

"Oh really? And what's this seventeen-something's occupation?"

"It doesn't say."

"Got a name?"

"Uh…" Leon drawled, scrolling up, "oh that poor kid, what terrible parent names their kid 'Cloud?'"

"Nice one," Riku snorted. "He look okay?"

"…I feel I should take an axe to that hair."

"Well, it's either you deal with a terrible name and hair, or wait the extra eight years for someone who has equally as terrible hair, but no name, and a better occupation. How close is the General's birth compared to the leave time?"

"I'd make it there just in time for him, apparently."

"Oh, well that might not be too bad then. Either way, you're leaving in four years. You can have a few extra years while you're there to study more while you wait for—" Riku had to stop himself as he started to laugh a bit, "for Cloud or you can go and start watching right away for the General."

"…Maybe I should ask Zack's opinion."

"You could. What opinion would he give?"

"He might know how easy it is to get a General's attention, versus someone who, for all we know, could be a librarian or something," Leon said. Riku thought about it and nodded with a light shrug.

"That's a good point. There's no guarantee you'd be able to convince a General to follow you. He might be living the high life. He'd have nothing like that here."

"I really wish the profiles were more complete," Leon grumbled as he exited out of the Catalogue and unhooked himself. There was so much empty space for personality information, education, family history, medical information, and even just the basic personal things such as how tall they are or how much they weigh. It all seemed so…barren.

"It's the price you pay for starting sooner than most, I'm afraid. There is a reason why a lot of Carriers avoid that plane."

"So I see," Leon said, standing and stretching some. "I'll go find Zack," he added as he headed out into the hallway. His lab was very close to the exit for the pool area and he could figure out which way to go once he was outside. But, he didn't have to, because once he stepped out of the lab he happened to glance in the other direction and saw Tifa and Zack already at the far end of the hall coming toward him. The uncanny ability of his companions being able to find him before he even knew he wanted to find them was unsettling. But, it saved him walking time. "I was just coming to find you," he said when they drew closer. He held the door open for them both and they went inside.

"I came to apologize," Tifa said before anyone had the chance to say anything else. Leon looked at her quizzically. "I shouldn't have discouraged you so much the other day. But, now that I've said that, I'm leaving. I will not help you kill yourself," she said haughtily and promptly exited. Zack sighed.

"Sorry, she only apologized because I made her. She wants to mother you," he said, wheeling himself over to where Riku was sitting. Leon scowled.

"If she wanted to be my mother, she should've given birth to me," he said grumpily. Zack nodded.

"I agree. I would feel differently if you were one of her siblings, but she obviously doesn't understand that."

"Right," Leon agreed and went to reconnect to the Catalogue. "Anyway, I had questions."

"I assumed as much," Zack chuckled, wheeling over to his side. Riku kept to himself, listening carefully. Leon quickly brought up his Charge candidates again and flipped through them. Zack's expression softened, seeing the names, the faces, the familiar eyes, though the Carrier didn't notice.

"I can make contact quicker with this one," Leon said, bringing up Cloud's profile. "But this other one has better information, as far as I can tell."

"Oh shit, a General? Really?" Zack asked, mostly to himself, in disbelief.

"Right, well, I wanted an opinion."

"On whom you should choose?"

"Yes."

"The younger one."

"…Well that was quick."

"You'd have to join the military yourself in order to get anywhere near the General. That's practically suicide, and I don't think you should fight their war for them," Zack said finitely. "They're both from the same side, but at least with the younger one you have a slim chance of him not being in the military."

"How can you tell they're on the same side?" Leon asked confusedly.

"The eyes," he said, turning his own to the Carrier, giving him direct and intentional eye contact. The blue of his irises seemed almost electric as they stared at one another for several seconds.

"Okay, mind elaborating a little bit?" Leon asked. Zack took a breath and fidgeted a bit.

"There is a particular drug that one side of war uses on its soldiers to keep them going. The drug itself is actually the chemical runoff from that side's power plants."

"You're serious?" Leon asked, giving Zack a look of complete disbelief. The Charge nodded.

"Yeah. It's completely legal and the military uses it like it was air for everyone to breathe. You're drafted and then they force it on you. Then, you're hooked. If you're on it long enough, it changes you. Mostly just pigment mutations, but if you use it _too_ much, then you get geostigma. Which is…yeah, you don't want that. Imagine if gangrene and leprosy had a mutant child together and you'd have geostigma. The short term benefits of it outweigh the long term damage in the government's eyes. But, the military isn't the only place you can get it. It's everywhere. Just take a jar and walk up to the power plant and stick it in the runoff pipe and _bam_ that's all you need. People use it at parties, recreationally, everywhere they can get away with it. It's gotten so prevalent that I would be comfortable with saying at least eighty percent of the population does it."

"You say pigment mutations like…" Riku trailed, Zack looked behind himself and shrugged.

"It turns your hair white and your eyes like a… seafoamy green color. Aqua, sort of. If you get that far in the process, you're dangerously close to getting geostigma. It goes in stages though. The eyes go first, turning blue from whatever color they were before, it doesn't matter what, and then your hair gets lighter and lighter until it's white. The colors have been known to pass on to people's children too, that's how dangerous it is. Babies have been born with geostigma and die in a couple years, if they have light hair and bright blue eyes, they're closer to getting geostigma if they happen to get hooked on the shit, it's just all kinds of awful."

"Is that why you ran?" Leon asked. Zack nodded.

"It's not right. To force that shit on your soldiers so they'd be able to do things they wouldn't normally do. So they can lift something three times their body weight or not feel remorse for killing a bunch of school children. So they don't feel pain when they're hit and keep fighting until they can't move anymore, acting like robots instead of people. The worst part is, whatever they do while on the drug is written off as okay. It's debatable on whether or not the person will remember what they did, but they still have that blood on their hands, even if the government won't punish them for murdering thousands of people who aren't even their enemies. All they care about are the results."

_ That sounds familiar_, Leon thought.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Riku asked, looking to the other Carrier with a serious expression. "That General is too far gone down this… drug path, apparently. I would toss him out, and the younger one already has the eyes."

"And so does Zack, he seems fine," Leon said. Riku sighed and rolled his eyes. "Almost all of my choices have the eyes. And if it's only the first stage, then it could just be beginning and repairable once he crosses over. What other side effects are there aside from the geostigma?"

"Muscle damage, heart damage, mental instability, possibly even irreparable brain damage, and that's if they're just sitting there doing nothing; if they're up and working or fighting or whatever else, the muscle damage is a definite at the very least. Just going through basic training fucked me up and I was only in there for a couple months. Once I was out, the withdrawal lasted _weeks_ and even now, I'm _still_ not up to where I was before I was on it. I can't run as fast or lift as much as I used to, I can't…" he hesitated a bit, laughing to himself, "I can't even be on top of Tifa when we have sex for an extended period of time without feeling like the life was sucked out of me, as sad as that sounds. I'm in this damn chair because my surgery smacked me around a good one and I just feel so _weak_ all the damn time. I don't know, maybe another ten years of working out and rebuilding myself will help, but right now, I'm far from what I used to be."

"Just from a couple months of being on it?" Riku asked. Zack nodded.

"A couple months of getting another dose every two hours, yeah. That's way more than the average person on the street does, but like I said, the military treats it like air. They think its okay because, well, ninety percent of the soldiers die before they can get the geostigma anyway, and if they weren't using it, it would just be toxic waste the government would have to find a way to dispose of otherwise. This way, everything is used, there isn't any waste and it's a cheap way to fuel a military that is whipping everyone else's asses and winning the war for them."

_Maybe this is too much,_ Leon thought.

"Well…" Riku trailed, coming to stand with them at the Catalogue, "sorry to get personal but are you… functional? Everything works okay?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah, Zack Junior is okay. He works just fine and my little swimmers are healthy as far as we can tell. It's just a bit more difficult to get them out of me because I get so tired it's almost not even worth it because then I need to sleep for three hours afterward. God forbid we do anything before we're ready for bed, I'd never get anything done during the day."

"Then it's not a total loss," Riku said, looking to the other Carrier. "The worst case scenario would be, you bring him over, and then you have to supplement your project with his blood instead of his sperm until he gets his strength back."

"I'm really not trying to discourage you, but I'm being realistic. The environment is hostile, I can't express that enough, but it's not hopeless. For all we know, this… whatever his name is…"

"Cloud," Leon said.

"Right Cl—" Zack continued before he stopped himself and made a disgruntled face. "Cloud? What the fuck kind of name is 'Cloud?'"

"I have no idea," the Carrier said and rolled his eyes, waving the subject away with a dismissive hand. "If I get really sick of it, I can train him to learn a new one."

"You make it sound like he's a pet," Riku chuckled.

"Almost," Leon agreed.

"Anyway, for all we know he could've been born with those eyes, from a druggie mother or father and won't ever touch the military. It's possible," Zack continued.

"Yeah…" the russet Carrier said, contemplating.

"Well what about the other two that look normal?" Riku asked, leaning over to get at the controls and flip through the candidates again. "Oh, okay," he said once he took in the ages. Leon wouldn't be able to make contact with them until much later than Cloud. One would be in his early fifties and the other would be in his forties. That would be pushing it too close to the edge of a man's decline in sexual potency, not to mention the wait would be excruciating. Plus, it's just _weird_. Leon would still have the appearance of a young twenty-something while the other men would be working on wrinkles even before stasis. Those were the only situations where he really couldn't think much past the appearances. At least Cloud would be young.

"Those two are probably from the other side," Zack said.

"I'm not waiting fifty years to make contact with anyone," Leon huffed, keeping his other objections to himself. "Cloud's fine. He'll do," he added.

"You're sure?" Riku asked, giving him a skeptical look.

"Yes."

"Totally sure? You can't go back."

"Yes, totally sure."

"More information might pop up about him later on as you get closer to leave, the Technicians will keep following his string until you do, and you may not like what you find later," Zack said.

"So far, even though a lot of the stuff you've said is negative I haven't heard anything that is wholly detrimental to my project and isn't repairable. I don't expect any of this to be easy regardless of whom I pick, so what's the difference? I'll figure out a plan. I'm confident," Leon lied. He was feeling far from it, but he didn't see any other options. He did, however, really believe he could fix whatever problems Cloud would give him in the future. Zack watched him with a scrutinizing eye for a few minutes before he nodded.

"I trust you," he said.

"I'm going to confirm it for you, if you're sure," Riku said hesitantly. Leon nodded.

"I'm sure."

* * *

The small box that was inside the bigger box, held things of interest for Leon; a tablet that he wouldn't use and its memory chip accompaniment were hardly things he had to concern himself with. But the littler box contained another box within it. And inside that black and silver ornate box (which was more like a case) were his Charge's watch, and the sensor he would have to shove under his tongue. In addition to those though, was an earring. So far, without a Charge the earring was just referred to as his change code, as it was just the little button that changed him to his Totem. He hadn't had the opportunity to see his Totem yet, and really, all it would take was a click of that button and he could. But without a Charge, if something went wrong, that could be bad.

"Did you want to change?" Riku asked curiously, having noticed Leon's listless staring at the stud.

"Sort of," he admitted.

"I want to see your Totem. Eventually. Whenever you're comfortable."

"Am I allowed to change before I find my Charge?"

"You'll have to. You can't ignore it without harming yourself."

"Oh."

"I'll take care of you, make sure nothing happens if you want to do it now," Riku offered. Leon nodded and Riku closed the book he was flipping through and stood. The russet Carrier followed him outside into the pool area, his change code in hand. "Technically, you're not supposed to stick that thing to yourself before your Charge shows up. It's permanent once you do it, but you can still press it to change. I'll hang onto it for you," Riku said. Leon handed the stud off to him and fidgeted in his place.

"So, what do I do? Just stand here?"

"I would suggest taking your clothes off."

"Oh…"

"Unless you want to strangle yourself, that is."

"Ah, no. That's not on my agenda."

"Then go ahead," Riku said, as if it was completely normal.

"While you're standing here?" Leon asked with a small scowl.

"…You're going to have to get over that. Almost all of the Carriers here have seen each other's Implants in various stages of nudity. Whether it's before they change or going to get their clothes once they change back. Personally, I'm more upset about exposing myself in my Primal than I am my Implant."

"Really?" Leon asked with an amused smile and a bit of a chuckle. "Why?"

"Because my fur is so… fluffy it covers everything and it looks like I'm neutered. It's embarrassing," Riku said quietly, shuffling his foot a bit. Leon had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing outright. "That stays between us, you hear me? I tell the others that I have the opposite problem and I don't like everything hanging out but I really wish it _did_. At least then, I'd be like everyone else."

"Aw, I'm sorry your testicles don't drag on the ground like everyone else's do," Leon teased. Riku glared at him and shoved him towards the pool and its attached rock wall.

"Go back there and get undressed if you're going to be an ass about it. Tell me when you're ready," he grumbled. The russet Carrier laughed to himself and did as he was told. The pool was adjacent to the field and there wasn't anyone in immediate eyesight to gawk at him so he felt reasonably comfortable with undressing. A quick shout to Riku and he could feel it start immediately. The snowy Carrier came around the corner just in time to see Leon fall forward onto all fours. His spine elongated, rippling under his skin and peeling it away in great heaves. His limbs popped and pulled out of place and reset again once the rest of him grew to accommodate. Glistening golden fur poked through his skin, a tail sprouted behind him, and his fingers retracted into enormous paws. Riku was a bit surprised to see how big he was. If he Leon wasn't pushing at least six hundred pounds, he'd eat his tail.

"Talk about fluffy," Riku snorted, going to run his fingers through the cat's poofy mane. Leon was exhausted. He hadn't anticipated the effort it took to change and hoped it would get easier with time. He padded away from his clothing and dissolving skin flakes to park himself on the edge of the pool. The waterfall made it impossible to see himself in the water's reflection and he didn't have the energy to go inside and find a mirror. He plopped next to the water and lay his head down, spent.

"Oh wow," Zack said abruptly, pulling both Carrier's attention to the door. Tifa was holding it open for him as he wheeled himself outside. "We were looking for you two."

"I thought you weren't going to help him," Riku said, sending Tifa a very unhappy look.

"I said I wouldn't help him kill himself, not that I wouldn't help him all together," she retorted. Leon didn't even look at them; he just twitched an ear around to listen. Riku ignored the woman and went to sit with him.

"It gets easier the more you do it. After a few times, it won't tire you out so much," he assured, burying his hands in Leon's fluff and scratching at his jaw. The cat closed his eyes, letting himself drift a bit. Tifa and Zack drew closer, the woman taking a seat next to Riku and petting Leon as well. Zack couldn't reach so he sat quietly.

"You look so depressed," Tifa cooed.

"He's tired," Riku clipped.

In truth, Leon had mixed feelings. Yes, he was exhausted, but there was more to it than that. What's a lion without a family? Not a whole lot, he felt. Tifa was right, he was depressed. He was satisfied that he could change and that everything worked properly, but now that he had, there was nothing to do. Except think. Laying around and thinking. Wondering, second guessing, endless thoughts about anything and everything. What was Cloud like? Would he even be able to find him? Was he even homosexual? And if not, how difficult will it be to convince him otherwise? Having zero experience in the romance department didn't help Leon in the least, even if he was only a couple weeks old. He sort of expected himself to have _some_ idea of what to do, but he didn't. He wasn't confident he would learn all that in four years, either. But one thing he did know, was that he was feeling crowded with so many people around him. He pulled himself up and padded away a few feet before plopping down again.

"You've officially been snubbed," Zack snorted. Tifa crossed her arms over her chest and let out a grumpy huff. "You can't win them all," her Charge said and she sent him a nasty glare. To her, Leon was being irrational with not letting himself be helped. All she wanted to do was offer a shoulder to lean on and help take care of him and he wasn't even humoring her. It was insulting. Yet, he let Riku and Zack in just fine.

"I'm starting to think he just doesn't like me because I'm a woman," she said. Zack scowled.

"That's completely stupid, Tifa."

"Well it's true!" she insisted. Leon mentally rolled his eyes at her ineptitude.

"Did you even consider that he might like to keep some of his pride in tact? Take my word for it, not all guys like to be treated like children."

"But you do?" she asked. Zack scowled.

"I _need_ it right now. But no, it's not my ideal way to run a relationship. I'm your lover, not your offspring."

"I know that."

"Leon isn't your offspring either."

"I know that too."

"Then stop treating him like one," he said.

"I'm not," she insisted.

"Yes, you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"Zack!"

"Tifa," he said calmly with a tiny sigh.

"I'm. Not," she said with a meaningful pause between words for emphasis.

"Then what is it you want from him?"

"To comfort him," she said defiantly.

_I don't want your comfort. It's temporary_, Leon thought.

"Well, he obviously doesn't want it so just drop it, okay? If you _really_ need someone to comfort then let's go back to the room and you can squeeze me until I can't breathe anymore," Zack offered. Tifa muttered to herself under her breath and glared at the waterfall. Riku stood and went behind the rocks.

"I'm not used to taking care of someone for a week and then letting them just leave and having them not care anymore," she said quietly. She scooted across the grass to her Charge's side and leaned against his legs, resting her head on his knee. Zack pet her hair some.

"I know. But, it's okay. They all need to leave the nest at some point."

"…You're not helping," she grumped.

"Sorry," he chuckled. "I just think you're overreacting."

_Damn straight,_ Leon thought.

"I can't help that my feelings are hurt," she sighed.

"Aww…" Zack cooed, petting her some more. Riku came back from around the rocks in his Primal form, which surprised everyone. He padded over to Tifa and abruptly shoved himself in her lap, folding himself up as much as he could so he would fit. He only weighed about eighty pounds so it was relatively easy to do. Tifa smiled and hugged him tight, nuzzling her face into his neck.

"See? Riku humors me," she said happily and cuddled him like a toddler. Zack shrugged and laughed a bit under his breath. He looked over to Leon and noticed the other cat was watching them intently though his head was still down in the grass. The Charge wheeled himself over to him and dug his earpiece out of his pocket, Leon watched him confusedly.

"Open," Zack said, dangling the end of the cord at the cat. Leon didn't do anything. "Seriously, open your mouth," Zack repeated. Leon hesitated but eventually did as he was told. The Charge clicked the earpiece into his Link and affixed the device to his ear and sat back. "Tell me things," he said. Leon was quiet for several minutes, not really sure what to say.

"_What am I supposed to tell you_?" he asked.

"You look so down, I was just wondering what the problem was."

"_It's nothing. Don't worry about it._"

"You sure?"

"_Yes. Thank you for the concern, but I'm fine_," Leon lied.

"If you say so."

* * *

**6 months later**

"Fire and ice," Leon said. Zack nodded.

"Right."

"Water and electricity."

"Right."

"Air and…earth," the Carrier said hesitantly.

"Yes."

"…What am I missing?"

"Life and…?"

"Death."

"Light and…?"

"Dark," Leon grumbled, mentally chastising himself for forgetting such simple things. Zack slouched in his seat, putting his legs up on the exam table, flipping a page.

"You come across an animal in the field and you're hungry. Being colorblind, you really can't see it's coloration to see if it's poisonous or not, how else can you tell?" the Charge asked. Leon scrunched his brows together, racking his halfway fried neurons for the answer.

"I know I read that somewhere…" he said with a sigh.

"Want a hint?"

"No."

"M'kay," Zack said, itching the side of his face and waiting patiently. Leon grumbled angrily in spite of himself and scooted forward in his seat to rest his forehead on the table.

"Why do so many of the animals have to be poisonous?"

"Hell if I know," Zack snorted. "Want to move onto something else?"

"No. I know this," Leon growled.

"Okay, let me put it this way, you find a Crown Lance, a Caterchipiller, and a Funguar all in the same place. They're all poisonous, you know this, but how can you tell? What do they all have in common?"

"That doesn't make any sense, they're all from different regions, why would they all be in the same place?" Leon asked, picking his head up and giving his makeshift teacher a confused look.

"I'm pulling an example out of my ass, just pretend for a second. Think about it."

"…They're slow and easy to catch?"

"Crown Lances are pretty damn fast."

"…They all sting?"

"Not Funguars."

"…Then I have no idea. They're all squishy and disgusting, why would I want to eat that in the first place?" Leon grumbled.

"That's right. They're all really soft. Most of the time, if it's really hard to crack into, it's edible. The gross ones use poison for their natural defense while the tasty ones use scales and armor and all that," Zack said. Leon's expression blanked and he stared at the table before remembering that yes, he did read that and he totally knew it. He heaved a frustrated sigh and let his face thunk back onto the table. Zack chuckled and pulled his feet off the table and sat up. He reached over and patted the Carrier's back. He looked at his watch. "It's almost two in the morning, you need to sleep," he said.

"I need to study," Leon said, his words partially muffled by the table's surface.

"But you also need to sleep."

"I can sleep when I'm dead. Or when I know all of this, whichever comes first."

"Well, tomorrow… or today… whatever, will be easier. You're picking up the stuff for here better than you are the stuff for Plane 087," Zack said, closing his book and standing. After almost four months of recovery, he was able to regain his strength enough to move around on his own. Tifa wasn't as thrilled as he was about it though, she couldn't baby him anymore.

"I know, and that's a problem," Leon said, pulling his arms up to fold them under his chin.

"You could try relating the two. They're alike in a lot of ways even if it all seems so different. Like…you can eat turtles. They have hard shells. But a lot of frogs are poisonous and they're squishy. See what I'm saying?" Zack asked. Leon nodded.

"Chemistry is so much easier," he sighed. He could do numbers and equations extremely well and the facts were cut and dry and easy to remember. The animal kingdoms had too many exceptions, too many muddled facts and too many theories. It was ever changing, and Leon couldn't keep up.

"I don't think so, but that's just me. Just remember the few cardinal rules I told you. 'If you see a T-Rexaur you…'"

"Run like a bitch," Leon snorted.

"And?"

"Don't eat the Chocobos."

"Right. You'll be fine. You still have time. Don't force yourself. Get some sleep, I'll be back in a few hours and we can start again," Zack said and stretched his arms towards the ceiling as high as he could, pulling his stiff muscles back into place.

"I will, I just want to check one more time before I go to bed," the Carrier said, looking to the Catalogue.

"Okay, I'll see you later," Zack said and took his leave. Leon waited until he was certain the Charge wasn't coming back before he tiredly scooted to the Catalogue and plugged himself in. He had learned his way around the machine fairly easily after a bit of study and found that a lot of it was self explanatory, unlike the rest of his curriculum. He checked it regularly to see if the Technicians had updated Cloud's profile, but so far, nothing had changed. Just the same stupid hair, with the same stupid name, and his age. Leon pulled his legs up onto the chair with him and rested his chin on his knees, watching, staring, and contemplating Cloud's face for answers to questions he couldn't even think to voice. So much uncertainty, so many unknowns, so many frightening possibilities of failure and tragedy, it put an icy lump in his gut.

The wait was torture.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **This chapter needs to be here, but it's really fucking boring. My apologies in advance.

I also apologize for the random and slow updates. School is closing for the semester by the end of next week so hopefully I'll have more time after then.

**And also: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY**

* * *

Chapter 4

It was a year into Leon's studies and he still didn't feel like he was getting anywhere. Zack was pounding as much information as he could into the young Carrier's brain, but it still wasn't up to Leon's standards. He wasn't really aware of what his standards were, truth be told, but he figured he would know when he had filled them. He kept studying and studying as much as he possibly could with the hope that at some point it would click and he could finally say 'yes, I'm satisfied enough, it's time to go.' He did alright as far as the things pertaining to his own work went, and what he would need to do once Cloud crossed over with him, but the stuff about the unknown world he was going to have to combat in order to get to that point was still foggy.

It's one thing to look at a book and say 'this is this, therefore that is that,' and that wasn't his problem. He could rattle off names of things he didn't even know about and convince someone on the outside that he knew what he was talking about. But when Zack drilled him and forced him to think quickly and on his toes, it wasn't there. There was a very real possibility that Leon would have to hunt and fend for himself in the wilderness and that meant putting himself in front of beasts he didn't understand and possibly get attacked by them. If he couldn't think quickly enough in hypothetical situation to save his ass, he was afraid he would die before Cloud was even born. That scared him, and picked at his pride and confidence with each failure.

But he was determined. There were times where he was getting so unreasonably frustrated with himself that he had to literally remove himself from the lab and sit in his room and do _nothing_. He spent a lot of those times in partial meditation, repeating over and over to himself 'control is what's most important, so long as you have that, you'll be fine.' And he believed it. So long as he had control of himself and didn't let his emotions and fears get the better of him, whatever the problem was could be solved. It became his own personal mantra. Control control control.

Continuing down that path, by the time his second year rolled around, he was doing okay. The project and work related stuff was on the backburner as he launched himself face first into the other world. He forced himself to understand the culture, learn the languages and understand everything Zack was telling him. The only problem was that Zack didn't know everything. He didn't fully understand what the war was about and he didn't know a lot from a scientific standpoint. He could tell Leon about the animals, and the geography and some of the politics and languages, but if it was anything deeper than the surface facts, he was in the dark just as much as Leon was. They had some books that the Technicians had written but it was nowhere near complete. Even they didn't fully understand everything.

The war was the biggest question. No one could really understand _why_ it was happening, even if they knew part of the _how_. Leon was most interested in the winning side, seeing as Cloud seemed to belong to that side of the world anyway, but he desperately wanted the whole picture just so he could relate to the people more. But, as he started running out of information to absorb, the answers didn't come. He resigned himself to going to school in Plane 087 and learning just like everyone else did; from the beginning. At the very least he was comfortable with the idea of trying to find food for himself. He sort of wished he was an herbivore simply because the flora didn't differ much from one plane to the next and he would know what he could eat already.

The two sides of the war, as Leon understood it, were like night and day. On one side was Midgar (the winning party) and the other was Balamb. They were practically on two different sides of the world geographically speaking but between them were countless little neutral countries dotting the landscape. Island chains, mountainous regions, deserts, plains, and snowy peaks could be found in all directions of latitude and longitude just like the natural landscape of his home used to be before the Great War destroyed everything. Zack had been born in Midgar so, consequentially, he knew the most about that side of the world. They only had what the Technicians had recorded when it came to the Balamb half but Leon didn't mind too much. If Cloud was in Midgar, that's where he would put his focus.

Midgar's portion of the world spanned the farthest and was constantly growing as the war spread outward. They mowed down anything that got in their way, be they enemy or not, and generally left an entire front of destruction in their wake. Their weaponry and capabilities were far superior to anything Balamb had and they took complete advantage of it. Huge hulking pieces machinery, soldiers that had no souls or consciences, and superlative tactics gave them complete reign over everything they controlled. Everyone feared them and their ruthlessness and hardly anyone stood up to them for fear of losing everything. Midgar never asked for anything. They simply took it, and Zack hated it.

"I never actually saw any active combat and heard a lot of the progress in reports and newscasts. I have no idea what Balamb's capabilities are but I do know that they're the only ones fighting back so there has to be _something_, you know?" Zack snorted one afternoon while there was a lull in Leon's feverish studying.

"Do you think Cloud got sucked into it?" he asked. Zack shrugged.

"It could go either way. Depending on where he's born and how close it was to Midgar (if not in the territory itself) he could have been or he could've stayed out of it. The Generals just barge in and suck up any able bodied man they come across, shoot him full of drugs, hand him a weapon and tell him to get in line. And if that doesn't happen, then you're drafted anyway. The only difference between the two is one has paperwork and the other doesn't."

"Just the men?"

"It's a very patriarchal military. Not a lot of women get in there and if they do, they're usually tossed in to be nurses or entertainment."

"…Entertainment?"

"Right. Strippers mostly."

"That's deplorable," Leon scoffed and wrinkled his nose. Zack shrugged.

"I know. But then they'd have less control over the soldiers."

"…I'm not sure I follow."

"Well, when you're on this shit, you have the insatiable urge to get up and do _something_. For the military, they shove the guys out into the field and tell them to pillage and it works just fine. For the regular asshole in the town that's doing it just for fun, sex is generally the alternative. Either way, they need something to occupy themselves that's somewhat labor intensive so they work it out and can take more later on. If the military provides some entertainment of the vaguely sexual variety, the soldiers can get it out of their systems and are less likely to go out into the field to get laid versus what they're supposed to be doing. 'The field' being new territory, other towns or whatever they happen to be near. The military doesn't support the soldiers fucking one another in the least."

"That's disgusting. Why don't they just keep the dosage smaller or give it to them only right before the fight? Why keep them whacked all the time?"

"Because they have more control that way. The soldiers become very malleable and do as their told so long as it feeds their need to exert themselves. Plus, they're constantly moving so it's not really a problem because they never run out of stuff to do."

"I can only imagine what the people on the outside see them as," Leon sighed, rubbing his brows tiredly.

"I remember waking up and going outside my bunker and standing at the top of a nearby cliff. I looked down to the ground at the base of the cliff, where the new recruits were getting ready to head out, and just seeing a sea of glowing blue dots. Every two dots were a pair of eyes belonging to some poor asshole that was blasted out of his mind and had no idea what he had gotten himself into. And Leon, there were _thousands_ of them. I couldn't see the end of them and I remember feeling really scared once I saw that. It really hit me and made me realize the sheer enormity of Midgar's military and how very possible it was that they could take over the entire planet. I'm sure Balamb knows that they're fighting a losing war, but I give them credit for sticking to their guns. Midgar's full of monsters, and everyone knows it."

"That isn't the most reassuring pep talk you've ever given me," the Carrier sighed.

"But it's the reality of it. I told you when you first started that it was a hostile place and I stand by it. I will say it a million more times if it gets you to understand how truly _terrifying_ they are. I really do think Tifa saved my life by bringing me here and I thank her for it every chance I get. Hopefully Cloud will feel the same once you bring him over."

"You really think I'll be able to?"

"Yeah. I trust you. Your determination has to count for something, right?"

"I suppose," Leon said, looking down at his hands and tracing the lines in his palm with a fingertip. "If…" he trailed, thinking. Zack looked to him.

"Hmm?"

"If…" Leon hesitated, not really wanting to think about what he was thinking about, "if Cloud happens to get sucked into the military and does unspeakable things, do you think he'll remember it enough to really damage him?"

"I don't know. I would watch him carefully, just to be sure."

"Do you remember all the stuff you did?"

"Some of it. But basic training is boring and I didn't really get the chance to get out and do anything that I'd really regret. It's sort of like how I remember stuff from when I used to drink a lot. Sometimes I'd remember bits and pieces but mostly I don't."

"Why did you start drinking?"

"Guilt, mostly. Regardless of whether or not I agreed with the military, I was still a traitor to my country and some other poor soul had to take my place. Maybe if I hadn't run in the first place, that guy wouldn't have been drafted and forced to do horrible things, you know? He could've even had a family, and my cowardice just killed whatever hope they had of ever seeing him again. It sucks. I blamed myself for a lot of stuff," Zack explained quietly.

"I sort of wish I could have a whole series of Charges so I could take more people out of there and away from all that shit," Leon said. Zack smiled.

"That's cute."

"What? It's true. They'd be much better off over here than in some horrendous deathtrap of a world."

"I agree," Zack said and the conversation ground to a halt. They sat quietly in a comfortable silence for several minutes, reflecting on everything that had been shared. Leon eventually came up with a couple questions.

"So, you said you saw a bunch of glowing eyes? When they're high their eyes glow?"

"Right. It's not like a car's headlights or anything and lighting up the night, but they do shine to a certain degree. That's how you tell they're high if it's just someone walking down the street. It's usually pretty obvious when the soldiers are because they're most likely killing something."

"I see," Leon deadpanned. "Do you have any idea how this is supposed to work? Like… will the Technicians give me a place to stay, or do I just have to wing it?"

"No idea," Zack said. Neither of them had heard anything from the Technicians since their last inspection, and even then it wasn't as if they were addressing Leon himself. They got their news from the Catalogue, and Leon's criteria for his education but nothing outside of that. It wasn't the best scenario, and Leon was really concerned with where he would end up and how he was supposed to live his life in Plane 087. But he kept his worries at arm's length. He had to focus on studying and learning as much as he could because he may not have the opportunity to do so once he left like he initially thought he would.

* * *

There wasn't a whole lot to do in the evenings once someone decided they were through working for the day. From about eight o'clock to bedtime, Leon was really at ends with himself. Sometimes he would visit with Riku, sometimes he would study, sometimes he would just go to bed right away, but most of the times he was by himself, not doing anything interesting. The Catalogue offered a few minutes of entertainment every now and again, but other than reading the news reports that he could care less about, he was at a loss.

During his third year, Leon made a marvelous discovery that happened purely by accident. He was sitting in the lab fiddling with his future Charge's watch simply because he could. He was deep in thought and dwelling on the unknowns he had yet to figure out, his fingers running over the bumps the buttons made on the tiny device. He eventually tired of thinking and looked at the watch properly and remembered there was a place for the cord from the Catalogue to plug into. So, out of curiosity, he plugged it in and to his surprise the machine sprung to life and he suddenly had access to the internet, something he had avoided for his own safety. He really wished he had figured that out two years ago.

Leon had absolutely _no_ idea how to use the internet in any sort of useful fashion. But, the initial page he was brought to was a search engine. Using his one track mind, he immediately typed in 'Plane 087' and was presented with a list of thousands of links on the subject, the first of which was the Charge Forum. He was astounded by the sheer volume of topics and information that was there, he didn't know where to start. So, he just picked one and dove in. He had been scrolling around and stumbled upon a topic dated about two years prior made by a Carrier versus a Charge. He was immediately intrigued.

_I'm so freaked out. Everyone says there's so much to remember before I leave and it JUST got SO much worse now that I've talked to Xemnas. My itinerary and paperwork puts me in Midgar instead of Gongaga and AUGH I just want to scream. That's like… all the way the fuck across the mountains and on a completely different island! What the hell are they thinking? My Charge is in Gongaga! Not Midgar! This isn't fair. I'm so damn tired of them forcing me to do things their way when they don't even have a say once I get over there!_

_ It feels like everyone that says they're trying to help me is hindering me and just making it worse. I'm already stressed out as it is, I leave in just five years, that's not nearly enough time for me to learn everything I need to and make a concrete plan. I'm sure, if it could, my hair would start falling out. I hardly sleep, I don't spend time with my family, I hardly eat, and all so I can study my ass off and start things off on the right foot. But I feel like those bastards took all my progress and threw it in the toilet by sending me THOUSANDS of miles away. How am I going to find him? Midgar might make it to him first and he could be killed before I have a chance to pull him away._

_ It all feels so…__**hopeless**__._

Leon had mixed feelings. He hadn't received his itinerary or his paperwork yet. The Technicians had to create all the documents and papers he would need to blend into society. They would come up with a tentative plan for him to follow, but really, once he crossed over, they wouldn't know what he was doing so he wasn't too concerned. But, if there was something in his documentation that forced him to go one way, that could be a problem. He didn't have the knowledge to forge new documentation for himself. He sincerely hoped he wouldn't have that roadblock. His confidence in his ability was already delicate as it was. He didn't know what he would do if he didn't have total control over the situation.

He scrolled through the replies to the nameless Carrier's post. Most of them were a mix of encouraging words and people freaking out that he was risking himself by getting on the internet. Carriers could catch a virus just as easily as a computer could and that would spell disaster. A lot of people were angry at the Carrier simply because if he died before he could even leave, then what was the point of whining about his problems for other people to read? Leon didn't agree with the others and their accusations. He sort of wanted to post something himself simply so he could have an outlet as well, but decided against it. It wasn't worth the ridicule.

After another hour of floundering around aimlessly and reading many posts with people complaining about various things he didn't understand, he stumbled upon something he was a little frightened to see. He stumbled upon someone's profile that had a series of videos embedded on the page titled 'Play Time' and various related sequels. The comments on the videos were all positive so, like an oblivious internet virgin, he decided to watch one. His eyes nearly fell from his skull when he realized what was happening. It took him a few seconds to understand it wasn't negative, but he immediately knew that's not how he wanted things to be between Cloud and himself.

The video was of a Charge and his much larger male Carrier having very violent sex. It started out where the Charge was being physically assaulted and allowing his Carrier to beat and smack him around with bruising force before he forcibly mounted him. It wasn't until the Charge yelled for more that Leon stopped himself from trying to figure out how to report a rape. He furrowed his brows together and glared at the screen, slightly intrigued but mostly horrified. He wasn't intrigued by the act itself but rather the question of 'how did they even figure out that the other liked it like this?' He had no idea what Totem the Carrier had, or how strong he actually was but the potential for seriously hurting his Charge was evident regardless. He didn't like it and disconnected from the internet entirely and just sat quietly for several minutes, trying to understand the appeal of such violence. He didn't get it, but it did make him think about Cloud. He remembered he hadn't checked on his Charge's profile in several days to see if there were any updates.

"…No way," Leon whispered to himself as he stared at the new words that had appeared. They seemed so alien to him, as he didn't want to believe it. Cloud's education history and location had appeared as well his official occupation as 'soldier.' He was from Midgar, which was expected, and Leon wasn't surprised by the military relation, but the education part was the biggest hurdle he had to cross mentally. Cloud was completely uneducated and illiterate, making the idea of getting him to do _anything_ once he crossed over just that much more difficult. Leon couldn't fathom someone having the inability to read, it just didn't happen in his world. Even if the people weren't highly educated, only a very small percentage couldn't read. His heart sank, feeling a bit of the hopelessness coming over him again.

Things just got extra complicated.

* * *

"Leon, you need to get up," Riku urged, peeking around the door into the aforementioned Carrier's bedroom. His grumpy friend had spent the next two days lying in bed with his face smashed into his mattress as he tried to come up with a reason as to why the Technicians thought that Cloud had any sort of potential. He came up with nothing, and was thoroughly depressed about it. He ignored Riku's very unthreatening demand and stay still. The snowy Carrier had had enough of Leon's moping and pushed his way into the room. He stuffed his hand under the covers and grabbed the other's ankle and dragged him down the length of his bed. Leon didn't try to resist even as his cheek started to burn from the friction.

"Nnnrg…" he groaned as his lower half was dropped onto the floor, leaving him practically kneeling off the edge of the bed.

"Now you're just being childish," Riku sighed.

"I feel like crying," Leon said flatly.

"Why? Because your Charge can't read? So what?"

"What do you mean 'so what'? That's a big deal! I'm going to make contact and he's going to smile at me and have missing teeth and ask me to play the banjo with him or something terrible like that."

"…That's actually sort of a funny visual."

"Then I'd ask him 'do you know what three plus three is?' and he'll respond 'dur-hur, is it 'pickles?'' and I'd die a little more inside."

"Okay, now you're just being offensive. Ai wasn't educated either and she wasn't like that in the least," Riku said. Leon heaved a heavy sigh and pushed himself back onto the bed properly and sat up.

"How did you deal with it?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't get the chance to, if you recall." It took a while for Riku to be able to talk about his late Charge without getting teary eyed. Leon was thankful he moved past it. Whenever Riku cried it made the mood rather awkward because he never knew what to do to help him.

"You had to have had a plan or something, though."

"I planned to teach her everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

"That's going to take years…" Leon trailed. Riku scowled and went around to sit on the bed in front of him. He sat heavily in his annoyance, bouncing them both with the force.

"You seem to think this process is just going to happen overnight. I understand the desire to do it that quickly, but you have to be realistic. It's going to be another fifty or sixty years _at least_ until you mature your first sibling. Then it's even more of a waiting game until they get their Charge. Then the Charge has to be educated and then the cycle starts all over again. It's a process that everyone goes through and you are no different. Every Charge has to be taught. They don't come in nice little prepackaged boxes for us to open and get started right away. Personally, I think that growth process they go through is the best part of having them, because it gives us the chance to grow with them."

"I'm not asking for a college degree. I just want him to be able to tell me what the words on the page say. It's really disconcerting to think that I'll have to teach a grown person how to do that much. I really don't see it as a positive thing. My biggest prerogative is getting started on my family; I've repeated myself a million times."

"But your Charge _is_ part of your family," Riku defended, giving him a quizzical look. "I don't know what you thought Cloud is going to be but you're going to have a really rough time with him if you treat him simply as a means to an end. I don't have to meet him to say that he'd be unhappy with such a hands off approach. It's a relationship, regardless of how far you two take it. You have to at least be able to acknowledge that he's a person and not a… _thing_," Riku said hesitantly.

"I know that. And I do acknowledge him as a person," Leon said defiantly.

"You might be aware he's a person but you have yet to come across like you give a damn about him otherwise. I feel like you're holding him at arms length and practically punishing him for not meeting your standards right away. Well, he's not going to meet them, I'll tell you that now, but he may over time and that's where the growth comes in. But you have to be patient enough to get to that point. You can either be completely negative about the entire process or you can be optimistic. It's your choice but you're going to miserable if you choose the former."

"It's hard to be optimistic when you feel like it's a hopeless situation."

"Why is it hopeless? You haven't even started."

"I sort of regret choosing him."

"Just because he can't read?"

"No, even before that. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I just… settled, rather than feeling like I really wanted him. Like 'oh, I don't really like any of them but I _guess_ this one is okay.' That bothers me. It doesn't feel right."

"Well, I hate to tell you but that's sort of what happened."

"I know. How do I fix it?" Leon asked.

"You adjust," Riku said. "Accept it for what it is and make the most of it."

* * *

As time ticked on, Leon never really got over Cloud's illiteracy. He didn't let it plague him like he had initially, though. He just continued on normally, spending his days studying and absorbing as much useful information as he could from the Charge forum. He used the term 'useful' loosely though. From what he could gather, there were a lot of Charges that wanted to go back to Plane 087. Most of those that said that were from Balamb though, and Leon really wondered why the place was so different from Midgar, aside from the obvious military aspect. He figured he'd find out soon enough though. He was leaving the next morning.

"Are you nervous?" Tifa asked as she ran a brush through her hair. Leon was pacing back and forth in her lab, his face halfway buried in a book, double and triple checking that he really knew what all that he had read. He was exhausted, as he had been for the last few years, but the jitteriness of leaving wouldn't let him sit still.

"Extremely," he admitted. Tifa wanted nothing more than to go up and hug him and pet his hair and tell him it would be alright, but she held off. That minefield wasn't worth traversing anymore.

"We got you something," she said and Leon stopped his pacing to look at her. She stood from her seat, set her brush aside, and went to dig in her desk. She approached him with a small flat box and held it out. He closed his book and tucked it under his arm, taking the gift from her. It wasn't wrapped, which was fine with him, and he pulled the lid off and raised a brow. Inside was a silver chain with a rather large charm dangling from the end. The trinket was that of a profile depiction of a roaring lion with what seemed to be a cross protruding from the base of its neck. It sort of looked like someone has skewered the animal's head on a pike to him but he tried his best to look appreciative.

"Riku chipped in a chunk too. He actually gave us most of his compensation from when Ai died. It took us a while to save up for the rest though, otherwise we would've given it to you sooner. The entire thing is silver so you should be able to take it with you," Zack said, leaning over the exam table with a smile.

"It's for your change code," Tifa said and took the box from him and pulled the chain out to show him. She flipped the charm over and there was a very small hinge in the back with a thin door attached. She used a fingernail to pull it open to reveal a compartment that was just big enough to hide the earring in. It clicked shut tightly so there was no chance of it opening and allowing the important stud to come tumbling out to get lost. At the opposite end of the chain was a clasp. Tifa reached around Leon's neck and draped the chain over him and clipped the clasp to a link in the chain. The excess with the charm hung down his chest and nearly cleared his sternum. "We got it like this so you could adjust the length if you had to wear it while you changed. It should be wide enough that it doesn't choke you."

"I don't really know what to say…" Leon trailed. Tifa smiled and pushed herself up on her tiptoes to hug him tightly around his neck. He set the book aside and hugged her back, resting his chin on her shoulder and allowing her to absorb some of his nervousness. Things were slowly cementing themselves into place for him. He was scared out of his mind of the high probability of failure. It loomed in the back of his mind like an ache that just wouldn't go away. Tifa had only meant the hug to be brief but Leon surprised her by hunching his shoulders and hiding his face in her hair, trying to chase his mental demons away and keep them from antagonizing him.

"Leon…" she trailed with obvious concern in her voice. She looked to Zack over Leon's shoulder and gave him a worried expression. The Charge furrowed his brows and went to them and patted the clinging Carrier's back.

"I'm so scared," Leon squeaked quietly. Tifa's brows knit together and she ran her fingers through the ends of his hair.

"You'll be fine," she cooed and hugged his face into her shoulder.

"What has you so freaked out?" Zack asked. Leon swallowed thickly before pulling away and forcing himself to stand upright again. He took a breath.

"Pretty much everything. I don't feel like I'm prepared enough, there are too many questions I haven't had answered, and the huge possibility of things ending badly just won't leave me alone," he muttered, feeling his self control come back to him bit by bit.

"You're not leaving here and jumping right into the thick of it. You have time to adjust to their world, watch Cloud grow up so you can answer some of those questions, and lots of opportunities to plan things the way you want them to go. Don't worry about it," Tifa said.

"I don't even have my itinerary yet," Leon said, composure returned.

"It doesn't matter. Yeah, your paperwork will have you going somewhere specific, but you still have that time to plan so you can make it work. Even if you decide to deviate away from where you're supposed to go, so long as you're prepared, it'll be fine. The Technicians aren't going to be hovering over you and forcing you to do things their way though they'd like to think they are. You'll have so much more freedom on the other side. You may as well enjoy it," she added.

"I suppose that's true," the other agreed. The idea of having personal freedoms like normal humans have was something he hadn't even considered. He liked the idea of being able to dress himself how he wanted and interacting with people in public establishments. The simple things were quickly becoming the most intriguing.

"See? Silver linings, my friend. Silver linings," Zack said with a wide smile. Leon smirked as something came to mind.

"Want to hear a _really_ awful pun?" he asked.

"Sure," Zack chuckled.

"Does that mean every Cloud will have a silver lining?"

* * *

Control control control. That's what Leon kept telling himself he needed. He couldn't argue Zack and Tifa's very valid points of having control of things once he crossed over, but his lack of sleep the previous evening really wasn't helping his resolve stay together. He was up the entire night worrying and studying as much as he could bear. He was shaky and jittery inside and felt like he was going to wet himself if he didn't move forward and start working some of the energy out of his system. He spent a good portion of the morning pacing and ignoring how hungry he was. The only instructions he had been given were to be up and ready by six in the morning and not to eat anything. It was a little after five and he couldn't stand it.

"Leon?" Riku called from the other side of his door before he knocked. The russet Carrier answered quickly and the other startled with how quickly the door swung open. Riku immediately furrowed his brows together in concern. "You look like shit," he blurted.

"I know. Thanks," Leon grumped with a deep scowl. He was fully aware of the tired bags under his eyes and the haggard expression he couldn't get rid of.

"I take it you're up and ready?"

"Up, yes. Ready? Not in the least."

"Well, sorry. Too bad. Keys," Riku demanded and held out his hand. Leon dug in his pocket for his room keys and set them in his palm. "I'll run your plumbing every now and again so it stays working. You're not coming back here for checkups like everyone else does so it could go without being used for twenty some-odd years. Got your change code?" he asked. Leon nodded and pulled the chain out from under his shirt.

"Thank you, by the way. Zack said you pitched in a good portion of money for this," he said. Riku nodded.

"What else was I going to spend it on? It was all the Committee's way of saying 'sorry she's dead, have some money so you can buy yourself stuff and get happy again so you can get back to work.' I never asked for compensation and consolation sure as hell wasn't going to come from material things."

"Understandable, I think I would've felt the same way. I'll have to remember to get you all something if I'm successful." He wouldn't earn his pay unless Cloud came with him.

"Don't think in 'ifs.' It's 'when' you're successful. I have faith in you," Riku said. Leon's smile following the encouragement was miniscule, but it was there.

"Thanks," he deadpanned, wishing he could feel the same way.

"Anyway, let's head outside so you're not cooped up and brooding. Zack and Tifa should meet us out there in a few," Riku said. Leon nodded. "Have everything?"

"What else am I supposed to take?"

"Just checking," Riku chuckled and pulled the door closed, locking it. They headed down the hall together, each step taking double the effort of the previous one, or so Leon felt. He almost wanted to crawl back in the bed and hide but he forced himself forward and out the front entrance of the facility where Tifa and Zack were already waiting. Tifa had tears in her eyes and rushed at his, arms open wide. Leon had hardly a second to react before he was plowed into, the woman squeezing the life from him.

"I'm going to miss you so much!" she cried, smashing herself up against him. The air was pushed from his lungs and he let out a strangled squeak, his arms trapped at his sides.

"Please…let go," he struggled. She released him and immediately sucked the breath back into himself and gave her a withering smile. "I'll miss you too?" he asked, unsure if he actually would. She didn't catch the slight questioning inflection at the end and smiled as tears poured down her face.

They hung around outside, the other three crowding around Leon and bombarding him with encouragement. Zack took some time to double and triple check some of the key points of the russet Carrier's lessons and review a bit of the languages. Leon wasn't perfect, he was still tripping over himself a bit with all the information, but he hoped he could get the hang of it before Cloud was born. After another forty-five minutes of waiting around, a white box-like van came puttering over the hill towards them. Tifa let out a wail and forced herself into Leon's personal bubble again, hugging him tight and rambling on how he would be 'just fine' and 'not to worry.' Leon was thankful Zack and Riku were satisfied with handshakes. Xemnas, the Technician he could remember from so few years ago exited the vehicle and came to them, paying more attention to his tablet than anything else.

"9x8b?" he barked when he grew close. Leon broke away from Tifa's motherly clinging and went to him. Xemnas' attention flicked to him for barely a second before he nodded, poked at his tablet some more, and turned back to the van. "In the back," he ordered as another Technician opened the double doors into the bed of the vehicle. Leon glanced behind himself and waved a bit, unable to think of anything to say. They all waved back, Zack holding Tifa at bay by her shoulders.

"Going to make a pit stop a few domes over," the nameless Technician said as Leon climbed passed by him and into the vehicle. He furrowed his brows together thoughtfully.

"Is someone coming with me?" he asked, a bit hopeful. The man nodded and shrugged.

"Some sort of cow or something. Fuck if I remember who it is. I just drive the van."

* * *

**Extra A/N: **Please vote in my new poll on my profile page!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Very description heavy chapter.

* * *

Chapter 5

Leon spent the next four hours feeling horrendously nauseated as he was tossed around the back of the van like a rattle that had been given to an overly excited infant. The terrain outside of the dome was uneven and bumpy in a lot of places but the lack of sufficient seating and safety restraints was his biggest problem. There was simply a bench and nothing else. It also didn't help that everything was made of smooth metal so any sort of traction he could hope to have was nonexistent. He eventually just gave up and lay on the floor and let himself slide around with the movements, protecting his head and face when necessary. Not that it helped his stomach any.

He thanked his lucky stars when the vehicle finally stopped to check in at the next dome's gate. From that point, the ride was just another hour and it was made substantially better by smooth city streets. When the van rolled to a stop again, he quickly pulled himself up from the floor and sat on the bench so whoever was joining him didn't think he was insane. The doors up front opened and closed as Xemnas and the other Technician got out. There was a brief silence before the doors into his uncomfortable metal box were pulled open. A rush of air wafted in, making Leon realize how stuffy it had gotten.

From his seat, Leon could only see what was directly behind the van. There was a short trail leading several yards away where a crowd of people were making a commotion. He would've bet there were at least twenty-five of them, Carriers and Charges alike. There were also a couple of human children mixed in that confused him. All of them, though, were rallying around one individual who was trying his hardest to pull away and say sufficient goodbyes at the same time. Xemnas got to them, barked something Leon couldn't hear over the other voices, and then the volume tripled as every woman amongst them wailed sappy goodbyes and the children started crying simply because their mothers were. The Carrier that was leaving, a male with flaming red hair, trailed after Xemnas with a smile.

"Reno!" came a very effeminate squeal as a girl with bright curly blonde hair, who couldn't have been more than three, broke through the crowd and bounded down the trail after him as fast as her stubby little legs would carry her. The Carrier turned to meet her and stooped down low as she rushed forward into his arms. The girl sobbed and sputtered in his face, cheeks and nose bright pink and dripping. "I dun' wan' you t—" she hiccupped, sniffled, and tried again "to go!" she squealed. Xemnas heaved an annoyed sigh and rolled his eyes, heading past the van and back to his seat in the front. Reno hugged the girl tight and laid his cheek against hers, speaking low in her ear as she sniffled and listened.

"Okay?" he asked her and gave her a wide grin. She hiccupped again and thought about it before she nodded and he set her down again.

"Claire!" called another Carrier, a female this time, as she hurried down the trail and scooped the girl up. She and Reno shared a few words and a hug before he pulled away again and walked to the van. The rest of the crowd yelled more 'goodbyes' and 'good lucks' to him as he pulled himself into the back with Leon and the doors were closed behind him. The noise died considerably afterward, but the voices could still be heard as a muffled hum.

Now that he could see him better, Leon decided that Reno looked incredibly young, almost as if he was still a teenager when he was pulled from his gestation tank. His wild hair stuck out in all directions with a few pieces falling in his face and a long tail in the back that fell past his shoulder blades. It took him a few minutes to realize that two red curves flanked each of his eyes and they were actually part of his skin versus stray pieces of hair. His skin was pale, his eyes were blue, and that's just about all Leon cared to know. Reno sat quietly for a few minutes, knowing the other Carrier was there, but not knowing what to say.

"I'd offer to shake your hand but I can't really see very well," Reno admitted with a breathy laugh. Leon hadn't even registered how dark it was in the van until just then; he could see just fine. The vehicle started again and headed off towards the gate.

"It's fine," the other deadpanned. Reno's attention was focused off to the side. He seemed a little skittish, his posture was tense, his expression a bit worried, but Leon didn't understand why.

"So uh… Hi. My name's Reno."

"Leon."

"Fitting," Reno snorted.

"Why do you say that?"

"Your scent tells me what your Totem is. Lion. That's uh… a really big cat," Reno blurted nervously. "Sorry, I've never met a predatory Carrier before. Give me a minute," he added and fidgeted in his seat.

_You're acting like I'm going to attack you for dinner_, _thanks for assuming I'm that uncivilized,_ Leon thought.

He took a moment to concentrate on the air and see if he could pick up Reno's scent just as easily. He could recognize that the other was there and was something he could eat, but there wasn't much else to go off of otherwise. But he was definitely a Carrier that much was certain, and for a predatory Carrier like himself, that's all they needed to know. Through time and experience Leon would be able to pick up on getting more specific with the Totems but the only reason he was able to pick up on it in the first place was to keep a certain amount of awareness around him to protect his Charge. It wasn't a necessity to get that specific. For prey animals (of all sizes) their senses were finely tuned simply because their Totem's were. They had to be aware of all the details otherwise they wouldn't be able to assess who was dangerous and who wasn't.

"I take it that hoard of people was your family?" Leon asked to break up the uneasy silence. He tried his hardest to not sound insanely jealous, even though he was.

"Yeah, those are my cousins. I have a lot of them. But I consider all their Charges and kids my cousins too; I only have twelve Carrier cousins."

"Cousins?"

"I don't have any siblings. I'm a subspecies and the first of my kind; the Buffalo, even though that name is a misnomer. All the true buffalo are other separate subspecies and I'm technically of the American Bison strain, but since America doesn't exactly exist anymore we just sort of wing it. 'Plains Bison' is probably the most accurate since all of the other bison types will come from me. But whatever. My Totem is huge and fat and stands around and eats grass all day, that's about all I have to remember," Reno said with a joking tone. His body language loosened some and he sat back against the wall of the van.

"I'm the first of mine as well," Leon said. _Even though our situations hardly compare_.

"Oh. Well that's sort of cool. I like the idea of doing stuff my own way, you know? Running the project how I like and all that."

"I suppose." The conversation ground to a halt as the topic dissipated. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for the entire hour and a half it took to get to the gate, have someone coat the van in another layer of anti-radiation spray, and cross back out into the uneven terrain outside. Reno was less than graceful and tried to cling to the bench to stay in place, his nails scraping against the metal while he grumbled in his annoyance. Leon simply abandoned his seat entirely and squashed himself in a corner to minimize the area he could get thrown around in. He found it worked relatively well and didn't upset his stomach quite so much.

"God damn this is awful," Reno muttered, draping himself along the bench and grabbing hold of it when he needed to.

"Yep," Leon agreed. Another hour passed.

"So, what plane are you headed off to?" Reno asked.

"Are we not going to the same place?"

"We may be; I have no idea. Everyone leaves through the same portals, but the computers change the planes. It's not like they have one portal per plane or anything."

"Oh. Plane 087."

"Me too! Yay, I won't be by myself," Reno twittered with a smile, his humor picking up considerably. "Do you know where you're going yet? Got your itinerary?"

"I don't know yet, no."

"Ah. They're going to try and send me to Midgar but I'm going to try and sneak away and get closer to Gongaga where my Charge is supposed to be."

"I see," Leon said. He could vaguely remember the post on the Charge forum from several months before and wondered if it was Reno who made it. He didn't care enough to ask though.

"Do you know anything about Balamb? Because I couldn't find much information on it. Even when I went online the people I found that _did_ come from there were more concerned about going back versus talking about what it was like. I wonder what's so appealing about it," Reno said thoughtfully.

"I don't know. I'm sort of in the same boat. I'd like to know too."

"Ah. Damn. I'm really curious. Regardless, I'm glad I'll have someone to talk to."

"I might not be going to Midgar, so I don't know if we'll be able to talk much."

"Yeah we will. We're staying in the same place until we can make contact with our Charges. Shumi Village is way at the tippy top of Balamb's territory but hardly anyone pays attention to it. Supposedly, the Shumi people know what we are and are totally cool about it. The Technicians set up a sort of lab-away-from-home there and everything. I don't know all the details exactly but they told me we should be able to stay there without being disturbed."

"That… actually makes me feel a lot better about all this," Leon said, and he meant it too. Some of his questions had been answered and he could breathe a little easier. At least he knew for the first seventeen years, he'd have somewhere to stay. Even if he had to fend for himself as far as food went, he'd have somewhere to return to. "Anything else I don't know about?" he asked.

"Not really, no. That's about all they told me. Shumi Village and Midgar. End itinerary," Reno sighed. Leon nodded and settled back. The van hit a particularly large bump and they both startled and banged into the walls. Reno rubbed the back of his head with a groan.

* * *

Three more hours passed. Reno and Leon were just about fed up with their transportation by the time it pulled to a stop at the gate of yet another dome. It was there for only a few minutes before it lumbered up into the city and rolled to a stop in front of the Compound. It was the same building Leon had been matured in just a few short years before and he really wasn't looking forward to going back. The memories there weren't the greatest. But, it was better than staying in the van. Reno obviously felt the same way as he practically launched himself out of the vehicle; so much so he landed strangely and flopped forward onto the ground. Leon scowled a bit and simply climbed out like a civilized adult and went to find Xemnas.

"I'm okay," Reno blurted and quickly pulled himself to his feet again and brushed the dirt and pieces of grass off his shirt. Xemnas exited the front passenger seat and ignored them both as he headed off towards the building. The Carriers left the driver with the van and chased after him. The Technician didn't say a word to them as they wove through the hallways, passing dozens of labs holding dozens of Carriers floating in dozens of gestational tanks. It was an off putting sight to see so many naked people in various stages of growth and Leon tried his best to not look in the rooms curiously.

They stopped in a large open room that had several Catalogue terminals as well as two huge crystal formations stuck in the floor. Around the crystal portals were their accompanying metal rings and a thick ropes of wires, each attaching to its own terminal. The wires weren't connected to the crystals themselves that they could see but they dipped into the floor and disappeared under the tiles outside the rings. There were a few other Technicians present, one of which was a woman with short choppy blue hair that hung around her face in uneven pieces. She was busy typing away at one of the Catalogue terminals attached to a portal.

"Aqua," Xemnas spat. She stopped what she was doing and turned to him.

"Yes sir?" she asked.

"Itineraries," he demanded. She scowled at his tone and went to a nearby desk and opened the drawer and dug around in its contents. She flipped through some files and produced two packets of papers and handed them over to Xemnas. He looked them over briefly, making sure everything was there before he went and handed them over to their respective Carriers. "You should find everything you'll need in there, and your tentative plans to locate your Charges; we've already logged and found their parents so you can watch them until your Charges are born. The Shumi people are expecting you on the other side. You two will be the only ones staying there from our plane. I don't expect anyone else to pass through before you head out to make contact, but that may change."

"Question…" Leon trailed, only halfway paying attention to the Technician as he looked through his papers, deciphering the foreign lettering and translating it for himself.

"What is it?" Xemnas asked impatiently.

"Who's 'Squall?'"

"You are."

"No… my name is Leon," the Carrier defended. The birth certificate and all the citizenship papers he would need were assigned to a 'Squall Leonhart.' Not only was that not his name, it was perhaps even worse than 'Cloud.' Where Xemnas pulled such a terrible combination of letters from, he didn't want to ask, but he had a sinking suspicion is came from the vicinity of the man's ass. In response, the Technician scoffed at him.

"You don't have a name. But you can't exactly go around spouting your number at everyone so we assigned you one. Deal with it, because you can't change it now. It's a little late for that."

"You could've asked at some point or something," Leon muttered.

"That would imply that I give a damn, and I don't. Get ready. You're leaving as soon as Aqua starts the portals," Xemnas said flippantly and waved a dismissive hand. Leon furrowed his brows and glared at the Technician something fierce. Reno shuffled his papers back into order and Aqua took that as a cue to start the machines. Leon returned to looking through his papers and stopped when he noticed what places he had citizenship in.

"Balamb?" he balked and gaped at the papers. "That's on the other side of the world from where I need to be! My Charge is in Midgar!"

"And you'll have plenty of resources available to you in order to get there," Xemnas said sternly. Every piece of relief Leon felt from the information Reno gave him crumbled away as the nervousness and the anxiety returned. He didn't know what else he could say as the Technician in front of him kept his expression stony, unwavering. It wasn't fair. Everything was stacked against him, practically setting him up for failure. To his right, the crystal portals sprung to life, their metal rings clacking with unbridled electricity. An overwhelming sense of dread fell on his shoulders as he clasped the papers tightly. Reno stepped to him and patted his shoulder a bit, hoping to give just a bit of comfort but the other Carrier shrugged him off.

"Just trying to help…" Reno muttered quietly to himself.

"Failure is not an option," Xemnas said.

"You don't have control of that, and neither do we," Leon spat grumpily at him.

"Well you better make sure you come up with some control then before you come back here," Xemnas threatened.

"Or what?"

"Or you'll regret it," Xemnas said. Leon scoffed and rolled his eyes at the man's obvious lack of verbal ammunition. He highly doubted he would be punished if he failed, but the idea was something he didn't want to consider regardless. The portal crackled and flashed, sounding much like an uncontrollable Tesla coil. Aqua turned to them and Xemnas looked to her. He nodded and turned on his heel, heading out of the lab with his chin in the air. The woman approached them with a wavering smile.

"Sorry it's not ideal, but we did what we could in order to get your guy's information together quickly. It's really hard to get in there and find someone who's willing to show and let us copy their paperwork so we could make forgeries. Balamb actually has the most lax immigration policy since they willingly take in refugees that run from Midgar," she said, looking to Leon. "Xemnas was right when he said you'd have a lot of resources there. You also have a lot of extra paperwork in there compared to what Reno has, if you notice," she added and the russet Carrier flipped through the papers again.

"I don't understand what all of this is," he admitted. Aqua nodded.

"Probably not, but the Shumi know what the plan is and will help you once you get over there. But we need to hurry; otherwise we may miss the door. Come on now," she urged, stepping back and sweeping her arm to the side, motioning to the portal that was poised and ready for use. Reno took a deep breath, gave Aqua a smile and headed into the ring first.

"See you over there," he said over his shoulder to Leon. The redhead placed his hand on the crystal's surface and a green line passed over his skin as the portal scanned him, making sure of who and what he was. The lights overhead in the room flickered as the crystal sucked the power from them. Piece by molecular piece of Reno's body began dissolving and flowing into the crystal. Everything went with him, his clothing, his paperwork, and his obnoxious hair. Leon watched quietly, the entire process taking less than a minute. Once Reno was gone, he looked to Aqua.

"Good luck," she said and gave him a kind smile.

* * *

Leon couldn't actually remember passing through the portal. He knew he had though, because when he became aware of himself again, he couldn't hear the crystal's crackling electricity. He was lying on a cushioned surface, exhausted. He was tempted to just roll over and catch up on the sleep he had missed but his overly curious mind wouldn't let him sit still. But as he tried to sit up and become active, he found that it was way more work than what he wanted it to be. He felt drained, heavy, possibly even a little sore, and forcing his eyes open was just about all he could bring himself to do.

"Aah…" came a curious voice from his side, calm and warm. His vision was blurry and all he could see was the white of the ceiling but he could feel the presence next to him. A face appeared over his and he startled, though he doubted the thing above him could tell. The creature had a humanoid appearance in terms of facial structure though the features were far from what he was expecting. He assumed the being was one of the Shumi people but he was still a little confused.

Its skin was a buttery yellow and it was completely bald. No facial hair, no eyebrows, nothing discerning its gender other than the tone of its voice, and even then, Leon couldn't figure it out. It had lips, ears that were little more than hooded holes in the sides of its head, and a small bump of a nose but its eyes were startlingly large and round. They had to be as big as golf balls and were almost completely black but as it looked him over he could tell that there was a thin ring of white outside the irises. He had absolutely no idea what to think. Long, thick, worm-like protrusions eased up next to its face and wiggled at him in a wave and it took him a minute to realize that they were its fingers. A wide smile eased across its face as Leon gaped at it, dumbfounded. He could almost feel the color draining from his face.

"⌡╙╥╛⌐○?" it questioned and Leon blinked a few times, forcing his brain to switch gears into accepting a new language. He and Zack had had a few discussions in the two different dialects he was taught and he had to replay the phrases over and over in his head to pick out the right syllables and figure out which one he was supposed to remember. Then he mentally kicked himself. Reno had said that the Shumi Village was in Balamb's territory, making the decision a no-brainer.

"Nng…" he groaned tiredly, which was of no particular jargon, but it was all he could do. The Shumi smiled wider, revealing two rows of perfectly square teeth.

"┤¬╛-you're awake. We should probably get you up and moving. Idle hands won't get anything accomplished. Best push yourself," it said with an encouraging tone. Leon took a deep breath and realized the air was much… fresher. Not that the air in the dome back home was any less healthy, but it had an earthy undertone to it in this new environment. He liked it, and it made getting up to go see why it was so nice just a little easier to do. The Shumi helped him sit up, pressing its noodle fingers into his back for support. Everything ached as he sat and let his eyes adjust.

The room he was in was a lot more colorful than what he was used to seeing. The ceiling was white, yes, but it wasn't a solid block of nothingness like his home was. It was made of individual tiles, each square holding a soft abstract off-white pattern, making it more of a mosaic than anything else. The walls were a deep rich purple with maroon scrollwork etched through the color only to be offset by thick mahogany molding around the floor and ceiling. The flooring was a soft carpeting that was the same color as the elaborate pattern on the walls, a bold umber. The bed he was sitting on was pretty much a box with a plush navy cushion; there were several more around the room along with it.

Off in the far corner, next to a set of bronze doors with impressive gold metalwork pounded into the panels, was what amounted to a concrete slab with another crystal portal protruding out of it. Right next to that was a Catalogue terminal and its subsequent rope of wiring dipping into the floor. Next to the terminal was a closet, but not much else. There were a few decorations and plants, but the room wasn't horrendously big to begin with and any more adornments would've made it seem rather crowded.

"Welcome," the Shumi said with a broad smile, pulling Leon's attention to it again. He was surprised by how tall it was, being well over two feet taller than himself. It wore a robe that fell to the floor with huge bell shaped sleeves that covered its enormous fingers with excess to spare. The pattern was complicated, filled with tiny shapes and nonsensical squiggles in just about every shade of green he could think of. It was held closed with a deep gold cord that matched the wide gold hems that outlined the entire garment.

"Uh…" he trailed stupidly, staring at the creature wordlessly. The Shumi made a noise that sounded sort of like a gurgle and sort of like a hiss but it was broken up, making the overall expression an obvious chuckle. It turned away from him and practically glided over the floor making hardly a sound as it went to retrieve the file full of papers Leon hadn't realized was missing from his hands. He felt his chest and discovered that he still had his chain and lion pendant tucked under his shirt, which was a relief. Everything had made it with him successfully.

"Squall," the Shumi said, looking down at the paperwork, and Leon furrowed his brows. He considered correcting the creature and insisting that it wasn't his name, but he stopped himself. He would have to get used to hearing it because that's what the rest of the world would call him, even if the name wanted to make him gag.

"Yes," he forced himself to say. The Shumi nodded and went to him again, the folder tucked under its arm. It held its hand out to him, though it stayed covered in fabric. He timidly let it help him to his feet. He noticed immediately that the temperature radiating off of the creature's hand was colder than what he expected, and the fabric of the robe was extremely thin and soft. He stood for a few minutes, getting his bearings and trying to focus past the disorientation.

"Come with me," the Shumi urged and started off towards the doors. Leon teetered after it while keeping a cautious, albeit curious, eye on everything around him. To his surprise, instead of swinging outward on hinges like other doors, the panels simply slid into the walls with a quick '_shwoof_' exposing the next room, which startled him even more than the first.

He looked up and all he could see was triangular glass panels flanked by bronze metalwork that bent in all directions creating a dome over the entire area. It was enormous for one room. Hardly bigger than a few houses in the city back on his own plane but to have it in one single finite space was a bit more grandiose and one over an entire city. After a while, he forgot the dome even existed back home but the new one he was seeing was a bit harder to ignore. The framework was much thicker and obvious. The environment past the glass, though, was a whitewash of snow which seemed odd because he didn't feel cold in the least. The décor otherwise was similar to the pseudo-lab he had just left except the seating was round instead of rectangular.

"Leon," Reno said abruptly, pulling the other Carrier's attention to him. The redhead was sitting on one of the rounded chairs, looking tired but in good spirits. Leon went to sit next to him on another cushion. The Shumi muttered something to itself grumpily before heading back through the doors into the pseudo-lab. "Are you feeling okay?" the redhead questioned. Leon nodded.

"Yeah… I'm just a little out of it," he said, forcing himself to speak in the new language. He figured he'd better get used to it, just like his name.

"Me too," Reno said, mimicking him in dialect. The doors popped open again and the Shumi reemerged, holding what looked to be two square plates in its hands with the folders of papers on top of them.

"Mr. Xemnas said that these are for you two to use to watch your Charges with, but they cannot do much else. The only other things they can do is communicate with one another, reset your colors, and store reports and records. The Mainframe Catalogue program is of no use to you here as we don't have the full facilities to accommodate your work, so we just have what you would most likely use," it explained. It set the plates on another seat and took one with each folder and handed them off to the Carriers.

The plate was actually an extremely thin computer which wasn't much bigger than an ordinary laptop. A small compartment in the side clicked open where a Link cable hid. It flipped open like a laptop did and had a screen, but the place where the keyboard would be wasn't actually a keyboard like one would expect. It was an inset piece of special glass like the Catalogue terminals had where they could control the programs just like they did at home, where the interface changed depending on what they were doing. There wasn't a place to plug it into a wall outlet or keep it powered and Leon vaguely wondered if it would be a problem later.

The Shumi let them poke around with their new toys and stepped to a pedestal that was off to the side of the seating arrangement. It pulled open a panel and pressed a few buttons and suddenly there was a tremor that startled Leon and Reno both and caused them to look around confusedly. Before they could gather what was happening, they found themselves being lowered past the line of the floor. The area they were sitting in acted as an oversized elevator as a wide disc of floor space descended under the horizon line, taking all three of them with it. Once they realized they weren't dying, Leon and Reno relaxed. The Shumi, calm as can be, sat and waited patiently.

The elevator stopped almost a half hour later in a room that was very similar to the other one save for the dome part. They followed the Shumi out of the room and stopped after a few feet through the doors. The scenery was unlike anything either of them had come across. They were underground, that much was certain, but the Shumi people had built an entire village into the landscape. Petite domed houses dotted the cliffs and different tiers of blue-gray stone, all of them of remarkable craftsmanship and metalworking. Hardly any of the buildings were over one story, but those that were, segmented out into the cliffs, using the height to their advantage and utilizing the natural staircases they made. It wasn't a terribly huge place, and couldn't have covered more than a couple miles, part of that being taken up by a large garden.

The groundcover was lush with semi-tall grasses, colorful wildflowers, and cattails coating everything with a flat surface. There were a series of waterfalls poking through the rock walls, creating a system of streams, all of which had ornate foot bridges to traverse. There were animals. _Recognizable_ animals. Leon couldn't believe it. The streams had lily pads with frogs sitting on them and a few bird like something-or-others flew overhead into an enormous tree that had sprouted from the earth, entangling its roots into the uneven terrain. The entire village was covered by the roof of the cavern where the light came through. It shined down onto the landscape through massive pieces of what looked to be crystal, making the environment glimmer with the fluctuating glow. Leon presumed they went all the way through the earth to the surface and reflected the natural sunlight through themselves, making all the life before him possible but he couldn't say for sure. Whatever it was, he was amazed, speechless. Reno shared the same sentiment and stared like a deer in headlights.

"If…" the redhead trailed, catching Leon's attention. "If… this is what all of Balamb is like, I can understand why people would want to go back," he finished, looking to Leon properly. "You know? This is way better than anything we have at home." Before the russet Carrier could respond the Shumi chuckled again.

"Mr. Xemnas has shared pictures of what your world has become and what it was like before," it said with a small smile. Its expression turned somber and it sighed. "We, as a people, decided to assist you in your quest to return your world to what it once was because we know that this one doesn't have much time left. We cannot leave here, but we would like as many people of this world to go with you so that they may have a second chance, and right the wrongs they've made."

"That's very generous and noble of you," Leon said. The Shumi nodded some.

"Perhaps it is, but we don't see it as such. It is the least we could do in order to seek forgiveness for the people's sins. It is a sad story, but not one you have to concern yourselves with if you do not feel the need. You are doing more than enough already and we're already grateful. Every soul is precious, so even taking just two from here is a priceless act. But…" it trailed, forcing a happy expression again, "that just means we're more appreciative of your presence. Come, I will show you where you're to stay."

Leon smiled some. It was nice to hear someone say that they appreciated him. It's even better when it comes from a complete stranger who doesn't even know him. A bit of blind faith in his ability was a decent ego boost. Reno seemed a bit more cheery as well. They followed after the Shumi, weaving through paths in the underbrush and up natural staircases. There were a few people to pass, all of which looked similar to the one they were following with only minute differences in appearance to differentiate them. Everyone's clothing was relatively the same; long flowing garments of vibrant colors and metallic hemming, and everyone's hands were covered either by lengthy sleeves or gloves. They received a few acknowledging waves, a few smiles, but the majority just carried on like normal, nothing negative though, which was refreshing. Leon still couldn't tell which was a male and which was a female, though. If the Shumi people even worked that way, that is.

They passed several shops selling ornate jewelry and clothing, some selling tools, and a few that sold what looked to be food items. There was a large cathedral-like building in the middle of the village where many people milled around socializing, but their guide headed past there and towards one of the few multilevel buildings dotting the cliff faces. Once through the doors, Leon and Reno were rendered speechless yet again. They were amazed at the craftsmanship of everything the Shumi had made. No detail was left undone and the building they were in now was no different. It was built around the protrusions of the cliff and accommodated every bump and curve, the walls filling in the crevices with careful precision.

Stairs had been carved into the rock, leading up to the second story, but they seemed awful treacherous as they didn't have any sort of railing or anything to keep one from toppling down to the bottom floor. There was a banister flanking the landing for the upper floor though. The setup looked like an inn, with an elongated bar and countertop made of a dark wood with silver inlays. Behind the counter was a wall of keys and a book for checking in. The lobby area across from the bar had benches to sit on with colorful cushions and tapestries on the walls as well as an oversized woven rug covering most of the floor. There was a large pillar jutting from the middle of the space, holding up the domed roof but half of it had been carved out and replaced with glass to accommodate an enormous aquarium with a dozen colorful fish swimming about.

"You will be staying upstairs where there are more homey accommodations rather than just a room to sleep in," their guide said. They both looked to it with dumbfounded expressions, still trying to absorb all that they had seen so far. "We have provided you with clothing and everything we think you will need. I must leave you now and inform the Elder of your arrival. You are free to roam as you wish, but try not to go too far as the Elder will want to see you," it smiled. Leon and Reno nodded wordlessly and exchanged an uneasy look with one another. Their guide folded its hands in front of itself and gave them a curt bow before leaving them. Leon and Reno looked around and then back to each other.

"There's no one at the desk," Reno commented, heading over to the counter to take a peek. He looked around and noticed the check-in book and skimmed the page it was opened to. "Oh. We're already signed in I guess," he said.

"So… do we just head up there? Are the rooms unlocked?" Leon asked. Reno looked to him with a shrug.

"I have no idea, let's just go see what we can see," he said and made his way to the stairs. He eyed them warily. "Oh man, that's going to take some getting used to. I don't do so good with narrow steps like these," he said in relation to how shallow the steps themselves were. Leon had the sudden visual of Reno's Primal trying to smash its huge hulking body onto a tiny rock in the middle of a stream, trying to not fall in and get its hooves wet. The redhead carefully headed up the stairs, walking on his tiptoes.

Leon took one last look around before following after him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

The upper area of the inn was, as their guide had said, rather homey. It was open to the landing that overlooked the bottom floor but set up as a living area complete with plush seating, a small kitchen area and a table to eat at. There were three doors in a row towards the back, the one in the middle being the bathroom (fully stocked with toiletries) and the bedrooms flanking either side. Leon was extremely happy that the environment, though much more glamorous than his home, was still familiar. The toilet looked like a toilet, the shower looked like a shower, and the kitchen accoutrements looked normal and functional. Most of the surfaces were either made of the bronzy-copperish metal or deep woods, which was a bit off putting initially, but forgivable. Leon felt odd using a bronze toilet.

The bedrooms weren't much bigger than what he and Reno had at home. They each had a bed that was built in as a permanent fixture that was big enough for two people, with elaborate scrolling metal headboards. There was a storage chest as well as a side table and a lamp. A wooden desk was across from the bed and next to a freestanding closet that was stocked with clothing as the guide had said. Most of what was there was more of what he had already seen; flowing robes and lengthy drapes of fabric all of which had vibrant patterns and colors. There were a few normal looking plain t-shirts as well, but the pants they were provided with were just as billowy and excessively loose fitting like the rest of it. The shoes were little more than plain sandals. It was all very nice but Leon couldn't help but feel like he would be wearing a dress ninety percent of the time he was there. Reno, on the other hand, had no qualms about it.

"Okay so… which one do you want?" Reno asked in relation to the bedrooms. They all had the same things and all of the clothing was a bit oversized for them so really the only choice to be made was the color palette. They each had a few variations, one room being predominantly green and the other being blue. Why Reno thought Leon gave a damn, he would never know. He simply shrugged.

"Whichever one you don't want," he deflected.

"M'kay," Reno said and headed into the green room. Leon headed into the blue one and set his file of papers on the desk with his flat plate-like computer.

_Now what?_ He thought as he looked around the room. He noticed that the doors into the various rooms all slid into the walls and he really wondered how he would keep people from abruptly barging in on him. They didn't even have to be trying to get in to disturb him, they just had to walk by close enough to the wall and the door would pop open. He scowled at the doorway, unhappy with that little detail. He also noticed he had a skylight in lieu of a window and that there was a circular latch in the wall just above the corner of his desk. He pushed the little door aside and behind it was a hole in the wall, which confused him. He could feel a bit of a cold breeze waft through it and he immediately thought it was for ventilation but it didn't bore straight through to the outside so he wasn't sure.

After taking inventory of his clothing, he went to the storage chest and pulled it open, expecting and empty box. He was wrong, it was completely full of shiny little… bugs. Or whatever they were supposed to be. He picked one up and it immediately crushed between his fingers, exploding in a series of tiny gears and bits. He startled, never having realized he was that heavy handed before. He forced himself to use a bit of gentler touch with the next one and looked it over. It was metal, brown, and looked to be a cross between a grasshopper and a cockroach. It was obviously man made (or Shumi made as the case may have it) but he didn't understand what the purpose was. Its underside held a tiny hole that looked like it could fit a Link cable plug so he decided to experiment and hook one up to his computer.

His computer didn't have a power button, like all of the computers he had come across in his life so far, and it blipped on when he plugged the bug into it. He typed in his model number when prompted, and waited. He was then presented with a map of the entire planet, laid out flat like he had seen in his textbooks. There was a line dividing the Midgar half from the Balamb half, though admittedly the Balamb half was more or less a third. There was a blinking light way at the top of Balamb's territory and he didn't know if it was showing him his current location or the bug's current location. Regardless, the interface on the keyboard changed and gave him a series of options to choose.

_Subject record retrieval_

_ Live broadcast_

_ Standby and record_

_ DNA retrieval _

_Settings_

Leon quickly understood. The chest full of bugs was what he was going to use to watch his Charge with. He browsed the settings and found he could change his preferences for audio and visual records and how to preserve the bug's battery power so it could get the most information over the longest period of time. He also realized that having a chest full of thousands of them was probably necessary and wondered if he would run out over time, and if he did, what he could do about it. He really didn't want to visit with the Elder now, though he knew he would have to. He wanted to stay and play with his new toys and see what he could see. The possibilities were endless.

His door slid open abruptly and Reno stood in the doorway looking surprised. "Whoa!" he blurted. Leon looked to him with a raised brow. "We're supposed to go see the Elder now. The other… guy or whoever came back for us," he said. Leon nodded and closed his computer before following the other Carrier downstairs where their guide was waiting patiently. It smiled again and bowed slightly.

"Hello again. Come with me," it said and headed for the entrance. Reno was taking his time on the stairs, timidly walking down sideways and trying not to slip and fall. Leon waited for him at the bottom of the steps, watching amusedly. The redhead's foot slipped on the last few steps and he stopped himself at the landing, his legs splayed wide in a rather painful version of the splits. Leon snorted and slapped a hand over his mouth to keep the laughter in. Reno's face twisted into a pitiful wince and he whined a bit in the back of his throat.

"Oh my balls," he squeaked quietly. He gave Leon a dramatic frown. "Don't laugh at me man, it's really hard for me."

"Do they not have stairs at your facility?" Leon asked, chuckling a bit.

"They do, but they're not as narrow as these. Augh…" Reno grunted, shakily pushing himself upright and adjusting himself with a scowl. The russet Carrier wandered off towards their guide and the redhead took a minute to get his bearings before teetering after him.

* * *

The Elder, much to Leon's surprise, lived under the enormous tree that towered over all the other buildings. His home was decorated like anyone else's on the inside with the exception of the roots making up part of the walls. It was probably bigger than most everyone else's, of course, but neither Carrier had anything to compare it with other than the inn so they couldn't be too sure. There was a large hole in the middle of the Elder's main living space covered by a rounded dome of glass. The dirt underneath couldn't be seen through the glass, in fact, it was completely black no matter which way Leon looked at it. It perplexed him, but he didn't pry. Their guide went further into the home to summon the Elder.

Both Carriers felt dwarfed by the creature that came into the main living area a few minutes later. While their guide was probably around seven feet tall, the Elder had to be pushing eight feet. Other than the substantial height contrast, the only discernable feature it had compared to everyone else they had seen was a large protrusion that hung down to its elbows that lay flat on its front. It reminded Leon of the vocal sac of a frog that had deflated and gotten too big to retract properly so it lay limp and wrinkly on its chest. It wasn't the most attractive thing he had ever seen but he didn't let it show on his face. Reno, on the other hand, blatantly stared at it, causing the russet Carrier to nudge him harshly to get him to stop being rude. The redhead decided to focus on the floor instead.

"Welcome Carriers," the Elder said, voice deep and rumbling, as it took a seat on a rounded bench across from them. The guide stood off to the side, waiting to be useful again.

"Thank you," Leon said, expecting Reno to do the same. When he stayed silent, the other gave him another nudge.

"Thanks," Reno blurted, fidgeting in his spot. The Elder chuckled and smiled.

"We've done this process several times before with your kind so we're fairly confident in letting you stay here. Mr. Xemnas has discussed your tentative plans with us and we feel they give you both ample resources and time to help you achieve your goals. Do you understand what you are to do?" it asked. Neither Carrier said anything for a few minutes.

"Is there more to it than 'find them and bring them home'?" Reno asked.

"I was referring to where you are to go at certain points in the future and how you use the paperwork Mr. Xemnas has given you," the Elder said.

"I know he has me going to Midgar, which I was going to avoid as much as possible," the redhead said.

"Which, if this were any other situation, I would encourage that thinking. But, from what I understand, your Charge will be going there eventually anyway, so you really just have to wait for him," it said.

"Oh. I didn't know that," Reno deadpanned, mood deflating. "His profile told me he was a bodyguard, I didn't think he'd be in the capitol though. I thought he'd just stay in Gongaga and protect whatever political figure was there."

"I don't know what his role will be once he gets to Midgar, but it's where he will be, that much I know," the Elder said. Reno nodded. "All your paperwork should help you establish yourself there as a resident until such time you can make contact."

"Okay," the redhead said quietly, shuffling his foot, eyes downcast.

"I haven't heard of anything about my Charge going anywhere _but_ Midgar, and I'm supposed to stay in Balamb. How is that productive?" Leon asked, some of his residual annoyance at Xemnas' flippancy radiating over his words.

"If I remember correctly, your Charge is nothing more than a soldier; in which case he will most likely be in the battlefield most of his later years until he is killed. Midgar automatically drafts all able bodied men over the age of sixteen so it is entirely plausible that your Charge will be with the military the entire time after that point. Mr. Xemnas' theory is that you meet him on the battlefield. You cannot join Midgar's military because of the methods they use to produce superior soldiers, you see. So the only alternative is if you join Balamb and take your chances that way," the Elder said. Leon gaped at him.

"I can't fight! I wasn't made for that!" he blurted in his shock. "How… th—no! Xemnas is insane. I can't fight this war for them. That's completely unreasonable," he rambled, glaring ahead of himself, not focusing on anything in particular.

"I agree," the Elder said, surprising the brunette even more. "I don't agree with Mr. Xemnas' methods but he made a good point when I brought up my distaste. He said, and I quote, 'well, 9x8b didn't _have_ to choose a Charge from this plane at all, but he did.' Not that it makes everything better, but he does have a very valid point. Do not fret though, we will help you prepare as much as we can before we ship you off to Balamb. There is much to learn as their methods differ greatly from Midgar's, but I am confident you will catch on quickly."

_I'm going to die_, Leon thought, staying quiet.

"Will I be drafted by Midgar?" Reno asked. The Elder shrugged.

"It's up to you to avoid that. I cannot say whether you will or won't. As far as I'm aware, your Charge won't be so perhaps if you follow the steps he takes to stay out of it, things will work in your favor as well."

"Okay," the redhead said with a small nod. Leon suddenly wanted to punch Reno in the face for being so fortunate, but he decided against it.

"What is this war about, anyway?" he asked instead.

"What is every war about?" the Elder asked. Reno looked contemplative for a moment.

"Religion?"

"There is some of that I suppose, yes, but I was referring to energy."

"Oh."

"Like fossil fuels?" Leon asked. The Elder shook his head, his wrinkly sac-like growth jiggling at them. Reno made a slight gagging noise in the back of his throat, though it was doubtful anyone but he and the brunette heard it. Leon shared his sentiments.

"Your world, as I've been told, has a center made of metals, rock and fire, yes?"

"In theory, yes," Leon said.

"Ours does not. The core of this world is much much larger than yours and is made of energy."

"Everything has energy," the brunette said confusedly.

"But this is different than what you're thinking about. The core, the Lifestream as we call it, is real, physical, tangible energy that embodies every living thing on this planet."

"That's impossible. You can't hold energy in your hand."

"Of course you can. You can drill down into the center of this planet and suck the energy up like water through a hollow reed. That's exactly what Midgar is doing."

"Is your core that huge that the people here can actually reach it?"

"Yes, though in our defense, our planet is much smaller than yours. We have a lot of similarities on the surface, but anything deeper than that and it's completely different," the Elder said.

"Okay, so… Midgar is part of this planet too, why can't they drill and use the energy? Why is that bad?" Leon asked, furrowing his brows together.

"Because there is a finite amount. Everything is cyclical. We draw energy from the earth in order to live, and when we die, we give it back. Balamb is the embodiment of using that method for everything they do. Even their military uses the planet's energy in that fashion. They draw it up, use it, and then give it back. But Midgar is different. Their energy doesn't return. They keep it locked up in their… power plants and machines and recycle it through their infrastructure instead of returning it back to the planet. They are very powerful because of it, but it's killing everything around them. In retaliation, the Lifestream is trying to pull away from their lands, so Midgar started taking over more territories to keep themselves afloat, and that's how it all started."

"The Lifestream… reacted to them?" Reno asked confusedly. The Elder nodded.

"That is what my people believe. A lot of Balamb's people agree with us in that respect so I suppose that's where the religious aspect comes into the war. Regardless of whether you agree with us or not is irrelevant but it is what's happening. Midgar is sucking the planet dry and Balamb has been trying for many years to stop them."

"But Balamb is losing?" the redhead persisted.

"Yes, because the more energy Midgar pulls from the Lifestream, the less power they have in order to keep fighting. They persist because they're trying to give as much time as possible to their people even though they know it's a fruitless endeavor. On the other hand, the more people that die in battle, the more energy that is released and is drawn back into the planet. So in essence, the war is what is stalling the end, but it's also what's causing it. My people gave Mr. Xemnas the timeline of fifty more years before he should stop sending your kind here. We don't see Balamb surviving much past that point and anyone left here from your world will most assuredly perish along with us."

"Once the Lifestream is gone, will the planet just… implode?" Leon asked.

"We are not sure. But what we know will happen is that all of our plant life will die and there will be no more food for us or the animals, or fresh air to breathe. We will either suffocate, or starve. Whichever comes first," the Elder said, completely calm and straight faced. Reno and Leon stared at him.

_How can you be so at ease?_ Leon thought.

"What will stop the war?" Reno asked.

"Midgar would have to stop advancing, and adopt Balamb's way of doing things so that the cycle continues and is everlasting. Before they discovered that they could drill into the earth and pull up the Lifestream, the two nations were essentially the same in that respect."

"You have a sun, correct?" Leon asked abruptly. The Elder thought for a moment.

"The star in the sky that makes light for us during the day? Yes. We have one of those."

"Has no one ever heard of solar energy?" the Carrier pressed.

"Solar?" the Elder asked confusedly. The guide bent to the side and spoke quietly into the other Shumi's ear for a few moments. The Elder's face suddenly conveyed that of a grand realization before he nodded several times. "Yes, yes, the sun's energy. We have knowledge of it. Balamb does, and they use it during the day to power their homes so they put less strain on the planet. They only started doing that within the last decade if I recall correctly."

"Why not send a message to Midgar and tell them that resource is available too? Maybe they'd stop?" Leon asked.

"The technology is new to us. Their methods now are actually more cost effective than it would be to destroy all their power plants and restart. I wouldn't doubt that Balamb has tried to tell them that there are alternatives. Wind energy is another one, but they won't listen. Their lifestyles are relatively carefree as I understand it, and the amount of work needed to fix everything would inconvenience them greatly. It's selfish, to say the least, but it's the truth."

"That's just lazy," Reno scoffed.

"It is, yes," the Elder agreed.

_Why fix what isn't broken?_ Leon asked himself.

"At any rate, that is the story. I do not suspect your involvement in the war will matter much to the eventual outcome," it said, looking to the brunette.

"I know."

"I wouldn't worry too much. As I said, we will prepare you as much as possible. If you're lucky, and work hard enough, you could show up in Balamb with enough talent to convince them to keep you out of the fighting to a certain extent. Perhaps some sort of intelligence operation rather than combat. That could be something to work for. Then again, I could just be old and foolish. My people are peaceful, and though our support lies with Balamb, we do not pretend to give them any actual assistance. For all we know, Balamb is just as terrible as Midgar even if they're helping the planet. That's really our only concern, the Lifestream and its integrity."

"Which is the good way to be in my opinion," Reno said. The Elder smiled.

"I'm glad you agree. Now, as far as your stay here in the village with us goes, we will assist you both in your efforts as much as we can, as I said, but we are not your servants otherwise. We will teach you our ways, but after that point, you're on your own. It has been the agreement with everyone of your kind that has come through here and they all adapted accordingly. Don't stay up all night toiling away, we will start in the morning."

* * *

Leon spent the majority of the next two hours trying to figure out what he was supposed to be doing with the tiny metal bugs he had found in his storage chest. Yes, they were cameras but he had no idea how to make them get to where Cloud's parents were. It wasn't like they could just melt through the rock ceiling outside. He was stumped, and sat at his desk staring boredly at the map on his computer screen, while pushing the little latch to the hole in his wall around with his finger. He felt another cool breeze come through the opening and he decided to try something. He hooked one of the camera bugs up to his computer, and told it to '_live broadcast.'_ He unhooked it again and set it on his desk and it stood still, showing him a picture of his wall as it broadcasted what it could see. The interface on his keyboard changed to a series of buttons and controls and he found he could drive the tiny thing around like a remote control car.

He shoved the bug into the hole in the wall and made it start climbing up and up and up. There was an option to increase the speed and he nudged the percentage higher and higher the longer it was taking the bug to find anything of worth. It eventually got to the point where the device was going so incredibly fast that Leon couldn't see the details of the tube anymore as it zoomed past everything, heading towards a light at the end of the tunnel. It broke the surface and popped out the other side, only to be bombarded by a sea of white. Snow whipped past its tiny lenses, skewing everything it could see. But, the computer continued to work as a tiny progress bar appeared on the screen and started to fill. Leon decided to wait and see what was happening.

_Subject detected. Broadcast data?_

"Yeah, okay," Leon said to no one in particular and pushed the 'yes' button. The bug immediately took flight and started zooming through the snow to find its target. A countdown appeared where the progress bar used to be. The seconds started ticking away quickly.

_Estimated time of arrival: 4:38:04 hours_

Leon vaguely wondered how fast the bug was traveling. He couldn't see much on the screen, just blurs of varying colors whizzing by, so he assumed it was rather fast. He had no idea where Cloud's parents were in the world, but so long as the bug did, he didn't care. He just hoped that Xemnas' records were complete enough to where he wouldn't end up watching some random people that had nothing to do with his Charge. He watched the seconds pass and realized it was _really_ boring and debated on taking a nap. Then he remembered he had nothing to set an alarm with so he might actually miss something worthwhile. So he decided he was hungry and left his room to scour the tiny kitchen area to see what he could see.

"This salad is like… the best thing I have ever tasted, oh my god," Reno blurted from his spot at their little dining table. He stuffed another forkful of foliage into his mouth and Leon scowled as it was clear that far too much food had been jammed in there already.

"Wonderful," he muttered, going to the refrigerator.

"Ith like…" the redhead trailed with his mouth full, kicking his feet a bit as he thought about what he was going to say. He swallowed before speaking again. "It's like a really satisfying orgasm after not masturbating for like… three weeks," he said, pursing his lips thoughtfully. He nodded, confirming with himself that yes, his description of the leafy greens was accurate.

"…That was way more information than I needed to hear, thanks," the brunette said, furrowing his brows together. He pulled the refrigerator open and found that there was only one plate sitting on the shelf. Cubes of orangey-pink… something sat there staring at him. He had no idea what it was but since Reno obviously had his food, he assumed that the plate was his and he took it. Begrudgingly, he sat at the table across from his companion.

"Oh come on, you can't sit there and tell me you've never had a satisfying wank before. I was just trying to give you an idea of how awesome this salad is," Reno said.

"You could've just said 'this salad is really good' and I would've gotten the idea. Masturbation really wasn't what I was expecting to talk about during mealtime so forgive me if I'm not as forthcoming. I prefer to keep that to myself," Leon said, picking up a cube and squishing it between his fingers. Reno waved a dismissive hand at him and rolled his eyes.

"You're _way_ too serious."

"Why? Because I won't share my private moments with you?"

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You get all defensive and snippy right away when I didn't even keep after you to tell me. You need to relax, my friend. You don't have to tell me anything, I was just trying to crack a joke and get the conversation going. No need to bite my head off about it," the redhead grumbled, poking at his greens with his fork sullenly.

"Did it ever occur to you that you might've stepped over a line somewhere in the first few milliseconds of this 'conversation?' Or should I start expecting you to start every meal off like this?" Leon grumped, shoving a cube in his mouth. He discovered that it was fish, and that he liked it. It was much fresher than anything he had tasted before and wondered if the fish back home would taste just as good or if was just that plane's fish.

"Fine. I'm sorry," Reno huffed. Several tense minutes of silence passed. "So… did you figure out what we're supposed to do with our computers?"

"Yes," Leon deadpanned and continued eating. Reno stared at him, expecting an elaboration but got nothing as the brunette blatantly ignored him.

"Can you give me a clue?" he persisted, the annoyance slowly creeping into his tone.

"Have you found your cameras yet?"

"Cameras?"

"In the chest at the end of your bed there should be a bunch of little cameras. Plug one into the computer and type in your model number. Then shove it through the hole in the wall and wait," Leon explained, assuming their bedrooms were in fact, identical.

"Oh is that what that hole is? I thought it was some sort of weird mail chute or something."

_I'm sort of surprised you didn't tell me you tried to stick your penis in it_, Leon thought, staying quiet otherwise. For as well informed as Reno may have been at their first meeting, the brunette's opinion of him was quickly losing substance. He couldn't decide if the redhead was just stupid or simply oblivious of social faux pas.

"I'll have to try it out. I wonder what Rude's parents are like…" Reno trailed thoughtfully.

"Rude is your Charge?"

"Yeah."

_The fuck is with the names in this place? God damn_, the brunette said to himself.

"What's your Charge's name?" Reno asked.

"Cloud."

"Nice!" the redhead barked before bursting into laughter. Leon didn't give him the satisfaction of joining in and Reno quickly sobered and hunched in his seat. "Sorry," he muttered quietly.

"I've already had my laughs at his expense."

"And I thought Rude had a bad one," the redhead twittered, perking up. "But you're supposed to join Balamb's military to go find him, yeah? Aren't you scared?" he asked. Leon shrugged.

"I don't know how well the Shumi will help me prepare, so I can't say for certain how I'll feel before I have to leave. Right now, it's not worth worrying about. I don't like it, but I can't change it. Everything the Elder said was true though, I didn't _have_ to come here in the first place. And Xemnas, though I hate to admit it, probably came up with the best way to meet up with my Charge. How else am I supposed to meet up with a soldier when I shouldn't make contact with him until he's seventeen? If the draft starts at sixteen, well, then my chances are slim that I would be able to get his attention otherwise."

"The battlefield isn't exactly the most ideal place for a romantic date, you know?"

"And I'm not going to concern myself with romance before I get him to cross over with me."

"…Well how else are you going to get him to go with you? You have to make _some_ kind of connection. Fucking him is probably the quickest way to do that if you think about it."

"Is that your plan with Rude?" Leon asked, looking up from his plate with a raised skeptical brow. Reno looked contemplative for a moment, chewing on a leaf slowly. He shrugged and nodded some.

"Something like that, yeah. Maybe not so much just… fucking him, but the romance part is really what I was after. I don't have much of a plan otherwise. I could probably impress him with how much stronger than him I probably am but then what do I have to bargain with? 'Follow me if you love me' is way more of a valid reason versus 'follow me if you want uh… big cow muscles like mine?'" Reno said, making a disgruntled face. Leon shrugged.

"It depends on how vain he is, and if he's dumb enough to believe you. Though, I can agree with your argument. I just don't want to hedge my bets around the idea of romance when that is probably the most finicky way to get someone to follow you. You can never know what they're truly thinking so you can't ever be one hundred percent sure of the outcome. Then, if they completely reject you, not only did you fail, but your pride gets a massive kick in the balls and that's just an all around lose/lose for me. I'd rather rely on more solid methods."

"Like what? Tie him to the portal and force him through?"

"Possibly."

"…You're kidding."

"Yes I am," Leon said dryly, giving Reno a completely straight face. The redhead let out a nervous laugh with a lopsided grin.

"You can't say shit like that with such a serious face. I'm way too gullible for that," he said. The brunette gave him a curt smile.

"Sounds like a personal problem."

"I know, right? This one time, my cousin Drake gave me this tiny orange pepper and was all like 'dude, you have to try these things, you'll love them.' Keep in mind I'm like, two weeks old and have no fucking clue what a pepper is and so I was all like 'dur, okay!' and ate the damn thing. My mouth, my throat, and my ass were on fire for a _week_. Drake thought it was funny. It took me a while to think it was funny too but I didn't talk to him for a while after that," Reno said. Leon stared at him for a few quiet seconds.

"Did you seriously just tell me that?" he asked.

"Yeah…" the redhead trailed, tone sounding unsure.

"Why would you openly admit that?" Leon asked confusedly. Reno shrugged.

"I don't know. Funny stories are fun to share?"

"I'll take your word for it," the brunette sighed and continued eating.

"Do you not have anything fun to share?"

"I'm not very exciting."

"No shit," Reno snorted, garnering a glare from the other Carrier. "But everyone has something funny that's happened to them."

"Nothing jumps out at me," Leon said.

"Really?"

"Really."

"What, did you just not talk to anyone ever?"

"I talked plenty. Just, not much of it was for entertainment value. It was education mostly, and the one person I did talk to outside of that was a real depressing son of a bitch so I kept our conversations neutral. Again, not very exciting."

"Why was he depressing?"

"I met him the day his Charge died."

"Holy fuck."

"My sentiments exactly."

"And there was no one else to talk to?" Reno asked, scrunching his brows together.

"I don't have a family, so no, not really. I was busy studying most of the time anyway."

"Your life sounds about as dry as a piece of burnt toast in the desert. God damn," the redhead said with a deep sigh. The brunette shrugged again.

"I didn't notice. Like I said, I was studying."

"All the time?"

"All the time."

"Fuck, dude. So like… you've probably never actually had a satisfying wank before, have you?" Reno asked curiously, leaning over his plate and giving Leon a scrutinizing eye. The brunette sat back in his seat with a scowl. "I suddenly have the visual of you having to sign a stack of paperwork and negotiating with your testicles before you even get anywhere."

"I'd really rather not discuss my private life with you. I thought we had that understanding," the brunette growled.

"But now I'm genuinely interested in figuring out how boring your _really_ are. I've never met someone who didn't have a story to tell. That, to me, is fascinating."

"And what did you expect me to say? That I floundered around like a pissant twat for four years before I came here? That I might have some asinine story about how I fell for someone else's stupidity and got my ass handed to me because of it? Well, sorry. I don't have any of those stories because I actually take my work seriously and focused on what I needed to do to prepare as much as I could to get here. So fuck off. What you consider boring, I consider progress and worthwhile. Don't insult me by expecting so little of me," Leon barked, sending an acidic glare across the table. Reno blinked at him a few times.

"You're only four years old?" he asked, completely letting the rest of the brunette's tirade slide.

"Yes," the russet Carrier clipped.

"…Damn," Reno said, furrowing his brows together.

"Why does that matter?"

"It doesn't. I'm just a little surprised."

"Why?"

"Well… I'm twenty-six. I took my time and did everything at my own pace."

"I don't have the luxury of sitting on my laurels like you."

"Why? Was someone threatening you to get started?"

"No. I just couldn't sit around and wait."

"Because…?" Reno trailed, urging the brunette to continue. Leon simply stared at him and shrugged. "Just because?"

"Because I need a family, yes. Is that not the point of all this?"

"Well yeah, but you didn't have to start _that_ quickly."

"I wanted to. I don't need your approval to expect your respect," Leon grumbled and stood from his seat.

"I'm impressed you found the right Charge so soon though. It took me forever to find Rude, but when I did, I knew that he was the one I wanted. It was such a relief to feel that sense of being… complete, like I was making serious progress and moving forward. You're lucky you got to feel that so quickly," Reno said, smiling up at the brunette. Leon just stared at him blankly. The redhead's expression faded as the silence ballooned between them. "You picked Cloud because you felt he was right for you, yeah? That he was your other half?"

_I wasn't aware I was supposed to have immediate feelings for a picture on a computer screen, _Leon thought.

"…Well no wonder you don't have any desire for romance," Reno muttered to himself when the other didn't answer him. The brunette ignored his comment and how much it irked him and went to put his empty plate in the sink. He didn't say anything else as he bypassed Reno and headed for his bedroom.

He had a countdown to watch.

* * *

**Reno: **UR DOIN' IT RONG :C


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7

"‡†—‹‐ ¬…" trailed a voice Leon couldn't really understand. It was a woman, that much was certain, but in his hazy sleep deprived state, he couldn't force himself to establish where the voice was coming from or what he should do about it. He had fallen asleep at his desk and it took him several moments to realize that he did.

"ǂ‡¬ɨ—‹‹?" came a male's response. It was a deep, gravelly voice and sounded very much how Leon felt. Sleepy. He pried one of his eyes open and immediately regretted it as the light from his computer screen seared his corneas from his face and replaced them with barbed wire. He pulled a hand up and rubbed at his eye, concentrating on sitting upright. He was sore in just about every place imaginable, having spent the better part of five hours hunched over on his desk with his face resting on his arms. There were a few listless sighs and the sound of bedclothes rustling around coming from in front of him and he quickly remembered he was supposed to be paying attention.

When he opened his eyes properly he was very surprised to find an extreme close up of a very feminine and very naked backside standing from a bed and stretching before the rest of the body padded away out of the camera's sight. Leon was then able to see the bare back of a man a short distance away, who didn't seem as willing to get up from his spot amongst the pillows. There was a loud squeak from a door's hinges in the distance. The Carrier blearily blinked at the screen, trying to assess the surroundings while the activity was stopped. He inched the tiny camera around, trying not to be too obvious, just in case the man decided to roll over and squash it.

It was evident within barely a minute that Cloud's parents were far from wealthy. The darkness of the room wasn't helping matters, he was sure, but from what he could see, everything was very dingy and lacking much in the ways of luster. The walls had dirty peeling wallpaper, the carpeting was threadbare, the furnishings seemed well used, like that had been and passed around for many years, and the bed clothes weren't much better. There was electricity though, as far as Leon could see. There was a door not too far across the room where a stream of light was coming out from under it and the flush of a toilet told him they had plumbing. He looked around at his own bedroom and suddenly felt guilty.

The woman came back and scooted into the bed and sat next to the man and leaned over his shoulder, looking down at his face. The lack of proper lighting was making it hard to tell what color hair she had, but it was dark, that much he could see. The man's was much lighter. Their backs were to him so Leon couldn't see their faces very well either. The woman's hair went past her shoulders and created a curtain that brushed over the man's arm as she peered at him. She muttered quiet words Leon couldn't hear very well and rubbed the man's back, bending forward to kiss his shoulder gently.

"ɤ†—ɻ‹…" the man grumbled. The woman giggled a bit and continued pecking his shoulder.

_I should probably be paying attention to whatever they're saying_, Leon thought. His groggy brain really wasn't cooperating with him though.

"‹⌐⌐ǂ‐?" she asked, causing the man to turn a bit and look over his shoulder in order to see her. They stared at one another for several silent minutes.

"˸—‹!" the man growled playfully and rolled back just enough to hook his arm around the woman's waist and yank her over his side and down onto the mattress in front of him. She squealed and flailed about before she could get her bearings again. She settled and snaked her arms around his chest and hugged him. Leon really had to force himself to get past the fact that Cloud's mother had unknowingly flashed just about every bit of herself at him. He wasn't expecting so much exposure so quickly and couldn't even focus on her face when it happened. The woman was practically his eventual mother-in-law, and he really didn't feel he needed to see her like that.

Every second of mild shock he felt was suddenly obliterated with a whole new mentality of '_oh __**fuck **__no_' when he could hear the wet parting of lips as the two on his screen started kissing. They didn't even give him a chance to turn the camera away before the man rolled on top of her and her legs automatically kicked the blanket off him so she could wrap the limbs around his waist.

"Oh my god…" Leon groaned to himself, holding his face in his hands as Cloud's parents immediately began having sex in front of him without any sort of foreplay or anything to warn him to just _not_ pay attention. He couldn't even bring himself to try and find the button that would make the camera bug stop the broadcast because that would mean looking at the computer. Keeping his eyes closed, he reached forward blindly for the top lid of the machine and closed it, hoping the bug would get the idea to stop. But no, the sounds of Cloud's mother moaning away echoed out of the device despite his best efforts.

He plugged his ears with his fingers and hummed to himself while he waited a good twenty minutes for it all to end. When he let himself listen again, all was quiet. He inched the computer open again and took a peek. The woman had somehow wrangled herself on top of the man and was using his chest as a pillow. Again, her face was turned away from the camera, but her hair was pulled over her shoulder in front of her so the man could run his fingers through the ends of it gently. The blanket had been pulled up over them, much to Leon's relief, and was tucked under the woman's arm. She reached forward and stopped the man's hand from moving through her hair and intertwined their fingers together, pulling them both towards herself to hug to her chest. The man's free hand rubbed her back instead.

Several questions popped into the Carrier's head the longer the quiet moment dragged on. How old were these people? And how is it that the man isn't in the military? There were several answers, some of which Leon preferred over the alternatives. They could've both been extremely young despite their adult appearances, the man had a more important job doing something else other than fighting, they were in hiding, or there was something wrong with him that the military didn't want him. He started to pick off the possibilities. They both sounded too mature to be so young. If Cloud was uneducated the likelihood that the man had any sort of significant job was very improbable. Their squalor living space, so far, suggested that they could've been in hiding and living off what they had. All of those possibilities didn't bother Leon as much as the idea that there might be something wrong with Cloud's father.

The man shifted the woman around and leaned forward enough to kiss the top of her head and mutter something into her hair. She scooted off of him and he sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. He reached over the side and reached around for something before pulling up a cane or a sort of walking stick and used it to help himself stand. Leon scowled as the man teetered in his place a bit and turned to head around the bed. There was a large brown smear of something starting from the man's hip and trailed down his leg all the way past his knee. As far as the Carrier could tell it was just the one leg, but it forced the man to walk with a severe limp regardless. Curious, Leon drove the little camera bug to follow him into the bathroom.

Witnessing another man urinate wasn't exactly the Carrier's idea of a party but at the very least he could relate to the experience. Plus, he wasn't really there for the show as much as he was trying to figure out what was wrong with the man. The smear on his leg was actually a spattering of speckles in tight clusters that dotted his skin in varying shades of brown and green. The stippling was darker at the top and faded as it trailed down the limb. In the light of the tiny washroom, Leon discovered an extra detail that made his heart sink into the pit of his stomach in realization. The man's leg hair was white. The Carrier tilted the camera up to look at the back of his head and confirmed that it was a complete body hair bleaching which he doubted was natural.

Before he could jump to conclusions, the Carrier stopped himself. He had no idea what geostigma looked like and for all he knew the man he was watching could die in two months and the woman could move onto someone else. Maybe the next man was Cloud's father. He really only had to keep an eye on the woman since it was hard to have two mothers and have a parental debate about which vagina the baby came out of, whereas sperm could come from anywhere. Leon forced the little camera bug under the door to leave the man to his business and went back to the side table next to the bed where he had started. He went underneath it this time with the intention of leaving it there for the night.

There was something there waiting for him when he ducked behind the table leg though. It was an actual insect that looked exactly like his camera. At first glance he thought he had found another Carrier's camera but as the insect twitched around and used it's mandibles to lick its front legs to run them over its antenna it was clearly not. Then there was another one. And another one. Leon's gut twisted as he realized the house was literally _infested_ with the vermin and why his camera wasn't going to be worried about if it was seen.

_I need to sleep_, he told himself before he could start off on a mental tangent on the possible diseases the insects could be carrying and how disgusting the concept really was. He put the camera bug on standby and told the computer to hibernate before closing it and going to his bed. It was just about the most comfortable piece of furniture he had ever put his face on. He was asleep in minutes, his dreams sure to be plagued with visions of his practical in-laws having sex in a bed of diseased insects.

So cozy.

* * *

A gentle hand was running through Leon's hair, pulling the brunette out of his nearly dead sleeping state. It took him a few minutes to realize that some foreign person was in the room with him and he was torn between wanting to punch whoever it was and letting them continue. He met himself in the middle and peeled an eye open to see who it was and all he could see was a pair of deep blue eyes flanked by red crescents. Reno cracked a wide grin and patted the brunette's head a few times.

"The _fuck_ are you doing in my room?" Leon growled, the urge to beat the other into a bloody pulp just a hair away from becoming a reality.

"Being a creeper," Reno said happily and stood. "We're supposed to get up and start learning, remember?"

"So that gives you permission to come in here and… pet me?"

"Yeah basically."

"Right. So when I decide that I want to turn your hide into a nice pair of shoes, what insignificant excuse should I give you?"

"…You're terrible," the redhead said, scowling deeply.

"Get out of my room."

"Get up. We need to go."

"I _am_ up. Go away."

"Are you going to come out and do what we're supposed to or go back to sleep after I leave?"

"Get out!" Leon barked, sitting up and sending the other a nasty glare. Reno scoffed at him and stuck his middle finger in the air before leaving in a huff. The brunette sat in his bed grumpily for several minutes, letting his annoyance an anger swirl around before letting it go. Regardless of how annoying the intrusion had been, Reno was right. He needed to get up anyway. He shuffled out of bed and went to his closet and rifled through the flowing fabrics to try and find something he could wear that he wouldn't drown in. He couldn't find anything, so he settled for a pair of whispy pants and whatever t-shirt he could pull out that seemed to match. He contemplated shoes, and then decided against them. When he left his bedroom, he registered that Reno had picked essentially the same outfit but in a different color.

"I wonder if there's someone in town that can take these up a few inches," Reno trailed, mostly to himself, as he wiggled one of his legs, letting the excess fabric fall over his foot. Leon silently agreed with him.

"Do we not get to eat or bathe?" the brunette asked grumpily. The redhead shrugged.

"Maybe if you got up earlier you would've had time for a shower, but no, no breakfast as far as I can tell."

"How was I supposed to know when we were supposed to be up?"

"I had no idea, honestly, I just set an alarm for early o'clock. I've been up for like… three hours."

"Where is there an alarm?"

"…On our computers?"

"Oh," Leon deadpanned, feeling a bit foolish but not letting on that he did.

"Anyway. That guy is back again," Reno said and held his pants up as he made his way to the staircase. Leon followed after him. The redhead was taking his good old time trying not to fall down the stairs. The brunette's patience ran out about halfway down and simply hopped the six feet off the side of the staircase to the floor below. The landing hurt his feet a bit, and he made a mental note not to make it a habit, but at least it saved him another twenty minutes of pussyfooting around. Their guide was waiting, as expected, and smiled at them both as they approached.

"Reno, you will be accompanying Ulma to the fields and Squall, you will be going with Urae to the stream," the guide said before turning to leave. There were two more Shumi waiting outside for them. One was taller than the other, and the shorter of the two was a little pudgy. The guide led Reno over to the taller one and they shared a few words before leaving together. Leon approached the pudgy one, who he assumed was Urae, and gave it a small smile. "I wish you luck," the guide said before leaving quietly.

"So uh… hi," Leon said. Urae smiled.

"Hello, we're going fishing today," it said. Its voice was lighter and more airy than the guide's but it still confused the Carrier to no end when he tried to decipher a gender.

"Okay…" the brunette trailed, a bit unsure. Urae chuckled in the same gurgly-hissing way everyone else seemed to.

"We do not have any livestock or sources of red meat here; there simply isn't enough room, so your alternative for a constant food source is fish. There are some birds to be had in the marketplace but the free meals are in the stream. There are several different kinds we catch here so there is some variety, but I'm sure it's not as thrilling as red meat, so for that I apologize."

"Oh. No, it's fine. I like fish," Leon said.

"That is good. There are a few good places to go, but the widest variety can be found by the deltas, so that's where we're headed today. After your lesson for the day, you will be on your own as far as food his concerned," Urae said. It looked the Carrier over. "Perhaps after we're finished I'll take you to the sewing plaza and we can get some proper measurements for you."

"I'd appreciate that, thank you."

* * *

The delta was essentially a pool at the end of one of the many streams that had seawater trickling in through the rock walls surrounding it. The entire area looked like a blue-gray amphitheater of stone overhang with patches of moss and flowering lichens dotting the walls. It was dim and smelled salty, but Leon didn't really mind. The shore was shallow, but there was a small wooden dock for people to sit on as well as a small hut that housed fishing equipment for anyone to use. The Carrier was surprised no one seemed to care about security in the village and had mixed feelings about it. He still wished his bedroom door would lock.

"There are several tunnels under the rock that the fish come in and out of from the sea and several more travel downstream from the freshwater pools as well, so those would be the best places to cast your line," Urae said as it dug out a short fishing rod and handed it off to the brunette. Leon held the thing confusedly. It was little more than a flexible reed with a line of twine hanging off the end and a hook. He didn't expect much, but at the very least he had expected a reel. Then again, as he looked around, anywhere that had the highest probability of a successful catch was within throwing distance. The twine was weighted with a lure already, but Urae didn't offer any bait. It took a bucket from the hut and went to sit on the dock, tossing the line a fair distance in near the back wall. Leon followed the Shumi's lead and tossed his own line in not too far away.

"Is this all I need to do today?" the Carrier asked quietly after several moments of silence.

"Just about, yes. Once night falls, we will attend the evening ceremony and then you're free to do as you wish."

"Evening ceremony?"

"Yes. Every evening, the entire village meets in the cathedral to give thanks to the Lifestream for providing us with life and everything we need to live comfortable lives."

"…Oh," Leon said, a bit unsure of the idea.

"It is required if you are to stay here. It would be disrespectful to not attend," Urae said, giving the brunette a meaningful look. The Carrier nodded.

"Alright," he agreed, seeing how little of a choice he had.

"That is really the only thing we do not give you choice about. Everything else you can do without if you feel the need. Though, it would be rather difficult to function without any food so I would suggest not foregoing fishing."

"Right. You said there are birds in the market but fishing is free? What sort of currency would I need if I wanted to try something in the market?"

"We accept Gil, which everyone in the world takes, but the different mint marks change the value from region to region. What costs one hundred Gil in Balamb, can cost thirty Gil in Midgar, but you may need more Gil with Balamb's insignia in order to equate to thirty Gil in Midgar. Since you don't actually have any money, we also use the barter system which is more prevalent in the village. We usually use Balamb's Gil for minor trading with merchants if we need something specific, but it's hardly a necessity to get what you want. Oftentimes someone will ask you to do some work for them in exchange for whatever it is. Mostly errands and simple things. But, in order to do that you would need to be relatively familiar with the village itself so you don't take hours to do a simple task and waste your time."

"I see," Leon said.

"Going to the evening ceremonies is a good way to meet the people. It's very social."

"I'll keep it in mind."

A pregnant silence hung between them. The Carrier, if nothing else, was extremely bored. Fishing was quickly becoming a chore if only by the sheer effort it took to stay awake. Urae didn't feel the need to remain alert as a faint snort followed by some light hissing brought Leon's attention to it. The Shumi had fallen asleep sitting up, fishing pole in hand, and a droop to its features. He sighed, his patience wearing thin. He set his pole aside and went back to the supply hut to root around and see what he could see. Aside from some excess twine and flexible rods, and a couple buckets, there was little else there. He took a bucket and walked along the stream bed, looking in the crystal clear water for anything edible.

The water was shallow, hardly up to his thighs. That, combined with his limited patience sparked a bit of ingenuity on his part. The stream was filled with a lot of tiny fish, versus anything big enough to serve as one meal and he was really curious to see how much substance they had. If a bunch of crunchy easy to catch fish were all he could get in the shortest amount of time, then he'd settle for that and leave the extensive rod fishing to when he needed a nap. The hardest part of scooping up a bunch of fish in a bucket was keeping his pants dry. The excess fabric really didn't help him at all but he managed to get a few tiny guppies in the bucket with only the bottom hems of his pant legs getting wet.

He sat in the grass and gently used his hands to block the fish from flopping free as he drained most of excess water out of the pail. He was then able to scoop one up in his hand. It wasn't much bigger than his palm and wasn't pointy or obnoxiously colored to make him think it was poisonous. But as he held it and let it die, he was a bit surprised when its gaping mouth burped up a shiny green… thing. The thing started to float away from him and he reached out a finger and poked it. It stuck to his fingertip and he was able to smear it around with his thumb a bit. It was warm and tingly. It had a faint glow to it, as if he had smashed a lightning bug in his hand, but it didn't have a specific texture. It confused him. He dropped his dead fish back in the bucket and took it back to the dock where Urae was still snoozing.

"Hey…" he said, nudging the Shumi on the shoulder gently. Urae snorted a bit before looking at him sleepily.

"Hmm? My apologies, fishing is too relaxing for me," it said with a light chuckle. Leon stuck his hand out.

"What is this?" he asked. The Shumi looked the substance over briefly.

"That's the Lifestream," it said simply. The Carrier furrowed his brows together. Urae leaned over and blew a quick breath of air over Leon's fingers and the substance simply drifted off and pulled itself together again into the neat little ball it had started as. It floated off towards the rock wall gently. Once it made contact, it oozed into the stone slowly until it was completely gone.

_That's impossible_, Leon thought to himself, glaring at the wall where the spot had disappeared.

"Where did you find it?" the Shumi asked.

"Uh," the Carrier blurted, sticking his hand in his bucket and retrieving the dead fish and holding it out.

"Ah, yes," Urae said with a sage nod. "The Lifestream embodies every living thing in this world. While we live, we're borrowing the energy from the earth. The fish died, so it gave its energy back to the Lifestream. It's as simple as that," it explained.

"There are so many theories from my plane that would explain how impossible that all is."

"And yet it happened. Is seeing not believing?"

"I'm… just having a hard time pushing all of my studies aside just so I can try and believe something I've never seen before," Leon said as he folded his legs under himself, setting the fish in front of himself and watching it closely as if he expected something amazing to happen.

"Is it really so difficult to accept that another existence may work differently than your own? Your kind travel all over the different planes, probably finding places stranger than this one, and you still question the validity of how their lives work?"

"But it doesn't make sense to me," Leon defended.

"And it probably won't until you see more of it. We don't know what the Lifestream is in an analytical sense, but we know it exists and we know it's necessary for life. It is precious and worth dying for in order to protect it. My people take it very seriously. I'm sorry if it confuses you, but it would be beneficial to try and understand our perspective."

"Possibly…" the brunette trailed, pushing the fish's fin around with his finger. "If every living thing needs the Lifestream, why don't the plants we walk on explode in a bunch of… energy fuzz or whatever that thing was?"

"Wisps are what we call those things; the embodiment of the Lifestream that we can feel and touch. The plants do not have access points for them to escape from like the animals and we do. They return their energy right back into the earth through their roots."

"Oh," Leon deadpanned. The more he thought about it, the less sense it made, and the greater his burgeoning headache became. He pushed the concept aside, hedging his bets that he'd understand later down the line, and picked up his fish. "Can I eat this? I didn't get to have breakfast."

"I would suggest trying to remove the innards first. The whole thing is edible but it may taste better if those were gone. The bones are soft as well and should be digestible. There may be a small blade in the storage hut if you need one."

"Alright," Leon said and went to fix his meal.

* * *

Urae was clearly better at fishing. It caught several larger fish in only a couple hours while its Carrier companion failed to get anything after his initial tiny guppies. Leon helped the Shumi clean and debone the fish, earning himself a couple fillets to take home with him though. At least it wasn't a total loss. He went back to the inn and set them in the refrigerator and dragged himself into the bathroom to shower. Urae said he still had a few hours before the evening ceremony and he had the intention of spending every second scalding his tired muscles off his skeleton.

Of course, after forty-five minutes he was feeling a bit water logged so he flopped into his bedroom and buried his face in his pillows. He contemplated trying to see if Cloud's parents were doing anything interesting other than having sex. He turned his face to the side just enough to stare at the thin computer across his room. He thought about a nap, but the longer he lay there the more curious he became. He eventually just tucked himself under the covers with the computer on his lap. It took a few minutes for the bug to pick up the signal again and when it did, Leon could see it was right where he had left it, but the people were nowhere in sight.

He made a conscious effort to remember the other language he was taught as he made the camera bug scoot out of the bedroom from under the door. The only other room that made the house was a larger common area with a small kitchen and a sitting area where there was a television, coffee table, and a sofa. The walls had more peeling wallpaper but behind that, Leon could see that they were made of countless different types of materials, all of which had been tacked together. The house may have had running water and electricity, but it was a shack at best. The guilt of having more than his Charge's parents did picked at him the more he saw.

The woman was in the kitchen, at a counter, making something to eat, or so Leon assumed. The man, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the sofa, looking rather uncomfortable. His infected leg was propped up and his cane was nearby, but the Carrier ignored all those tiny details and was fixated on his eyes. They had a distinct sheen to them, a slight glow, as Zack had described. Leon's attention was pulled away from him when the woman came and sat on the floor in front of the couch and held up a plate of food to him. Leon quickly made the camera bug crawl up the back of the seat and peek over the edge so he could see better.

"You need to eat something," the woman said quietly, giving the man worried eyes. Even though the only light in the room was coming from the tiny television, the Carrier could see she was incredibly beautiful. Her features were delicate, thin, almost on the edge of being unhealthy but her bright eyes betrayed all of that. Her hair was lustrous and fell around her cheekbones in well kept layers. Her eyebrows were thin and shaped nicely, and her lips were small, but not insignificant. The man wasn't exactly ugly either, but was plain in Leon's eyes compared to the woman. He looked like any other generic person he had come across in his short life, and aside from the startling white hair and glowing sea foam eyes, nothing was of notable importance.

"Stop nagging me," he growled at her. His other leg was hanging off the edge of the sofa with the foot flat on the floor. The limb bounced impatiently with pent up energy. She watched him carefully, the plate of food still held up for him to take.

"But you haven't had anything for two days…" she trailed sadly. From his vantage point, Leon could see the man's eyes glint and his pupils shift and dilate. They fluctuated between sizes rapidly before they tried to squeeze themselves into slits. A tremor wracked through him, his thigh twitching and buckling. He yelped in pain and grabbed the limb, clenched his teeth and waited for it to pass. The woman put her free hand on his arm, giving him a look of concern. Before she could react, he lashed out and backhanded her across the face. The plate went tumbling into to carpeting and she cried out, bringing her hands up to her cheek.

_What the hell happened to all the love from this morning?_ Leon asked himself. The woman's eyes started watering and her posture sagged. She shakily made herself focus on the plate and began picking up the pieces of food. The man stayed sitting, eyes squeezed shut, holding his thigh, and gritting his teeth. His brow had broken out in a film of sweat. He let out a pained groan from the back of his throat and lay back against the cushions again. The woman quietly took the plate into the kitchen again. She came back with a rag and wiped at the dilapidated carpeting, the tears rolling free and dripping off her nose. Once she was finished cleaning she left the man by himself and went into the bedroom. Leon followed her.

She sat quietly on the bed and picked at the linens, wiping her eyes and sniffling. The Carrier watched for several minutes, wishing he could do something and tell her it was okay, that she had someone who knew what was happening to her and thought it was wrong. She was alone for over a half an hour before the man plodded into the room, wobbling on his good leg and leaning heavily on his cane. She didn't look at him, and kept her eyes on the bedding. He sat in front of her, silent. The air hung between them so heavily that even Leon could feel it. The woman wiped her face dry and sniffled once again, taking a deep breath. The man's eyes were less vibrant, but they still hadn't settled completely.

"I'm pregnant," she said, just barely above a whisper. The Carrier blinked a few times, raising a brow.

_So soon?_ He asked himself confusedly. Not that he had a problem with the idea of Cloud being born early, it just surprised him.

The man's breathing stilled as the silence grew deafening. He seemed to think for several minutes, the woman's color draining from her face the longer his pause lasted. New tears dripped from her eyes as her expression drooped to one of pure _misery_. Leon desperately wanted to punch the man for not saying anything. He didn't have to though, as the man scooted closer to the woman and gently pulled her closer to him. She loosely hugged him around his chest and rested her face in his shoulder. He held her, a hand reaching up to pet her hair.

"You're sure?" he asked. She nodded slowly.

"My cycle wasn't coming and I took a test…" she mumbled into his shoulder. The man swallowed thickly and pulled her into his lap so he could wrap his arms around her tightly. Leon was confused by his sudden change in demeanor.

"Let's hope for a son," the man said quietly, and the woman nodded.

"I'm scared," she said, burying her face in the side of his neck.

"Maybe…" he said, pulling her up to sit properly so he could see her face. "Maybe you could have it here and they wouldn't have to know?"

"That's dangerous…" she whispered, her brows knitting together worriedly.

_What?_ The Carrier asked himself, completely lost.

"I know, but we can't risk them finding out. Just in case it is a girl, you know."

"What would we do with it afterward, though? It's sort of hard to hide a child like that."

"We'll figure it out. Maybe by the time it's born, we'll be able to leave."

"Where would we go?"

"…Balamb?"

"I'd rather kill myself," the woman blurted, her fear and misery switching to an immediate disgust.

"Well if we stay here, we run the risk of them finding out and taking it from us. I'd rather run to Balamb than put you at that risk. Even if we do have a son, it doesn't matter. We still won't be able to keep him."

"I know… but that place is so disgusting," she said. The man reached up and run his finger through her hair, his eyes dimming away until they were no longer shining. There was a slight bruise forming on the woman's cheek where she was struck and he ran a thumb over it.

"Did I do it again?" he asked, dismissing the other conversation entirely, and tossing the Carrier into a new realm of confusion.

"Yes," she said quietly, looking off to the side. The man's expression drooped and he closed his eyes, pulling her to his chest again and hugging her tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in his hair. She sniffled as tears dripped down her face again.

"It's okay. I was just waiting for you to come back so I could tell you."

_No way in hell is any of this okay,_ Leon thought angrily, furrowing his brows together and glaring at his screen.

"Did you want some? Will that help you feel better?" he asked. She shrugged.

_Some of what? _Leon asked.

"Maybe later. I just… want to stay like this for a bit."

"Okay," he agreed and laid a firm kiss in her hair. "I'll try not to leave you again."

"You say that every time," she said.

"I always come back though, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So it's just a step away from not doing it in the first place. I'll get better."

"Okay…" she trailed quietly, though Leon didn't think she sounded very confident.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Holy frijoles! I'm sorry this took so long.

I hope everyone had a good holiday though. Mine was busy, as you can tell. Work and family and all that.

* * *

Chapter 8

The evening ceremony wasn't what Leon was expecting. His camera bug's battery was running out so he sent another one out and it wouldn't arrive at Cloud's parent's home for several hours yet. He wandered into the village, following the roof of the cathedral which towered over the rest of the huts. The building was enormous, arguably the biggest one in the village, and Leon was a little nervous about going inside. It was more like a giant gazebo, the inside of it open to the rest of the world, and it's 'walls' weren't much more than a series of pillars holding up a domed copper roof. The underside of the dome was breathtaking though, with pieces of colored glass faceted into elaborate bronze scrollwork depicting abstract scenes of stories the Carrier couldn't even hope to understand by himself.

"Le—Squall!" Reno called when the brunette wandered into the space looking as lost as could be. The redhead jogged over to him and gave him a wide smile. Leon scowled at the other's appearance.

"Were you rolling in the dirt?" he asked, noting on the smears of brown and green that had spattered themselves all over Reno's clothing.

"Just about, yeah. I had to help the farmers in the fields today. I didn't get a chance to shower."

"You were out there all day?" Leon asked.

"Yeah, but that's how they do it, I guess. Put in an entire day's worth of work and then take a couple days off. There aren't many animals to worry about so it's not like they need to be out there every single day. They just feed the birds in the morning and are done with it. I don't need to be there for that though."

"Oh."

"What did you do all day?"

"Fishing."

"Oh. Catch anything?"

"Hell no," Leon snorted. Reno laughed.

"You admit that so readily."

"I'm not one for lying."

"So I see. But I'm stealing the bathroom once we get home, just so you know," Reno said with a very matter-of-fact face. Leon smirked.

"Good. You smell like the inside of a musty wooden crate."

"Hey!" the redhead huffed with a scowl. He lifted his shirt and took a quick sniff and made a disgruntled face. "Okay, you're right. Never mind," he concluded.

"Excuse me," came a high pitched whining sort of voice neither Carrier had heard before. They turned to see another Shumi, who was incredibly short and was wearing the most _wretched_ shade of pink Leon had ever seen. He tried not to show his distaste though.

"Yes?" he asked.

"My name is Uli, and I was told that you both need measurements taken," it said.

"Awesome! When did you want to stop by?" Reno blurted. Uli looked confused for a moment before sliding one of its hands up the opposite sleeve of its robe and pulling out a measuring tape. The redhead blinked a few times.

"I was going to take them now, if that's alright."

"Uhh…" Reno trailed.

"That's fine," Leon answered for him. Uli smiled and looked behind itself, motioning over two other Shumi that had been watching from a distance. The Carriers were quickly ushered off to the side of the cathedral before they were assaulted and pushed around as freezing cold worm-like fingers poked and prodded them, going up into places neither of them wanted to have touched. There weren't any giggles or snide remarks as the group of Shumi jotted notes, feeling each Carrier over inch by inch. By the time Leon and Reno were released, the russet Carrier severely regretted allowing them to get close.

"That was just about the most uncomfortable experience I've had in the last few weeks," Reno said, cheeks pink.

"Yeah, I wasn't counting on being jumped like that. Sorry," Leon muttered.

There was a slow trickle of uniform noise creeping into the space as the rest of the village inhabitants made their way into the cathedral. Most everyone began humming the same hymn, a soft murmur of song drifting through the air, making the atmosphere oddly soothing. The village, for its size, wasn't grossly overpopulated. There were maybe two hundred Shumi in total, and the cathedral was big enough to fit them all. They all sat in neat orderly rows on the floor, forming a half circle around a dome of glass in the floor which looked oddly similar to the one in the Elder's home. It was black, regardless of which way one looked at it. In an effort to blend as much as they could, the Carriers sat in the back behind everyone else. Reno was humming along with the music and Leon looked to him confusedly.

"The people in the field were singing this song earlier," the redhead whispered, answering the unspoken question. The Shumi people continued humming for another fifteen minutes or so until the Elder made its appearance, followed by the guide. They stood at the front of the group, moving forward to be close to the glass dome in the middle. It looked around at everyone with a peaceful smile.

"My followers, we are gathered again, this being the fifty-six thousand one hundred eighty-ninth occasion of our nightly gathering, our ancestors having started it over one hundred and fifty years ago, at the start of the planetary decline. It is time to pay homage to Eden, to assist her in any way we can, even if it's just letting her tell her tale," the Elder stood straighter, folding its arms behind its back. "Any new business before we begin?" it asked, looking around. The faces in the crowd turned contemplative for a few moments, the silence lingering. "No? Well, as you're all probably aware we have acquired some new hope," the Elder began, motioning to the clueless Carriers sitting in the back. All eyes turned to them.

"Us?" Reno asked, looking surprised. The Elder smiled and nodded.

"Yes. Every soul is precious. It is a blessing you two are here and willing to sacrifice your time and energy to take two of them with you to start anew and give meaning to their existences. It is an invaluable gift," it said.

_Oh great, no pressure at all_, Leon told himself sarcastically. Reno didn't have anything to say either, he just smiled in appreciation.

"I do hope we, as a people, can assist you enough to ensure success. But if that is all the new business we have, I would like to begin," the Elder continued. The Shumi people turned their attention back to it, watching intently. The Elder brought its hands forward and pulled at the fingers of its gloves, removing the fabric and tossing it aside. It hovered its fingers over the dome of glass in front of it, the people around it slowly starting to hum another hymn. Reno didn't know the new song and stayed quiet with Leon, watching the dome curiously. The people started to sway back and forth as one cohesive unit, and the volume of their muted singing increased.

Words of an ancient language that neither Carrier understood started spilling from their voices in a soft murmur, the Elder being the loudest of them all. Every eye except Leon and Reno's was closed, the people sounding as one. The dome in the middle stayed black but thin greenish tendrils began seeping through the glass up in between the Elder's fingers. Tiny wisps seeped out from between the strands and into the open air, flitting around the ceiling above them in a gentle nonsensical pattern. In the evening dim, it looked like hundreds of green fireflies twinkling independently, the sight confusing Leon and Reno to no end, but neither of them could deny how pretty it was. They lit up the multicolored glass pieces and made the entire space sparkle.

An eerie yowling sound started to echo over the voices of the people, startling them both and making them look around. The volume picked up as the yowl slowly morphed into a songlike screech, something sounding akin to a whale's singing. It followed the tune the people were singing, but on a much more downtrodden inflection. It continued on for several minutes, during which time, a few of the Shumi stopped singing with it. Before too long, half the people stopped and were brought to tears, their friends or family members trying to comfort them as the music continued on unheeded. Reno and Leon were lost, and simply watched the weak tendrils dance between the Elder's fingers. The ethereal wailing continued for well over an hour, the air becoming melancholic and heavy.

_How long does this go on?_ Leon thought, trying to not look as bored as he felt. The significance of what was happening was lost on him and his impatience, but Reno was a little more receptive. All of the crying eyes around him brought his spirits down and he felt a little weepy right along with them, though he didn't understand why. Eventually, the sound calmed, grew whisper-quiet and slowly receded back into the glass dome with the green tendrils that it came with; the wisps that hovered around the ceiling slowly started drifting towards the floor, oozing into the stone when they made contact. The cathedral was quiet save for some light sniffling from the people, the Elder stood still until all of the energy left, then retrieved its gloves and put them back on.

"My people, Eden is still mourning her losses. Her strength is dwindling, but we mustn't falter our support or let her feel our hopelessness. This is nothing new, do not fret. There isn't a drastic change, as expected, but we will continue to wait for that day when she gives in. I thank you for your attendance. I shall see you all tomorrow evening. I give my love to you all," the Elder said quietly, its voice sounding with a slight monotone. The guide was right there to help the taller Shumi away, its strength obviously drained as it padded away tiredly. The people stay seated until the Elder was a decent distance away. The conversation broke out afterward, people debating the time they had left on their planet and catching up on personal business. Leon and Reno were left without much to do.

"I have no idea what just happened," the redhead said sadly, wiping at his eyes.

"Me either. But the green fuzzy things were part of the Lifestream, or so I was told. I'm assuming the rest of it was too," Leon said.

"Yeah? That's… sort of hard to believe," Reno said. The brunette nodded.

"I agree. I think there's more to it than that, but without a lab or anything to analyze it with we don't have much else to go off of."

"Well that's a practical way of going at it, but I'm sort of leaning towards the weird religious angle. There's obviously something more here than what we can study, that voice was pretty good evidence of that. The Elder guy seems to know what he was doing. Maybe we can ask some questions later," the redhead said. Leon shrugged.

"Can't hurt," he said.

* * *

Neither Carrier could think of how they would go about asking a religious figure about its faith without being extremely rude, so the next few weeks were mainly about adjustment versus getting answers. Leon got himself on a steady schedule with a predictable routine as the days ticked by. Wake up, eat, bathe, go fishing, wander around the village and talk a bit, go home, eat again, watch Cloud's parents, then bedtime. Reno was more of a social butterfly and tended to spend most of his off time visiting with the people than he did anything else. Leon was more concerned about making sure Cloud's mother was healthy and her pregnancy wasn't in peril.

Aïr, Cloud's father, was almost as boring as Leon was. The man didn't do anything pretty much all day every day other than sit on the couch with his leg propped up watching television. Occasionally he'd eat something, perform various bathroom tasks, and have sex with Cloud's mother, but not much else. The woman did everything for him. She helped him dress and bathe, she made his meals, and she put up with his bipolar abuse. The mornings were peaceful, but once the early evening hit, the man would break out a jar and a syringe and inject himself with something Leon could only describe as _sludge_.

Mako, the chemical runoff from Midgar's power plants, was a readily available resource of wasting the hours away hopelessly inebriated. Cloud's father would toil away all day living in constant pain from his infected leg, and his resolve would crack sometime after dinnertime and he'd use the drug to escape. If the woman left him alone, she usually stayed safe, but if she tried to help him, he'd lash out and hit her. But, by morning, he would turn into his normal loving self again and she would forgive him. It was a terrible cycle and Leon hated every second of it, especially as the woman's belly began to bulge and grow.

One day, something different happened. Aïr was sitting on the couch as he usually did while the woman, Anna, milled about trying to clean the kitchen, though it never seemed to help the dinginess. Leon often wondered how they managed to feed themselves and afford their utilities when neither of them seemed to have a job. Anna would go shopping and come back with just enough food to last a few more days before going to get more. It was puzzling. He tried not to think too much on it though, so long as she stayed healthy and took care of the baby, he was okay.

"Did you get the mail today?" Aïr questioned, pushing himself up just enough to look over the back of the sofa at her. She stopped what she was doing and thought for a moment.

"No, I don't think I did. I will," she said and set her rag aside and disappeared out the front door. That was another thing that Leon was confused about. If they got mail, they obviously weren't in hiding, and we wondered if they just lived in a shithole because it was the only thing around or if the rest of the city was like that. Before he could get sidetracked by that train of thought again, the front door to the shack flew open again and a man the Carrier had never seen before entered without any warning, pulling Anna behind him by her wrist roughly.

"You!" the newcomer barked at Aïr with a hint of malice in his voice. His clothing was a mix of leather and metal, a large crest plastered over his chest and a sword and sheath dangling off his belt. His heavy boots practically shook the entire house with his footsteps as he yanked the woman to the sofa and held her arm up in the air at Aïr. From watching television with the man, Leon recognized the clothing as some faction from the military. "Is this your woman?" the soldier asked impatiently.

"Yes," Aïr clipped, pushing himself up to sit straighter.

"She is with child, and I don't see a registration number. Are you simple? Or do you just choose ignore the law?"

"We…hadn't gotten to it yet. It's difficult for me to accompany her," the man defended. Anna, expression beaten, looked off to the side in shame, staying quiet.

"There are services provided to you for such circumstances. I will have someone come to you then, you need not leave the house. An inspector will return in a week to make sure you've followed through. Do I make myself clear?"

"I don't see why we have to do it _now_. We still have a few months yet," Aïr said.

"Well then I suppose you can live without the food our generous government gives you for those few months, and the free electricity, and your easy lifestyle. It's no skin off their nose if you starve. All they ever asked in return is a few soldiers. The least you can do to repay them is follow the law." The soldier said. He thrust his hand forward, pulling Anne with it so she stumbled forward. He let her go and turned to leave. "Take care of your responsibilities as a man," he spat before leaving. Aïr looked to Anne, the woman's posture sagging as she leaned against the couch.

"I don't want to register…" she said quietly.

"I don't want you to either. But we're suddenly crunched for time. I don't think we can escape before they find us. Unless you go without me; that's an option too."

"No it's not! I can't do this alone," Anna protested. The man sighed and sat back, slouching in his seat again.

"I'm completely useless to you. I can't even get out to get the mail and keep you out of harm's way." The woman frowned as the man refused to make eye contact. She eventually got fed up with standing and forced herself in his lap, straddling his waist and taking his face in her hands. She kissed him, a rough but brief movement, before sitting back again and running her fingers through his hair. She didn't have anything to say, because what he said was the truth. He had no purpose other than posing a burden to her and occasionally giving her the attention Leon thought she deserved. She hugged Aïr tightly, resting her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm not leaving you," she said.

"Annaicé…" the man sighed and hugged her back.

_I don't understand…_ Leon thought.

"It's alright… I'll register… and we can figure something out. And if not, we can always have more, yes?" she asked. She leaned back so she could see his face. Aïr gave her a withering expression and ran his fingers through her hair. He was quiet for several minutes.

"You deserve so much better than me," he said. She shrugged.

"Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want anyone else," she said dryly. He smiled a bit, just the barest twitch of the lips.

"That's reassuring. I'm sorry I can't do more for you," he said. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead and hugged his face into her bosom.

"Just by being with me, you're doing more than I could ever ask for," she said. He didn't say anything this time, but rubbed his face between her breasts while reaching around and hugging her waist tightly. The woman grunted with the force.

_Don't crush my Charge now, god damn,_ Leon snorted to himself. The battery on his camera was getting low and he plugged in a new one. He entered his information and sent the little bug on its way, the arrival time being just under five hours, like it tended to be. His mind was awash with a whole new series of questions he couldn't even guess the answers to. He considered going to the Elder and seeing if he could get the new ones answered and somehow steer the conversation towards the older ones he had surrounding the Shumi belief system. It was worth a try, anyway.

* * *

The brunette really hoped he didn't need an appointment to speak with the Elder. He stood in front of the doors leading in to the house under the enormous tree with a look of hesitation. He took a breath and knocked. After several minutes of silence he knocked again. Then again. Eventually the doors popped open abruptly and Leon found himself face to chest with the guide he never learned the name of. It smiled at him once it realized who he was. Leon blinked up at it quietly, hesitating.

"Er… can I speak with the Elder?" he asked. The guide chuckled.

"I would've noticed you were at the door sooner had you rung the bell. Would've saved you some time," it said. Leon looked around the door frame for any evidence that there was a bell to ring.

"Bell?" he questioned, finding nothing. The guide reached outside and felt along the metal molding before one of its gloved fingers found what it was looking for and pressed inward. There was a soft '_click_' before a small rectangular panel slid out of the way to reveal a small button. The Carrier blinked, wondering how the guide even found the spot in the first place, and then he started wondering if there were more secret panels to be found. Maybe his door _did_ have a lock.

"Anyway, the Elder is not well at this time and isn't taking any visitors. Is there something I can help you with?"

"…I just had a few questions. About Midgar's laws and the Shumi people."

"Well, I can probably help with the ones on the people, but not so much about Midgar's laws. We know of them, and their advance on the planet, but the society and people eludes us just as much as Balamb does. We don't get that involved. I honestly doubt the Elder can answer those questions any better than I can. What did you want to talk about otherwise?"

"First I'd like to know if anyone would be offended if I asked around about the evening ceremonies."

"In what context? From a disbelief standpoint or just curiosity?"

"Curiosity," Leon lied. Yes he was curious, but he still had a hard time believing the planet acted like a person did, figmented or otherwise. The idea that the core can sing and talk to the Shumi people was up for debate as well as the idea that the Lifestream was just pure energy. If Midgar sucked the energy up from the ground and into their power plants which made the chemical runoff, Mako, then there was obviously more there than people were saying. Whether or not the Shumi people were aware of those extra somethings, Leon couldn't say, but pure energy shouldn't have waste material, that much he was sure of.

"Come in then," the guide said, stepping aside and allowing the Carrier entry. It motioned for him to follow and the brunette did so, keeping an eye on the elaborate décor and furnishings that was a common trend in the entire village. They wove through several hallways and up a few short staircases. A wheezing cough echoed down the hall that made the guide sigh a little and the Carrier assumed that was the Elder. They ignored the sound otherwise though and eventually ended up in a library. It was a relatively small space, with bookshelves lining the walls but only enough space in the middle for an extra two. They were all stuffed to the gills with literature though, which Leon was more than pleased to see. Reading saved him a lot of awkward conversation.

"I like books," he blurted. The guide chuckled.

"You're welcome to read as much as you like. Most of these books are originals and quite old, but the newer ones have several copies and if you'd like to take those with you, you're welcome to so long as they make it back here. Do I have your word that they will?" it asked. The Carrier nodded.

"Yes."

"Good. I'll trust you," it motioned to several book cases towards the far wall. "You can take any from those shelves back there and the ones in the middle here. The others are a bit more fragile, so be careful and keep those here."

"Alright."

"I'm afraid I can't stay, I must tend to the Elder. I apologize."

"It's okay. I don't mind," Leon said. The guide nodded, bowed slightly and took its leave, closing the door behind itself quietly. The brunette's attention immediately went to the books. He cruised over the older titles quickly, realizing that most of them were related to folklore and fictional stories. He ignored those immediately and made his way around the walls. For the most part, that's all he could find. Fiction, fiction, fairy tales, legends, more fiction. But as he found his way into the newer books, things turned a bit more factual. He made sense of it quickly. Why would the Shumi people of yesteryear keep books around that had instructions on Shumi culture? There wouldn't have been any point. But the newer books (and by newer, it was implied to be within the last two hundred years) were probably written once the Carriers started coming.

The Carrier didn't stick around. He took an armload of books with him and left quietly. He made his way back to the inn and set them all on his desk. He was disappointed he couldn't get more information about Midgar out of the Shumi but he didn't feel he should have expected it. So far, he understood that they were relatively isolated culturally, and the inner workings of the rest of the world's people were probably moot points to learn. He sighed a bit as he looked at his computer screen. The camera bug was still on right where he had left it even as the new one was zooming along to meet it. But he could hear Cloud's parents in the next room fucking, and he was just about fed up with that. He stopped the feed and closed it up and went to his door.

Running his hands over the doorframe curiously, he couldn't feel anything different like what the guide had done at the Elder's house with the doorbell. He scowled a bit pushed a little harder on the perimeter and was surprised to have his hand sink in a half inch as a panel made itself known. It wasn't a tiny one like the one that hid the bell, but a full sized square that was bigger than his entire hand. It slid up into the rest of the wall to show a keypad. Leon practically giggled like a child when he saw several large buttons on the interface.

_Open_

_ Close_

_ Close and lock_

"Fantastic," he said to himself with a smile as he pressed the last one and the door slid shut and clicked. He waved his hand into front of the motion sensor at the top of the doorway and when it didn't pop open again, he grinned. The small victory won, he decided the first thing he wanted to do was sleep how he wanted to sleep, instead of balled up in his excessive billowy clothing and trying not to strangle his limbs. But he wasn't tired enough for a nap and settled for disrobing and crawling under the covers with one of his new books.

* * *

A hollow '_thud_' followed by a loud whine startled Leon out of his gentle snooze. He hadn't realized he had dozed off, the book still open and propped up against his legs. There was a moment of silence before he heard some light sniffling and someone knocked. He scooted out of bed and pulled his pants on before groggily opening the door again. Reno was standing there with tears in his eyes, rubbing his nose and looking pitiful.

"You totally walked into my door, didn't you?" Leon asked flatly.

"Maybe…" the redhead said. "How'd you get it to close?" he asked. The brunette stepped back and pointed to the open panel. Reno peeked around the doorframe and gasped. "Where'd you find that?" he squeaked. Forgetting his original purpose at the other Carrier's door, he skittered off to his own and started feeling around his doorframe. Another gasp sounded as he found his panel and the door clicked open and shut excitedly. "Awesome!" he barked with a laugh. "That makes me feel so much better!" he said, coming back to Leon's door.

"I wasn't aware you had a sense of privacy," the brunette said.

"Well I don't care so much about right now, but when Rude comes back with me I had every intention of keeping him naked ninety percent of the time he's here."

"…Greeeat," Leon grumbled with a scowl. Reno waved a dismissive hand.

"Don't tell me you have never had the intention of getting laid, regardless of who it's with? That's just sad."

"I hadn't really thought about it, no."

"Augh! Why are you so _dull_?" Reno whined with his brows knit together. Leon rolled his eyes, stepped back into his room, and clicked the door shut in the redhead's face. The other let out an exasperated sigh before leaving in a huff. The brunette wiggled out of his pants again and snuggled back under the covers with his book. He had to admit he was a little disappointed with its contents. It was a good book for Shumi history, and what the customs were like, but it didn't answer his questions about what was happening during the evening ceremonies. It only mentioned the religious 'we follow Eden and she speaks to us' aspect and didn't give him anything else concrete. Without a lab or anything to examine the Lifestream's wisps with, he was quickly running out of options.

He sighed and considered what he would lose if he just let it go. It'd probably bug him, but it ultimately wasn't anything he had to concern himself with. The Shumi people were in tune with their planet and it was in trouble, that's just about as far as he was willing to go. He could help them take care of their village using their traditions and every day regimens without needing to delve too deep. He was okay with that.

Midgar, on the other hand, was more important. He was really bothered by the unknowns, seeing as how they affected his Charge. He closed his book and sat quietly for a few minutes, contemplating his next move. He scooted to the edge of the bed and leaned across the open space to retrieve his computer. He poked at the keyboard to wake it up and was surprised to find that the new camera bug was not too far from the target and that the nap he apparently took while the old one was off saved some battery. Cloud's parents weren't in immediate ear or eyeshot, which was bittersweet. They were his source of information, but snooping around in their house could be just as useful.

While driving the little bug around, it was clear that the couple wasn't big on reading. There weren't any books, or any pamphlets, or even a newspaper. The mail hadn't made it inside either, _if_ they got any. It was entirely possible that they were both illiterate themselves, which would explain a few things. But it didn't help him. So, he settled for wiggling the bug under the front door and outside the house. It was dark, and well into the night, but that didn't seem to hinder the people from staying active. They were out in droves, talking amongst one another and walking, heading in all directions. Leon kept the bug against the edge of the tiny shack for safety and watched.

From what he could see, the population was mostly women. The few men that the Carrier could see were either physically damaged in some way, or had hair whiter than he could even imagine. Some were a mix of both; a beat up leg, or missing most of his fingers, with rapidly whitening hair dispersed amongst their natural color. Some of the eyes, regardless of gender, were shining like tiny lights as they carried on like normal in the dimly lit cracked streets. The Carrier didn't see any shops or venues, but could see row after row of piddly shacks propped up close together. It was a slum; a shithole ghetto that no one seemed to mind living in, if Leon based his opinion on the demeanors of the people around him. He expected it, but it was still disheartening. He did notice a distinct lack of children, but several pregnant women waddling around. Perhaps it was just the time of night and they were all tucked in bed. He sincerely hoped that was the case as babies seemed to be a hot issue.

He skittered around for as long as he could, the new bug arriving and waiting for use, but the battery slowly died on the old one. The screen started to get blurry as the picture faded, the bug being pointed down a short alley between two shacks. Leon squinted at the screen as he could see several figures moving around in the darkness. Leaving the old bug where it was and quickly maneuvering the new one to take its place, he was able to get closer to see what was happening. He had found Cloud's parents, as well as some people he had never seen before. His gut twisted.

Every pair of eyes in the alley was glowing, even Anna's, and the display of blatant public sex was sickening. Leon furrowed his brows together as the woman entertained a man he had never seen before. Cloud's father was preoccupied with two other women a short distance away, his leg apparently a moot point in his inebriated state. The Carrier was concerned. Any one of those women could be Cloud's mother, if Anna was not, or the random man she seemed to pick up could very well be his father instead of Aïr. The sex was the least of his concerns, he didn't care what they did with their lives, but the havoc it could wreak when it came time to find Cloud wasn't something he could ignore.

_I don't know what to do. Do I watch them all?_ He asked himself as he held his face in his hands. He wondered if Reno was having any similar problems, and decided he could ask. He pulled on his pants and closed his computer up and took it with him to knock on the redhead's door. Reno answered within a few minutes, looking confused.

"What's wrong?" he asked, the obvious crease in his begrudging companion's face evident. Leon held up his computer and pulled it open so Reno could see.

"Do you have this problem?" the brunette asked blandly.

"Wow. Nice orgy," Reno snorted. Leon sighed. "Sorry, uh… no. Rude's parents are blacksmiths or something. Metalworkers. They don't exactly party like that. What's the problem, exactly? Why do you care what those people do together?"

"I don't, or at least I wouldn't if I knew which parent I was watching," he pointed to Aïr and Anna. "These two are the ones I'm supposed to be paying attention to, but if I'm only watching one, and not them both, it could make finding Cloud way harder than it needs to be. Any one of those women could have him or he could be fathered by anyone else."

"Are they outside?" Reno asked, squinting at the screen, completely ignoring what Leon said.

"Yes."

"Crazy foreigners," the redhead giggled. Leon closed the computer again, though the audio persisted.

"Pay attention."

"Right, sorry. I agree it's a problem, but we don't have the equipment to check what information Xemnas gave us, so we just need to have a bit of blind faith and hope for the best."

"That's far from encouraging. Do you know anything about Midgar's laws?"

"In regards to what? Exhibitionists?"

"Pregnant women. The woman I'm watching was practically assaulted because she's pregnant and apparently not 'registered' somewhere."

"What the hell is she doing fucking random guys if she's pregnant?" Reno asked, furrowing his brows together.

"She's inebriated."

"That doesn't exactly make it any better."

"I know. Focus for me for a second, do you know what I'm talking about?"

"I haven't heard anything specific about it, but when Rude's dad watches TV in the morning, the news sometimes talks about the influx of unregistered women. It doesn't go into much more detail than that and I hear Rude's mom say stuff like 'oh those poor girls' as she's cooking the eggs. I don't know what it's about otherwise."

"What does his father have to say about it?"

"He just sort of grunts and nods. He's not much of a talker. Sort of reminds me of you."

"Goody," Leon said, rolling his eyes. "But they don't go out and use drugs and get into random orgies?" he asked. Reno shook his head.

"Nope. They work together in their little shop place, repairing weapons for the soldiers that come through, then they come home, eat and go to bed. They've had sex like… twice since I got there. Do Cloud's parents do this often?"

"His father uses more than his mother does. But they're _way_ more active than twice in six weeks if you get my meaning, but with each other. At least… I _think_ that's all they do. This is the first time I've noticed but the woman leaves the house to shop and stuff so for all I know she could just be a giant whore." He sighed, shaking his head a bit. "This is a disaster." Reno patted his shoulder with a tiny smile.

"At least it's interesting, yeah?"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** I do apologize for the huge delay. My computer is ill. You can read my rant about it on my DeviantArt profile. I'm using my old derpy one for now.

Just a warning: This chapter is a bit rough in terms of subject matter.

* * *

Chapter 9

If there was one thing the Shumi people _really_ liked, it was textures. Every single person in the village had a purpose and occupation, most of them being master craftsman of varying wares. Clothes making, jewelry making, decorations for homes, carpentry, metalworking, sculpture, anything anyone could possibly need or want, the Shumi people could probably make. They would sit around all day doing their craft and being productive. Because of that, they held their hands in high regard and kept them covered when not working; as they considered it rude to expose such valuable body parts willy nilly. Even the fieldworkers and fishers were considered masters of their craft.

Knowing this, Leon was very apprehensive as to what the people's reactions would be when he and Reno needed to change. The redheaded Carrier didn't give two shits about who saw him wandering around, suddenly a thousand pounds heavier. He was well received, and the people came to him to touch his mane and feel his hide, marveling at the texture. Leon, on the other hand, tried to keep it to himself. He picked a secluded delta that he found didn't get much foot traffic and hung around on the tiny dock there, sticking his feet in the water. He wasn't ashamed of what he was, but he didn't feel the need to proclaim it, either. He was different enough already, living in a village full of alien-like people. But he try as he might, he was found, as he hoped he wouldn't be.

"Ah!" someone startled, pulling the Carrier's attention to the delta's narrow entrance.

_Oh great_, he grumbled to himself. _Please don't molest me._

"I haven't seen one like you in quite some time!" the Shumi proclaimed, setting its fishing equipment down and stepping to him. It bent down and stuffed its noodle fingers in his mane and felt around, a look of adoration in its eyes. Leon was skeptical.

_Like me?_

"It must have been close to ten years ago. A little less, maybe. She was as black as night and tried to hide herself as well. Such a wonderful woman; very kind," it said, keeping his face up with a hand under his chin, the other hand petting him affectionately. "You're much bigger. Different, yes, but similar as well."

_Oh. Probably Tifa._

"You don't need to hide yourself. You're welcome to walk around. I'm sure everyone would like to see you."

_That's exactly what I was trying to avoid._

"Come with me, yes?" it asked. Leon made no move to get up, even as the Shumi stood and started walking off the dock. It stopped and looked to him. "No?" it asked. The cat resituated his positioning to lying flat with his chin between his front paws, getting comfortable where he was, hoping the message was clear.

_Just leave me be, please._

"I wish you weren't so shy. There is nothing to be ashamed about," it said with a tiny sigh and a frown. Leon didn't deny the Shumi's sincerity, but parading himself around like a spectacle wasn't exactly appealing to him, even if the feedback was positive. It was bearable if they came to him, but he sure as hell wasn't going to go to them. So, he didn't move. The Shumi eventually gave in, took its fishing supplies, and left him.

Leon wasn't there to make friends. He was comfortable around the Shumi enough to be civil and adopt their ways of doing things, but he really didn't want to develop relationships with any of them, or Reno, for that matter. Not only was it a distraction, but it would make leaving again just that much more difficult. He already liked being outside and amongst the grasses and plants enough as it was, and the facility back home looked like a veritable prison at this point, so adding relationships to miss just made the problem worse. Be that as it may, he couldn't deny that he was hurting himself. It was a lonely way of living, and it picked at him. He wanted something more permanent though, like a family, something he wouldn't have to say goodbye to in twenty years.

A hugely fat fish swam right up to the end of the dock and hovered in the water right below where his feet were dangling over the edge. He was surprised, and raised his head off the wood just enough to see it better. It was practically staring at him. He quickly reached over the edge and stuck his foot in the water, claws out and ready to snag it. Its gills got caught on the pointy appendages, but it thrashed around trying to get away. He stuck his other paw in, trying to grab it, fumbling around as water sprayed in every direction. He got a good grip in one side of it and used his paw to push it against the nearest pylon to hold it in place. He squashed it against the pillar and dug his claws in as much as he could, scooting himself around as much as he could for stability. His judgment of how close he was to the edge of the dock was off and his back foot slipped, sending him into the water. It didn't matter, he still had the fish stuck to his foot, and he rolled over, bringing it to his mouth so he could keep it as he paddled to the shore, just a few feet away.

"That is a huge fish! Holy shit!" Reno blurted abruptly, startling the cat a bit. Leon dropped the fish on the grass and let it waggle around helplessly. He shook the water from himself, sending a spray in all directions. The redhead waited until he was finished before approaching. "I can't believe you caught that thing with your face. That's awesome," he said happily.

_Not quite my face, but whatever,_ Leon sighed. The fish flopped around, inching back towards the water. He pushed it farther inland.

"Anyway, I heard rumors that you were being dumpy and depressed and I was asked to help."

_I wasn't aware I asked for help,_ Leon thought. A sudden strong tickle prodded the inside of his nose and he sneezed, twice, removing the water the fish had flung up his nostrils. He ignored Reno and lay in the grass next to his catch, waiting for it to burp up a wisp, signifying it was thoroughly dead.

"Don't ignore me," Reno protested. He stared at the cat with a scowl as Leon continued to do just that. The redhead wasn't happy. He was starting to take Leon's prickly demeanor personally. He had never had someone flat out deny him any sort of simple pleasantry. The brunette didn't even say 'good morning' to him on most days, let alone be willing to have an extended conversation with him. He waited, trying to be patient just in case Leon decided he wanted to be nice. After a few minutes, it was clear he wasn't wanted. He heaved a little sigh and left quietly.

* * *

Anna registered as she was ordered to. Leon missed the part where the couple left the house together, but he was there for when they came back. The woman was in tears, clutching her forearm and whimpering nonsense to Aïr as the man hobbled to the sofa. She sat with him and leaned against his side. He held her close and rested his cheek against her hair. Leon skittered his camera up for a better vantage point. He peered over her shoulder and was taken aback. In the dimness of the hovel he couldn't tell exactly what had been done to her, but it certainly looked painful.

"It hurts so much…" Anna sniffled. She had a barcode on her wrist like one would find on a product in a store. It looked like it had been tattooed on her skin, but judging by how upset she was, Leon thought there was more to it. The skin was raw and there were trickles of dried blood seeping out from the bottoms of the bars and down her arm.

"Lay with me," Aïr said, expression distant. Anna nodded and stood, allowing the man to turn sideways and prop his bad leg up. She gently straddled his waist and lay on top of him, resting her head on his chest. Her damaged arm dangled off the side of the sofa, and Leon was able to inch close to see just what the problem really was. He was horrified.

The tattoo wasn't anything of the sort. Thin metal rods had been lodged under the first few layers of the woman's skin. The area was irregularly raised, not all of the rods being the same depth. Leon couldn't decide what was worse. The idea that it was done to begin with, or the possibility of fatal harm being done to Anna had the person who had done it pushed one in too deep. He desperately wanted to understand the reasoning behind such terrible methods, but he wouldn't be able to see it for several more months, when Anna gave birth.

"This is really the only thing I dislike about Midgar," she mumbled quietly. Aïr nodded, running his fingers through her hair.

"It's a necessity. It's what keeps us free," he said.

"I know, but I still don't like it."

"I still think you should leave."

"I'm not going anywhere without you," she said sternly. She sniffled again, obliterating any sort of fierceness her tone may have had. He hugged her then, burying his face in her hair, eyes squeezed shut tightly. She tried her best to hug him back without hurting her arm. They were silent for a few minutes. Aïr eventually let her go and sighed.

"Did you want some? To take away the pain?" he asked. Anna propped herself up on his chest with her elbow and looked thoughtful. She sniffled again and nodded, scooting off of him and making her way to the kitchen. Leon was all too familiar with what they were doing at this point. He heaved a heavy mental sigh when he saw Anna pull out the jar of Mako and a syringe. The only syringe. The one they shared, which was an awful thought in of itself, but coupled with the disgusting sludge they injected themselves with, it was a nightmare. He hated it, and closed his computer, not wanting to watch.

It was a common trend between the couple. A cycle they followed almost as if they were robots programmed to do certain things when they felt a certain way. If either of them was depressed or in pain, they'd shoot up and forget it all. God forbid either of them left the house, then they'd usually end up having rampant sex with someone the hardly knew, instead of each other, but those instances weren't as prevalent. Mostly, it was just them. Together, lost in a world of inebriated bliss. The habit kept up, even as Anna's pregnancy proceeded, seemingly healthily. Leon had mixed feeling about the whole thing, sort of hoping that the child wasn't Cloud, based on how much damage the woman probably caused herself.

One thing he did find out, was that he was watching Anna specifically. She was indeed Cloud's mother. He thought himself rather clever in how he discovered it. He waited until she went shopping, leaving Aïr behind, and told the camera bug to find it's target. It left the house, looking for her instead of staying behind with Aïr. The Carrier caught up with her in a sort of open marketplace, where vendors were showing their wares at rickety tables and stands. He was fascinated at how the people there simply picked what they wanted and took it. The merchants would just have them sign a book, for keeping inventory, and they'd be sent on their way.

No one tried to take more than what they needed. It was strange that there was no currency being exchanged but the lack of selfishness and thievery was probably what perplexed Leon the most. Soldiers actively patrolled the streets, checking women for registration barcodes and keeping things in order, but even then, they seemed unconcerned with the marketplace. It was fascinating, but not what he was there for. Anna moved quickly for a woman in the later stages of pregnancy, and found what she needed, tucked it in her bag, and left. The Carrier hitched a ride on the hem of her pant leg.

They were several doors down from the house when there was a commotion in between a couple of the shacks that pulled Anna's attention away. She stopped and peeked around the side where there was a soldier having some degree of difficulty manhandling a woman. Or rather, a _young_ woman. She couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen and the soldier was looked to be well into his forties. His eyes were shining a bright blue, as the trend seemed to dictate, and she was trying to pull away from his grabbing hands, yelling and screaming at him to let her go. He didn't, and she eventually gave in. He raped her in plain sight of all passerby's. People stopped to watch like Anna had, and didn't leave until he was finished with her, leaving her in a sobbing heap on the dirt pathway.

_What the __**fuck**__ is wrong with these people?_ Leon asked himself. The whole society confused him to no end. There was hardly any evidence of petty crime or personal strife between the people. No one argued very much and they all seemed to be rather polite. But the severity of the crimes that _did_ happen weren't even reacted to. Rape wasn't something anyone but the victim seemed to care about. Women would go out, high off their gourd, and sleep with whoever they pleased, but no arguments broke out of her household afterward. Men too. They would just up and grab a woman they decided they wanted and bend them over wherever was most convenient. It was appalling, but so interesting. Like a train wreck. He couldn't help but watch, even though the scene was horrifying.

Leon's cameras didn't leave the house much after he saw the rape. He was a little shaken, but he mostly felt helpless. He wished he had been there in person and had helped the girl instead of acting like the rest of the people there had. Just watching. That's what Aïr did. He watched with a sort of blank air about him whenever he went out. He didn't get very far on most days and ended up in front of the television again after only a short while. The newscasts and programs on the shiny box weren't much better. All of it was normal to them, but so alien to Leon. He couldn't process it.

The worst instance of Midgar's twisted society came when it was time for Anna to give birth. Now, the woman never had any exams during her pregnancy. No prenatal care, no vitamins, no ultrasounds. The only thing she was given was a scheduled induction when she was registered. She and Aïr set out for the hospital early that morning, the man taking his time walking with her. For Leon, whose camera was hitching a ride on their 'just in case' bag, it was a grueling four hours of _nothing_. His nerves were shot by the time they finally made it, having gotten jittery right when he woke up with them. He had to time it right and sleep during the day and wake up at six in the evening or so, to make up the time zone difference.

_I'm such a wreck, I really need to calm down_, he told himself as he sat on his bed, chewing on the inside of his lip in anticipation, staring at the computer screen intently. The hospital room was practically barren of anything aside from Anna's bed, and a few chairs. There were no monitors, no machines, nothing medical, except for a clipboard holding the woman's charts. At the very least it looked like a normal hospital on the surface. It was clean and sterile, mostly white and a pastel green. The doors slid into the walls like the ones in the Shumi village, and there was a phone on the wall next to the bathroom.

"Are you alright?" Anna asked as Aïr dropped himself in a chair heavily with a grunt.

"I will be in a little bit," he said, struggling to keep his voice even and his face neutral. His pain was obvious as he gingerly moved his infected leg around, trying to find a position that lessened the feeling. Anna frowned and rubbed his shoulders.

"We'll be home by tonight," she said, sounding a bit sad.

_So quickly?_ Leon questioned.

"It can't come soon enough," Aïr said spitefully. The woman nodded and kissed the top of his head before going to her bed and sitting on the side. They waited quietly for twenty minutes or so, which felt like a lifetime to Leon.

"Hello in here," a nurse, dressed in white, abruptly said as the door popped open. Anna startled some but kept her eyes glued to the floor. Three men followed the nurse inside. Two were normal soldiers, like the Carrier had seen patrolling the streets, the other looked much more important. He was dressed relatively the same as the other two but with silver adornments dangling off oversized metal shoulder pads. There was a very obvious sword hanging off his belt with elaborate silver scrollwork on the scabbard. The biggest difference in his clothing was the addition of an oversized pair of bangles on his wrists.

They stuck out at least an inch all the way around the man's wrists and held what Leon could only describe as engorged marbles. They were mostly green and blue, but one was red. The Carrier was intrigued. Before he could get in for a closer look, the man nudged the couple's bag across the room with his foot, taking Leon's camera along with it. Then he crossed back to the door and took Anna's chart from the little cubby it was sitting in and flipped through the papers. Everyone was quiet as he read.

"Your first?" he asked, voice deep and commanding. Anna flinched, didn't look at him, but nodded. "You're fully aware of the procedure then? You have no choice in the matter if you want to remain a citizen, it's best if you know how to handle yourself."

"Yes sir. I understand," she said quietly, eyes watering. Leon scowled, as did Aïr.

"Good. I don't want any problems," the man said and handed the chart off to the nurse before going to take a seat. The other two soldiers took their places on either side of the door, stone-faced.

_He's not going to stay in there with them, is he?_ Leon questioned, his stomach twisting a bit. The nurse left them quickly. The air in the room was tense. The man dug in his pocket and pulled out a tiny personal computer and tugged a stylus from the top of it before poking at the screen. Leon didn't care enough to sneak up and look over his shoulder to see what he was doing. Instead, he made the camera inch itself up the wall and take roost in the corner with the best vantage point of Anna's bed. The nurse came back, pushing a cart with another woman following her close behind.

"Lie down, it's time to start," the nurse said, nudging Anna back. She obeyed and lay back quietly, propping herself up on her elbows. The nurse took little time in yanking her walking shorts down, causing Anna to yelp in surprise and try to cover herself. The man with the bangles paid no attention to the goings on and continued to fiddle with his device. The new woman, the doctor, was pushing supplies around on the cart. No one made a move to give Anna a blanket or anything to offer her some decency. The doctor came to Anna's side and took her arm. She quickly injected something in her before letting her go. Aïr, eyes dark, scooted his chair closer to Anna's side. The nurse and the doctor started up some causal conversation between themselves, the pregnant woman ignored.

Anna's labor wasn't gradual. No one checked to see if she had dilated or hooked her up to anything that could monitor her progress. Leon was appalled. The contractions, and subsequently the pain, smacked into her practically all at once, causing her to tense up and scream. Aïr was her only comfort when she broke out in tears and sobbed about how much she wanted it to stop. He held her hand in his, letting her squeeze it as much as she could and used his free one to wipe her brow when it broke out in a sweat. The only time anyone paid attention to her was when the baby started to crown. The doctor unceremoniously shoved her legs up by the bottoms of her feet and the nurse held them in place.

Blood seeped out from Anna at a steady pace, soaking the bed under her. The woman was screaming at the top of her lungs with the immense pain that no one else seemed to be concerned with. Except Aïr, his brows were knitted together worriedly as he tried to support Anna as much as he could. Leon stared, mouth agape, at the scene. The cruelty was something he couldn't even conceive. From start to finish, the labor lasted barely forty-five minutes. The doctor scooped the infant up quickly and wrapped it up once the umbilical cord was cut. The man with the bangles stood from his seat once the baby was out and forcibly took the child from her. He unwrapped and inspected the child as it wailed away before taking it to one of the soldiers by the door and handed it off.

Leon was speechless. The baby wasn't Cloud. It was a girl.

"Burn it," the man said.

"_WHAT?_" Leon screamed at his computer in utter shock. He watched the soldier take the infant quietly, expressionless. The soldier saluted and left, the cries of the child silencing when the door slid closed again. Anna was practically catatonic, pale as snow and breathing shallowly. Aïr had his eyes squeezed shut, his face turned away, and was still holding Anna's hand tightly. The woman blinked at the ceiling blearily, her legs splayed open, bleeding onto the bed. The sides of the mattress were dripping onto the floor.

"I expect to see you back here by this time next year, or sooner," the man with the bangles said. He approached the bed and looked at his wrists. He chose one of the oversized marbles and pressed it inward. With a quick flick of his hand he spun the bangle like a wheel, the colorful balls blurring together as they started to glow. He held his hand out over Anna's face. Pale greenish tendrils inched down from his fingers, the same ones that came from the dome of glass during the evening ceremonies in the village. Leon couldn't believe what he was seeing as the tiny strings and wisps snaked their way up Anna's nostrils and into her mouth. Her breathing regulated itself, her color returned, and any sort of traumatic tearing her genitals suffered all but disappeared. Aïr sat back, his face downtrodden, but no longer worried. In a matter of minutes, Anna was sitting up again.

"What happens if I can't?" she asked, her voice sounding normal, even toned, like none of it happened. The Carrier was flabbergasted.

"Then we come get you," the man responded. He dug in his pocket for his tiny computer again and poked at the screen again. He took Anna's arm with her registration barcode and held the device over her skin. A blue line appeared over the bars and there was a '_beep_.' He let her go and typed away again.

"I meant if I can't conceive again by then," she said, blankly looking at her arm.

"Call us in a few months if nothing happens. We'll send someone else to you that may be a bit more… potent," the man said casually, as if a man's potency was the only problem. Nevermind how the woman's uterus had suddenly been fitted with an auto-eject button with whatever drug the doctor had given her. Aïr looked off to the side, eyes shameful. "Let's hope for a son next time, yes?"

"Yes sir," Anna said quietly. She scooted off the bed and sat on the arm of Aïr's chair, allowing the nurse and the doctor to change the bed sheets and to wipe off the plastic under-pad.

_I don't… understand… what just happened?_ Leon trailed mentally, unable to voice his confusion. He held his head with hands on either side of his temples, fingers gripping his hair tightly. His entire perception of Biology and Physics was just slashed to pieces, not to mention the severe ethical problems he was having. He felt dizzy.

"I'm sorry I failed," Aïr said hoarsely, watching the man with the bangles closely.

"It happens. Be more careful," he said. The other nodded. The soldiers took their leave then, without so much as an explanation. Anna and Aïr seemed to understand, which didn't help Leon in the least. The nurse and doctor left a few minutes later. Anna went to clean herself up and get dressed again. Then the couple sat together quietly for what seemed like ages.

_Say something. Tell me you're human,_ Leon silently begged them. The lack of emotion was unsettling.

"That wasn't so bad," Anna blurted after a while. The Carrier balked. Aïr didn't say anything. She looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"You sounded like you were dying," he said hesitantly.

"But I'm fine."

"Yeah, only because the Captain healed you."

"Right, and we can try again."

"And if he isn't so giving next time?"

"…I don't think he can do that until I at least give him a son."

Leon couldn't listen anymore. He made the camera crawl back into their bag so it could be taken home with them, but stopped the feed. His hands were shaking as his frazzled brain tried to make sense of what had happened. He missed an evening ceremony anticipating Cloud's arrival and instead, was kicked in the face. His skin was crawling. He had questions. So many questions. He shuffled out of his bed and shakily made his way over to Reno's door. He knocked quietly. The redhead answered quickly.

"Holy shit, what happened?" he blurted in surprise, taking in Leon's hollow expression.

"It wasn't Cloud," the brunette said blankly.

"Well there wasn't anything saying he didn't have siblings, was there?"Reno asked. Leon shook his head.

"He still doesn't."

"…I don't get it."

"His sister is dead."

"Stillborn?"

"No, probably tossed in an incinerator like a piece of garbage," Leon said. Reno furrowed his brows.

"That's not funny, don't joke like that."

"I'm not. I wish I was."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Wait, I need you to explain better," the redhead said, stepping aside and letting the other come in his bedroom. Reno's computer was open and broadcasting Rude's parents working together in their blacksmith shop. Leon was immediately envious of the normalcy. He sat on the edge of the redhead's bed and regurgitated the entire story back to him. Having to repeat it all and really think about all the details got him even more upset. He kept his gaze low, staring down at the lines in his palms, as the jitters sped up and made his eyes water.

"…She looked perfectly healthy but they just tossed her away because she wasn't male. I mean, maybe they saw something I didn't and she wouldn't have survived, but they kept saying over and over again 'let's hope for a son,' or 'give a son next time,' like that was the whole point. I don't know…" he trailed sadly, quiet tears dripping off the end of his nose. "Maybe it hurts me more because the females are such an integral part of my Totem but… I just couldn't imagine going through all that just to throw away a daughter or sister just because she didn't have the 'right' parts."

"It sort of makes sense though," Reno said, watching the brunette closely. Leon glanced at him, wiping at his eyes.

"How can you say that? It's cruel."

"Well, just because I can understand their mentality, it doesn't mean its okay. Think about it. Midgar is huge. They're a militaristic society for the most part and are trying to fuel an enormous war. Regulating births and population is probably a big part of that. Registering women when they're able to have children and making them keep up production until they get sons is probably a very efficient way of making sure they stay ahead of the game. If families are having a bunch of girls, it distracts them from having more kids, and the probability of more soldiers goes down the tube. If they only draft men, then they _need_ boys to be born. Burning the girls is a bit much though," the redhead explained.

"They could've given her to me. I would've been okay having her," Leon said flatly. Reno smiled.

"That's cute."

"I'm serious. Children aren't tissues."

"I know, but it's still cute. Sorry if I'm being weird but this is the most emotion you've ever shown me, even if the circumstances are awful. I'm happy you're willing to come to me. I thought you hated me."

"'Hate' is a strong word," Leon said, wiping the rest of his face dry. The redhead laughed.

"Can't even give me a little bit of satisfaction?"

"Of course not."

"Right. Silly me," Reno said. A brief silence hung between them.

"I really want to know how Anna could go through all that and just… be healed and walk away from it. That's probably the hardest part to understand. If Midgar has that kind of technology, we should go back home and tell the Technicians and have them come research it," the brunette said.

"Yeah I'm not sure about that one. Maybe that'd be a better question for the Elder or someone who's been around longer than we have."

"Possibly. Was the Elder angry I wasn't at the ceremony tonight?"

"No, I told him Cloud's mom was having the baby."

"Okay."

"You still sound upset. Are you going to be okay?"

"I… yeah. I just want a family so badly… the idea of throwing away one before it even starts is… unthinkable to me. It's scary to think what Cloud will be like being raised in that sort of society. I mean, will he have _any_ respect for women?"

"It's hard to say."

"Believe it or not, Aïr was the most human through all of it and I don't even know if he's Cloud's father. He's not exactly healthy and I don't know how long he'll be around. If he passes and Anna goes to someone else… I think he would've been the only chance at normalcy Cloud would've had. As much as I hate to admit it. Neither of them are high up on my respect list at this point."

"You have to look at it from their perspective though before you discount them. Assuming they were both born into that sort of life, this might be their normal. If you know no other way of life, then why would you think the current one is bad?"

"I suppose. It brings up a good question, though. Why do they think Balamb is so terrible? Is it because they're even crueler or are they just that much different?"

"That's a good point. I'll watch out for some answers for you."

"Yeah. Maybe I should really start paying attention to the news over there."

"Might be a decent place to start," Reno agreed. Leon nodded.

"Anything interesting happening on your end?" he asked.

"Well…" Reno trailed, looking thoughtful. "Rude's dad is renovating a room upstairs and they've been fucking like rabbits."

"…Sorry I asked."

"No no, it's important. I was supposed to come here and wait a couple years before Rude was estimated to be born. It's getting to be around that time, once mom goes through the pregnancy and all that. I'm excited."

"I'm happy for you," the brunette said, though his tone sounded far from it. He was having a difficult time keeping his envy at bay. He felt childish. He did ask, after all.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to brag."

"I know. I'm having a hard time with overall happiness; it's got nothing to do with you."

"Okay…but I'm still glad you came to me."

"Like I have much of a choice."

"Gee, how thoughtful."

"Can't let you win them all," Leon said curtly with a tiny smile in spite of himself.

"I won something?"

"You rationalized it all for me. So yes, you did win a little."

"Oh. Awesome," Reno twittered with a wide smile.

* * *

Leon spent a good portion of the next day spewing the story to the Elder. With a bit of sleep and a warm shower to calm him, he handled it much better. The Elder sat with him and quietly absorbed the entire tale, frowning in all the appropriate places. The Carrier spent as little time as possible explaining the birth process and dwelled on the puzzling healing afterward. When he was finished, the Elder took a minute to mull the information over.

"What you explained to me is commonplace. Especially in places like Balamb," it said. Leon's eyes widened in partial shock.

"Really?" he asked in utter disbelief. The Elder nodded.

"The Lifestream is in everything, you must remember. It is life itself. There are people in this world that can use it to manipulate the elements around them, Balamb being one of the most prevalent in the natural way of doing it. What you described to me sounded much like Midgar's way of manipulation and use of what is called Materia. Materia are sort of like their power plants. Where Balamb takes the energy from the earth to use and gives it back soon after, Materia does it the same way but keeps it locked within itself until it is used. As far as I'm aware, Midgar doesn't rely on the elements as much to fight though; they use brute force and their twisted soldiers. As such, I suspect this 'Captain' was given the privilege to use the Materia versus equipping every soldier with them. It would be a waste to do it otherwise with the death toll."

"But… people in Balamb just do it at will? How… I don't…" Leon trailed stupidly, unable to wrap his head around the concept.

"It takes a lot of training to do it properly without hurting yourself. Healing energy is the most difficult because it is the only kind that transfers. It doesn't return to the earth because the person receiving it holds onto it to use. It stays with them until they die. There are schools that teach the craft. Have you paid close attention to your paperwork?" the Elder asked. Leon furrowed his brows.

"Uh… which part?"

"Did you read anything about Balamb Garden?"

"…I think so. It sounded like some fruity housing development," he blurted. The Elder didn't catch the innuendo.

"It's one of the schools I was talking about."

"So I have to learn how to do this stuff?" Leon asked, his apprehension evident.

"We've tried to teach your kind the skills before and only a few have been able to have any marginal success. We're unsure if it's because you're not from here, or if it's your physical makeup that makes it so much more difficult but we're willing to try and train you. We have a few teachers and scholars here who have the gift, but it may not work with you."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm not trying to be negative, Squall, but your demeanor doesn't lend me to believe otherwise. I've noticed how unresponsive you are during the evening ceremonies and your almost debilitating need to have an explanation and a reason for everything. Which is a good thing from a knowledge standpoint, but you don't give me the impression that you're capable of looking past that and can step into the realm of pure belief. These abilities take a lot of faith in the spirit of this planet and if you can't accept it and move past your doubt, you won't get very far."

"…Oh," Leon deadpanned.

"That's not to say you can't be successful at Balamb Garden. It's a military school regardless of what ability you have and though you may not end up being the most proficient in the craft, your strength will make you a valuable asset anyway. It's something to consider. You have the compassion in you to get upset over a loss of a life that has nothing to do with you. That's part of taking the first step. Life giving energy is the most difficult to master but it's also the most basic, because that's the Lifestream in its simplest form. If you can learn to hang onto that compassion and put it towards everything else, there is hope," the Elder said with a warm smile.

The Carrier didn't know what to think. He had mixed feelings. The desire to know how it all worked was dwarfing his confidence in his ability to let it all slide and take everything at face value. He would have to put aside everything he learned, everything he stressed and lost sleep over, and step into territory he didn't even know existed before coming to Plane 087. Physics, Biology, Chemistry, possibly even some basic Mathematics would all be warped just so he could have the opportunity to try and heal someone with his touch. He was skeptical. His knowledge base and the cold hard logical facts were what helped him keep control of things.

And control was the most important thing.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Augh! This chapter is complete shit.

I'm sorry in advance.

I'm also sorry it took me so long. I have too many excuses, but I would go off on a rant to explain them and no one wants to hear that.

* * *

Chapter 10

There was more to life than work, but Leon had a _very_ difficult time understanding that. Yes, there was family, but that part was directly proportional to the work, so it was a moot point. After his talk with the Elder, he took a while to sit in his room by himself and think. He decided that watching Cloud's parents wasn't a huge necessity since they didn't do much but drugs and have sex. He noticed that Reno didn't seem too concerned about watching Rude's parents and did it only when he had nothing else to do. The only problem with not watching Anna and Aïr was that it left little for the brunette to do otherwise. He was painfully aware of his social awkwardness and the idea of walking amongst the people and making friends was a little daunting. So he stuck with what was familiar.

He tagged along with Reno. Granted, the redhead wasn't his ideal choice, but he was better than nothing. He was still apprehensive about making connections with people that he would have to break when he needed to leave, but the loneliness was eating at him. It was hard to watch people who were obviously so in love with one another and then go back to life without that same comfort; albeit, Anna and Aïr's relationship was strange and a little twisted, but the emotions were real. He couldn't honestly admit to himself that he was going after Cloud like Reno was with Rude, for romance, but at the very least he wanted some companionship, someone to talk and relate to. He had no idea how that one would blow over, seeing as how Cloud had yet to be born.

The news was on and Aïr was diligently watching it like he tended to do. Leon had spent most of his day awkwardly wandering after Reno without much social success and felt the need to retreat into his bedroom and save some face. He was bored. Aïr was boring. Anna had gone somewhere. The Carrier was close to falling sleep when he heard some rather disturbing news from the woman on the television.

"_Soldiers patrolling outside the city's newest training camp discovered an out of place tent that had appeared overnight. Further investigation of the tent lead the soldiers to find two of their own, having homosexual intercourse. The offending men were promptly discharged from their unit, stripped of their citizenship, and taken to the city's borders where they were left to their own devices_," she explained with an extremely straight face, forceful almost. She turned to her side, showing two soldiers behind her. She held the microphone out to them and they jumped at the opportunity to speak.

"_Those disgusting faggots got it easy. Should've killed them and sent them back to Balamb where they probably came from_," one blurted snidely, his eyes glowing the brightest shade of blue Leon had ever seen. His buddy let out an obnoxious twitter before bursting into laughter.

"_They probably couldn't get a woman! Can you imagine?_"

"_Dude, that's pathetic_."

"_It's easier than taking a dump, can't imagine why they'd go for each other._"

"_Like this one_;_ I'll take this one,_" the snide one said, grabbing hold of the reporter's wrist and pulling her closer to himself. "_See? Easy._" Her eyes got big and she tried to back away, but he yanked her to his chest with hardly any effort and tossed the microphone over his shoulder. His friend started laughing again and the impromptu couple started talking, the conversation lost in the background noise the microphone was picking up. The camera started panning around as the person manning it tried to find something else interesting to film, but it ended up back on the pair when the woman started screaming to be freed. The soldier's hands were up her shirt, his face twisted in a particularly fierce sneer. Leon stopped the feed before it could progress any further. The lack of censorship was a little startling, never mind the public raping, but he wasn't completely surprised.

It was depressing. Not only on a 'oh god how awful' standpoint a lot of people feel when they hear a bad story, but the Carrier couldn't even think of a way he'd make friends with someone from there. The only thing that kept him afloat mentally was the possibility that Cloud would be different. Not everyone turned out like their parents, he supposed. Not that he knew anything about parents, but he just assumed. Aïr was a little different, at least. Leon never caught him raping anyone as all his extraneous partners always seemed willing.

A few days passed, and the brunette spent most of that time cooped up in the inn, thinking. He had gone out and acquisitioned himself a pad of paper and a few pens. He was determined to do a bit of soul searching in a very analytical way. Taking the first things that came to mind, he made a series of lists. His likes, his dislikes, his flaws, things he didn't understand, things he was apprehensive about, and things he could easily change, be they about himself or his environment. Having to seriously think about himself and his attitude was a bit of a kick in the pride, but it was enlightening. He found he really regretted not taking more time to figure himself out before he jumped into his studies. He missed a lot.

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly during his next meal with Reno. The redhead stopped with his forkful of leaves halfway jammed into his mouth and stared at him confusedly.

"For what?" he asked.

"For being an ass."

"Oh. Uh, it's okay?" Reno said hesitantly. Leon stayed quiet and continued eating, focusing on his plate. "Can I ask what brought that on?"

"Just thinking. Seeing all the shit Midgar pumps out and how it compares to the dynamic here, and how negative I've been so far when I have no reason to be, just… I don't know. Whatever. Forget I said anything. I don't even know what I'm trying to say."

"No no! Tell me. Seriously. I want to know."

"I ah… just… you're lucky your Charge's parents live somewhere normal. Midgar is awful, and when I think about the people there and the people here, it's really kind of scary how huge the culture gap is. Then I think about myself, and how… well… how I'm myself and I realize that if I put Midgar and the village on either end of a scale, and put myself on there somewhere in between them, I'd probably be more towards the Midgar side than the village side in comparison."

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're nothing like those people."

"Well what is my anti-socialism but another form of bigotry? I'm really struggling with being a part of everything just because it doesn't fit in my retarded mold that I've created for myself. I keep thinking about how you asked about how I found Cloud and whether or not I felt like he was my other half. Well he's not. I don't feel anything about him except 'oh shit, what asinine crap will I have to deal with?' But had I just waited, I might have actually felt something," Leon explained. He nudged his plate aside and leaned forward to rest his face in the crook of his arm on the table. "It makes me feel inhuman."

"So?" Reno said flatly. The brunette looked to him with a scowl.

"What do you mean 'so'? It's not exactly the best thing to feel, thanks for being so considerate," Leon spat.

"Yeah well, what do you want me to do? Baby you? You had a nice revelation about your life so now you have to dwell on your mistakes? Feh. Change if you're that concerned about it. I'm not going to stop you," the redhead said, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

"…Yeah I know I need to."

"Good. Work on it, and I'll be here if you need me. Otherwise, stop bitching. Move past it."

"Geeze, when did you get the authority stick shoved up your ass?"

"I like being happy. Your dumpy expression isn't letting me do that," Reno said grumpily.

"Oh," Leon deadpanned and sat up again. He pulled his plate to himself again and resumed eating. Reno did as well and they held a tense silence between them for the duration of the meal. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Reno said, setting his fork down.

"You're more into the evening ceremonies than I am. Do… do you get anything out of them?" Leon asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he was being rude or not. The redhead looked contemplative for several uneasy minutes.

"I don't know if I get anything out of it like the Shumi do. I still haven't figured out a way to tastefully ask them what the hell is supposed to happen to be sure, but I do feel something. I don't know the words to their songs but I know the tune, and when they sing I can listen and _really_ hear it. Like… in my head, which is weird to say, but I feel like it's more in there than in my ears. It's where I hear the weird screechy whale noise too. Not sure what to think about that one though."

"Do you believe there's more to what they do than they let on?"

"Personally, I do. Part of me wants to say that they're all part of some goofy cult or something, but when I read the books, their stories and their history, it goes so far back that it's almost unreal. Christianity and Judaism, hell, even Paganism aren't even as old as some of their literature says their beliefs are. But, just like the religions we're familiar with, no one can say for absolute certain whether or not these things exist. People who believe don't have an excuse other than their faith, and if theirs is as old as they say it is, I find it hard to believe that so many people can follow it without any evidence having shown up at some point. I'm sure if we asked they'd tell us that everything that happens at the evening ceremonies is evidence of their faith but I don't understand it enough to get what they get. But I do think there's something there."

"Have you figured anything out about Balamb? Or the healing stuff?"

"No. Sorry. I wish I had, I'm curious."

"Damn…" Leon sighed.

"What did the Elder tell you about it?"

"That I wouldn't understand the healing if I couldn't go with pure belief in what they do or something like that. It was a little cryptic, but supposedly there are others in the village that can teach me. I want to try, but this whole religious thing is a bit daunting."

"…No one offered to teach me," Reno said, sounding pouty.

"Maybe it doesn't matter as much if you learn or not. Apparently I can try and learn it for the school I'm supposed to go to in Balamb."

"Hmm…" the redhead hummed, thinking.

"Anyway, thanks for not rubbing my apology in my face."

"Why would I do that?" Reno asked. Leon shrugged.

"My pride told me you probably would."

"Sounds more like an insecurity than pride."

"Why do you say that?"

"Pride, to me, is what you have when you don't give a damn about what people think or do in response to whatever you do. Confidence goes hand-in-hand with that I suppose, but having pride in yourself and what you do is probably the first stepping stone. The confidence part is what everyone else sees. Maybe I'm mixing words up, but I don't think pride is a bad thing to have."

"I suppose I can agree with that."

"Are you proud of yourself then? Do you really have pride?" Reno asked, serious faced. Leon thought about it for a moment.

"No. I'm not proud of myself. I have nothing to show for my effort. Yeah, I can study and fuck around test tubes, but I understand there's more to it than that. I… don't have any people close to me."

"Well what about the others at your facility?"

"I don't feel close to them. I didn't feel like I'd miss them when I left. I still don't. Not much, anyway," the brunette said, focusing on the wood grain of the table in front of him. Reno gave him a small withering smile that he didn't see.

"I forget you're a lot younger than I am, sometimes."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well you talk like you're so much more mature than you are, just going on your terms and language skills, but you're still _really_ inexperienced in a _ton_ of the things you need in order to live happily."

"Thanks for kicking me while I'm down," Leon sighed sarcastically, looking up through his bangs and giving the redhead a glare. Reno laughed a little.

"It's true though. You can't get everything you need out of a textbook. If you haven't gone out and done anything aside from all that, then you're not experienced. When it comes time to leave the village and go out and find Cloud, I encourage you to go out and just… do shit. You're allowed to have a life before him, you know."

"Maybe… are you going to do the same before you find Rude?"

"Probably not much, but I'm not the one who's never left the proverbial nest."

"Oh really? I don't believe you could've done much more than I could've, even if I did have siblings."

"You think?" Reno said, a sly curl tugging up the corner of his mouth in a smirk. "I never said I was a virgin, or a homosexual, or tied to my facility, or even my dome. I never said I was an angel. Just because I'm excited for Rude and running my project, it doesn't mean that the previous twenty-five years were spent holed up in my bedroom reading."

"…_Oh_," Leon clipped, looking off to the side.

"I'm actually not proud of a lot of the stuff I did. I broke a lot of rules and got in a lot of trouble with a lot of people. Pissed off my family a good deal, was chased around by Technicians some, and tossed in quarantine a few times. My only regret is that I have enemies now. Not a lot, but some. It'll be hard to admit that stuff to Rude, but I plan on it."

"What all did you do?" the brunette asked. Reno stayed quiet before he gave a short laugh, a quick huff of air through his nostrils.

"Honestly? I don't feel comfortable sharing it with you."

"I see."

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Well… if you can work on yourself a little, maybe we can be friends enough to where I will share. But not right now."

"Okay," the brunette said. There was a small pause as he let the words sink in before he stiffly stood from his seat and took their plates into the kitchen proper and rinsed them. He was getting tired of all the unknowns and unanswered questions, but Reno had made many good points that he couldn't ignore.

Leon had a bit of growing up to do.

* * *

The brunette sincerely hoped no one would think he was insane, or being disrespectful. After the next evening ceremony, he milled about quietly while the crowd dissipated and the village went to sleep. Reno eventually left him as well. Once he was alone, Leon sat close to the blackened glass dome in the center of the cathedral and watched it. He wasn't expecting anything amazing to happen, or to get anything out of it, but he persisted, and sat quietly with an empty mind, trying to see if he could understand its significance.

He had tried to follow along during the ceremony, but nothing came of it. To him, it was the same thing with his eyes closed as it was with them open, and the songs were just as confusing. The concept of prayer was lost on him. He still didn't feel like he should worship or hold 'Eden' on high like the rest of the people seemed to. Whoever Eden was. He was pretty sure that's what the planet itself was called, regardless. Whether or not the 'spirit' of it was called 'Eden,' he couldn't say. He would have to remember to ask someone later.

After sitting for over an hour, and getting nothing, he decided to leave. He was forcing himself to be patient, but it nagged him with how difficult it was for him. He felt like he was trying to convert himself to a religion he didn't believe in or understand. He wasn't even sure he wanted to go that far, either. Floods of uncertainties and questions crowded into his mind as he walked, and he stopped himself to take a deep breath and let it all go. He was tired of dwelling.

"Are you alright?" a soft and quiet voice piped from behind him. He startled and turned around quickly. The Shumi before him he recognized as the Bead Maker. The masters of the various crafts in the village, the ones that taught them to others, were often referred to by a title, versus a name. Even in common conversation the title persisted, leading Leon to believe they didn't have a regular name to begin with. He had never had an extended conversation with the Bead Maker, but it was one of the mellower Shumis and sat in the back of its market stand with its pupils and quietly made the beads everyone else used to make other things with, just as the title said.

"I'm fine," he said quickly.

"You seem lost."

"No, I know where I am," he insisted. The Bead Maker smiled and laughed quietly under its breath.

"I meant like you were thinking too hard about something."

"Oh." The Carrier shrugged. "I think a lot."

"What about, if I can pry a little?" the Shumi asked, stepping closer to him. Leon fidgeted, the air becoming awkward.

"Far too much to explain in one night," he said. The Bead Maker nudged his arm gently and motioned for them to keep walking. The Carrier obliged, but hesitantly. He wasn't prepared to get into a lengthy conversation about his problems.

"The Elder told me that I may be needed in the near future, to act as your mentor for when you prepare to leave for your school."

"Mentor for what, exactly?"

"The craft."

"Oh… the stuff with the Lifestream?"

"Yes."

"I haven't gotten very far with trying to convince myself to let go of everything I know, I'm afraid."

"The Elder said it would be an obstacle, yes," the Shumi said, heading down a path towards one of the deltas versus the other direction towards the inn. Leon stiffly walked after it, confused. They stopped at the tiny pond at the end of the stream. The Bead Maker went to the bank and crouched down to look in the water. Leon waited off to the side, feeling anxious.

"Should I be doing something?" he asked. The Shumi shook its head.

"For most, stepping into the realm of belief and faith is difficult if they've never been exposed to it before. They may be aware of it, but to truly experience what the faithful do, it takes a great amount of effort. It's made easier when something happens to them that they cannot explain. So far, I don't get the impression that you've ever had something like that. What we've shown you already is forgettable if you're not willing to take it for what it's worth. Would you say that's a fair assessment?"

"I suppose."

"Glad you agree," the Shumi said, reaching forward. It pulled its hands from its elongated sleeves and stuck its wiggly fingers in the water. A pale green circle etched itself in the ground around its feet. As the line was made, several shining blue and violet orbs popped up from the earth and drifted into the air before dissipating. The strange lights and lines disappeared quickly, the whole show having lasted barely a second. The Bead Maker stood again, taking its hands out of the water. With them, it brought a globe of water with a fish floating inside. The liquid sloshed and wiggled around, but it stayed in a general circular shape as the Shumi walked it over to the Carrier and held it out for him to see. The fish seemed content enough in its bubble and Leon stared at it, speechless.

"I don't…" he trailed quietly, looking around the globe and under the Shumi's hands. He stuck a finger in the water and pulled it out again. The globe retained it shape and his skin came away wet, as it should have.

"It would make fishing a lot easier if you could do this, yes?"

"Yeah…" Leon said, voice shocked and hardly above a whisper. His brain had fried itself trying to understand and he just stood there, stupidly staring at the fish. "I'm… confused."

"I expected you would be."

"How did you learn?" he asked. The Bead Maker stepped to the stream and set the globe back in the water. The fish swam away, unharmed. It replaced its sleeves over its hands.

"The same way everyone does. I was taught by someone else who knew how."

"Is… do… augh," Leon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "This is too much."

"Is it really that overwhelming?"

"It is when you spent so much time and energy learning things. Everything in my world abides by the basic rules that I learned, and if something changes, we learn how it fits in the rules. Everything I've been taught was just thrown out the window. I sort of feel like it was a giant waste of time to learn it all. I didn't think this place would be _that_ different," the Carrier sighed.

"I apologize. Your reaction is understandable. The others before you had similar ones. I urge you to move past it though, if you have the desire to learn. You have time."

"How do I start?" Leon asked, feeling a little like he was pleading with the Shumi.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. I don't know you as well as you know yourself, so I don't know all that is stopping you from believing. Think on it. Take some time to absorb it all. If you want to speak to me about moving forward once you're alright again, you know where my stall is in the market," the Bead Maker said with a small smile. Leon nodded deftly and the Shumi left quietly, heading back towards the village.

He sat on the bank of the stream and stuck his feet in the water. He thought back to when Zack was quizzing him on the elemental opposites, and could understand why it was important to know them, finally. Before, he couldn't get why he had to care. But beyond that, Zack didn't know anything. Leon wished he had someone else other than Reno to talk to; someone like Zack or Tifa who knew him better and could help take some of his anxiety away. Why he was so shaken, so scared to even give it a try, he didn't know. That was probably more frightening than the idea of actually going out and doing it.

He felt a bit silly for letting it get to him so much. In the end, he would be returning home, and things would fall back into place again. He would have a better grasp at everything there, and the exposure to the new things of Plane 087 he could chalk up to life experience. Good stories for the grandkids, anyway. It was logical to focus on what was in front of him instead of the whole picture. It was illogical to think he could consider everything at all times and not get overwhelmed. Then it dawned on him. He was anxious, because he was overwhelmed, not necessarily fearful. He took a deep breath, feeling a bit better now that he had rationalized his feelings. Between the Shumi customs, their religious acts and capabilities, and everything he had seen from Midgar, he agreed with himself that it was okay for him to feel the way he did.

He wasn't losing control; he just had to focus on the important things.

* * *

When Rude's mother discovered that she was pregnant, Reno became an insatiable mass of touchy-feely giddiness that made Leon _extremely_ uncomfortable. He locked himself in his bedroom to avoid the redhead's bone crushing hugs and constant excited chattering about cute things and babies. He agreed that babies were nice, but after three days of hearing about it, he was fed up. But Reno stopped after a few days and things calmed down back to its disjointed normalcy. Leon was getting concerned that he wasn't hearing anything about Anna's pregnancy, or at least, when she was ordered to be pregnant by.

One thing was for certain though, Aïr's health was failing. The man was starting to stay in bed all day instead of moving to the couch in front of the television. Not every day, but if he woke up and didn't start moving right away, it was a safe bet he was staying where he was. The massive discoloration on his leg had crept its way up onto his torso, stopping in the middle of his ribcage and was spreading around that general area versus continuing upward. As a result, his breathing was impaired. Leon was willing to bet the man was functioning with only one lung, if not even less. Anna stayed with him as much as she could, while still taking care of the house and herself. Their Mako use slowed, which was probably the only good thing, but so did the sex, which was bad.

After several months, a man showed up at their door unexpectedly. He looked less like a soldier and more like a scientist with how much white he was wearing, but he had the same crest on his jacket that the military used. Two regular soldiers were with him, both of which looked to be incredibly young; each probably less than twenty years old. Anna was surprised to see them, but her expression grew worrisome when she realized who they were. They pushed themselves inside without much of a greeting.

"I'm here for your checkup," the man in white said.

"Checkup?" Anna asked, trying to sound surprised. The man's expression turned sarcastic and he rolled his eyes.

"You can't be serious. Are you really that ignorant?"

"No… but I don't know if I'm pregnant or not. I haven't checked yet this month," the woman defended, her posture timid. The man stuck his hand in the pocket of his coat and pulled out a small device that looked to Leon like a cross between a diabetes blood sugar meter and an oximeter.

"Give me your hand," he ordered and held out his own. Anna held out hers to him, and he turned it over to use the device to scan her barcode. It beeped, he watched its little screen for a second, then pressed a button on its side. Something poked out the top of it and he jabbed the woman in the palm with it, a needle apparently. Anna squeaked as a bead of blood bubbled up into her palm. The man pushed another button, the needle went back in, and was it replaced by an absorbent strip that he stuck in the blood. Once a sufficient amount was sucked up, the device beeped again, he let go of her hand, and watched the screen again. Anna went to rinse her palm in the sink.

"Well?" one of the soldiers asked, peeking over the man's shoulder. He shook his head.

"She's not. Go ahead," he said plainly. Anna's expression turned fearful and she looked over her shoulder at them.

"But I already have someone," she said.

"And obviously he's not fulfilling his role, now is he?" the man in white questioned impatiently.

"He's not well…"

"Even more of a reason to take care of things, then."

"But… I don't…"

"You don't what? Don't want to? Well, that's fine, I can take your citizenship papers then and you can leave. I won't stop you. This city doesn't need disobedience, and can find more willing souls elsewhere. Have a good time in Balamb," he said snidely.

"No! I…"

"Your only obligation to this country is to produce soldiers. You have complete freedom otherwise. I don't understand why the women of this country feel that it's that difficult. The men are the ones going out and fighting for all the freedoms we give you, risking their lives every day just so you can live comfortably and freely, however you like. It's unfair to ask them to do it all for nothing. If you can't fulfill your purpose, well, then they're just fighting a senseless war, now aren't they? May as well go back a hundred and fifty years to the way things used to be. Do you want that?" he asked, stepping closer to the woman, whose expression was turning absolutely guilt ridden.

"No…" she said quietly, watching the floor. "Can't we just have a little more time though?" she asked. Her answer was a quick backhand across the face, the force of which made her stagger.

"Do not try to circumvent my authority by begging. You do as I say, or you leave. Understood?" he said sternly. Anna, eyes wet and glistening, nodded silently and made her way to the door into her bedroom. She stuck her face into the room, peeking at Aïr.

"Aïr… I…" she stammered.

"I heard it all. It's fine," he clipped in response, his back to her. His expression was blank, unfeeling, and his words were empty and flat. Anna sniffled and closed the door again. The man in white looked to the two soldiers, gave them a nod, and headed for the front door as they made their way towards the woman.

Leon stopped the feed before they even got to her and closed his computer. He could assume what happened next, and it sent a sharp pang through his chest to think about it. He sighed as he mulled the man in white's words over. It was clear to him that Anna and Aïr lived in the capitol city of Midgar, which was conveniently named 'Midgar' as well, but the demographics were a little blurry still. Going by what Reno had told him, Gongaga was technically part of Midgar's territory, and obviously Rude's parents weren't pressured for soldier production like the people in the capitol were. So it made Leon wonder, were these laws limited to just the capitol? Or did other cities and territories have them, and just not Gongaga? He really wished he had the internet or something to tell him. It seemed like an easy enough topic to find. Regardless of the fine details, he didn't like the situation at all.

He started watching the couple again, after giving them an hour to themselves. The soldiers and the man in white were gone, and Aïr was sitting up in bed with Anna pressed into his chest. She clung to him, sobbing and naked, her back covered in welts and scratches. Whether or not she put up some resistance or the soldiers were just that rough with her, Leon couldn't decide, but it made him feel better to believe she at least _tried_ to defend herself. He wasn't okay with complete submission.

"Leon?" Reno's voice piped from the other side of his door. The brunette pushed himself out of his bed and opened it for him and went back to sit.

"What do you need?" he asked. The redhead furrowed his brows and stepped in the room.

"Who's crying?" he asked, completely ignoring Leon's inquiry.

"Anna."

"Why?"

"Because she's a baby factory."

"Uh…"

"She was raped."

"Fuck."

"Yep."

"You sound unconcerned. That scares me."

"Oh I'm plenty concerned. Just… numb. It's really awful to say, but I'm sort of used to it, even if it hurts every time it happens," Leon said, folding his legs and setting his computer on them. Reno came and sat next to him and peeked at the screen with a frown.

"Where do they live? A warehouse?"

"No, that's just the way their house always looks. They're in the capitol."

"Ick. That place is gross," Reno said, scrunching his face up in disdain.

"I know. The whole place is depressing."

"Well no wonder you're dumpy all the time. I would be too if I had to watch that shit," the redhead scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. He squinted at the screen for a second and leaned closer. "What is on that guy's stomach?" he asked.

"Geostigma. At least I think it is. No one's actually said what it is, but I'm fairly confident in that assumption."

"Oh. Ew. He looks moldy."

"You know, I understand you're trying to make light of the situation and joke around, but it's sort of insulting and I'm not even the one you're talking about."

"Sorry."

"Just tone it down. I'm not really in the mood."

"Understandable."

"Anyway, what did you want?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to say 'hi.' I didn't see you hardly at all today."

"Oh. Hi," Leon clipped, his patience waning.

"The evening ceremony is soon, did you want to go together?" Reno asked, watching the brunette's flat expression carefully.

"That's fine," Leon responded with a slight monotone. He stopped the feed and closed his computer again and set it aside. Reno furrowed his brows together as the other Carrier's expression stayed blank and stony. He put his hand on Leon's shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm just really tired of Midgar's 'culture.' It's a repetitive cycle, and I can't see the end of it."

"Well… how long do you have until Cloud is supposed to come?"

"A few years still. It was stupid of me to think he would be early. I sort of kicked myself in the balls with that one."

"Yeah a little, but I understand that desire. I wish Rude would get here already."

"I'm aware," Leon snorted with a wry smirk. "At this point, the wait just means I get to watch Anna go through a couple more awful pregnancies before we get to the important part. I'm really not looking forward to it."

"You don't _have_ to watch."

"I know. But I don't want to miss anything that might matter later on."

"I see. I don't know what to tell you, then."

"You don't have to say anything. It's just the way it is," Leon said. Reno patted his back a few times before standing.

"Anyway, let's get you out and away from all the negativity," he said, forcing his tone to sound happier. Leon nodded and followed him out of the room. The redhead had finally learned how to walk down the narrow staircase without hurting himself, and they were at the cathedral quickly. The people were already milling about and socializing with one another. The brunette found it easier to find distinctions between the individuals now that had been there a while, and could pick out a few familiar faces and put names to them. One of which was the Bead Maker, who saw him and quickly made its way over.

"Good evening Squall," it said with a smile. Leon gave it a tiny one in return. "I'm going to try and help you today."

"Help me with what?"

"Your experience with the ceremony."

"Oh… was I doing it wrong or something?" he asked confusedly. The Bead Maker laughed.

"Maybe a little, but you'll understand what I mean if I can help any. I'm not sure I can, but it won't hurt to try."

The Elder made its way to the front of the congregation and everyone sat, as was the routine. It said its nightly speech, adding another day to the count of how many the people have been gathering, and asked about new business. There was nothing to report; there rarely was. The Bead Maker sat across from the russet Carrier as the ceremony began. It wrapped its huge noodle hands around his, completely engulfing them as the singing started. Leon tried not to focus on how weird and icy the Shumi's skin felt against his and closed his eyes like he was supposed to. He could hear Reno humming next to him and listened closely to the tune and the words he didn't understand. He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to be doing.

Shortly after the ceremony went into full swing, Leon could feel his hands becoming substantially warmer, sweat worthy even. The singing seemed to get louder just before the ethereal whale squealing started. When it did, it was much louder than all of the previous ceremonies had been and Leon scowled, but kept his eyes closed. His vision lightened, like someone had come along and shined a light through his eyelids. His skin broke out in goosebumps and he shivered even though he felt impossibly warm.

Thin greenish stings, the Lifestream, drifted into his line of sight and curled around and around, billowing upwards and forming into a semi-discernable figure. It looked like a woman, but it was distant and blurry. It was just an outline, a squiggly outline, and hardly anything substantial, be he could see it. As the otherworldly howling continued and grew turbulent, the figure started crumbling apart piece by piece. Leon could hear some of the Shumi start crying, as they did every evening, as the figure fell onto a surface that he couldn't see. Its disintegrating body was dragged upwards by an invisible force, the whale-like wailing morphing into a melancholic and desperate cry. The people grew more and more upset as the figure faded, being forcibly yanked up and out of sight.

The howling stopped abruptly, the vision cleared, Leon's sight grew back to normal and aside from the sniffling and sobbing of the people around him, it was quiet. He peeled his eyes open timidly, unsure if he was supposed to, and saw the Bead Maker watching him, its face completely drenched in tears. It gave him a small wobbly smile.

"Did you see?" it asked quietly. Leon, unable to think of anything to say, gave it a tiny nod. The Bead Maker's smile widened, but its expression was still mourning.

"What did I see?" he asked confusedly, once he could get his voice to work. The Shumi let go of his hands and took a deep breath.

"Midgar started up another power plant somewhere. They most likely took another city."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Yaaaaay! My computer is all better! :D

* * *

Chapter 11

"You know, I've come to realize that you got to keep your name when we crossed over. Care to explain that one to me?" Leon asked grumpily, giving Reno a small glare from across the dinner table. The redhead stopped mid-chew and quirked a brow.

"Wellth mithth—"

"Please don't spew foodstuffs at me," the brunette sighed. Reno swallowed his mouthful of salad before trying again.

"Right. Well, my cousin Andrea is good friends with Aqua. So she was able to get her to do my paperwork instead of letting Xemnas do it. They use a random word generator to pick a name, so like someone could end up with _Snot_ written on their paperwork and it would've been fine with them. I'm really happy I didn't have to go through that. Sucks to be you, though," the redhead chuckled. Leon was not amused.

"That's not even fair."

"Eh, I guess," Reno said with a shrug. "Are you going to have Cloud call you 'Leon' then?"

"It'd probably be really hard to explain why there's a difference. Everyone else would be calling me 'Squall' and stuff but… whatever. I'll let him call me whatever he wants to and fuck him over when we get home and change it."

"So charming. Already plotting to mess with him. I like it. It's a bold plan."

"No doubt he'd be confused to hell and back anyway once we get there. What's one more detail?"

"How do you figure?"

"Well if he's uneducated, the chances of him understanding _anything_ over there are pretty nonexistent. Hopefully he's a quick study. I really don't want to be a father figure to him. That's just weird."

"You think? If you don't plan on romancing him, then why couldn't you be a father figure to him? Or at least a guardian of some sort. Mentor. Whatever. Words," Reno blurted, waving a dismissive hand while he tripped over his language.

"I don't know what I want from him yet. So until I decide that, I'd rather not plan for something. Also, I really can't rationalize instantaneous love when it comes to a picture. I need to know what he's like."

"I totally love Rude already. If not for him personally, but for the idea that he's mine whether he knows and/or likes it or not. I'm determined to take him with me, or die trying."

"That's… extremely possessive."

"Yep. And I'm okay with it," Reno said with a wide smile. "I looked for him for a _long_ time, went through _thousands_ of profiles, so I am one hundred percent certain we're going to be great together."

"…I'm not really sure what to say to that. Did you look for men specifically?"

"No. I didn't. But shortly after I chose him, I realized it's probably better that he is male. It's a lot easier to get along with someone in an alien environment when the experience is pleasurable. I'd have a hard time with the ethics behind convincing a woman to follow me, only to have her find out that I need to jab a bunch of needles in her in order to get what we need for the project. And no way am I going to settle for hair or skin samples. That shit's too unstable. So 'jerk off in this cup' sounds way better than 'hang on, I'll get the javelin' when you think about it."

"Javelin?"

"Have you _seen_ the needles some of the women use? Holy fuck. They make my testicles creep up into my chest cavity in fear."

Silence.

"Okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration," Reno laughed. "But seriously, those things are massive."

"I don't think they're all that big," Leon said. The redhead gaped at him.

"Are you serious? They're like six inches long!"

"…I think we're thinking about different needles."

"I'm talking about the ones they stab into ovaries to suck eggs out."

"Oh. Yeah, those are huge, but I was talking about IV ones. I've never seen the other ones used before. Tifa doesn't work with her eggs very often."

"Good. Don't go near them. They make my skin crawl, eugh…" Reno said, shivering a bit and scrunching his face up. He shoved his plate away from himself. "I don't even want to eat anymore."

"I'm sorry?" Leon questioned, popping another cube of fish in his mouth. Reno gave him a sarcastic glare.

* * *

Aïr passed away around six months into Anna's next pregnancy. The morning started off like any other, with the woman getting up first and going about her business before waking him up. But when he didn't stir, the panic was immediate. She shook him, quietly trying to wake him as tears sprung from her eyes without much warning. She called his name over and over again, each time growing more frantic than the previous until she couldn't say it anymore and gave up, buried her face in his chest and heaved wailing incoherent sobs that shook her entire body.

The evening before that hadn't been much different than the norm. He was alert and talking, they laughed a bit together, and carried on like they normally did. The only difference was that he could hardly move. The extra six months of deterioration didn't do him any favors, and by the time he died, almost half of his body was covered in infectious tissue. He didn't eat as much, didn't move more than necessary, and couldn't do anything for himself. But Anna had been right there and more than willing to do it all for him. Leon liked to think his death was peaceful.

The Carrier had no idea how long the couple had been together. Or for that matter, how old either of them was. They never had any family to visit, or many friends to see. It was just them, in their dilapidated little house, engrossed in one another all day every day. Aïr was Anna's entire world, as far as Leon knew, and her hysterics proved it as she climbed back in bed with him and cradled his face against her chest, her face hidden in his hair. She stayed there for almost the entire day without anyone to talk to or comfort her. She also slept next to him that night. It wasn't until two days after his death that she left the house to find someone to help her, and even then, she was distant.

He didn't have a funeral or a proper burial for anyone to attend. A group of people simply showed up at the house and carried him off while Anna sat on the sidelines sobbing. Afterward, she went to bed, and stayed there for another two days. She didn't eat, or bathe. Leon was concerned, though he could understand her feelings. She was still pregnant when it was all said and done, and he didn't want to think she would be okay with giving birth to a sickly child simply because she was too depressed to take care of herself. He actually considered asking the Elder if he could take a trip to see her, just so he could lend an ear. Her isolation was worrisome.

But before he could move forward with any unreasonable planning, she started eating again and keeping herself clean. She left the house as she normally did, to go the market or wherever, but she didn't talk to anyone. She kept her eyes low and expression empty, trying to disappear as much as possible. Her nights were spent mourning, hugging Aïr's pillow to her face and waiting for the tears to put her to sleep. It lasted weeks. The constant cycle of isolation, mourning, and anti-socialism reminded him too much of himself and after a while, he just stopped watching. He went a few days of leaving her alone and came back without much change.

Rude was born late into Anna's pregnancy. Leon didn't see Reno very much for almost a week afterward, as the redhead was glued to his computer for nearly every second he could be. It was a bittersweet time for the brunette. He was happy for Reno and sort of happy his obnoxious jabber was sated, but Anna's depressing situation made Leon's desire for companionship just a bit more apparent. He didn't feel comfortable dumping his woes on the Shumi populace. They weren't even his woes to begin with, technically, and he felt strange for being affected so much. It confused him when he sat and thought about his feelings seriously. He didn't have any intention on meeting Anna face-to-face, so why did he feel so connected? He was pretty sure if he watched a worm for the same amount of time he had been watching her, he wouldn't give two damns about it and would probably go fishing with it.

Things compounded themselves when it was time for Anna to give birth again. This time though, she didn't go to the hospital like she was supposed to. The only reason either of them found out that she was supposed to be there is when people showed up at the house to come take her. It was the same Captain that was there for her first pregnancy, followed by two different soldiers. Another scientist-looking man was with them and they pushed their ways inside without giving the woman any warning. She had been sitting in front of the television and was on her feet quickly in surprise. The Captain stepped to her and grabbed her wrist.

"You missed your induction, is there a problem?" he asked angrily, his eyes boring a hole into the woman's forehead. She stared up at him with her mouth hanging open uselessly.

"I… forgot. A lot has happened…"

"Where is your man? Is he too ignorant to remember a schedule for you?" the Captain barked and looked around the room. Anna's eyes dropped to the floor, tears automatically welling up and dripping off her cheeks.

"He's gone," she whispered, sniffling. The man looked at her, and his expression softened just enough to make him look civil. He sighed.

"Alright fine. Come on. You still have an appointment to keep," he said flatly and tugged her towards the door. Leon's camera skittered after him and clung to the bottom hem of his pant leg and held on tight.

Everyone piled into a small car that had been parked in the middle of the road just outside. It was nondescript and plain; hardly anything Leon would've expected a government vehicle to look like. Anna sat in the back, wiping her face dry and keeping her gaze low. One of the soldiers sat next to her and she tried to scrunch herself up against the side of the car as much as she could. He sat far too close to her and her discomfort was immediate. He stretched his arm across the back of the seat behind her and reached around to her opposite shoulder. He nudged her none too gently and practically forced her to lean against him. She did so stiffly, trying to keep herself safe, but still resisted as much as possible. She didn't look at him, and the bottom half of her body was as far away from his as she could get it while her shoulder just barely leaned against his side.

The trip to the hospital was significantly quicker this time around, much to Leon's relief. Anna stayed quiet the entire time while her impromptu escort kept her in place. He helped her from the car, held the door for her, and walked next to her all the way to the room where she was to be induced. It was exactly the same as the previous room, and the scientist-looking man departed as soon as they made it. Again, the Captain pulled out his tiny handheld device and looked over her paperwork while they waited for the nurse and doctor. Anna sat on the bed quietly. Her escort sat in the chair Aïr had sat in before. The other soldier stood dutifully by the door.

"So you are by yourself then?" the Captain asked abruptly, shattering the awkward silence. Anna looked to him and nodded quietly. "Unless you have someone else that's willing to assist you, I will put you on the rotation roster."

_The what?_ Leon asked himself.

"I don't have anyone else, no," she said.

"I'll do it," the soldier in the chair volunteered. Anna's attention snapped back to him, eyes wide.

"But I don't want—"

"That will work. Fine," the Captain agreed and poked away at his tiny device. Anna looked like she wanted to protest but hesitated before closing her mouth and looking down at the floor. The volunteer leaned over the arm of the chair and stuck his face into her line of vision.

"Did you want me to come to you? Or did you want to stay with me?" he asked. She looked away.

"It doesn't matter," she said flatly.

"It'd be more convenient if you stay with me. Plus, it'd get you out of that dump," he said nonchalantly, sitting up in his chair again. Her expression was blank, unfeeling, but she nodded. He smiled. "Good."

The nurse and the doctor came in shortly after their exchange and the horrendous birthing process started all over again. Anna was stripped of her pants, stabbed with a needle, and bled for a good half hour before the child was born. Leon had to search and search for the option to mute the audio when her screaming started, and looked away from the screen through most of it. He hated it. He still couldn't fathom how much pain she must have been going through, but it was quicker than the first time around, thankfully. The Captain took the child and inspected it again as it wailed away. He shook his head, and handed it off to the soldier at the door.

"Burn it," he said with a deep sigh. The soldier left quietly. The Captain turned to the soldier in the chair. "Hopefully you can do better. Don't disappoint me."

"I don't plan to, sir," the soldier said. The Captain nodded and stepped to Anna. He hovered his hand over her face again, pressed one of the Materia on his bangle in and spun it around again. Leon watched closely as the woman was healed, but he couldn't pick out a clue as to how it worked. He was left in the dark again, confused. Anna sat up and went to clean herself off in the bathroom, her posture sagging. The doctor left and the nurse cleaned the bed. The Captain typed away on his device with a grumpy scowl.

_I wonder if they even understand how genetics work_, Leon asked himself. So far, when a girl was born, it was apparently up to the man in the relationship to make sure it didn't happen again. But that's not how things work. No one has direct control over a natural birth. Knowing much more than they did about the subject bothered the Carrier greatly. He was concerned about the quality of aftercare if a boy is born. Was it even adequate? And for that matter, what happens once a boy_ is_ born? Does the government still take away the girls that happen afterward? If they do, where do the extra women come from? So many questions, so few answers.

Anna came back and got dressed once she was clean. The group left together and filed back into the vehicle. Leon couldn't allow himself to get upset anymore. He felt it; the loss of another perfectly healthy life was there, but in order to keep himself sane, he purposefully forced himself to forget about it. There was nothing he could do to change it and he knew it, but it didn't make it any less painful. Anna didn't seem to register what was going on. She was blank and hollow looking. Her eyes were unfocused and stony as she stared ahead of herself.

She exited the vehicle quietly when they rolled to a stop in front of her dumpy little house. Leon was prepared to stop the feed and let her be blank and unfeeling by herself but he stopped when he realized the volunteer soldier was following her inside. The car left them both there, and Leon's heart fell into the pit of his stomach when he realized what was probably going to happen. He was torn between watching and figuring it out and turning it off and saving himself the stress.

"My name is Samael," the soldier said as he closed the front door behind himself.

"Annaicé," Anna replied dully and sat on the sofa again.

"Do you have anything you want to take with you before we leave here? I wouldn't worry about clothing or your toothbrush and things. Can't be very clean anyway," the soldier said, looking around. Leon shuddered as he remembered his camera's natural insect look-alikes roaming the floors and walls of the hovel. He was sort of happy Anna was leaving there if for that reason alone. The woman nodded and went into the bedroom. She wasn't in there but a minute before she reemerged with a book Leon had never seen before. She hugged it to her chest and approached Samael quietly.

"This is it," she said.

_Leaving so soon?_ the Carrier questioned. They were there hardly ten minutes.

"You're sure?" he asked. She nodded, eyes low. "You don't seem very thrilled about leaving. I would think you'd be happy to live elsewhere."

"It doesn't have anything to do with this house. Or leaving it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't love you."

"I don't love you either, but I'm sure you'd prefer to not be put on the rotation roster. Or do you want to? Have a new man visit you every other day to make sure you don't fall by the wayside and shirk your responsibilities?"

"No…"

"Then I consider myself generous for offering you an outlet."

"…Yes," Anna said hesitantly. "I just… didn't want anyone else yet."

"Unfortunately you don't have an option. Not unless you want to lose your citizenship."

"I know," she sighed. Samael stepped to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"You'll be better off there than here. I'm sure of it."

* * *

Try as he might, Leon couldn't get much more out of the evening ceremonies than what he already had. In fact, the only time he could get _anything_ was with the Bead Maker's assistance. He couldn't get the visions to come by himself, even though he tried to let them in as best as he thought he could. After months and months of trying, he stopped. He figured if he was supposed to have them, he would, otherwise he would focus his energy elsewhere. The Bead Maker seemed to understand. It tried to help him let go of his doubts surrounding everything, but Leon's stubborn logical side stuck to him like glue, making the journey extremely difficult.

"What do you see when you see a flower?" the Bead Maker asked him one day as they sat together in one of the thickets of wildflowers. They were just a short distance away from the fields where Reno helped the farmers cultivate their crops. The redhead was making himself extremely useful by using his Primal form to tug a plow through the dirt instead of letting the people dig it out by hand.

"Color, its different parts, petals and leaves and stuff," Leon answered blandly, reaching forward to feel the petals of red daisy-looking flower in front of him. Its pistils were purple and blue, making him wonder just what kind of flower it was.

"That's it?" the Shumi questioned.

"Is there something more to it than that?"

"Well… when I see a flower, or any plant, I see life and vivaciousness. I see the Lifestream and I can see how delicate it is. Nurturing it and treating it with respect is another way you could probably connect yourself with Eden and maybe, with time, she will come to you as willingly as she does to us."

"So… do you want me to help in the fields?" Leon asked. The Bead Maker shrugged.

"I'm sure the farmers would appreciate that, or you can do something smaller and for yourself."

"Like?"

"Start a little garden."

"What purpose would that serve? I get what you're saying about the connection to Eden and everything but I don't feel very confident that a flower box is going to solve anything."

"Why so cynical?" the Shumi asked with a frown. The Carrier heaved a sigh.

"Because it's pointless for me to try and force something that isn't going to happen. I don't know what the problem is exactly, but it's obviously me. Whether it's because I'm not from here or because I'm not following in a sort of blind faith, I don't know, but I'm going nowhere fast regardless. I've tried, I really have, I'm just so tired of failing and all the negativity I'm surrounded with. I almost need a change in scenery. Like I need to leave. Or at least do something else for a couple days."

"You want to leave?"

"I don't know what I want exactly, but there's just so much… weight on me," the Carrier sighed and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly.

"Too many worries, you mean."

"I suppose."

"Perhaps I can help. If you'll allow me to prepare and get permission, we can travel together to somewhere where you can relax. Perhaps you're right. The redundancy can get to you if you're not used to it."

"You're serious? We can go somewhere?"

"Yes, though I'm afraid it won't be horribly exciting or an enjoyable journey to get there. And it's not very far; we can be back in a day."

"Why do you say it won't be enjoyable?"

"Well outside of the surface dome is nothing but snow."

"Oh," Leon deadpanned. He wasn't one for the cold.

"But like I said, I can prepare, and get permission. I will keep in touch and let you know when we can leave."

"…Alright," the Carrier agreed. He wasn't sure about leaving and having to trudge through the snow, but going somewhere for a change sounded nice. He was curious and wanted to ask _where_ they were going, but he sort of wanted it to be a surprise too. The Bead Maker smiled and patted his shoulder before standing and taking its leave. Leon sat amongst the flowers, thinking.

* * *

The brunette couldn't decide if he liked Samael or not. The circumstances that brought him and Anna together were baffling, but based solely on a personality standpoint, he seemed okay. His house wasn't all that big, nor was it lavish, but it was a far cry from the dumpy shack Anna once had. It was plain, had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a wall between the kitchen and the main living space. The carpet was in need of a good vacuuming, but it was there and substantial. The walls were painted and seemed clean. The furnishings were basic and relatively boring, and aside from the obvious young bachelor cleaning habits (that is to say, the lack of them), it was normal and Leon was okay with that. His camera would look a little out of place if he didn't lay low enough though.

Not only was the house better, the area surrounding it was much more civil looking. They had walked and walked and walked, and ended up several miles outside of the ghetto in a neighborhood-like area inhabited mostly by soldiers. Very few women walked the streets there and the ones that did were often escorted by her own personal guard. It all looked somewhat normal, but Leon couldn't help but feel there was more to it than what was on the surface. Anna didn't seem to care one way or another. Her mood hadn't lifted and her expressions were just about as catatonic as they had been for months. She wandered around Samael's house and took note of what was there, but then she sat on the couch and hugged her knees to herself, lost.

"Are you really that upset?" Samael asked as he unbuckled the belt that kept his sword strapped to his side. He shrugged off his lengthy leather coat and dropped it on another chair next to the belt. He scowled and rolled his shoulders, muttering to himself. _That thing is so damn heavy_.

"Why me?" Anna asked, giving him a skeptical look.

"Because you're not ugly and you said you had someone else before. The likelihood that you have a bevy of diseases rolling out of you is lessened if you were exclusively someone else's. Or is that assumption incorrect? Are you ill?"

"Not with anything that I'm aware of," she said. Samael shrugged.

"Well there you go. Works for me. Truth be told I wish I could just stay with one person, but orders are orders."

"You… do? I find that weird."

_I'm confused again, damn it,_ Leon thought, scowling at his screen.

"I have a lot of friends. _A lot_ of friends. They all seem to think it's the greatest thing in the world to go out and take whatever they want from a hundred girls and… yeah the sex is okay but then I come back here and I'm alone. It sucks," Samael said, shoving his coat aside and sitting in the chair.

"I don't love you," Anna repeated.

"I don't expect you to. But you can hold a conversation, yes?"

"It's hard to believe that's all you want from me."

"The law says I have to have more with you; the government needs soldiers. But as far as my personal standpoint? I'm okay with talking. I volunteered to take you here because I already know what it's like to have a bunch of partners but live alone. Had you gone on the rotation roster, that's exactly what would've happened. Had you not said something about having someone before, I probably wouldn't have said anything."

"Oh…" Anna trailed. She folded her legs under herself and set her book in her lap. She looked around the room and took in everything again. "What else do you want me to do? Or am I on my own?"

"Uh…" Samael grunted as he thought about it. "Whatever you want to? I have no idea. I just wouldn't suggest leaving the house without me. Our superiors check in a lot and make sure we're taking our Mako like we're supposed to and a lot of the guys get wired and go out to… work it off. You'd be painting a target on your back if you left. But you can if you want."

"I see. I hadn't really thought about what I wanted to do just yet," Anna said.

"Well, first we should probably go shopping. Or we can wait until tomorrow. Either way, we need to get you some new clothes and the basic necessities."

"…I don't have any money," she said sheepishly. He shrugged.

"So?"

"Clothes cost money."

"Yes and we would be using mine."

"Oh…"

"Does that not appeal to you? I mean… we _could_ go the free center and get you more of what you already have, but I was under the impression women liked to wear things with color and mild substance."

"I never really had the need for it," she said. Leon had never really paid attention to what the woman wore before, but thinking back, he couldn't remember much outside oversized bland t-shirts and loose fitting pants. He looked at his own pants and rubbed the vibrant silky soft fabric between his fingers, wondering how much they would've cost had they been available in a store.

"If you need more motivation, it would make me feel better if you were somewhat dressed and presentable. I would rather not be laughed at by my friends for having a woman who didn't give a damn about her appearance. At the very least we need to get you something just in case you ever do decide to leave the house."

"…If that's what you want," Anna agreed, keeping her eyes down and staring at the couch cushion. Samael sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm trying to get you to sound less like a battered slave and more like a person."

"I don't understand."

"Are you always this submissive?"

"…Submissive?"

"I mean do you always just give in to what others want? Don't you think for yourself?"

"I know how to think. I just can never think of other things to do outside of what people want me to do. Without…" she trailed, eyes watering a little. "Without Aïr, I haven't had a purpose."

"Aïr was your partner before?" Samael asked. She nodded and wiped her eyes before the tears could escape.

"He was very sick. I took care of him."

"I see."

"…Do you not need me for anything?" she asked. He shrugged.

"My mother would probably hang me for how I keep house, but other than the basic simple things I choose to ignore, I don't need help with anything, no."

"I think that's very strange."

"Why? Should I be handicapped somehow?"

"Well… I never met a man who tried to find out exactly what I wanted and didn't _need_ anything from me. I'm not sure what to think."

"If you want to be treated like a slave, I can do that."

"Not like that, but if you gave me some direction, I'd be okay with that," she said, looking to him timidly. Samael scowled and looked at his watch, taking in the time.

"Well, if we're not going shopping today, I could go for some dinner in a little bit."

"I can start now," she said hurriedly and set her book aside and stood. She made to walk past him and head into the kitchen but he caught her wrist. She froze and the color drained from her face so quickly, Leon though she would faint. She looked down at him with an expression like a beaten kitten waiting for more.

"I would like you to be different than the other girls. You're allowed to have an opinion," he said, voice low.

_Oh is she? Could've fooled me_, Leon snorted.

"I…" she hesitated, looking away again. He tugged her arm.

"Sit with me," he said, trying to lead her to himself. She chewed on her lip, leaning towards him, but stopped herself and stood upright again. She pulled her arm out of his hand.

"I… don't want to. That is my opinion," she said shakily. She kept her arm to her chest and her eyes staring ahead of herself. Samael's hand stayed outstretched towards her, frozen in partial shock. It took him a few seconds to put it back in his lap and register what she said.

"Okay," he said. She glanced at him, checking to see if he was serious or if he was getting ready to strike her. "The only thing we don't have an option with is the baby making. My telling my Captain I would take you in is an unwritten agreement that we'd keep the cycle going, you understand."

"Yes. I know," she sighed.

"I'm sorry I'm not Aïr."

"Me too."

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"…No."

"Did I do the right thing by bringing you here? Do you resent me?" he asked, sitting back in his seat. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I haven't decided yet."

"Okay," he agreed. There was a long pause.

"I'll see what I can come up with in the kitchen," she said and hurried off to browse the pantry. Samael sat quietly, his hand curled under his chin, seemingly distracted as he watched the walls. Leon had mixed feelings about the entire situation. He was having a hard time believing Samael's intentions and whether or not his words were genuine. He was happy Anna was in a better housing environment, and if Samael did everything he said he would do, the Carrier could learn to like him fairly quickly. It was a refreshing reprieve from the constant negativity and gave him some hope that not everyone was an uncivilized brainwashed robot that followed the government's orders.

Dinner was quiet. Anna had managed to dredge up enough ingredients to make a semi-substantial meal, but Leon was completely confused as to what it was. Samael seemed to share his sentiments, but ate it without complaint. With promises of going grocery shopping and mild thanks, the man left her and headed upstairs to his bedroom. Leon could hear the shower start but stayed in the kitchen with Anna as she cleaned up. She searched around, opening nearly all of the cupboards before finally retrieving a bottle of dish soap that was mostly empty. As far as the Carrier could tell, there wasn't much else in terms of cleaning supplies around, but he couldn't see Samael holding household cleanliness high on the priority list so he wasn't surprised.

Anna held herself together for a while after dinner. She retreated to her new room without a word to Samael and sat on her bed with her book. As soon as she opened it, though, she started crying. It was a bit startling when it happened because it was instant, as if the tears seeped out of her pores. Leon scooted his camera up the wall to see over her shoulder and immediately understood why. It was a photo album. There weren't many pictures in it, but the few that were in there were of her and Aïr from… however long ago. They didn't look much different, save for Aïr having black hair and brown eyes and a leg that worked. It was then that Leon realized how much the man had wasted away; his previous self was much bulkier, healthier. There were a few photos of him in a military uniform, similar to Samael's but a bit different. Then once those were done, there was a jump to when he must have come back from his tour, as his appearance was pretty much the way Leon had found him. The Carrier wondered how long the man had been back before he started watching.

"Annaicé?" came Samael's muffled voice from behind the door. The woman slammed her book shut and quickly wiped her eyes and forced her sniffles to slow. She answered quickly. Samael's expression fell, but so did Anna's. The soldier was half dressed, which she wasn't expecting. She looked away from him. Leon immediately zeroed in on the man's inner elbows. They were both bruised a deep purple on either arm with darkened tracks traveling up his biceps. Other than that though, he was in _very_ good shape.

"What did you need?" Anna asked timidly.

"I heard you crying, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she lied.

"I don't really believe you. Your eyes are red."

"I'm fine."

Samael sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Then you'd be alright with starting business right away?" he asked. Anna's attention snapped back to him, her eyes wide. He raised a brow at her, face serious.

"Tonight?"

"Yes. Like right now. I need to get to bed. I have to make my rounds in the morning and I'd rather be semi-alert. But I'm willing to stay up with you and help you if you're not okay. That, to me, is at least worth my time. Otherwise, give me a half hour and I'll be out of your way," he said bluntly. Leon scowled, unsure of what to make of him. Samael obviously wasn't enjoying himself very much and seemed to really want to help Anna, but her persistence and refusals were wearing on him. Unless, of course, the man was an amazing actor, which Leon didn't want to assume right away. It was only their first day together and they had already been through so much, so the Carrier could understand his impatience.

"Why tonight? Why not tomorrow? What's the difference?"

_Seriously_, Leon thought.

"Because I was raised to be responsible, and I have orders to follow."

"…And if I said I wasn't okay?"

"It'd still happen but not right this second."

_Gee, how generous_.

"Oh…" Anna trailed.

"The government needs soldiers. This is the only part about living here that is non-negotiable. But I _really_ don't want to rape you. I don't want to feel like I am, but I'm afraid if I humor you and wait, I may lose my bravado and then we'd _both_ be in deep shit."

"I…" she stammered. "I don't want you."

"I know you don't. And if you really don't want to stay, that's fine; I can take you back to your house tomorrow. But I'll have to tell someone to put you on the rotation roster, if for no other reason than to cover my own ass."

_I say we just kill the Captain and be done with it_. _I'd make an awesome tactician._

Anna stayed quiet, contemplating, for several minutes. Her hesitation was so long that Samael ended up leaving without another word, closing the door behind himself. Leon thought with her while she stood in front of the doorway. Before too long though, Anna opened the door and hurried out of her room. Leon caught up with her just as she opened Samael's door. She immediately squealed and slammed it shut again.

"I'm sorry! Never mind!" she yelped and covered her eyes. There was a brief hesitation before Samael appeared in the hallway with a deep frown.

"I was just changing my pants, calm down," he said.

"I should've knocked…" Anna sighed, face still hidden.

"Yeah, probably. What did you want?"

"I don't want to be put on rotation," she said, taking her hands down and looking at him properly.

"Okay. What would you like me to do?" he asked. Anna's face turned a deep red and she looked down at the carpet.

"…You promise it'll only be a half hour?" she asked. Samael snorted.

"I'll be as quick as I can."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 12

"Yes mother, I know," Samael sighed, running his fingers through his hair as a shrill voice echoed through the kitchen telephone. Anna was sitting across from him, watching curiously. The language he was speaking was alien to her, but Leon understood it as the same language he spoke with the Shumi people; that is to say, the language of Balamb. Knowing that little tidbit was a relief to the Carrier. Samael's mother was speaking as he was, so they were obviously from that end of the world.

"—and I don't want you to give into them so easily. You have rights—" the woman continued, her words blurring together into one long run-on sentence.

"Yes mother, I know."

"—they can't force you to be a monster. You have to stand up for yourself and come home to us—"

"Yes mother, I know."

"—everyone misses you. Your father… he's… he's not doing so good, Sammy," the woman slowed. Samael heaved a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead.

"I'll try to convince my Captain to let me take a leave. Mom, you have to understand that it's not easy to talk to people who have _complete_ control over everything you do. I want to come home, I don't want to be here, but unless I want to lose my legs or something, I have to cooperate and do things their way. There isn't much else I can do. Please don't make me feel worse than I already do."

"I'm only telling you the truth, baby. You deserve to know. The girls and I have been trying to get the antidote from the post guard but they want _so_ much money."

"How much?"

"Six thousand."

"_Fuck!_ What the hell? They only cost a hundred last year!" Samael sneered into the phone.

"I know. But they won't take our Gil anymore."

"Do they convert the money that I send you into Balamb's or do they keep it in Midgar's?"

"They give us the number of coins it says on the ticket but give it to us in Balamb's. So that two hundred Gil we got from you last week is worthless. Well, no that's not entirely true; we were able to get some bread," the mother said with a tiny sigh. Leon scowled. Midgar apparently had control of whatever city Samael's family was in. It sounded like they had their hands in just about everything and sure, whatever medicine they needed probably cost a hundred Gil, but they would only accept a hundred Gil with Midgar's insignia on it. Any money Samael sent his family was given as the full amount, but in coins with Balamb's insignia, making it amount to a jar of spit. Two hundred Balamb Gil, was not _nearly_ enough for what they needed since apparently a hundred Midgar Gil equated to six thousand Balamb Gil.

"I'm about to break the phone in half," Samael growled into the receiver, his hand tightening on the device so much that his knuckles were a bright white. Anna's expression turned worrisome as she watched him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It isn't your fault."

"I know, but I could've just not said anything and continued on like normal."

"No. I'm glad you told me," Samael said, taking a deep breath to calm himself, though his posture was still tense and the veins still stood out on his forehead.

"Well…" she trailed, thinking. "Anything new on your end?"

"No—yes… well, I found a girl."

"Oh? Should I be happy about this?"

"She's just living with me, but it's nice to have someone to talk to."

"Or you could've just called me more often, but whatever."

"And talk to you about what? I highly doubt you want to hear about the bullshit I have to do every day."

"Stop cussing at me," the woman huffed.

"Sorry," Samael grumbled.

"I suppose that's what you mean, though."

"Yeah, something like that," he agreed. A small dry smile ghosted his lips.

"Anyway, I'm happy you found some reprieve. I'll let you go. I'll give the girls your love."

"Please do. I'll figure out a way to come see you."

"Alright baby. I love you."

"Love you too, mom," Samael sighed and dropped the receiver on its base. He ran his hands over his face tiredly before leaning forward and resting his forehead on the dining room table. Anna fidgeted.

"What did I miss?" she asked, brows knitted together.

"That was my mom. Sorry," he said quickly, sitting up again.

"I didn't understand anything you said to her."

"I don't expect you to."

"You're not from Midgar?" she asked. Samael shook his head.

"I'm from Deling City. Balamb. Technically it was Galbadia before it was Balamb though. Either one, it doesn't matter. It's _technically_ technically part of Midgar now," he said. Anna sat up a bit straighter in her seat, giving him suspicious eyes.

"I didn't know that…" she trailed, her voice cutting low.

"Does it matter?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't want to have children with someone from there."

"Am I some sort of alien to you? I wasn't aware we weren't the same species. I don't see why region matters."

"But it's _Balamb_," Anna emphasized, like that was all the explanation anyone needed.

"…Yes. It exists. I still don't see why that matters."

"I don't like it," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. He scowled.

"I get that our countries are at war and everything, but you're really going to hold it against me that I was born over there?"

"Yes."

"_Why_?" he persisted, sounding insulted but his expression was that of utter befuddlement.

"It's a disgusting place."

"No it's not. It's not any different than here. The only difference is that we keep our girls and ask people to work for their money instead of just giving people what they need."

"Right, it's run by a bunch of slave drivers."

_Is she serious?_ Leon asked himself, a deep crease appearing across his forehead with his frown. _She doesn't like Balamb because people have __**jobs**__ over there?_

"I don't think you understand how it works," Samael said flatly.

"Sure I do. Your government makes you get up at dawn to go to work for them and in return, what do you get? Nothing. You go home again at night but you didn't get anything for all the time you wasted."

"What? How can you say that? People go to work and they get paid for it. Then they use the money for whatever they need to use it for."

"Electricity, food, clothing, water, television; I was under the impression that the government should provide you with all that. Why would I work for all of that?"

"You already do work for it."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. They take your children and kill the ones they don't want. They force you to keep producing babies for them, when half of them get tossed aside like a piece of garbage. How is that not work? Yeah, you may only have to do it every nine months or so, but I find it hard to believe that you feel no repercussions for it."

"They heal me, and I'm all better. I don't feel anything," she said flatly. Leon ran a hand over his face.

"How can you say that?" Samael asked.

"What am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to be in pain?"

"You mean you tell me that you carry around a child inside you for so many months and you have absolutely _no_ attachment to it once it's born?"

"I did with my first, but I don't anymore," she defended.

"What changed?" Samael pried.

"Nothing. I just got over it."

"So if you had the opportunity tomorrow to keep one of your children, you wouldn't?"

"No. I wouldn't."

"Why?" he asked, a hint of anger seeping into his voice. They glared at one another for several minutes.

"Because," she said after a long pause.

"Why though? There has to be a reason!" he barked, slamming his hands on the table and standing from his chair abruptly. Anna flinched, her hands coming up defensively, though they stopped short in front of her chest. "I have _such_ a hard time serving a country I hate with every fiber of my being. The same bastards that drafted me poisoned my father and raped my mother and sisters! You mean to tell me that the sons those monsters take from you are better off being raised by them than you? That's disgusting! Balamb doesn't do that shit! They value every life that volunteers to help them in this fucking war and they're treated with respect and dignity! They don't fuck over their populace for any reason just so the people can live as peacefully as possible! Here, you may not have to do anything but sit on your worthless ass but you pay for it in humanity and civility!" he bellowed, his face turning a bright right with the effort to keep speaking even as his lungs ran out of air.

_The military raises the boys?_ Leon thought, a lump forming in his gut.

"So Balamb makes the women fight the war too? They have everyone come out and help? Are they really that depraved? Why would I want that? Why would I think it's better to go out and die in the middle of a dirt field than to sit at home and have a child every once in a while? It's the least I could do to repay my country for giving me the freedoms I have. And why the hell do you care about the children I had?"

"Because it's disturbing for me to think that you'd have the same feelings towards ours! Like hell I would want a woman who doesn't even have the grace to get upset when her child is murdered!"

"Good! I didn't want you in the first place! You practically did what all the other soldiers do anyway! Took me from my home and raped me!" she screamed. Samael's angry expression faltered and he looked away from her. "At the very least I wouldn't have to live with the men that would come to me if I was on the rotation roster! I'd have a child and be done with it! I could go home and escape from them for a while! But no, you had to convince me to stay here just long enough so you could get your jollies too! And you say you hate this country! You're no different than they are! How many women have you had? How many of them cried?"

"Stop it," he said.

"How many children did you father that went the same path as mine did? Do you even know? How many of them are being raised by the men you supposedly hate? You criticize my country for doing what they need to do to keep its people free and to keep Balamb's influence away from us. Protection is something I haven't heard you say your country gives you! I think that's more important than anything! Stop being a hypocrite!"

"You're free to leave anytime you want," Samael said flatly, his tone quiet, guarded.

_Please don't let her do that_, Leon begged silently.

"Good. I will," Anna said haughtily and stood from her seat. She headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Samael sat in his seat again and held his face in his hands. Leon didn't know what to do. It was getting dark outside. The original plan was to go shopping once Samael got home from making his rounds, but his mother called before they could leave. The Carrier had looked forward to some peace and happiness on Anna's end but her attitude just blew all of his optimism out of the water. At the very least, he had found out that Balamb sounded normal, even if Anna disagreed. When she stomped down the stairs again, photo album in hand, the Carrier hurried his camera after her and caught up just when the front door was about to slam shut behind her.

_Oh god, please don't be stupid,_ Leon begged and she made her way down the sidewalk, heading in the general direction of where they had come from the day before. Though it was dusk, the streetlights were already on. Stray soldiers were wandering the streets, heading home from their rounds. Anna's bravery and hotheadedness lasted for a few blocks, but her pace slowed considerably once she had a second to calm down. Her posture introverted itself and she hunched her shoulders and hugged her book to her chest. Timid eyes scanned the surroundings, taking note on how she was the only female in the immediate radius.

Leon's camera clung to her back pocket as she continued, simply because it was the most stable place on her clothing. The rest of the fabric shook around too much with her walking, he found. As a consequence, he could only see what was behind her. All was quiet for a while, but eventually a trio of boisterous soldiers stumbled out of a house that was a few yards back. They were laughing and carrying on with one another, either heading in for the night shift patrol or out to a bar. Anna's pace picked up once she heard them behind her, but she wasn't running yet. Leon wished she would start, though, because the soldiers' eyes were already glowing.

"Hey!" one of them snapped at her. She hesitated and looked behind herself. "What are you doing out here, woman? All alone?" he asked. She slowed a bit more before her fear got the better of her and she took off running down the street. The soldiers looked at one another briefly before they gave chase.

"We just want to talk!" another one called.

"Where are you going?" the first yelled. Anna ran as fast as she could, her breath squeaking out of her windpipe with every stride. The soldiers were much faster than she was though and caught her quickly, yanking her backwards. Leon's camera couldn't hang on and it dropped to the ground. He skittered away before he could be crushed. Anna let out a cry as she was pulled back into one of the soldiers.

_Fuck, no nonono!_ Leon thought frantically, his hands fisting his hair, his eyes wide and horrified. He couldn't even register what the men were saying to one another as they shoved the woman around between them, pulling at her clothing. Anna clung to her photo album, eyes squeezed shut and her cheeks wet with frightened tears. One of the soldiers eventually got fed up of her stumbling around and simply kicked her feet out from under her, sending her to the concrete. She dropped the book to catch herself, though she did so sloppily and her arms ended up sprawled out in front of her. Another soldier was quick to drop on her and tug at the tops of her pants.

The biggest problem with free government clothing was that it was loose fitting just about everywhere. She was exposed in seconds and the one doing the pulling easily shifted her back end up for his own convenience. She screamed and clawed at the ground trying to get away from them but the one in front of her stepped on her arms, keeping her pinned. The third soldier dropped to his knees next to her and fiddled with his zipper, getting ready for his turn once his friend was finished. Anna's wails grew in volume as she was penetrated forcibly and pounded into the sidewalk mercilessly. Leon was frozen, eyes fixed on the screen, pale as a ghost. He knew he felt nauseated, but couldn't get himself to react.

There was movement on the side of the screen that caught his attention. There was another soldier running towards them full tilt. The knot in the Carrier's gut twisted around with the consideration of a fourth party joining in, but soon realized who it was. Samael, eyes glowing like blue fire, was missing his lengthy uniform coat, but pulled his sword from its sheath a few seconds before he made it to the group.

"Whoa!" the soldier pinning Anna's arms down barked as he saw the other approaching them. The other two stopped to look, but just as the one inside Anna turned his head, Samael was already there to skewer his blade through his throat. Leon startled; the lack of hesitation wasn't what he was expecting. The soldier choked immediately and blood poured out of the hole as Samael withdrew. He reached forward and grabbed the assailant's hair and pulled him backwards so he wouldn't fall on Anna. The one who was pinning the woman's arms stepped off her while Samael was distracted and pulled his own sword while his friend scrambled to his feet and tucked himself back into his pants. A quick swipe from the offender's sword and Samael's shoulder split open and blood rained down his arm. He yelped and staggered back, turning his attention to the other two.

"The fuck is your problem?" the unarmed soldier sneered, pulling his zipper up. The other stepped around Anna, posture tense and threatening.

"Why are you touching my woman?" Samael spat back. Anna shakily pulled herself away from them, her arms already bruising where the soldier's boots had been.

"Yours? What's she doing out here by herself? She's free game," the unarmed one said.

"You forget to lock her cage?" the threatening one asked. Meanwhile, the soldier with the hole in his neck was bleeding out on the sidewalk like some sort of morbid Halloween decoration. Leon didn't feel bad for him in the least.

"I might have turned my back for a second, she's fast when she wants to be," Samael said with a snide smile. His cheek was twitching as he held back the pain in his arm. Leon doubted anyone else but he was going to notice though.

"Yeah? We caught her pretty easily," the unarmed one said. Anna pulled her pants up again and picked up her book.

"It's hard to watch her when you have to take a shit guys, sorry. It happens," Samael said nonchalantly. The threatening one looked him over suspiciously. He scoffed and sheathed his sword again.

"I see her out here again without you, her ass is mine, got me?" he growled. He turned to his friend. "Come on. Let's go see how many we can get in Lowtown. Winner buys a round."

"What about him?" the unarmed one asked, pointing to the comatose bleeder on the ground. His friend looked at him then shrugged.

"I don't even know who the fuck he is," he said and stepped around Anna and headed down the sidewalk. The unarmed one looked thoughtful for a second before looking to Anna, who was focusing on the ground. He hesitated, looked at Samael, then to Anna again before heading off with his friend. Samael let out a long shaky breath when they were a decent distance away. He sheathed his sword again before stepping to the body and nudging it with his boot. The man gurgled at him and without hesitation, Samael picked up his foot and brought it down on the other's neck. There was a loud sickening _snap_ before the tension in the body left completely. Wisps of the Lifestream poured out of the body's lips shortly thereafter and seeped into the ground through the puddle of blood underneath it.

"Fuck," Samael spat, looking at his shoulder. He sucked in a hissing breath through his teeth and gripped his bicep. Leon, though relieved and extremely thankful for the man's assistance, was still leery. Samael's eyes were glowing just as much as the other three's had been and there was a small trickle of dried blood that had seeped out of the bend of his elbow. Anna pushed herself up quietly and wiped at her eyes, making no difference as her tears kept coming. The man stopped fussing with himself, stepped to her, took her hand, and started leading her back towards his home. Leon skittered after them.

Anna didn't resist being lead back. She clung to her book and followed him as he pulled her in the house. He left her in the entryway and teetered up the stairs. Anna was quiet for several minutes before her ordeal caught up with her again. She sat on the bottom step of the staircase and held her face in her hands, quiet sobs coming forth and shaking her shoulders. She was there for over fifteen minutes before Samael abruptly let out a pained yell that echoed down the hallway. Anna startled and looked up the stairs. He yelled again and she jumped to her feet and scrambled up the stairs and into his bedroom. She set her book on the bed and went to the open bathroom door where Samael was.

The man had pulled out just about every piece of first aid Leon had ever seen and was sitting on the edge of his bathtub with his bleeding arm dangling between his legs, the blood dripping off his fingers and heading for the drain. He was using his free hand to sew himself closed, his teeth grit and a film of sweat on his forehead. He had his eyes squeezed shut and his breathing was irregular as he put forth every ounce of effort he had to keep himself calm. There was a bottle of disinfectant next to him, but other than that and some gauze, he was on his own. Anna went to him and put her hand on his good shoulder. He immediately smacked her hand away.

"Stop. Just go to bed," he said, voice hoarse and tense.

"But what about yo—"

"I'm fine. Just go to bed. I'll take you home tomorrow," Samael repeated. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes so he could focus on what he was doing. He grit his teeth and pushed the needle through his skin again and pulled another piece of the wound closed, his voice getting caught in his throat as he forced the yell to stop. Leon's skin was crawling. Anna hesitated in the doorway for a few minutes before she sat next to him on the edge of the tub. She took the bottle of disinfectant and doused her hands in it before she shoved Samael's hands away from himself. She squeezed the wound together with one hand, making the man yell again and tugged the stitching tighter.

"_What the __**fuck**__?_" Samael wailed as she quickly started sewing him closed. His free hand gripped the edge of the bathtub so tightly, his veins stood out of his arm. Leon raised a brow as the glowing of his eyes flickered for a fraction of a second. The muscles in his arm seemed to ripple under his skin. The movement was brief, but headed down to his fingers. They squeezed the tub harder, so hard that it ended up cracking under the force.

"Almost done, hold still!" Anna squeaked at him and pulled him into place again. She quickly poked him over and over, closing the last inch neatly and tied the thread off. "Stop being a baby," she chastised as Samael groaned and tried to still his breathing.

"The fuck are you talking about? Do you have any idea how painful that was?" he sneered, sending her a nasty glare. Anna, eyes still red and puffy, folded her arms over her chest and gave him a glare right back.

"Childbirth," she said.

_Nice,_ Leon snorted.

"Alright fine," Samael said and looked away. He was extremely pale, but he didn't seem like he was ready to stop moving. He was jittery and shaking with pent up energy.

_He probably needs a transfusion_, Leon thought.

"What kind of thread is this?" Anna asked, holding up the excess string. Samael licked his lips and swallowed thickly before speaking again, his voice cracking.

"Synthetic."

"Okay, so it can get wet," she concluded and stood. She dug around in the cabinet under the sink and brought out a washcloth. She started wetting it in the sink. Samael's eyes were focused on her, transfixed. He didn't blink.

"Annaicé?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"Just go to bed. I'm fine now. Thank you," he said. Leon scowled, watching him closely.

"No, I want to help you," she said, turning to look at him, washrag in hand. He stayed still but shifted his eyes to look up at her.

"Please. I'm having a _really_ hard time stopping myself. Just go," he said. His hand was still gripping the side of the tub, the cracking going further as his fingertips started pressing the surface inward.

_Listen to him_, Leon urged quietly. His gaze flicked between Samael's eyes and Anna.

"You don't need my help?" she asked, sounding hurt. Leon ran nervous hands through his hair.

_She doesn't get it_.

"P…" Samael started. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat before trying again. "Please go."

"You're sure?"

"_Go!_" he bellowed abruptly. Anna startled and stepped back from him. She set the washcloth aside before hurrying out of the room. She stopped to grab her photo album but left right after. Once his door was closed, Samael let out a choked hoarse breath. Leon was still in the bathroom with him, way too curious for his own good. The man stood and headed out into his bedroom and started pacing. His arm seemed to be a non-issue now as he ran his hands through his hair so many times, the Carrier was waiting for it to fall out.

He stopped abruptly and grabbed the lamp off the table next to his bed and hurled it across the room. It shattered as it met the wall. He gripped his hair and pulled at it, grinding his teeth together and growling through them in a desperate effort to stay in control of himself. When that didn't work, he turned on his furniture, sending his foot through the side of his dresser and twisting around so the limb pulled it away from the wall and sent it sprawling onto the floor. A side table was smashed to pieces, broken apart so he could use the chunks to beat the hell out of the dresser. The bed was flipped, the closet door was ripped from its hinges, and he clawed long tracks down his walls and left dents in the drywall. Once the room was good and thoroughly trashed, the fire in his eyes had died considerably, his arm was bleeding again, and he was having a hard time catching his breath. Leon was scared to think what would've happened had he taken his energy out on Anna.

"Samael?" Anna called from outside the door. Breathing unevenly, the man opened the door and looked at her.

"Why…" he trailed tiredly. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Well I couldn't exactly sleep with you bashing around in here," she said and looked into the room past him. She gasped. "What did you do?"

"Would you rather I had taken it out on you?" he asked grumpily. She gaped at him, and then looked at his arm.

"You hurt yourself," she said. He glanced at his shoulder. "Why did you come after me?" she asked, pulling him into the room and leading him back into the bathroom.

"Because I felt bad for basically telling you to leave. I should've just left you in the kitchen and gone upstairs until I had the opportunity to take you home tomorrow. I went out to find you, but I didn't know those guys were out there until I heard you, then I came back here and got my stuff before going out again. I'm sorry I took so long," he said flatly. She nudged him to sit on the toilet and went to rewet the washcloth. She started wiping him clean. He leaned against the vanity, his eyes struggling to stay open, seemingly unregistering the pain.

"Are you alright?" she asked, giving him worried eyes.

"I'm really tired," he said. She nodded and hurried her cleaning. They were both quiet for several minutes.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Are you okay?" he asked. She nodded.

"Nothing a little time won't fix."

"Okay."

"Do…" she trailed. She went to the sink to rinse her rag and came back to him. "Do you always kill people that easily?"

"Yes. Six months of training while tanked on Mako does that. It was a reflex. It makes me sick. I probably could've stopped myself but I didn't care enough to try."

"Why?"

"Because I blamed myself for what went on and I was more concerned about rectifying it."

"What does 'rectify' mean?" she asked. Leon almost slapped himself in the forehead in disbelief. Samael smiled a tiny smile.

"To make it better."

"Oh. How come you know so much more than I do?" she asked, furrowing her brows together.

"Because I went to school. I was pulled out of it when Midgar came in but I was there for a good seventeen years."

"I never went to school."

"Not a lot of people here do."

"Does everyone in Balamb go?"

"They try to. Education is a big deal over there," he said. Anna patted his arm dry with a nearby hand towel. Afterward, she dug through the first aid supplies strewn about on the countertop for some more gauze and some tape. She wrapped his shoulder so the tiny tears around his stitches would hold together. She sat on the edge of the bathtub across from him once she was finished.

"I'm sorry about all the stuff I said…" she said, looking down at the extra gauze in her hands and rubbing a piece between her fingertips.

"Everything you said about me is true, why should I blame you for it?"

"No…it's not. You didn't rape me. You didn't just up and take me hostage either. You gave me options the entire time and I agreed. That's not rape or kidnapping. I just…" she hesitated. Her eyes started watering and she sniffled. "I thought about what you said about my children. And…"

"Stop. You don't have to exp—"

"No. Listen," she said earnestly. He kept his mouth shut. "Aïr died during my second pregnancy. The first one mattered to me because he was there and he cared _so_ much about her, it broke my heart. He wasn't there to care the second time around. So no, I didn't care about what happened. And I still don't. And… I sort of convinced myself that I was going to stay here with him and have my child and deal with it however the government said I needed to deal with it. He wanted to leave. He wanted to keep her. He wanted to run to Balamb and try to have a family with me and… I stopped him. Stopped us. I regret it," she said, tears flowing freely even though her voice was relatively even toned and calm.

"Why did you stop him?"

"Because I was scared. I was born and raised here. I hear so much about Balamb and how terrible it is; it scares me to death to think about going there."

"I wish I could go back," Samael said flatly. Anna looked off to the side, wiping her face.

"I still don't understand why."

"I don't expect you to. But like you don't want to leave your home, I never wanted to leave mine. I have six sisters, my parents, and a bunch of cousins and extended family. I like being around them, and I wanted to have my own family at some point. But instead I'm here. And I'll probably die here. My father is probably going to die before I can see him again, and if my mother manages to hold it together afterward, I'd be really surprised. Even if I get to go home in a year, it'll never be the same because there will always be a chunk that I missed because I was off fighting against my own country. Even if by some miracle my family lives and I go home, it still won't be the same. I still killed a bunch of my own kin and as far as I'm concerned, I'm a traitor."

_I feel like crying_, Leon sighed.

"Why don't you just… stop?"

"For what purpose? They'll just kill me. At the very least, if I have to be here, I'll send as much of the money they give me to my family as I can, even if its worth is only enough for them to blow their noses in. I'd just be giving in and letting them win. Because that's all they care about anyway; just mowing down all of my people and taking over completely. Why lie down and let them take me?"

"I don't… I don't know what to say," she said.

"Don't worry about it. I need to lie down before I fall asleep here," he said and sluggishly used the vanity to pull himself up. He looked out into his destroyed bedroom and sighed. "I forgot."

"Did you want my bed?" Anna asked. Samael shook his head.

"No, the mattress is in one piece still, I can just toss that somewhere and be done with it," he said and shuffled out into the room. He kicked debris out of a wide square area and shoved his bent bed frame out of the way so he could tug his mattress into the space. The box spring was obliterated in a tangled mass of splinters and wire, so any hope for appropriate support was lost, but Samael didn't care. He just dropped the mattress on the floor, didn't bother with a blanket or his clothing, and flopped onto it tiredly.

"Goodnight Samael," Anna said quietly. She gingerly stepped between the chunks of furniture towards the door.

"Annaicé?" he piped, voice muffled by the mattress.

"Yes?"

"Did you still want me to take you home in the morning?" he asked, turning his face so he could speak to her properly. She stopped at the door and looked at him. She contemplated for a moment.

"…I haven't decided."

"Let me know when you do," he said and rolled onto his side.

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Annaicé."

"Samael?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me Anna," she said. He looked at her with a raised brow.

"Can I?" he asked. She nodded.

"I prefer it. Besides, you don't even pronounce my full name correctly."

"…Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to be rude."

"Well now I just feel stupid."

"It happens. It's okay though. You're foreign," she said with a smirk.

"That's hardly an excuse," he sighed and rolled his eyes. "Anyway, you can call me Sam."

"Okay. Goodnight Sam."

"Goodnight Anna."

* * *

"What's up?" Reno asked the next day, peeking over Leon's shoulder. The brunette had taken over the sofa in their living space and was sprawled out on his back with his computer resting on his chest. He hadn't looked at Cloud's profile since leaving his home plane and was carefully inspecting his picture and comparing it to Samael and Anna.

"Just investigating," he said dully. The redhead crouched down behind him so he could see the screen properly. He burst into laughter.

"What the fuck is with the unicorn hair?" he barked.

"Ignore that part," Leon muttered. Samael was just as blonde as Cloud was, and though his hair was much shorter than the prospective Charge's, it stuck up in just about as many directions. Samael had a perpetual case of bed head that was almost as entertaining as Cloud's cranial disaster. Reno sat behind him and giggled for a few more minutes before he skittered away into his bedroom and came back with his own computer. He sat on their coffee table and poked at the machine until it brought up Rude's profile and he turned it so Leon could see.

"I'm going to turn into such a woman when we're walking around together. I'm going to shine that bald head of his and use it as my own personal compact mirror and primp as much as I want to," he said.

"That's a really disturbing thought," the brunette said and shook his head a bit.

"Well at least my Charge won't skewer small children every time he bends over to pick something up."

"Yes but the light reflecting off yours' head might blind someone. The resulting lawsuit could be disastrous."

"Touché," Reno laughed. Leon smiled.

"I may just hold Cloud down and shave him anyway, I really shouldn't tease."

"I would. Or just get him a different haircut."

"Possibly. I don't actually see a solution in that though. It's still going to be all over the place."

"Yeah but at least you won't lose an eye if he walks too close."

"Very true," Leon agreed. "I didn't realize Rude was so dark."

"Dark?" Reno questioned, turning his computer around to look at his Charge's picture.

"His skin."

"Oh. Yeah that happens. Is it a problem?"

"No, but it surprised me. When I think about it, I have yet to see anyone with a different color. Not even because I was avoiding it, either. It just happened that way."

"Xemnas is kind of tan."

"Yeah but he isn't as dark as Rude. It just looks like he got too much sun. Like if he didn't go outside for a few weeks it'd fade and he'd be just as pale as my ass."

"I wish I could tan," Reno huffed. Leon shrugged.

"You could if you wanted to."

"Yeah but I want to go out and actually be able to tan, you know? I don't want my color to come from a computer."

"It doesn't bother me."

"I bet you don't see the appeal in going to lay out in a Speedo on the grass, either."

"You would be correct," Leon said with a scowl. Reno laughed again.

"You're so old."

"No I'm not…"

"You act like you're a billion years old. Old and stuffy," the redhead said with a grin. He stood and patted the top of Leon's head before heading back to his bedroom, computer in hand. The brunette watched him leave before turning back to his own screen with a frown.

"I'm not old," he huffed grumpily.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 13

The Bead Maker came to Leon a little over a week after their talk in the thicket of wildflowers. It wouldn't say where they were going but provided the Carrier with a heavy bundle of insulated clothing. Thick heavy boots, socks, a scarf, gloves, a puffy leather jacket, thick pants and a fur trimmed hood made walking around a venture in of itself. The Carrier wasn't used to such cumbersome clothing and had to really concentrate on how he walked to avoid looking like a penguin. The Bead Maker was dressed relatively the same, though its jacket was essentially a really fat version of its normal robes with the addition of a hood. It had a backpack strapped to its back, the contents of which were a secret, and requested Leon follow it all the way to the enormous elevator that took them to the surface.

By the time they got to the top, the brunette was sweating. But as soon as he was reminded of the blinding white outside the dome overhead, he was shivering. He followed the Bead Maker out through the front doors, a blast of icy wind meeting him when he stepped outside. He immediately hugged himself and pulled his scarf up his face and his hood low. The Shumi didn't waste any time dilly dallying by the doorway and stepped out into the snow like it was commonplace and wandered away. Leon had to jog to catch up to it, the snow biting what little skin on his face was exposed. He had to close his eyes every now and again to deter the freezing winds but was afraid to do it too often, lest he lose sight of the Bead Maker.

Trudging through the snow at negative a snail's pace was one of the worst experiences Leon could come up with. In reality, they were only walking for a little over forty-five minutes though it felt like an eternity. The place they were headed to was directly behind the Shumi's surface dome in the wide expanse of tall mountains that split the sky in two. The wind dwindled as they grew closer to the rock wall and after a while, Leon was able to actually see where he was going. He was presented with a hole in the cliff side, a cave, that was maybe a few inches taller than he was. The Bead Maker ducked inside quickly and Leon followed after it, happy to be out of the cold.

"That was awful," he grumbled once they were inside, pulling at his scarf.

"I didn't think it was that bad," the Bead Maker said.

"You're insane, my eyebrows are frozen," the Carrier said and rubbed the snow and frost from the tiny hairs. Even though they were only a few feet into the mouth of the cave, it was substantially warmer than the outside. Leon unbuttoned his jacket and pulled his hood down so he could get a bit more comfortable. Once he wasn't distracted with his clothing, he noticed the cave was extremely bright for what it was. He followed the Bead Maker further in, and though it wasn't like being under a series of ceiling lights, there was enough luminescence to see where they were going without assistance. Or maybe the Carrier's eyes were just that adept to see in the dark; he couldn't decide.

The Bead Maker was able to stand at full height after walking for several yards. The atmosphere gradually got brighter around them the farther in they went, which Leon found strange. The semi-corridor they were in abruptly dumped out into a large open area with a wide expanse of water spread out in front of them. The ceiling of the cave was similar to that in the Shumi Village where large crystalline shards punctured the rock and the light shone through them from above, like natural skylights. Everything was sparkling. The floor, the walls, the water, all of it had a deep blue-green tint to it and the different variations of rock types reflected the light like millions of pieces of glass. Leon couldn't see the back shore of the pond. The water had eroded away the wall and created a pathway for itself, disappearing under a ceiling of rock. From underneath though, there was light and the Carrier could see all the way to the bottom. The stone under the water was white.

"Do you like it?" the Bead Maker asked, shrugging off the backpack and setting it on the floor.

"Real pretty," Leon said dumbly as he looked around. There were too many shiny things to see. Shiny was good.

"I'm glad you think so, but that's only part of it," the Shumi said. The Carrier looked to it confusedly. It dug around inside the backpack and pulled out two long heavy towels and held one out to him. Leon scowled but took it, immediately suspicious.

"We're not going swimming, are we?" he asked.

"Not swimming, no. I do suggest you get in the water with me though."

"Are you kidding me? We just came out from freezing our asses off and you want me to just leap into a puddle of cave water? No thanks. I like my testicles on the outside of my body," Leon said. The Bead Maker laughed.

"I suppose that would be true. I don't have that problem though. I encourage you to try it out. I think you'll like it," it said, opening its heavy robe and taking it off. It folded the fabric and set it aside neatly.

"You know something I don't, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Mind cluing me in?"

"No, I think you need to just have some faith."

"…Right," Leon said hesitantly. The Shumi busied itself with shuffling out of its remaining robes and kicking off its shoes. The Carrier immediately turned away once he realized what was happening, almost scared to see one of the strange buttery people nude. The Shumi were aliens to him, and though he was used to their faces, he really didn't feel the need to see the rest of them; though that nagging question concerning genders had never been answered, and the opportunity to find out was intriguing.

"Oh come now," the Bead Maker chastised. "You're an adult aren't you? Besides, I'm covered. You're safe."

_I could argue that I'm only seven…_ Leon thought. He sighed and peeked over his shoulder. The Shumi was giving him a tiny glare, arms crossed over its flat chest. The towel was firmly secured in place around its waist and though its feet were enormous, it looked just like he did shape-wise. The Carrier was a little surprised it was willing to expose so much of itself to him. It left him standing there and hurried over to the edge of the water and stuck a foot in. Leon hesitated before he let out a breath and pushed his apprehension aside. He shrugged off his jacket and pulled off his boots. The towel was _way _too big for him and hung past his knees but at least he knew he would be covered. He shuffled to the edge of the water once undressed, keeping a good distance between himself and the Bead Maker and stuck a foot in and immediately pulled it out again.

"Gah!" he yelped, looking down at his toes. His skin had turned a bright pink with the practically scalding temperature. The last thing he had expected was a hot spring.

"Surprised?" the Shumi asked, gently stepping into the water and easing down onto a ledge it could use as a seat.

"Could've warned me," Leon muttered. He tested the water again, deemed it uncomfortably hot, but did as he was expected and slowly inched in and sat where he could. He huffed and puffed as he tried to get situated, as if breathing like he was in labor was going to help anything.

"Are you going to boil?" the Bead Maker asked, giving him a curious look.

"I might," he squeaked.

"It is a bit warm, isn't it?" the Shumi asked curiously, looking contemplative. The Carrier rolled his eyes, fed up with the teasing already. "I'll fix it," the Bead maker continued and closed its eyes. Leon couldn't see it very well in the water, but a green ring swirled round the base of the seat the Shumi was sitting on. The blue and violet orbs floated up out of the water shortly thereafter. The Bead Maker brought its hands up out of the water, palms toward the ceiling. Several feet in front of them, in the air above water, wisps of the Lifestream were being pulled from the ceiling and walls of the cave and gathered together. When there was enough, they started to take shape and solidify, forming glittering facets that interlocked one on top of another. In a matter of seconds a large boulder of ice had formed and it dropped into the water, sending a huge splash into the air that soaked everything in the immediate vicinity.

"What the _fuck_ was _that_?" Leon barked, coughing up stray piddles of water. His nose was on fire as the water had surged up his nostrils.

"Ice," the Bead Maker said simply, a smile on its lips. The Carrier looked to the glacier that was floating peacefully several feet away from him. Curious, he paddled over to it and stuck a hand on its glassy surface. It was indeed a chunk of ice, but he didn't want to believe it had just come from nowhere. He couldn't deny that the water temperature was considerably more comfortable though. He sighed and swam back to his seat.

"I'm still not convinced I can even do that stuff," he said blandly, glaring at the boulder as it melted.

"I brought you here to relax, not to pressure you into trying to do anything. If it happens, it happens. I never wanted to give you an excuse to demean yourself. Not everyone has the ability to do these things. No one ever said you had to."

"I'd like to."

"A lot of people do," the Shumi said. Leon sighed again and slouched in his seat so his chin touched the water. The Bead Maker relaxed back in its own place as well and closed its eyes. The warmth and the quiet were soothing. The Carrier couldn't remember a time when he just sat and didn't think about anything. The heat was making him drowsy and his muddled brain was having a hard time focusing, so he didn't bother. Twenty minutes of nothingness passed before he forced himself to sit up again. He was afraid of falling asleep and drowning. He looked to the Bead Maker and found the Shumi snoozing, completely disregarding the danger.

_Guess I'm by myself_, he concluded, turning in his place onto his stomach. He folded his arms on the edge of the pool and rested his face on his forearms. He closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift into whatever territory they wanted to. His fascination with the Bead Maker's abilities was there to greet him. He really couldn't describe the acts of elemental manipulation very well with one word and the Shumi people's name of 'the craft' was extremely vague. There were a lot of crafts in the village to get it confused with but the physics bending and reality manipulation felt like it needed something else. 'Magic' was about the best thing he could come up with. 'Miracles' was a little too out there for his tastes and when he really thought about it, the acts were magical, but according to the Shumi, not inexplicable, so it wouldn't fit.

_Magic. It sounds so stupid_, he thought. Pushing the nonsense aside, the only other thing he could think about was Cloud's parents. Or more specifically, the few days he had spent following Sam around. After watching Anna sit around at home all day and deciding it was just about the most boring thing he could think of, the other half of the couple had much more appeal. Sam was always up before Anna and went to bed after her, but all that time in between was still a mystery.

The day started like any other, where Sam got up with his alarm and wandered downstairs to fix some coffee. The only difference on that particular day was the speed at which he was moving, that is to say, very slow. His shoulder was obviously very painful for him to move and he kept his arm as still as possible. Dressing was difficult, bathing was difficult, and any sort of jostle or jolt made him wince. At the very least, he was meticulous about keeping it clean. He would change the dressings as well as he could and trudge on out the door before Anna was even awake.

Needless to say, Sam did not like his 'work.' Leon had no idea what he did all day on his patrol, but apparently the man was part of the very same rotation roster he prevented Anna from being a part of. He would walk to a check-in post that was stationed just outside his little neighborhood and receive a list with a Mako injection. The list was a series of addresses he needed to visit during his patrol; residences of single women who were of age to produce children. Every so often he would need to accompany one of the scientist-looking men to a home to check in on the pregnancy status of various females but those instances were few and far between.

Serving as a pseudo police force for a country one hates was a lot easier to do than it was to conform to the government's civil-rights-crushing standards. People were people, regardless of region, and protecting them was fine, but once Sam had to impose himself on a residence, there was a lot of internal strife that played out on his face. Even when he was sauced on Mako he had the willpower to resist enough to hesitate outside the door for a while. But once he was inside, the extra pent up energy was obviously eating at him and it was almost painful to see him force himself to not hurt someone. Some women were more receptive than others. They didn't mind their lifestyles in the least and were very cordial to him. Those were the houses Sam didn't seem to mind so much.

The biggest problems came when the women weren't so forthcoming. He would try so hard to talk to them, to get them to consent before he lost control of himself, but usually, if they were defiant in the beginning then that meant he wouldn't be able to change anything by the time he advanced. There were several occasions where he would force himself on some hapless woman, the cacophony of screams and tears raining out of wherever they happened to be, and afterward, he would stumble outside or into the bathroom and promptly vomit. Twice he was so disgusted with himself he actually sat wherever was most convenient for a good fifteen minutes of tears before he was able to pull himself together again and head off for the next house.

Sam's crying wasn't so much an open sobbing, but a quiet gnashing of his teeth while he used his hand like a visor to cover his eyes. Leon didn't realize he was crying until the tears dripped off his chin, then the Carrier's heart broke into a million pieces. He watched Sam for a full week and every day was pretty much the same. The Mako numbed him to the pain in his arm once he let it take over and there were a few times where he came home with blood dripping off his fingertips. Anna would fuss over him and then he would sit for a couple hours and do _nothing_ until he could bring himself to eat. Then he and Anna would talk for a while until bedtime where things got extremely awkward.

They wouldn't look at each other. Well, mostly it was Anna forcing her eyes away from Sam or forcing herself into a position where she _couldn't_ see him. On a few occasions, Sam tried to get her to look at him, to grab a kiss or something that would tell him that he wasn't raping her. She gave him no headway. So, he would finish and leave. It was almost like he was going to the bank. Get in, make a deposit, and get out. Anna never said she wanted to leave, but she left Sam's offer to take her home open to change. Leon got the impression she hated being there. After Sam would finish, he would practically jump off her like she was made of lava and start dressing again. Anna would curl up in a ball with her back to him and start crying; not open sobs, but just a quiet sniffling.

"It just feels so _wrong_," she would tell Sam when he asked what he had done to make cry, afraid he had hurt her.

"I'm sorry," he would say back to her. He said it to her so often the words were starting to lose their meaning. No matter how much he apologized, the result was the same. Anna wasn't happy with him, and so long as she stayed that way, his hope for companionship was smashed. Before sleeping, Sam would wear the same tortured expressions he wore when he left the houses he had to visit during his patrol. If the whole day was bad and the evening was topped off with Anna's tears, sometimes Sam would break down too once he was alone. Leon sympathized. He didn't have any companions either. Granted, the Carrier didn't have the experience of having a family and then losing it to torture him, but he wondered if his sleep would be a little sounder if he had someone to share his space with. His bed was cold sometimes.

He wondered how often he was allowed to come back to the hot spring. Even if his thoughts were muddled, confusing, and a bit depressing, he couldn't deny his body felt relaxed. It was comforting. He turned over to sit on his seat and slouched back into the water again and let his limbs drift however they cared to. Then it occurred to him that he hadn't been fully submerged in water since he was matured and wondered if a bathtub would feel just as nice. Then he remembered he didn't have a tub at the inn or back on his own plane so it was a moot point. He pushed the curious thoughts aside.

There was a soft shuffling sound that echoed into the cavern. It was so abrupt that it startled him and he sat straighter immediately, looking towards the mouth of the corridor he and the Bead Maker had come through. There was more shuffling and he furrowed his brows. It sounded sort of like something was dragging itself across the ground but it didn't sound like it was getting any closer. He waded over to the Bead Maker and tapped its shoulder. When it didn't stir he shook it gently. It let out a soft snort and looked to him.

"What is it?" it asked sleepily.

"I'm not sure, it sounds like something's in the cave. Nearby," he said. The Bead Maker scrunched its brows together and listened. The shuffling was still there, quiet. Then there was a sudden snort and a long inhale.

"Stay in the water," the Bead Maker said and turned in its seat and pulled itself out of the pool and onto solid ground. The splash from the enormous ice boulder had soaked all of their clothing and the Shumi grumbled it itself as it wrung the water from its robe. It was better than nothing though, and it redressed and abandoned its towel. Leon did as he was told and sunk into the water so only the top of his head and his eyes could be seen over the edge. The Shumi hurried down the corridor towards the noise.

Leon nearly jumped out of his skin when a sudden growling snarl thundered into the space. The Bead Maker shouted something he couldn't hear, and a split second later the corridor lit up a bright orange that faded quickly. It almost looked like the glow of a campfire, but much more sudden, and much brighter. The snarl turned into an angry roar afterward. Things quieted just long enough for two other voices to join the Bead Maker's before another fiery light lit up the space. Leon, being way too curious for his own good, pulled himself from the water and went to pull on his sopping pants. One of the voices was another Shumi, and one was Reno's. He really wanted to know what was happening and why they were there. The shouting reverberated off the walls and muddled the words together so the brunette couldn't understand what was said. There was another roar that shook him to the core and made him flinch.

Then he heard the Bead Maker scream.

He had never heard any of the Shumi raise their voice above normal speaking level before, but the scream itself wasn't that of a voice like he would've expected. It was a high pitched wailing squeal that sounded like a rabbit caught in the jaws of a predator. The only reason he knew it was the Bead Maker was because the other two voices picked up afterward and covered everything else. The shuffling that Leon had heard in the beginning picked up the pace and was getting closer. The Carrier really had no idea what was going on and milled around near the waters' edge, watching the mouth of the corridor carefully.

Then he saw what the problem was.

He had seen a picture of the creature in front of him in one of his textbooks and he had to take a half second to process it. It was a sort of a surreal moment as the hulking beast noticed him and snarled at him. It was huge, just a bit taller than he was, but four times as wide. Its jaws were lined with protruding razor sharp teeth that were so big it couldn't even close its jaws properly. It was blue, furry, and had feet like boat oars with enormous gnarly claws. It didn't have any back legs, which was what the shuffling was, it pulled itself along the ground like a walrus, its tail fashioned like its feet with a wide flat beaver-esque end. It had huge crystalline blue tusks hanging from either side of its top jaw that curled towards its face with the same structures lining its back in a series of spikes. Leon stared at it, and it stared back at him for barely a second before he could remember its name.

_Snow Lion_.

Before he could even move to do anything, the beast reared back and took a deep inhale. Wisps of the Lifestream streamed out of the ground below it like a siphon and gathered in front of its mouth. Leon had a startling realization of what it was attempting to do just a hair too late as the beast roared again, breathing out through the energy in front of it. The air sifted through the wisps and came out as needle sharp pieces of ice that billowed out like a cloud towards him. He covered his face, as it was the only thing he could do, before it hit him, knocking him to the side and causing the needles to slice the front of his torso like tiny razors. He was blown off his feet and landed on his back with a harsh _thud_.

The world was swimming, but he was conscious, which surprised him. The voices got closer, which distracted the beast from finishing him, and he was able to push himself up just enough to assess the damage. His front was a sea of red as his skin had been split apart in a series of gashes heading every which way. His legs, for the most part, were fine but his pants were cut apart beyond repair. His vision blurred again in vague comprehension. He didn't feel the pain yet. His attention (what little there was) was pulled away as a literal pillar of fire spun down from the ceiling of the cave, engulfing the Snow Lion and cooking the beast right where it stood. Its wailing howls were ear splitting, but Leon didn't notice as his consciousness slipped away and he felt himself lay back down.

Then everything went black.

* * *

The next thing Leon would be able to remember is searing pain in just about every place he could imagine. It was there, jabbing him in the brain like a parasite and egging him on, teasing him as he lie where he was, helpless. He was extremely cold and could feel himself being moved. He wasn't on the cave floor anymore. He was on something else and being dragged through the snow, presumably back to the village, but he couldn't think that far. He was so tired. He let the pain do whatever it wanted to do but ignored it in favor of slipping away again.

After that, he could register the pain still, but he was stationary. He wasn't as cold, but he was far from comfortable. There were voices, a lot of them. He could hear Reno jabbering on with several Shumi in relatively close proximity. He drifted in and out for a while until the voices faded and only Reno was there. He could feel the other Carrier walking around for a bit before he took a seat at his side and stayed quiet. Leon tried to force himself to wake up properly but he only managed to hurt more and his throat let out a gravely grumble that he couldn't recognize as completely human.

"Leon?" Reno asked timidly. The brunette took a few more minutes to wake up before he tried opening his eyes again. It worked, but just slightly. He could hardly see past his eyelashes and his vision was blurry, but it was enough for the other Carrier to know he was there and listening.

"Nng," he grunted. The redhead let out a long breath and a nervous laugh.

"Oh my god," he sighed and flopped to the floor next to the brunette and grabbed his hand. He mashed the backs of Leon's fingers into his eyes and practically molested the rest of his hand using the rest of his face.

_The fuck are you doing?_ He thought. His skin was wetted with Reno's tears and the redhead sniffled loudly.

"I was so fucking scared, dude, you don't even know. Augh! I'm such a baby. Fuck," Reno blabbed and set Leon's hand down in order to wipe his face dry. The brunette's vision cleared just enough to where he could recognize that was lying on the floor… somewhere. On a cushion, but on the floor. There was a light coming from his side but the rest of the area was dimmed. He flexed his jaw, trying to get it to work, and that's when he realized there was something in his mouth. It was thin, and stuck to his tooth. It was a cord connected to his Link. Taking a few seconds to process the new information, he concluded that he was in the surface dome, hooked up to the Catalogue terminal that was next to the crystal portal.

"Ho…hhnng," he grumbled tiredly. He swallowed a few times and licked his lips. Reno shushed him and scooted up to his face. The redhead pet Leon's hair, which the brunette severely disapproved of, and sniffled again.

"Don't try to talk. I already know what you're going to ask, anyway. I didn't know where you had gone, so I asked around and one of the farmers told me. Then I…" he laughed dryly. "I got a little jealous that you got to go to the spa for a day and whined a bit and the farmer agreed to find someone who could take me to the spring. So I got an escort and permission from the Elder and off we went. It's… sort of a morbid thought to think that if I hadn't said anything, you'd probably be dead. That scares me. Don't leave the village anymore."

"'Kay, mom," Leon mumbled. Reno laughed, but it was short lived. He went quiet for a minute.

"The Bead Maker died."

_Fuck_, the brunette mentally sighed. The Bead Maker was one of the only people he felt comfortable talking to, and considered a friend, sort of. It sent a pang through his chest to think it wouldn't be there anymore to try and guide him.

"The Snow Lion is dead too. We actually dragged it back to the village with you two so everyone could see what happened. Then they all decided to use its pieces to make shit and… I don't know. They hauled it away. Probably put its head on a post, or at least I hope so. I…" he hesitated. "I've never seen someone die before, or so much blood before, or thought _I_ was going to die before, or… any of that. Yeah, we can talk about how dangerous this place is but it doesn't really hit home until you see something that you've never seen before. I sort of get why you always look so… down all the time. Watching Anna and the shit that happens around her was new and… it sticks with you." Reno sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry."

"S'okay," Leon slurred tiredly. Reno nodded.

"They uh… they tried to heal you, but they only managed to stop the bleeding. They kept trying afterwards but the… whatever it is, Magic? Shiny bullshit? Whatever it is they do to heal things kept backfiring and the Elder eventually stopped trying because it was giving him a headache. They said it was because Eden was yelling at him and telling him to stop healing alien lives, but I'm pretty sure it's just because our skin is synthetic. It makes more sense anyway. All the shit they do is centered around the organic and the basic elements, and inorganic stuff just doesn't fit in. Veins and muscles are one thing to heal, but the unnatural innards intertwined with it all fucks it up and stops the process. Or so I tried to tell myself. For all I know I could just be blowing smoke out my ass and have no idea what I'm talking about," the redhead surmised and hugged his knees to his chest.

_Unnatural_… Leon thought sullenly. It was true. It made a lot of sense. If he considered the facts, and what the Shumi people had taught him, it all pieced together. Going on the assumption that there was a higher being in the core of the Lifestream running the planet, it was reasonable to assume that she didn't approve of the unnatural things of that world. Eden doesn't like Midgar, she doesn't like being abused by their machines and man-made things, and she doesn't like their expansion. So to push away from all things unnatural made sense. Leon couldn't do Magic or talk to Eden like the Shumi could because Eden didn't want anything to do with him. To the Shumi, it was probably a miracle she allowed Carriers to survive there in the first place, which probably adds to the people's high regard for them and why they so readily accept them into their ways. It was logical, albeit a sort of logic he would never use on his home turf, but it was acceptable enough. He was okay with it.

"You'll probably have a lot of scars. I wish there was more I could do… or like… I wish I could take you home and get a skin graft so they won't be as bad, and then come back," Reno sighed. "This place fucking sucks, I don't want to be here anymore. I should just kidnap Rude and go home."

"Stop whining," Leon grumbled, lifting an achy arm up to rub his eyes, waking up some. At least his face wasn't cut up. He was still pretty and could chock that up as a win. Reno gave him a glare.

"I'm having a bit of a crisis here. Now's not the time to be an ass to me."

"Sure it is."

"Fuck off."

"Reno, seriously."

"Leon, seriously."

"Stop it. What happened, happened. It sucks and you can mourn the loss, but the rest of it is forgettable. Be sad about the Bead Maker instead of spitting a sob story about how traumatized you are. If you recall, it wasn't exactly a picnic for me either, and I'm not crying."

"That's because you have-"

"Testicles?"

"No, I was going to say 'no soul' but now I want to check and see if your soul is in your testicles so I can kick it. You're such a dick."

"Tough love. Why would I support you and your misery? I can support you in something else that's relatable, like being upset over losing a friend. You can cry about my boo-boos all you like, but I'm about ready to move on, and I'll leave you behind if that's your choice."

"You weren't there. You didn't see it."

"I know."

"No you _don't_," Reno protested and turned to look at the other Carrier properly. "You have no idea what it's like to see someone get… fucking… _skewered_ through the stomach on a giant thing of ice that came out of _nowhere_. Did you know that Shumi's blood is orange? I didn't. It looked like a fucking orange juice plant out there with it all over the place… it… augh!" he squeaked and fisted his hair. Leon scowled. "I feel sick," the redhead said and stood. He held his stomach and teetered in place, trying to decide if he was going to vomit or not. He took a few minutes to regain his composure before sitting again with a huff. "And then I saw you. I automatically thought I had lost the only person on this entire fucking planet that could truly relate to me. I thought I was alone."

"Reno—"

"No! Just shut up for a second! You may not like me all that much and you might think I'm annoying but when you _really_ think about it, it's just you and me, whether you like it or not. You may not value me enough to think that you have someone to lean on but at the very least you know that when your Link fucks up and you lose your hair and eye color, I won't laugh at you because I get it. We're the same. We're here for the same purpose. So yeah, it matters to me that you almost died. You don't have to cry about it, but that just means I'm obligated to because _someone_ needs to. Everyone deserves tears. So fuck off. I'll cry and whine if I want to," the redhead said, eyes watering. He crossed his arms over his chest indignantly and stuck his nose in the air, looking away from the brunette with a loud sniffle.

"I'm sorry," Leon said quietly. Reno's angry rant quickly died and the hot air dissipated from his sails. He hunched his shoulders with a sigh and uncrossed his arms, looking down at his palms and tracing the lines in his skin with a fingertip.

"I don't like being alone," he muttered.

"But you're not."

"I know. And I want it to stay that way. So… don't die, okay?" he asked, looking at the brunette with big watery eyes. "Remember to be real careful when you go out to find Cloud. It's sort of scary to think what medical assistance anyone would be able to give us if they rely on healing like a crutch because… it obviously doesn't work all that well on us," he said with a dry laugh.

"Okay. I'll remember if you remember," Leon said. Reno nodded.

"I don't think I'll be able to forget any time soon," he said. They shared a comfortable silence that lasted several minutes. Leon eventually got fed up with laying there and decided he needed to be rebellious and try to sit up. The searing pain was back again to remind him that he wasn't allowed to be stupid, and that his bandages were _really_ tight. Reno pushed him back down again and fussed over him like a mother hen, chastising him for pushing himself. Leon humored him for another twenty minutes and lay still before his patience ran out.

"When can we go back to the inn?" he asked grumpily, wincing a bit as his bandages pinched him. Reno sighed.

"I'll go get someone to help carry you."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 14

A memorial service was held for the Bead Maker the next day. Leon couldn't stay upright long enough to attend and he hated himself for it. Had he just listened to what the Bead Maker said, he might have been able to pay his respects properly. No doubt a hot spring would've kept him safe from a cloud of ice needles, or whatever the Snow Lion had thrown at him. He found it ironic that he was attacked by a Snow _Lion_; in a sort of dry morbid way, he could laugh at that. Regardless of what happened to himself, he couldn't find any way to avoid what happened to the Bead Maker outside of not letting it leave the spring in the first place. If it hadn't met up with the beast first, Reno and the other Shumi may have been on the receiving end, and Leon didn't want to make a decision on which was worse, so he just accepted it.

Weeks passed and the gashes healed at a slow but steady pace. Once he was able to get up and move, he tried to go on as he normally did, but he felt even less enthusiastic about things than he normally did. He missed the insightful conversations he and the Bead Maker had shared. In a roundabout sort of way, he credited the Shumi's words to being a big part of helping him discover more about himself. Without the Bead Maker's assistance, he pushed aside the idea that he could do Magic. He just didn't want to anymore. It was a waste of his time, even if he had more than he knew what to do with now that he didn't have something extra to concentrate on. The evening ceremonies turned into a time of meditation versus anything else for him; a time to settle and relax and not think about anything. It helped, but only slightly.

Once he could, he changed to his Primal form and shed away all of the minor cuts and abrasions he had received. A great deal of his skin cleared up, leaving only the major offenders behind. He would have them for the rest of his life, and it didn't really sink in for him until he caught himself in a mirror while he was getting dressed one day. They were all clean cuts, but they were all relatively wide and obvious. It was the first time he genuinely felt self conscious about something. They were ugly and made his skin uneven and discolored. There were a few on his side that were more like puncture wounds than slices and the scar tissue that filled those in was raised and misshapen. He didn't exactly have anyone to impress, but he had never looked at himself and went '_eugh_' before and it kicked his pride into a corner.

On the more positive side of things, Anna was pregnant again. Leon was sort of losing track of time between all the happenings and in his muddled state, couldn't really remember if he should be really excited about this baby or the next baby. Things between her and Sam weren't much better, so the depressing dynamic heavily outweighed the joy of potential children. The Carrier didn't follow Sam around anymore. He stuck with being bored at home with Anna and making sure she took care of herself. She didn't do it very well. She hardly moved out from in front of the television, barely ate, and was losing weight quickly. Leon knew Sam noticed it too because he would watch her closely as her ribcage became more prominent.

"Anna…" Sam trailed one evening, giving the woman worried eyes and a creased brow. She tore her eyes away from the television for the first time in hours and looked at him with a blank expression.

"Hmm?"

"Please eat," he said. She blinked and looked confused.

"I did eat."

"…That was yesterday. "

"No, I ate dinner with you."

"Right. Yesterday."

"No, like just a few minutes ago."

"No Anna, I just got back from my patrol. I'm late today. I picked up something on the way home. We didn't eat dinner together."

"Oh…" she said, thinking carefully. "I guess we didn't, did we?"

"No, we didn't," Sam said. He heaved a heavy sigh. "I can't stay home with you all day to make sure you eat. You're wasting away. I'm worried."

"I just forgot," she said.

"Is that all? I get the impression something's wrong."

"I'm okay," she said flatly. He shook his head.

"No, you're not. What can I do to help you?"

"Nothing."

"Please don't be like this."

"I'm not being like anything. I'm okay."

"You know it's a lie. You started off sort of wishy-washy and down when you first got here but it's only gotten worse. Don't think I didn't notice because I have and that bothers me. If you're unhappy with me, you need to tell me so I can either fix it, or let you go so you can fix it yourself. I didn't bring you here to torture you. I honestly didn't think I was hurting you by doing so but apparently I am. What can I do differently? What can I do to make you happier?" he asked. Anna looked him straight in the eye with an almost resentful expression on her hollow face.

"Can you bring back the dead?" she asked. Sam seemed taken aback and he gaped at her for a few seconds.

"Wh—no. I don't… I don't really expect you to ever truly get over him but… you haven't tried to move past it yet?"

"Why should I? It doesn't change what happened."

"Right, but you'd rather torture yourself?"

"I'm j-just…" Anna stammered. Her eyes started to water and her chin quivered. "I'm just waiting to die. I don't…" she stopped again and wiped at her eyes. "I don't care what happens to me. Nothing is going to get better," she said. Sam was speechless, as was Leon. Anna was quiet for a moment, fidgeting under Sam's disbelieving gaze.

"Why… why don't you even want to try and be happy?" he asked.

"If something comes along that makes me happy, I'm not going to push it away, but I haven't found anything yet."

"…I see. Do you know what that something could be?"

"No. I haven't found it yet, like I said."

"Okay," the man said. They sat together quietly, Anna blankly staring ahead of herself, while Sam looked like he wanted to say so much more. He watched her carefully but her expression didn't change, even as she wiped her eyes again. "What uh…" he trailed. She looked at him. "What did you and Aïr do together?"

"Why do you want to know?" she asked. He shrugged.

"Curiosity?"

"We didn't do much aside from spend time together. I'd make his meals and help him when he needed me to and we'd watch TV together. Sometimes we'd do Mako together and go out and see people, sometimes he did it by himself. He…" she stopped and took a breath, looking unsure. She focused on her lap. "He was a good lover and… knew everything I liked and felt bad when he did stuff I didn't like."

"What don't you like?"

"Well… he would sometimes do a little too much Mako to try and take his pain away and I would do something and he'd get angry. He would hit me if I got too close so I had to be careful," she said. Sam immediately tried to interject and protest but she cut him off, speaking quickly. "But he never did it on purpose. He wasn't himself. He would always apologize to me and make it all better. He would hold me and pet my hair and tell me over and over how sorry he was and that he was back and he'd try real hard to not do it again."

"Did he ever stop?" Sam blurted before she could stop him. She picked at her fingernails.

"Well… no, he didn't have the chance to get better before he died," she said, wiping her tears away. Sam's expression flashed between rage, confusion, and pain in the span of about two seconds. He let out an exasperated grumble and slouched in his seat. Anna looked at him, brows furrowed. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what?' You don't see _any_ problem with what you just told me?" he asked angrily. She thought about it before she shook her head. Sam huffed and rolled his eyes again. "I can't even believe I was comparing myself to a guy like that," he grumbled before muttering to himself in his native tongue. "_This country is so fucking backwards_."

"Why did you compare you two? What purpose does that serve?" she asked.

"Because I wanted to make you happy. I want to try and know a happy Anna. You're not a bad person, even though all the shit you do and say hurts me like you wouldn't believe. You're upset and lost and I get that, I can understand that part. I want to make you happy so we can do what I originally brought you here for. I wanted someone I could spend time with and be normal with," he said, pushing himself up again to sit properly. "I wanted someone who could make me feel less like a monster, and to tell me that I'm still different than all the guys I see out in the city. And like I said, I understand that you're upset. I get it. But what I don't get is why you're still attached to him like he's some sort of god or whatever it is you see in him. I don't want you to forget about him or stop loving him and I really don't _need _you to like or care about me as much as you did for him, but for Eden's sake Anna… do yourself a favor and _try_ to be happy. I don't like seeing other people hurting."

"Stop it," she said with a whisper. Her posture had sagged and turned fragile, as if whatever Sam would say next would shatter her into a million pieces.

"Stop what?" he asked, his tone completely confused. Anna was crying again, torrents of tears poured out of her eyes and her face twisted into one of pure anguish as she broke down. She held her face in her hands and sobbed loudly, sucking in raspy heaves of air between hysterics. Sam was completely shocked and stared at her for a long ten seconds before he snapped out of it and tripped over his words. He sputtered several lines of random syllables before he could get anything coherent out, and when he did, it was the same thing he had been telling her for weeks. "I'm sorry! What did I do?" he asked.

"Stop!" she cried and sent him an accusatory acidic glare. Sam stared at her like a disoriented two year old that put his hand on a stove he didn't understand could get hot. It was a sort of twisted combination of confusion and impatience that played through his features, and admittedly, Leon couldn't understand what was going on either, so he didn't blame the man. The Carrier wondered if all women started accusing men of doing things when they didn't do anything. He sincerely hoped not.

"Please stop crying. Help me understand," Sam pleaded with her. He put his hand on her forearm and she immediately pulled away.

"You're…" she said and stopped. She held her face in her hands for a brief moment, looked at him, and then away. She wiped her face again and sniffled loudly several times and took a minute to catch her breath before trying again. Sam folded his hands in his lap and waited. She cleared her throat. "You're making it hard for me to keep my promise," she said quietly, voice shaking.

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"Can I know what it was?" he asked. She took her time in having a mental debate with herself.

"I promised him that… I wouldn't love anyone else. That he would be the only one I cared about for as long as I lived," she said flatly. Sam raised a brow and gave her an incredulous look.

"You… love me?" he asked. Her face whipped around to face him so quickly Leon halfway expected her neck to break. She looked terrified.

"No! I don't! But…" she trailed, calming some. "I'm scared. I'm scared because you're from Balamb and I don't care anymore. I'm scared because I don't hate you. I'm scared because you're easy to talk to and nice to me. _Really_ nice to me. I'm scared… because I like spending time with you. All of that is way too close to me breaking my promise and I can't do that. I don't want to. I feel guilty," she said, pulling her knees up towards herself and making herself as small as possible. "I'm scared and guilty. So… I'm okay with the way I am because what I said was true. I'm waiting to die; I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"Th… wh… I…" Sam stammered. He scrunched his brows together and rubbed his forehead. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything. Just stop it."

"Stop what? Being myself?"

"…Yes."

"Anna that's stupid," Sam said flatly. She shot him a glare out of the corner of her eye.

"Then I don't know what else to do. Just… take me back to my house tomorrow. I can't stay here."

"Well there's a couple problems with that," Sam said, leaning back in his seat and folding his arms over his chest. "Your house is probably occupied by this point and I would have to take you to a shelter until they can find you a new place to live. _And_, I refuse."

"Okay, you can refuse, I'll find the shelter myself."

"Okay," Sam said nonchalantly. She looked at him, surprised. He motioned towards the front door and raised his eyebrows high on his forehead. "Bye."

"You're okay with that?" she asked, suspicious.

"Yep. If what is torturing you is me being _nice_, well, you can just go fuck yourself because I'm not changing. I didn't change for this shithole city and I'm not going to change just for you. I do what I'm told because I have no choice. But other than that, I do everything else wrong according to you, and if that's a problem, then I don't need you in my house. Fuck your sense of security and whatever shitty little reasons you have for yourself to not be human. I…" he trailed, forcing himself to stop and regain some composure. "I have _never_ met someone as fucked up as you. As backwards, or as _tortured_ as you. And you know what? If you can get over the stupid little things and just accept whatever it is you feel and can learn to be _civil _to me, then I don't care if you stay; even after all that you've said and done to me. Are you human enough to do that much? Because I only fuck humans and if you're hiding something I'm not aware of under your vagina then we're going to have some problems."

_Oh my god, I shouldn't laugh_, Leon told himself as he covered his mouth, trying to stop his chuckling. Anna sat quietly with a scowl on her face. She couldn't meet Sam's eyes and stared at the floor, thinking. He watched her carefully.

"I…don't know what I should do," she admitted after almost fifteen minutes of sitting.

"Do you really want to die?" Sam asked. She glanced at him before shaking her head. "Do you really want to stay so unhappy?" he asked. Again, she shook her head.

"I'm still… afraid. Guilty."

"It's okay to feel that way, but at some point you need to move past it; for your own sake," he said. He pulled his feet up onto the couch and folded his legs under himself. He turned to her. "Where do you think he went after he died?" he asked. Leon didn't think Anna understood what Sam was getting at. She furrowed her brows and seemed to really think about it. The Carrier understood the vague open-ended question though. Sam was trying to see if Anna believed in an afterlife. She shrugged.

"Some people took him away and didn't tell me where he was going. So I don't know," she said.

"So he's gone."

"…Yes."

"He's not here to make sure you keep your promise, nor is he here to be hurt if you don't, he doesn't have a hold on you anymore. The only thing stopping you is yourself," Sam said. She sighed. "Even if you don't stay here and move on to someone else, your life will be so much easier to bear if you let people help you and allow them to comfort you. Have you even talked to anyone else aside from me about him?"

"Not really," she said.

"It's not good to keep it all inside and to push everyone away."

"Okay…"

"Am I helping at all? Or do you just think I'm full of shit?" he asked. She shrugged. "Do you still want to leave?" he persisted.

"I never really wanted to in the first place. I just feel like I should."

"Because of the guilt."

"Yeah."

"Guilt is normal, I think. Moving on and to (hopefully) a better place feels sort of like betrayal. Like you're forgetting about him and making him seem less significant. But you're never going to forget, I can promise you that. He'll never be any less important to you, and just because he's not here, that doesn't mean that your time together was meaningless or a waste. You told me before that he wanted to leave the city with you, to have a family and to be happy together. I have a hard time believing that his desire to see you happy magically changed ten seconds before he died. If he was still here, he would still want it. So what's the difference if you're happy now? It's not like it's suddenly illegal for you to be."

"I don't… know… I'm just…" she trailed, her expression turning more distressed and confused the more she was allowed to think about it.

"Afraid?"

"Yeah but… I don't even know what I want. I'm lost…"

"What makes you happy?"

"I don't know."

"Will it make you feel better if you yell and scream and cry at me about all the stuff you feel?"

"Maybe later."

"Okay. Did you want me to make you something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Let me rephrase. Anna, I'm going to make you something to eat. What would you like?"

"…A hug," she said. Sam blinked a few times, blindsided.

"Uh, okay. I can give you that, but you can't eat hugs, so I'm still waiting for that answer," he said, unfolding his legs and opening a space for her. She scooted across the sofa and practically threw herself into his chest, clinging to his shirt tightly. She kept her face buried against his sternum, refusing to look anywhere else. He let out a sigh and hugged her tightly, resting his cheek against the top of her head. The look of absolute _relief_ on his face tugged at Leon's heartstrings. The Carrier then wondered when he had gotten so mushy.

* * *

Things between Sam and Anna stagnated after their pseudo-heart-to-heart. The house descended into a sort of tense normalcy once Anna started eating regularly again and being less depressed. She was far from a hundred percent, but at the very least she seemed to be trying to move on. She was talkative, alert, and spent less time in front of the television. They spent a great deal of time together and were getting increasingly more comfortable with one another. She even insisted Sam go out and buy some cleaning supplies so she could have something to do and scrubbed the ever living hell out of every surface of the house for over a week. Leon only hoped she wasn't hurting herself with the chemical fumes, if there were any.

Around week ten of her pregnancy, she started slowing down. She spent most of the day either on the couch or in the bed quietly whining to herself and holding her stomach. By mid-afternoon she seemed to get better and was up and spending the day doing whatever it is she wanted to do. Leon was concerned but couldn't decide if she was having normal pregnancy upsets or if she was in real physical pain. Anna never told Sam about it though, so the Carrier pushed his worries aside, trusting her judgment. He didn't exactly have any way of helping her, nor did he have the experience of being pregnant personally to make any of her decisions so there really was no point.

In her previous pregnancies, Anna's symptoms usually started after she knew she was with child. She was diligent about testing ever since she was registered and this one was no different. Her symptoms weren't very severe or cumbersome once the morning sickness stopped for the day but they were noticeable. Hovering somewhere around her eleventh week, though, everything faded away. She wasn't griping to herself about how her breasts ached, the swelling went down, and her sickness went away. Leon, going against the _extreme_ desire to not do so, started following her into the bathroom to see if there was anything additional to worry about.

And there was. Leon had never followed her so closely before so he wasn't sure if spotting was normal for her, but the amount of bleeding Anna had was way more than there should have been and his stomach turned to stone. She didn't seem concerned about it. The Carrier couldn't decide if it was because she was just that emotionally separated from her children, or if she really didn't think there was a problem. He wondered how much knowledge was tossed around between the uneducated denizens of the city and if she had ever heard of the various possible complications during pregnancies. At the very least, her body seemed to be taking care of itself. She wasn't getting abnormally sick, she wasn't in a lot of pain, and as far as he knew, the bleeding hadn't started too long before that point.

Sam noticed the problem once Anna got up into her fourth month and she wasn't getting any bigger. He watched her like a hawk for a full week before confronting her. Leon was dreading to think what was going through his head. The Carrier already knew Anna had miscarried by that point though, and was just waiting for the proverbial shit to hit the fan. Anna's bleeding progressed to a discolored discharge after a while but everything stopped weeks ago; he was waiting for her to start menstruating again.

"Anna?" Sam asked. The woman looked to him.

"Hmm?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, why?"

"You're sure?"

"…Yes. Should I not be?"

"It's not that but… you're sure you're pregnant?" he asked awkwardly. There really wasn't a better way to ask but the question sounded strange regardless.

"I took a test and it said I was, and I felt like I was, but then I got better. Just like last time, and the time before that. So yes, I'm sure. Why?"

"You're not getting any bigger and… I don't know. I'm not so sure you are."

"I can go take another test and show you," she said. Sam ran his fingers through his hair.

_I can tell you right now if it's positive, it's a false positive,_ Leon thought. Sex between the two stopped when Anna got pregnant. The woman was never that enthusiastic about the whole process in the first place and Sam was okay with coming home and sitting down for the rest of the evening. He wasn't exactly starved for attention, having spent the previous ten hours of his day walking around with the occasional break to have sex with some woman he didn't know the name of. Anna still had her induction scheduled and her pregnancy was confirmed early on by an inspector so all was assumed to be peachy. She left Sam at the table to go upstairs and take another test and when she came back down with the little stick, it was positive, and Sam dropped the subject.

For two months things didn't change. Leon was practically beside himself with the horrid lack of education between the two of them. He thought that in a society that so heavily emphasized birth and reproduction, the government would at least give the public a video to watch just so they would understand when there was a problem. The lack of forethought was astounding. Sam wasn't completely ignorant and stared at Anna a lot when she wasn't looking at him, knowing something was up but not wanting to upset her. The woman was just as oblivious as could be. She didn't get any bigger, she didn't have any symptoms, and even when she started menstruating again, she just didn't get it. Leon was about ready to smash his computer when Sam finally put his foot down.

"You're not pregnant. Maybe you were before, but you're not now," the man blurted one evening at the dinner table.

"I know," Anna said flatly. Both men balked at her.

_Oh fuck me. Seriously?_ Leon huffed, throwing his hands in the air. He had just spent millions of brain cells mentally yelling at her for six months when he could've just left it all alone. He was sort of thankful she wasn't that stupid though. But he wished she had spared him the trips into the bathroom with her and made it known that she knew. Those were a few experiences he could've lived without.

"Wh—When did you know?" Sam asked, eyes wide and about to roll out of his head.

"I only figured it out after you told me to take the second test. I didn't realize how much time had passed and that I was supposed to be showing by then, so I waited to see if it was true. I started my cycle not too long afterward and that's when I knew."

"If you knew there was a problem, why didn't you say anything?" the man persisted.

"Well…" she trailed nervously. She fidgeted in her seat and looked down at her plate. "I liked spending time together without the sex just… looming in the background and making me nervous," she admitted. Sam's expression sobered considerably and he sat a bit straighter.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"No… I can get where you're coming from."

"Does that mean we have to start again?" she asked.

"N—well, maybe. I mean, if it was two or three months ago, probably not, but if we go to the clinic and tell them you had a miscarriage a week ago then they'd probably ask what happened to the… remains. At this point it'd be sort of a problem because it's not like the baby would've been some tiny forgettable blob that we wouldn't be able to show them."

"Oh…"

"But, we can try and hope they don't ask any questions. Because if they think it did happen a week ago, I really doubt you'd be able to get pregnant again so soon afterwards. So we could put it off for a while. I'll have to call someone though to make sure. Tomorrow. Not tonight."

_I'm about to come over there and force you two to get to it. I'm tired of waiting,_ Leon grumbled. '_Sam, who's that?' 'I dunno, some random guy in our house. He wants us to have sex like __**right**__ now. Something about having the __**correct**__ baby.' _

"Okay. Are you mad at me?" she asked timidly. Sam shook his head.

"I'm a little upset that it happened, but it's not like you did it on purpose, right?"

"You can do it on purpose?" she asked, immediately perplexed. Sam waved a dismissive hand.

"Forget I said anything," he quipped. "I'm not angry. I'm not angry that you just want to just hang out either; I was enjoying the quiet too. I'm happy you like spending time with me," he said and smiled. She gave him a tiny smile in return, the first either man had seen her do in a _long_ while.

They finished dinner and plopped in front of the television together. The peace was nice, but there was an underlying awkwardness still there with the veil of 'we don't need to have sex right now' having been lifted. It was hanging in the air, and both of them were aware of it. For over an hour they sat and only half-watched the television. The other half of the time was spent stealing glances at one another when they thought the other wasn't looking. Sam eventually got fed up with the tension and imposed himself on Anna's personal bubble, stretching himself out on the couch and practically forcing her to lie against his chest. Leon was reminded of the first time they had seen each other; the man making her lean against him in the back of the car. Anna didn't mind this time though and settled against him comfortably.

* * *

Sam called his superiors the next day and told them what happened. They took his word for it, canceled Anna's induction, and gave him the day off. Leon was surprised they were so forgiving, but they left him with a 'we'll send someone out to see you in a few weeks' giving the heavy indication that they needed to get to work. The Carrier was with the government this time around. He had spent time during the previous day calculating when Cloud was supposed to happen, counting back from the time he was allowed to make contact. He didn't have his Charge's birthday to go off of, just an age, which worked well enough for him. He found that Anna's next pregnancy was probably going to be Cloud if she didn't have another miscarriage or something to skew the variables. His timeline wasn't exact, but it was close.

So all he had to do was play the waiting game. Which was torture before, but now that he had a reasonable idea of when it was going to happen, it turned downright murderous.

"You're going to go blind if you sit that close," Reno chastised when he didn't have any room on the couch in their living area. Leon had claimed it for himself and was glued to his computer, only a few inches away from the screen, watching Anna and Sam's every step. When he didn't get a response, Reno rolled his eyes and helped himself to sitting on the brunette's back.

"Get off," Leon growled, glaring over his shoulder.

"But you haven't talked to me in _days_," the redhead whined.

"What are you? My wife? Since when is it my responsibility to entertain you?"

"Gee, you're so charming. Do you get all the ladies like that or just the 'special' ones?" Reno asked, adding air quotations for emphasis where applicable.

"Fuck off. I'm busy," Leon huffed and turned back to his computer.

"Ah yes. Watching your in-laws fuck is always a healthy way to spend the day."

"They haven't been; that's why I'm watching. Need to make sure it happens."

"And if it doesn't? What exactly are you going to do about it?"

"Stomp on over there and shove them into each other and hope to god Sam ejaculates somewhere in Anna's vicinity," Leon grumbled, leering at the computer screen. Reno stared at the back of his head for a good three minutes in a stunned silence.

"_Wow_. That wasn't what I was expecting," he laughed.

"Yeah well… I'm impatient."

"Clearly."

"Go away. You already have a Charge to watch."

"Right. But the most interesting thing he's done in the last two hours is shit himself and as freaky as I can get, I'm just not into that."

"I would be worried if you were."

"Me too, honestly. I'd be hopelessly desperate."

"You aren't already?"

"Ouch. My bleeding heart. Your words, they wound me," Reno huffed dramatically, adding a overly fake sniffle at the end.

"Good. Maybe once you die I can dump you in the river so you can't sit on me anymore."

"Alright fine," the redhead grumped and stood again. "Am I ever going to be allowed to sit on the couch?"

"Nope. It's mine."

"How do you figure?"

"I've laid claim to it. I can pee on it if you really need me to get serious about it."

"Ew, okay _no_."

"Seems we're in agreement then," Leon said. Ever defiant, Reno went to retrieve his own computer and came back out to the sofa. He wedged himself between Leon's legs, draping his own limbs over the brunette's thigh and used his butt as an arm rest. "That has to be the most awkward sensation I've felt in a while."

"Glad I could enhance your day, then," Reno said, patting the side of the brunette's cheeks dutifully.

Leon ignored him and started paying attention to his computer again. Anna had spent the length of Sam's phone call on the couch, watching over the back of it like she was waiting for him to attack her. She watched him with wide eyes when he hung up and came towards her. He stopped at the back of the couch and raised a brow at her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Watching you."

"Okay well… what did you want to do today?"

"You're staying home?"

"Apparently so. I'm okay with it, are you?"

"Yes," she said, turning around to sit properly. He sat with her.

"So… yeah. What did you want to do?" he repeated.

_Get bored and have sex already,_ Leon grumbled to himself.

"I… don't know," she said.

_Do it_.

"We could go shopping?"

_No. Upstairs._

"…I don't really need anything."

_Do it_.

"Neither do I," Sam sighed and slouched in his spot.

_Do it_.

"We could watch TV," Anna offered.

_Upstairs._

"Sure," the man agreed. Leon immediately planted his face in the couch cushion with an exasperated sigh. Reno patted his butt again reassuringly.

_I'm going to cry_.

The couple settled in together as they had the evening before. Leon considered a nap for himself as the minutes dragged on and nothing important happened. After a half hour of waiting, Sam had relaxed enough to fall asleep which was the exact opposite of what he needed to be doing. Shortly after he drifted off, Anna noticed and pushed herself up to look at him. She looked unsure of something. She left Sam on the couch and went into the kitchen. Leon was surprised the man didn't wake up. He steered the camera into the kitchen to find the woman digging around in the cupboards for something. The Carrier's heart sunk when she retrieved a small box. It was Sam's and he kept it as far away from himself whenever possible. Inside were several pre-portioned syringes full of Mako. Of the set of five, only one was missing.

"What are you doing?" Sam chimed abruptly, startling Anna and Leon both. She quickly closed the case and shifted her eyes to the floor.

"I was just—"

"Number one, I don't want either of us to use them. Number two, even if I didn't mind, you could've killed yourself had you taken one of those. Those doses are measured to my weight and size, you know. Why do you want to use them?" he asked, the anger only singeing the ends of his words. He stepped to her and took the case from her and set it aside. Her hands came up defensively as she expected him to strike her. He scowled and pulled her to his chest and hugged her instead. "Why?" he repeated.

"It makes me less nervous," she said quietly.

"What's making you nervous?"

"Going back to the way it was…" she trailed.

"Oh," he deadpanned. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm trying to make myself not get upset," she said, pushing away from him enough so she could see his face. "I like you, so I don't have any reason to be so nervous; but I am and I don't know how else to stop myself. I'm just… trying to move forward like you said I should," she said, looking off to the side.

"Well no amount of Mako is going to help you do that, that's for damn sure," Sam snorted. He reached a hand up and gently pulled her face back to look at him. Before she could protest he pressed their lips together firmly. She tensed but he pulled back quickly. "I can help you," he said. Her cheeks turned bright pink. He kissed her briefly and pulled back again, she was a little more receptive. "You can tell me what you like, and what you don't like." Another kiss. "And I will listen to every word." Another kiss. "So you can feel as comfortable as possible." Another kiss. "The last thing I want is to hurt you," he said, giving her a second to respond. She rested her forehead against his, eyes worried and unsure. She swallowed thickly and nodded some.

"Okay."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: ***Goes out and buys Leon a pair of creepy stalker goggles*

* * *

Chapter 15

Leon was completely satisfied with Sam and Anna's goings on. He was happy they were getting so comfortable with one another, he was happy that Cloud had a semi-stable household to be raised in if that was how things were done. He was happy Sam stopped forcing himself to follow the government's every whim, and he was happy that Anna was happy. But, in the back of his mind, he was sort of sorry he got what he asked for. After the initial upset and weird womanly emotional part of Anna and Sam's first civil romp together, something clicked and suddenly a flash flood of 'sex now as much as possible' descended upon them both and Leon found it increasingly difficult to have the nerve to check in on them. There were days where he ignored his computer entirely just so he could feel less like a lecherous stalker even if the intention behind it all had never changed.

Once a sense of peace and normalcy took over the house, Sam got a little more daring. He would do his patrols like he was supposed to, watching out for any excessive non-sexual violence and thievery, but when he was handed a list of addresses, he ignored it as best he could. If the women he visited were vehemently against sleeping with him, he would leave before he could lose control and do anything to them and move onto the next one. He couldn't avoid the initial jolt of Mako to his system so he really needed _some_ relief but he stuck to his guns and stayed away from the unwilling participants. If the government ever noticed, Leon didn't know about it.

Once he was home though, if Sam didn't jump Anna first, she was in his face practically forcing him to. The staircase, the bathroom (and it's various fixtures), the kitchen, the hallways, the bedrooms, the living room, no horizontal surface was safe anymore and when he _was_ paying attention, Leon had to make sure he was on the ceiling or a wall so his camera wasn't crushed. As the weeks passed, neither of them said they loved one another, but the Carrier liked to think they did. Because when they weren't having sex, they were talking. Sam listened to everything Anna had to say about anything and she was able to use him as a springboard out of her crippling depression. When she was home alone during the day, Leon noticed she had a lot more energy, and when Sam got home, she was eager to go out and do something with him.

It wasn't perfect, but even with the stressors of Sam's 'job' and family problems, it was a far cry from what it once was and Leon was happy they were moving forward together. They started sleeping in the same bed, Anna got a new wardrobe (after christening the dressing room together), she was taking really good care of herself, and all was as peaceful as it could be. It took a while, but after nearly two months of happiness together, Anna _finally_ became pregnant again and Leon just about shot through the roof.

Reno only noticed that the brunette got a little twitchy though. Leon's brand of excitement wasn't hyperactive or as loud as the redhead expected it to be. Rather, it was more of a tense sort of quietness that took over him and made him less able to multitask and he spent most of his time zeroed in on one thing at a time. Mostly his attention was glued to the computer, but just about anything else was treated the same way. He hardly ever stopped moving though. Even if it was just a simple drumming of his fingers on the table or a constant wiggling of his toes, it was enough for Reno to say 'oh, Leon's twitching again; he must be excited about something.'

Once Anna started showing, things between her and Sam calmed. And by 'calmed' it was implied that the rampant intercourse subsided. It didn't stop the rest of whatever they could come up with which was perhaps even _more_ awkward to walk in on than the actual sex. At least when they were on top of one another a certain percentage of the important bits were covered up and it was easily ignorable. But recently, Leon found himself in a new mentality.

'_Oh, I see you two have each other's faces in the others genitals again. That's fine. Just making sure you haven't suffocated one another. I'll be over here making tea. Have fun. Crazy kids.'_ Then he would have the insatiable urge to hide in the corner for an hour.

"You're being dramatic," Reno would tell him.

"I beg to differ," Leon would grumble in return as he closed his computer quickly and set it aside.

"Oh come on. I think it's cute."

"I see enough of them as it is, I really don't need to see _everything_. I'm good."

"Not one for free porn?"

"I don't see the appeal of pornography in general, let alone pornography of my Charge's parents," Leon huffed, sending Reno a sideways glare. "Please don't tell me you masturbate to Rude's parents."

"No. I don't. I jerk off to my own fantasies, thank you. Those ones mostly involve Rude by himself though."

"Infant or adult Rude?"

"Adult! Augh! Seriously? You really think I'm that gross?" Reno whined.

"I don't know what to think about you half the time, honestly," Leon said nonchalantly.

"Okay, asshole, what do _you_ masturbate to then?" the redhead asked, leaning over and getting uncomfortably close to the brunette's face. Leon scowled and thought about it.

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah. Since you're so high and mighty."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Really really?"

"Yes!"

"I don't remember the last time I masturbated," Leon said flatly.

"That's a lie."

"I'm serious."

"I don't believe you."

"Okay, that's fine. But it's true," the brunette defended. And it was. Even with everything that played out in front of him between Anna and Aïr, and later Sam, he didn't think about sex very often in relation to himself. He didn't understand the appeal of pornography because if he was going to get all hot and bothered over something, he didn't understand how watching someone else having all the fun was supposed to help. He'd much rather have someone get involved with him anyway since masturbating made him feel marginally pathetic. Reno obviously didn't understand that mentality at all but dropped the subject since he was obviously going nowhere fast.

Leon discovered there were two types of cameras he could use. One was the kind he had been using since the beginning. Their major capabilities were watching, recording, and picking up pieces of skin and hair to use to compile a genetic profile. Most Carriers used those throughout their entire operation. But Reno shared the news that there was another kind they could use to get better samples and make the profile more quickly. He apparently found the schematics for the new bug in one of the Elder's books Leon chose to ignore. It was a little bigger than the normal cameras but was faceted with a tiny needle that could draw in a couple drops of blood like a mosquito. Leon had mixed feelings about that; he wasn't sure he wanted to make Cloud bleed just so he could have something sooner that was going to happen on its own anyway.

"So did you stab Rude?" Leon asked when he took in Reno's completed genetic profile.

"Nope. His parents had him circumcised and I totally jumped in there and stole a piece when no one was looking," the redhead said. The brunette gaped at him.

"I don't know if I should feel repulsed or impressed with your insight."

"It was gross. I really don't want to do it again, but it got me what I needed. Regardless, I had planned on using one of these things even if I hadn't seen that opportunity. They're bigger and can hold a bigger sample than the normal ones. But I got Rude's profile done in one go. I have some bugs leftover for you to use if you want," he offered.

"I still don't know if I want to poke him though. What if I hurt him?"

"Honestly, I don't think that's an issue. You could probably do it while he's asleep and he'd never notice."

"True…"

"The only reason I'm encouraging you to do it is because partial profiles are finicky. Skin and hair work, but they take way more time. Hell, you might even have to poke him a few times before you get enough blood for a full profile, but the more time you take building one, the more chances there are for the computer to get confused and send the camera off to watch the parents again. That's fine while they're babies because they all stick together and it doesn't matter so much, but skin and hair samples take _years_ to build up and that's too much time to risk separation. Especially in this hellhole. I'm waiting for Rude's parent's house to explode one of these days just because Midgar is a bunch of dicks."

"Yeah…" Leon trailed, still unsure. Reno smiled.

"You're so cute."

"How do you figure?"

"The kid isn't even born yet and you're worrying about him."

"Well, he's sort of important."

"I know, but I have yet to worry about Rude."

"Rude also doesn't live in the capitol."

"Very true. Alright fine, you win. But seriously, three drops of blood isn't going to bleed the kid dry."

"I know. But I'd feel awful if he _does_ feel it and starts screaming."

"Tell me about it. I have yet to hear Rude scream as loud as he did when his mom would change him after his circumcision. Eugh," Reno shivered. "I'm really happy all my skin is still attached. At least with infants, they forget about it. Could you imagine if we—"

"Alright! Thank you. That's enough," Leon interjected, shoving the redhead some. Reno laughed.

"Snip snip, baby."

"Reno!"

"You're too easy sometimes," the other teased.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Can we move onto less horrifying things please? Cameras. Where are they?" the brunette said quickly. Reno went into his bedroom and returned with a small box. Leon took it from him. Inside was over a dozen of the bigger camera bugs and he nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem."

* * *

After so many years of waiting and forcing himself to be patient (sort of), the emotional roller coaster parked in front of the hospital on the day of Anna's induction. Anna and Sam were allowed off the ride but Leon decided that he needed to stay on the metaphor and ride around in circles while driving himself insane. He wanted to stand the couple on a few sets of wheels and shove them down the hall, to make them hurry up, but he was helpless behind his computer screen. All he could do was stare at them like a hopeful puppy in the window of a pet store, wide eyed and expecting.

Once Anna was settled on the bed, as per the normal routine, Sam started to pace. They waited for over fifteen minutes before the nurse, doctor, and the Captain came in with two random soldiers that seemed to serve no real purpose. Sam was about to greet the man when he stopped himself and looked confused. Leon agreed with his sentiments.

"Where's Captain Flynn?" he asked. The man in the doorway was not only the wrong Captain, but he had a child with him. A young child. He couldn't have been more than five years old. The man, presumably his father, shrugged.

"Vacation. I'm Captain Strahl. This is my son, Sephiroth," he said, waggling the finger the dark haired, green eyed child was hanging onto. "He's going to be a great General one day, aren't you?" he asked, looking down at the boy. Sephiroth nodded, scooting behind his father's leg shyly. "At any rate, he's here to be enriched."

_Again, stupid names. Why all the stupid names? _Leon asked himself.

"Enriched," Sam stated flatly with a frown. The Captain nodded.

"Oh yes. Start them early and they're bound to be a success. Wouldn't want him to fall behind would I?"

"Is it really necessary for him to be here? It's sort of a private moment."

"I wasn't aware I gave you a choice," the man said snidely. Anna fidgeted on the bed, picking at her nails.

"It's okay," she said quietly. Sam glanced at her and sighed. Taking that as a cue to continue, the Captain scooped the child up and went to sit with him across from the end of the bed. Sephiroth leaned back against his father's chest and the man took out his tiny handheld device that all the Captains seemed to have. He handed the stylus off to his son, which surprised Leon. Sam didn't look happy in the least and pulled his own seat up close to Anna's side and sat with a huff and a crease in his brow.

"Balamb?" Sephiroth asked, looking over his shoulder to his father. The Captain nodded. The child poked at the screen a few times. They both seemed to be focusing on a list of some sort, but Leon's attention was diverted when Anna was practically attacked and stripped of her pants by the nurse. Sephiroth glanced at her, then to Sam, and then went back to the device.

"What does Balamb have to do with this?" Sam asked, taking off his coat and draping it over Anna's lap.

"You're from there," Sephiroth interjected before his father could say anything.

"So?"

"Faggots are from there," the child concluded. Sam balked at him. The Captain's face split in the most malicious smile Leon had ever seen on a person. The dark look in his eyes made the Carrier's fingers turn cold. The lack of understanding wasn't helping things either. He really wished he had a law book or something to help him.

"Wh—I… _what_?" Sam sputtered. The Captain laughed and leaned in close to talk directly into the child's ear. Sephiroth nodded and poked at the device again.

"His deductive reasoning skills are remarkable," Captain Strahl said.

"You do realize that this child is mine, right? I was under the impression homosexuals can't have children together. And don't quote me on it, but I'm pretty sure Anna isn't a man. So I would really like to know how _any _of that makes me gay," Sam deadpanned.

"You're from Balamb," Sephiroth said. The Captain held his hands up in an expressive shrug as if to say '_what more reason do you need_?'

"Words cannot express how fucked up you people are," Sam said. The Captain frowned and covered his son's ears with his hands.

"Language. There are children here," he chastised. Sam rubbed his brows in frustration with an exasperated sigh. He flexed his jaw, grinding his teeth together as he kept himself in line and quietly seethed in his seat. The doctor stepped to Anna's opposite side and quickly injected her with the usual round of drugs. She reached over and tossed Sam's coat off her lap.

Throughout the entire twisted birthing process, Sephiroth was attentively watching while his father busied himself with the tiny computer. Leon muted his own computer when Anna's screams started. Sam was right there holding her hand and trying to comfort her as best as he could. The Carrier doubted he would ever get used to such horrific practices no matter how many births he saw and his gut twisted into knots when the blood spurted from her. The sheer amount of trauma she was going through was all he could think about. The only time he felt relieved was when it was over, the baby was out, and the Captain healed her before he did anything else. The nurse wiped the infant clean and handed it off to the man once he was finished with Anna. He smiled as he opened the wrappings to see the gender.

Leon had never been happier to see a penis in his _life_.

"Well?" Sam asked anxiously as he helped Anna sit up and covered her with his coat again, ignoring the bloody mess on the bed. The Captain ignored him and handed the baby off to one of the soldiers that were waiting by the door.

"Get him tested and find him a wet nurse. I'll be down to the clinic soon," the Captain said. The soldier nodded and immediately left, baby in hand.

_Whoa, where're you going with that?_ Leon asked.

"Wait!" Sam barked and stomped towards the doors. The Captain turned and put a hand on the other man's chest and shoved him back a few inches.

"He belongs to the government," he said flatly.

"We can't even see him?" Anna piped from her bed. Leon was only half listening as he made his camera follow the soldier out of the room.

"He's _our _son!" Sam protested.

"Are you not aware of the laws in this country?" the Captain asked impatiently. Sephiroth moved to his father's side and tugged on his sleeve. The man stooped and picked the child up.

"Well why do you get to keep yours?" Sam persisted, his voice echoed down the hall, Leon's camera crawling over the doorframe.

"Tell them why," the Captain said, looking to his child. Sephiroth looked Sam straight in the eye with an expressionless face.

"Because my daddy's not a faggot."

* * *

Leon's chest hurt as he left Anna and Sam behind and followed after his Charge. He didn't want to leave them like that, but his priorities needed to be in order. He considered sending a few cameras their way after things settled with Cloud, if for no other reason than to keep tabs on them and ease his curious mind. He doubted he would ever see either of them again if he didn't specifically go out to find them, and he felt horrible about it. Anna was a little screwed up, but neither of them were necessarily bad people and the recent circumstances were most definitely going to hurt them. But he needed to focus. He could always catch up with the parents later.

The soldier carrying Cloud was followed by the doctor that had 'assisted' in Anna's 'birth.' They both ducked into a room that was supposedly the clinic, but the Carrier wasn't convinced. The infant wailed away as he was shifted around, all of his joints and limbs being felt closely by the doctor's hands. His blood was drawn and his airways were checked and made sure they were clear even though Leon thought that the very healthy sounding screams were enough indication. If anything, he was wondering why they weren't making sure he was covered as much as possible. Cloud was probably freezing the entire ten minutes they had him laying out on the exam table.

_What the hell is wrong with you people?_ Leon grumped. The entire system confused him. The 'clinic' had hardly anything in it aside from a huge pile of blankets, a few tables, and some basic medical supplies any idiot could go down to the store and buy. There were no monitors, no buggies to set the newborns in, no incubators, no neonatal equipment that he could recognize; there wasn't even a scale to see how much the infants weighed. The rumored 'tests' they needed to run apparently didn't amount to anything more than a visual inspection because there sure as hell wasn't anything else they could use to get any data. There wasn't even any documentation on the walls that gave him any indication that the 'medical' staff was in any way qualified to be handling his Charge, either. Leon had a sinking suspicion he knew how the interview process went.

'_So you want to be a neonatal care doctor, yeah? Do you promise to not kick the babies down hallways or drop them off the roof? You do? Good. When can you start?'_

"Well?" a voice chimed from the doorway. It was Captain Strahl with Sephiroth in tow. The boy broke away from his father to skitter over to the table to stare at the newborn. Leon wanted to boot the creepy child away immediately.

"No traces of geostigma that I could see," the doctor said. The Captain handed off a chart and the woman busied herself with scribbling on it. The random soldier left quietly once he had heard that everything was fine and the Captain retrieved a blanket.

"Did you decide where you wanted to send this one?" the man asked his son as Sephiroth watched him swaddle the newborn.

_Send him back to his parents where he needs to be, damn it,_ Leon spat.

"Nibelheim," the boy said. The Captain made a thoughtful face before he nodded and went to sit with Cloud. Sephiroth climbed onto the arm of the chair and tugged at the blanket some so he could see the baby's face.

"Okay. Did you think of a name?" the Captain asked. Leon immediately held his face in his hands. Sephiroth looked around the room before he looked back to Cloud's blanket where there were zillions of tiny puffy white clouds dotted all over its baby blue backdrop. The Carrier could see where this was going even before the child said anything.

"Cloud."

"God _**fucking**_ damn it," Leon barked aloud, throwing his arms up in the air. "Seriously? _Seriously_? _Come on! _Why does the five year old get to make these decisions?" he asked himself angrily, running a hand over his face. In his mind, the whole of Midgar's idiotic name theme had just been explained. He suddenly felt like he should turn the entire city into a crater and save the populace the _anguish_ of being called stupid names for the rest of their lives.

"Fine," the Captain agreed. The doctor scribbled some more on the chart before handing it off to the man to check over. He glanced at it and tucked it under his arm before standing again and heading for the door. Sephiroth teetered after him and they left together, taking Cloud somewhere else. Leon sighed and followed after them, mentally ticking off the list of everything they were doing wrong.

A little relief came when they entered the next room. First, it looked like a room a baby would want to be kept in. It was colorful and had an overall soft feeling to it; like someone thought longer than ten seconds when designing it and actually cared. Second, there were a few women with infants already in there and they all looked like they knew what they were doing. Their demeanors were vastly different from the blank emotionless 'doctor' and welcomed Cloud with smiles and open arms. Perhaps the best part was when the Captain and his demented spawn left because Leon's sense of impending doom dissipated and he was able to breathe a little better.

The wet nurse that took his Charge did another brief look-over but took the time to check his reflexes, his pulse, and listen to his lungs, which Leon was thankful for, but felt it was done a little late. Cloud could've suffocated ten times over by the time a proper examination was done, but he pushed it aside and tried to just be happy that he was presumably healthy. The Captain had left the newborn's chart behind and the woman took it to an available chair with her so she could attempt to feed Cloud. Leon relaxed when she managed to get him to latch on to her breast for a few minutes.

The Carrier ran his fingers through his hair and tried to mentally force his nerves to calm. He watched the pair fumble around together as Cloud decided he didn't want to cooperate and wanted to order the filet mignon instead of whatever the woman was offering him. He smiled. He decided that that squishy little pink thing was his, and that everyone that came in contact with him before he could was simply borrowing him. He planned on charging rental fees. With interest. The fees would be paid with 'stay the fuck out of my way' money when it came time to take Cloud home with him. And just so that everything was clear, he felt he needed to suction cup a little sign to Cloud's forehead that said:

_Property of 9x8b._

_Back the fuck off._

_

* * *

_

Cloud stayed in the hospital for almost a week before the arrangements were made for him to be moved. The only reason Leon could come up with for why he was being moved in the first place was that the government just felt like being bigoted. Whatever their aversion to homosexuals was, whatever problems they had with Balamb, whatever stick was shoved up their asses, it didn't excuse taking Cloud away from his parents. It confused him to no end but he couldn't do anything about it so he let it go. So long as Cloud was safe, he was okay.

The first night in the hospital was Leon's most productive. He took Reno's advice and used the bigger camera bugs to steal a few drops of his Charge's blood. The whole process was a little weird when he really thought about it but it was necessary. Like a mosquito bite, Cloud didn't feel anything. Or at least he didn't feel enough to wake up from his nap. The Carrier felt a little better afterward. He didn't get a chance to get any more before Cloud was being whisked away to wherever Nibelheim was, and he worried about it. But he was diligent in keeping his cameras with the baby so he didn't have to leave it up to them to try and find him again. He wasn't prepared to go back and see Anna and Sam yet and didn't want to risk losing Cloud in the process.

Traveling held its own bevy of concerns. Cloud wasn't the only infant being moved and he and several other children were loaded into a van with their wet nurses and hauled off into the city. The ride was relatively short and smooth so it stayed pretty quiet, but as soon as Leon realized where they were when they stopped, he almost punched his fist through the computer screen. It was an airport. If the Carrier had any sort of confidence in the cleanliness of Midgar's aircrafts he might have felt better about it, but he didn't, so he wasn't. In addition to that, the infants were being carried by their nurses in slings versus any sort of legitimate safety seat. The whole situation didn't sit well with him and before he could get seriously angry, he stopped watching and went fishing.

Taking a break helped. He had time to clear his head and pull himself together. Plus, the water was active that day and he secured a good catch. He came back a few hours later smelling of fish innards but feeling substantially better. He took a good long shower before going back to his computer and picking up where he left off. He hadn't missed much. His camera was still right where he left it, tucked into the pocket of Cloud's wet nurse's apron. They were on the plane and from what he could hear, all was peaceful. The flight lasted for another two hours before they were allowed to disembark. Leon spent most of that time in a light snooze, waking only when Cloud started fussing.

After the airport, they took another long car ride. They stopped a few times to grab a bite to eat, stretch, and use the restroom, but it was just as dull as the rest of the traveling so far so it was forgettable. Leon really debated with himself on why the Midgar government felt the need to move the infants so far away. He tossed around several ideas, like moving potential soldiers to places where they needed more of them, but the concept seemed sort of useless with newborns. Unless the military was making use of loaded diapers somehow, the Carrier really doubted their worth in the battlefield.

Perhaps even more perplexing was how they all started to split up at various intervals along the car ride. They would stop in a city or town, drop off a wet nurse and wait a half hour or so and she would come back without her baby. Then they would continue on to the next stop where the same thing happened. Four towns and several hours later, it was nighttime and Leon's map told him that they were really far from where they started but Cloud had yet to be dropped off. He was the last one and by the time they got to Nibelheim everyone was exhausted and Cloud was telling everyone how _pissed_ he was that he was still smashed up against some random woman's breast. Granted it was warm, but a guy needs to stretch a little every now and again.

_I know kid. I'd be annoyed too_, Leon sympathized.

Tucked between two different mountain ranges, Nibelheim was a stark contrast to Midgar. It was much smaller and much more colorful. Leon's immediate impression was that it wasn't a complete shithole; it was actually a cute little place. The buildings were country-ish in style, made mostly of cobbled stone and framed in wide pieces of lumber, and there was a bevy of plants around every one of them in all shapes and colors. Houses tended to either stand by themselves or were planted on top of a business in one of the shopping strips. There was a town center that seemed to have just about everything anyone could need but in a much smaller package. Family run businesses and small-time commerce was mainstream there, and at first glance, the people seemed hospitable.

The vehicle wove its way through the sleepy town into the outward residential area. The free standing houses were implanted into the nature around them, becoming part of the landscape the farther back they went. Cloud's stop was at the biggest house in its immediate area. It seemed very old fashioned with its splintery old door with cast iron hinges and handle but there was a lantern outside on the wall next to it with a light bulb, so at least he knew it had electricity. Structurally, it was fine, but the finishes were either really well done to look the way they did, or perhaps Nibelheim was just that old. Leon tried not to judge. He knew his standards were set high; the wet nurse's breasts could've been made of gold and he still would've found a problem with her somewhere.

"Nana!" a childish squeal came from behind the window next to the door. The curtains wafted around as whoever it was bounded into the house. The wet nurse knocked anyway while Leon wiggled his camera out of her apron and onto the ground. The squeaky door was pulled open by a rather petite woman with long black hair that fell to her waist. She looked to be around her late thirties with deep blue eyes that Leon was immediately leery of. She was thin, but not frail. Her hands were aged, suggesting a lot of work in her past, but she was well taken care of otherwise and it didn't reflect anywhere else. She greeted the woman with a wide smile and they held a brief exchange before the nurse handed her Cloud and a packet of papers. She left quietly afterward and Leon was left with the new woman.

As he followed her inside, Leon's ears were assaulted by excited yelling between three other child inhabitants. The woman shushed the others as she breezed past them and went to sit in an old rocking chair in the main living space. The house opened up into a small entryway before dumping into a hallway that branched off to the main living area and the kitchen. On the far wall of the living room there was a large staircase that went upstairs. So far, everything seemed to be made of wood and stone. The walls were made of some sort of poured masonry, the floors were squeaky old wood planks covered in some areas by large ornate rugs. The furniture was all ancient looking, antiques, and padded with elaborate patterns and muted colors. There was a small television in the living room as well as several lamps but the lighting was lacking and very dim.

"Is it a girl?" one of the children asked. All three of them looked to be around the same age; five, maybe six years old. The one that asked was a girl herself, with wild rusty red hair tied back into a lopsided ponytail and light amber eyes. She stood next to the chair, wide eyed and curious, looking down at Cloud hopefully. Nana shook her head and the girl's expression immediately deflated.

"Not this time," the woman said to her. The two other children, two boys, let out a cheer and looked to each other excitedly. Again, Nana shushed them and they settled for playfully shoving each other around to dispense of their energy.

"That's not fair. Why can't it ever be a girl?" the other pouted.

"I'm sure we'll get another one soon, Jessie. It's alright," Nana said. Jessie folded her arms over her chest defiantly. The woman laid Cloud out on top of her thighs and unwrapped him from his cocoon to look him over and let him stretch for a minute.

The first time Cloud opened his eyes, shortly after he was born, Leon had been surprised to find that his eyes weren't blue, but a borderline greenish color. He still had the neutral sort of coloration newborns tended to have but at first glance, the Carrier could see that no amount of darkening was going to make his eyes as vibrant as they were in his Charge profile picture. That bothered him. In the end, he didn't care what color Cloud's eyes were but the indication so far was that his Charge wasn't born with the eyes he was going to end up with. He wasn't given them by his druggie parents as Zack had said might happen and he was most likely going to earn them once he was old enough to be drafted.

Leon didn't like how upset he felt over that idea. He didn't realize how much he already cared about Cloud and how much he wanted to lock him in a safe box until it was time to leave. He felt antsy knowing what was coming for his Charge. He didn't like how he had no say over Cloud's safety and wellbeing. He didn't want to raise him. He wanted to be a separate entity, not his father, but for whatever reason he felt no one else could keep his Charge safe as well as he could. His Charge. His Cloud. His baby. No one else's. His possessiveness scared him a bit, too. Watching Cloud grow up suddenly felt like it was going to be his biggest challenge yet.

Obviously, Cloud couldn't give two shits about anything at this stage of his life aside from his own basic needs. Nana took him upstairs to a little nursery and laid him in a crib for the evening. Leon waited until she left before scooting his camera in next to him. Cloud wasn't sleeping again just yet, and probably couldn't see him very well between the low lighting and his infant eyes, but he was facing the bug and Leon wanted to believe he was aware of him. He wished he had a speaker and microphone or something he could use to talk to Cloud, just so he would know that he had someone out there that genuinely cared about him even before he was born. That if his life got tough, which it probably would, that Leon was more than willing to take him away from it to a life of peace and fulfillment.

He had to stop himself before he could get legitimately upset. Everything he had seen over the previous five years scared him to death when he thought about Cloud growing up in that environment. Granted, Nibelheim seemed like an okay place, but it was still part of Midgar and ultimately under the same government. He also couldn't help but feel sort of like a creepy stalker now that Cloud was there and staring at him. It was a bit of a surreal feeling. _Finally_ his Charge was there and looking at him and all Leon could do was wave at the computer screen and hope it translated somehow through a mechanical cockroach. That all sounded way less innocent than he wanted it to; his intentions weren't anything but good, but it was still weird.

_Oh well,_ Leon told himself. Cloud zoned out and drifted off relatively quickly and the Carrier was able to move in and steal a few more drops of blood. Creepy stalker or no, he still had work to do, even if his methods made him uneasy.

At the very least he could say it was a labor of love.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 16

Nana ran an orphanage. Leon laughed at the concept since he doubted any of the children there were actually orphans. Regardless, she seemed like a nice woman. Jessie, along with the two older boys, Biggs and Wedge, all seemed happy and well taken care of. The boys were inseparable, and if they didn't look so different, Leon would've said they were brothers. Biggs was thinner and darker skinned than Wedge who was rather pudgy and pale. They both had dark hair and dark eyes but their physical similarities stopped there. Their friendship was very much a leader/follower relationship, with Biggs being far more outspoken than Wedge, who tended to hang around in the background and observe. To Leon, they were just kids and held no real significance to him. He just hoped, for their sake, that their names were nicknames.

Jessie was practically glued to Nana's side whenever she could be. Oftentimes she would be shooed outside to follow after Biggs and Wedge but it was usually met with a lot of protesting. She liked to help with everything. Cleaning, cooking, and running to the store were all on her priorities list. She and the other two lived upstairs while Nana's bedroom was on the main floor. The bedrooms were some of the biggest in the house but they were shared spaces. Aside from the nursery, there were a few beds in each room for each gender and Jessie was by herself. Leon could understand why she wanted another girl to pal around with. She was very much the third wheel of the group.

The house was planted on a sizeable piece of land that dumped out into the mountainside. There was a well trimmed back yard surrounded by a rock wall and several yards of wildflowers on all sides. Beyond that, there was the wall that made the border for the city, but otherwise it was wild mountainside nature. Leon was surprised there was so much life there; apparently Midgar's reach and death touch hadn't graced the land yet. There wasn't a lot of advanced technology in the city, either. A lot of buildings were heated by fireplaces and used fat wood burning stoves to cook with. There was running water, though some places had wells, and there was _some_ electricity. Television and lights were about the limitations of what the people cared to use. All in all, Nibelheim wasn't a bad place. It was much cleaner and friendlier than the capitol was, but there was one glaring contrast that Leon could see that stood out from everything else.

There wasn't any Mako.

He wasn't sure if he just wasn't seeing enough of the city or if it was genuinely that much different. There weren't any soldiers patrolling the streets either. He saw families with two parents and children running around; some even had pets. He was sure he was missing something. The entire place seemed a little too picturesque. The only complaint he could come up with was the lack of anything educational like a school or library, but that was it. Cloud's illiteracy still bothered him, but he couldn't ask for much more so he let it slide. He would deal with it when he had to.

Watching babies sleep was _really_ boring. After Leon's initial fascination with Cloud wore off, he decided his Charge wasn't all that exciting just yet. The newborn was asleep eighty percent of the time and if he wasn't doing that, he was either being fed, changed, or bathed. Once a few days of such thrilling activities passed, the Carrier went outside and did other things. He was okay with the knowledge that Cloud's digestive tract worked. He really didn't feel the need to _see_ it work.

When Cloud was two months old, Leon started to watch a little more. He still wasn't very exciting but the rare smile is what the Carrier hoped to see. They were few and far between but when they did happen he couldn't help but smile back. He also completed Cloud's genetic profile around that time so he was able to leave his cameras out longer without being overly obsessive about keeping the feed open. He didn't have to worry about losing Cloud anymore.

"Aaaw, look at that drool," Reno cooed, leaning over the back of the couch and resting his chin on Leon's head. The brunette had his computer propped up on his knees, the screen zeroed in on Cloud sleeping. Thrilling.

"It happens. I just hope he grows out of it," Leon said.

"Eh, I can take it or leave it. If Rude wants to drool, he can drool. He just has to keep it on his pillow and off of me and my personal bubble."

"I wasn't aware people could keep their personal bubbles once they started sleeping in the same bed with someone."

"I'm determined to have my space."

"I see. Are you going to give him a list of all the rules?"

"I should, shouldn't I? I should make a spreadsheet."

"I would think that'd be a deterrent. Your love comes with a contract and conditions?" Leon asked.

"Oh he has my love already. It's whether or not he'll be happy while having my love is the question," Reno chuckled. The brunette sighed and rolled his eyes. "What? You don't love Cloud yet?"

"That's not the part I was—never mind. Is there a reason you're hanging on me?" Leon asked, leaning to the side, causing Reno's chin to lose its resting place. The redhead gave him a small shrug and a tiny smile.

"Just wanted some contact," he said. Leon raised a brow.

"Feeling okay?" he asked. Reno shrugged.

"I just miss having a bunch of people around. The Shumi are nice and all but they don't hang around me like my family does. Did. Used to. Something. I don't know…" he trailed. He thought about it and laughed briefly. "I miss my herd, I guess is a better way of putting it. My Totem tells me I'm supposed to be leaving the maternal herd and finding my own way but my Implant side is telling me togetherness is good. So I've been trying to figure out which I want to listen to and just decided I wanted a hug."

"You're such a sap."

"I know. We could always do like the Bison do and make a dude herd and wander around and find bitches to screw," Reno giggled. Leon scowled.

"Right, and while we're out wandering, if I get hungry, all I have to do is lean over and take a bite."

"See? Win/win situation."

"I didn't expect you to agree so readily."

"If it gives me someone to hang out with on a consistent basis, I'm okay. Besides, if I get a head start, I could probably outrun you."

"You'd have to have the opportunity to get a head start though, is the problem. If I'm trying to chew your leg off, I'm not quite sure how well that would work out."

"I could just stomp on you too. I'm sort of fat."

"You said it, not me."

"Can't deny the facts," Reno said and hefted himself over the back of the couch to sit next to the brunette. Leon resettled in his spot to continue watching Cloud. Meanwhile, the redhead stared a hole in the side of his head. They sat there quietly for over fifteen minutes before Leon realized Reno was looking at him.

"Uh… yes?" the brunette asked.

"I was sort of serious about that hug," Reno said sheepishly. Leon sat up and leaned over. He put his arm around the other's shoulders and gave them a squeeze before retreating back to his spot. The redhead frowned. "That was a shit hug."

"I'm sorry? I'm really not sure what you're expecting me to do," the brunette said.

"Well it's normal for people to actually _face _who they're hugging versus that one armed lean over bullshit," the redhead huffed. Leon rolled his eyes again and leaned forward to set his computer on the coffee table. He turned in his seat and held his arms open, giving Reno an annoyed face. The redhead purposefully shoved himself into the brunette's chest, pushing Leon backwards onto the cushions. Once he was firmly planted in place, Reno settled on his stomach, arms wrapped around the brunette's waist, holding him still.

"What the fuck? Get off!" Leon barked, trying to shove the other away. Reno squeezed his midsection tightly.

"Just give me a minute, okay?" he asked, looking up at the brunette's face with a pathetic expression. Leon was prepared to shove him away again but stopped himself and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Let me move for a second," he muttered and Reno let up enough so he could situate himself more comfortably. The redhead scooted up so he could rest his face on Leon's sternum and lay contentedly between his legs. Leon propped a few pillows up behind his head but made no move to actually hug Reno back or commit to touching him more than he already was.

"Thanks," the redhead said quietly.

"Mhm. Just don't make a habit of it, I'm really… not very comfortable with this," Leon said stiffly. Reno looked up at him.

"Sorry. You didn't sleep with anyone when you were first matured?"

"I did."

"And you didn't like it?"

"It's not that… this just isn't the same. I don't feel the _need_ to have…" Leon trailed, stopping himself when he realized what he was saying. The truth was, he _did_ want to have someone. The togetherness aspect is what he really wanted; he didn't feel the need for a relationship. He didn't like being alone, but he had gotten used to it. It was awkward to have that sort of companionship with Reno, as he really didn't have much in common with him, but who else did he have that could understand? He didn't dislike Reno despite their differences, but he hadn't thought about accepting him into anything other than what they already had. If he did accept Reno's comfort, it'd almost be brotherly, and Leon didn't know if he wanted to have that with someone outside of his own family.

"Leon?" the redhead asked. The brunette blinked a few times, snapping out of his thoughts.

"Hm?"

"Something on your mind, space cadet?"

"No."

"Are you going to finish your sentence?"

"Just forget I said anything," the brunette said. Reno raised a brow.

"But I want to know. You didn't like sleeping with someone? I think it's comforting."

"I liked it, but just accepted when it ended and got used to being by myself."

"I forgot you don't have any family yet," the redhead said.

"…Yeah. Thanks for reminding me."

"I wasn't trying to be mean to you. I only said that because I did it all the time with my cousins. My oldest cousin, Gloria, has had a house for a long time and she and her Charge have a bunch of kids and stuff so they had to expand a lot. But the kids grew up and moved out so they have this huge house and no one to put in it so they ended up asking me and a few others to move in with them and I shared a room with my cousin Drake. So I'm not really used to sleeping by myself even if I've been doing it here for so long. It's just not the same. I'm always tired because I can never fall completely asleep."

"I would rather you not sleep with me," Leon said flatly. Reno shook his head.

"I won't, but this is enough. Is… is this okay?" he asked, giving the brunette and uneasy look.

"Yeah. I can deal with it," the other said, giving him a small smile.

* * *

Cloud was a fat baby. Babies in general were sort of pudgy, or so Leon assumed, but he thought his Charge was exceptionally so. Reno insisted that Cloud was normal but the brunette wasn't convinced. As Cloud got older and started rolling around, crawling, and pulling himself upright, the weight didn't change. With how much more active he was getting, Leon thought the weight would've at least distributed differently or even gone down but it didn't and Cloud's cherub-y fat cheeks taunted him relentlessly.

He was just too damn cute. It wasn't fair.

"Would it make you feel better if he was disfigured somehow and horribly ugly?" Reno asked. Leon, slouched in his place and glaring at his roly-poly Charge as he waddled around, gave the redhead an indignant snort.

"I feel like he's draining the testosterone out of my testicles with how fucking stupid I feel when I look at him."

"…What?"

"Well, Nana goes around making moronic faces at him and babbling like an idiot and I can't help but feel I would be doing the same ignorant shit if I was there with him too. That bothers me," Leon sighed and held his face in his hands. "I want my machismo back."

"I'm afraid that flew out the window as soon as you chose a male Charge," Reno laughed.

"How do you figure?"

"_You_ may feel you have machismo, but for the rest of your life everyone else will question you two. 'I wonder which one of them takes it in the ass,' they would ask. And if they draw their own conclusions well… your machismo is shot full of holes just by opening the question regardless of whether or not you're the one that bends over."

"I refute that logic. It's too subjective," Leon spat and crossed his arms over his chest. "That same thing applies to you, then. You're okay with that?"

"People question my sexuality all the damn time anyway. I'm way too happy and social to be all huge and lumberjack-y and 'manly' and people are bigoted enough to take that and claim that I'm gay. I honestly don't care what they think because if my being happy and outgoing is enough to make me gay, then I guess I'm gay. In reality, it doesn't matter what we are. Society may not like it, but it doesn't affect our work. We're all practically hermaphrodites anyway."

"Hermaphr—o…dites. Oh my god you're right…" Leon trailed thoughtfully. Gender didn't matter when it came time to reproduce. It was a very roundabout sort of hermaphroditism, but it was true none the less.

"Freaky, right? Though it'd be more interesting if we were simultaneous hermaphrodites."

"Thanks for that visual," the brunette sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'd really rather keep an attached vagina out of my equation. They can stay on the women."

"I agree. As much as I like babies, childbirth is just not something I need to personally experience."

"Yep," Leon deadpanned, turning his attention away from the startling revelation and back to his Charge. At seven months old, Cloud was getting himself into just about everything. He couldn't walk yet but he could pull himself up to stand and anything below two feet high was suspect to certain destruction. Several plants met their doom as well as a few bowls of cereal and cups of coffee. The child was relentless. He would grab onto whatever it was, empty it of its contents in the most haphazard fashion, and insist on swinging the object around before throwing it. Sometimes Nana would have to be called in to clean up the glass and Cloud would be hauled away so he didn't hurt himself.

Needless to say, there was a lot of chaos in the house. Nana seemed to revel in it though, which astounded Leon beyond belief. When she needed to, she kept all the children in line, dictating their every move and making them pull their weight. They did the dishes, cleaned the tables, and helped her cook when she wanted them to. Jessie was a constant for all of that already but the boys didn't get away from it; they were just less receptive. When Nana needed some peace otherwise, she would strap Cloud to her back and cart him around no matter how much he screamed. There were times when Leon had to walk away from the computer before he could get a headache from it all.

One day, Nana received a call. She sounded upbeat when talking with whoever it was and relented quickly to whatever they were asking of her. Leon didn't understand what was happening, but the next day, Nana went up into the house's attic and pulled out another crib. She spent over two hours assembling it and cleaning the dust off of it before she put it in the nursery next to Cloud's crib. It was a week later before another baby was dropped off much in the same manner Cloud had been; quietly. Nana was handed another packet of papers and sent on her way. She was bombarded by Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie again but this time, it was a cheer for the girl's side because Jessi wasn't alone anymore.

The baby was a girl, and her name was Aerith.

Leon was confused. The random addition of any wayward child felt strange. Nana didn't seem concerned about how many lived with her, which only brought up more questions. She didn't have a job outside the house, so how did she buy food? Nibelheim wasn't like Midgar and required actual currency to gain things. She obviously got the money from _somewhere_ because she went out regularly with a bag of coins and came back with armfuls of groceries. She would force the older children to help her carry it all, even. They were fed well, the bills were paid, and their clothes and toys were replaced if they ever wore out. The Carrier was suspicious, but he couldn't figure out why.

Paranoid tendencies aside, he couldn't deny that Aerith was cute. Not as cute as Cloud, in his book, but her enormous eyes were none the less captivating. His Charge's eye color darkened over the months and seemed to settle on a light hazel but Aerith's eyes were already a startling green despite how young she was. Leon estimated that she was about six months younger than Cloud based solely on what her developmental capabilities were. She couldn't even sit up yet and spent ninety percent of her time sleeping while Cloud was at the stage where he always vehemently resisted a nap. But instead of his usual screaming match at naptime, if Aerith was in the nursery with him, he was quiet. Their cribs were perpendicular to each other and he would sit with his face smashed up against the bars just _staring_ at her. He fell asleep like that a few times, which Leon found hilarious, and would wake up with marks on his face. Nana had the grace and sense of humor to take a few pictures of the scene.

Jessie fawned over Aerith like, well, like a big sister. She was forever picking the infant up and demanding she be the one to feed her and change her clothes. Nana still handled the diapers but everything else that had to do with the baby girl belonged to Jessie. The older girl paid less attention to the other chores she had gotten in the habit of doing, like helping Nana around the house, and all of her focus was zeroed in on Aerith. Cloud was sort of second on the girl's priorities list to begin with but once he noticed Aerith sucking up all the attention, he couldn't stand it. He usually expressed his displeasure by pulling things off of whatever table was closest but when that didn't work he decided to needed to yank on Jessie's hair a few times, which she was less than pleased with.

* * *

When Cloud was a year old, Leon took it upon himself to check in on Anna and Sam. He wasn't sure what to expect, but the air in the house was melancholic. Sam and Anna weren't speaking very much. Their contact was minimal. The Carrier was worried; they both looked so _miserable_. He doubted they were still upset over Cloud, but it was possible.

"You said we would be able to keep her," Anna said flatly that evening, staring ahead of herself at the television.

_Her? They must have had another baby,_ Leon thought. Sam couldn't meet Anna's eyes.

"That's what the law says. The first born son is automatically assigned to the military unless the father is from Midgar and enlisted in the military. Every child after that has the option of being kept with the parents. I thought that meant it didn't matter who the father was after that. I've told you a thousand times. I didn't know they could do what they did," he said blandly.

_Must have been recent_, the Carrier amended.

"Yeah well they did. You told me you looked into it and I trusted you. You promised me!" Anna spat, sending the man a murderous glare.

"And I know what I read! I'm…" Sam barked before forcing himself to stop and calm down. "Why would I lie?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm not lying to you," he insisted.

"I don't believe you. If it wasn't for you, I might have been happy by now," she said, her voice cracking as her eyes started to water. Sam looked away.

"I can't change my past. I can't change where I was born. It doesn't matter anyw—"

"Yes it does!" she shrieked, tears bursting from her eyes. "It always has! You say it doesn't but you're the only one who thinks so! She's gone because of you! Because of Balamb! You had to take me away from my home and tie me to you! Brainwash me into thinking I could be happy with you!"

"I tried! I tried so damn hard!" Sam interjected. "And for a while, I thought you were! I thought you stopped caring about Balamb a long time ago!"

"Because you tricked me! I'm too fucking _stupid_ to think otherwise, apparently! I really thought things were getting better! You promised me after we lost the boy that we could keep the ones that came after! And like an idiot, I believed you! I knew I should've just listened to what I had been told for my entire life! Balamb is full of liars!"

"I didn't do it on purpose! I wanted to keep them both! I would…" his voice got caught in his throat and he had to swallow to clear it before he could try again. "I would have loved to have them both here. I really didn't think it mattered."

"Well it does. And now she's dead," Anna said. "If you had never taken me away from my home I would've been better off. I may not have had a son, but at the very least I'd have been able to keep my daughter. I would've had someone who actually cared about me, someone who would've loved me unconditionally instead if… _using_ me."

"What did I use you for? I've gotten nothing out of this but a bunch of grief and suffering."

"I helped you when your father died."

"And I helped you move past Aïr."

"I cooked your meals and cleaned your house and took care of you when you were hurt."

"And I gave you a roof that doesn't leak, food to eat, clothes to wear, and I saved your life. I'd do it again if I had to, too," he said flatly. She looked at him through tears out the corners of her eyes.

"I lost two children because of you."

"I lost them too. And as I recall, you weren't exactly gaining them without me either."

"I hate you," she said.

"…I know you do."

_Everyone needs someone to hate, apparently,_ Leon sighed. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and tried to think through the details. The couple must have had another child together after Cloud that much was clear. He highly doubted she died through natural means and could imagine the Captains handing her off to the random soldiers by the doors with the orders to burn her because her father was from Balamb. It was a believable story and it disgusted him with how easily acceptable it was. Sam served the country even though he didn't want to, and his continual punishment made the Carrier's stomach twist into knots. He sort of wished he could take both Cloud and Sam home with him. Give them some peace. Anna could rot for all he cared.

They slept in separate beds that evening. Leon didn't stay much longer after getting the full story from them but came back the next day to check up and see if they were any better. They were quiet, Anna especially so. She made breakfast for them both and they ate together. Sam got ready for his patrol and went to leave. He stopped to give her a kiss goodbye but she looked away from him, so he settled for kissing her temple and going on his way. Leon noticed as the man was getting dressed that the skin on his arms was still bruised but the edges of the bruises were turning grey, like it was dying. That didn't bode well with the Carrier in the least.

Anna spent most of the day cleaning. It was almost obsessive with how much she did. She would wipe something off, scrub it with whatever cleaner she had with her, wipe it off again, scrub it, rinse it, and then dry it. Regardless of what the surface was, that was the routine. She did it with almost a mechanical sort of posture, like she was a robot designed for that specific purpose. She finished shortly after lunchtime and after she ate, she sat in front of the television for a couple hours until it was time to make dinner. She was moving incredibly slow, and her eyes were downcast as she pulled out a roasting pan and went to the refrigerator to dig out what looked sort of like a chicken. It wasn't exact, and its coloration was strange, but it was some a kind of poultry. Leon wanted to try it.

She dug around the cabinets for spices and in the pantry for some vegetables. She spent another hour chopping. When she was almost through, she slowed and stared down at the countertop quietly. She seemed to snap out of it for a few seconds and started moving again, moving to a lower cabinet and shuffling around the various bottles of cleaner under the sink. She retrieved a case, and Leon's stomach immediately plummeted to his toes. It was the case of syringes that held the doses of Mako assigned to Sam. It had a thick layer of dust on the top of it and she sat on the floor with it, her eyes hollow. She opened it. There were still four doses left.

_Don't be stupid, please…_ Leon begged her. He fidgeted in his spot on his bed for a few seconds before deciding he needed to be around someone else, just in case. He shuffled out of bed, pulled on one of his flowing robes he hardly ever wore and hurried out into the living room with his computer where Reno was, sprawled out on the couch. The redhead sat up and looked at him with immediate concern.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Leon plunked down next to him and set the computer on the coffee table so they could both see Anna staring at the syringes with tears in her eyes and a blank face. The brunette couldn't bring himself to say anything but Reno didn't press him for explanation and sat with him quietly; the look on Leon's face was enough for him to know things weren't good. Anna gradually broke down into quiet sobs on the kitchen floor.

She stopped a few minutes later, and she started to laugh. It was a hysterical sound, fraught with almost-weeps and tears. She picked up a syringe and turned it around in her hands slowly, sniffling loudly as a smile wiggled its way across her lips. She mumbled a few incoherent sentences to herself before pulling off the cap and quickly injected herself. Both Carriers let out an audible gasp and gaped at the woman in wordless horror. Anna was quick to take up another syringe and plunge its contents into her veins as well before dropping the tubes and letting out a long sigh. Shortly thereafter her breath quickened to a panicked panting. She clutched her chest as her extremities started to shake. The tremors traveled through her entire body to the point where she had no choice but to slump backwards and convulse on the floor. She lay still after a few minutes, wisps of the Lifestream pouring out of her mouth and sinking into the floor.

Leon and Reno were speechless. They stared at the screen in a stunned silence for what seemed like forever. It was hardly ten minutes before Sam came home.

"I don't know if I can watch this," Leon whispered, mostly to himself. Neither he nor Reno could get themselves to move, though. There was a loud '_thud_' as Sam dropped his gear on the chair in the living room and his footsteps towards the kitchen were like thunderclaps.

"Anna?" he called, peeking into the kitchen and looking around. When he saw her, the color instantly drained from his face. He stared at her for a few minutes before carefully making his way into the room and kneeling next to her. He seemed eerily calm aside from his shocked expression and leaned down to put his ear to her chest. When he didn't hear anything, he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He sat up again and looked at the scene around her, taking in the case with the other two syringes. It took him a few minutes, but eventually his eyes started to water and his chin quivered. He gently scooped her up and hugged her face to his chest as he quietly broke apart, keeping his face buried in her hair.

"God…" Leon trailed, rubbing his eyes as they threatened to spring a leak. Reno patted his back.

"I'm sorry," Sam squeaked, petting Anna's hair and rocking back and forth with her. He repeated his words over and over again, apologizing for things he couldn't change, nor have avoided in the first place. He eventually scooped Anna up and took her to go sit at the table. He cradled her in his lap and rested her head against his shoulder while reaching for the phone. He sniffled, regained his breath, and wiped his face dry as he dialed, allowing the call to come over the speaker on the base instead of through the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Mom…" he trailed sadly, hugging Anna again and rocking with her, his cheek resting against her forehead.

"What's wrong, baby?" his mother asked, her voice immediately concerned. Sam coughed out a sob.

"I can't come back home," he blurted as he lost himself again, quietly sobbing into Anna's hair. The phone was quiet as the woman on the other end let him calm down again. Sam wiped his face again but it didn't do much good. "The de-deal was that… I don't have to go back into ac-t-tive combat if I c-can stay on the rotation roster in th-the city," he sputtered, sounding more like a broken toddler than a grown man.

"And you can't anymore?" his mother questioned.

"I can't go back to the way it w-was," he sniffled, sucking in a long breath to try and still himself so he could stop stuttering. "Anna's dead, mom," he said quickly, choking on a hysteric sob and squeezing the dead woman to his chest again. His mother was silent for a few minutes.

"You're sure?" she asked, sounding monotone. Sam took a deep breath.

"Y-yeah. She's still warm but… I don't h-hear Eden anymore," he said. Leon furrowed his brows and exchanged a watery glance with Reno, who shrugged his confusion as well. They both took a second to wipe their faces dry. Sam broke apart again and openly sobbed into the crook of Anna's neck. "It's either I go out and kill a bunch of our men or rape a bunch of helpless women! I can't do it anymore! I'm tired of being a monster!" he yelled. His mother shushed him comfortingly.

"It's okay to stop," she said quietly. Sam sucked in great heaving breaths as he tried to stop his cries long enough to listen. "The girls and I were talking about it. You were the only thing keeping us from what we felt we should do. Your father's already left us, and since then, Midgar made it into law that women aren't allowed to work. Your sisters tried to get what they could out of the soldiers but… the military has its own whores and… they just take it for free anyway so there's no point in trying," the woman explained. Her tone was soft, comforting, but heavy with emotion. "It's either we starve because we can't afford to eat, or we just… stop. We've prayed a lot, Sammy. We feel Eden supports us. If we can't see you again in this life, then I think it's time we think about meeting up in Eden's Garden."

"Yeah…" Sam trailed, sniffling a bit, but seemingly calmed.

"The girls and I need peace. We feel like you do. We can't live like this. It's wrong."

"Yeah."

"Are you okay with this?"

"Yeah," he said, taking a deep breath. His mother let out a relieved sigh as well.

"Have you been saying your prayers?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Has She forgiven you?"

"As much as She can."

"Then that's all you need, baby."

"I'm sorry, mom," Sam sniffled. The woman shushed him again.

"You don't have to apologize to me. You were the perfect son and you did everything right. It's time to find peace, Sammy."

"Okay."

"I'll go tell the girls."

"Tell them I love them."

"I will. If you make it to the Garden before we do, tell your father we'll be there soon, okay?"

"Okay," Sam said.

"I love you, Sammy."

"I love you too, mom," he said. The line went dead with a soft '_click_' and Sam reclined back in his seat with a deep breath. He looked down at Anna and pet her hair again. "I don't know where you thought you were going after this life, but I hope you're with Aïr again so you can be happy. I should've known something like this was inevitable. I would've had to go back to fight or… hurt more people again eventually anyway so I don't blame you. I don't hate you. I never expect you to believe what I believe, but I hope it doesn't matter in the end and Eden embraces you anyway," he hugged her again and rocked back and forth gently with his eyes closed and tears running down his face.

_I don't blame him_, Leon thought. The Carrier had never considered the idea of suicide before in any context. He didn't have much of an opinion on it yet, but he could see where it would seem like someone's only option. Knowing the fate of Plane 087 made it a little easier to swallow, as it would ultimately save Sam and his family a lot of suffering from Midgar's tyranny. There wasn't much to look forward to in their future.

Sam scooted out of his seat, bringing Anna with him to go sit on the kitchen floor where she had started out. The case of syringes was still open and in plain view and he took his time situating her in his lap so he didn't have to hold her up. He took up a syringe and looked it over, resting his cheek against the top Anna's head as she leaned against his chest.

"If our little gir—" he stopped himself, clearing his throat a bit. "If Theresa went to the Garden, and I get to see her, I'll tell her that you loved her so much. That you wanted to keep her and that you didn't give up on her. If… if the war brings our son to me, I'll tell him the same. I promise… I won't let you down again. I don't have to be with you to try and make you happy," he said, turning his wrist upward and injecting himself with his free hand. He took the second one up quickly and did the same with it. He dropped them and quickly hugged her again, pressing his lips to her forehead and letting the tears flow freely. "My only regret is that I never told you how much I loved you," he mumbled against her skin. "Please be at peace…" he trailed.

Leon couldn't watch once Sam started to die. He turned away from the screen and hid his face in his hands. Reno, sniffling, muted the sound once the man's breathing started picking up and his convulsions shook the cabinet door he was leaning against, clattering it against its frame. The redhead closed the computer and rubbed Leon's back as the brunette tried to keep himself from falling to pieces. He hated death. Especially since it tended to sneak up on him and happen to people he cared about. It made every other life seem so much more fragile, and that scared him. How many more people would he have to see die in some way before he could go home and start focusing on _life_? That was his purpose, to create life, not watch people die.

"Did… did you want to save the footage?" Reno asked quietly. Leon sniffled a bit and turned around to face him again.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked.

"For Cloud?"

"Fuck. Cloud," the brunette sighed, holding his face in one hand. He had forgotten there was another piece of the equation, albeit an unsuspecting one. "What am I going to tell him?"

"I don't know. You could always save the footage for now, and decide later if you want. Or, you could just get rid of it and come up with a story for him. Or, you could save it, tell him it's bad, and let him decide if he wants to see it or not. Or you can just wait for him to ask you; and he might never do it. There's lots of ways to go about it."

"Possibly… just… save it for now and I'll decide later," Leon mumbled. Reno nodded and opened the computer again and cut the feed and stored the footage. Afterward, they sat together quietly, letting the events sink in.

"Did you want to have a sleepover in my room?" he redhead offered. The brunette glanced at him and thought about it.

"Yeah."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 17

The second law of physics, as Leon was taught, was the conservation of mass-energy. Energy and matter can be neither created nor destroyed. Plane 087's physics were confusing at first glance, but they followed the same principles when he really thought about it. Things that seemingly appeared out of nowhere were actually there to begin with, but in a different form. Even Midgar's usage of the planet's energy followed the law. They didn't destroy the energy, they just prevented it from returning to its original form under the planet's surface. So in reality, the only thing that Plane 087 did that confused him were the methods they used to manipulate the physics he was already familiar with. It was a comforting realization on his part.

Carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, phosphorous, all of the elements of life were there as well. The masses that made up the different lives on that plane were the same but categorized a little differently. The people seemed less concerned about the micro-masses that made up their environment and were more focused on the macro-masses. The bigger things. Fire, ice, electricity, the wind, all of it was important to them. The one that meant the most to Leon though, their greatest element, was that of life. The Lifestream. It was a constant variable in everything, regardless of the context.

That being said, if matter and energy (the elements) can be neither created nor destroyed, what happens when life changes into death? Plane 087 was a place of opposites and for every element, they had its opposite available to them to keep the balance. Death was the opposite of life. So that brought up another question: what is death? If it's an element, an energy of some sort, then it of itself can be neither created nor is it ever destroyed. What happens to the life that becomes death? There is no end in death because that would mean it was destroyed, and if that can't happen then there must be something more to it than what Leon had considered before.

There had to be an afterlife. It may not be apparent until a person transcends a certain part of their lifecycle but there was no logical explanation otherwise. There had to be something there once life ends and becomes death. Physics and numbers were irrefutable facts to Leon; things that he couldn't change even if he tried. So the idea of an afterlife was logical to him. He couldn't say how it was handled or what it was like but he knew it was there.

He still wasn't a religious person. He didn't put a name or a face to what he concluded and personified it to something he couldn't comprehend. But he could understand how people on Plane 087 could fall into the religious habit. He doubted that most normal people, be they from Midgar or Balamb, really understood the elements and physics like he did. Even Sam, who was mostly educated, really didn't seem to be able to separate 'Eden' from the normal facets of life. He had listened to Anna's chest after she died, supposedly for a heartbeat, but then told his mother that he didn't hear 'Eden' anymore. That sort of disjointed understanding of human physiology gave Leon a whole new perspective on the people he watched. But there was a flipside that scared him.

It also meant it was easier for people to kill one another. If the people held the afterlife in a high regard, it would almost sound like they were doing each other a favor by ending their lives. Death didn't seem like such a big deal, even to Sam. He was more concerned about going back into the battlefield or hurting more women than he was over Anna's death. He was still upset that he had to say goodbye but his suicide was ultimately to keep himself from torturing his fellow man versus joining Anna and seeing her again. He wished her happiness, said goodbye, and that was that; he was off to join his family in peace. Leon couldn't get himself to believe like Sam did. He couldn't draw conclusions he couldn't prove and though he believed there was an afterlife, he wasn't convinced it could solve everyone's problems in the end.

"That's deep, dude," Reno said when Leon explained his theories to him. The brunette shrugged and pushed a piece of his fish fillet around with his finger.

"Do you think I'm being irrational?" he asked.

"No, I actually agree with you. I do think, however, that all of this was born as a coping mechanism. But at the same time, I think it's a good one. A lot of people have coping mechanisms that are really weird and harmful so I'm glad you found one that's born from logic and a level head. However, if people don't see 'life' as an element in the true sense of the word, then they could disprove your theory pretty quickly."

"The act of living cannot exist without the 'life' part of it. Whether we call that life 'Eden,' the 'Lifestream,' or chock it up to the synapses in our brains and the electricity we use to move, it doesn't matter because it still exists. So if life isn't an element and not needed to live, well, then I hope someone has an explanation for me because that just doesn't make any sense."

"Very true."

"I will agree that it's a coping mechanism though. I like to think that they didn't just… stop. That they continued on and they didn't 'die' in the sense we accept it as."

"Does that mean you believe in reincarnation too?" Reno asked.

"Well if life is an element and elements are an energy or mass, then it can't be destroyed. It has to cycle through and change again. That could mean that they manifest as something else, or that they are reborn into another human body. So… yeah, I guess I do. It's not that much of a stretch."

"So… I could be eating the energy from a serial killer right now?" Reno asked, looking at his plate of vegetables curiously.

"Possibly. Same thing with this fish," Leon said, poking his fillet again.

"Awesome. Hope the bastard likes spending time in my colon, then," the redhead snorted and mercilessly stabbed his greens a few times before making a performance out of his chewing. Leon smiled and continued eating.

* * *

Once Cloud figured out that he wasn't limited to scooting along the perimeter of whatever furniture arrangement he was near, all bets were off. At fourteen months old he started walking and every square inch of the house suddenly belonged to him. There was no 'Cloud you can't do that' in his understanding and someone had to be watching him every second he was awake. Usually, the responsibility was on Jessie to keep him entertained and out of the kitchen cupboards, but the boys started hanging around once they knew how funny it was to watch the pudgy blonde teeter around on his wobbly legs. There was something to be said about the entertainment value surrounding other people's clumsiness.

The only problem Leon had with Biggs and Wedge hanging around was that they felt the need to assist Cloud in falling on his ass. The toddler did it enough on his own, but the Carrier would catch one of the older boys discreetly putting something in the blonde's way just to watch him fall. Most of the time they got away with it. Sometimes Jessie would see them and say something, but usually she was paying more attention to Aerith than anything else. As a result, Cloud always had some form of damage on him; either a small bruise or a bit of rug burn or a cut, but nothing substantial. He rarely cried though, and the older boys weren't cruel enough to hurt him so much where he would. Leon had to pick his battles.

Cloud had a very expressive face but he was quiet. He really only made noise when he wasn't happy with something. Naptime was pretty much the only thing he didn't like outside of pain. He ate whatever Nana would give him, he would play with whatever was available, and he wasn't old enough to understand teasing so he didn't have much to talk about in the end. Not that the blonde was of the mindset to hold a decent conversation in the first place, but even Aerith was more vocal than he was and would yell and squeal and laugh whenever she pleased. Cloud would watch and listen to her carry on, but he didn't imitate very much.

By the time Aerith started walking Cloud was a little more sure-footed and could express enough to get his point across. Basic single word sentences like 'up' and 'bug' were some of his favorites. He was completely aware of Leon's cameras by that stage and would climb the furniture to try and reach wherever the Carrier was. Nana would pull him off the backs of chairs and Cloud would try to worm out of her grasp, reaching for the camera and yelling what it was. It was a bittersweet situation for Leon. He didn't like taunting the child like he was but he couldn't keep the smile from his face when Cloud would look at him. He made the mistake of getting a little too close on a few occasions and his camera would be crushed under the blonde's hand, but he learned to avoid it.

"What's the matter, Cloud?" Nana asked softly as she gently tugged Aerith's nightgown into place. The blonde was standing in the corner of his crib staring directly at Leon's camera which was situated in the corner above him. The toddler reached towards him.

"Bug," he said with a determined face. He looked over his shoulder to Nana and then back at the camera. The woman set Aerith down in her crib and looked to where Cloud was reaching. Leon was fairly confident that he couldn't be reached where he was, and his suspicion was confirmed when Nana made a disgruntled face but didn't make a move to squish him.

"Just ignore it, okay? It's not going to hurt you," she said and leaned over the edge of the crib and kissed the top of his head. "Lay down. It's time for bed," she said. Cloud flopped backwards and sat with a huff. Nana was satisfied and left shortly thereafter. Once she was gone, the blonde was on his feet again and staring at the camera.

_I wish I could say 'hello,' _Leon sighed. Apparently Cloud wanted to say hello as well because he started to try and pull himself over the side of the crib in an effort to reach him. The Carrier tensed when he realized what the blonde was trying to do, but relaxed when Cloud couldn't get the coordination together enough to lift his legs over the railings. The last thing Leon wanted to see was his Charge falling out of his crib and landing on something important; namely his head. A broken neck didn't sit well with him. Cloud was frustrated though and gave the camera the most pathetically angry face Leon had ever seen.

"Bug!" the blonde whined and shook the railings. Behind him, in her own crib, Aerith was staring at him with wide curious eyes. Leon watched Cloud with an aching heart for a few minutes before he relented and drove his camera down the wall to where the blonde could see him better. His Charge watched him closely. The crib was in a corner, so two of its sides were up against the walls and Leon was able to keep his camera out of harm's way but still get close. Cloud kept trying to reach him, sliding his palm up the wall and patting the surface when he couldn't make it.

Leon didn't like not being able to respond to him. After twenty minutes of watching the blonde struggle, the brunette sighed and caved. He scooted the camera down to where Cloud could reach him. Surprisingly, his Charge didn't crush it immediately. Cloud sat and looked up at him with wide eyes and a contemplative face. Leon wondered if someone in the village could make him something that had the same color as Cloud's eyes. The hazel was very light and made the orbs shine like a couple of gems. They were Anna's eyes, and the realization made his chest hurt.

Cloud suddenly furrowed his brows and his expression turned concerned. He sat there quietly for a few minutes, lost in his own little world. Leon raised a brow, wondering what the problem was. Cloud's expression blanked and he stared ahead of himself. A brief second later there was a deep rumble that was muffled between Cloud's butt and the crib pad and the toddler startled out of his trance. Leon immediately started laughing, holding his face in his hands. Reno, who was at the other end of the couch, looked to him with a raised brow.

"Was that what I think it was?" he asked, the smile slowly spreading across his face. Leon couldn't breathe as his laughs got caught in his throat and turned into hoarse squeaks. The fact that Cloud had no reaction to the noise outside of snapping back to reality just compounded things for the Carrier and made it harder to stop. It took him several tries to calm enough to speak.

"Yes. His ass totally just ruined the moment," the brunette said, cheeks pink.

"Moment?" Reno questioned.

"He knows the camera is there. Well… he knows a bug is there."

"Oh, is that what all the yelling was about?"

"Yeah. And we were practically just staring at one another and… I don't know. It felt like he could see me. But then he farted and ruined it and now I can't look at hi—" he said, getting caught up in a few stray laughs, "look at him until I'm over it," he finished.

"Rude does that a lot. Hell, _I_ do it a lot but I hide it well."

"You don't eat any meat, so they're easier to hide because they don't smell as bad though I bet you have more gas than I do."

"Probably. If I could clump the projectile force of all of them together, I could probably reach the moon," Reno said. Leon laughed again.

"That's disgusting."

"It's a natural occurrence."

"Using your farts to propel yourself into the stratosphere is natural?"

"Oh. No. I thought you meant farts in general were disgusting."

"No. I don't even notice yours. Mine on the other hand…"

"Bad?"

"Burn your eyebrows off," Leon said. Reno laughed.

"Gross."

"Just be happy you don't sleep with me. I don't want to sleep with me sometimes."

"Poor Cloud."

"You assume we're going to share the same bed," Leon said, casting a sideways glance at the redhead. Reno shrugged.

"I have a hard time with the idea of spending the rest of your life around someone and not developing feelings for them."

"There's no guarantee he'd even _want_ to spend the rest of his life with me. He may go off and find a wife for all I know."

"That's why it's important to make a connection with him before that happens."

"I'd really rather not dictate his life for him. I'd like to take him home and give him the choice."

"I don't see why being here or being there would matter. A connection is a connection. Unless it's Stockholm's. Then it's sort of twisted."

"My biggest deterrent is that I can't tell him everything until we're home. I don't want to make a connection and then scare him away by showing him what I am. Romance is too fickle to base my life on just yet. I'd like the rest of it to stabilize before I focus on the things that are out of my control," Leon said flatly. Reno sighed.

"Whatever. I think you're being irrational about it, but you do whatever you feel you need to."

"I will."

* * *

Cloud's fascination with insects didn't stop at Leon's camera. When he was two, he was allowed to go outside more often with the older kids. Nana was always watching; either from the porch or the kitchen window. Biggs and Wedge were major influences on the toddler and would cart him around and flip over rocks to show him where the bugs lived. The occasional lizard would pop out and surprise all of them, but it was usually just an excuse for Cloud to chase after something so Biggs and Wedge could watch him fall on his face.

But like most small children, Cloud had a penchant of putting anything and everything in his mouth. Much to Leon's disgust, insects weren't exceptions. There were a few times he would have to look away and cringe as the blonde stuffed some enormous grasshopper-looking thing in his mouth and crunched on it. Normally, the bug wouldn't taste all that great so Cloud would spit it out and make up for his misdeed by twisting his face into hilarious positions. Sometimes though, the opposite happened and the blonde would add another inhabitant to the colony of multi-segmented creatures taking roost in his small intestine. Especially worms. Leon didn't understand the appeal of eating worms. However, the instances of actual ingestion happened more than they should have, but weren't all that prevalent. Nana was usually there to stop him.

One day, in the early autumn, Cloud's living breakfast decided to fight back. Biggs and Wedge had just flipped over a decent sized rock and were poking at its inhabitants while Cloud was rolling a ball a few feet away. The older boys let out a yelp as a huge centipede crawled out of the soil and skittered away. Cloud noticed the noise and then noticed the centipede making its way towards him. Just from the threatening look of it, Leon could tell it was poisonous and his gut twisted as he watched Cloud get up and go after it. It had two half inch bright yellow stingers on its back end and as soon as his Charge's hand was on it, it curled itself upward like a scorpion's tail and stung him right on his wrist.

Leon nearly started crying at the _horrible_ scream that came from the toddler. It was one of the few times he heard Cloud literally _bawl_ like a baby. The urge to rush over to Nibelheim and sweep him away was immense. But Nana was there in an instant to scoop the blonde up, crush the centipede, and whisk him away. She rushed him to the kitchen sink and washed his arm. It wasn't long before it started to swell and she had to pack everyone up and hurry into town to take the blonde to the doctor. Cloud didn't stop crying through the whole experience. His tears were renewed once the physician gave him a shot of antivenin. Two stings in one day does not a happy child make.

Afterwards, Cloud didn't want to go outside anymore, he didn't want to look at bugs, but worst of all he avoided Leon's camera like the plague. The Carrier had to take special measures to avoid being seen which was a tiring process because Cloud still moved around like normal and the chase was constant. The benefit of being able to walk on the walls was the high vantage point and minimal moving, but if the blonde saw him, he would squeal and run in the other direction. Leon tried not to take it personally but the last thing he wanted was for Cloud to be afraid of him, camera or no camera. The Carrier tried to make amends by scooting in the crib with him and showing him that he wasn't going to get hurt. But that backfired as Cloud squished himself up in a corner, held his arm to his chest defensively, and started crying. Leon didn't go back for a couple days after that.

When Cloud was three, his hair was getting to the point where it was going to need regular trimming if he was ever going to be socially presentable. At least in Leon's eyes. The hair was less like downy baby fluff and more like actual hair, and that meant it stuck up more and had darkened to where it was noticeable. He supposed it didn't matter on a child as much, but habits are best started early and if Cloud ever wanted to be less weird looking, he needed to start soon. But as the days passed, no one seemed to care about his Charge's hair, which was saddening. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Jessie cared about Cloud's hair, but only when it grew out enough for her to play with it.

Cloud and Aerith started to play together more at that age and since the blonde was around, he was subject to whatever Aerith was doing with Jessie. Being nine, the older girl was into a lot of the things little girls like to do. Like playing dress-up. Thankfully, Cloud wasn't okay with being stuffed into claustrophobic dresses but Jessie managed to discover something about the blonde that intrigued Leon to no end. When she managed to get Cloud to sit still long enough, she could play with his hair and no matter what she would do to him, he would always fall asleep. He would then wake up with fifty bows in his hair but he would stay sound asleep for at least two hours. It was a fascinating tidbit Leon mentally filed away for later use.

Cloud and Aerith gradually became synonymous together like Biggs and Wedge. Jessie was there most of the time with the children so they would put up with whatever she made them do but eventually they would end up playing together and ignoring her completely. Leon felt bad for the girl, she tried her best, but being shot down by a pair of three year olds had to be a kick in the pride no matter how old or what gender the person was. Regardless, the Carrier could admit that Cloud and Aerith were cute together. The little girl was the one who was able to get Cloud to go outside again, even though he steered clear of the rocks Biggs and Wedge flipped over.

Aerith was good with her hands. By the time she was five, she could craft a crown out of flowers before anyone even noticed she had gotten into the beds out back. Nana had to get into the habit of buying seeds almost every time she went to the store because Aerith had the uncanny ability to rip the plants apart before they had time to drop their seeds and sew themselves. But like Jessie's bows, Cloud was a frequent recipient of Aerith's feminine brand of abuse and was constantly bombarded by whatever she happened to make. But by that stage in his life, the blonde could understand teasing just fine and resisted Aerith's advances simply because Biggs and Wedge made fun of him. Being eleven, the older boys had their sense of smug self satisfaction wrapped tightly around their egos and were _convinced_ they were the epitome of manliness.

Leon didn't care one way or the other what Cloud did with his time so long as he grew out of whatever girly habits he picked up from Aerith. The Carrier wasn't looking for a burly hairy lumberjack to take home with him but at the very least he wanted Cloud to wear gender appropriate clothing. Jessie still hung around the younger pair like a leech and tried to dress the blonde up whenever possible. Having a tea party just wasn't the same if it was only her and Aerith and apparently putting the most god awful potpourri laden hat on Cloud was supposedly going to fix that. Well, by the time he was six, the blonde had had enough of that and decided to abandon them both and play by himself.

He was a very quiet child and Leon didn't really know what to think about it. Not that the Carrier was the most social being on the planet, but when the blonde didn't do anything but watch TV and build things out of blocks by himself, he couldn't help but see flashes of Anna and her particular brand of anti-socialism and that scared him some. Plus, watching an anti-social kid was exceedingly boring. Leon was sort of happy their roles weren't reversed and he was the Charge to Cloud's Carrier; he'd never hear the end of how dull he was growing up as he couldn't see himself being much different than he currently was. The brunette didn't hold it against him though, he just pitied him. He didn't know what to expect to see from Cloud in the first place, and his experience with small children was nonexistent, but Biggs and Wedge were way more energetic than he was and the blonde really looked out of place.

Cloud and Aerith's sleeping arrangements changed drastically when the blonde was around seven years old. Their cribs were adjustable and actually folded out into a full sized child bed but that wasn't the problem. The room itself was simply too small. So Aerith was ushered off into Jessie's room while Cloud went to bunk with Biggs and Wedge. The blonde was less than thrilled about the idea. Neither of the older boys had been particularly kind to him over the years and sharing a room with them just meant he was in their vicinity more often.

"I'm sort of happy Rude is an only child," Reno said.

"So is Cloud," Leon responded.

"Sort of. He doesn't have blood related brothers but Biggs and Wedge fit the bill pretty well."

"They're awful to him half the time."

"Right. Sounds like older brothers."

"… See this is why I want sisters."

"Women tend to be nice to their brothers but are terrible to each other. I wouldn't want to be a girl with a lot of sisters," Reno said with a shudder.

"Well, then that's fine. Sisters serve the purpose for me just as well as brothers do."

"I think you just want to play dress up and wear dangly hair things," the redhead giggled.

"Not really, no. Besides, I have a hard time believing adult women enjoy forcing the adult men into women's clothing. When everyone's young it's like playing with oversized dolls and I can get that."

"You _really_ have no idea, do you?" Reno asked with a small amused smile.

"…About what?" the brunette asked confusedly.

"Have you never heard of a 'fetish' before?"

"I'm aware of what they are but I'm not familiar with many of them. Why?"

"So you've never heard of cross-dressing?"

"…I can figure that one out on my own now that I'm aware of it. Adult women do that to adult men for… what purpose? And why would you think that would relate to me and my sisters?" Leon asked, giving the redhead a suspicious once-over.

"I think it's less prevalent in the heterosexual society."

"Okay so... I… don't understand. If a male couple gets together I would think female things are the least of their concerns. I'm not really sure why one would stuff the other into a skirt. It doesn't make much sense to me," Leon said. Reno waved a hand.

"It's like any fetish, they fluctuate with the people and each personal experience a person has. I actually had a discussion with one of my cousins about this. If you really think about it, the core of the human baser instinct, like a lot of species', is to get together and make more humans. Whether we're homosexual or not, we cannot deny what our original instincts were back in the caveman days. In that respect, regardless of what someone considers their sexual orientation, I believe everyone still has that instinct buried in the back of their heads. As a result, some gay men that act on their original heterosexual tendencies can get off when their partner is in a pair of high heels."

"I'm pretty much over this conversation, Reno. Why do you need to tell me these things?" Leon said flatly.

"It's educational!"

"No, it's uncomfortable."

"Okay, fine. I still say you're inexperienced in life. I'm attempting to desensitize you to the _weird_ shit human society comes up with by starting with the not-so-weird shit. If you can't get past the idea of a dude wearing pantyhose then you really need to get out more."

"Do _you_ wear pantyhose?"

"Hell no. Shit's itchy," Reno snorted. Leon sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Am I supposed to keep a lookout for random men who will attack me and force me to wear lacy panties?"

"That's a distinct possibility. I'm willing to put money on the idea that there are some guys who will do that right before they rape you."

"God, shut up. Augh," Leon groaned.

"Well it's true! It's not like I think any of it's a good idea or whatever but the truth is that society is full of weird ass people doing weird ass shit. There are probably only two people in the _entirety_ of human existence that fit into your tiny little inexperienced mold. For all you know, the shit Jessie and Aerith force on Cloud might actually get him off one day. What are you going to do then?"

"Why would it matter to me what gets him off?"

"Wh—he…eugh! You're so frustrating sometimes!" Reno huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You talk to me as if I'm being judgmental. I have yet to meet anyone that's seriously out of the ordinary like that so I honestly can't say what I can and cannot tolerate. I know the discussion of such things isn't my favorite though and I'd really like it if we can drop it and move onto something that doesn't make me feel weird."

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"Bad weird."

"Fine," Reno grumbled and went back to his computer screen. Leon took a breath and sighed. "I have to wonder about the quality of the parenting Rude gets," the redhead said.

"Why do you say that? His parents seem like good people."

"They are, but I really question their judgment about where they take him. He's eight and he goes to work with them every day and hangs out around fire and pointy things. He's learning a trade in the process but it still makes me nervous."

"Blacksmithing is a lucrative business in this world, I'd imagine. But it's probably good that he's learning early. Be happy he's doing something that's somewhat mentally enriching. Cloud doesn't do much of that."

"Some of his blocks had letters on them," Reno said, a paltry defense for the young blonde's lack of education.

"Yeah but unless someone sits him down and tells him what they are, they may as well be dirt clods to him."

"I know. I was just trying to make you feel better."

"Once he can read something to me, I'll feel loads better."

* * *

There were very few things in Cloud's childhood that Leon considered memorable. Between the ages of seven and nine there wasn't much going on that wasn't already happening. Cloud stayed to himself most of the time while Biggs and Wedge teased him for one reason or another, and Jessie bugged him to play with her and Aerith on a consistent basis. The blonde didn't eat or fear bugs anymore, he was potty trained, and could dress and feed himself so any other monumental milestone in his life was sort of a moot point if he wasn't being educated. He didn't have any friends outside of the orphanage but everyone in town knew who he and the other kids were, but no one seemed to pay attention to them otherwise. It was a dull couple of years for Leon.

However, Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie were getting older. They were all about the same age give or take a few months and having three suddenly pubescent teenagers in the house was way more entertaining than Leon ever thought it would be. There were more fights between the two boys about who was going to use the sink to shave first than the Carrier could count and more creative uses for tampons that he never could've imagined before. Apparently wet and inflated tampons freeze well and when combined with rubber bands, they make excellent projectiles. Cloud was pelted with them frequently, which Leon didn't like so much, but then the blonde would gather them up and hold them all by the strings like a bouquet of dead mice and take them to Jessie and set them in front of her.

"These are yours," he would say. Jessie's face would flash bright red and that's when the Carrier could agree that the whole scenario was hilarious. Cloud would leave red faced as well and stay quiet for the rest of the day.

But then the hormones took over. It seemed like and overnight occurrence. One day Leon was able to say 'I'll just check in for a minute' at any point during the day and not be visually assaulted by things he didn't care to see. The next day, he popped into the boy's bedroom looking for Cloud and Jessie was there guzzling Biggs' penis like it was the best damn thing on the planet. Making a hasty retreat from that unwanted picture was the easiest thing the Carrier had ever done and found Cloud in the girl's bedroom with Aerith. The blonde was sprawled out on his stomach all over Aerith's bed, sound asleep while the girl was on the floor doing… whatever it is she did with her dolls. Leon never cared to pay attention to it before.

"Aerith?" Nana called down the hall. The girl popped to her feet and rushed to the door to shush the woman as she came closer.

"Shh! Cloud's sleeping," she whispered.

"It's three in the afternoon, why is he sleeping?" Nana asked confusedly.

"He said he was tired 'cus the others are really loud sometimes and he can't fall asleep."

"Are they? When?"

"After bedtime," Aerith said sheepishly and looked down at the floor, shuffling her foot absently. "I'm not supposed to say anything though."

"Interesting," Nana said thoughtfully before patting Aerith's hair and making her way further down the hall. Leon scooted his way out of the girl's bedroom so he could see; the temptation was just too much. Nana quietly went to the boy's bedroom door and flung it open without warning. There was a loud gasp from both of the room's occupants followed by the _loudest_ scream of pain Leon had ever heard out of a human being before. Nana gasped then and covered her mouth with her hands.

"_Why did you bite me?_" Biggs screamed. Leon scooted around the corner just in time to see the teenager roll off the edge of the bed clutching his genitals. He curled up into a tiny ball and moaned and groaned to himself. Jessie sat off to the side with a horrified expression, staring at Nana.

"I can't say I'm entirely sympathetic, but I did come in here to yell at you so I suppose I don't need to anymore," Nana said. She sighed and went to Biggs and leaned over him. "Are you bleeding?"

"_No! _Just go away…" the boy squeaked, voice hoarse. Jessie stood and hurried out of the room, her expression floating between tears and embarrassed laughter. Leon left Nana to deal with Biggs and skittered back to the girl's bedroom and wiggled his camera under the door. Much to his surprise, Cloud wasn't awake. Apparently Biggs' nuclear explosion of a scream wasn't enough to jostle him, though Aerith seemed plenty worried.

"What happened?" she asked, peering at Jessie, who was holding her face in her hands and sitting on the bed.

"Don't ask. Just… go back to sleep or whatever you were doing."

"I wasn't sleeping. Cloud is."

"Whatever. Just leave me alone for a second."

"M'kay…" Aerith trailed and wandered back to where her dolls were on the floor. Leon scooted closer so he could see Cloud. The blonde was still breathing, which was reassuring, but the brunette had his doubts that he was just that heavy of a sleeper. It didn't matter in the long run. He just had to make sure Cloud didn't fall asleep in the first place while doing something important and everything would be fine. It was another tidbit the Carrier mentally filed away for later reference.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **I hate writing transition chapters. Augh. So boring.

* * *

Chapter 18

Being ten and having to live with witnessing things you don't understand had to be tough. Leon went the extra mile to be bothered right along with Cloud. He hung around longer than he usually did just to see what the supposed 'nightlife' was like in Nibelheim. Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge brought it home with them frequently and carefully so Nana never knew about it. They would sneak out at night after bedtime and usually parted ways and went to sleep; whatever they were doing during the hours before that were anyone's guess. During this time Leon discovered that the easiest way to wake Cloud up from his death grip on sleep was to physically assault him.

Wedge was the clumsy oaf that figured it out, having come back from whatever nighttime festivities inebriated on something and literally falling onto the blonde's bed, assuming that it was his own. Leon didn't see glowing eyes the few times he paid attention so he wasn't sure what was going on, but alcohol wasn't exactly nonexistent either, and he just assumed that's what the threesome did in their spare time. The few times Cloud was woken up were forgettable, and Leon was more concerned about the times he wasn't able to fall asleep. They became more and more frequent the older the others got and by the time Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge were sixteen it was obvious what kept them so active.

Somewhere, somehow, they had gotten themselves wrapped up into using Mako together and the Carrier was thoroughly pissed. Their habit was turning sloppy and was wholly disruptive in the household after a while, pushing all judgment aside and carrying on like a group of animals. One instance in particular boiled Leon's blood to the point where it felt like it was going to spurt from his pores. Late into one wintery evening, Jessie, Biggs and Wedge came home as they usually did and headed upstairs into the boy's bedroom giggling like a trio of baboons. Biggs ended up tripping over his own feet and flopped into bed with Cloud, startling the blonde awake.

"Hey little buddy," the teenage drawled at him, eyes glowing. Cloud furrowed his brows in a sharp glare.

"Get out of my bed," he said sternly, rubbing an eye tiredly. Biggs grinned like a demon and ruffled Cloud's hair. Jessie and Wedge were preoccupied on the far side of the room in Wedge's bed furiously sucking the skin off each other's faces, both of them blazed beyond comprehension.

"No need to get angry. I was just stopping by for a visit," Biggs said.

"That's stupid. We share the same room. You can't visit your own room," Cloud spat. Biggs laughed.

"Okay fine. Not visiting. Sharing," he said, which confused the blonde.

"You don't have anything I want."

"But you don't know what I have."

"Don't care. Still don't want it."

"But you will," Biggs said and stuffed his hand in his pocket to retrieve a bag and shook it in Cloud's direction. The blonde eyed it warily, but curiously. Without prompting, the older boy pulled it open and produced what looked like a test tube with a small hole in it. The hole was a vent with a tiny metal screen in it and was positioned halfway up the tube. In the bag with the tube was another tube, but that one had a stopper in the top of it. Biggs unplugged it and upended a little of its contents into the vented tube with a smile.

"What're you doing?" Cloud asked.

"Big boy things. Do you want to be a big boy?" Biggs asked, replacing the stopper in its appropriate tube and fish around inside the bag for a lighter. He flicked the flame under the end of the vented tube and twisted the cylinder around gently.

_Don't even tell me you can smoke it, too_, Leon groaned to himself. He was angry before Biggs even did anything.

"…Why wouldn't I?" Cloud asked skeptically. Biggs shrugged and put his lips to the tube and inhaled its fumes, pulling a mouthful. He moved quickly, yanking Cloud towards him and covering the boy's mouth with his hand. The blonde yelled in the back of his throat and tried to wrench away but Biggs brought their faces together and blew the smoke directly up Cloud's nose. His lips were practically up the blonde's nostrils they were so close, but once he was finished he let the boy go. Cloud immediately started coughing and crawling away while Biggs busted apart in laughter.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Jessie and Wedge were mostly undressed and still all over each other. Wedge's face was buried in her breasts as Jessie's clumsy hands were fumbling at the zipper of his pants between them. She let out a squeaky sigh that caught Biggs' attention and the other boy practically launched himself off Cloud's bed to go join them. His first priority was to rub himself against the girl's backside to let her know he was there before his hands got greedy and started groping. Once over his coughing fit, Cloud stared at them confusedly but once they started actually having sex and making a bunch of noise, he decided to leave.

Even if Cloud wasn't his Charge, Leon would still be upset with seeing a child's eyes glow under Mako's influence. The blonde stumbled out into the hall and flopped against the wall opposite of his door. He held his head in his hands, whimpering as pain throbbed through his temples. He slowly lowered himself to the floor, sliding against the wall until he was doubled over and gnashing his teeth together. Jessi, Biggs, and Wedge were getting to be obnoxiously loud and the more they carried on, the more upset Cloud became. He reached a snapping point after about ten minutes of suffering in the hallway. He stomped back into the bedroom.

Cloud was a relatively shrimpy kid. His baby fat disappeared over the years and left behind a scrawny little blonde kid with huge hazel eyes and a completely unthreatening demeanor. But the look of absolute _rage_ in his eyes would've made Leon run for the hills if it was ever turned on him, ten year old or no ten year old. It was a look that screamed 'I'm going to rip your colon out through your eye sockets.' The threesome on the far side of the room paid him no attention but Leon was baffled by the strange contortion Jessie was in so either boy could have whatever orifice of hers they wanted. It was really more of an amorphous blob of legs and genitalia versus a group of horny teenagers but Cloud wasn't paying much attention to them as he stalked across the room to an armchair that was situated next to their closet.

It wasn't a huge armchair and was probably mostly fabric and stuffing but Cloud didn't hesitate to lift it off the ground over his head, and throw it like it was a ball. It crashed into Biggs' back and the teenager screamed as he and the entire pile of bodies was rocked and fumbled around on the bed. They quieted immediately and looked at Cloud whose face was bright pink and his jaw was so tense it looked to be on the verge of snapping. His breathing was labored and he took a minute to gather himself before speaking.

"_SHUT UP! I HAVE A HEADACHE!" _he screeched and grabbed his head again.

"Cloud?" Nana called up the stairs, her voice followed by her angry footfalls. The blonde staggered around, fisting his hair and letting out pained half-groans and whimpers. The woman was at the door quickly and she gasped. "_What is going on here?_" she yelled. Cloud let out a cry at the volume and collapsed to the floor on his knees.

"Fucking psycho threw a chair at us!" Biggs barked. Leon sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"_Jessie! Get back to your room and you boys get dressed! This is inexcusable!_" the woman ordered. Jessie at least had the decency to hurry, versus starting an argument, and clumsily gathered her clothing before leaving quickly. Wedge timidly got dressed but Biggs wasn't having any of it and stood there defiantly, completely exposed with his arms folded over his chest.

"What the hell? Doesn't Cloud get yelled at too? He could've hurt us," Biggs defended. Nana ignored him and went to Cloud's side and tried to pick him up.

"I'll deal with you three in the morning," she said and rubbed the blonde's back until he was ready to look at her. He had tears in his eyes and his breathing hadn't slowed.

"I don't feel good, Nana," he said. The woman gave him a sympathetic face as she studied his eyes. She wiped his cheeks.

"I would imagine you don't. Come on. You can sleep with me," she said. Cloud seemed a little relieved to hear that and scooted forward enough to hug her around her neck so she could pick him up.

"What the fuck, that's not even fair. The kid assaults me and he gets coddled?" Biggs spat.

"Dude, shut the fuck up," Wedge grumbled and threw a pillow at him. Nana turned to leave but stopped when she noticed the pair of emerald eyes watching through the cracked door. She didn't say anything as she walked out but held her hand out and Aerith took it, following after her.

Leon was relieved. Even if Cloud wasn't feeling well, at least Nana intervened before things got too out of control. Though he was leery. Mako was in the house now. Cloud had been introduced to it and the Carrier wondered if his reaction was unique to him or if it was like that for everyone's first time. Either way, he wanted to throttle Biggs for forcing it on his Charge. He wasn't pleased with Jessie or Wedge either but he wished only a mild beating versus outright death on them. He felt better after Cloud and Aerith climbed in bed with Nana though. The girl lay next to Cloud and ran her fingers through his hair gently as he held his face, still trying to quell his headache. Nana stayed close in case she was need but let Aerith handle it otherwise.

* * *

Nana was on the phone for a good portion of the next day making plans with someone named 'Barry.' She sent the older boys off into town to work with a couple of her friends as punishment for the evening before. Jessie stayed home and did chores. Cloud and Aerith weren't affected in terms of punishment, but the blonde stayed in bed for most of the morning feeling ill. Aerith was right at his side for when he woke up every hour or so to vomit or roll around in pain. Leon was depressed for the entire day because of the blonde's condition and stayed in bed so he could keep an eye on him.

"Just for a little while," Nana told the man on the phone. She was silent for a moment as she listening to him. "Right. Dinner. Okay? I'll see you then," she said and hung up. She immediately picked up the receiver again and started dialing. "Hello, General Strahl?"

_General?_ Leon thought, the name immediately piquing his interest.

"Yes. Ye—Yes! It's good to talk to you again as well," Nana said happily. She went to one of the cabinets in the kitchen and opened the drawer to shuffle around some papers. There wasn't an office in the house to speak of so most of whatever paperwork needed to be done was kept in the kitchen so Nana could use the table to work. She pulled out three packets of papers and dropped them on said table and sat so she could flip through them. She started reading off a series of numbers to him out of each packet and there was a long pause afterward. "Oh yes, apparently they feel they're adult enough. When can I expect you?" she asked.

_Wait…_ Leon trailed thoughtfully.

"Oh that's perfect. Right. Thank you very much. I'll be waiting," she concluded and hung up again. The Carrier was immediately suspicious. He hung around Cloud for the rest of the day, but paid attention to Nana again once Biggs and Wedge came home from whatever work she had them doing. She sat them both and Jessie down at the table, the air between them serious.

"Is this bad? Do we really want to hear this?" Wedge asked quietly. Nana shrugged, her anger from the previous evening bubbling up again.

"Well, since you all feel that it's acceptable for you to act like adults do, I made some phone calls. General Strahl will be here within the week to pick you all up. Well, he'll be here to pick you boys up anyway. Jessie, I'm not sure if he'll have anything he needs you for, but I may just send you off to the capitol to serve your time there. You're all of age anyway. It wasn't too long before he would've contacted me."

"I don't want to go to the capitol!" Jessie squeaked.

"We didn't hurt anyone," Biggs said haughtily, crossing his arms over his chest. Nana raised a brow at him.

"Oh didn't you? Why don't you ask Cloud if you hurt anyone? Preying on children. You should be ashamed of yourself. Apparently your behavior wasn't limited to just yesterday anyway, from what I hear. You all have been going out behind my back for a while, and well… who am I to stop you from growing up? At the very least you all will get what you want one way or another. Rampant sex and disturbing the peace isn't frowned upon in the capitol, so that's where you'll be the most happiest," Nana said. Wedge and Jessie seemed the most concerned about their near futures and sat quietly with worried expressions. Biggs, on the other hand, wasn't put off at all.

"Good. Like hell I'd want to stay in the backwards shithole town. Send me to the capitol. See if I give a damn," he said. Wedge whacked him on the arm.

"Don't you know anything? We have to serve for a year in the field before we can sign up for rotation duty. Jackass," he grumbled. Biggs waved a dismissive hand.

"Tch! Like it's that bad. Even if either of us do see combat, Balamb is full of pussy fairy faggots. I bet none of them have even seen a wheel before let alone the stuff the military has. Ride towards them on a motorcycle and they'd shit themselves and run back to their pansies and daisies."

"So you think, but we lose just as much men as they do. Why do you think we're still fighting?" Wedge asked. Biggs shrugged.

"Entertainment value."

"Fucking dick," the other sighed and rubbed his brows.

"Don't you pay attention to the news?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah. Where do you think I know all this from?" Biggs asked. The girl rolled her eyes. "At any rate, what the fuck do you care? You get to go to the capitol right away anyway."

"Yeah, to have _kids_. I don't kids," Jessie said.

"How hard can that be? You fuck, wait a while, squeeze one out, they patch you up, and you start over. You don't _have_ to keep any of them if you don't want to. The rest of the time you can go out and screw whoever you want and sit on your ass all day. Sounds okay to me."

"Fine, then _you_ do it. I'll hang onto the sword and stab people," she spat in return.

"If I could, I would."

"You say it as if childbirth is that easy," Nana said coolly.

"Isn't that what women are made for? Having kids? I'm pretty sure that's why you guys have the right parts," Biggs said.

"If I had had the capability of having my own children, I would've. But instead, to have the mothering experience, I run this foster care. I would've liked to have gotten married and had a family of my own but no man in this country wants a woman that can't have children. Jessie gets to have all the stress of having a child without the family part, even if she does choose to keep one of them later on. It's illegal to get married in the capitol."

"And what's the big deal about marriage?"

"You don't find a family, one cohesive happy existence, to be appealing?" Nana asked.

"Being tied to one woman when I can have hundreds? Why would I want that?" Biggs asked. The woman shrugged.

"Because it gives you security, it gives you personal satisfaction, it gives you love and all those things people don't think they need, but take for granted when they have them. I tried to raise you all with some semblance of understanding for what life has to offer outside of what the government expects of you, but instead you've showed me that that's all you seem to want."

"I want to get married…" Wedge trailed. Biggs gave him a shove.

"Like anyone would want a bubbly lardass like you," he said with a laugh. The other slouched in his seat with a sigh. Jessie did the same and looked over to Wedge from behind Biggs' chair.

"Biggs. Leave," Nana said. The boy in question raised a brow.

"What?"

"Leave. Just go somewhere; either outside or to your room or something, because I've had just about enough of the _garbage_ that comes out of your mouth," Nana said. The boy scoffed at her and stood abruptly, knocking his chair over. He didn't bother to pick it up and stomped away from them and up the stairs. The woman sighed and ran a hand over her face.

"We're really leaving?" Wedge asked. Nana nodded.

"It was getting to be that time anyway. You're all sixteen now and at the very least you and Biggs don't have a choice. I'm not sure where you're going to go, Jessie. If you're allowed to stay here, you can, but I don't have the ability to keep you if General Strahl decides I can't. The same will happen once Aerith and Cloud are of age, so it's not exclusive to you three," she explained.

"It's the price of freedom, right? That's what the TV says anyway," Wedge asked. The woman shrugged.

"They say that, but I don't see any evidence that we couldn't be free without it. Balamb seems to be doing just fine from what I hear."

"Where did you hear that?" Jessie asked. Nana shrugged again.

"From other people. Around. Don't worry about it," she said. "Anyway, you're both excu—"

"Nana?" Aerith piped from around the doorway. The group at the table turned to look at her. She shuffled her feet. "Cloud had to throw up and um… he didn't make it to the potty this time," she said. Nana sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"I'll be there in a minute."

* * *

When 'Barry' showed up at the house later that evening, Leon was taken aback by how _enormous_ the man was. Nana and Jessie had spent most of the day after the lecture cooking and created a veritable feast for everyone. Or, at least a feast for Barry; the man looked like he could eat a train. He was dark skinned, covered in tattoos, had a neatly trimmed full beard and mustache combination, and a high and tight militaristic haircut. Leon couldn't decide if he was angry or had a permanent scowl but he certainly looked menacing, regardless of what the reason was. The Carrier had no desire to ever meet the man face-to-face simply because he was afraid he'd say something wrong and the man would snap him in half with his huge hands and arms.

"There you are, Barret! I was wondering when you'd get here. You're late!" Nana chided, wiping her hands on a towel and giving him a scrutinizing eye.

"Sorry, Natalie. I got tied up on the way over here. Don't worry though, I'm here and I can help," he said.

_Natalie's a normal name. I like that,_ Leon told himself. Barret took a seat at the table and reclined back. Jessie's posture stiffened one he was there and moved around the kitchen like robot with rusty joints. Nana went to the stairs and called down the other kids as the girl started setting the dishes of food on the table. Biggs and Wedge were the first to make it downstairs followed shortly by Aerith. Cloud wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Where's Cloud?" Nana asked.

"Sleeping," Aerith said. The woman nodded and let the rest slide.

"What's _he_ doing here?" Biggs spat, taking a seat as far away from Barret as possible.

"Making sure your skinny ass behaves," the man responded. Aerith happily sat next to Barret and gave him a wide smile. He smiled back. Biggs scowled but sat as well.

Dinner commenced and stayed relatively quiet. Nana and Barret did most of the talking and even then, it was amongst themselves. Afterward, Barret helped clear the table but ducked outside before the dish washing could start. He went around the back of the house, Leon's camera following after him closely. He had a truck parked outside and stopped by there to pick up a ladder and a toolbox. He set the ladder up against the back of the house and climbed up to the bedroom windows on the second level, tugging his tools behind himself. He dug inside the box for a few nails and a latch set.

_Well that's not a fire safety hazard at all_, Leon sighed sarcastically. Barret worked away, securing each window closed with a simple latch hook. It wasn't horribly strong, but it would deter the older kids from sneaking out at night, which was what the Carrier assumed the purpose was. There were only six windows total and the man was done in forty-five minutes. He packed up and put everything away before grabbing a bag out of his truck and heading back inside. It was a larger bag used for personal effects, and he ducked into Nana's room and dropped it off before heading back into the kitchen where the ladies were just finishing up the dishes.

"All done?" Nana asked.

"Yep," Barret said. The woman smiled.

"I appreciate it."

"Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. I'll be in, in a few," she said. Barret nodded and took his leave, heading back into her bedroom. Leon scowled hoping the implication wasn't what he was thinking it was. Nana finished the dishes and ducked into her room quietly afterward. Leon scooted close to the door just to ease his curious mind and discovered that yes, they were having sex, but at the very least they were being civil about it and staying quiet. The older kids seemed to know what was going on but no one said anything. Jessie distracted Aerith in their room while Cloud napped on the spare bed. It wasn't until later that evening that the Carrier understood why Barret was really there.

As if following a schedule, about an hour after the lights went out and the younger kids were asleep, Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie tried to sneak out. They were extremely quiet about it but once they discovered that the windows upstairs didn't open, they tried to go down the stairs and out the front door. However, Barret was down there watching television and caught them. He sent them back upstairs and stayed up the entire night ensuring they didn't escape. He even checked in on them after a few hours to make sure they were asleep. When they were, he went to bed with Nana and slept in the next morning.

Cloud was alright by the next day and ate breakfast with everyone like he was supposed to and spent most of his time either by himself, or with Aerith. The young girl fussed over him, worried he still wasn't feeling well, but he eventually got her to leave him alone about it. Things fell back into the usual routine, with the addition of Barret spending his time at the house and keeping order. Biggs had less to say when the man was around, but made it obvious how displeased he was about it every chance he got. Leon did catch Jessie and Wedge sneaking off together into the house a few times to be alone but they weren't obnoxious about it and it was more like dating than rebelling. The Carrier wondered if Biggs just imposed himself on them so he wouldn't be left out.

After a week of Barret's company, the time came for the older kids to be whisked away into the government's special brand of adulthood. General Strahl was in fact the same man who was Captain ten years before and his son, Sephiroth, was still following him around but had aged considerably. His eyes were already tinted the rich Mako blue and his dark hair had grown to the middle of his back, and though he didn't look exactly like his picture, Leon recognized him immediately. Sephiroth was the General he had the option of choosing to be his Charge back before he chose Cloud. A sense of relief washed over him when he noticed it, as the adolescent was not the sort of personality he would ever want to associate with. He did find the coincidence a little unsettling though.

"Everyone ready?" General Strahl barked when he entered the house. Aerith and Cloud were watching from behind the end of the kitchen cabinets. Nana's posture was stiff and her arms were crossed over her chest. The mixed feelings were obvious on her face, but Barret was there to pat her shoulder in reassurance. Biggs and Wedge bid their goodbyes and headed outside, each with one piece of luggage, but Jessie's situation was handled differently.

"This her?" Sephiroth asked, stepping around his father and into the house. He was already a soldier and was dressed to the nines in his uniform and had a condescending smirk to match it all. He approached Jessie as the girl stood there sullenly staring at the floor. Nana looked away as the girl was assaulted by Sephiroth's hands. He shoved them up her shirt and felt her chest before he pushed her over the kitchen table and flipped up her skirt. Leon was horrified as the girl was felt and groped, being judged like a cut of beef.

"Well?" General Strahl asked. Sephiroth shrugged and pulled Jessie's clothing back into place and stood back.

"Someone'll find her appealing I _guess_," he said snidely and waved a dismissive hand. The General shrugged and turned to stick his face out the door and waved a couple of other soldiers into the house. Jessie was yanked off the table and outside before she could say goodbye. She didn't get to take any luggage with her. Aerith bolted out from behind the cabinets and tried to follow after them but her arm was caught by Sephiroth before she could get past him.

"Let go of me! I want to go with Jessie!" she squeaked at him and tried to pull away. Sephiroth grabbed her face by her jaw and looked her over.

"Interesting," he said, moving her around to get a good look at her. General Strahl pulled out his ever present tiny handheld computer and poked away at the screen

"Six years on that one," he said finitely. Sephiroth scowled. He was abruptly shoved to the side before he could say anything else, his hands letting go of Aerith. Cloud was there, and less than pleased. He pulled the girl away from the older boy and went to Nana's side for protection. Sephiroth made to go after the blonde but his father stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Six years on that one too," the man said.

"Fine," Sephiroth spat and stomped out of the house. General Strahl looked down at Cloud, then back to Nana.

"So energetic," he said coldly. The woman shrugged.

"Boys will be boys," she said. He laughed.

"Very true," he agreed and opened his long trench coat to detach a sack from his belt. Its contents jingled as he handed it off to the woman and Nana took it quietly.

"Thank you."

"Oh no, thank _you_. Your service is invaluable to this country. If there's nothing else, I will see you again in the near future," he said. Nana reached down and patted Cloud's hair.

"You will," she said. General Strahl took his leave afterward. Once he was gone, Nana let out a long sigh and looked at the bag in her hands. "I hate this," she said.

"Is Jessie coming back?" Aerith interjected, looking up at the woman with wide eyes. Nana looked to her, expression crestfallen.

"Probably not, no."

"But… but why?" the girl asked, her eyes starting to water.

"Because she doesn't have a choice. Not a lot of us do, Aerith. It's just a fact we have to deal with in this country. I wish I could say something nice and pretend like it doesn't hurt, but I can't lie and fill you with false hope. You may see her again when you get older though. But she won't be coming back here."

"Will I?" Aerith asked, sniffling. Nana frowned.

"Maybe."

* * *

Barret left the next day. Aerith and Cloud planted themselves in front of the television, and Nana emptied the contents of the bag onto the kitchen table. It was full of coins. Money. A great deal of money. She spent an hour counting it and balancing her finances in a little book she kept in the kitchen drawer with the rest of the papers. It was extremely quiet otherwise, almost unnerving. Dinner was silent as was bedtime. After Nana went to sleep though, Aerith was still awake. Leon didn't know that until she suddenly appeared in Cloud's room and was poking at him to wake up. It took her fifteen minutes but eventually he stirred enough to notice her.

"Hmm?" the blonde hummed at her as he sat up and rubbed an eye.

"Can I sleep with you?" Aerith asked, her brows knit together sadly.

"Why?"

"I don't like being by myself," she said. Cloud stared at her for a minute, making the girl fidget in her spot. "Please?" she asked again. The blonde thought about it for a second before he relented and scooted over, lifting his blanket for her. She smiled and climbed in.

"Don't snore," the blonde grumped. Aerith giggled and lay against his pillow.

"I won't," she said. Cloud lay next to her with a sage nod. Neither of them tried to sleep right away and simply lay together, picking at the blanket. They were facing one another and would catch quick glances at the other before focusing on what they were doing again. It was an awkward atmosphere, even if they were only ten years old.

"Uh… thanks," the blonde muttered abruptly, looking at Aerith through pieces of his hair.

"What for?" she asked.

"I never thanked you for helping me while I was sick last week. So… thanks."

"Oh. You're welcome," she said with a smile. "Is that why you let me sleep with you?"

"Sort of. I had to pay you back somehow."

"Oh… okay," she agreed, though she didn't seem entire pleased with that answer. Cloud didn't catch her uneasiness though.

It took a while for them to sleep, but they eventually did. The next morning, Leon could hear Nana go in to check on Aerith. When she discovered the girl missing, she called for her as she went to Cloud's room. She seemed surprised when she found them together, and stood in the doorway having a mental battle with herself. She didn't know whether the scene was a good one or not or if she should break it up, but in the end she left them alone and let them wake up on their own.

And so it went. Without Jessie, Aerith was left to her own devices. She was a rather social butterfly compared to Cloud, but since he was the only one around anymore, she bombarded his personal space more than she normally did. At first, he didn't really know what to do with her but would give in to her advances easily. He'd then be forced to play with dolls or whatever other game she came up with, but without Biggs and Wedge to tease him, he didn't seem to care. He humored her a lot and sometimes she returned the favor and played whatever he wanted to.

Eleven years old was an interesting age for them both. By that time, Cloud was more social even though his interactions were limited to Aerith and Nana on most days. It was a considerable leap from the previous year regardless. It took him a while of learning how to be himself. The older boy's influence and smothering tendencies made it difficult for the blonde to accept the idea of doing the things he actually wanted to do. Leon was surprised to find that Cloud was a little outdoorsman and liked venturing off past the property line beyond the wildflowers. There was a shallow stream several yards back where he would flip over rocks and catch frogs. Aerith would follow after him and poke around on the bank and find colorful pebbles to bring home. Nana started collecting them in jars for her; she didn't collect Cloud's frogs.

Leon noticed Aerith changing a lot. Physically. Cloud was oblivious to a lot of it but at least Nana wasn't; as soon as Aerith started developing and maturing the woman encouraged them to stay in their respective bedrooms once bedtime rolled around. Up until that point it was commonplace to find them in each other's bedrooms, either in separate beds or together, since they both came to the conclusion that they didn't like being alone. Their intentions were completely innocent and they didn't understand why they were being separated but they complied since Nana was adamant.

Cloud didn't get much sleep for almost a week afterward. Leon felt bad. The blonde seemed extremely confused as he lay there by himself. He stewed in his thoughts for hours, rolling around and trying to get comfortable. After that week passed, the blonde got more nervous around Aerith. The Carrier was sure it was because Nana was so persistent in her sleeping policies but part of him knew he was in denial. He almost didn't want Cloud to grow up.

By the time they were twelve, Cloud's awkwardness was suffocating. Aerith was doing the female thing and dutifully menstruating once a month like she was supposed to and there was no denying what was happening anymore. Puberty was upon them and the innocence was slowly being sucked away. Cloud wasn't there yet, but Leon knew that he knew. The blonde watched Aerith all the time when she wasn't looking and learned to steer clear of her when she was on her cycle. In an effort to be less awkward, the blonde even went so far as to go out into the city by himself and make some other friends.

"What's the big deal? So the kid likes his friend's tits," Reno snorted as Leon sulked on the couch.

"It's not a problem… it's just…" he trailed with a deep sigh.

"Rude's already had like… four thousand girlfriends."

"Four thousand?"

"Okay, maybe it's more like two. The point is: he's growing up. He's not even a virgin anymore and I doubt Cloud will be either by the time he's shipped off to the military."

"That's the part that scares me."

"What? Losing his virginity?"

"No. The military. I don't want him to grow up because I know where he's going."

"That's understandable," Reno said, leaning against the brunette's shoulder. Leon looked to him briefly.

"Aren't you worried about Rude, though?"

"Of course I am. But no amount of worrying is going to keep him safe until I'm with him. You have to accept that he's going to get a few bumps and bruises before you can take him home."

"But I don't want him to. I want him to come in his original box with the plastic still on," Leon huffed. Reno laughed.

"It doesn't work that way."

"I know. And it sucks."

"It does. I agree," the redhead said. They returned to their respective screens and held a comfortable silence for almost twenty minutes before the brunette had another thought.

"When are you supposed to leave?" he asked hesitantly. Reno thought about it.

"Well I'm allowed to make contact when he's eighteen, but I have to get acclimated and into Midgar before then. So I'll probably leave in a couple years to work on that. Why? When do you?"

"I was just curious. I'll have to be enrolled at my school a little bit before I can make contact, but I have to time it right so that I'll be in a graduating class that'll head out towards Midgar at some point. So I'll probably have to wait until he's at least sixteen to enroll. Or something like that. Not for a few years, anyway. I'll hammer out the details eventually," Leon sighed.

"You might want to work on that."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 19

Leon was sincerely happy he didn't have to go through puberty. Well, he _had_ gone through it but he was asleep for most of it so it didn't really count as a milestone. But it was alright because Cloud was having enough awful experiences for the both of them. Between the sudden itchy stubble, squeaking vocal cords, and the acne in places there shouldn't be acne, the blonde spent the better part of a year floundering around with the superficial changes his body decided it needed to do. At the very least he had a couple of friends around his age and they could sit around and be awkward together, playing cards or whatever they could come up with, so he wasn't completely alone in his torture.

For some odd cosmic reason, as Cloud got older and started looking more adult, the stranger Leon felt watching him. The blonde's spindly frame filled out and grew more muscular, transitioning from a wimpy kid to a fairly sizeable man who looked to be able to handle himself. As a result, the Carrier's sense of guardianship over his Charge diminished; he felt less like he was watching over the blonde and more like he was legitimately stalking him. He knew he had to make sure Cloud was healthy, and for the sake of his project he needed to make sure that health carried into the reproductive end of things. Leon felt really uncomfortable with that.

It was difficult for him to see Cloud as a sexual being. His mind was stubbornly hanging onto the previous fourteen years of the blonde's life, where watching him was relatively sane and innocent. Suddenly he had to follow his Charge specifically to see him naked and quite possibly watch him masturbate so he could make sure everything was there and working properly. Leon hated the idea and avoided it like the plague. Seeing Cloud with a marginal amount of body hair and a couple of zits was enough indication for him that things were progressing normally.

"See, I never had this problem," Reno said one sunny afternoon after Leon explained his uneasiness. The brunette was fishing. The redhead had tagged along for moral support and was lounging on the bank of the stream comfortably. "Maybe I'm overly sexualized or something but I already had a couple jollies before we even got here just by looking at Rude's picture."

"That's a little more than I needed to know," Leon said flatly. Reno shrugged.

"Romance was my plan from the very beginning, like I've said a billion times before. I was undressing him before he was born."

"Again, _way_ more than I needed to know."

"My point is, even if you don't want to, maybe you should think about it that way. Regardless of what you may think is going to happen, the point is that you're going to spend the rest of your life tied to him somehow. Do you _really_ want to spend your entire life _alone_? Yeah you might get a family at some point but they're not going to have that same sort of connection with you, and unless you go out and see someone illegally, you're sort of stuck. This is one of the rare situations where doing what you _want_ versus what you only _need_ is probably the best choice."

"I'm not sure if I can agree."

"Why? Do you even know what you want or are you just following the motions?" Reno asked.

"Reno, stop it."

"No, tell me what you want."

"I want you to shut up."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I'm done with this conversation. I've repeated myself just as many times as you have and I'm tired of it. Drop it. It's none of your business how I handle my private life anyway."

"I'm just trying to help," the redhead sighed.

"Right, by forcing your methods down my throat."

"Because yours are working so well, right? You're having an issue with taking an objective stance on Cloud's sexuality. However he handles himself is his own business but your job is to make sure that he can perform and is healthy. If you can't look at him like he's a patient to your doctor and at least _check_ then you're going to have more issues down the line since you're not prepared. For me, it's easier to get personal with someone than it is to hold them at arm's length but you need to make a decision fairly soon on how to handle things."

"I know… I just…" Leon sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"What?"

"It feels wrong. I feel like I'm violating him and I'm sure he'll feel the same way once he's aware of what we do."

"So don't tell him."

"Which is also wrong. How am I supposed to have a relationship with him like you want me to if I hide everything from him?"

"Like I want you to?"

"Yes. That's all you pester me about. I don't do anything else to warrant your incessant annoyance and I feel like the only way you're only going to leave me alone about this is if you walk in on us having sex in the kitchen."

"So… you _do_ want him?"

"Wh—n—stop!" Leon stuttered. "Why are you so concerned about my personal life any damn way?" he asked tiredly. Reno was quiet for several minutes as he thought about it.

"Because you're my friend. You may not think you need guidance, and maybe you'll be fine without it, but I want to see you happy. It sucks for me to think of you spending your life alone and wondering what could've been. I'm just giving some insight."

"Fine. I understand where you're coming from. I always have. But I would still like you to stop."

"…Okay. Sorry."

"Thank you," Leon sighed. Reno rolled onto his stomach and picked at the grass.

"Can I still know what you want, though? Without giving opinions?" he asked sheepishly. The brunette took several minutes to consider it.

"I do want someone. I don't want to be alone. If it's Cloud, then fine. If I have to risk myself to find the right one if it isn't him, then I will. I don't have any plans at this point, but it's not like I have a finite amount of years to get everything in order. Once Cloud crosses over with me, I can build a life," he said, attempting to keep most of the emotion out of his voice. He looked behind himself at the redhead. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah. It makes me feel better knowing that it matters to you."

"It always has. I don't want to be alone," he repeated. Reno nodded in agreement and continued pulling at the bristly blades. Leon refocused on the water. They shared a comfortable silence for more than ten minutes before the redhead got antsy and scooted onto the dock with the brunette. He pressed himself against Leon's back and wrapped his arms and legs around his midsection in a clinging full bodied hug.

"You and I can be secret lovers. It'll be fantastic. So scandalous. So taboo," he giggled. Though Reno couldn't see it, but Leon's face twisted into a disgusted scowl.

"That's disgusting."

"Why do you say that? You're cute, I'm cute, and we can be cute together."

"Number one, I don't see you like that nor do I ever want to. Number two, you've already gushed to me about your love for Rude so this whole idea just sounds terrible from the start. And number three, which probably is the most important, we're not the same species."

"So? Technically humans aren't our species either but we fuck them just fine."

"…That's not the point. At least we share a common denominator with humans. We each have at least half a human inside us, but at least when we sleep with them it isn't bestiality. It may be for them in some respects but on our side, we're clear. With Carriers we share the human side, but when we sleep together, the other halves differ and it gets a little too close to bestiality for my tastes. It would be easier to stomach if you were of my Totem but it's a forgettable positive because the bestiality is canceled out by the incest."

"That's… awful."

"Exactly. Which is why this is never going to happen nor come up in conversation again."

"I'm sort of scared by how much you've thought through that."

"I didn't. I just came up with it now. It hadn't occurred to me otherwise."

"So you're saying that you would never sleep with a Carrier even if you were human, because then it'd be bestiality in some aspects?"

"…Yes."

"Do you hate yourself for what you are?" Reno asked curiously, letting go of Leon and moving to sit next to him properly.

"I don't hate myself at all. In certain contexts, I dislike being a Carrier, yes. But I don't sit around brooding and going 'oh woe is me' so my dislike doesn't extend to the realm of 'hate' just yet. But if it gets in the way of my future goals, then I can see it happening."

"You know, for someone who sounds so lost on the extra details of life, you're very clear with your understanding of yourself."

"I think a lot. I conclude a lot. I'm all I've had to focus on personally. Me and Cloud. I'm analytical, methodical, and like to be as much of a realist as I can be and still get what I need. I know myself well enough within the limited boundaries I've been exposed to."

"Sounds a little obsessive to me, honestly," Reno said, reclining back on his hands.

"Control is important. I need to be informed so I can have a plan for when it comes time to expand my boundaries, so yes, self analysis is important. It's the stuff I haven't seen or experienced yet that muddles things up, but I have a solid base."

"You just turned what could've been a very entertaining ride through your personality into the blandest lecture I have ever heard. God damn."

"Sorry. I'm not all that creative, either."

"Clearly," Reno laughed.

"I hope you weren't serious about us, though. You weren't, right?" Leon asked, giving the redhead a suspicious glance. Reno grinned.

"Of course not. Didn't you hear? I'm already taken."

* * *

The next week was busy. It was getting closer and closer to when Reno needed to leave and he was buzzing around the inn talking to visitors and packing. There was a troupe of Shumi people that were versed on the procedures needed to help Carriers get out into the world. It mostly amounted to obtaining the things that they would need to live a normal life, such as regular clothes and minor grooming and housing amenities. They weren't very informed on societies and what was acceptable and unacceptable, but they knew how commerce worked and were able to provide Reno with the money he would use for the next few months.

Aside from helping the redhead fold his clothes and pack a little, Leon couldn't do much for him. Once he ran out of useful things to do, he let Reno have the living room and curled up in his room with his computer. His friend's words from the previous week hadn't left him and he couldn't stop thinking about them. He knew he didn't want to be alone, but he didn't know much else past that. The moral dilemmas he was having with watching Cloud conflicted with his solitary mindset and the result was a series of headaches he just couldn't shake.

Cloud seemed to be doing alright, which was a positive. When Leon settled in and started watching again, Cloud was just rolling out of bed. Half asleep and tousled, the blonde meandered down the hall to the bathroom. Leon could see a problem right away. The door wasn't completely closed but the light was on and streaming out from under it. Cloud never was a morning person though and didn't notice the issue until the door was wide open and Aerith screamed in surprise.

"_Cloud! Get out!_" she shrieked. She had just gotten out of the shower and had been attempting to wrap her hair in a towel. She was completely naked, angry, and pink with embarrassment. Needless to say, Cloud woke up real fast after that. Aerith stomped to the door, shoved him back a few feet and slammed the door shut again. The whole exchange took less than three seconds but it was enough for the blonde to get an eyeful. Once the door was closed Cloud could breathe again. His face turned bright red and he shuffled back to his room in a stupor.

Leon took a moment to go out into the kitchen and grab himself a glass of water. When he came back and sat at his desk, he immediately inhaled the liquid into his lungs and coughed it out his nose. Cloud was… busy. Masturbating. But it wasn't so much what he was doing that was the problem. It had caught Leon off guard, but it only compounded the surprise of actually seeing the blonde's penis. Cloud was very blessed and even though his camera was still on the floor, Leon could still tell that the blonde was bigger than him; in all dimensions. But his surprise was put on hold as he started coughing. He headed out of his room and to the bathroom to catch his breath and blow his nose.

"What's wrong?" Reno asked, poking his head in the bathroom. Leon cleared his throat, wiping his nostrils with a tissue. His face was bright red from what he had seen but he hoped the redhead thought it was from choking.

"Go look," he rasped. Reno raised a brow and went into the brunette's room.

"Holy fu—horse dick!" he squaked.

"I know!" Leon barked back. He sniffed, checking to make sure his nose was clear before he went back to his room. Reno was sitting at his desk and looking far too interested in his computer screen. "You know, your perverted brain really needs to learn when it's gawking at the wrong thing," the brunette grumped. The redhead glanced at him before looking at the screen again.

"I'm fascinated," he admitted.

"In the wrong Charge."

"No—well yes. But I'm more fascinated by his face. Something's not right."

"What do you mean?" the brunette asked, going to look over Reno's shoulder.

"He looks like he's in pain."

"…Well that's not good," Leon said, leaning down to see. It was clear that Cloud wasn't happy with what he was doing. He managed to finish and his ejaculate wasn't discolored or anything that suggested to either Carrier that there was something physically wrong with him. His skin was healthy and there wasn't anything out of place so the brunette doubted there was a serious problem, but the blonde was still didn't seem much better when he was done. He wiped his fingers off on a tissue before rolling onto his stomach and smashing his face into his pillow with a deep sigh.

"Wonder what's wrong with him," Reno said.

"He walked in on Aerith getting dressed in the bathroom. Then… yeah, I guess he couldn't help himself."

"He did it on purpose?"

"I don't think so, but his first thought was to go back to his room and… relieve himself."

"Ah yes, masturbating. The root of all teenage angst. I wonder if his friends have girlfriends."

"I don't pay that much attention to them. They mostly sit around watching television, playing cards, and eating together. Most of their conversations are about what else they could plan to do. Why does it matter if they have girlfriends or not?"

"Well, if he's the only one cranking it by himself then he probably feels like a loser and that's why he's dumpy. I can't think of any other reason a guy his age would be unhappy about masturbating."

"Did Rude go through that phase?" Leon asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Reno turned around in his chair to see him and shrugged.

"Not really. Then again Gongaga is a _really_ small town with not many kids to hang around with. He's by himself a lot so he doesn't get much exposure."

"But he's had girlfriends."

"Yeah because the only ones around him that are his age just happened to be girls. Had they been boys, he'd either be gay or just another one of the guys. He's sort of a loner anyway. Doesn't talk much."

"How do you know how Cloud feels then?"

"I felt like that at one point, too. And I have a lot of human cousins; they tend to be good sources of information."

"You used to feel like a loser? Why do I find that hard to believe?" Leon asked with a raised brow.

"Everyone does at some point in their lives. But mine was for the same reasons I think Cloud has. Having a bunch of successful family members hang around you with their partners really makes a guy evaluate his life and want the same thing. It's sort of the reason I strayed away and went out to find myself some action, so I could feel like I wasn't by myself."

"Was it really that torturous?"

"Yeah. It sucks. They never rubbed their relationships in my face and I don't fault them for anything, but just being around it all on a regular basis and going to bed by myself every night just drove it home for me. I met a lot of people while I was out and about, though. I had fun and spent nights away from the facility to break up the monotony."

"And the people you were with didn't care that you were a Carrier?"

"Some I didn't tell, some would talk about Carriers and I would tell them if they were positive about it, but if it didn't feel right, then I didn't say anything. When I look back on it, it sort of sounds like I had some weird STD that I didn't care if I gave away and kept it a secret to get in someone's pants."

"In a way, it _is _like that. Keeping it a secret to get what you want," Leon said. Reno shrugged again.

"Oh well. It's not like I was hurting anyone. I never did anything without their consent."

"How did you hide it though? Someone must have seen your model number at some point."

"Nope. They were always either riding me or I was behind them for that reason specifically."

"…Thanks for that visual," Leon grumbled sarcastically and rubbed his eyes. Reno laughed.

The squeaking of Cloud's bedroom door pulled their attention back to the computer screen as the blonde headed out into the hallway. The redhead drove the little camera and followed after him. Aerith was just exiting the bathroom, dressed, and with her hair wrapped in her towel. They both stopped walking when they noticed the other and stared at one another awkwardly for a few seconds. Both of them blushed a deep crimson. By some miracle, Cloud found his voice even though it was a nervous squeaky one.

"I uh… sorry," he blurted. "I didn't realize anyone was in there." He wrung his hands a bit and folded them behind his back. They were shaking.

"Kid's scared out of his fucking mind," Reno chuckled.

"First pair of naked breasts he sees and the experience traumatized the hell out of him. I'd be scared too," Leon said, lying on his side. "He's probably waiting for her to hit him."

"…Could've knocked," Aerith muttered.

"I know. I'm sorry," Cloud deadpanned. The girl took a breath and sighed.

"It's okay," she said and hurried past him and to her room. He watched her go, opening his mouth like he was going to say something but closed it when he lost his nerve. He sighed dejectedly and headed into the bathroom. Reno snorted.

"That was a face that said 'Aerith, I would really like to go out with you so I can touch your boobies instead of just look at them by accident,'" he said. Leon rolled his eyes and pitched a pillow at the back of his head. The redhead laughed again. "Don't get jealous."

"I'm not jealous."

"Sure acting like you are."

"How do you figure? I just don't like you making inappropriate comments about my Charge."

"You keep telling yourself that," Reno teased, looking over his shoulder at the brunette and wiggling his eyebrows. Leon gave him a glare.

"Fuck off."

"You're getting testy. That's my cue to leave you alone," the redhead said with smile playing on his lips. "You brood in here with Mr. Mammoth-Dong. I have packing to do," he said and hurried out the door before Leon could assault him again. The brunette jumped up and grabbed another pillow and launched it at the redhead. It met the door as it closed and landed on the floor harmlessly. He flopped back onto his bed, glaring at the ceiling in defeat. His brain was awash with jumbled thoughts and he mashed the heels of his hands into his eyes to clear it all away.

"I'm not jealous," he repeated to himself gruffly.

* * *

A few days passed, and Reno was cleared to leave. His luggage had been moved up and out of the village into the surface dome and was waiting for his departure. Leon wasn't sure how he was transporting everything, but it really wasn't his concern. The redhead took his time leaving, though, and milled around the inn, looking for excuses to stall. Leon insisted everything was in order and after several hours, the redhead really had no choice but to get going.

"I'm going to miss you so much! You better call me," Reno cried and abruptly hugged Leon to his chest. The air was squeezed from the russet Carrier's lungs and he let out a strangled squeak. The redhead released him. Their computers had the capability of communicating with one another, but only with audio. They had found the serial numbers of the machines and synced them up so they could keep in contact, but Leon doubted how much they would actually talk.

"I will," he promised anyway. He was already feeling the loneliness settle in so he wasn't very enthusiastic. Reno frowned at his friend's blank and hollow face and patted his shoulder.

"You'll be okay," the redhead said and gave Leon a proper hug. The brunette hesitated but hugged him back tightly.

"Be safe," he said. Reno pulled back and smiled.

"I will. No worries. I'm a doof, but I'm a smart doof," he said. Leon laughed a bit.

"If you say so."

"I do. But… I guess I need to go," the redhead said. "You _will_ call, right?"

"Yeah," Leon said.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, then," Reno said and waved. The brunette waved back and watched him leave. He didn't follow him outside but leaned over the railing to see him go out the door. Leon knew it was an inevitable part of their journey together but he couldn't help feel a little like he was abandoned. Reno gave him no indication that that was his intention, but the idea of spending a year by himself all of a sudden wasn't something he was looking forward to. He hadn't realized how much he had grown to rely on Reno's companionship. His chest hurt watching him leave.

On the other hand, Reno leaving was just another reminder of how close he was to leaving as well. He told himself it was about a year until he could go to Balamb but it was really more like ten months. He had shuffled through his paperwork and created a timeline for himself. The Elder had helped him estimate his travel time and they talked briefly of what to expect. Leon was fairly confident he could at least get there even if he was a little lost afterward. He was prepared to be socially awkward and looked at strangely when he was around the Balamb populace, and would be surprised if he didn't make an idiot of himself. But he had time to figure out what to do about that.

Cloud's awkwardness hadn't subsided since he saw Aerith in the bathroom. If anything it got worse. They didn't talk much and avoided each other for several days. After that they could stand to be in the same room together but there was no eye contact. Leon would catch Cloud watching the girl when she wasn't looking, though. Aerith would do the same thing to the blonde on occasion. For weeks the uneasy truce between them continued. It didn't seem to affect Aerith as much as it did Cloud and after a while Leon could tell that whatever was eating at his Charge was really starting to take its toll. He didn't go out as much, and he slept a lot more than he normally did; he was slowly turning into a hermit.

Surprisingly, Nana noticed Cloud's depression. She sent Aerith to the store one day and practically shoved the boy onto the couch so they could sit and talk. Cloud scooted as far away from her as possible and picked at his fingers, trying to avoid her.

"What's wrong with you two? You've been avoiding each other for weeks! I can hardly breathe when you're in a room together, the air is so tense," she said. The blonde didn't say anything right away. Nana slid across the cushions to him and nudged his shoulder. He glanced at her briefly.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said flatly.

"Well I want you to. I'm worried. You look so miserable," she said softly. She reached up and pushed pieces of his wild hair around gently. Cloud glared at the floor.

"She thinks I'm gross."

"…What? Why?"

"Like… I'm some weird pervert or something."

_He feels guilty? But he already apologized…_ Leon thought confusedly.

"Why would she think that? Did you say something to her?" Nana persisted. Cloud's face turned pink and he looked away.

"I don't want to talk about it," he repeated. Nana let out an exasperated sigh and slouched in her seat.

"I just want to know. I may be able to help you," she said. The blonde was quiet again, stewing in his thoughts. He looked worried, almost desperate. He eventually relented and gave Nana a nervous glance.

"I accidentally walked in on her getting out of the shower," he blurted quickly. The woman stayed quiet and raised a brow at him. Cloud's face turned bright red and he pulled the neck of his shirt up to hide in it. It didn't do much to disguise him, as he was red to the tips of his ears. Leon couldn't help but smile, it was sort of cute.

"But you didn't mean to," Nana said. Cloud nodded.

"Yeah," he grumbled.

"I understand why that would make things a little strange between you two, but are you really that upset about it?" she asked. "Or did she get angry?"

"Not really. I said I was sorry and she said we were okay but…"

"But?"

"Well… after I saw her, she slammed the door in my face and I… went back to my room and…you know…" he muttered, almost incoherently. Nana thought about it for a second before it dawned on her what he meant.

"Oh. _Oh_."

"I feel like I raped her," he said. Nana let out a sigh and smiled, she was relieved. She put her arm around him and rubbed his back.

"I'm not sure you understand how rare such feelings are in this country."

"I know. I'm weird," the blonde said, pulling his knees up to his chest and stretching his shirt over his legs, effectively making a sort of turtle shell to hide in. He rested his forehead on his knees inside the fabric and pulled his arms in with him.

"It may be strange because not many people are like that but believe me when I say that's a very positive thing," Nana said. Cloud went completely still, and Leon could see the disbelief radiating out of him. "A lot of men wouldn't think twice about what you did or even feel guilty for walking in one some woman in the bathroom. The level of respect you have for Aerith it…" she hesitated, trying to find the right words. "It speaks volumes about your character. To feel guilty over something that _everyone_ does at some point in their life really tells me how much I don't have to worry about you. I don't have to feel like I failed in being a mother to you, and I don't have to be afraid that you'll go out and act like Biggs."

"I don't like Biggs."

"No one does. I wonder if he even likes himself," Nana said flatly.

"Do you feel like you failed in being a mother to him?" Cloud asked, picking his face up enough to peek over the edge of his shirt at her. Nana shrugged.

"I used to. But there comes a point where no amount of influence is going to sway someone one way or another. If the person is old enough to know what they like and they don't like, they're obviously not going to pay any attention to the things that contradict them. Biggs was a good boy until he was old enough to go out on his own and apparently he found a lifestyle that suited him better than the one I taught him to have."

"You're not a bad mom," the blonde said. Nana smiled.

"It's a relief to hear you say that. Thank you."

"But how come I don't see more people like me on the TV, then? Everyone seems to be like Biggs."

"Because people want to watch what's interesting. Nice guys are way less interesting than the bad ones. People are strange in that they're entertained by negativity, but they never want to actually live with it. You may not be like everyone on TV, but you sure as hell aren't going to have a problem finding a girlfriend who will stick with you."

"Think so?" Cloud asked, pulling his legs out of his shirt and sitting normally.

"Yep."

"Do… do you think Aerith would want to…"

"Be your girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Is that even okay?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Wedge and Jessie got yelled at a lot," Cloud muttered. Nana shook her head.

"I didn't have a problem with Wedge and Jessie. I had a problem with Wedge, Jessie, _and Biggs_ being together."

"…I don't even understand how that's supposed to work."

"Don't worry about it," the woman interjected with a dismissive wave. "But to answer your question, no I don't have a problem with it, and yes I think she would. But you have to go out and talk to her if you're going to get anywhere. Hiding from her is not the solution to your issue."

"Okay," the blonde said quietly, shuffling a foot on the rug. A short silence passed between them. "One more question?" he asked.

"Sure."

"What exactly is a faggot?" he asked. Leon nearly choked he snorted so loudly. He was sincerely happy no one was around to hear the noise. Nana was a little taken aback as well.

"Where did that come from?" she asked.

"I was thinking about the guys on the TV and they say it all the time, but no one says what it is, just that it's bad and you get kicked out of the military for it and lose your citizenship."

"Oh. Well, it refers to two men who… have relations like men and women do, but with each other. It's a derogatory term for homosexual men."

"Guys can have boyfriends?…_Why_? That doesn't work."

"I don't see it outside the military so I really think it's more of a matter of desperation on their part versus actual dating. It's not right in a lot of ways."

_Fuck off, lady,_ Leon spat.

"Oh. But how do they even… there's no like… place to like—"

"Don't sweat the details, Cloud. Just take it at face value and continue on the way you are. You're normal. You don't have to worry about it."

"Yeah but now I'm confused."

"And you're allowed to be. But seriously. It's okay to drop it."

"But—"

"Drop it," Nana said firmly. The blonde shut his mouth with a huff. "Anyway, Aerith won't be back from the store for a little while yet. Want to help me get dinner started?"

"I guess?" the blonde said uneasily.

Cloud's cooking skills were less than perfect. In fact, they were downright abysmal. He cut himself way too many times while chopping the vegetables but he tried his hardest anyway. He was really more interested in eating whatever was going into the dinner versus helping Nana out, but he seemed to enjoy himself regardless. Aerith eventually came home with more ingredients for the pair in the kitchen to deal with and she set them out on the table before quickly excusing herself to go upstairs. It was a blatant tactic in avoiding Cloud as she was the one who usually helped with the cooking, but Nana didn't let the blonde dwell on the snubbing and shoved the cutting board in his hands again and insisted on his assistance.

Dinner was quiet and tense. Aerith ate quickly and practically launched herself back upstairs, leaving Cloud to deal with cleanup duty. Nana rubbed his back as he sulked and helped wash the dishes. Afterward, he flopped onto the couch on his stomach and stared blankly at the television for a while. He then went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. Leon was sort of surprised the girl never came back downstairs. Once he was clean, Cloud milled around in the hallway being indecisive. He paced back and forth thinking. He was out there for almost a half hour before he took a deep breath and went to Aerith's door and knocked. She opened the door timidly.

"Hi…" the blonde squeaked quietly.

"Hi…" she squeaked back at him. The silence that followed was deafening. Neither of them could make eye contact and red in their faces looked painful.

"I uh…" Cloud drawled stupidly, his voice cracking. "I feel like… you hate me."

_Oh how charming,_ Leon thought.

"I don't," Aerith said, hiding behind the door, only her face peeking out to see.

"That's good… uh…"

_This is painful_, Leon sighed. The length of the gaps in conversation was drawing out the moment and torturing them both. Saying five or six half sentences in the span of a minute was a good way to rack up the nervousness and lose the gumption it took to start the conversation in the first place.

"Hmm?" Aerith hummed, attempting to get the blonde to continue. Cloud looked like he was going to crumble apart at any moment. He chewed on the inside of his lip nervously.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything," he blurted quickly and hurried off back to his room in a near sprint. Leon held his face in his hands, embarrassed for his Charge.

"Wait!" Aerith called, rushing out of her room after him. She shoved her hand against his door and stopped it from closing with her foot. "I'm sorry," she said. The blonde stopped trying to shove the door closed and looked at her through what little space was left.

"Why are _you_ sorry? You didn't do anything."

"I've been avoiding you."

"That's okay. I deserved it. It's not like I wasn't doing the same thing anyway."

"Yeah, I know, but I still feel bad. I said everything was okay and then I acted like it wasn't. I don't hate you… I'm just… scared," she said, pulling her limbs away from the door and standing normally.

"You don't have to be. I don't think I'll forget to knock ever again," Cloud said. Leon almost tried reaching through the computer to slap him. Aerith's cheeks turned bright red again.

"That's not what I meant. I'm scared because…" she hesitated, shuffling her feet and looking at the floor. "I like you and I didn't know if you liked me back," she said quickly and barely above a whisper. Cloud stared at her wordlessly through the crack in the door.

"You just saved me like… two hours of feeling like a complete loser for running away," he blurted. He opened the door some more so he could lean against the frame. He rested his forehead on the wood and gave her a sideways glance. "I still feel like a loser but at least you said what I wanted to say so now I don't have to."

"You… like me?" she asked. He nodded.

"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat a few times to get it to stop. For the first time in weeks they were able to look at each other and not run screaming in the other direction. They both smiled, though they were small and unsure. "So… did you want to go out tomorrow? Together?"

"Okay," she said, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know," Cloud said with a shrug. "Dancing?"


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 20

'Dancing' was a relative term. Leon had never danced in his life so he really couldn't say for sure if Cloud and Aerith were any good. Be that as it may, they were doing all the things everyone else around them were, so they had to be doing something right. Even if the 'dance' was correct, it still looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to everyone's legs, stapled a series of left feet to the pieces, and then shoved them out onto a sheet of ice. From an outsider's perspective, it was all ridiculous, but everyone seemed to enjoy the random flailing anyway, so that was the most important part.

The music was loud, the room was small, and the lights were sparse. The place was accessed through a door in between two other buildings that lead to a staircase down into a basement. Leon was suspicious of it overall, as all age groups mixed together and there wasn't anyone there that seemed to give a damn about the kids sitting at the bar in the far corner. He couldn't say for sure what was being served to them, but there was an overhang of a smoky haze that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up anyway. Cloud and Aerith weren't the ones smoking, but the other patrons dotting various seating arrangements were. Leon could tell, even at a distance, that it was Mako.

The smoking was mostly limited to a small section across the room from the bar where the eyes were glowing and there was a lot of touching. The Carrier didn't have to be there to feel uncomfortable and he caught Cloud giving the people leery eyes. Aerith didn't seem too bothered by any of it and kept the blonde distracted on the dance floor. Once she was able to do that, he couldn't keep his eyes off her. Every opportunity she gave him to touch her, he took it. Even though it was all innocent and limited mostly to her arms and hands, Leon could see how happy it made him. He had never seen his Charge smile so much before, not even when he was a baby.

_I wonder how long he's felt like that about her,_ Leon thought.

After a few hours of alternating between dancing and sitting and talking, Cloud started slowing down. Aerith was fine, but the blonde kept wincing and rubbing his forehead. She eventually noticed and they went outside to get some air. The blonde took in a deep breath and leaned against the side of the building.

"Sorry, the smoke is giving me a massive headache," he grunted, holding his head in his hands.

"Did you want to leave?" she asked, reaching up to feel his forehead.

"No. I don't."

"I think we should. You feel warm."

"It's hot in there; I'm sure you do too."

"I don't want you to get sick, though."

"I just have a headache."

"Don't you remember getting sick before?" she asked. He scrunched his brows together, thinking.

"Not really, no."

_Selective memory. It's okay, I sort of want to forget it happened, too_, Leon thought.

"Well I do. I don't want you to get that sick again. Let's go," she insisted, giving him firm yet concerned eyes. The blonde stared at her for a moment before giving in. They headed out down the street together. Leon didn't think a whole lot into why Cloud didn't want to leave, but the reality was that the blonde just didn't want the day to end yet. Going out dancing was really just an excuse to be really close to Aerith without making her uncomfortable. If he had his way, he wouldn't ever take his hands off her but he was convinced that she wouldn't be okay with that. He wasn't confident he could push the boundaries to get what he wanted and still keep her around. He was afraid to come off like Biggs or the guys on the television did and if that happened, he didn't know what he would do with himself.

They made it back to the house and Aerith shoved Cloud through the door and up the stairs. The blonde's head was throbbing by the time they got back and his mood had deteriorated with it. He flopped in his bed and buried his face in his pillows, trying to quell the pain. Aerith sat next to him and ran her fingers through his hair attempting to lull him to sleep. Nana appeared in the doorway with a confused expression.

"What are you two doing home so early? I was expecting you to be out much longer," she said.

"People were smoking and it gave Cloud a headache," Aerith explained. The blonde let out a groan and pulled another pillow over the back of his head, forcing the girl to stop petting him. Nana frowned.

"Well let him sleep, then," she said. Aerith nodded and stood. Before should step away, Cloud abruptly reached out and grabbed her wrist, holding her in place. She stopped and looked to him, his face peeking out from under the pillow.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. She smiled and bent over him, moving his pillow just enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. He smiled. She left then, closing the door behind her quietly. Cloud lay still for several minutes before he toed off his shoes and pulled the blanket out from under himself. He didn't bother with the rest of his clothes at first, but after twenty minutes under the covers he decided it was too hot and discarded everything and settled again. After that, he just couldn't sleep. He rolled around trying to get comfortable, holding his head and pouting to himself. It took him over an hour to finally fall asleep, but he was awoken shortly thereafter when Aerith snuck back into his room.

"Cloud?" she whispered, crouching next to his bed and rubbing his shoulder gently.

_What the hell? Go away. Let him sleep_, Leon grumped at her. She persisted though, nudging him gently until he finally peeled an eye open. Once he noticed it was Aerith he startled and his eyes flew open.

"Aerith!" he squawked, pushing himself up on his elbows.

"Ssh! Nana is asleep," the girl whispered. Cloud's eyes flicked to his pants and underwear lying in a crumpled heap on the floor and then back to her. He was covered, but that wouldn't help him much if she needed him to move somewhere.

"Well… what did you need?" he asked quietly.

"I can't sleep."

"Okay…"

"Does your head still hurt?"

"Sort of," he grunted, rubbing an eye. Her expression crumpled and she sighed.

"I'm sorry, I'm being stupid," she said.

"No, you're not. I'm just not sure what I can do for you."

"I was sort of hoping you'd be willing to sit and talk," she said sheepishly. "If you don't want to, that's okay too."

"I can. But… can you hand me my pants first?" he asked. She blinked before blushing and looking to the floor.

"I didn't even notice. Sorry," she said, picking them up and handing them over. She turned around and covered her eyes. He quickly pulled the clothing on and sat up. He winced and rubbed his head when he got a little dizzy.

"Okay," he said. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure it was safe before she scooted over and sat on the bed with him. Being half asleep and in moderate pain seemed to help the blonde be far less nervous around her, and that was an observation that fascinated and pissed Leon off at the same time. He felt Cloud should be asleep, but thought it was cute he was willing to stay up and help her.

"I'm scared," she said, folding her legs under herself and picking at the seam of her pajama pants. Her hair was loose from the normally tight braid she kept it in and when her clothing didn't fully satisfy her fidgeting, she settled for raking her fingers through the ends of it.

"Of what?"

"It's really stupid…"

"You can still tell me."

"I'm scared about leaving."

"…I didn't know you were going somewhere."

"No, I mean leaving like Jessie did."

"Oh. Well we still have a couple years before that happens."

"I know, which is why it's stupid. But I think about it a lot. I don't want to go to the capitol. Or travel with the military. I keep wondering how the women here get to stay here."

"Have you asked Nana? She's been here for… forever," Cloud said, combing his fingers through his hair a few times.

"She's probably here because she can't have children."

"How does someone figure that out, though? How do they know it's not the guy's problem?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't want to have that problem, anyway. I just don't want to be passed around by a bunch of guys I don't know," she said sadly.

"I don't want that to happen either," the blonde said. She smiled some.

"Do… do you want a family some day?"

"Uh… I hadn't really thought about it before," he deadpanned.

_Whether he does or he doesn't is irrelevant, because he's going to have one anyway_, Leon said to himself.

"I didn't expect you to," she giggled. "You don't have to worry about it as much as I do."

"Yeah… I just have to worry about not dying."

"That'd be nice. I wonder how Barret pulls it off. He's come and gone so many times."

"I wondered about that too. I sort of think he's made of rocks and metal and things just bounce off him. It's weird that he's still around."

"Isn't he like… forty-something? That's… old," Aerith said.

_Forty is old?_ Leon asked. It made sense though. If a great percentage of the population dies in the war or from Midgar's screwed up politics then forty might just be the oldest most people get to be. It was a sharp contrast from what the Carrier was used to, to say the least.

"Yeah it is," Cloud agreed. He rested his forehead in his hand and closed his eyes tightly. The girl scooted closer to him and rubbed his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. Go back to sleep," she said. He shook his head and looked to her.

"I'm okay."

"You're sure?" she asked, face unsure.

"Yeah," he insisted. He sat straight again and took her hand from his shoulder and held it in his own. She smiled a bit.

"I wonder why the smoke makes you sick though. I got a little lightheaded, but I was okay."

_Dur, maybe it's because it's toxic?_ Leon mocked.

Cloud shrugged. "Guess I'm just lucky."

"Or unlucky."

"No, I think I'm pretty lucky," he said, making a point to run his thumb over the back of her hand and look her in the eye. She smiled again, cheeks turning pink. Leon rolled his eyes. "Do you feel better?" the blonde asked.

"Some, yeah," she said. She fidgeted a bit. "I'm sorry, I should let you get back to sleep."

"You apologize too much. I just wanted to know if I was helping or not. I'm not kicking you out."

"Okay… and yes, you are," she said hesitantly.

"You give me the impression you have more you want to say."

"Well… I wanted to ask if I could stay in here tonight," she said quietly. Cloud's face blanked.

"Uuh…" he drawled stupidly, his voice cracking a bit.

_Either she has innocent intentions and I'm a dirty pervert, or she just got really bold, really fast,_ Leon said to himself, squinting at the girl suspiciously.

"I don't have to, it's okay," she amended, pulling her hand out of his and looked down at her lap in shame.

"No, I'm… okay with it just… I'm not sure Nana would be," the blonde said. Aerith chewed on a fingernail.

"True," she deadpanned. She resumed nervously running her fingers through the ends of her hair. Cloud scowled and gave her a scrutinizing eye.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked. Her pace picked up, raking her fingers through over and over again until she let out an exasperated sigh and plopped her hands in her lap with a dejected face.

"No. I'm not."

"What can I do for you, then?"

"I want a hug."

"…Why didn't you tell me that, then?" Cloud asked, holding his arms open for her. Instead of just leaning forward like any normal person would, Aerith abruptly shoved herself into his lap and clasped onto to his midsection. She buried her face in the crook of his neck. The blonde was surprised but recovered quickly and hugged her tightly. In a matter of seconds the girl broke apart and her shoulders started shaking with quiet sobs. Cloud's face flashed between the realization and confusion before settling for an unhappy crease in his brow. "Aerith…"

"I'm sorry," she squeaked before coughing out a cry. Her fingers dug into his skin a little as she clung to him. "You did help me some but…" she sniffled. "This is the first time I've said anything," another sniffle, "to anyone and… I just… I miss her so much," she huffed. Cloud let her have a couple minutes to get the tears out of her system before he shifted her around and nudged her to sit back and look at him. He held her face in between his hands and wiped at her cheeks with his thumbs. Aerith had to force herself to calm down before the uneven breaths and sniffling subsided enough to where could look at him.

"I know it sucks that she's gone, but you can't get yourself all upset over it because there's nothing we can do about it. If we had a way to bring her back, then I'd say it was okay, but at this point it's just not realistic because you'd never stop. There's no guarantee that we won't see her again. Crying and upsetting yourself isn't going to help our chances any. It's been _years_ since they left. Give yourself a break, okay?"

"I'm sorry," she squeaked at him, chin quivering. He let out a tired sigh and hugged her again.

"Stop apologizing. You're not doing anything wrong, I just want you to stop crying," he said. She took a deep shaking breath and let it out slowly. When she calmed again, she pulled away and wiped her face, sniffling lightly. Cloud gave her a weak smile. "You know what we can do?"

"What?" Aerith snuffed.

"I think, that when the time comes for us to go, we should shave your head and roll you around in the dirt so they don't know how pretty you are and won't take you," he said. The girl gave him a disgruntled face. "So then you can stay here, and I can go out and try and find her. Even… even if she's in the capitol; and I can try and bring her back here."

"Cloud?"

"Hmm?"

"That's really stupid."

"I know. But I'm _trying_, okay?" he said with a nervous smile. "I don't really know what else I can say to make you happier. But… I really would try and find her. It isn't a definite that she went to the capitol, and she could be traveling with the guys, so it's possible."

"Yeah…"

"Either way, I want you to stop worrying. We still have a while yet, okay? We can come up with a less stupid plan in the mean time."

"Okay…" she trailed. Cloud scowled again. He flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling in defeat.

"I'm not helping, am I?" he asked. Aerith chewed on her lip a few times before she crawled up and sat on his stomach. Cloud grunted under her weight and looked up at her. She leaned over and smiled at him.

"You are. You're right. I'll try to stop dwelling."

"Promise?" Cloud asked. She nodded. He smiled and patted her leg.

"How's your head?" she asked.

"It hurts," he responded. She looked down and picked at her fingers sheepishly. "If you apologize again, I'm not going to talk to you for a week," he said flatly.

"I still feel bad," she mumbled. He flicked a piece her hair around idly.

"I'm glad you came to me, though."

"Even if I woke you up?"

"Yeah. Because it lets me know that you trust me enough to think I can help."

"Oh…" she said with a small smile.

"Can you do me a favor though?"

"Sure."

"Can you get off my stomach? I sort of felt queasy even before we started talking," he grunted. She startled a bit and scooted off him quickly and sat on the edge of the bed. Cloud sat up again and leaned back against his pillows. "Thanks."

"Sor—hmm…" she tried. He smiled.

"It's okay. You're okay now?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"Any time," he said. She scooted closer to his side and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her tightly again and rested his face against hers. They pulled apart just enough to see each other. Leon could see it coming from a mile away. They each smiled, just the barest twitch of the lips before Cloud took a chance and leaned forward just enough to give her peck. When she didn't pull away from him, he gave her another, and then another. She was receptive and matched his kisses with her own and before long they were locked together, oblivious to everything else around them. Their movements were cautious, experimental. Neither of them were confident enough to dive straight in shoving their tongues down the other's throat but there was enough activity to suggest to the Carrier that they weren't that far away from figuring it out.

Leon had mixed feelings. Despite the fact that Cloud should've been sleeping and recuperating, his mind kept going back to his feelings of not wanting the blonde to grow up. He could see the innocence peeling away as the days ticked by and judging by the very obvious lump in the front of the blonde's pants, he was well on his way to adulthood. If Aerith obliged him, that is. Leon really didn't think she wouldn't, and that brought up a plethora of questions. Just much how did they know about sex? Do they know the consequences? Do they know how to play it safe? Did birth control methods even exist in Midgar?

It was all too much, and the brunette just wanted to turn back Cloud's hormonal clock just long enough to get him away from her and to where he really needed to be. The last thing the Carrier needed was for Aerith to get pregnant. If Cloud had the moral substance to feel bad about masturbating to whatever Aerith-themed fantasy he had then Leon didn't doubt how strongly he would feel about having a child. The dedication could be earth shattering and the Carrier was afraid of Cloud creating more excuses for himself to not leave. Having Aerith was more than enough already. Convincing the blonde to dump his girlfriend off on a doomed rock didn't sound very easy, let alone his girlfriend _and_ his kid. Leon wasn't even sure he would be able to live with the guilt afterward.

* * *

Having known each other for virtually their entire lives, Cloud and Aerith's dating relationship progressed quickly since all of the other formalities and 'get to know' you things were already over with. They knew what the other liked to eat, they know what the other liked to do, but the greatest amount of discovery came when they needed to come up with things to do together. Aerith was very subdued and didn't mind spending her days in the house either helping Nana or making something. She knew how to knit and liked to garden in between bouts of cooking. Cloud was more active and was either tromping around outside working on his chores or wandering around the town with his friends. Trying to find a happy medium between the two lifestyles was difficult.

The nighttime scene was perilous. They had to be very choosy with which venues they went to since pretty much everywhere allowed smoking. Cloud could handle a couple hours of secondhand exposure but much longer than that and he'd be confined to his bed for at least a day afterward. Wandering around in town after dark without anywhere to go wasn't the safest plan either, nor was walking the mountain trails behind the house. There were many occasions where they were so stuck for something to do that they'd just give up and watch television together.

A few months after Cloud's fifteenth birthday, he got a job outside of the house just to break up the monotony. Spending all day with Aerith, then expecting to be entertained by her, or her by him, in the evening was a little much. Plus, a little money in his pocket was always a bonus. He was only gone a few days out of the week and the work he did was tiresome but Leon could tell it was beneficial for him. The blonde mostly did odd jobs that anyone wanted him to do but he tended to be picked up by the older men in town who needed a young pair of arms to do some manual labor. 'Move this heavy thing from point A to point B' was routine, but every now and again he would have to get up on a ladder to hang or repair something.

Even if he wasn't being properly educated, the Carrier was thankful for Cloud's mental and physical enrichment. At the very least Leon knew he was willing to work and he wasn't just some lazy freeloading kid expecting the world to be delivered to him. Plus, it kept him in shape. The blonde was looking much healthier than he had been over the last couple years. Sun-kissed and muscular was way better than pasty white and spindly in Leon's book. If only Cloud would learn the value of a haircut. Regardless, all the positive progression did wonders for the blonde's confidence. He was breaking out of the timid little shell he had been squeezed in by childhood teasing and ridicule.

"Ew, get off me, you smell," Aerith piped as Cloud wrapped his arms around her from behind and leaned against her back. He had come home from another day of working in the sun and snuck in the house quietly, hoping for such a reaction. Aerith was at the stove, stirring an oversized pot of soup.

"But I thought you liked my smell," the blonde said, resting his face on her shoulder and giving her a squeeze.

"I like your smell when you smell like you, not when you smell like a dead fish in an old boot. Seriously. Go shower," she insisted, elbowing him in the side. He laughed, kissed the side of her neck, and let her go. He headed back into the house towards the staircase, but he stopped when he was halfway there and looked around.

"Where's Nana?" he called back to her.

"In bed."

"Again?"

"Yeah…" Aerith trailed.

"Hmm…" Cloud hummed thoughtfully. He traipsed upstairs and showered quickly, coming back downstairs in less than fifteen minutes. Aerith had disappeared into Nana's room where the woman was sitting up and eating the girl's soup, one tiny spoonful at a time. The blonde scooted onto the bed next to Aerith and gave Nana an expectant look. "What's wrong?"

"Just a chill," Nana said flatly. No one was convinced, not even Leon. This was the third 'chill' the woman had come down with in the last two months and she had been taking naps on a regular basis whereas before, there weren't any. While Cloud was out working, Aerith had started picking up Nana's slack in keeping the house together. Granted, Nana did have all the symptoms of a bad cold but Leon noticed things Cloud and Aerith didn't, simply because he knew what he was looking at.

Nana was eating less and losing weight. The Carrier had purposely watched her get dressed a few times and discovered several purple-ish blotches on her skin next to a couple of nasty bruises that weren't there the previous day. She would get winded walking up the stairs more than normal, and had mentioned that her fingers, elbows, and knees were bothering her. Some days were better than others, and Leon had only really started paying attention to her symptoms recently, but he was willing to bet she had been feeling off kilter longer than anyone knew. She wasn't one for complaining though, and aside from the occasional grunt because her joints ached, she didn't say much.

The group held a brief discussion about what Nana's problem was, and what was possibly making her sick, which was followed by the woman getting cranky at the children for being nosy. She eventually got so fed up with their nitpicking, she yelled at them both and booted Cloud out of the room. She shoved her half-eaten bowl of soup in his hands and shooed him away. The blonde grumpily dumped the dish off in the kitchen and sat at the table with a huff. Aerith had done just as much complaining as he had, so it made him and his Carrier wonder why he was singled out. Fortunately for Leon, he could sneak back in and listen.

"—and I think it's time I start teaching you a few things. If my plan works, you could stay here instead of leaving when Cloud does. Does that sound okay?" Nana asked, voice passive and warm. Aerith was still sitting on the bed with her, her brows furrowed in thought.

"But what about Cloud? What if he wants to learn too?" she asked.

_Learning is good_, Leon quipped.

"He doesn't have the option, I'm afraid. If there was some loophole I could exploit to keep him here, believe me when I say I'd do it in a heartbeat. But the law is clear, and he doesn't have a choice. The things I want to teach you won't benefit him where he's going."

"But… what if he's like Barret and comes back all the time?"

"There's no guarantee he'd be that way. Barry's a rare breed of soldier because he's been able to live this long. Other than that, he's no different than anyone else."

"Well what if I _want_ to follow Cloud? What if I don't want to stay here?"

"Don't be ignorant," Nana spat with a harsh scowl. "The idea that you could be happy following the military around is foolish. It's worse than the capitol. At least if you were living there, they care enough to heal you once you have a child. There's a slim chance they'd use the energy to keep you around in the field. Women are useless to them, Aerith. No one but Cloud would give a damn about you there and he'd be outnumbered by thousands. Don't think for a second you're better off following him, even if it hurts to say goodbye. If he turns out like Barret, then that's wonderful, but I can't put all my eggs in one basket and trust either of you will come back once you leave. So I'm giving you this opportunity because I want you to stay and be safe," the woman explained.

"Did you give the same opportunity to Jessie?" Aerith asked, sounding almost resentful. Nana scowled.

"No. I didn't," she said.

"Why not? She's just as capable as I am."

"Because I wasn't sick five years ago."

"You apparently only have a 'chill' so I hardly think that's reason to jump into this," Aerith said haughtily, giving the woman a glare and crossing her arms over her chest. Nana let out a dejected sigh, having been caught in her own web.

"You're right. I don't have a chill. There's more to it than that and I don't know what my problem is but it's getting worse. This is my way of having an insurance policy because I honestly don't know if I'm going to get any better," she said flatly. Aerith's expression softened and turned worrisome.

"Nana…"

"I know. But it's the reality. I want you to stay here and keep up my work so that you can be safe and happy. Who knows? Maybe Cloud will be able to come back in a few years after he leaves and you two can get married and have kids here. But for now, I need to deal with what's concrete and realistic, and you are all I have," the woman explained, pausing every line to take a breath. She coughed a few times and settled back against her pillows tiredly. "Think about it for me. I need to rest," she said.

"Okay…" Aerith said. She shuffled out of the bed and made her way back into the kitchen quietly. Cloud sat up when he saw her and she took the opportunity to sit in his lap. She settled against his chest with a sigh.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Nana wants me to take her place running the house."

"Is she going somewhere?"

"She's sick and just wants some insurance," Aerith said sadly. Cloud furrowed his brows.

"She said she just had a chill, what the hell?"

"She doesn't want us to worry."

"Well she isn't doing a very good job anymore," the blonde said grumpily. "But does that mean you don't have to leave?"

"Maybe," Aerith said flatly.

"Then that's good!"

"But I don't know if I get to stay if Nana gets better."

"Oh."

"Yeah… and I'd feel bad that something would have to happen to her in order for me stay."

"But if it was going to happen on its own, then why would that be your fault?"

"…I don't know. I just… want to stop thinking about it for now. I'll make a decision in a little bit."

"What do you mean 'make a decision'? Of course you need to do it," the blonde said. Aerith hid her face against his neck, trying to avoid the stern face that went with the stern voice.

"But what if I can follow you?" she asked quietly.

"No way. There is no way in hell I would let you follow me out there if you have an option to stay here. You'd be a target before I could stop anyone. You have to accept."

"But what if I don't see you again?"

"Then that's even more of a reason to stay here so you're not wrapped up in whatever it is that prevented me from coming back. I'm serious, Aerith," he insisted, nudging her to sit back so he could see her. She gave him timid eyes. "I'd never be able to forgive myself if you got hurt chasing after me."

"But it wouldn't be your fau—"

"Stop. Please. That's enough," he interjected. He held her face between his hands and kissed her gently. She sighed and nodded. Cloud reclined back against the chair again. "Okay, so… anything else to report?"

"Not really, no. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and see if he can come visit. Until then, there isn't much else to do aside from eat dinner."

"Okay," he agreed and patted her back, giving her the signal to get off him so they could serve themselves. Dinner was quiet and Cloud was the only one with somewhat of an appetite. Normally the blonde could eat an entire moose in one sitting so just one bowl of mostly-broth-soup was unsettling. Leon tried not to dwell and hoped the dreariness would pass quickly.

After their meal, cleaning up followed by lounging on the sofa in front of the television was the next plan. They checked in on Nana periodically as well. When it was time for bed they each went their separate ways to change. It had become a habit between them that they never stayed apart for long after dark. Sex had yet to be a part of their relationship at that point but that didn't keep the kissing and wandering hands at bay. They usually met in one of the bedrooms to do just that for an hour. Neither of them was brave enough to take the next step though, which Leon was more than okay with. However, it was only a matter of time; they were a hair's breadth away from getting there.

When they met that evening, the Carrier was tossed into a whole new realm of guilt. It had been building for a while and was steadily spilling over. He knew he couldn't give Cloud what Aerith gave him. They looked so happy together. So loving. All the work and professional fulfillment in the world couldn't replace what Cloud would lose once he crossed over. Leon didn't think he could make the blonde as happy as he was right then. Maybe in a couple years when the war bore down on him it would be easier to see the benefits but right at that moment, with Aerith wrapped around him, Leon was convinced that Cloud would never be that happy again.

After a few minutes of stewing and half heartedly watching them paw at one another, the Carrier muted their heated panting and wet kissing and decided to finally ring Reno up. Their conversation would override the audio, but the video was still running. He sent the call through and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited, during which time the teenagers in front of him were getting more and more naked. He was about to stop the feed and the call all together when Reno suddenly answered, sounding out of breath.

"Well! This is unexpected. Glad you remembered I'm still here and decided to make good on your promise," the redhead blurted, letting out a long breath afterwards.

"The hell are you doing?" Leon grumped, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Well I _was_ fucking my neighbor from down the hall. I was trying to kick her out when you rang and 'a call from work' was a pretty good excuse to be rude and get her to leave outright."

"You're awful."

"What? This celibacy shit is for the priests. I was a good boy for almost seventeen years, thank you very much. There isn't a rule that says I have to stay that way the _entire_ time before I make contact. Just need a little relief."

"Charming. What does your neighbor feel about your philanthropy?"

"Dude. I'm in the capitol. It's like a grab bag of loose women in a lot of places. I just happen to be in an area where people actually have more than a cardboard box to live in. But that doesn't mean it's still not _insanely_ easy to get laid. She doesn't care. Neither does her live-in guy-thing."

"Guy-thing?"

"He's not her husband because they can't get married, and he's just as loose as she is so I doubt he's her boyfriend too, but he lives with her, and I hear them fuck through the very very thin walls."

"Oh."

"Anyway. Enough about me. I assume you called for a reason? You're really bad at small talk."

"I'm having a moral crisis," Leon said flatly. Cloud and Aeirth's activities had slowed but progressed to curious touching. He tried not to stare.

"Getting randy to fifteen year olds?"

"Can you not say something perverted for three minutes?"

"You're the one who asked what I was doing, don't bring previous contexts into this."

"Fine. And no, it's not that. Cloud's really happy and I'm having a problem coming to terms with taking him from it."

"Ah. I see. I was sort of thinking about that the other day. Rude's found some girl named Chelsea and he's totally stupid for her. It's sort of disgusting. Be he looks so happy. They're somewhat serious about each other so I'm a little concerned."

"Well Cloud and Aerith aren't exactly signing marriage papers just yet, but that doesn't change the impact."

"The way I look at it is, they're most likely not going to be that happy two years from now. Rude is going to have to work at some point like his timeline says he will, and I just have to wait and see if Chelsea follows or sticks around after that. Cloud is going to war. Who knows what'll happen after that? Aerith could move on for all you know."

"True…" Leon trailed.

"And if that happens, you can score yourself some rebound manipulation and have him follow you. You can't just give up before you've even tried," Reno said.

"Also true," the brunette agreed. He squinted at his screen. "Augh," he blurted and covered his eyes.

"What?"

"They're actually having sex this time. They've come real close several times but—eh—feh…" he pouted, slouching under his computer in a huff. Cloud and Aerith had stopped their activities briefly and were talking, and despite every brain cell telling him not to, Leon turned the sound for the video feed back on.

"—stings a little bit," Aerith muttered squeakily.

"Did you want to stop?" Cloud asked huskily.

"Aw, that's cute," Reno twittered. Apparently he could hear it as well.

"Shh! Shut up," Leon spat.

"No. I want this… just… be gentle with me," the girl said. Cloud laid himself on top of her and buried his face in the side of her neck and muttered something quietly that Leon couldn't make out. Aerith smiled though and rubbed his back. "I don't mind."

"It's embarrassing," the blonde grumbled. Reno started giggling.

"I think I know what he's talking about," the redhead said. Leon shushed him again. But Cloud didn't say anything else and started moving again. Aerith gripped his arms and squeezed her eyes shut; making it clear she wasn't really enjoying herself. But it didn't matter because Cloud was done in a very unimpressive five minutes. Reno burst into laughter when it was all said and done. Cloud's entire body turned bright pink in embarrassment. Leon just looked at the screen confusedly.

"That's it?" he asked in mild surprise. Reno stifled his giggles long enough to speak.

"The first time is always bad. It's like a rule," he said. The brunette sighed. "Are you really that upset?"

"Not about that," Leon muttered.

"Oh. Well what is it, then?"

"I just hope he doesn't get her pregnant."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **Sorry for the delays. School comes first.

* * *

Chapter 21

Leon was preparing to leave. He still wasn't going for another few months, but the barter system used in the village was hard to maneuver if one needed things from outside. Things weren't free and everything he needed had to be paid for in work. He was grateful Cloud wasn't doing much that was new or interesting other than fucking Aerith is creative ways, so he was easily ignorable. The work wasn't overly complicated and mostly involved running errands for people, but the most rewarding work he did was for the farmers. Without Reno there to haul stuff around for them, they were more than happy to have a pair of overly strong arms to abuse.

The majority of the work was similar to what Cloud was doing in Nibelheim. 'Take this heavy thing and put it by that heavy thing, then climb up there and fix this,' was a common mantra, but Leon didn't care about those things. He found he actually liked to help them sow the seeds and tend the crops. It was relaxing. He could fall into a trance where he could do the repetitive work and think at the same time. He could sort out his thoughts and calm himself when it came to his moral dilemmas and concerns. He could do the same when he was fishing, but that wasn't enough activity to keep him awake long enough for it to benefit him any. Plus, he could work long periods and the amount he could get done really helped the other farmers feel more giving.

He sort of regretted not taking the Bead Maker's suggestion back when it said he should start a little garden for himself. The soil in the field was fascinating. The overall temperature in the village was a constant and comfortable room temperature, but when a seed was pushed into the ground and covered up, that spot would get noticeably warmer. Leon found he could come back to a spot several minutes after he planted something and sift through the soil and find the seed again. Not because the seeds were easily visible, but there would be a tiny droplet of the Lifestream trying to force its way through the kernel's shell. He watched it in a mesmerized stupor for over twenty minutes as the little glowing blob disappeared inside.

"Plants are wonderful things, aren't they?" one of the farmers asked him while leaning over his shoulder. Leon glanced back at it before nodding.

"I'm afraid plants from where I come from aren't as interesting," he noted, recovering the seed with dirt.

"No? Let me rephrase. Seeds are wonderful things."

"…Seeds make plants; I'm not sure what the difference is between your points."

"Well, seeds start out as one. You put a single seed into the ground and nurture it and you can get many with time. Plants are the ultimate form of life. They reproduce without a major sacrifice or harm to other living things. They are abused, taken for granted, stomped on, killed, and yet they keep coming back so long as the environment has enough to sustain them. Even if the mother plant dies, her seeds can continue on and start the cycle over again. It is an existence of nothing but giving. Don't you think that's wonderful?" it asked.

"It sounds nice, yes."

"Does it sound familiar?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," Leon said flatly. The Shumi crouched next to him and started digging a little hole so it could continue planting seeds while they talked.

"Well, what would you say if I told you I was envious of you and your kind?"

"Then I would say you're insane. Why would you want to live as I do? To be treated like an object instead of a life even though you're doing a job that will benefit everyone, even those who abuse you? Don't get me wrong, I like my purpose. I like what I have the potential to do. But I hate the world I'm from."

"That's exactly my point. Like a plant, you start with one. From there, you have the ability to make so many other lives over time. Millions. You're abused and mistreated but I've never heard of anyone of your kind willingly stopping before they're finished with their goal. That sort of dedication to life, in my eyes, is the ultimate existence. Even if you die, your children will have the same dedication and will move on in your stead. It is a never-ending cycle of life; a truly sinless way of living."

"Well I wouldn't say we're all sinless."

"Sin is a relative term. Humans have this uncanny ability to think their natural urges and feelings are bad in some way; envy, greed, those sorts of things. The only true sin in my eyes is harming another life. To any extent. As far as I'm aware, your kind doesn't do those things. You don't purposefully kill or harm others."

"I wouldn't agree with that either."

"Are you telling me you've gone out and took a life?"

"No but mental abuse is just as bad, if not worse than physical. I already feel terrible for taking my Charge away from his happiness and I haven't even done it yet," Leon muttered, shuffling the dirt around with his fingers.

"And if you left him here, what would his life be like, do you think?"

"I'm not sure…"

"He would most likely die. What purpose would that serve?"

"I know what can happen, but it's not a guarantee."

"Nothing is," the Shumi said, scooting further down the path to the next vacant patch of soil.

"And if I take him from here and he resents me for it, where would that leave me?"

"Do you think he's the sort of person that would resent you for taking him out of a life full of death and suffering and placing him one that emphasizes constant life and fulfillment? If that's the case then I'm not entirely sure he's the one for you."

"It all depends on how much he values the people he would leave behind."

"That is very true. Though I am of the belief that everyone is good; there is no evil, just differing perceptions of what 'good' is. I force myself to keep an open mind about every view because of that belief. If you can emphasize to him how much he would be contributing by following you, I believe he can see the benefit and let whatever grudges he holds against you slide."

"And if I can't give him what he needs to be happy in my world?"

"Then you aren't looking or trying hard enough," the Shumi said finitely.

* * *

Leon could see it coming way before it happened. He had dropped in on Cloud expecting to see him roll out of bed and was surprised to find Aerith squished in bed with him. Before that point, they had _never_ fallen asleep in the same bed after sex, and judging by the lack of clothing on them and the piles on the floor, that's exactly what had happened. He couldn't care by that stage of the game. Cloud's sex life wasn't exactly his priority now that he knew the blonde could function normally, but he couldn't help but be hopelessly amused with the scene because he knew that Nana was their alarm clock in the mornings.

As if on cue, the woman opened the door and let out a loud gasp. Aerith woke up immediately and sat up, pulling the sheet up with her and covering herself. Cloud was not as fortunate since the girl was what was mostly keeping him anchored on the mattress. Two people weren't meant to share a twin sized bed and the blonde had the misfortune of rolling out and flopping onto the floor with a heavy '_thud_.' Needless to say he was awake after that point.

"Cloud!" Nana barked, startling him. Leon burst into laughter as the blonde hurriedly flailed around with his ankles tangled in his blanket. He eventually managed to sit up and yank a pillow off the bed to cover his lap with. Both he and Aerith wore the brightest shade of pink the Carrier had ever seen. Then both stared at the floor in shame, expecting Nana to verbally tear them to pieces. The woman took a deep wheezing breath, her energy to deal with the situation quickly draining. "Aerith get dressed and come with me," she said quietly.

"Nana… I…" Cloud tried to defend.

"It's fine. You two have done nothing wrong," Nana said. Aerith scooted out of the bed and quickly pulled on her sun dress from the previous day and scooped up her other clothes. She hurried out of the room, casting a glance back at Cloud before following Nana down the hall. The blonde took a deep breath in relief and ran his fingers through his hair.

Aerith and Nana came back to the house a couple hours later. Cloud was showered and dressed by that point and was attempting to make himself breakfast. His cooking ability had improved, but only slightly. Nana didn't say anything and shuffled past him and farther into the house and back to her bed. She was frail and obviously very very sick. Aerith hugged Cloud from behind and rested her face between his shoulder blades. She had a bag dangling from her arm. It was at that point the blonde realized the coast was clear. He turned around and hugged her back.

"What did Nana do?" he asked quietly. She looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest.

"She um… she took me to the doctor and made me take a pill. Then we went to the store and…" she trailed, pulling away from him so she could stick a hand in her bag. She pulled out a box and pressed it into his chest. "She got us these," she finished. Leon nearly started crying.

_Condoms. Nana, you beautiful woman. Marry me,_ he cheered. To his knowledge, Cloud had never seen a condom in his life but the blonde seemed to know what they were so that was comforting. The Carrier only hoped he knew how to wear one properly. He also wondered if they were normal size, and if they were, would they even fit him? That would've been a strange conversation to hear; if Nana had asked Aerith how big Cloud was.

"Oh. Well that's awkward," the blonde muttered and reached behind himself and set the box on the countertop. Aerith giggled.

"A little. That was the only bad part about it. I'm really glad she didn't get mad."

"Yeah. With how she yelled at me it made me feel like I had purposefully tricked you into something bad."

"No…" the girl said, hugging him again.

"Did she tell you what the pill was for?"

"Just to make sure I don't get pregnant," Aerith said quietly.

"I didn't know they made pills for that," Cloud said curiously, scrunching his brows together. Aerith shrugged.

"Nana says she can't afford to take care of children that the government doesn't know she has. Whatever that means. So… I guess we have to be more careful."

"I'm okay with that," the blonde agreed and rubbed her back.

"Yeah."

* * *

Nana's health was deteriorating quickly. In less than a year she was confined to her bed for the majority of her time. She hardly ate, she rarely slept more than a few hours at a time, and she vomited at least twice a day. Cloud and Aerith's relationship strengthened during that time, as they had to depend on one another to keep the house in order, but their physical activities together slowed considerably. Every now and again they would have sex but most of the time their contact was that of comfort. Hugging, cuddling, a quick smooch and hand holding was a constant. It eventually got to the point where they were around each other so much that they hardly talked. They could have entire wordless conversations by just looking at one another.

Aside from their relationship status and Nana's health, the only new development in the house was Aerith's education. It was slow goings in the beginning but once she got the hang of it, she was able to read with relative ease and do the basic math Nana used to balance the house's finances. There weren't that many books in the house, but what few novels there were, she would read to Cloud. The blonde would listen with a small smile and his eyes ghosting between envy and pride. Leon didn't understand why Nana didn't just teach Cloud while she was teaching Aerith. The ability to read may have been a push in the right direction to keep the blonde out of the battlefield. A desk job sounded a lot better than killing people.

The Carrier would never figure it out, either. Two weeks before Cloud's sixteenth birthday Nana passed away. Leon was sure she had cancer. All of her symptoms pointed towards that conclusion, but an explanation didn't make him feel any better. Aerith fell apart when she found the woman. Cloud was left to pick up the pieces. One of the men the blonde had done work for was a lawyer of some sort. All Leon knew was that he worked in the town hall and handled a lot of paperwork. He ended up taking care of what needed to happen with Nana and arranging the legal things Cloud and Aerith would need if they wanted to stay in the house.

According to the lawyer, Nana's legal occupation was as an agent for the government. Babies born in the capital were documented when they were born and removed from the city in order to keep the focus on population control. They were taken to foster facilities to be raised and kept under watch so that the government could come back in sixteen years or so and pick up their soldiers or take the girls back to the capitol to start the process all over again. But only babies born in the capitol were submitted to such treatment. That was why there were children in Nibelheim; because they were allowed to stay there. As far as Leon could figure, there was still a draft, so soldiers were still taken from the outlying cities but no one was documented there so what the government found was what they got.

Aerith's role in all of that was to take over Nana's position. She would be given immunity even though she was born in the capitol and wouldn't have to leave Nibelheim unless she forfeited her job. The government would pay her for the children she kept but it was up to her to keep in contact with them to keep the money coming in. Nana's sudden decline in health was part of the reason no new children had been brought in since Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge were taken as she probably didn't feel well enough to chase after infants and toddlers. Aerith couldn't receive money on herself, but she could still collect on Cloud since he technically wasn't an adult. Leon _really_ didn't want to think of the technicalities behind that one. With Nana gone and Aerith taking over and collecting money on the blonde, it was like she was suddenly Cloud's mother. Of course, they didn't see it that way. Which was fine.

Nana, like most of Nibelheim's citizens, was buried in a small cemetery in the mountain's foothills. It was a small service consisting of Nana's few friends and Cloud and Aerith. Afterwards, the couple went home to a silent and suddenly enormous house and grieved together. There were a lot of tears, all from the girl. The lack of emotion from Cloud was unsettling. He didn't cry, he didn't frown, and he hardly even said anything. He was receptive to Aerith though and let her have whatever part of him she wanted to cry on.

Cloud's sixteenth birthday was a few days later. They didn't bother celebrating anything until a couple weeks after that though. Leon was insanely busy trying to get ready to leave so he couldn't pay attention as much as he would have liked, but he didn't feel he was missing much. There were periods of residual sadness followed by periods of happiness and romance. Nothing new and exciting was happening in his opinion, but he did keep an ear open for any phone calls Aerith was sure to receive. It was only a matter of time before the government came to claim his Charge. Calls to Reno were frequent as Leon needed help managing his anxiety.

"Got your money?" the redhead questioned.

"Yes," Leon responded.

"Toothbrush, hair brush, clothes, soap and junk?"

"Yes."

"Change code?"

"Always."

"Extra cameras?"

"Yes."

"Paperwork?"

"Yes."

"Do you even know what to do with your paperwork?" Reno asked.

"No idea. But, I'm sure I can figure it out when I get there. They'll probably ask for something specific and I can just hand it over. It's their problem at that point."

"Very true," the redhead agreed.

"I have citizenship for Balamb and some place called Esthar, and then I have some other papers about the school."

"Esthar? Really?"

"Where is that?" Leon asked.

"Well let me ask you this, how old does your paperwork say you are?"

"Well, right now I guess I'm technically sixteen but by the time I get there, I'll be seventeen."

"…That sounds really weird to me," Reno grunted.

"I know, right? But why does it matter?"

"Because Esthar has been neutral in the war since… forever as far as I can tell. But there's been a recent influx of emigrants from there recently. You'll have to come up with a story as to why you left. They're way into Balamb's territory so they've been safe for a long time but supposedly they're locked up pretty tight."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They're a really technology-forward country. They're the most advanced in the world, or so I hear. I'm talking like… our level of technology and beyond. They have a lot of secrets that their government doesn't let anyone know about. I'm surprised the Technicians would think it's a good idea to make it sound like you're involved with them simply because… well, why would anyone leave?"

"I don't know. Maybe if I slip up and say something that's way over people's heads they'll just chock it up to me being the weird kid from the fancy city across the pond," Leon said.

"That's a good point."

"How did you even figure all this out?"

"Went to the library," Reno said simply. "I have a pile of books that almost touches my ceiling. It's awesome."

"Midgar has a library?"

"Yeah, but you have to pay to get in. And since hardly anyone has a job in this city…"

"Only the educated and employed people get to go in."

"Exactly."

"It's not like anyone can read, anyway," Leon muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah. They don't know what they're missing," Reno agreed. "Unfortunately this country is still a bunch of bigoted dicks so all the information I could find on Balamb was all negative propaganda."

"Of course."

"Anyway, it can't be any worse than here."

"Not enjoying the loose women anymore?"

"Eh, I get it when I need it, but it's not my main priority."

"That's comforting to hear."

"You have so little faith in me, you know that?"

"I have faith in your ability and determination to do what's important, but anything beyond that, I just don't understand."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't feel guilty?"

"For getting laid?" Reno asked, the confusion evident in his voice.

"Well… yeah. I thought you loved Rude and were ready to be committed to him."

"I do, and I am. But he's not exactly waiting for me just yet so why should I do the same? If I wasn't a Carrier, and I happened to meet him like any normal person would, why would I feel guilty for all the relationships I've had before? Just because I know he exists before he knows I exist doesn't mean anything until we meet and make a connection. If he gets angry at me for not saving myself for him then we're going to have to somehow get past that, but I don't see that happening."

"Still…"

"_What_ is your problem? You're so weird about relationships and personal stuff," Reno grumped, sounding offended. Leon pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them.

"I'm… not sure."

"You have so much judgment to pass on me, and you tell me about it so often it makes me feel like you're just deflecting things away from yourself."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I just want you to stop getting angry at me for talking about what I do and how I handle my life."

"I'm sorry," Leon said flatly. He let out a tiny sigh.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah," he lied. He didn't know what his problem was. He just felt… down.

"You don't sound like it."

"I'm fine."

"I don't believe you."

"Then… I'm sorry?"

"You're really going to be like this?" Reno asked with a sigh.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Leon said. Another lie. The redhead let out an exasperated huff.

"Fine. Fine. Whatever you say. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. Early."

"Excited?"

"Scared out of my mind," Leon grumbled.

"Aw. That's sort of cute."

"Shut up."

"But you'll be able to go out and do stuff. And like… be _normal_."

"I suppose," Leon said. Reno sighed again.

"I really wish I could see you so I can gauge what you're actually feeling. And give you hugs."

"I'm okay, Reno. Seriously."

"If you say so…"

* * *

Leon's nervousness hadn't dissipated by the next day. Quite the contrary, he felt sick. He lay in his bed and watched Cloud be boring for a couple hours just to see if he could calm down. It didn't help much. In fact, he was so distracted with his anxiety that he got sloppy with his camera maneuvering. The blonde actually found the bug and picked it up. He gave it a disgruntled look before taking it outside and flicking it a few feet away. It landed in the dirt and Leon was able to scoot back inside and resume where he had left off. He was happy his Charge didn't crush him.

Regardless, it was only a matter of time before he had to focus. He was packed and the bags were out in the living area waiting for him to get cleaned up and presentable for the day. When he went to recheck his supplies, he noticed a package on the couch that he didn't recognize. Curious, he opened it and found it was clothing. Thick clothing. He was suddenly reminded he was going out into the snow again and was immediately thankful the Shumi people had the foresight to help him not be stupid. Granted they had only given him a jacket and pants, but it was more than what he thought up. He ducked into his room to change.

Having worn such loose fitting clothes for so long, Leon was a little surprised by how snug the pants felt. His legs actually had a discernable shape to them instead of looking like amorphous swaths of colorful fabric. They felt sort of like leather, but he doubted they actually were. The jacket was though; the neck of which was lined with a fluffy mantle of feathers. It wasn't nearly long enough for his tastes but he couldn't deny that it was warm even if half his trunk was only covered by his t-shirt. He found a pair of leather gloves in the pocket; the insides of which were incredibly soft. The boots he had worn so many years prior to follow the Bead Maker to the hot spring had since landed in his armoire and collected dust. They were one of the few things that were recovered with him during the incident. He took them to the bathroom to wash the dust off and slid them on afterward. He went back to his room and looked himself over in his mirror.

_That's a lot of black_… he thought, twisting around and looking at himself. Then again, black absorbed sunlight. What little there was outside during the blizzard would be to his benefit if his clothing could drag in its warmth. During his inspection, he remembered his teeth weren't exactly normal; canines a little too long, too pointy. He didn't know how he would explain them to anyone who asked. The same applied to his scars. God forbid anyone saw him without a shirt on. He couldn't begin to come up with a reason for them that didn't hurt to think about.

He stopped himself before he could drag his self esteem through the mud anymore. He took another quick look through of his room before taking his computer and tucking it under his arm. He headed out into the living area again and to his luggage. There wasn't much. Bare essentials crammed into two relatively small suitcases were all he needed. He would worry about excess clothing once he was able to get to a store. For now, a couple day's worth was more than enough. After rechecking his things for what felt like the millionth time, he milled around the inn cleaning up whatever he could find that he felt would inconvenience the Shumi people. It was almost an hour after that that his guide showed up to retrieve him. The guide was the same one that had welcomed him and Reno into the village so long ago.

"Ready?" it asked kindly with a smile. Leon took a deep breath and nodded.

"As much as I can be I think," he said.

And with that, they left. They headed through the village, passing by many people who wished him luck and called their goodbyes behind him. All was normal, if a little nerve wracking. The elevator ride to the surface was quiet. When they reached the top, Leon was surprised to find three giant birds with saddles and harnesses' calmly wandering around the dome like it was commonplace. The guide took his bags without prompting and fastened them to one of the birds. Leon was more fascinated by the beasts themselves. They were bright yellow, taller than he was, and looked to be a cross between a giant chicken and a parrot.

"Chocobos," he blurted when the name came to him. _But they look like something I can eat_, he told himself, remembering Zack's instruction against it. The guide smiled.

"Yes. Very good. One is for carrying your things, one is for me, and one is for you. This one specifically," it said, taking the lead of one of the birds and pulled it towards him. The animal cocked its head and stared at him with one massive glassy eye. Leon stared back at it with a raised brow. The Shumi handed him the lead.

"Uh, okay," the Carried said dumbly.

"Unless of course you'd rather walk through the snow yourself."

"No thanks. I'm fine," he said quickly. The guide chuckled.

"Anyway. This is Binky. You two will be companions all the way to your destination."

"…Binky."

"Yes."

"_Fantastic_," Leon sighed. He just couldn't escape the names. At the very least the chocobo was a domesticated animal so it had an excuse to have a doofy name. It was socially acceptable. But it didn't exactly make him feel like the manliest being around. "Can it learn a different name?" he asked blandly.

"Retraining what is already trained is rather difficult. So… I won't say it's impossible but it wouldn't be worth the effort."

"Right," Leon sighed again. Binky turned the other cheek and twittered at him, making a sound like a mix between a quail and a dove coo. He gave it a lopsided half-assed smirk and reached forward to touch its neck. Its feathers were extremely soft and flexible which surprised him. The Shumi gave him a tiny smile and went to its own bird. It clucked its tongue quickly a couple times and the animal lowered itself to the floor. It lifted its wings outward so the Shumi could sit on the saddle comfortably. The guide then clucked its tongue again and the bird stood, folding its wings back over the Shumi's legs. Leon watched and tried to imitate. He managed to get on the chocobo but staying steady on it once it stood was another story.

"You need to hold still if you want to get anywhere," the guide said. Leon scowled, teetering on his saddle a bit.

"I'm attempting to," he grunted. "I've never actually done this before."

After a few minutes, he steadied enough for them to get going. There wasn't a complicated science to riding the bird, as he quickly found out. Pull right to go right, pull left to go left, pull back to stop, and kick a little to go. The chocobo that carried his things was tethered to Binky and the three of them meandered outside and into the cold. Surprisingly, it wasn't as windy as Leon had anticipated. That didn't change the fact that it was below freezing out, but the lack of a wind chill was certainly a blessing. His guide was dressed for the weather and didn't seem bothered. The Carrier's face was a little cold but his new clothing was proving to be an adequate deterrent to the biting temperature.

According to the guide, they would be at their destination in a few hours if they kept up a steady pace. Trabia was the closest city even though it was technically on an entirely separate land mass. The island the Shumi Village was on was actually fairly large, but the village's proximity to the shoreline made travel much less complicated. They were also part of a major ice cap and the small gap between the Shumi's island and Trabia's island was one solid block of ice they could conveniently walk across.

Leon was a little paranoid. He kept a leery eye out for any horrendous beasts that could rush out from nowhere and chew him into pulp. His guide didn't seem to care about any potential danger. The Carrier couldn't understand why, though. There were lots of rocks and hills of snow for things to hide behind, but though his anxiety was justified he was fully aware that he was overreacting. It also didn't help that looking around for anything and everything that moved tended to make the minutes drag on for decades. Regardless, after hours of walking, they made it to Trabia without incident. The guide hesitated outside the city's gates.

"This is where we will part ways," it said calmly. It stuck a hand in its pocket and retrieved a folded piece of paper and handed it off to Leon.

"You're not coming with me?" the Carrier asked nervously. The Shumi shook its head.

"I am not permitted to mingle with the rest of the world. I work too closely with the Elder and there are more dangers in the human world than there are in nature. If something was to happen to me, it would compromise the Elder's stability. We have people who are versed in human ways enough for commerce to happen, but they are few. I wish you luck. Remember what we have taught you, and you will be fine," it said. Leon nodded deftly.

_What exactly did you teach me, again?_ He wondered. The guide took its leave, and the Carrier watched it go until he couldn't see it anymore. Once he was alone, his anxiety with nature dissipated and was replaced by a sudden and severe social anxiety. He had never interacted with normal non-Carrier related people before. He unfolded the paper the guide had given him, with the hope that it was filled with words of encouragement or something that could make him feel less like a child. But it didn't. It was a list of ports that he would need to find to meander his way from Trabia to Balamb with an annotation at the bottom that told him he would need to figure out the boating schedules himself. It was only a mild comfort that he had a vague idea of where he was going.

It was dusk, almost completely dark, but Leon could see that Trabia was a lot like Nibelheim. It was small, rural, and technologically stunted as far as he could tell. The lighting in the cobbled streets was sparse and soft. It was quiet. There were very few people milling around in the streets as he, Binky, and his nameless pack-chocobo meandered around, trying to find a point of reference. It wasn't long before he found a building that looked like an inn with a stable next to it where there were two other chocobos standing around. It was right inside the gate, even.

He didn't know what else to do, so he hoped it was alright if he just tied the birds into one of the stalls and headed inside. It was a very small inn; maybe three rooms. It was all wood with homey decorations, drafty windows, and creaky floors. The entryway dumped out directly in front of the check-in desk where there was no one to greet him. But there was a bell and he rang it. A door to his right popped open and an elderly man shuffled out to see him. He stood behind the counter and gave him a wrinkly smile.

"Judging by the look on your face, you are one _very_ lost young man," he chuckled. Leon gave him a weary smile.

"You could say that," he said. The man nodded and stooped to dig behind his counter. He retrieved a book and plopped it on the surface and flipped to a page with the next available line for Leon to sign in. The Carrier was alright with the '_Squall_' part of his pseudonym but he hesitated as he tried to remember what the hell his last name was supposed to be. He got it after a few seconds, cursing himself for being so forgetful. Once he was signed in, the man took his book back.

"Fifty a night, ten for each chocobo you have."

"…Oh. Right. Um… One second," the Carrier blurted awkwardly and hurried his way back out into the cold for his bags. He dragged them inside and shuffled through the pockets to find the pouch of coins the Shumi people had given him. He then realized he hadn't even looked at the money before, let alone did he know what their values were. He hesitated and gave the man behind the counter a nervous glance as he stupidly picked through then, trying to figure it out.

"You're not from around here, are you?" the man asked curiously.

"Not even close," Leon said.

"Midgar?"

"Esthar."

"Ah, yeah, that would explain a few things," the man chuckled. "What are you doing all the way up here?"

"That's a very good question," Leon said. The man laughed.

"Fair enough." He rounded the counter and shuffled to the Carrier's side and pulled Leon's hands down so he could see inside the pouch. He stuck a hand in it and pulled out a couple coins and showed them to the Carrier. One was a fifty piece and the other was a twenty piece. He pocketed them after Leon nodded his understanding. He then shuffled back behind the counter and retrieved a key and set it out for him. "You're upstairs, the last door on the right. I'll feed your birds in the morning for you."

"Thank you," Leon said, tucking his pouch into his bag. The man gave him a warm smile before padding back to the door he had appeared from.

"Sleep well," he said before disappearing again. Leon heaved a heavy sigh when he was alone again. He took his key and went upstairs to his room. It was furnished with the bare essentials. A plain bed, a couple lamps and tables, and a dresser. He had a bathroom though. He set his bags aside and went to the bed and sat to take off his shoes. Afterwards, he flopped backwards and stared at the ceiling, trying to process how he was going to handle his journey.

He felt utterly unprepared, despite having all the material things he needed. His confidence level was in a ditch and his anxiety was making his rationality hard to keep intact. That, and now he really was alone. No more Shumi to socialize with. He could technically still call Reno, but a conversation wasn't the same if it wasn't face-to-face. He hated it and considered seeing if he could find someone to travel with him for a while. But the fear of making deep friendships that he would have to break when he left kept him from making a serious plan. His cyclical mentality of self-pity was debilitating, even though he was completely aware of how childish he was being. He sighed, rolling onto his side and pulling his legs onto the bed with him. He pulled a pillow to himself and hugged it tightly.

_If only this was someone I could talk to_, he thought, burying his face in the cottony fluff.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 22

"Um…Cloud? What are you doing?"

"Taking a shower."

"No… _I'm_ taking a shower."

"Right. We're taking a shower," the blonde said cheekily and flung the shower curtain out of the way and deposited himself in the tiny stall with Aerith. The girl let out a squeal and started laughing, forcing Leon to sigh, roll his eyes, and move his camera out of the bathroom and back into the hall. He was just about fed up with the pair's random spurts of sex and general nudity. He had seen enough of Cloud to last him a lifetime and more than he ever wanted to see of Aerith. He stopped the feed and closed his computer.

The inn's bathroom had an oversized claw foot tub that had been begging to be soaked in. After waking up and realizing there was a blizzard outside, Leon decided to take the tub up on its offer and had spent the better part of the morning up to his chin in warm water. Aside from being hungry, the experience was relaxing. The toilet (seat closed of course) served as a good table to set his computer on, but Cloud had already proved to be predictable and boring so watching was a moot point. Once his bath water ran cold and his skin resembled raisins, he wandered back into his bedroom and flopped back into his bed. There was a knock on his door shortly thereafter. He scrambled around for a few minutes trying to find his pants and shirt before fumbling to the door. It was the elderly innkeeper. He wore a wrinkly placid smile.

"Nice weather today isn't it?" he asked. Leon blinked and raised a brow. He looked behind himself back into the room and out its solitary window. The view was nothing but white.

"If you say so?" he said questioningly. The man laughed.

"I was joking. You'll probably be here for another night, but since you can't avoid it I won't charge you."

"Oh. Thank you," Leon said and gave him a small smile.

"Also, the missus wants you to come down for dinner. You probably haven't had anything to eat, have you?"

"No. I haven't," the Carrier said. The old man waved at him to follow and padded down the hallway. Leon closed his door behind him and they headed down into the innkeeper's living quarters. They weren't all that big, as he expected, but the sheer amount of clutter stuffed into every nook and cranny was astounding. Mementos, pictures, knick knacks, books, everything anyone could think of was placed precariously on wall after wall of built-in shelving units. There was a tiny television in front of the equally as small seating area but aside from that and a lamp, there wasn't much furniture in the main living area. That room bled into the equally as cluttered and homey dining area which was next to the open kitchen. There were two doors on the far wall, of which Leon assumed was a bathroom and possibly a bedroom. There was a woman in the kitchen that was just as old and wrinkly as the man. But at the woman's feet was the most important detail of the entire house.

There was a cat; a recognizable, domesticated, tawny tabby cat. It was young, possibly even still a kitten, and Leon's innards seized as soon as he noticed it. He had the insatiable urge to tackle it into the ground, smoosh his face into its fur, and snuggle it into oblivion. He didn't, but the desire to do so nagged him. He was aware of cats as pets; he just never thought he would find one, let alone one on Plane 087. He had always thought the frogs in the Shumi village and the mildly recognizable fish in the streams were flukes and that the normalcy stopped there. He was happy he was wrong. He hadn't noticed his tenseness before that moment, but he felt relieved by the revelation.

Dinner didn't consist of Leon's normal dietary fare. It was mostly vegetables with a tiny puck of some indiscernible meat. None of it tasted bad, but he was dreading the digestive upset all the foliage was sure to give him. Any personal talk that was directed at him during the meal was deflected. He still hadn't figured out what his story was going to be, why he left Esthar supposedly, or what his past was like. The innkeeper and his wife were more than accommodating and didn't pester him for answers to their probing questions. After the meal, he helped the woman clean up and took his leave after heaving his thanks on them. It was a nice distraction from the humdrum day and waiting for the weather to pass. He didn't really want to leave but his stomach was bothering him.

He spent the next hour alternating between the toilet and his bed. He was drained by the time he felt better and the snow had slowed. He slept for a while after that. He was awoken by something picking at the veneer on his door. Half asleep and feeling like he had been hit by a bus, he flopped out of bed and trudged to the door. He opened it and no one was there. He felt something breeze past his ankle and looked down. Nothing was there. He then looked behind himself and there was the innkeeper's cat sitting on his bed expectantly. He left the door unlatched and went to lie back down.

The cat was in his face in an instant, purring and meowing at him for attention. It was dark outside, and Leon knew he should be sleeping, but the animal apparently didn't think so. He couldn't help but oblige it and scratch behind its ear a little. From that point on, it was all downhill. Petting led to playfully pushing it around and letting it whack at his hands. Playing lead back to petting, which led to picking it up and cuddling, which led to lying back down and the cat curling up on his chest to sleep. He didn't understand why the cat was suddenly so attached to him, but he didn't want to jinx himself and make it leave. He hoped his future cubs would be like the cat was; loving him simply because he was himself and he was there. Unconditional love sounded nice in any context, really.

* * *

Trabia was a nice place to visit, but Leon _really_ didn't want to live there. The next day's weather was much better and he was happy to find that there was a ferry leaving from the port that afternoon that would take him to the next one he needed to go to. At the docks, he picked up just about every pamphlet he could find that looked remotely helpful. Sifting through all the information took a while, but he found a generalized idea of where he was going after a bit of searching. Maps with actual words and locations were wonderful things.

After finding himself something he could actually eat, saying goodbye to the innkeeper and his wife and their cuddly kitty, packing his things, and tugging Binky and his pack-chocobo with him to the docks, he was finally able to board. The city itself wasn't that big of a place so the boat was fairly empty save for a few people. There was only one other person with a lot of luggage and two chocobos with her, though. He noticed her when he went into the on board pseudo-stable area to tether his birds in place. She was sort of hard to miss even though she was hardly over five feet tall, as she was humming loudly to herself. Leon tried to ignore her and go about his business but she decided to make acquaintances before he could leave.

"Hi!" she squeaked at him, startling him some with the decibels. He was forced to turn around and face her. Her hair was fascinating, cascading down her head flatly before the ends swooped upward into enormous bowl-shaped curls. It was like her entire head was a miniature walnut-colored ski jump. The physics behind it confused him to no end and he wondered how many tubs of hair gel she must go through on a weekly basis to get it to stay that way. She was dressed for the weather, but just barely. It was clear she had on a short yellow sundress under her puffy coat but her legs were bare between the dress's bottom hem and the tops of her tall brown boots. She was all smiles as she hurried to him and invaded his personal space, standing on tiptoes and shoving her face in his with a wide grin.

"Hi," Leon said flatly, leaning away from her.

"Which way are you headed, stranger? It's not often I see anyone leave here with so much luggage," she asked.

"Balamb," he deadpanned, hoping to end the conversation quickly. The girl's jade eyes lit up and she gasped.

"Me too! I'm heading off to go to school there!"

"So am I."

"No way! Balamb Garden?"

"…Yes," he said hesitantly, silently regretting the decision to do so.

"Oh my gosh! You're kidding!" she squealed. She quickly stuck out her hand for a shake. "My name's Selphie. What's yours?" she asked. Leon stared at her for a second, wondering if she was going to explode in a torrent of glitter and sprinkles. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted anything to do with the girl. She was already proving to be overbearing and distracting. But in an effort to not be rude, he shook her hand.

"Squall," he said begrudgingly. Selphie gave him a beaming smile.

"Awesome. Where are you from? Trabia's awful small so I don't recognize you."

"Esthar."

"Sweet!" Selphie squealed happily. Leon startled and took a step back.

_This girl is on something_, he told himself. Selphie still had a hold of his hand and she shook his arm excitedly.

"You have to tell me about it! I've always wanted to go there," she demanded. Leon scowled and pried his fingers from her hand.

"I would rather not," he muttered.

"Oh? Why not?" she asked, the disappointment in her voice blatant.

"I just… don't. Please drop it," he said, hoping to give her the impression it was some personal tragedy that forced him to leave home. He'd hammer out the details when he could hear himself think again. She frowned.

"Okay. Maybe later?" she asked. Leon shrugged.

"Maybe," he said.

"Fair enough. Have you decided on a specialty?"

"Uh… no. I wasn't aware I needed to."

"You don't, but it helps if you have an idea of what you want to do. You can try that out right away and if you like it, you can get started faster. Though a physical assessment is usually the best way of deciding just so you know what you can handle," she explained.

"Oh."

"Don't be nervous," she said. Leon raised a brow.

"I wasn't aware I was."

"You look lost."

"Nervous and confused are two different things."

"I suppose. But they go hand in hand. It'll be okay though. You have me!" she blurted with a smile.

"Goody," Leon deadpanned. Selphie's smile faltered a bit before she gave a nervous giggle and took his arm again and pulled him out of the stable and onto the deck. The Carrier didn't wrench away from her, though he didn't necessarily want to go out there. The stable was much warmer, even if it was musty with bird dander.

Selphie pulled him over to another tiny building so they could sit and chat. And by 'chat' it was implied that Leon was relatively silent as the girl jabbered on about herself and her story. There wasn't much to say overall, and the details were muddled between inside jokes she had between her and her friends that the Carrier would never understand. From what he could gather, though, Selphie's parents were killed in another city when Midgar invaded and she was sent to live with relatives in Trabia. Trabia used to have a Garden of its own before the city's economy was squeezed to a trickle because Balamb had to cut their foreign financial assistance in order to keep itself afloat. The two nations were still close allies though, and as a result of Balamb withdrawing its funding, all of Trabia's students wanting to attend the Garden get to go to Balamb's for free as a sort of proverbial olive branch between them. Most of the students from Trabia went into the war on Balamb's side anyway, so the only thing that really changed was the proximity of the education.

Balamb understood the importance of having educated people behind its forces. The people had options once they were finished with their primary education and had graduated. One could go to college for a societal specialty, or one could go to a Garden to work for the military. The only other option other than that was to sit and do nothing, but people who went without a job or education in Balamb didn't get government assistance. Period. There was always something someone could be doing unless they were in a coma, and the government didn't have the tolerance for laziness. However, they made it insanely easy to get an education and find a job. Funding was high for schools and there were zillions of agencies around for employment. A lot of people ended up working for the government in some shape or form anyway simply because it was the biggest employer and offered the best benefits.

Selphie was proving to be a sufficient font of information despite her annoying exterior. She had something to say about everything and even though she was excitable about all of it, she didn't sound ignorant. It was obvious she already had a certain amount of education and knew what she was talking about. It made Leon feel better about going to a new place. At the very least, the people there wouldn't make him feel like he was a godly genius amongst simpletons. He looked forward to finding normal people to hold a normal conversation with. He also hoped they were just as forgiving about prying into his make-believe past. So far, all the questions about him were dropped once he refused to answer them and the lack of nosiness was comforting. He wanted to keep any lies to a minimum so he didn't have to keep track of them all.

The boat ride was peaceful enough despite Selphie's incessant talking. She took some breaks to go stand outside at the side rails to watch the water go by, giving Leon a moment to breathe. It was going to be a long ride to the port. Balamb, the capitol city that is, was where they were going. It was on its own island in the middle of the country with nothing but the city itself and its adjoining Garden making up its civilization. Both places were enormous supposedly, but the countryside between them and the nature were just as expansive. The Garden was the country's largest military base, and from there, they supplied the rest of their bases with all of their firepower. Hardly anything pertaining to their forces came from outside that island. Leon wondered if anyone knew about nuclear warheads and how easy it would be to end the war if one was dropped on the landmass; to Midgar's advantage, no less.

By the time they actually reached the city, Leon was done with boats. His stomach was bothering him, he was extremely tired, and he was most likely going to have to face a certain amount of jetlag from the travel. It was almost three in the morning by the time they docked. He and Selphie had to practically kick their chocobos in the face to get them to wake up and stand. The girl had much more luggage than he did, and her pack-bird didn't seem nearly as relaxed as his was. Leon felt bad for it. They disembarked and hustled into the city. It was quiet with hardly a soul in the streets. There were a lot of cars, which was surprising, and it was noticeably warmer. He was thankful for both things but couldn't focus on it because his brain wanted nothing more than to drop dead.

"Aren't we going right to the school?" Selphie asked when she noticed the Carrier trudging towards a hotel.

"Hell no. I'm going to bed. Do it in the morning," he grumped, tying his birds to a little shelter he assumed was for them. It had feed boxes with remnants of the grasses they ate littering the insides. He took his bags inside. Selphie ran to catch up with him, mimicking his behavior. Leon rang the service bell impatiently, glaring down at the stone countertop.

"Are they even taking guests at this hour?"

"They're going to, unless they want me to break doors in half so I can have a bed."

"Grumpy."

"Very."

"Do you snore?" Selphie asked. Leon looked at her with a disgruntled expression. She was flipping through a large book that advertised the hotel's services.

"I have no idea, why is that relevant?"

"Because they only have rooms with two or more beds."

"So?"

"Well it wouldn't be very economical for the extra bed to go to waste."

"My luggage can sleep in it."

"…That wasn't my point," Selphie said.

"I know, but you're not sharing a room with me."

"Why not?"

"Because I've known you less than a day and it's wholly inappropriate. For all I know you could steal my money and for all you know I could be a rapist," Leon spat. Selphie sheepishly turned her eyes back to the book.

"Okay, fine. I was just offering to help pay for it. Five hundred Gil a night is a little steep."

"Eugh, really? That much?" Leon sighed. Five hundred of anything sounded excessive. Except kittens. He could deal with a pile of five hundred kittens. The door behind the counter opened and a tired clerk came out to greet them.

"One room?" she asked. Selphie glanced at Leon.

"Yeah," she said. The Carrier scowled.

"Now wait a mi—"

"Don't worry about it. I can't afford to stay here."

"But you said—"

"I could if we split the cost. Seriously though, it's cool. I get it. Don't worry about it," she said, giving him a wide smile. "I'll just find somewhere else or head out to the school right away," she added, stooping to pull her luggage behind her and out the front door. Leon stewed in the abrupt guilt for a half a second before he reached out and grabbed her bicep. She gasped loudly and turned to him suddenly, face twisted in pain. "Ow! Let go!" she squeaked. He released her immediately.

"Sorry! Sorry. Didn't mean to grab that hard," he muttered quickly. His fatigue was making it hard to remember everything he needed to keep in check. She furrowed her brows and gave him a skeptical once over.

"That seriously made me reconsider your rapist proposition," she grumbled. He sighed.

"I honestly didn't mean to. I just… we can share a room if it keeps you from wandering around out there by yourself."

"You sure?" she asked.

"Yeah…" he trailed. She squealed and dropped her bags and threw herself at him, hugging him around his neck tightly. He startled and kept his hands off her, really unsure how to react. She stepped back after a few seconds.

"Thank you! You're such a gentleman."

"You're welcome?" he blurted. He looked behind himself at the clerk, who looked even more bored and tired than she had been two minutes before.

"One room, then?" she asked impatiently. Leon nodded and went to sign them in. They picked through their funds and paid for the room and their chocobos. They were given keys and they headed upstairs. The room was a lot nicer than the one Leon had in Trabia, but the beds were smaller. It didn't matter; there was enough room for the both of them. Selphie immediately plopped her luggage down and holed herself up in the bathroom. Leon took the opportunity to change into a pair of his loose fitting pants he took from the Shumi village. Ideally, he would've liked to have foregone the restrictive fabric all together, but even if he was that bold, he still didn't want to show his scars. No doubt Selphie would ask questions. By the time she emerged from the bathroom dressed in her pajamas, the Carrier had already buried himself in his bed and was drifting off.

Unbeknownst to Leon, Selphie already felt he wasn't completely normal. She had a deep purple bruise on her arm where he had grabbed her, and she was fully aware of his teeth. She was good at hiding things that bothered her, putting on a brave and happy front for everyone else's sake, but she was genuinely leery of him. She climbed into bed but faced him for almost an hour to make sure he was actually asleep before letting herself drift off, just in case he really was as dangerous as she felt he was.

* * *

Balamb Garden was massive. The architecture was mystifying by itself, never mind the bevy of weird shiny things Leon though would slice him to pieces if he touched them. The outside of the main building looked like a series of metallic aqua inner tubes stacked on top of one another to form a cone. There was additional metal working on the outside in varying hues of red, blue, and gold that made ornate angular symbols and designs. Leon wondered if they had any meaning other than looking nice, but he doubted it. Wide expanses of windows broke up the solid chunks of metal, some going to the extreme of creating a ring around entire sections.

There were so many pieces of flowing metal that Leon could hardly get a gist of the inner layout. All of it seemed like it had a function and they were certainly big enough to house people to some degree but their shapes were totally impractical. The whole place confused him. It seemed so normal on the outside when they were making their way down the nicely paved walkway but then all of a sudden they were assaulted by alien building types and Leon was lost. What he did like was the overabundance of plants. Trees, flowers, vines, and lush groundcover was everywhere. That, and there were a lot of people. The atmosphere was light and friendly. Everything was bright; including the smiles he could see. It was a steep contrast to Midgar. Complete opposites.

"I'm going to get so-_oooo_ lost," Selphie whined, drooping in her saddle some. Leon patted her shoulder. The other students noticed them quickly and they got a few curious looks as they passed. Just inside the campus grounds' entrance was a garage where several vehicles could be seen, but next to that was a large field with a stable. There were way more chocobos milling around in the grass than there were cars in immediate eyesight. The pair decided that their first stop was over there and they meandered to where the stable worker was and dismounted.

"New recruits?" the young man asked.

"Yep!" Selphie piped enthusiastically. The stable hand smiled.

"I need your guy's information so I can register your birds to you and keep track of them," he said. They followed him over to a tiny building that was obviously his little outpost and he took up a clip board with a pen. They each took turns filling out the forms. Selphie was able to fill all her boxes and lines with information. Leon, on the other hand, couldn't.

"I… uh… don't really know what to put for half of this," he admitted. The stable hand raised a brow and went to go look at his form.

"Do you not know your home address?"

"I don't have one," the Carrier said. Selphie gave him a strange look. The stable hand seemed to not be bothered by the statement in the least.

"Just fill out as much as you can," he said. Leon handed the clip board back, having put down as much as he could already. The awkwardness and anxiety was settling in again and he just wanted to get somewhere where he could relax and be comfortable with himself. So far, he felt like an outcast.

After they were finished, the stable hand took Binky and the other birds into the field and let them roam. Their luggage was loaded onto a cart for them to tug around and they were given a few pamphlets and papers they could use to point them in the right direction. Apparently they had come in the middle of the spring recruitment week. Leon had no idea he was timing it like he had but Selphie's departure from Trabia suddenly made more sense. There were several groups of students wandering around looking for people not in their uniforms, new people who needed guidance. It was from one of them that Leon and Selphie heard that they needed to see the housing committee.

The inside of the main building was not only extremely lavish, but its layout was more practical than what Leon thought it would be. Everything divulged in the middle where there was a series of elevators, but from that inner ring, the rest of the school branched out. Each direction led somewhere specific, like a starburst of sandy marble walkways. Fountains and pools of water took up the spaces that weren't needed in between the various wings, ensuring that there were no distractions that would keep the students in the halls instead of where they needed to be. The dormitory, with its adjoining housing committee, was down the northern walkway leading into the north wing.

By the time they had meandered down the lengthy path, Selphie was exhausted. Leon was fine, but he did agree that the amount of walking they had to do was a bit much. It took them almost twenty minutes from the front directory. There were several tables lined up with older students manning computers and taking the newer student's information down. Or at least that's what Leon thought they were doing. When it got to be his turn, he quickly found out that they were actually searching for students and their predetermined dorm assignments. However, Leon wasn't even enrolled in the school, let alone in their computers. It was a small detail he had completely forgotten about, but at the same time, he didn't even know how he was supposed to go about doing it.

"You'll have to head upstairs to speak with the Headmaster," the girl behind the computer said. Leon nodded and headed back out towards the elevators, not even bothering to see where Selphie was or what she was doing. Once inside the elevator, he let out a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. He was by himself in the tiny box, which he was thankful for. The Garden, according to the elevator buttons, had three main floors and several basement-like sub floors. The Headmaster's office was on the top floor. The Carrier didn't know what to expect from everything he was being exposed to, but he was sure he didn't want to leave the elevator. He felt so out of place everywhere else. Regardless, he forced himself out of the little box and into the top floor's hallway. The door opposite the elevator's entrance had a placard that read 'Headmaster,' making his search a non-issue. There was a buzzer next to the door and he pressed it.

"Come in," came a warm male voice over the intercom that reminded Leon of the Bead Maker. There was a short buzz before the door in front of him popped open, sliding into the wall. He went inside. There was a large wooden desk flanked by seating with a man sitting behind it. He was older, but not yet gray. He had a kind sort of uncle-ish appearance with a large beaky nose and tiny glasses perched in front of his eyes. He had a few wrinkles, which only made his face softer and its round shape matched his relatively plump body. The name placard on the desk read 'Headmaster Cid.' The man gave the Carrier a once over before raising a skeptical brow. "You look extremely lost."

"So I've been told," Leon said, averting his eyes away from the man's analytical sapphire gaze.

"What can I do for you?"

"I was sent up here because I need to register. Apparently."

"Oh, you're a student?"

"I would like to be, yes."

"Well that's different then," Headmaster Cid said and leaned over the arm of his chair and pulled open the drawers of his desk. He pushed his shaggy chestnut hair out of his face and adjusted his glasses as he looked over a file of papers. He pulled a few sheets out and clipped them to a clip board and set them at the edge of his desk with a pen. He motioned for Leon to sit and the Carrier did so, taking the board and pen up. The form he was given was almost an exact copy of the one he had filled out at the stable.

"I'm going to be honest and say I already filled one of these out and I couldn't even complete it. I don't have an address, contact numbers, or any relatives."

"You're a refugee?"

"…Yes," Leon said hesitantly. He really didn't know what he was supposed to be running away from, but his situation certainly looked like he was trying to get away from _something_. Whatever was happening in Esthar was irrelevant to him, but it was obviously not so great if there had been an influx of emigrants from there like Reno had said. Headmaster Cid seemed to take his claim at face value and accept it.

"Fill out as much as you can and we'll go from there. Do you have any paperwork?"

"Some," Leon said and went to one of his bags and opened it to find the file of papers. He shuffled through the superficial things, things pertaining to details about the school itself, and pulled out his identification papers; his citizenships, his birth certificate, he even had school records from educational facilities he had never attended. He handed everything important off to the Headmaster, his heart pounding and hoping the Technicians knew how to make decent forgeries. The man looked them over closely.

"Esthar? Interesting," he said. Leon took his seat again.

"Is that a problem?" he asked. Headmaster Cid shook his head.

"Not at all. We have people from everywhere, but I will admit that there are very few from Esthar. In fact, we don't have any at all at the moment. The last graduating class had a couple but you're the first of this year. Possibly even the last."

"Oh."

"No worries. I understand. None of them had a lot of information to give either. We've handled it just fine in the past so there's nothing saying your situation will be any different. Go ahead and fill out the form and I'll work on the ones I need to do."

_I wonder if Esthar is where all Carriers say they're from…_ Leon thought. He returned to the clip board and scribbled his information down. He set it on the desk when he was finished and Headmaster Cid took it and looked it over and made notes on his own forms. The Carrier sat in his seat, nervously pushing a few feathers around on his jacket. Eventually, the Headmaster stood and went to the back of his office where there was another door and went inside. He took Leon's papers with him and came back with copies. All in all, the process took another twenty minutes.

"Do you have a way to pay for your books and fees?" the man asked.

"Uh… not really? I have some money but I'm not sure how much I need."

"We'll worry about that when we need to, for now, I'll just make a note to have your information be put into the financial assistance program and we'll see what we can get you before we worry about the out of pocket expenses."

"Okay…" Leon said. _Too bad I have absolutely no intention of paying any of it back_.

"For today though…" the Headmaster trailed, poking at his computer curiously. "I can give you a room, but you may be by yourself for a while until we can find you a roommate."

"I'm more comfortable by myself. If I need to stay that way, that's fine," Leon said all too quickly. For as much as he hated being alone, he really couldn't think of how he would explain needing to shed his skin to a roommate. The idea of living with someone again was a nice one, but there were too many circumstances he would rather avoid if he could. Plus, he didn't get the impression he couldn't have visitors so it wasn't complete isolation.

"We usually charge a fee for having single rooms. We're limited on space as it is and your room may be much farther away from your classes than the rest. You're alright with that?"

"I can live with it. I'll have debt either way, right? May as well be comfortable while I keep adding to the tab."

"I suppose that's true," Headmaster Cid said, refocusing on his computer and clicking away. "Okay. If you go downstairs and back where you were, you should be in the system and they'll give you your key. I'll have the rest of your enrollment processed by tomorrow, and you'll be set. By the end of the week, you'll have a schedule. Before then, though, you'll need to have a physical and an assessment for your specialty."

"A ph—A physical," Leon deadpanned.

"Unless you have your medical records with you, we need to know who we're dealing with," the man said. Leon was more shocked to hear that actual medical procedures were performed. But after that initial surprise, the 'how do I explain…' mentality came back to him and his anxiety kicked in.

"Ah… no. I don't have them. It just hadn't occurred to me."

"It's fine. You can take care of that tomorrow. Just find your room and get acquainted today. No need to rush into every detail. I'll contact you soon. Good luck until then."

"Thank you," Leon said sheepishly.

* * *

The Carrier's dorm wasn't much. There was a small living area with a table and stools just inside the door with a sofa on the far wall. There was a door that led to a bathroom, and two doors leading into two separate sleeping quarters. He supposed that every dorm had at least two rooms, but if one was registered as a 'single' then that person was the only one that could use it. The bedrooms themselves, though, had all the essentials; a single sized bed, an alarm clock, a nightstand, a dresser, and a closet. It was bare of decoration and color, much like his room back on his home plane had been. He didn't care what that room looked like, but after living so long in the Shumi village, he really wanted some color in his dorm. He was thankful he had windows though, the pure natural light was much better than living underground and having it come filtered through smoky crystals.

His doors were like the ones back in the village. They slid into the walls and disappeared. The only difference between the village and the school was that the sliding panels that operated them were clearly visible and locked with his key card versus a button. He kept the spare bedroom's door open to let the light from the window steam into his living space. His belongings took up only two drawers of his dresser and he made a mental note to go shopping soon. Since Binky was apparently staying with him at the school, he had a ride back to the city. He stuffed his empty luggage in the spare room's closet and was officially out of stuff to do. He considered watching Cloud for a little bit, but his alarm clock said it was only about three in the afternoon and the blond would most likely be asleep, judging by the time difference. He sat on his sofa with a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.

He realized he knew next to nothing about the school. Sure, he knew its brief history from the papers he was given by the Technicians, and what it was for, but he didn't know much else. He didn't know what specialties were offered, he didn't know what their expectations were, he didn't know if he had to have certain qualifications for certain things, or any other of the details he hadn't thought about before. He still didn't have a back-story, he still didn't have excuses for his physical differences, and he most certainly didn't have a solid reason for wanting to live by himself that he could explain. His mind was a jumbled mess, and his empty stomach wasn't helping matters by grumbling at him.

He decided he needed to eat before he could think and tossed his jacket aside, made sure he had his key, and left to go find the food.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 23

There was nothing Leon could think of that was worse than a room full of random people he didn't know. This particular room was the cafeteria, and he didn't mind that there were people there so much as he did their judgment. So, maybe a room full of unfamiliar people wasn't the problem as it was a room full of unfamiliar judgment. It also didn't help that he had no idea what the ladies in hairnets behind the counters were serving as food. None of it was labeled because apparently it was common enough fare for everyone else and recognizable.

Not wanting to sound like a complete idiot, he picked one thing and hoped it wouldn't make him sick. He decided that systematically eating one thing per meal was the best way to discern what he could eat and what he couldn't eat. Once he got the menu down, he could mix it together like a normal person. He wondered if there was a menu he could take with him so he could cross things off that he couldn't eat. He would have to remember to look before he left, but he pushed the thought aside as he made his way to one of the tables.

The cafeteria was huge. The tables were relatively small though and only had about four to six chairs around each one. Some had even less. The tiles on the floor, the masonry that made the walls, and the ceiling were all varying shades of blue, giving the room a very ocean-like feel. Even the furniture was metallic frames with blue seats and tops. There was a lot of natural light as well. So much so that more than half the lights in the ceiling were off for the time being. Everyone around him seemed to be enjoying their company and their food, but there wasn't a place he felt comfortable sitting. He ended up taking a table for himself.

_I'm being irrational. What are they going to do to me? Light me on fire? Why is this so difficult?_ He asked himself with an exasperated sigh. He pushed his indiscriminate blob of food around with his spoon, suddenly not very hungry. No one was staring at him, he knew that, but it sure felt like everyone was. He couldn't help but feel like everyone knew his inner thoughts, that they could see every part of him and already knew he wasn't normal, like he was an alien and not someone they would want to associate with. He hated being so self conscious.

"You look like one _tortured_ dude," came a lighthearted male voice. Leon nearly shot out of his skin in surprise and he looked up just as the voice's owner dropped his tray on the table with a loud clatter. The newcomer plopped down in his seat and immediately dove into the mountain of food in front of him. The Carrier didn't know if he should take him seriously or not. Half his face was covered in a crawling black tattoo that was reminiscent of tree roots spreading from his ear to his cheek. His platinum blonde hair was relatively short but the front stuck straight up like a cockatiel's feather. He was very well built though, having thick arms and a broad chest from what Leon could see. His clothing was loose and baggy, having a black vest with red vine-like tendrils coating it over a black t-shirt as well as overly long baggy denim shorts. He gave Leon a smile.

"Uh… I'm sorry?" the Carrier guessed stupidly. The newcomer finished chewing before he spoke again.

"Doesn't bother me any, it just looked like you were going to crawl into your bowl and hide. You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Leon lied.

"Don't let him fool you. He's coming over with the pretense of consoling you but in a few minutes here he's going to try and get in your pants," another new voice came. The first newcomer nearly choked. He turned quickly in his seat and hurled a roll at the source. The second voice laughed before he sat. He was tall, taller than Leon, and much thinner than the first newcomer. His hair was colored like a deep honey and was tied back into a ponytail that hung to the middle of his back. His face was pretty, teetering on feminine, but his velvety deep voice was all male. He wore a purple vest without a shirt underneath above loose brown leather pants and pointy brown shoes. He had the most god-awful cowboy hat Leon had ever seen in his life but he thankfully removed it as he sat with his tray.

"Fuck off. I'm not gay," the first newcomer said.

"Zell, I've known you for two days. I feel my professional opinion of your personality is accurate. I'm just trying to help your new friend here understand your intentions," the second said with an amused smile. He looked to Leon. "Hi."

"Hi?" Leon questioned.

"My name's Irvine. This is Zell. You are…?"

"Le—Squall," the Carrier said awkwardly. Irvine quirked a brow but didn't say anything else on the matter. Zell furrowed his brows and sat back in his seat, glaring across the table at his friend.

"You look gayer than I do, that vest is totally drag," he said.

"What's wrong with my vest?" Irvine questioned, looking down at himself.

"Everything," Leon muttered before he could stop himself. Zell burst into laughter.

"Guy meets you for four seconds and he can already agree!" he said. Irvine shrugged and started eating, completely undisturbed. The blonde calmed and dramatically wiped an imaginary tear out of his eye. He looked to Leon again and smiled. "Yeah, my name's Zell. Sorry. I got distracted and didn't introduce myself."

"It's fine," Leon said. Zell looked at the Carrier's single bowl of food.

"You on a diet?"

"In a very roundabout sort of way, I guess," Leon said.

"What?"

"Don't worry about it."

"He just doesn't understand why not everyone can be a vacuum cleaner like he can. Guy gets within ten feet of anything edible and inhales it before he even gets to the table," Irvine interjected.

"Hey, I burn a lot of that off. I need calories," Zell defended.

"I know you do and that's why it's fascinating," Irvine said. He looked to Leon again. "So tell us about yourself."

"There isn't much to say," Leon tried to deflect.

"Where are you from?"

"…Esthar."

"Ooo exotic."

"How do you figure?"

"I just don't meet many people from there, is all. Nothing wrong with it."

"Okay…well, what about you?"

"I'm from Galbadia," Irvine said, pushing his food around as his mood was quickly ran south. "My brother and I moved to Balamb about a year ago. I finished school here and then I came to this Garden to… progress I guess. Take the next step."

"Oh. At least you're progressing instead of shutting down," Leon said. He assumed with the way Irvine's demeanor changed, that his parents were either still in Galbadia or were dead. Regardless, Midgar's occupation wasn't exactly the happiest thing to happen to the country, but the Carrier didn't want to dredge up painful memories for himself or Irvine, so he left it at that. He looked to Zell. "What about you?"

"I was born and raised here. And… yeah. Not much else other than that," the blonde said.

"His mom is an awesome lady. She walked him all the way to his dorm and left cookies behind," Irvine said with a light snicker.

"Hey! She insisted."

"Mhm, I'm sure. Momma's boy."

"Can I help it if I love my mom? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. Like I said, she's an awesome lady."

"Damn right she is," Zell spat with a huff and crossed his arms over his chest and looked away with his chin in the air. His line of sight happened to fall towards the door where a small group of people were coming in. There were four of them, two guys and two girls. One of the guys was tall, bulky, dark skinned, and seemed relatively nice as he chattered away excitedly to a sort of short, pale, silent girl with silvery white hair and an eye patch. They followed behind another pair, the male of which being tall, blonde, broad shouldered, with a long gray trench coat. The female he had on his arm leaned against him affectionately. She was much shorter than he was with long black hair, a lengthy blue sleeveless coat over her black tank top and blue and black shorts. As soon as the appearances were registered, Zell let out a groan and held his face in his hands.

"What is it?" Leon asked.

"That guy in the gray coat is my roommate. I've known him for years. He's such a dick," the blonde muttered.

"I'm more concerned about that pretty little honey he has on his arm," Irvine said, staring intently at the girl with black hair.

"Don't even try it, dude. Seifer's possessive."

"Eh, I don't have to do anything special. I'll just lure her away with my natural charm and suave language skills. If anything, he can only blame her in the end."

"And if she tells you to fuck off?"

"Then I fuck off. But there's no harm in trying."

"Yeah until Seifer rearranges your teeth."

"I have a good dentist," Irvine said. Zell rolled his eyes with a sigh and returned to his food. The meal continued, Irvine and Zell having a bit of small talk between them. They weren't kidding when it was said that they had met only two days prior. Their conversation was still in the 'get to know you' territory but Leon didn't care much for the superficial details and just picked at his food. It didn't taste bad, he just suddenly had no appetite. He didn't know what his problem was. He liked Irvine and Zell well enough and he was finally being somewhat social, but his spirits hadn't lifted hardly at all.

"Hey pissant," barked a voice. All three of them looked up to see the newly arrived foursome standing at the end of the table, Seifer's eyes focused squarely on Zell.

"The fuck do you want now?" the blonde asked.

"You left your gym bag on the sofa."

"So?"

"Keep your shit in your room and not on the couch. I thought we had that agreement."

"We didn't agree on anything, dick. You told me all my shit stays in my room and your shit goes wherever you please. I don't agree with that so I ignored you. Tough shit."

"Unfortunately for you, you don't have a choice. If I make it back to the room and it's not out of my sight, I'm setting it on fire."

"Right, and when you have to tell Headmaster Cid why I need another pair of six hundred Gil gloves, I'll be sitting outside the door laughing as he chews you a new one. Chill out. I'll move it."

"Good. That's all you had to say."

"Or you could try being civil," Zell muttered.

"Being civil is giving you the option of moving it _before_ I set it on fire. Had I just gone ahead and torched it without telling you, then I would say I wasn't being civil," Seifer said, an amused and condescending smirk crossing his face. By this point, Leon was getting annoyed. The complete lack of manners and the audacity the other had was staggering. It was clear with the way he carried himself that Seifer thought he was above just about everyone, not just Zell. His brows seemed to be stuck in a permanent sneer and his eyes were beady and just screamed 'mean.' The sense of entitlement he had really grated against Leon's nerves.

"Yeah okay fine, whatever," Zell said, brushing the conversation off in an effort to get the bully to leave. The girl with the black hair was not impressed by her apparent boyfriend's display of hostility. She was leaning away from him, her hand only loosely tucked around his arm, and was trying to pay attention just about anything else. Now that she was closer, Leon could see that she was very pretty. Cute, even. She had a buttony nose, small pouty lips, and nice almond shaped dark eyes. She also had a few random chunks of caramel hair in amongst all the black which Leon thought was weird but chocked it up to a female thing and let it slide.

"The fuck you looking at?" Seifer spat abruptly, pulling Leon's attention back to him.

"Someone who seems to be over compensating for his lack of self esteem with beating others down that didn't do anything to deserve it," the Carrier said blandly, looking Seifer directly in the eye with a glare. Every eye at the table turned to him. He fought the urge to crawl under the table and hide. He was just too annoyed to pay attention to his anxiety; he'd worry about it later. Seifer's face twisted into a sneer.

"Oh is that so? I could've sworn you were envious of my girl. Ogling her like a piece of meat. That make you feel good? Demeaning women?"

"Glancing at someone and noticing them is demeaning? If that's the case I may as well spit in your face with how long I've paid attention to you. Seems like a more effective way of communication."

"I'd like to see you try, skinny."

"It'd be an insult to my spit," the Carrier said. Seifer barked a laugh.

"You're just scared."

"If you say so," Leon said. He stood and picked up his bowl and silverware and headed towards the dirty dish drop-off window. He was done. He didn't want to be there anymore, he didn't want to talk anymore, and he was tired of feeling so out of place. He dropped his bowl off for the kitchen workers to wash before heading to the doors. He was stopped halfway there by a hand on his shoulder. He turned and came face-to-clavicle with Seifer.

"You know, you got a big fucking mouth for someone so fucking short," Seifer practically hissed in his face. He had a good six inches in height on Leon, but the Carrier wasn't threatened.

"Okay," he said flatly. He didn't want to give the other the satisfaction of giving in and arguing.

"I don't like it."

"And I don't like you. I'm glad we could come to this understanding," Leon said. Seifer scoffed at him and tugged his girl away with him, purposefully bumping into Leon's shoulder as he brushed past. The other pair that had came in with them followed behind quietly. Once they were a reasonable distance away, Zell bolted out of his seat to the Carrier's side with a beaming smile.

"That took balls," he said happily.

"What's his problem?"

"He has a massive superiority complex. He thinks he runs this school, but in reality he's one of the oldest students here because he's failed a couple of years. Well, not fail in an academic sense, but he hasn't passed his field exam yet, which is even more important than the written stuff. He's always been like that though. Like I said, we've known each other for years and ever since I can remember, he's just been a bossy jerk."

"He's obviously got some personal issues he needs to sort out. People aren't just that rude because they feel like it. They feel they _have_ to be."

"It's possible. I don't know what it could be though. As far as I'm aware his home life was good. Like mine; sort of picturesque compared to most others," Zell said. Leon shrugged.

"Who knows?" he said. The blonde grinned.

"I'm serious when I say that took balls though. You're alright in my book," he said. Leon smiled.

"Thanks."

* * *

Doctor Kadowaki was an middle aged woman who worked at the Garden as the resident physician, though through experience she had become a sort of medical jack-of-all-trades. She had a little team of nurses that helped her but she was extremely proactive and took a very 'hands on' approach to her job. For as serious as she was, she was very compassionate. Her tightly-pulled-back-hair in its conservative graying bun betrayed her sarcastic sense of humor. When Leon reported to the Infirmary the next morning for his physical, he was assaulted by the touchy-feely nurses and forced into a tiny examination room. He didn't have a problem with the physical itself. It was easy enough for him to take an objective approach and see that it was a practical and necessary procedure and that the doctor wasn't there to laugh at him or demean him any. However, that didn't ease his nerves completely. In fact, his nervousness became blatantly obvious when Dr. Kadowaki came in toting a very large camera.

"Go ahead and scoot behind the curtain and get undressed," she said plainly, stooping to open a cabinet and retrieve a papery gown. "Don't put this on until I say so, though," she said.

"Uh… what is exactly is that for though?" he asked hesitantly, pointing to the camera.

"Cameras are for taking pictures."

"Yes I know but why is it necessary?"

"Because I need to take pictures of any telltale marks on you."

"…Because?"

"Because this is the military. If you go out in the field and get your face and hands blown off, we need to be able to identify your remains," the woman said. Leon raised a brow.

"Well that's a little morbid."

"That's reality."

_Of course it is. Yippie,_ Leon sighed to himself. He scooted off the exam table and went behind the aforementioned curtain. He had never been in a legitimate doctor's office before and the first thing that came to mind when he went back there was 'why the hell is there a mirror back here?' There was no practical reason for it to be there. It wasn't like the room was his bedroom and he needed to see how his clothing looked when he put them back on; he had done that once already that day. He shook his head a bit as he disrobed.

"Ready?" she asked.

"I suppose? Where do you want me?" he asked. He couldn't give two damns if she saw his nudity so much as he was concerned about his model number. He wondered if having a Carrier's number documented and on file would have any future ramifications even after he left. He didn't know how much the people could connect together. Surely he wasn't the first Carrier to pass through.

"Out here somewhere is fine," she said, fiddling with the camera. "If I find anything I feel I should keep a picture of, I'll let you kn—oh," she deadpanned. She had looked up from the device and noticed the very large and very obvious scars that littered his torso. "Well okay then," she said. She reached out and picked up Leon's arms. He got the idea and held them out, allowing her to get a satisfactory eyeful of all the damage. She snapped a picture of his sides as well. He hated it. Having the Shumi people and Reno know about the marks was one thing because they knew what happened and didn't judge. Even though Dr. Kadowaki was completely professional through the entire process, he still couldn't help but feel like she thought he was ugly. It was completely irrational thinking on his part, but that just made it so much worse because he couldn't stop himself.

The physical continued on normally when she was finished with the surface pictures. She handed him the gown, which he thought was useless at that point since she had already seen all of him, but he put it on anyway for modesty's sake. She made sure all his joints felt normal, checked his eyes and his ears, and made sure his reflexes were normal. She went about feeling his glands under his jaw and stopped when her fingers pressed into the hardened lump that was the start of his Link beneath his back tooth. She furrowed her brows and felt around a little.

"Are you aware—"

"Yes," he said.

"Have you had any sort of exam—"

"Yes."

"Is it something I should be concerned about?"

"No," he said. She seemed like she wanted to say more but she let it slide and continued on. She took a picture of his teeth and the odd texture of his tongue, checked his throat and noticed the Link access point in his tooth. She tried to press questions again, but he cut her off. She took a few minutes to write everything in his file before she moved on. She had him stand and bend over and touch his toes so she could feel his spine. Again, she noticed the abnormalities with his Link traveling down either side of his vertebrae, questioned it, but was cut off once more. Before she moved onto his pelvic area she sat him down and gave him a stern look.

"I'm not stupid. I don't know what Esthar is up to now-a-days but whatever is going on with you needs to be checked out in more detail. You have too many anomalies for me to give you a clean bill of health and send you on your way."

"Even though I say I'm fine, you're going to persist?" Leon asked. His patience was wearing thin.

"I have to or else we can't keep you. I need to give the 'okay' before you can do anything here."

"I can't get a second opinion?"

"Not at this point. I'm aware of it. Do you have an idea of what's going on with you?"

"Yes. I do, actually," he said simply.

"Enlighten me?" she asked. Leon contemplated for a minute.

"I'm not human," he said simply. Dr. Kadowaki raised a brow.

"This isn't a joke."

"I'm not joking."

"Fine. I'll play along. Are you telling me you're a monster? An alien? A mud person?"

"Sort of, sort of, and no. In that order," he said. The doctor rolled her eyes.

"You're so full of shit. Take this seriously otherwise I'm going to have to go to the Headmaster and have him dismiss you."

"Fine. I'm terminally ill. My spine is threatening to split down the middle and all of my limbs and innards are going to fall to the ground. I'm here because I want to commit suicide and go out with a bang. So do me a favor and humor me for a few years," Leon said snidely. Dr. Kadowaki scowled.

"Kid, I'm not very fond of your tone."

"And I'm not fond of your prejudice."

"Preju—I'm trying to help you."

"And I've already said that I'm fine. I've been checked out, I've been looked over and questioned before and everything is normal. Normal for me. Just because I'm a little different doesn't give you the right to berate me with questions claiming I'm abnormal. My doctors back home told me I'm fine and I'm sorry, but I trust their medicine more than I trust yours. If that discounts me from being able to make something of myself here, then I guess I should go over to Midgar where apparently they're more accepting," he said. Mentioning Midgar and knowing the irony in their 'acceptance' parameters seemed to hit a nerve in the doctor. She sighed and rubbed her brow.

"I'm not trying to criticize you but you have to admit that 'different' in a medical sense usually doesn't lead to anything good. I'm concerned."

"Don't be. I've been this way my entire life," Leon said. She heaved an exasperated sigh and tensed her jaw as she thought it over. She eventually sighed again and ran a hand over her hair.

"Alright fine. But I'm warning you: if I get the slightest whiff of something wrong with you or something pertaining to you, I will pull you out of here by your toenails before you even understand what hit you. Understand?" she asked tersely.

"Yes ma'am," the Carrier said quickly, his heart doing a little relieved flip.

"Good. I'm going to document everything I found but I'll only tell Cid to be aware. You screw this up and I don't know how lenient he'll be."

"I won't screw it up."

"Fine. We just have a few more things before you can go," she said impatiently. She had him lay back so she could feel his abdomen. The fun part began after that. Prostate exams weren't exactly his idea of a party, but having one done and then having his perineum and scrotum photographed was just about the most embarrassing thing he had ever encountered in his life. Dr. Kadowaki didn't say anything else to him other than 'you're fine, get out of here' after that. Leon was all too happy to get dressed and leave.

_Note to self: Need to get my way? Bring up racial prejudice. If that doesn't work, talk about Midgar_, he told himself half-jokingly. He was sure there was more to Dr. Kadowaki's personal pressure than him getting upset about whatever judgment she was passing on him. Since Balamb didn't have a draft, it was probably safe to assume they looked over a few things in order to keep their numbers up. They couldn't afford to be picky. He was the least of their concerns anyway.

* * *

Balamb Garden had a series of combat specialties. There were three main categories: spiritual, melee, and distance. Within those categories, various branches spread out covering a wide array of weaponry and abilities. Melee and distance were pretty self explanatory, meaning close-range combat and long-range combat respectively. Spiritual, as far as Leon could tell, was where they kept the magic users; people who had the ability to manipulate the elements like the Shumi did.

Everyone was required to do certain things though, just as a general military standard. Everyone needed a weapon and a specialty. Period. Magic users could specialize in their craft but they still had to be armed at all times. Everyone else had their specialty with their weapon of choice but could reach out and dabble in whatever else they wanted to do. Conversely, everyone had to be proficient in driving, controlling a chocobo, and basic first aid. That was the basic gist of what Leon could pick up from what he heard around the campus. Of course, everyone had their academic obligations as well, but that was secondary to the physical things they needed to be able to do.

Before his assessment, Leon wandered out into the training grounds outside of the main building and met up with the instructor who took his measurements and shoved a pile of clothing in his arms. A pair of shorts and a t-shirt was supposedly what he was supposed to wear, which was fine with him because he didn't know what to expect otherwise. He was also given a pair of sneakers. He almost argued that he'd rather run around barefoot but it ultimately didn't matter. Once he changed and came back, he had to fill out a series of forms and the instructor took his basic stats; his blood pressure, his temperature, and his pulse.

"Feeling alright?" the instructor asked. Leon raised a brow.

"Yes. Why?"

"You have a slight fever."

"How much?"

"100.8," he said.

"That's normal for me."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," the man said, his tone implying that he wasn't convinced. Leon sighed. He should've seen that one coming but he was thankful the instructor seemed to be more forgiving than the doctor. He jotted some notes on his clip board. "Well, we're going to start with some simple stuff. A lot of this is what you'll end up doing every day during your pre-training warm up so pay attention."

"Question before we start?" Leon interjected. Something was nagging him that he couldn't shake.

"Yeah?"

"Why am I the only one doing this? Shouldn't there be more students with me?"

"The majority take this assessment right before they graduate from their primary education and come here. Hardly anyone has a specialty when they start but we need at least the basics of your physical capabilities before we can get that far. Don't worry. Kids from Esthar almost always need to do this part first while they're here. Schools over there just don't emphasize it enough. It's normal. You're not weird."

"Okay," the Carrier said. He didn't feel much better. Even if he was completely human, he was still technically from a foreign country. He was different regardless of the story.

"Anyway," the instructor said and pointed down a pathway to where there was a small marker sticking out of the grass next to it. Closer to them was a line. "That distance is about five hundred meters give or take. I don't want you to sprint; I just need a comfortable baseline running speed. Head on down there and I'll call for you to start."

"Okay," Leon said and wandered down the path and stood next to the marker. He stretched a little to avoid a cramp and waved to the instructor to show he was ready. At the man's whistle, the stopwatch was started, and he took off. He jogged for about five steps until he was at a comfortable speed and continued on down to the line. Easy. He didn't think he was going all that fast but the instructor seemed relatively upset with him when he stopped.

"I told you not to sprint," he said.

"I didn't," the Carrier defended, hardly winded. The instructor furrowed his brows together and started at him seriously.

"Alright fine. Do it again but sprint it," he ordered, the annoyance in his voice obvious. Leon sighed grumpily and walked back to the marker. He readied himself in a pre-run stance. Another tweet of the whistle and he was off like a shot. When he made it back to the line he was winded but not as winded as the instructor seemed to be. The man had nearly choked.

"Is it really that bad?" Leon asked, giving the man a skeptical look.

"Bad? Are you nuts? Where were you ten years ago when I was coaching at the university? Damn!" the man balked. The Carrier raised a brow. As it turns out, leisurely running five hundred meters in fifty-four seconds was impressive. Sprinting the same distance in only thirty-five seconds was even more so. Leon had never been timed or monitored in his life so he couldn't grasp the concept of 'damn that's fucking fast' since he had never paid attention before. His instructor was overly excited though and jabbered on about the possibilities of such speed in the battlefield. The Carrier listened, but half-heartedly.

The majority of the remainder of his assessment was basic work-out sorts of things. Sit ups, pushups, chin ups, jumping jacks, the normal things he would end up doing pretty much every day for as long as he stayed there. After the little stuff was done with, the instructor walked him inside to the school gym, which was next to the combat training center. The room was huge and littered with all manner of work-out equipment where there were several students exercising already. Leon suddenly felt very skinny in comparison to some of the other guys in there, some of which had shoulders almost as big as his face.

He followed the instructor past them and to the back where there was a weird machine that almost looked like an arcade game with a padded handle on a base with a large panel of padding behind it on the wall. There was a metal plate behind the panel, and a bundle of wires leading from it to a tiny digital screen that was on the wall few inches over. The same wires came out of the base the handle was situated on and connected to the screen as well.

"This thing measures your grip strength and your punch force. Do you really need me to explain how it works?" the instructor asked. Leon shook his head. "Go ahead whenever you're ready then," he said. The Carrier grabbed the padded handle and squeezed as hard as he could. He held it for a couple seconds and released. He watched the little screen, curious to see how strong he was. Numbers popped up on the display and skyrocketed upward but quickly turned into slash marks as the number ran out of space to display. The instructor stared wordlessly at the screen, pen poised above Leon's paperwork. The Carrier couldn't see what the last number was before the display blipped away so he didn't know what the machine's threshold was.

"Are you alright?" Leon asked as the instructor stayed silent, mouth slightly agape. The man blinked a few times and looked to him.

"Uh… yes. I am. I uh…" he trailed, glancing down at his paperwork. He was quiet again as he thought for a minute. "I think we'll call it a day," he said finally.

"We didn't even fini—"

"Yeah we can pick this up later. I need to get a few things together and… talk them over with some people."

"With incomplete data?"

"I have more than enough. Here," the instructor said, flipping a couple pages until he found a pad of important looking papers. He scribbled on the top sheet and handed it off to Leon when he was finished. "Take this to the combat assessment people and you can get started," he said. The Carrier nodded. The instructor hurried away without say anything else, to which Leon scowled. Everyone in the gym was staring at him and he stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket and quickly took his leave. Once he was out into the hallway and away from stunned eyes, he dug the paper out again and looked it over. It was a list of the varying weapon specialties with a rating system next to each one. His name was at the top in its appropriate box, but instead of going down the list and giving a value to what Leon was supposed to have an affinity to, the instructor simply wrote the entire sheet:

_Ideal for all specialties._

_

* * *

_

"Awww, you're making so many friends," Reno cooed happily.

"Shut up. They all think I'm some sort of freak of nature," Leon spat.

"Well… I hate to tell you this, buddy, but we sort of are."

"I wish I had had the forethought to ask what the average person scores on everything before I tried any of it. Even if I was off in my estimations, I'd still only be a little above average instead of flying off into ogre territory."

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're not an ogre," the redhead chastised.

"Well then I'm some sort of troll or something because I've effectively alienated myself from any sort of normalcy I had hoped to have. Augh… this is a mess," Leon sighed, holding his face in his hands. "I haven't even started going to school yet. This is all preliminary."

"Have you talked to anyone and asked them if they think you're so awful?"

"No…"

"Then how do you know that's how they all see you? You're not giving yourself enough credit. Zell and Irvine sound nice enough and they seemed to like you, right?"

"I have no idea."

"You need to pay attention more."

"I am paying attention."

"To the people, dumbass. Fuck the school. Whatever they're doing, you can do better, simple as that. Succeeding is not the problem, but gaining social acceptance is more of a hurdle. Don't torture yourself over it because then you'll spend your time there perpetually upset and you might actually get hurt because you're distracted. Get comfortable around everyone, and then worry about graduation."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Because it _is_ easy. What's hard is trying to cater to everyone you come across. You can't please everyone all at once all the time. Your personality is what it is and if you get hung up on a few people not liking you or having varying opinions, then yeah, it's going to be hard. Just accept that you're not going to be a hundred percent with everyone and go with who is accepting and who you like. Tiny details aren't as important as the overall picture."

"The tiny detail being myself. I feel so inhuman."

"_What_ you are is not the same as _who_ you are. You could be a malformed mutated blob but you'd still be you. Your body doesn't define your worth as a person," Reno said. A loud squeak came over the transmission as the redhead leaned back in his seat and set his legs up on his desk. Leon didn't have a response to his statement.

"Okay." At least not a constructive statement, anyway.

"All better?"

"No. But I'll think about it and get back to you on that. How're things on your end?"

"Quiet. Rude and Chelsea are still together, still sucking face every four seconds, and still annoyingly mushy. For a guy that doesn't talk very much, you'd think he'd be this cold stonewall-ish sort of personality but he isn't. He's really sweet. Very cuddly. It still doesn't change the fact that I want to yank Chelsea's ovaries out through her ears, though."

"Why's that?"

"Uh, because he's _mine_, duh," Reno scoffed. Leon chuckled.

"You mean she doesn't have ESP? How dare she."

"I know! She should know this shit already. Been sending her negative 'back off' brainwaves since she showed up."

"I'm sorry she's not perfect."

"Feh, whatever. He'll be mine soon enough. How's Cloud?"

"I haven't paid attention to him in two days," Leon said flatly. There was a short pause before Reno let out a short 'hm.'

"Is he that uninteresting?"

"Lately he has been. It also doesn't help that I'm really sick of hearing condoms being opened and seeing Aerith's vagina."

"But you're not tired of seeing Cloud's penis? Interesting."

"Oh fuck off, you know what I mean," Leon grumped. Reno laughed.

"Whatever you say, buddy. Whatever you say."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 24

Somewhere over the course of an evening, while Leon was sleep, Aerith's entire world seemed to have collapsed. The Carrier was greeted by _wailing_ when he started watching again. She and Cloud were on the couch together, the blonde laying on his back with the girl on top of him using his entire chest as a tissue to smear her tears on. Cloud wasn't overly upset, of if he was, he didn't show it. He was blank, and only offered any sort of expression when Aerith looked up from his chest. Even then, it wasn't much. He just held her, rubbed her back, and waited for her to calm down.

"Aerith…" he trailed dejectedly after listening to her for another ten minutes. She pushed herself up and sat on his thighs, her face as red as a tomato with bloodshot eyes. Cloud sat up as much as he could.

"W-why—" she hiccupped, stopping to catch her breath, "why aren't you u-upset?" she choked.

"I am upset. But we knew it was happening. I'm not surprised," he said. She wiped her face with little success. Her cries calmed into loud uneven sniffles.

"But I don't w-want you to go!" she squealed, throwing herself on him again and hugging his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight, resting his chin on her hair

"I know. I don't want to either," he said flatly.

"What if I never see you again?"

"You will. I'll come back."

_Oh god don't tell her that,_ Leon begged, the guilt trickling in.

"But what if you d—"

"Aerith," Cloud said sternly, nudging her back enough so he could look her in the eye. "Stop. I'll be back. I promise."

"But—"

"You have to trust me."

"I do trust you."

"Then there shouldn't be a problem."

"But it is a prob—" she started but the blonde grabbed her face and pressed their lips together before she could get anywhere. It was a short kiss, just enough to get the girl to be quiet. He hugged her again afterward. It was then that he showed emotion. When Aerith's face was tucked against his neck and couldn't see, Cloud's obvious fear and worry seeped into his face. Leon hadn't seen the blonde look so scared since he was a lot younger. Even went Nana died, Cloud wasn't worried. He wasn't happy, but not afraid. Being shipped off to a possible death sentence was reason enough to be fearful, but Leon couldn't help but wonder if Cloud's main concern was dying, or breaking his promise to Aerith. The latter was part of the Carrier's concern, even with knowing she wouldn't remember who Cloud was once they left. The guilt was just too much for him to dwell on.

He pushed his thoughts aside as he stopped the feed and went to get himself together for the day. He was starting to run out of clothes to wear and vaguely wondered where the laundry facilities were, and if he could sneak away to go shopping at some point. But before he did that, he needed to bathe and eat breakfast.

* * *

Leon was in the habit of waking up early. He was in the cafeteria by six in the morning, right when breakfast started. Most of the other students didn't roll in until almost eight. The people who ate as early as the Carrier did were the teachers. A lot of them lived on campus, including the Headmaster. Leon took his tray and tried to find a place to sit and eat by himself. His morning hadn't been the best and he wanted to think a little. He needed to come up with a plan. As much as it hurt him to consider the possibility of hurting Cloud when they left together, he still needed to figure out a way to get the blonde to follow. He managed to find a table and started eating.

"Squall," someone said abruptly. Leon startled and looked up to see Headmaster Cid standing at the end of his table. The man came around and sat in the available seat next to him.

"Yes?" Leon asked, raising a brow. Headmaster Cid thought about what he wanted to say for a moment before he ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Your exemplary strength has been brought to my attention. It's not the first time we've had students come to us with such abilities but they're always the minority and we've kept them under close scrutiny. So I'll be frank and just ask you straight: do you use Mako?" he asked, giving the Carrier serious eyes. Leon choked on a piece of food and started coughing.

"No!" he barked when he could breathe again. _That's why the instructor was acting so weird, _he concluded.

"Using Mako is against our policy, not to mention Balamb's law."

"I'm not."

"So you'd be willing to let us test you?"

"Yes!"

"…Oh," the Headmaster deadpanned; seemingly surprised the Carrier was so forthcoming.

"What do you need me to do?" Leon asked.

"It's just a blood test," the man said. The other immediately set his arm on the table, wrist up, presenting his veins to the man with an expectant expression. Headmaster Cid rubbed his brows. "Not right this second."

"Well the faster we can get this done, the faster I can be taken seriously. Why would I want to prolong such conclusions about myself?"

"I understand but we'll take care of it before the day is over. In fact, when you're done eating just report to Dr. Kadowaki and tell her what we need and she can get it done then."

"Fine."

"If you're clean, I apologize for my judgment in advance. But you understand where I'm coming from, yes?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm any less insulted," Leon grumped. Headmaster Cid gave him a small smile.

"True enough. I look forward to being able to see you progress. You'll be a valuable asset to our forces."

* * *

After dropping off a blood sample to Dr. Kadowaki and going to back to his room for his money, Leon decided it was time to go shopping. He wasn't allowed to do anything else pertaining to his education before the test results came back so he was sort of at odds with himself. Getting out and spending some time by himself seemed like an okay way to pass the time. However, as he made his way outside, Zell found him.

"Where're you headed out so early?" the blonde asked curiously.

"Shopping. My wardrobe is a little sparse," Leon said flatly, continuing to walk past him.

"By yourself?" Zell asked, clearing the space between them and falling in line.

"Yes."

"But there's like… nature out there."

"You'll have that."

"Yeah well, this nature can kill you, you know. It's really not the best idea to go out there unarmed and by yourself."

"Are you offering to be my meat shield?" Leon asked grumpily, hoping the brash terminology was enough to give the other a hint.

"Well my conscience would feel better if I made sure you were okay. Can I tag along?"

"Whatever," the Carrier huffed. Zell frowned but followed after him anyway. Their first stop was at the chocobo stables where they retrieved Binky and a spare bird for Zell. The blonde didn't have one assigned to him. His mother had brought him to the school in her car but she obviously took it back, leaving her son relatively stranded. But it was fine. The school had plenty of birds for everyone. Binky seemed happy to see Leon and rubbed his face against him affectionately. They set out together at a leisurely pace, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious.

"So…" Zell trailed, attempting to make small talk. Leon didn't oblige him. The blonde sighed. "Are you going to ignore me the whole time we're out?"

"No, but you haven't said anything that I needed to reply to."

"You could've tried to start a conversation."

"I assumed 'so…' was your effort to start one. I was waiting for the rest of it."

"Oh. Well, I wanted to ask why you're here. There are lots of rumors going around about you and no one can really put together a story for you that sounds halfway accurate."

"Why does it matter? Let them think what they want. I can't do anything to change whatever opinions about me they've already formed."

"Maybe. But you really don't care?"

"Caring about everyone else is not why I'm here," Leon said.

"So what is it, then?" Zell asked.

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't be like that. Seriously. I don't want to think you're a bad guy just because you're not as outgoing as some people but if you don't give me anything to work with I'm going to have to believe the rumors."

"What are the rumors?"

"That you're a spy from Midgar," Zell said. Leon stopped Binky and stared at the blonde with hard eyes.

"Excuse me?" he asked, immediately angry. Zell pulled his chocobo around and stopped to look at him as well.

"It's what everyone's saying. That you do Mako and you're here to spy and give away strategies to the enemy. I heard how strong you are. You don't talk to anyone either. We can only go by what we see and you're awfully suspicious," Zell explained. Leon sighed.

"I'm here because I'm looking for someone."

"Are they here?"

"No. They're in Midgar."

"Then why come here?"

"Because I hate Midgar. I'll eventually end up over there in battle anyway and he's a soldier so we'll probably find each other. Or I'll die trying. Whichever comes first," the brunette said, continuing forward again. The blonde followed.

"He?" Zell asked, raising a brow. Leon sighed.

"Yes. He."

"Uh… you don't have to tell me if it's personal but is he—"

"He's family."

"Oh. Okay. So you really think you can find him? Sort of like a needle in a haystack of you think about it."

"I have my methods," Leon said.

"Fancy Esthar methods?"

"…Sure, we can call them that."

"Does he know you're looking for him?" Zell asked.

"No. We were separated before he even knew I existed."

"Is he your brother or something?"

"It's complicated. Just leave it at that."

"Okay. Thanks for telling me. I feel better."

"That's good," Leon said.

"So what's the deal with Esthar, anyway?"

"I have no idea."

"Seriously? You _are_ from there, yeah?"

"Yeah. I just don't pay attention to things I don't care about. I left as soon as I could."

"What did your parents say?"

"I don't have any."

"Oh… sorry."

"It's fine."

Zell didn't say much for a while after that. They reached the city without incident and that's when the blonde became more active again. He yanked Leon to just about every shop they could find within a mile, and rifled through the clothing racks for suitable things for the Carrier to wear. Zell's fashion sense wasn't atrocious (better than Irvine's anyway) but after forty-five minutes of fabric mayhem, Leon was ready to punch the blonde and tell him to fuck off. He was a big boy. He could pick out pants for himself. Zell eventually got the hint and backed off but browsed anyway and found something for him. He came over with it and poked the brunette in the shoulder.

"Fuck no," Leon spat, sending a beaming glare in the blonde's direction where he was holding up a pastel pink shirt. Zell laughed.

"Oh come on! Humor me!"

"You wear it."

"No way."

"Then why the hell would I?"

"Because it'll be funny. My mom forced me into a couple of these when I was younger. Whenever I would get angry at her, she would yell at me and tell me that I can wear whatever I wanted because we were free and allowed to do so. She just never got the hint that I didn't want to."

"I'm sorry for your misfortune. Good thing you're not my mother. I'm not putting it on."

"Yeah okay fine," Zell laughed and went to put the shirt back. Leon sighed and rolled his eyes.

Purchases were made and the pair decided to find lunch. Leon managed to find something in town he could eat while Zell inhaled whatever part of his meal he _didn't_ eat. The blonde kept a suspicious eye on him the entire meal but didn't ask questions. They strapped Leon's bags to Binky's saddle and headed back towards the school. They made it back with minimal conversation and no damage.

"You made it sound like there was going to be a wave of things out to eat me if I went out there by myself," Leon said flatly. Zell grinned at him.

"Monsters don't generally go after you if you're riding a chocobo."

"Well then why the fuck did you insist on coming?"

"Because I wanted to clear the air."

"Sneaky bastard," Leon muttered.

"Was it really that painful? I had fun."

"…No, it was fine."

"See? Socializing is fun," Zell said with a laugh.

* * *

The Garden had an enormous library stuffed to brim with books on just about anything Leon could think of. The Carrier nearly peed himself when he discovered it and tore through the catalog to find texts about Esthar and Balamb. With an armful of books and several strange looks following him, he retreated to his room to immerse himself. Being able to hold a book and read it in Plane 087 seemed like such a novelty. He spread out on the couch comfortably and tuned out the rest of the world for almost three hours before he remembered he should probably use the bathroom and maybe get a glass of water. After that, when he came back for his second round, he was interrupted by a knock on his door. He answered begrudgingly and was surprised to find the girl with the black hair he had seen with Seifer in front of him. She held out a file for him.

"Hi. Headmaster Cid wanted me to give this to you," she said. Her voice was light and airy, but warm. He flipped through the papers in the file briefly.

"Are you like… his secretary or something?" he asked idly.

"Sort of. My boyfriend's the head of the Disciplinary Committee and so I'm a member too, though I usually sit upstairs when I have the time and file the write-up slips and keep all the paperwork in line. So… here I am. Handling more paperwork," she said with a smile.

"Okay. Thanks for the delivery," Leon said and stepped back into the room, dismissing the rest of the conversation. When he was out of the way of the door's motion sensor, it tried to slide shut but the girl on the other side stopped it with her hand, causing it to bounce back open like an elevator door.

"Wait," she said. He looked at her with a raised brow. "I wanted to apologize too."

"For what?"

"For Seifer."

"You don't need to. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Well, I still feel bad. I already apologized to Zell too. I could've tried to stop him from starting something, but I didn't even try," she said with a tiny sigh.

"Apology not accepted," Leon said flatly. Her jaw dropped and she furrowed her brows together. "I told you. You didn't do anything wrong. He's old enough to be here and put his life on the line for his country, he should take responsibility for himself outside of that as well."

"Well you're probably not going to get an apology from him. Ever," she said grumpily.

"Oh well. There are worse things in life. I don't agree with making others cover for me. It's cowardly. People like that aren't worth my time."

"He's not a coward."

"Of course he is. Why else would he hide behind so much bravado?"

"Because he's prideful."

"Being prideful is being proud of yourself. If you have to go around and take everyone down so you feel they're below you, you obviously don't hold yourself on a high enough pedestal. Even if has some pride and is arrogant, the simple fact that he feels he needs to insult and instigate speaks volumes about his lack of character and self worth," Leon said, eyes empty of emotion. The girl scrunched her brows together.

"You have a serious acid tongue on you, you know that?" she asked, sounding insulted. Leon shrugged.

"This is all stemming from personal observation. So far, I've learned that the people here really like to pass judgment and rumors around. Maybe if Seifer is aware of the way people perceive him, he'll give enough of a damn to change. But I'm not going to wait for him to do it. So… sorry. Your boyfriend is a dick."

"Apparently so are you."

"Not on purpose. I'm just overly honest. He hasn't exactly given me anything nice to say about him," Leon said, going to sit on his couch again. The girl didn't have a response and looked thoughtful as she stared at his floor. When she hesitated in his doorway for a few minutes without saying anything, Leon sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry if I insulted you. What he does doesn't give me the impression you're a bad person or that you're the same. I wasn't trying to make a preemptive analysis of your personality or anything."

"I'm not insulted. I mean… maybe a little because he _is_ my boyfriend but I can't deny that it's all true," she said. The door started to beep, yelling at her to get out of the doorway and to let it close. She invited herself in and took one of the stools at the little table across from the couch. Leon raised a brow but didn't say anything.

"Is he like that to everyone? Or just people who stand up against him?" he asked.

"Everyone mostly."

"Even you?"

"He's not mean to me, if that's what you're asking. He's just… pushy."

_Whatever that means_, Leon told himself. "There's someone for everyone, I guess. I'm glad you're happy with him."

"Yeah," she said half-heartedly.

"Or was that a false assumption on my part?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted. He raised his brows but decided not to ask. It wasn't his place. He refocused on the papers. He had a schedule, as well as his blood test results which were clean; as expected. He was cleared to take his combat assessment in the morning and after that he would have to get his picture taken for his ID. Other than that though, he was all set to start his classes the following Monday. It was a relief on his part and he let out a satisfied sigh and set the folder aside. When he looked back at the girl, she had her chin propped up on the heel of her hand on the table with a distant thoughtful look on her face. He considered prying, but quickly decided against it. He really didn't want to know. So, he returned to his book.

_I wonder at what point it becomes socially acceptable to say 'go away, I didn't want you in here in the first place', _he asked himself. After another fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence, she sighed.

"Sorry, I should probably get back. You just… made me think a lot more than I had been. Sorry for invading your room," she said. He shrugged his indifference and didn't make an effort to see her out. She went to the door and stopped for a second before looking back to him. "Can I have your name?" she asked.

"Squall."

"I'm Rinoa."

"Nice to meet you. Officially."

"Yeah. You too."

"Thanks for the delivery," he said, finally glancing up from his book. She nodded.

"No problem."

* * *

"Hold on… wait," Cloud said, fumbling around with the tripod. Somewhere along the line, the pair had acquired a camera. Leon didn't think they had actually purchased it, since cameras were expensive, but a rental served the purpose just as well. Aerith was overly amused with Cloud's clumsy fiddling with the device and sat on the bench in front of the beds of wildflowers giggling at him. The blonde scowled as he tried to get it to sit straight and stay in place. He spent a while moving it, stepping back, looking through it, then moving it again. He eventually got to where he was satisfied, set the timer, and skittered over to sit with Aerith. The picture snapped and popped out the bottom the camera. Aerith went to go get it and came back to the bench.

"It's nice," she said quietly, looking at the little square in her hands. Cloud leaned over her shoulder and took a peek.

"Yeah," he said. Aerith set it in her lap with a sigh. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want just a picture," she said sadly. She turned to look at him, eyes already glassy and threatening a torrent of tears. Cloud's expression fell and he hugged her quickly.

"Please don't cry anymore," he begged.

"I can't help it," she said, her speech muffled by his shirt.

_Why the fuck do I even bother watching anymore? All I'm getting out of this is one kick to the balls after another_, Leon asked himself. He held his face in his hands, Aerith's pitiful sniffling reverberating in his skull like some sort of dysfunctional funeral hymn. He felt like garbage.

"I know. But I wanted a picture of just you to take with me and I don't want it of you crying," Cloud said.

"Okay," she said, sitting back and wiping her eyes. Her hands shook as she picked at her dress and smoothed it back into place. They sat together quietly until she had calmed down enough to take a reasonably happy-looking photograph. Cloud didn't bother with the tripod that time around and held the camera himself. He snapped the photo, grabbed it when it popped out, and went to sit with her again. He held the picture at arm's length and smiled cockily at her.

"Everyone's going to be jealous of me. They're all going to ask me who the babe in the picture is and I get to tell them that she's mine," he said. Aerith's cheeks turned bright pink and she picked at her fingers shyly. He smiled and purposefully leaned against her, slowly putting more pressure on her and forcing her to bend under the force until she finally gave in and looked at him. When she did, he kissed her nose and sat up normally again. Embarrassment pushed aside, she welcomed herself to lean against his shoulder comfortably.

"I don't want to be by myself," she said after a few moments of silence. He laid his cheek against her hair.

"You won't be. You said they're going to bring a couple kids with them, yeah?"

"It's not the same."

"But it'll keep you distracted and busy. The time will fly by before you know it."

"So you say."

"That's right. So I say."

"You say it like it's going to be easy."

"Aerith… I'm trying to help you. I'm completely aware of how much this is going to suck but one of us has to be positive otherwise we'd both be crying and miserable. I want to see you as happy as possible as much as I can before I go, okay?" he said, pulling away and making eye contact with her. She looked away, contemplating, before she nodded and looked down at her hands again.

"How many pictures do we have left?" she asked. He handed the camera off to her and she clicked the various buttons trying to find out. Half of the exposures they had were used by Cloud's stupidity with the device. Leon was sure they had a few too many pictures of the blonde's nostrils.

"Well?" Cloud asked.

"Just a couple."

"What did you want pictures of?" he asked. She thought about it and looked to him with a tiny smile.

"I think… if we go inside, I can figure it out," she said. Cloud raised a brow.

"Inside? It's brighter out here though."

"We have lights inside, too."

"Well yeah, but I thought the point was the flowers—"

"Cloud?"

"Hmm?"

"Go inside and take your pants off," she said flatly. The blonde was surprised and stared at the girl for over a minute trying to figure out if she was serious or not. She eventually gave his shoulder a shove towards the house and he took the hint and wandered back inside with her. Aerith, camera in hand, giggled loudly before closing the door behind them. Leon sighed and held his face in his hands.

_Don't they ever stop?_

_

* * *

_

Leon was not looking forward to his combat assessment. Physical abuse and causing death were not high on his priority list, to say the least. Plus, any show of strength was sure to alienate him even more. He trudged around the halls, attempting to find the right place he was supposed to be with little success. He knew there was a training area and that it was by the gym, but he couldn't remember where that was for the life of him. He ended up taking a seat on a bench in one of the halls and sighing as he thought long and hard about his surroundings. His thought processes were abruptly disturbed when someone plopped next to him and leaned against him. He looked over to find huge blue eyes framed in walnut colored ski jump hair staring up at him.

"Hi again!" Selphie squeaked. He hadn't missed that voice in the least.

"Hi."

"Why so down?"

"I'm not."

"You sure seem like it."

"I'm frustrated. It's different."

"Why so frustrated?"

"This place is a maze," Leon said grumpily.

"Yeah it is. Where do you need to go? I might know."

"Wherever the combat assessments are."

"Oh! I know where that is!" she said happily and jumped up from her seat and tugged on his arm. She yanked him down the hall and into the main convergence area with the elevators. She hurried along down another hallway until they met a series of tables where there were students taking information. Leon gave his to them and they handed him some more paperwork and a pen and sent him inside. Selphie tagged along next to him, jabbering on about things he didn't care to listen to. He ignored her for the most part and only grunted where he felt it was appropriate. He was more concerned with the training area itself.

It reminded him of an ecosystem dome. It looked to be a fully functional indoor jungle. Trees and plants stretched far up into the air before disappearing into the dark behind the light fixtures. The floor was concrete covered in dirt and mulch with a path scraped away. There were fences and things blocking off big chunks of the landscape with ponds and water features spread out amongst them intermittently. Vines and branches hung down and rocks and logs littered the ground making some areas more difficult to traverse than others. All in all, it looked to Leon more like a jungle that had grown to overcome an industrial park. There was visible signs of manmade structures littered throughout; covered in mosses and lichens. He couldn't focus on it too long though.

"You just couldn't leave it alone, could you?" barked Seifer. Leon had hardly a second to react before the other's fist collided with the side of his face, sending him backpedaling. He would've been able to stay on his feet, but Selphie happened to be in his way and they tripped over one another, sending them both into the dirt.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Leon roared back at him. He quickly scooted off Selphie and helped pull her up. The Carrier could do much else to help her as he was pulled into Seifer's face by the front of his shirt and shaken.

"You just couldn't stay away! You had to gawk at her and then make a move, huh?" the blonde sneered, giving the Carrier another shake. He didn't give Leon a chance to respond before he reared back and landed another punch right into the bridge of the brunette's nose. He hadn't applied nearly enough force to break anything, but Leon's nose did spurt a fountain of blood down his face. He had absolutely no idea what prompted it all but his human side stepped aside for a moment and let his Totem's instincts leak through. Suddenly there was another male in his territory, threatening his dominance, and he just couldn't have that. It didn't compute.

There was no kicking, or punching, or flailing around. Leon simply grabbed onto the wrists holding him in place, dug his fingertips into the tendons fastening Seifer's wrist and hand together and squeezed. Pressing on those tendons on a relaxed hand and wrist is enough to make the fingers curl inward involuntarily, but crushing them rendered Seifer's grasp virtually useless. Once he was let go, Leon immediately pulled his fist back and shoved it straight into the blonde's jaw. Seifer was floored with a loud pained cry. The squealing wail that came from him afterward sounded almost inhuman. His jaw was broken and hung from the bottom of his face unhealthily. Once he realized what he had done, Leon stopped himself and didn't advance any further. He pulled up the bottom of his shirt and wiped at his nose. It was ruined anyway.

People crowded around them both, including the girl with the eye patch and the large dark skinned guy Seifer had been seen traveling with when Leon first saw them. Selphie tried to get the Carrier to show her his nose, but he insisted he was fine. There was such a sudden whirlwind of activity around them, he could hardly focus. People were throwing questions at him left and right, overwhelming him with anxiety and sudden claustrophobia. He shoved himself through the crowd and hurried further into the training center, finding a few trees to sit behind, hoping for some peace. He felt awful. His nose was the least of his concerns, though. For as much as Seifer may have deserved the retaliation, Leon couldn't get past the idea that he had lost control. Because of his ineptitude, he seriously hurt someone. The guilt was more overwhelming than the crowd of people. He balanced his elbows on his knees and held his face in his hands as he tried to pull himself together.

"Are you alright?" chimed a familiar voice. Leon looked up from his hands to see Rinoa sit in front of him, her brow creased in concern.

"I'm fine," he said flatly.

"You're sure? You left really quickly."

"I'm sure. I just needed to not be bombarded by people for a minute."

"Should I leave?"

"No, I'm over it," he lied.

"Okay good because I wanted to explain."

"Explain what?"

"Why he started it. I broke up with him."

"Okay…"

"When he asked why, I told him I had been thinking a lot lately, which I have. He asked me what changed and then I mentioned that you and I had talked and… he sort of took it to the extreme. I really didn't say anything other than 'we had a conversation' but he's… paranoid or something. I don't know."

"Possessive," Leon corrected for her.

"That too. I'm really _really_ sorry. I knew he was mad, but he's only gotten physical with someone maybe once before. He yells a lot, but he's really not a violent person. I didn't think he'd start something."

"He must have cared for you a lot, then," he said. Rinoa pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them.

"I guess? I don't know. I told you that he's not mean to me, and it's true, but he's a completely different person once we're around other people. Like he's showing me off. Which… is sort of flattering but then he would blank out when we're alone, like I was just there and not someone he wanted to interact with. We talked and stuff but not much else besides that except the occasional kiss. We didn't really do anything together, go out, see people, anything."

_Why are you telling me this?_ Leon asked her silently. He was almost afraid to be by himself with one person anymore. Between Rinoa and Reno, the over sharing was a bit much. The silence that followed the girl's confession made the air awkward. Leon pushed a piece of mulch around idly.

"Sorry," Rinoa muttered.

"It's fine. I just don't know what to tell you."

"I don't really know either. How's your nose?" she asked. He tried to inhale through it, found he couldn't, and touched the side of it.

"Tender and swollen. How's his jaw?"

"…Gross."

"Oh."

"But it's okay. They're going to fix him up and he'll be alright in a few."

"Oh yes. That… healing shit happens here," Leon muttered to himself, running his fingers through his hair

"Does Esthar not have healing?" Rinoa asked, quirking a brow at him. Leon didn't have an answer for her.

"How did you know where I was from? I didn't tell you."

"Everyone knows. I also happened to deliver a bunch of information-filled papers to you, if you remember. I may have peeked."

"That sounds… slightly illegal."

"It is," she said with a shrug. Leon raised a brow. He decided he didn't care after a second and let it slide. All the information in those files about him was incorrect anyway.

"Okay well… I'm glad he's okay. I'm going to go back to my room," he said, wanting nothing more than to bury himself in a hole somewhere.

"Wait," she said, putting a hand on his arm and stopping him from standing. She looked unsure and chewed on the inside of her lip. "Do you think you'd like to go out and get coffee sometime?" she asked. Leon had no idea what to make of her request and didn't have the mentality to think about it. He needed quiet; time to gather himself.

"I don't think so," he said as politely as he could.

"W-why not?" she asked, sounding worried.

"Do you really need to ask? Your ex just attacked me for having a conversation with you. 'Going to get coffee' probably equates to 'wanton fucking' in his mind and I'd really like my innards to stay inside me, thanks," Leon spat.

"Okay," She clipped. She took her hand off his arm and he was quick to exit from behind the trees. He half expected her to follow after him and head in the other direction, or something that would indicate she _wasn't_ going to sit back there and mope all day. But she didn't, and it picked at him. He felt like he had stomped her into the ground by rejecting her and it took him all of two minutes to turn to mush and go back to see what her problem was. He poked his head through the trees again. She hadn't moved and was still hugging her knees and staring at the mulch emptily. He sighed.

"Are you going to stay back here all day?" he asked impatiently.

"Until I'm sure everyone's gone, yes," she said.

"…Why would everyone else matter?"

"Because being Seifer's girlfriend is damaging. I have yet to get anyone to like me because he's always around and no one ever separates him from me. So I'm waiting for everyone to leave because I don't want any more extra attention because of him."

"I didn't lump you two together."

"Not in a personality way, but he still influenced your decision. It's okay. I understand. You're completely right. He would probably get _really_ pissed if we did anything together. Talking like we are now is probably enough to toss him off the deep again," she said, looking up at him and giving him a docile face. Leon furrowed his brows.

"Are you afraid of him?" he asked.

"I'm not afraid that he'd hurt me or harm me physically, but I'm afraid of his words. Even if he's a dick, and only has a couple of _real_ friends, everyone listens to him."

"I don't think he gives anyone the choice," Leon said. She gave a curt laugh.

"That's part of it," she said. A short silence fell between them as the Carrier stewed in his thoughts. He resonated with Rinoa a little. Being social outcasts because of things they couldn't control probably wasn't the best basis to start a friendship over, but Leon really wanted someone he could related to. Even if she wasn't a Carrier, and her relationship with Seifer was probably more than he wanted to deal with, he couldn't deny that he knew exactly how she felt. Hardly anyone was lining up to spend time with him, either. All of his encounters so far had been by chance.

"Come on," he said, holding his hand out for her. She gave him a quizzical look.

"What?"

"You want coffee, right? I need to change my shirt, and I don't drink it, but I can go with you to get some if you want me to," he said. He couldn't decide if he was going to regret his decision or not. She stared at him with mild shock before she grabbed his hand and helped herself stand. She smiled.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **I'm so sorry this took forever. I've been ill since Friday. I'm getting better though.

* * *

Chapter 25

Leon spent a good forty-five minutes icing his nose before he changed his shirt and met Rinoa in the student café in the back of the cafeteria. His entire face hurt and he really didn't want to hang out with her by that point, but he had to keep his word; it's just wasn't a choice to him. Every pair of eyes he walked past felt like they were burning holes into him. He fought past the desire to find a cave on a remote island to live in for the rest of his life and plopped down at the table with Rinoa. She already had her coffee and it was half empty. She smiled

"I didn't think you were coming," she said.

"Sorry. Had to get my nose back to a manageable size," Leon muttered. The swelling had gone down for the most part. Now all that was left was the possible bruising.

"I'm really sorry about all of that."

"I thought we've already been over the whole apologizing thing."

"I know, but its habit."

"Well you can stop doing it now that you and Seifer aren't together."

"I was like this before Seifer."

"Oh?" Leon asked, interest mildly piqued. Rinoa's expression fell and she stared down into her coffee. "You don't have to tell me," he corrected.

"I'm just afraid you'd change your opinion of me," she admitted.

"We've know each other for all of an hour total between yesterday and today. I don't have an opinion other than you apologize too much."

"Promise me you won't judge?" she asked.

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure I want to know anymore."

"Well it's either you hear it from me or hear it from someone else eventually. You're not the only one with rumors flying around about you," she said. Leon sighed.

"Okay. I promise I won't judge," he said. _Unless of course you make a hobby of stomping kittens._

"My father is Fury Caraway."

"Pretend I don't know who that is."

"…Do you not live on this planet?"

"I don't pay attention much, sorry."

"You're serious?" she asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yes."

"That's… actually sort of refreshing. Okay, well, he's the General in charge of the Galbadia military."

"And that's bad?" Leon asked.

"It wasn't until he started taking bribes from Midgar. He…" Rinoa trailed, face turning ashamed. "Long story short: he assassinated the President, Vinzer Deling, and handed the country over to Midgar."

"Holy fuck," Leon blurted before he could stop himself. Rinoa's posture sagged.

"As you can imagine, I don't exactly have many friends."

"But you're here. It's not like you're still over there doing what he says, right?"

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't follow him. He's dead. Once Midgar got what they wanted, everything that held a mild allegiance to Balamb was… disposed of. My entire family history was dragged through the mud. I even had my last name changed to my mother's to try and get away but a lot of people know my face and… the reputation followed me. I've been apologizing for years," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. Leon was genuinely surprised she wasn't in tears. She obviously wasn't happy, but she wasn't broken enough to fall to pieces in front of him.

"Damn. I feel like an ass for thinking my issues were bad," he admitted sarcastically. "But the fact that you're here, instead of there, speaks volumes about where your allegiance lies."

"Well, I didn't have much of a choice. My mother took me here, to the city, when I was twelve and I didn't really understand for several years afterward, but the worry and the upset made her really sick. She died a couple years ago and I've been here at the Garden ever since. I met Seifer here and… blah blah blah… you get where I'm going with this. I didn't fully understand what happened until I got here though."

"So… you live here? Like permanently?"

"Right. I'm not a student," she said. "My parents and Headmaster Cid were good friends, as you can imagine with the whole military thing, so he did my mother a favor and promised to take care of me if anything happened to her."

"Interesting," was all Leon could think of in response. Rinoa shrugged.

"He and his wife Edea can't have children so they're more than generous with the parenting. I'm grateful, even if it hurts to stay here some days."

"At least you're safe. That's always a bonus."

"Yeah. That's true," Rinoa agreed. The conversation petered out after that and they shared a sort of melancholic silence between them. The girl finished her coffee and set her mug aside. Leon mostly paid attention to the floor, mind lost in a sea of thoughts. For as bad as Rinoa's story was, Leon couldn't help but think most of it was a good thing. Good for him, anyway. Had Rinoa's father not royally screwed over Galbadia, then Midgar would've never come in and drafted Sam. Sam wouldn't have met Anna, and as a result there wouldn't have been a Cloud. It was a roundabout bittersweet logic. What was bad for Rinoa and the rest of Balamb, worked out for him just fine. At any rate, Leon couldn't fall in line with the majority and hate the girl simply because her family made mistakes. Then again, he could just be a know-nothing foreigner.

"You don't seem like bad person to me," Leon said finally. Rinoa looked to him.

"Thank you for saying so."

"I need to take my assessment," he said. She nodded and stood.

"Do you remember where to go?"

"No idea."

"I'll walk you there."

* * *

The training center hadn't settled down very much in the couple hours Leon had been missing. The gossip circles were abuzz with excited murmuring that tripled in volume when he made his appearance. Rinoa followed him just about everywhere he went, which only made the problem worse. The Carrier was trying his best to keep out of the public eye but with the girl practically clinging to his personal space, it was nigh impossible. She didn't say anything, just stayed one step behind him. Leon was bothered by it. He was okay with talking to her, but he wasn't looking for a shadow.

"You're Squall, yes?" came an unfamiliar female voice. Leon looked over and was met with a stoic azure gaze. She was young, too young to be an instructor in his opinion, but her SeeD uniform depicted otherwise. It took him a second, but he recognized her from one of the pamphlets about the school he had flipped through. He didn't know her name, but her beautiful face and strawberry blonde hair were iconic. She wore it pulled back and folded into a neat oblong bun with the ends protruding out of the top with excess longer pieces loose and falling to either side of her face in the front. She pushed her glasses further up her nose and gave him a tiny, almost insignificant, smile.

"Uh… yes?" Leon blurted stupidly. Behind his back, Rinoa was scowling.

"Come with me. Rinoa, you stay here," the woman said, peeking around Leon's side and giving the girl serious eyes. Rinoa didn't say anything but backed off. Leon followed the other further into the training center. "I've heard a lot about you. I was the one that healed Seifer after your little rendezvous earlier. The damage was impressive," she said over her shoulder as they walked. Leon sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Not my proudest moment," he muttered.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. Physical harm isn't as much as an issue in this institution as it is in some other places. Now, had you attacked him and injected some sort of virus into him, then it'd be a different story."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, it's easy to heal a broken jaw. You can't heal diseases or things of that sort. You need to cure them, and curing is different from healing. Eden doesn't assist us with curing diseases. They're her method of natural selection, after all."

"Oh," Leon said. _Like this world needs any more dead people_.

"At any rate, your strength is impressive. I'm not above the gossip pool but I'm also well informed. I'm glad to hear it's not all chemically induced like my superiors thought it was," she said. They rounded a corner together and stopped in an open area where there were several weapon racks set up in a line. There were numerous blades, guns, whips, chains, bows, fat bludgeoning things, and some other indiscernible thingamajigs the Carrier would've rather not dealt with. He automatically hated every single one of them simply because of their purposes.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked unenthusiastically. She turned to him and raised a brow.

"Well first I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Quistis Trepe."

"Hi. You already know my name," Leon deadpanned. _Please don't make me tell you it. It's so awful._

"Yes. You seem… less than thrilled to be here."

"That's because I am."

"I don't expect you to enjoy fighting, you know."

"Good. Because I really don't want to."

"That's good. It says a lot about your personality. Good things. Too often we get students that come here only because they feel they have to or they're here to 'make Midgar pay' or some other nonsense."

"Well what other reasons are there?" Leon asked.

"Patriotism is a good reason to sign up. Defending your country because you love it isn't a bad thing. Vengeance, obligation, peer pressure, these things breed doubt. We can't afford hesitation on the battlefield. It's a double edged sword though, because we don't encourage anyone to take pleasure in hurting another but we want our students to be happy about being here. Sort of hypocritical if you think about it."

"What's the point of training for the military if you discourage the students?"

"We don't do it with the intent of demeaning anyone. But we have to be realistic. This war has been going on for so long that its original purpose has been lost. Students who join us with misguided intentions shouldn't be deceived into fighting a pointless battle. We aren't fighting to destroy or stop Midgar anymore. We're defending ourselves and giving our people as much time as we possibly can. Any other reason is foolish."

"Why do you continue if it's hopeless?" Leon asked. Quistis' expression turned thoughtful for a moment.

"A lot of people ask me that, and I have yet to give anyone a concrete answer. My personal belief is that we're doing it out of habit, out of fear, possibly even pride, but even then I can't say that it's an accurate assumption. We've gone long past the point of stopping though. It should've ended long ago."

"Glad we agree."

"Knowing all this, do you still want to be here?"

"I don't want to be here. I need to be."

"Why is that?"

"Because I need the resources you provide. I need to get to Midgar without actually becoming a part of its society. I… don't think I'd be able to handle living like they do," the Carrier admitted. Quistis raised a brow.

"I'll be honest and say that your reasoning is new to me. What's in Midgar?"

"…Part of my family."

"I was under the impression that you were from Esthar."

"I am, but the one I'm looking for is in Midgar. And this is the best way I can see to get over there."

"Once you find this person, are you telling me you're going to defect over to Midgar's side?"

"No. I plan on bringing him with me," Leon said. The conversation was quickly turning awkward as he realized how strange all of it sounded to an outsider. He wished he hadn't said anything. Quistis seemed a little confused still.

"And once you're back here… what do you plan on doing?"

"I'm… not sure. I haven't gotten that far," Leon said. He was lying. He knew full well that he would hightail it back to the Shumi village with Cloud as soon as possible. Whether or not they made a pit stop in Balamb was irrelevant.

"But your allegiance is with us?"

"Yes."

"You understand that if you turn against us, it gives us fair ground to eliminate you."

"…Yes."

"Good. So long as you remember that, we shouldn't have a problem. Even if I don't understand or agree with your mentality, I can't toss you out because of it. I just hope it doesn't create problems for us."

"I won't betray you," Leon said. _Unless leaving counts as treachery, in that case, sorry in advance._

"I should hope not," Quistis said. She turned to the weapon racks. "Does anything catch your eye?"

"Half this stuff looks like something you'd find in an S&M smut video," the Carrier blurted before he could stop himself. He slapped a hand over his mouth and gave the woman apologetic eyes. She laughed.

"There is good amount of leather isn't there?" she said, patting her side where a tightly coiled whip was fastened to her belt. Leon was thankful she had a sense of humor.

"None of it really grabs by attention other than the recognition. I've never held any of it before so I have to learn it all from scratch anyway. So… just pick something for me," he said.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. Like I said, I don't want to fight. But I have to."

"Fair enough," she said. She approached the rack that held a bevy of swords and pointed to the widest and heaviest looking one. "Can you lift this?" she asked. Leon went to her and grabbed the hilt and lifted it easily.

"Should I not be able to?" he asked. It was weighty, he would admit, but not so heavy that he couldn't hold it with one hand. It was rather awkward and he'd need to use both hands to wield it with any sort of proficiency, but just to hold it, one hand was enough.

"I wasn't sure. That's a sixty pound blade. Hardly anyone can just yank it off the rack like that without any sort of strain or falter."

"Does this thing have a trigger?" Leon asked abruptly, ignoring the woman's previous statement completely. The end of the blade was fashioned to be an oversized gun barrel similar to a revolver, the handle of which made the hilt with the trigger underneath. It was the most impractical weapon Leon could come up with and he didn't see any reason why it would be effective outside of it being big and pointy and threatening.

"Yes it does. That's a Gunblade."

"How aptly named. Does that mean if I strap a machete to a chainsaw I get a chain-chete? Because that could be equally as asinine and just as terrifying."

"…You know, mocking our methods isn't really the best way to get on anyone's good side," Quistis said flatly. Leon tried to stifle any excess humor he had wriggling inside him.

"Sorry."

"No you're not."

"You're right. But I honestly don't see how faceting a gun to the end of an obnoxiously heavy blade is going to make a better weapon."

"It doesn't function like a normal firearm. You can't aim and shoot it with any sort of predictable accuracy. It's meant for point blank last-option situations. Soldiers who use this have the added impact of pulling the trigger. It's a superior weapon to a normal sword because it takes more skill to wield and it causes more damage. We have regular blades if you wish to use those."

"I haven't decided. But if you can't aim it, what's the point?"

"It doesn't use normal ammunition like some of the other guns. It discharges… well the only similar thing I can compare it to would be a firecracker or something like that. They're combustion rounds that explode on impact."

"Oh. How pleasant. Not only do I get to stab people but while I'm at it, I get to disembowel them too. Wonderful," Leon said sarcastically. Quistis scowled and sighed.

"Like I said, it's a last resort sort of thing. It only holds eight rounds and it discharges two at a time, one from either side. If you're down on the ground and about to be overwhelmed, this is a decent alternative to being mauled. Gunblade users are on the front lines so it's not an unlikely scenario."

"The front lines?" Leon questioned, mostly repeating the words for his own benefit. He tried to make a quick decision on how he felt about that. Being on the front lines was more dangerous but it also meant he had less people to push through when he went to find Cloud. He still hadn't figured out a way to find the blonde once he got there, and he didn't know if they would actually meet in the battlefield in the first place, but that wasn't the issue. He couldn't let himself focus on that yet.

"I can't tell if you find that appealing or not," Quistis said with a disbelieving inflection.

"Sorry. I'm thinking too much. It doesn't really matter where I am, ultimately. Which weapon has the highest need? I'll just… take a place somewhere where I can be the most useful."

"You're holding it," she said, motioning to the Gunblade.

"Of course," he sighed.

"You're sure that's what you want?"

"Yeah… what's the difference?"

"I guess if you have no experience to start with, there isn't much of a difference is there?"

"Not really," Leon said, looking down at the weapon. He turned it from side to side in his hand with a tiny sigh. Quistis patted him on the shoulder.

"No one is forcing you to be here. I know you feel you can use us to help you achieve… whatever it is you need to do but maybe this isn't for you. Maybe you should reconsi—"

"No. I have to be here. I have to try. Just… try to forget I even said anything. I'm here to stay. That's all you have to worry about."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Quistis said, dismissing the rest of the conversation. "I need to take some measurements, assess your strength, run a few simple drills and then we'll be done. We need these statistics so we can get you a blade that is tailored to you, has the right balance, and gives you the most fluid use. Okay?"

"Yeah," Leon said unenthusiastically.

"Do me a favor and don't make me feel like I'm torturing you the entire time, please."

"Sorry. It's just… everything's sort of sinking in. I'm a little overwhelmed. I don't mean to be a downer."

"Alright. Well… so long as we can get started and head in the right direction, we can work on the rest. Let's begin."

* * *

Leon landed face first on his bed with an exhausted grunt. He may have had unparalleled strength, but that didn't necessarily mean he was in shape. Sitting on one's duff for twenty-five years studying and stalking horny blondes wasn't the best way to exercise. After an hour of strenuous testing under Quistis' watchful eye, he felt like his limbs were going to turn to liquid and ooze away. He couldn't bring himself to move so he lay there for a good twenty minutes. His computer was across from him on his dresser, closed, and ominous. He knew Cloud was leaving in less than a day and he wasn't sure he wanted to watch. Aerith's tears were sure to make him feel awful. Before he could make a decision on what to do, the computer started beeping at him, telling him Reno was trying to get a hold of him. He dragged himself out of the bed to answer.

"Hnng…" he grunted at the device.

"Well! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. It was good for me too, baby," Reno chuckled.

"What th—how was that in any way sexual?"

"It's what it sounded like on my end."

"It wasn't."

"I know. That's why it's a joke."

"Good."

"Anyway, how're things?" the redhead asked.

"Stressful," Leon said. He knew Reno was going to ask why, so he descended into a rant about everything he had experienced since they last talked. Rinoa, Seifer, his assessments, his physical, the rumors, and his social anxiety problems were all covered. Reno obliged him and listened to everything without making any comments until he was finished. The brunette felt like a prepubescent girl who was spilling her guts into a diary or bitching to her gaggle of equally prepubescent girl friends. Regardless, he felt substantially better after he got it all out.

"I'm surprised you actually told them what you're there for," Reno said.

"Why lie about it?"

"I suppose that's true, but it's bold. I don't think I would've just… said it. I don't know. Maybe I'm weird. Ah well, so tell me more about this girl."

"What about her?"

"You seem to know a decent bit about her."

"Only because she went off on a tangent on me."

"Sure," Reno said, his tone indicating his extreme amount of doubt. Leon ignored it. "What do you think of her, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like her?"

"I guess? I don't really know her."

"Is she cute?"

"I suppose."

"Then it's settled."

"…I don't know if I want you to elaborate."

"You're so sad," Reno sighed.

"Hey!" Leon barked, offended.

"Get your panties out of their knot. I was trying to encourage you to sleep with her."

"Is that all women are to you? Things for you to use and have sex with?"

"Not 'things' but yes, I have sex with them. I know where I'm headed so I can't make a commitment to any of them so… I guess I sort of use them because I have no intention of making a relationship out of a hookup. But it's not like I'm one of those guys that thinks women are beneath me or unsubstantial."

"I should hope not," Leon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest grumpily. Reno sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Forget about me for a second. I'm just trying to encourage you because once you get laid I'm sure you'll loosen up and feel _way_ better. It's awesome stress relief. Why do you think Cloud does it so much?"

"Because he's a teenager in love and he has a penis."

"That may be part of it, but I'd be willing to bet he does it primarily because it feels good. Doing things that make you feel good relieves stress. It's just the way things work. Have you ever had that full body feeling of _relief_? Like the weight has been lifted from your shoulders?"

"…No."

"That's a problem. At this point it doesn't matter what you do. I'm just encouraging sex because I know what I like but you could find a hobby or something if you want to. The point is to do _something_ to relieve some of that stress you pile on yourself because I can hear it in your voice, my friend… you're miserable. And that upsets me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Especially not to me. Just do something for yourself to get you out of this funk. You need something to smile about."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Good," Reno sighed in relief. There was a brief pause. "So how is Cloud?"

"He's leaving soon. Like… before today is over," Leon said flatly.

"Not happy?"

"Nervous."

"Understandable. Soldiers came through Gongaga and swept up Rude."

"Shit."

"Yeah. It's okay though. He may be upset but it's good for me; he's headed my way and Chelsea got left behind. The military knows he can read and stuff so it'd probably be a waste to toss him out to fight, so this is where I guess they're going to stuff him into guarding someone. I just have to figure out where so I can meet him there."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. You too. I have to get going. Every second counts but I just wanted to check in real quick."

"Okay."

"Take care of yourself, Leon. Seriously."

"…I will."

* * *

When Leon tuned in again, he was surprised to find Cloud and Aerith not naked. He thought for sure they were going to spend their last moments together with their genitals attached but it was quite the contrary. Cloud was sitting up in bed with his back against the wall. He was awake, but Aerith wasn't. She was wrapped around his torso, using his chest as a pillow and sleeping soundly. The blonde's arms were around her and his hands came to rest on the small of her back with his fingers intertwined, effectively keeping her in place. It was still early, and the sun was just coming up. But judging by the fatigued look on Cloud's face, Leon was willing to bet the blonde hadn't slept. It wasn't long before Cloud couldn't stand it anymore and woke Aerith up so he could move.

Somewhere along the line, Aerith ran out of tears. Leon was okay with that. The mood wasn't any less melancholic though. They did everything but use the bathroom together but they did it all silently. Hardly anything was said the entire morning. There wasn't much else to say, really. Once they checked and rechecked that Aerith had everything she would need for the kids the government was sending her, they rechecked Cloud's luggage. Once that was done, they had nothing else to do. They spent the remainder of their time together on the couch holding each other and being depressing. Leon watched them for so long, his mood dropped right along with theirs and he suddenly felt like he never wanted to get out of bed again.

The activity picked up when there was a knock at the door. That's when Aerith's tears decided to come back. Cloud had to pry himself from the girl in order to answer, and even then, she clung to his arm and followed him. Barret was the one behind the door, which surprised everyone. He had two children with him, which was even more surprising. There was a young girl who looked to be able five years old standing next to him and holding on to one of his fingers. The other was an even younger boy who was using the man's arm as a seat and was taking a snooze against his shoulder.

"Hey you two," the man said with a tiny smile.

"Hi…" the couple trailed in tandem.

"You ready?" Barret asked.

"No," Aerith answered for them.

"Probably not, and if I could keep you both out of it, I would. Believe me. I had to put in a lot of paperwork so that I could be the one to come here instead of some random military jug heads. I'm trying to help you out as much as I can. I owe Natalie that much."

"It's just you?" Cloud asked. Barret nodded.

"Just me. Well, and these two," he said, nudging both children.

"I'm surprised they're not babies," Aerith said.

"It's never a good idea to dump a bunch of infants on a new foster mother who has no experience. The government isn't that stupid."

"I feel better about this, then," the girl said. Barret invited himself inside. The little girl stayed glued to his side though. The boy didn't care and kept sleeping.

"This is Marlene and Denzel. They were found in the capitol and were apparently had in secret. Their mothers were hiding and… you can probably imagine what happened to them," Barret explained, wiggling his finger out of Marlene's grasp and urging her to go make acquaintances. She didn't make an effort to and ducked behind the man's leg. Barret sighed and handed Denzel off to Cloud so he could finagle the girl away from himself. Denzel didn't seem to mind and promptly started drooling on the blonde's shoulder. Barret eventually got Marlene to stand in front of him and face Aerith so they could meet properly. The little girl was not happy in the least and gave Aerith a sour expression.

"Hi Marlene. My name is Aer—" she tried to say as she knelt in front of her. She was cut off when the girl spat directly in her face. The older set was flabbergasted. Marlene didn't give them time to react before she stomped away into the house and took roost behind a sofa. Aerith went to wipe her face on a dish towel.

"She's a little traumatized," Barret muttered apologetically.

"I can imagine," Aerith said. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

"I sort of am," Cloud grumbled. The girl shook her head.

"Don't be. I hate to think about the things she's seen."

"If you insist."

"I do," she said, approaching him and holding her hands out for Denzel. Cloud handed him off and wiped the drool off his arm. Aerith didn't care about the drool and settled the boy against her comfortably. Leon caught the look Cloud was giving the girl. It was a sort of distraught yearning. Leaving was hard, but leaving after seeing Aerith look like mother was even more so. The Carrier didn't doubt that the blonde was contemplating a family right at that moment, even if the thoughts were premature for his age. Then again, if he was old enough to go off and kill someone, he was probably old enough to have a family. Leon didn't have a problem with that desire. He just had to figure out how to redirect that chain of thought into the right kind of family.

"Are you all packed?" Barret asked, pulling Cloud's attention to him. The blonde nodded. "It's time to get going."

"No…" Aerith whined. Barret patted her head.

"We have to."

"I'll be back," Cloud said sadly. Leon could see the disbelief in his eyes.

"But—"

"Please… don't make it harder."

"But Barret said he was going to help us," Aerith said, looking to the man in question. "This isn't helping!"

"Aerith…" Cloud sighed and rubbed his brows.

"I'm going to. Trust me. But I can't disregard this completely. I'd be putting us all at risk if I did that. So we need to go. Don't worry. It'll all work out," Barret assured. He glanced at the blonde. "Say your goodbyes. Where are your bags? I can put them in the car."

"On the other side of the table," Cloud said, motioning to the dining table. Barret peeked around the corner of it and spotted the bags and quickly whisked them outside, leaving the pair alone. Denzel was there still, of course, but he didn't count.

"Promise me you'll come back," Aerith ordered, eyes watering.

"I promise," the blonde said. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her a few times.

"I'll wait for you," she said. Cloud smiled.

"I'll wait too," he said.

_Oh boy…_ Leon trailed warily. He hadn't seen any evidence that Mako helped one's celibacy vows.

"I love you."

"I love you too. You wouldn't believe how much I do. Stay safe."

"I could say the same to you, you know. I think you have more to worry about than I do."

"I know but… I still want you to be."

"Okay," Aerith said. They ran out of things to say and ended up standing there staring at each other. They both looked like they would break apart into a million pieces. Barret eventually stuck his face back inside.

"Cloud," he said. The blonde glanced back at him a nodded. He gave Aerith one last kiss before pulling away.

"Bye…" he trailed. Aerith started openly crying, causing Denzel to stir.

_That kid is going to be horrendously confused,_ Leon thought. The girl couldn't get her vocal cords to operate properly and ended up wobbling outside after Cloud and Barret to see them off. The blonde hurried around to the passenger side of the very box-like car and shoved himself inside. Barret handed off a thick packet of papers to Aerith and took a few seconds to rub her back and try to calm her. Leon took the opportunity to toss his camera in the car. Cloud looked like he was dead. He was slouched so far down in his seat and staring ahead of himself with such hollow and blank eyes, it was worrisome. He didn't sit up when Barret came back. The man didn't say anything to him either and just started the car and headed off. They were out of Nibelheim in less than ten minutes.

"I'm not coming back, am I?" Cloud asked hoarsely. He pushed himself up and sat properly but is face stayed the same.

"Do you want the realistic answer or the one that might make you feel better?" Barret asked.

"I shouldn't have let her think that I am. It's selfish."

"There isn't anything saying that you'll never come back."

_I am._

"I should've told her to move on."

"Oh, now Cloud, don't say th—"

"No! It's true! She…" the blonde stammered. He looked down at his hands and traced the lines of his palm with a fingertip. His eyes started watering and his chin quivered. He suddenly looked like he was ten years old again, afraid and lost.

_Oh god, don't cry. If you cry, then I'll cry, and then everyone will cry and then I'll have to go out and buy us our own daytime soap opera and a box of tampons._

"She's going to wait… and I'm not going to come back… and… and she's going to be all by herself for who knows how long. I don't want her to die alone. She doesn't deserve that," the blonde squeaked as he slowly broke apart and started sobbing. Leon's heart burst into tiny bits as he watched his Charge's adult confidence and bravado chip away and leave behind what Cloud really was: a teenager that was scared out of his mind. The Carrier found himself wanting to do the same thing to the blonde now that he did when he was a baby; lock him in a safe box until it was time to leave. Barret leaned over and draped his arm around the blonde's shoulders and rubbed his arm.

"It'll be alright. I'm going to try my hardest to get you back home. You can't just assume the worst because things look bad. You have to be optimistic if you want to have any sort of positive result," he said. Cloud ignored him and continued on with his self pitying. Leon was about ready to dig himself a hole to hide in. He remembered what Reno said about relieving stress and finding something to do. The suggestion was hitting home for him. He could feel the tension in his shoulders and with no one to talk to, he didn't see an outlet. He let himself zone out as he watched Barret and Cloud's journey through the Nibelheim countryside. The blonde eventually cried himself to sleep and the ride to the airport was silent thereafter.

Cloud didn't talk much while on the plane either. He did get airsick though, which was something Leon had never seen before. But once that was over, he fell asleep again. When they landed, Leon was on the verge of passing out. He was exhausted and watching Cloud sleep was really not the best way to keep him up. He hadn't realized the night had passed and the sun was up again. That is, until someone knocked on his door. He begrudgingly hauled himself out of his bed and plodded through his dorm to answer. It was Rinoa, and when she saw him, she immediately scowled.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I didn't sleep," he deadpanned.

"What? Why not?"

"Distracted."

"Oh. Well I was wondering if you wanted to go to breakfast but I'm guessing you don't."

"Sorry."

"Can we catch up later? I want to know how your assessment went."

"It was fine. Not much to tell. But yeah… catch up later."

"Are you okay?" she asked, squinting and leaning in to give him a scrutinizing look.

"Yeah," he said. He knew full well he probably looked and sounded like the living dead.

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay…" she trailed suspiciously. She hesitated in the doorway, waiting to see if he would take back the refusal. He didn't, and she sighed. "I'll check in on you later. Get some sleep."

"Mhm," he grunted. She waved a bit and left quietly. He watched her leave, Reno's 'encouragement' swirling around in his head like an infection. He shook his head, grumbling to himself about how ridiculous the idea was and headed back to his bed. He could hardly focus on his computer screen; the image was distorting and doubling itself. He set his camera to follow and record Cloud before he settled in for some (hopefully) peaceful sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **Take THAT FFnet! I know how to circumvent your error messages!

* * *

Chapter 26

Midgar's main training camp was technically a branch off the capitol. It was part of the city even though it was relatively isolated, and rightfully so. The place was terrifying. It was big, dark, pointy, and threatening. The grounds themselves had no grass but had yard after yard of mud and dirt surrounded by paved surfaces that served various purposes instead. The buildings were little more than concrete cubes with holes punched in them for windows and doors. There wasn't anything keeping the elements from getting inside and they reminded Leon of the shacks in city's ghettos, just a little sturdier. Everything else, the facilities, the training grounds themselves, the obstacle courses, the fences surrounding the campus, all had something sharp on it. Barbed wire coiled around any conceivable method of escape, and there were guard towers dotted across the landscape making sure everyone acted as they were supposed to.

It was a prison; a very interment-camp-looking prison.

Through the fence, Leon could see an enormous base stationed in the far distance. The training camp itself was a separate entity than where they kept the actual soldiers who were ready for combat. For the time Cloud would spend at the camp, he wasn't anything more than a malleable glob of clay for the government to beat and mold as they pleased. Leon could see why they wanted sixteen year olds. They were young bodied, but even more so they were still mentally formable. He wondered when his Charge would actually see combat. His view of how the military worked was starting to change. Previously he had thought they just shoved a weapon in the kid's hands and pushed them into line. But apparently not.

Cloud's opinion of the place was obvious before he ever said anything. As soon as Barret pulled in through the gate, the blonde slouched in his seat again and peeked over the side of the door just enough to see out the window. He looked like he was on the verge of shitting himself. Leon didn't blame him; the atmosphere stank of unsavory things and was a stark contrast to the flower-lined hills of Nibelheim. The boys that were already there and wandering around all looked like they had been dragged through a series of thorn bushes and then starved for two weeks. Hardly anyone looked healthy or even soldier-worthy which really worried Leon. Barret seemed just as worried but patted Cloud on the back anyway, hoping to give the blonde a little bit of comfort. He parked them in front of one of the only buildings with windows and a door.

"I don't want to be here," Cloud said when they stopped.

"I know you don't. I don't want you to be, either," Barret sighed.

"How long do I have to stay?"

"Until you prove yourself."

"…What does that mean?"

"You'll understand when your C.O. gets a hold of you. Wait here. I'll be right back," Barret said. He got out of the car and went into the little building. Once he was gone, Cloud let out a pathetic childish whine and held his face in his hands. He was breathing quickly, but trying to calm himself. Leon desperately wanted to crawl through the computer screen and hold him. He felt awful for having such a nice place to live. He'd give up his room if it meant Cloud wouldn't have to stay in that place. Of course, it was unrealistic of him to dwell, but the feelings were there all the same.

There was a sudden '_thump_' against the side of the car that startled Cloud out of the pity party he was throwing himself. There was a pair of hands pressed up against his window in front of a dirty face. The boy was thin, almost sickly, and was out of breath. He had obviously run to the car and the desperate look on his face said that he wasn't supposed to be there. He started excitedly yelling at Cloud through the window. The blonde stared at him, stuck in his place and unable to understand. The boy was from Balamb and wasn't speaking his language, but Leon understood him just fine.

"_Please! Pop the trunk, open the door! Something! I can't stay here anymore!_" he yelled over and over again, banging on the window in a frantic attempt to gain entry. All the doors were locked, as they did so automatically, but Cloud was too startled and confused to figure out what the problem was. An indiscernible shout came from somewhere that caused the boy to turn and look up and over his shoulder. There was a guard tower several yards behind him and the guard there was obviously talking to him. The boy turned back to Cloud and his speech picked up more fervor. The man in the guard tower yelled again, the voice being too faint for Leon to hear or understand. Hardly fifteen seconds after that, there was a loud '_bang_' and the window exploded.

Cloud screamed in surprise but wasn't hurt. The boy from Balamb, on the other hand, had a hole in his head just above his ear. The bullet had exited out through his cheek and was currently buried in the dashboard of Barret's car. Leon was speechless and gaped at his computer screen as Cloud _freaked_ out and frantically tried to push himself backwards into the driver's seat, away from the bleeding head that was draped in the window. The boy had fallen in the car partially and was stuck in place by his armpits. Leon felt sick to his stomach. All he could do was stare at the blood. Barret was outside again quickly and made it to the car just as Cloud got himself pressed up against the driver's side door. The man unlocked and flung the door open just in time for the blonde to flop out. He crawled a couple feet away and promptly vomited.

"The fuck happened here?" Barret barked angrily. He bent and looked inside the car and swore under his breath. He jogged around the vehicle and yanked the body out of his window by the back of its neck and shoved it aside.

"Sorry about that sir! Send an invoice to General Strahl for the damage!" called the guard from the tower. Barret turned to him.

"The fuck you killing things for, boy?" he yelled.

"Hey! I'm just doing my job! He was trying to escape! Don't blame me for what the bitch can't handle!" the guard called back. Barret let out a grumbling sigh and shook his head. He went back around to the other side of the car and helped Cloud to his feet. The blonde was a shaking traumatized mess and stood there trembling like a leaf and staring hollowly at the ground. There was blood spatter on his face and chest and his hands had been cut from stray glass pieces. Barret quietly ushered him into the building. It was an office. There was a large desk with appropriate office-related supplies and papers scattered everywhere, several file cabinets, a coffee maker, some seating, a door to a bathroom, and a ceiling fan. Not much else was there. The man behind the desk had dark brown hair with graying streaks and looked to have seen a thousand wars.

"Eden's asshole, Barret! Look at this kid! He looks like he's going to sprout angel wings and float away. Look at those girly eyelashes," the man sputtered.

"He doesn't need your shit, Dyne. Are you going to help or not?" Barret grumbled.

"Hey, I have love for you like I love my brother but there is no way I can keep those vultures away from a kid like him. I'm only one man and I have a reputation, a job, and an obligation to this country. I can't risk looking soft and lose control of the situation just because you have a boner for some shrimpy girl-faced kid from the boonies."

"…What?" Cloud croaked, pulling his face from its frightened stare and giving Barret a leery glance. The dark skinned man sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Don't give the kid ideas, jackhole. He's a son to me before he's jailbait."

_You hardly know him, how is he your son?_ Leon thought. It didn't matter in the end. For all he knew, Barret could just be saying things to get whatever he wanted out of this 'Dyne.'

"Whatever. The point is I can try and keep him in one piece but he still has to do what everyone else does to get out of here. I have no control over what happens after lights out. I'm fairly confident our brood won't touch him but we have faggots from Balamb who are probably desperate for sugary skin like his," Dyne explained. He pushed himself out of his chair and walked around his desk and stood in front of Cloud. The blonde was still out of it and blinked dumbly at the man. "Hey. Wake up and snap out of it, missy. You need to stand straight and walk tall otherwise you're going to be pillow biting by nightfall, you got me?"

"I…what?" Cloud asked stupidly. Barret gently shook his shoulder a bit.

"Listen to him, Cloud. I know what you saw and how much it scared you but you have to push past it in order to keep yourself safe here. I can't stay and be your guardian. Don't let anyone think you have any weaknesses. Alright?" he asked. Cloud blinked a few times, taking the words in and nodded. Barret stepped behind him and pushed on the small of his back and pulled his shoulders, forcing the blonde to stand straighter. He patted his back afterward.

"This is a disaster," Dyne sighed, shaking his head. He stepped back to his desk and took up a folder of papers and flipped through them. "You know how to read, kid?"

"…No," Cloud said flatly, face full of shame.

"Okay. Count?" the man asked.

"Yeah."

_He does? When the hell did he learn that?_ Leon asked himself confusedly. Then again, he didn't know high his Charge could count. One through ten wasn't that hard to figure out. He did know that Cloud knew how to tell time, so at least there was that much.

"Good. Numbers are more important here anyway. You aren't exactly going to have time to read novels. You know how to drive?"

"No."

"Well you're going to have to learn at some point. Doubtful that you will before you leave here, but you need to all the same," Dyne said, flipping more pages.

_Oh good. Give the kid who can't read the keys to a tank. Perfect plan._

"What am I going to be driving that I need to learn? Doesn't that stuff take a lot of time?" Cloud asked, furrowing his brows together.

"The military likes their vroom-vroom toys a lot, kid. Everyone's been in at least one vehicle over the course of their training but only the really dedicated get to keep what they drive. Having a set of wheels in the battlefield is a huge advantage. You could just mow down people before you even have to lift a finger. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"I guess?"

"Glad to hear it. You know your right from your left, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then you can learn to drive. Directions and numbers is the basis. No big deal," the man said. He turned and set the open folder on his desk and pushed around some other papers, looking for something. He found an ink pad under one of the piles. "Come here," he said. Cloud did as he was told and the man took his hand and swiped the ink over the blonde's thumb. He tugged Cloud's arm down and squished a thumbprint onto the line at the bottom of a piece of paper. "Well look at that, your paperwork's all sighed," the man said, releasing the blonde's arm. Cloud scowled and stepped back.

_Glad to see he had a choice at one point_, Leon scoffed.

"Barret knows where your bunk is. He'll take you there. Someone will be around later to check your bags. Today you don't have to worry about doing anything but getting acclimated. Tomorrow you're up with everyone else though, so savor your lazy time while you have it. I'll keep an eye out for any additional riff raff coming your way, but you are pretty much on your own otherwise. Don't count on me to be there for you. If you think it's getting really bad, just remember that it could be three times worse if I stop watching so don't assume I'm not doing anything. But if you really feel you're being targeted, talk to me. If you do it too often, though, you're going to look weak and then it'll get worse. Understand?" Dyne asked. Cloud nodded. "Alright. I'll see you around. Stand straight. Good luck."

The cabin that Cloud was staying wasn't much more than a huge room with two rows of bunk beds and a large bathroom. There was no wall separating the bathroom from the sleeping quarters. There was a half-wall that partially hid the toilets, a couple of sinks, and a row of showerheads poised above drains. The complete lack of privacy was startling and made the act of joining the military even more of a punishment; as if being forced to put your life on the line wasn't enough of a kick in the face. When Cloud registered what the room was, he looked to Barret.

"You're not serious. There is no way this is okay. Why do they treat people like this? There aren't even any windows!" the blonde barked.

"This place is a test, Cloud. All of it is. The government doesn't want soldiers that will go off and do their own thing and defy orders. They want to break you and if you don't kill yourself first, that's what's going to happen. There's only two ways to get out of here. Obey or die. If you want to get out of here soon, I suggest you do exactly as they say when they say to do it. Everyone in this country does it. It's the price we pay for our freedoms."

"What freedoms? I've never seen any freedoms! They took me away from my parents and shoved me onto some woman who was _obviously_ sick and dying, and when I'm old enough for the tiniest bit of independence, they take me away from my girl and give me _this_? All because I have a dick? Seriously?"

"You have more freedoms than you think you do."

"Oh like what? Free TV? Who gives a fuck? If that's the only thing they give me then I may as well tell them to fuck off and I'll work for it myself. I don't have a problem with work. I have a problem with being treated like an animal."

"Cloud…"

"This is fucking bullshit!" the blonde spat angrily. There wasn't anyone else in the cabin with them at the time, and Leon wondered if Cloud would be shyer had there been new people around to listen.

"I know it is; which is why I'm going to work on getting you home. But you need to get out of here first before I can do anything. It doesn't matter what forms I fill out now that you're here. Like I said, the only two ways out are obedience or death. So you have to calm down and accept this for now."

"Why did you even bother coming to get me if your goal is try and keep me out of it?"

"Because I don't have the resources to prevent it. Only to make it end quicker. Hopefully."

"Why does the government do this? I don't understand," Cloud sighed, looking around at the beds. "I didn't do anything to deserve this. I don't deserve to die like this."

"You're not dying yet, kid. Don't assume so much."

"Well it's either die or obey right?"

"You don't plan on obeying?"

"I have a hard time believing a few sit ups and a couple of laps around the grounds are enough for them to think they have my complete obedience. You didn't see that guy that was shot before he was dead. He was _scared_. I don't want whatever it was they were giving him. So yeah, I'm probably going to die here," the blonde said. Barret sighed and rubbed his back.

"Do what you can to get out of here."

"Has anyone ever escaped?"

"Yeah, there has been. But for every one that gets out, hundreds more die trying before him, so I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Fine," Cloud deadpanned, finished with the conversation. Leon couldn't decide if the abrupt ending was Cloud deciding to obey, or to try and flee. He hoped his Charge wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Anyway, let's find you a bed," Barret said, walking further into the cabin. There were tags hanging off the bed frames; one on the top if the top bunk was taken and one on the bottom if the bottom bunk was taken. There were a few open bunks and Cloud took one that was furthest from the 'bathroom' but not in front of one of the open holes that made the windows. His was on the bottom. The space under the bed was his to keep his things and it was a big enough area for him to just slide his bags underneath. It made unpacking a non-issue because there was nowhere to unpack to. There were shelves above the bed for whoever was on the top bunk to put their things on.

"The fuck is this thing stuffed with? Leaves?" Cloud grumbled, pressing down onto the insignificant mattress on his bed. It crunched under his fingers and was hardly an inch thick.

"Quite possibly," Barret said.

"Should I assume they're all like this?"

"Yeah."

"Wonderful," the blonde sighed, taking a seat. "I don't know why anyone would volunteer to do this."

"The percentage of volunteers is low, I would imagine. Most of them are sons of well established soldiers so they start off cushy anyway."

"Were you drafted?"

"Yep."

"And you're still here."

"Yep. I earned by way out of this pit."

"What do they make you do?"

"Most of what they do is just physically demanding. Running drills, exercise, sometimes they use you guys like pack mules to carry things around town, but nothing horrible. They have tests periodically, though, which is where things get… difficult."

"Why?"

"They usually have you prove your merit by bringing in a prisoner or someone similar and… have you kill them."

"Excuse me?" Cloud asked, horrified. Barret shrugged.

"They're guys that are going to be offed anyway, and you're going out to the battlefield to fight and kill so the higher ups want to know that you can do it. That's why I said it's a test to be here. Everything you do here prepares you for what you have to do out there in the field. If you can't do any of it, you stay here until you can. That's how they know they have soldiers that will do what they need."

"…I don't want to be here."

"I know you don't. No one does."

"This isn't fair."

"I know. I was drafted and the soldiers that took me made a pit stop to rape my sister. How do you think I feel about all of this?" Barret asked. Cloud looked away from him, unable to give a story that compared. "I can do it, and so can you. You'll be all right. Work hard and get out of here so I can take you to see Aerith."

"Okay," the blonde agreed deftly.

"Is that Barry?" came another voice from the doorway that led outside. They both looked towards it where there was a tall spindly boy with short fluffy curly rusty brown hair and a beaming smile. He didn't have any shoes and his legs were covered in mud up to his knees. His clothing was tattered and torn in some places but he didn't seem to care. He was more concerned about seeing Barret.

"You're still here?" Barret asked, in disbelief. The other boy shrugged as he approached.

"Their 'prisoner' that they brought me when it was time for my test was a little kid and I couldn't do it. He had such huge blue eyes and was so scared out of his mind. I don't even know what he supposedly did but he wasn't from here, that's for sure. So, I get another six months. Whatever. No big deal," the boy explained. He looked to Cloud. "Who's this?"

"This is Cloud," Barret said. The boy almost burst into laughter but stopped himself and only made a quick snort.

"…Last name?" he asked.

"Strife," Cloud said flatly.

"Strife is better. We'll go with that," the other said. "I'd shake your hand, but mine are sort of disgusting at the moment," he continued, looking down at his grubby palms. "My name is Pierce."

"Pierce. Okay."

"Where's everyone else?" Barret asked. Pierce shrugged.

"Running drills. I saw your car and jogged over here so I could say 'hi.'"

"Not worried about your C.O.?"

"No way. I'm tired of his shit anyway. Whatever punishment I get will just help break up the monotony."

"Suit yourself. I need to get going," Barret said. He looked to Cloud. "You going to be alright?"

"I will be eventually," the blonde said.

"Okay. Remember what Dyne said. I'll be in touch," the man continued. Cloud nodded and Barret took his leave. Pierce waved to him as he passed and smiled at Cloud when he was gone.

"I need to shower before I can be more sociable. I'm really gross," he said, trailing off towards the showers casually. He started undressing and tossing his clothing on one of the beds at the end of the row, which was presumably his. Cloud scowled and watched him until the pants came off. Then he purposely started picking at the blanket on his bed. Leon was still in mild shock from watching someone die and bleed all over Barret's interior and couldn't think much. He knew he wasn't happy with Cloud's living conditions but he couldn't put together a string of words coherent enough to express himself.

_Ugh…_ he grunted at himself. It was about all he could come up with. Pierce was finished with his shower quickly and ducked out of the 'bathroom' and rifled through his things for a clean pair of shorts. When he was finished dressing, he helped himself to a seat on Cloud's bed and drip dried.

"So where are you from?" he asked cheerfully.

_There is something wrong with this kid. He shouldn't be that happy_, Leon noted.

"Nibelheim," the blonde said, still mostly paying attention to the blanket.

"Oh yeah? Way out there, huh? What's it like?"

"It's nice. Clean. Lots of plants."

"Ah. I've not seen a lot of plants. I mean, I know what they are and I've seen a couple of weeds and some grass, but I've never seen a flower before. Or a tree."

"Flowers are… okay," Cloud said deftly. Leon could tell he was making associations between flowers and Aerith without even meaning to. The colorful plants were reminders of what he was missing. The Carrier was almost happy that there weren't any flowers back home, simply because he didn't want them to keep the blonde constantly upset. He wondered if 'there aren't any flowers' would be enough of an argument for Cloud to follow him.

"Kalm used to be like Nibelheim. Or so I'm told. That's where I'm from, but it's pretty dead, a lot like it is here."

"I'm sorry. I'm not even asking you things and you're asking about me. I'm not trying to be rude on purpose. I'm just…"

"Overwhelmed?"

"That and upset."

"Yeah, it's not exactly a five star hotel here. No worries though. I'm not offended."

"Okay," Cloud said, finally pulling his attention from the mattress and giving Pierce a small smile. The brunette smiled back.

"You have pretty eyes," he said.

"Uh… thanks?" the blonde guessed, immediately suspicious. Leon raised a brow, the feelings mutual. It wasn't every day someone blurted out an abrupt compliment like that. Especially so if the participants were two teenage boys.

"It's nice to see someone and have them be a different color than what everyone else has. Starting tomorrow they're going to pump you full of Mako like the rest of us and it'll only be a month or so before they change color. Seeing something different reminds me of what mine used to be. Sorry, it was sort of weird of me to say something about them."

"It's alright. I can understand. They're really going to force me to use Mako?"

"Yeah. If you resist, they strap you to a table and _then_ give it to you."

"Oh."

"I take it you've never done it before?"

"Not really, no."

"That's not a bad thing," Pierce said, leaning back against the bedpost.

"All I know is it gives me headaches, but it's always been smoked around me so I don't know what… needles will do."

"Well let's hope for no headaches, yeah? If that's the case, and you have them, your time here is going to be _awful_. I'd pity you."

"Great…" Cloud sighed. "When do they give it to you?"

"Bright and early. Before breakfast."

"Fantastic," the blonde sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair. Leon's face started to hurt, he was scowling so hard. Pierce patted Cloud's shoulder.

"You'll be okay. Barry dropped you off. That means he went and got you by himself, yeah? He must have confidence in you."

"Is that what that means? I just thought he was fucking my sort-of mom and had an obligation towards her," Cloud said bitterly.

"He did the same for me, no worries. He was fucking my mom too."

"…Well that's not very comforting."

"Whatever. He served a few tours in the field and did a few rounds of working the city rotation rosters. Old habits are probably hard to break. I know if I spent five years helping the baby factories stay in business, I'd be hard pressed to stop just because the government had other work for me. I don't take it personally."

"I think I'd be less angry about it if she was still alive."

"Ah. Yeah. That'd sort of put a damper on how you see it."

"Yeah. Question?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do some people call him 'Barry'?" Cloud asked. Pierce made a thoughtful face.

"My mom called him that. She never told me to call him anything different."

"I was told to call him 'Barret.'"

"I have no idea, then," Pierce said with a shrug.

* * *

Once Cloud was asleep for the evening, Leon didn't have much else to do. He was tempted to crawl into his bed and read but he remembered how much Reno wanted him to get out. He didn't give two damns about Reno getting angry at him but he didn't want the ridicule that would follow for being such a recluse. So he decided to wander around and see what he could see. He somehow ended up outside and was enjoying the quiet and the trees when his peace was shattered by an overly high pitched and squeaky female voice. He saw Selphie running towards him with an armful of posters. The urge to run in the other direction was immense but he stopped himself.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself?" she asked, panting a little from her running.

"Walking."

"So you're not doing anything?"

"…I was walking."

"But you weren't accomplishing a specific task."

"…I guess not?"

"Perfect! Come with me," she said and grabbed his hand and started pulling him back towards the school. They didn't go inside, but they headed around to the other side where the outdoor eating and picnic areas were. It was essentially a large concrete area used for quiet studying and the occasional lunch on the tables and benches. There were a series of lusciously landscaped flower beds scattered around as well as a couple of small fountains. There was a small group of students, Irvine included, who were on their hands and knees pulling weeds from the beds. Selphie was more than happy to yank Leon over to Irvine and hand him a pair of gloves.

"She found you, did she?" Irvine chuckled, adjusting his hat.

"Should I be upset that she has?" Leon asked.

"Well so long as you don't mind being part of the Committee and like plants, you shouldn't have a problem with it."

"Committee?"

"The Garden Festival Committee. Though the festivals have fallen to the wayside and it's just 'The Committee' and we help maintain the campus."

"I'm determined to bring the festivals back!" Selphie squeaked.

"Of course you are, honey," Irvine said.

"I am!"

"I believe you!"

"I'll show everyone," she huffed and stomped away with her nose in the air. Irvine laughed a little under his breath and stooped down again to return to his weeding. Leon watched him for a moment to understand what was supposed to be pulled and what wasn't before he slipped the gloves on and started working as well. He didn't mind the work; it was better than wandering around by himself. Selphie was off in the distance actively handing out fliers and talking people's ears off.

"So did you come here willingly?" Leon asked Irvine.

"Sort of. Selphie asked if I would help her with something and brought me here, then I found a reason to stay," he said.

"What reason is that? Like flowers too much?"

"No way. Look," he said, pointing ahead of them. Across the way, working on another flower bed, were two girls. Both of them had extremely short skirts on and from where they were, both boys could see just about everything the girls had to offer. At least one of them had the grace to wear panties that covered her, unlike her friend and her useless string of a thong. Leon scowled, shook his head, and returned to his plants.

"I have half a mind to go over there and tell them to put on some pants," he grumbled.

"Oh come on, don't ruin my fun. That's what's justifying me ruining the knees of my favorite pants," Irvine said, lifting a leg and showing his dirt covered knee.

"Still. It couldn't be enough to just help Selphie? You need to have something like that to keep you around? That's terrible."

"Selphie's a part of it too. Hopefully once she's done being hyper about the Committee, she'll sit still long enough for me to ask her out."

"I have a friend you should meet. You two could write book."

"Oh? I am a lover of women, my friend. I can't help what I am. A lot of people don't understand my methods or my motivation, but I assure you I don't stray once I have one on my arm."

"That's good to hear," Leon said, a little relieved.

"You're strange," Irvine said. Leon gave him a disgruntled look.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well when I said 'a lot of people don't understand' I really mean to say 'a lot of women don't understand.' You're the first guy my age that seems… almost offended by me. I apologize in advance and everything but that comes off as strange to me."

"Why is it strange to have respect for women?"

"I'm… not sure. You're the first that's found my enjoying the view 'disrespectful.'"

"Well I'm not going to change my views so I can fit your mold, sorry."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Just making a friendly observation. You feel however you want to, I'm not going to think less of you for it."

"I'm just strange because of it."

"And if you are? Who cares? You do whatever you feel comfortable with."

"I'm going to," Leon said grumpily. Irvine gave him a leery glance.

"Sorry if I offended you."

"It's fine."

"…Okay," the other said, not entirely convinced. Uncomfortable silence fell between them as the work continued. Leon didn't understand how easy it was for others to objectify women and why it was bad that he didn't agree. He was tired of feeling like he wasn't going to fit in simply because he thought it was rude to ogle someone because of their choice of underwear and tiny skirt. Granted, he sort of felt like the girls deserved whatever negative attention they got from their clothing choices, but that didn't mean he was going to encourage it.

_Am I really that weird?_ He asked himself. Irvine abruptly snorted and started hurriedly picking at the weeds.

"She saw me looking," he laughed to himself. The girl in question approached them and stopped in front of Irvine and cleared her throat. He peeked around the brim of his hat up at her and gave her a sheepish smile. She motioned for him to stand and he did so, removing his hat. She frowned at him and backhanded him across the face. The resounding '_slap_' caught just about everyone's attention. Leon couldn't help himself and started laughing. The girl stomped away afterward and resumed her gardening. Irvine rubbed his cheek sadly and sat in the dirt.

"Serves you right," Leon said.

"Shut up. My ego is dead enough as it is; I don't need you to kick it too," the other sighed.

"What did you do?" barked Selphie as she made her way towards them again. She stopped in front of Irvine and glared down at him.

"She overheard something we were talking about and took it out of context. Don't worry about it," Leon answered for him. Irvine gave him a questioning look. "Right?"

"R-right," the other agreed, looking up at Selphie again. She made a thoughtful face, glancing over at the other girl and back at Irvine.

"Okay. But don't get the other members upset. Internal strife isn't going to help us when we have to plead our case to the Headmaster, yeah?" she asked.

"Yes ma'am. Won't happen again," Irvine said. Selphie nodded and took her leave, going back to pester more students to join them. The taller male sighed deeply and looked to Leon. "Thanks for not ruining that for me."

"You've been punished enough. I'm not here to ensure you never get a girlfriend," the Carrier said. Irvine smirked.

"Could've fooled me," he said and returned to his work, keeping his eyes on the dirt instead of the girls. Another forty-five minutes of idle chit-chat passed between them before they were able to move on to an entirely different flower bed and start the process all over again. This one was facing a wall of the school so Irvine couldn't get himself in any trouble, which was fine with Leon. After a little while over there, another pair of hands joined them abruptly. It was Rinoa.

"Hi there," she said, giving Leon a wide smile. "I'm glad to see you came out of your cave."

"I think I'm going to start over there, two people are enough to work on this one," Irvine muttered, almost angrily. He left quickly, which confused Leon a little but he didn't question it. Rinoa let out a sigh once the taller male was gone and continued picking at the weeds.

"Irvine isn't one of my fans," she said quietly.

_Oh yeah. Galbadia_, Leon reminded himself.

"I don't blame him," she added.

"I still don't understand why people blame you."

"Because people want someone to blame. It's always easier to point the finger at someone else. My parents are dead so the only other person available for the blame is me. Anyway, are you excited for classes tomorrow?" she asked, veering the conversation into neutral territory. Leon had nearly forgotten about classes. He shrugged.

"I suppose? I've never had a class before."

"…You haven't?" she asked confusedly.

"Here. Never had a class _here_ before," he amended quickly. _Oops._

"Oh. Well I can't imagine it's much different than anywhere else. A class is a class. They're a lot shorter here though, simply because it's only meant to inform. They don't teach you anything new per se, but they let you know what's going on and after a few hours you go outside and run laps and whatever else. Run drills, get sweaty, all that fun stuff."

"Exciting," the Carrier said. Rinoa shrugged.

"I only get to watch. I sort of wish Cid would let me join so I wouldn't be so bored."

"Even if you don't join us in battle I don't understand why you can't follow along. That's sort of stupid."

"Well, it's strenuous, and why damage myself if nothing will come of it, yeah?"

"Is it really that damaging?"

"It could be. It always has the potential to be," she said, pushing a pile of weeds together and picking it up in one clump to drop off the side of the bed. "I'm not part of the Disciplinary Committee anymore so I don't have much else to do. So when I heard Selphie going on about the Festival Committee, I figured I'd give it a try, and then I found you. So I'm okay with this."

"I'm okay with it too," Leon said. Rinoa smiled.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 27

Leon was surprised to see how much Cloud didn't seem to care about the bathroom situation in his cabin. He couldn't decide if the blonde was just that confident in his appearance or if he was dead inside and just couldn't bring himself to much else but stare at the wall. Cloud's face was blank, eyes hollow, and his body language was unexpressive. He wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings, ignored the other boys completely, and went about his business. The Carrier was used to the blonde talking more. Not being able to hear what he was thinking was painful.

Breakfast was bright and early, just as Pierce had said. All of the boys, even the ones from other cabins, filed into line and slowly streamed into a larger building that Leon assumed was the cafeteria. When it came time for Cloud to go in and join the meal, he was stopped and pulled out of line by one of the officers that flanked the door. He was led away towards another building. It was parked next to Dyne's office and was apparently fairly important; it had windows and doors. The inside looked a little like a doctor's office with the syringes, sterile tables, a large padded chair, and bright lights.

"What's going on?" Cloud asked confusedly. There was a man in a white lab coat fiddling with bottles with tin foil lids and the syringes. He had a file and was looking through the papers.

"Just a precaution," the man in the coat said calmly. "We do this with every new soldier we receive. The first few rounds of Mako are administered in here so we can gauge how you react and assist you if you need help. Nothing to worry about."

_My, how considerate_, Leon sighed.

"It makes me sick. I don't want any," Cloud mumbled, knowing he didn't have much of a choice.

"Does it? Well, we're here to make sure you're okay. Come now," the man said, patting the seat gently. The soldiers that had dragged Cloud to the building went to stand guard by the door. They gave the blonde a nudge towards the chair before turning to statues. The blonde looked conflicted, the first emotion he had shown all day. He eventually shuffled to the chair and sat, propping his arm up on the arm rest for the man to do with as he pleased. The man wasted no time injecting the sludge into him. The blonde winced and pulled his arm to himself when he was able to.

"It burns," he said. He frowned and rubbed his arm as the feeling traveled all over. The man watched him carefully, a notepad poised and ready to be filled. The blonde rubbed his chest with a scowl as his breathing sped up. He coughed a few times in an effort to try and regulate himself but it didn't help. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the seat. He held his head in his hands and leaned forward until he was nearly folded in half with his forehead resting on his knees. Leon's camera was on the floor and he could see his Charge grinding his teeth together as his pupils tried to squeeze themselves into slits. Sweat broke out on Cloud's brow and his eyes continued their epileptic fit.

"Cloud?" the man in the white coat asked, stepping around the chair and putting his hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"I don't feel good," Cloud whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head.

"Tell me what you feel."

"Angry."

"…Angry?" the man questioned confusedly. Leon didn't like that he sounded unsure. Cloud's reaction didn't sound typical.

"My head hurts, my teeth itch, and…" the blonde trailed off. He sat up slowly and leaned against the back of the chair. "And I'm totally going to throw up," he said a split second before he belched and projectile vomited onto the shoes of the soldier across from him. The distance was impressive, almost more impressive than the neon green color. Leon had never seen anything like it, and the fact that it flew out of Cloud was a major cause for concern, to say the least. The blonde spent a good thirty seconds coughing afterward, shaking and using the back of the seat for support.

"My goodness," the man in the white coat said calmly. The soldier by the door seemed less tame.

"That's all you have to say? That little shit stain ruined my shoes!" he yelled angrily. He stepped over the puddle and shook his foot, sending droplets every which way.

"Stop yelling," Cloud grumbled, holding his head.

"You got something to say to me, twat?" the soldier asked snidely, stepping to the blonde and grabbing the front of his shirt. He pulled Cloud off the chair and forced him to stand on his own two feet.

"Now boys… this isn't the place for this," the man in the white coat said.

"Fuck off old man, this kid has to learn his place!" the soldier spat, his voice reverberating off the walls and echoing. Cloud groaned and fisted his hair, head throbbing.

"Stop!" the blonde ordered, his voice turning malicious. The soldier raised a brow.

"Make me, princess," he said, giving Cloud a shake and dropping him. The blonde regained his balance quickly and without any warning, reared back and punched the soldier in the jaw. The other staggered, slipped on the almost glowing puddle on the floor, and landed on his back with a loud grunt. The blonde, face full of rage, was on him in an instant. He grabbed the soldier's hair and picked his head off the floor just enough to slam it back onto the tile with a sickening '_slap_.' Blood smeared the tile and dripped out of the soldier's hair when Cloud picked him up for another shove. Once. Twice. Three times he managed to smash the soldier's head in before the other soldier picked him up under his armpits and pinned him to the ground.

Leon was seeing flashes of Cloud from a little more than six years before. His reaction was similar to what he had when he was ten and Biggs forced Mako smoke up his nose. Granted, a ten year old body tweaked on smoke was a little different than a sixteen year old body tweaked on a straight injection. The Carrier couldn't tell how much damage Cloud had caused to the soldier but he wasn't moving. Cloud, on the other hand, was giving the second soldier a run for his money. He wouldn't stay still and was thrashing around trying to get away. The soldier managed to get him somewhat pinned before turning to the man in the white coat.

"You want to sedate him or something, doc?" he yelled. The man startled out of his fascinated daze and dashed over to a nearby cabinet. He rifled through its contents and came back with another syringe. He stuck Cloud while the soldier held him down. The blonde screamed and tried to escape, sounding and acting much like a caged animal that had reached its breaking point. Leon didn't realize half the noises Cloud was making were even humanly possible. His Charge started fading after about twenty seconds and was out like a light after another ten. The soldier and the man in the white coat let out a sigh of relief.

"It makes me wonder if this training camp is necessary for ones like him. I find that these cases get more frequent as I age; the rage, the sound sensitivity, the… colorful excretions."

"Wonderful," the soldier sighed, pushing himself up off the floor and going to check on the motionless one that lay just a few feet away. He felt for a pulse before pulling the other's head up by his hair and looking at the damage. There was a matted mess of blood, hair, and skull pieces dangling and dripping onto the floor. Leon's stomach churned and he looked away. The soldier sighed again and dropped the head, letting it land harshly. "Well what do I do with him?" he asked, pointing to Cloud.

"Clean him up and take him to his bunk. He's not going anywhere anytime soon," the man in the white coat said. The soldier pulled Cloud up by his arm and stooped to hook his arm around the blonde's shoulders.

_If it wasn't for the blood on his fingers and the barf on his pants, I'd say he looks so peaceful_, Leon noted. He followed the pair into the blonde's cabin where the soldier sought out his bed and tossed the unconscious Charge on it. Instead of cleaning him up like he was supposed to, he simply removed Cloud's pants and tossed them aside and dropped the blanket over him. The blonde's limbs were still mostly out of the bed and on the floor, but the soldier didn't care. He left.

Leon wasn't sure how long Cloud would be out for. He waited around for a couple hours, mostly paying attention to his books, before he needed to get to sleep. His classes started in the morning and it was going on lunchtime on the blonde's part of the world. None of the other recruits had come back yet, and the Carrier promised he would get up early and check in on his Charge. He mostly promised himself; he really couldn't do much for Cloud. He left the blonde, the image of his Charge drooling away on his pillow seared into his mind.

* * *

When Leon woke up the next day, nothing had changed. It was getting dark on Cloud's little piece of paradise and he hadn't moved. The drool puddle was huge though. The Carrier left the computer running and carted it around his dorm with him as he got ready for the day. He didn't want to leave. He was worried just as much as he was curious. He decided he would skip breakfast in an effort to catch something new. His efforts were rewarded when the other recruits came back to the cabin. Half of them poked and jabbed Cloud to see if he would wake up and when he didn't, they left him alone. The other half immediately piled into the showers and Leon had to find a new angle to see the blonde in so he could spare himself the forest of penises in the background.

Pierce was the one who paid extra attention to Cloud. He shooed the other boys away from the blonde and shoved his arms and legs in the bed with him. The curly brunette's hands were cut up and bleeding, but he didn't seem to care as he tucked Cloud in. Leon remembered him mentioning a punishment the previous day and it hurt to think what the older soldiers had him do in order to get so many cuts on his hands. Pierce seemed to understand what was happening with Cloud. He noticed the spreading purple bruise on the side of Cloud's neck where the sedative had been administered, and the blood on his fingers.

"Stop being queer for three seconds for fuck's sake," one of the other boys jeered. Pierce rolled his eyes.

"It's not queer to be worried about someone," he defended.

"Did you not see them carrying Jade out of the clinic? The guy can obviously defend himself. Getting your gay all over him is going to ruin what he's already accomplished," the other said.

"Just leave them alone," another boy said from across the cabin. Sounds of agreement mumbled through several more bodies. Pierce went back to the 'bathroom' and wet a rag. He came back and started rubbing Cloud's fingers clean.

_That's not completely creepy or anything_, Leon said sarcastically. Pierce wiped the blonde's face off when he was finished with his hands and pushed his hair around a little before leaving him and going back to his bed. The Carrier appreciated the gesture and care for his Charge's well being and everything, but he was suspicious. He didn't know what Pierce's true intentions were and silently told himself he would rip the creepy kid apart if he harmed Cloud in any way. He hoped for Pierce's sake that he wasn't allergic to teeth or claws.

The minutes ticked by, the recruits fell asleep, and the time of classroom escapades descended upon the Carrier much to his dismay. He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing, if he needed to bring anything, or what his classes were about, but he had to go anyway. He made sure he had his key before he grabbed his schedule and headed out of his dorm. The campus looked completely different in the morning light. The air was heavy with dew and smelled like spring. If the school's purpose and nature hadn't been so violent, Leon would've really enjoyed walking the halls and getting lost. So far, the Shumi people and the nature were the only two things he would miss when it was time to leave.

Once he found his classroom, that perpetual feeling of 'everyone's staring at me' bubbled up again. Thankfully, the desks weren't normal desks but long bench-like computer terminals. He would share a row with a couple of people, but he would be able to sink behind the screen and hide from everyone else. He took the emptiest row he could find, as far into the back as he could find, and plunked into a seat. He poked at his computer. It was archaic compared to the one he watched Cloud on, but it served its purpose with a simple touch screen and a bevy of options to find information with. He could hardly focus on what he was looking at as his mind was still stuck on worrying about his Charge. He didn't even notice when Quistis stepped in front of the class and started talking, or when Zell plopped into the available seat next to him.

"You look like you had a rough night," the less important blonde whispered in his ear. Leon startled and looked to him with wide eyes. Zell raised a brow. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," the Carrier deflected, folding his arms on the terminal in front of him and resting his chin on them.

"If you say so," Zell said, dropping the conversation. Quistis started walking down the middle isle checking off names on her clip board.

"Oh. You _are_ here. Good," she said, giving Leon a serious glare. "I would appreciate it if you sat up and paid attention," she added. The Carrier sat up properly. She nodded and left again. As soon as she was a decent distance away, Leon slid down in his seat and rested the back of his head on the back of his chair with a tired huff. He was achy and felt a little arthritic. His fingers hurt to move too much and his knees felt stiff. He knew he was tired, but it felt distinctly like his body was telling him he needed to change soon. He wasn't looking forward to it. He'd need at least a couple hours to himself but he didn't feel like he would get it.

The class was only a couple hours long. From what he could gather, it was somewhat of a history lecture on previously successful battle plans, strategies, and maneuvers. It was probably important, but Leon didn't care. He had too much on his plate to think about and it was catching up to him. He needed some way to relax a little before he went insane or his hair started falling out. Zell was mildly distracted by his dumpy attitude that morning and patted him on the shoulder a few times and gave him questioning eyes. Leon ignored him. Eventually they were free to go and mill around before their next class. Leon plodded out into the hallway and plopped onto a bench.

"Did something happen?" Zell asked, sitting next to him.

"I'm just tired," Leon said flatly.

"Obviously. But I get the feeling there's way more to it than that."

"Don't worry about it."

"But I'm going to."

"…Then that's on you."

"You're really going to keep it bottled up?"

"It's nothing."

"But it doesn't look like noth—"

"Zell. Stop. I appreciate the concern but it's really nothing," Leon insisted. _Nothing I can actually tell you, anyway._

"I still don't believe you, but fine. Be that way. I know a few people who will get you to talk. Or at least help you look less like a zombie whose puppy got kicked."

"Why is it such a big deal to you? Why the fuck do you care?" Leon asked angrily, furrowing his brows together in a scowl. Zell frowned.

"Because I care about people."

"Why?"

"…Because my mom raised me right? I don't know. I just do."

"Well stop it," Leon spat. He stood and left Zell sitting on the bench and headed off to find his next class. It was down the hall from the first one and he did the same thing he did hardly ten minutes before. He sat in his seat, way in the back, and let his mind drift. Zell wasn't in that class, but Selphie was. She didn't notice him hiding behind his computer terminal. She had come in after he did and sat in the front and commenced an explosion of girl-talk with the others around her. Throughout the entire class, Leon did nothing. By the end of it he couldn't even remember what it was about. He only had two classes that day but the rest of his time was to be filled up with training. He considered blowing it all off and crawling into his bed. Perhaps if he stayed there long enough, he would become one with his mattress.

"Squall!" called a familiar voice behind him. He turned to see Rinoa running towards him. She stopped a few feet away and walked the distance between them, a worried expression on her face. "Zell told me you aren't doing so well today."

"He said that, did he?"

"Yeah… I sort of believe him," she said. He was tired of pity and he was tired of trying to come up with excuses for himself. He didn't have anything to say to her that would make her feel better or ease her worries. He just shrugged and started walking away. She immediately scowled and jogged to catch up with him. She grabbed his sleeve and gave it a tug. He tried to gently pick her fingers off him but she persisted, looking up at him with a grumpy pout. He sighed.

"Stop it."

"I want you to talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. Please drop it."

"No," Rinoa huffed. She pulled him along by his sleeve through the hallways and back into the dormitory section of the campus. She wove through the halls even more and ended up in front of Leon's door. "Open it," she ordered.

"I have to get to… wherever it is I'm supposed to be training at."

"Open it."

"Rinoa, seriously. I have to go," he said, pulling his sleeve from her hand. She grabbed onto the front of his shirt instead.

"Open it."

"I'm not g—"

"Open it."

"Please just—"

"Open it!" she squeaked at him, her face twisting into a pathetic combination of worry and sadness. Her eyes started watering and her chin quivered a bit.

"You can't be serious," Leon sighed. Rinoa let out a sniffle and looked away, her shoulders starting to shake with her upset huffs. The Carrier let her carry on for a few seconds before he relented and pulled his keycard out of his pocket and unlocked his door. She pulled him into the room by his shirt. When she turned around again, her tears were gone and her face was straight and serious.

"That's what I thought," she said almost angrily. Leon glared at her.

"The fuck was that? That was a fucked up trick; kicking a guy in the balls like that. The hell is wrong with you? I thought I seriously hurt your feelings," he growled at her. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't blame me for you falling for the oldest trick in the book. We're here, so you may as well sit down and talk to me."

"Fuck you. I'm leaving. You are too," Leon said, turning for the door. He stood in the doorway so it wouldn't close and motioned for her to get out. She stood her ground, haughtily sticking her nose in the air, daring him to move her. So he did. He stepped back into the room, grabbed her around her waist and hoisted her over his shoulder. He stomped back outside and deposited her in the hallway and locked his door. When he turned around to head for his training session, she was in his face. She looked thoroughly pissed off and expressed herself by way of slapping him across the face. It startled him more than anything and he blinked at her angrily.

"Talk to me," she ordered.

"Hit me again. See how fast you regret it," he said, voice turning dark. He loomed over her, searing a hole in between her eyes with his gaze, stone-faced, and threatening. He didn't like the idea of hitting a woman, but he didn't see them as weak helpless individuals so he could quickly justify it if the situation arose. He was completely conscious of his thinking though, and knew that even if she did give him reason to hit her back, he would be in control of himself. But she needed to give him reason to. She didn't. She took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I was sort of hoping that would've snapped you out of whatever funk you're in and you'd think a little more about what I'm trying to accomplish."

"And what's that?" he asked grumpily. He stepped back and folded his arms over his chest.

"I was trying to get you to see that I'm serious."

"Serious about what?"

"Getting to know you and being your friend and helping you because you _obviously_ need it. I'm about two steps away from getting you a psych evaluation; to see if you're even mentally fit to be here. I don't think you are right now and I don't want you… going ape shit and killing everyone!" she said.

"You have little faith in my self control."

"No, I just don't know you. No one does. You don't give us the opportunity to get anywhere, either. It's almost like you're a robot and have no emotions or something. That's not normal. It's worrisome. Especially in an environment like this."

"I guess I'm a robot then. If you can't accept there are just some things I don't want to share, then you may as well just leave me alone and not worry about it," Leon said blandly.

"Is that really what you want? I can tell everyone else," Rinoa offered.

_No. I don't want to be alone, I just want to be accepted without a bunch of questions_, Leon thought. He must have been hesitating too long because she stepped into his line of sight and waved at him.

"Hello in there?" she asked. He didn't have an answer for her. Yes, he wanted the pestering to stop, but he didn't want to be completely alone. But he also didn't see much of an alternative with how persistent everyone was being. He was at a loss. They stared at one another quietly for several minutes before Rinoa took it upon herself to step forward and wrap her arms around his midsection and hug him tightly. He didn't hug her back; his arms were suddenly liquid and his skeleton didn't feel like it would support him anymore. "Please don't push me away like everyone else does," Rinoa said.

"I'm not trying to, but I'm tired of explaining myself. I need everyone to just… stop for a little while. Stop making me feel like I'm inhuman," he said. He felt vulnerable and he didn't like it. He wanted to crawl under a rock and hide until everyone forgot about him. Not having anyone of his kind readily available to him was torture. He wished he could just let everything out and have it accepted by the people around him like Reno did. But it was an unrealistic fantasy; he would just alienate himself more. He never thought that watching his Charge grow up and being an outsider to it would be such a burden. Rinoa was the closest he would get to someone who could listen.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were making you feel that way," she said, looking up at him. He shrugged.

"I wasn't exactly very forthcoming with it."

"Still. I feel bad."

"I'm okay, and you should be too. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," she said, sounding unconvinced still but she didn't push it. A pregnant silence grew between them and the situation quickly turned awkward. Leon cleared his throat.

"So uh… what's with the touching?" he asked. Rinoa's arms were still planted around him. She quickly let him go and stepped back.

"Sorry. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm not… I'm not sure what…"

"Just okay."

"Is that an 'it's okay to hug me' sort of okay or an 'apology accepted' sort of okay?"

"Both, I suppose," Leon said thoughtfully. Rinoa raised a confused brow.

"You're very strange. I'm not sure what to make of all this."

"This is my failingly awful and awkward attempt to be social. Don't ruin it for me completely. I already feel stupid."

"Oh. You need to work on that one."

"So I've noticed," Leon grumbled. "I'm going to go find my… training or whatever. Sorry this experience was… terrible. We can try again later when I'm less dead."

"Don't worry about training for today. I can talk to Headmaster Cid about it if you want to work on those people skills for a little bit."

"Are you my life coach now?"

"I could be. At the very least I would like to hug you again and actually have you hug me back instead of standing there like a tree."

"I sort of forgot to. Sorry," he said, holding his arms open a little, giving her the go-ahead. She stepped forward and hugged him again and he reciprocated. The moment was comforting, much like Tifa's hugs were, but he couldn't help but feel like it was a little more than that. Rinoa seemed to be listening to his heartbeat, something Tifa didn't do. Or Reno for that matter. She seemed to be trying to get something out of him as well, instead of just offering him comfort and someone to lean on. He didn't really know what to think about it.

"I wasn't hallucinating," she said, pulling back and sliding her hands around to his front and laying them against his chest.

"Uh… no you weren't. I'm not a figment of your imagination. I'm fairly solid," he said. She laughed.

"No. That's not what I meant. You're just really really warm and I couldn't understand if it was just me or if it was really what I thought it was."

"Oh. Should I apologize?"

"Of course not. I was just checking."

"Alright. What now, coach?" he asked amusedly. She smirked.

"That's a loaded question," she muttered. Leon's expression blanked and he suddenly felt like he stepped into a mud pit labeled 'what the who—what? Hurr?' Of course that was a bit of exaggeration but it was just about all he could put together. Rinoa didn't even acknowledge she had said anything that had completely derailed the Carrier's coherent thinking process and continued on nonchalantly. "I'm sort of hungry. It's about lunchtime."

"Lunch is good," he blurted stupidly, finally letting her go and stepping back. She smiled and started off down the hall. He watched her walk for a few seconds before following, keeping a befuddled eye on her for any other indication that his gutter-worthy thought processes were warranted.

She gave him none.

* * *

Leon ended up going to his after-lunch training session. As punishment for missing the first half of the day, he was forced to run laps around the school followed by enough push-ups to make his arms turn to jelly. Rinoa tried to insist to his instructor that it was okay, that some personal stuff needed to be taken care of and that Leon wasn't lazy. But every time she opened her mouth and said 'he was with me,' Leon wanted to stuff her mouth full of cotton to get her to shut up. Everyone was staring at him as his face turned redder than a tomato with the implications the girl was inadvertently spilling. He returned to his room for the evening, exhausted, and _very_ confused with himself.

He tried not to dwell on the day's happenings and focused in on his computer. Cloud was in the process of trying to wake up but still resembled an enormous slug as he oozed out of his bed and flopped his way over to the shower. He stood under the spray, occasionally needing to steady himself with the wall, and hogged the space for more than an hour. Other boys came and left, going about their morning routines, but no one said anything. Leon could see the looks though. The judgment they were passing on his Charge most likely because of Pierce, and if not him, then the blonde's sedation. He was thankful Cloud seemed relatively oblivious.

"Glad to see you're awake!" the curly brunette in question howled as he deposited himself in the shower next to Cloud. He leaned against the blonde and forced his attention.

"Please don't yell," Cloud muttered.

"Sorry. What happened yesterday? You were right behind me in line."

"I don't know."

"Really? Do you remember the line?"

"I remember getting up and getting in line. I remember standing around, and then I remember walking. That's about where it stops," the blonde said. Pierce scowled.

"Not a good Mako reaction?"

"I would assume so."

"That's a shame. You should see the side of your neck," he said. Cloud furrowed his brows and turned off his shower head and reached for a towel. Pierce's eyes made a beeline for the blonde's genitals and he openly stared at him for the entire time Cloud wasn't paying attention. Leon wanted to leap through the computer screen and throttle him.

_Keep your eyes off him. You try anything and swear I'll come after you. _He had never seriously considered taking a life before. He wondered how easy it would be after his training at the Garden was finished.

"What the fuck?" the blonde gasped as he held up a hand-held mirror that everyone used for shaving and inspected his neck. The bruise had spread to the size of a large orange with the puncture mark from the needle blatantly visible in the middle. He had another bruise in the bend of his elbow, but that one was much smaller.

"I know, right? Brutal," Pierce said casually. "You were out for the whole day."

"Out? I didn't do anything?"

"No, just slept."

_Is he lying to protect him?_ Leon asked himself. He knew Cloud hadn't just slept. He had killed someone.

"Oh. Was the C.O. upset?" the blonde asked, setting the mirror down and looking at Pierce's back. The other shrugged.

"Not that I could tell. Wish I had more to share."

"Yeah," Cloud agreed, rubbing the back of his head.

_I suppose it's alright that he doesn't remember_, Leon thought. The morning continued on just as the previous one had. Everyone got ready, filed into a line, and slowly made their way into the cafeteria for breakfast. Cloud was removed from the line and pulled to the tiny clinic. He was sat in the chair, restrained, and was given a shot of Mako, just as he had been given the day before. The same doctor was there in the same white coat, as was the not-dead soldier. The dead one was replaced with a live one, of course. Cloud had a very similar reaction as he had the day before. He got horrendously sick, writhed around in pain, and screamed like an animal when he couldn't get up and get the energy out of his system. It broke Leon's heart to see him like that, and with the man in the white coat simply watching him like a test subject.

Cloud was eventually sedated again and carted away to his bed, where his vomit covered clothing was stripped from him and he was tossed on his bunk like a piece of garbage. On and on the process repeated itself throughout the week. And then the next week. It had gotten to the point where Cloud couldn't even move anymore in the mornings and the doctor had to be called in to help him out of bed. He would be planted in the clinic for several rounds of fluids and a meal before being shoved outside with the rest of the recruits to train. Needless to say, his performance was less than stellar and he was forced to stay out longer than everyone else to rerun drills until he got them right. Leon lost count of how many times the blonde had to run the obstacle course.

His Charge started losing a lot of weight about a month into his training. He was losing it before, what with the vomiting and hardly eating, but it eventually got to the point where he _looked_ physically ill. His ribs were showing, his skin was papery and pale, his gums bled, and his eyes were discolored. Tendrils of blue were sneaking in between the flecks of hazel and green like poison. Leon hated them. He hated watching. He hated waiting. He hated being useless to his Charge. He wanted to act and steal Cloud from Midgar and wrap him in a substantial and warm blanket and tell him that everything would be okay. That they were going away from that awful plane, and he was allowed to eat and be healthy and _happy_. He missed Cloud's smile.

The blonde was broken. He didn't speak very much, he didn't eat very much, and he slept even less. He had Aerith's picture tucked in a little plastic pocket for safe keeping and Leon sincerely believed that was the only thing keeping Cloud from killing himself. The way the blonde stared too long at his razor in the mornings and how he studied the guards in their towers and the front gates of the training grounds were worrisome. The Carrier could see the dark place in the backs of the blonde's eyes that his mind was floating in; his psyche slowly crumbling away until there wasn't much left.

Pierce didn't change though. He was still as happy as ever and sat with Cloud and talked and talked and talked and talked about anything and everything. He watched the blonde like a hawk whenever they were in the same general vicinity. Leon would catch him staring. The longer it persisted, the more indecisive Pierce looked; like he was fighting with himself on whether or not to make a move. The curly brunette was totally aware of Aerith and the pictures Cloud had of her. She was really the only topic Cloud would actively talk about anymore and gave no indication that he was gay in any way shape or form, but it apparently didn't matter to Pierce.

Four weeks. Then six weeks. Eight weeks. Then ten. Leon's life was cushy and luxurious compared to Cloud's and he hated himself for it. He pushed himself as much as he could to work as hard as Cloud did, as if by some miracle they would switch places so the blonde could rest and recuperate. The Carrier's social life didn't improve much during those weeks. He just couldn't allow himself to be happy while his Charge was suffering so much. It just wasn't fair. Day in and day out, Cloud would either be pushed beyond his physical limits or would spend the day blitzed out of his mind in a puddle of his own vomit.

But then things changed. Cloud's reaction to Mako was still the same. He would get sick and vomit, but if no one did anything to him afterward, he wouldn't get violent. In those periods of mild lucidity, the doctors and the older soldiers would work with him, talking him through methods he could use to keep him in control. Meditation, mantras, simple calming exercises, pure concentration, all of it was tried, much to Leon's sarcastic amusement, but with marginal success. Cloud could stay in control, but his temper was on a hair-pin trigger and he could (and often did) fly off into monstrous rages, spitting the _worst_ derogatory language Leon had ever heard in his life while trying to beat the hell out of anything that came near him. The only benefit of all of that seemed to be that his body was adjusting to the Mako and allowing him to gain weight again.

No one messed with Cloud and when he was off the Mako, he couldn't understand why. He would lose huge gaps in time where he was so tweaked he couldn't remember anything. He never remembered flying off into a rage or hurting anyone. People would tell him what he did and he would insist it wasn't true, but Leon could see the belief in the blonde's eyes. He knew it was true but refused to admit it. But there was nothing he could do. Resisting meant force, and he was tired of having bruises on his neck and feeling like garbage for days at a time. So everyone just steered clear of him after a while, whether he was on Mako or not. The only person who spent any time with him was Pierce and Leon was convinced the only reason he stuck around was because he wondered how big Cloud's penis could get.

_Yeah, it's bigger than yours, so use your imagination and back the fuck off,_ Leon would think, silently threatening Pierce every chance he got. He was starting to scare himself with his possessiveness. But, Cloud was his Charge and no one else's. Whether the blonde wanted to be or not, it didn't matter. Leon wasn't giving him a choice. So by proxy, Cloud's penis was his too, and the Carrier _really_ didn't like the idea of unwanted hands touching his things.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 28

"I want you to be a good soldier, kid. I really do. If I had a thousand more of you, this war would be over in a heartbeat. You're doing all the right things but to all the wrong people. I don't know what that Mako does to you but I have seven bodies that I don't know what to do with. I'm not going to have any recruits left if you keep bashing faces in. You get me?" Dyne asked, almost pleadingly.

"Yes sir," Cloud said. He sighed, looking down at his hands and feeling the calluses he had developed over the months. There was a perpetual red stain under his fingernails from all the damage he had caused to his fellow recruits, and none of it looked like it was going to go away any time soon.

"What can I do to help you?"

"I don't know. I don't even remember most of my week."

"It's Monday, kid. The week just started."

"Oh. I thought it was Friday," the blonde said.

"You're serious?" Dyne asked. Cloud peeked through the wild pieces of hair that fell in his face and nodded sheepishly. "What month is it?"

"Uh… January?" the blonde guessed. Dyne frowned.

"Try March."

"…Oh."

"We seriously screwed you up didn't we?" the man questioned, mostly asking himself. Cloud didn't have an answer for him and kept his head low. Five months of rigorous training (also read as 'torture') had changed the blonde considerably; not only physically but mentally. He was at least three times stronger than he had started out as and just as fast, but all the athletic ability in the world wasn't enough to pick up the mental slack he was obviously losing. He was getting forgetful and often asked the same questions two or three times before he could remember the answer. Mostly his questions were superficial, what time it was, what was in his food, so on and so forth, but the idea that he would forget such simple things so easily really worried Leon.

Infertility, of all things, weighed heavily on the Carrier's mind as well. Cloud ate like a whale but the Mako had turned him into a bulimic without the eating disorder. He vomited at least four times a week, sometimes more, and the damage it was causing was obvious. His teeth weren't quite so healthy anymore, his lips were always dry and on the verge of bleeding, his gums bled if he breathed too hard, every burp brought something up with it, and he mentioned frequent heart burn. The constant fluctuation in weight and health was sure to be wreaking havoc on the rest of his body, his reproductive organs and hormones included. Leon knew there were other methods he could use to start his project, but it was still upsetting. He didn't want to hurt Cloud any more than he already was. No guy wants to shoot blanks; with or without children on the agenda.

Barret came to see Cloud a few days after the blonde's talk with Dyne. He wasn't happy with what he saw, but didn't say anything about it. Cloud didn't have much to say to him and stayed quiet for most of their time together. He woke up a little more once Aerith became the topic of conversation, though. She was doing well, had found someone in town to come help her with the kids, and was adjusting. She missed him just as much as he missed her, apparently. It was a very generic story, and Leon felt there was more to it than what Barret was saying, but at the same time he didn't want to know what was missing. Any negative impact given to the blonde at this point might push him over the edge.

"I can't go back," Cloud concluded. Barret scowled and looked at him like he suddenly sprouted a leg out of his forehead.

"The fuck do you mean? Of course you're going back. It's already scheduled."

"What?" the blonde asked in utter disbelief. Barret nodded.

"Your test is next week. You're going to hang around at the base for a few months to learn some stuff, but by September you're going to Nibelheim. The Shinra Corporation has plans for a Mako reactor to be planted in the mountains there and they need a squad of you guys to patrol around and keep the peace."

"But… a Mako reactor will kill all the flowers. Aerith likes flowers."

_It's comments like those that remind me how innocent he still is. God, what a waste his life has become_.

"I know she does. Not many people are happy about it but the government is cracking down because their resources are starting to dry up. War sucks up a lot of money and energy and they're in it to win it, so there's no backing down. Balamb has them stopped in their tracks and they haven't had any advancements in a while."

_Oh, do we? I suppose I should pay attention more._

"Well… whatever. I still can't go back. Not after the stuff I've done here," the blonde said, shoving a piece of dirt around with his boot.

"Why do you say that? She's waiting for you."

"She shouldn't be. Even if I do get to go back, I wouldn't be with her. I can't. Not with these hands," he said, looking at his fingernails. Barret punched him in the shoulder.

"Stop being a pussy. So you killed a few guys," he scoffed, waving a dismissive hand. Leon scowled. "Would it have been any different if you had just been tossed into the field on a pile of Balamb soldiers? You'd still have blood on your hands before you got to her again. Why cry about the tiny details?"

"That's… sort of twisted, Barret. Is it really supposed to be that easy?"

"Yeah. That's why you're here; to learn how to be a soldier and to learn to push past anything that can hold you back. Don't be ashamed of the things you've done; they're your purpose, your duty and obligation to your country."

"I'd feel differently if they hadn't been on our side."

"How many of them were from Balamb?"

"Five? I think," Cloud said, furrowing his brows together in thought.

"See? You did everyone a favor."

"…If you say so."

"Balamb soldiers are ten times as likely as our soldiers to go AWOL. As far as I'm concerned, you just prevented the inevitable."

"Really?" Cloud asked. Barret smiled and nodded. The blonde thought about it and continued to kick the dirt around. Leon could see the uncertainty in Barret's eyes. He was trying his hardest to make Cloud feel better at the risk of looking like a homicidal maniac himself. The realization made the Carrier feel better. Any sort of good news that lifted his Charge's spirits was always acceptable, even if it was creepy and he didn't agree with it. Most of the boys at the camp were from Balamb, so the chances of the majority of Cloud's body count being Balamb soldiers were remarkably high.

Once the blonde felt a little better, Barret left again with promises of seeing him after he passed his test.

* * *

"S-so… you think you can pass?" Pierce asked nervously, shuffling back and forth in his place. Cloud was having another off-kilter day and had spent most of his time in bed. Pierce had deliberately skipped out on training to come see him, which meant they were alone together. Leon wasn't happy. Cloud had spent the previous thirty minutes regurgitating his story to the curly brunette with a blank face and dead tone of voice. He often talked with little emotion when he was high off his gourd.

"Yeah, sure, cakewalk," the blonde said flatly, rolling over in his bed and giving Pierce his back to look at. The other boy's expression fell. He was indecisive and chewed his bottom lip anxiously.

"So that means I should pass my own so we can transfer together, right?" he asked.

"Whatever."

"Do you not want to transfer together?"

"It doesn't matter."

"But we're buddies, right?"

"Sure," Cloud grunted, smashing his face into his pillow and obviously trying to forget the other boy was there. Pierce rounded the bed and crouched down next to the blonde's face.

"Cloud…" he trailed, waiting for the other to look at him. Hardly anyone called Cloud by his first name. Three quarters of the other recruits didn't even know it. The usage got his attention.

"Hmm?"

"You know Aerith probably isn't really waiting for you," Pierce said.

_You got a death wish, kid? Where the fuck did that come from?_ Leon questioned confusedly. Cloud scowled and picked his head up to look at the other boy fully.

"I don't want you to go back home and be heartbroken. Maybe it'd be better if you didn't go back. That way you'd save yourself a lot of hurt, you know?" the curly brunette continued. Cloud was glaring at him, burning a hole through his skull. The blue that had taken over his irises made his eyes much more threatening, but Pierce didn't back down. "And then you'd be a lot happier and could move onto other…options."

"Options."

"Yeah."

"Such as?"

"Well… what about… not girls?" Pierce mumbled, cheeks turning red. The straight and unchanging face Cloud stared at him with was almost comical. It was an expression that said 'are you _fucking_ serious?'

"And who do you suggest I do all that with? You?" the blonde asked snidely.

"Please?"

"No one likes a beggar, Pierce."

"Well it's just that I've thought about it a lot and you probably haven't. I wanted you to be aware of my intentions," the curly brunette said, scooting a bit closer. His face was earnest and Leon could tell he was getting his hopes up. "It wouldn't be much different for you, really. And… I'd always be there. You wouldn't have to worry about me straying away."

"Like Aerith probably is, right?"

"Y-yeah."

"And if I refuse?"

"Please don't. Give me a chance first," Pierce said, reaching forward and touching Cloud's forearm. The blonde immediately smacked it away and sat up, turning away from him. Pierce's face immediately switched to desperate worry. He hurried back around to the other side of the bed where the blonde was standing and attempting to get away from him. "Don't leave," he said.

"Get away from me. I don't want anything you're offering me," Cloud said, face blank. Pierce cleared the distance between them, brows knitting together pleadingly. He took the blonde's hand and pressed the palm to the front of his pants, he shuddered.

"Just a little. Please," he asked huskily. Cloud ripped his hand out of the curly brunette's grasp and took a step back. Pierce matched his step, forcing the blonde to take another. After a couple more, Cloud had backed into the wall. Trapped, Pierce seized the opportunity and pressed them together, grinding his pelvis against Cloud's. He leaned down to bury his nose in the blonde's hair and take a deep inhale. The entire scene from the moment Cloud stood up took less than fifteen seconds, but it was long enough for the blonde's patience to run dry. He shoved Pierce away. The force was enough to make the curly brunette falter and flop onto his back. Cloud didn't give him a chance to regain composure and quickly dropped on him, pinning him to the concrete.

"I don't know at what point you decided I'm gay but even if I was, I wouldn't go for a pathetic shit like you. You're weak. Disgusting. Not worth my time, my energy, or my dick. Do you get that now?" the blonde growled, leaning in close so Pierce had no choice but to hear.

"I'm sor—" the curly brunette choked as Cloud grabbed onto his throat. Pierce started to panic and kicked his legs weakly while his fingers tried to pull Cloud's hand open. In an effort to keep himself somewhat sane, Leon started chewing on his thumbnail anxiously, desperately hoping Cloud would snap out of his anger before any permanent damage was done.

_I didn't want this much. Stop,_ he silently pleaded.

"It's revolting faggots like you that keep this war going. You and Balamb just don't know when to back off. Your kind keeps me here, away from my girl, and then you try to force your nasty habits on me when it's _obvious_ I don't want any part of it!" Cloud roared, squeezing with all his strength. Pierce was gradually turning purple and his choked gasping was slowing. "You beg me to take you like an animal and expect me to have any fucking respect for you? Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore. Hell, I'm doing you a favor and saving you a useless life filled with loneliness and desperation."

Leon couldn't watch. He left his computer in his bedroom and started pacing in front of his couch while chewing on his fingernails. He was trying his hardest to not care and remember that Cloud was completely different when he wasn't on Mako. If the blonde was in his right mind, there was no way he would've gone as far as he was. But he already had a body count trailing behind him, what was one more? Surely there would be an even longer trail by the time they met. So long as Cloud didn't enjoy doing it once he was himself again, the Carrier supposed he could deal with it. He just had to train himself to not get caught up in it all; the worry and the upset he felt was starting to take its toll.

When he felt comfortable going back in and watching again, he found Cloud already in his bed again. Pierce wasn't anywhere in immediate eyesight, but a quick peek outside confirmed his fears. Pierce was dead, left in front of the cabin with his face planted in the mud. For as much as Leon really didn't like him, he still felt bad. Everything about him turned out to be relatively pitiful. The Carrier understood sexual preferences as things that humans were born with. If he put himself in Pierce's shoes and thought about the situation he was in, Leon couldn't say that he wouldn't have eventually broken down and tried something desperate as well. Pierce didn't have any companions outside of what little civility he got from Cloud, so the Carrier could understand the appeal of trying for more.

His lifestyle was getting to the point where it was almost painful to be by himself. Sure, isolation made changing to his Primal form and keeping his privacy relatively easy, but there was a massive void in his life that had nothing to it. Cloud had Aerith even if they were separated, and Leon had planned on filling the emptiness with his family but the wait was torturous. It always had been. He couldn't help but feel envious of what Cloud and Aerith had. He didn't know what he could do to help himself that wouldn't end up hurting him later on. Making that sort of connection with someone would make leaving again extremely painful. He was lost.

* * *

"Squall?" Rinoa's voice piped from the other side of the door the next day. She knocked for what seemed like the millionth time in the last three minutes.

_That's not my name. Go away_, Leon grumbled to himself. He picked up his t-shirt from the previous day and pulled it on before going to find a pair of pants. Once dressed, he fumbled out into his common area and answered the door groggily.

"Good morning?" Rinoa asked.

"It's morning?" Leon asked deftly.

"Not really. It's actually about noon. Did you _just_ get up?"

"It's Sunday."

"So?"

"It's Sunday, which meant yesterday was Saturday and I stayed up really fucking late. So yes, I did just get up," he said. In reality, he hardly slept because he was too busy anxiously thinking about Cloud and staring at his ceiling. But Rinoa didn't need to know that.

"Fair enough. I was wondering if you wanted to go out and get some lunch and like… some sun. You've stayed in your cave for the last three days."

"I'm glad you noticed."

"So I take it that's a 'no'?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"No."

"Wait, which is it?"

"Yes that is a 'no.' I'm in a really foul mood. I'd rather spare you my negativity and crawl under a rock somewhere," he grumbled. Rinoa scowled.

"I worry about you, you know. You never smile and you're never happy."

"I have a lot to stress over. I'm sorry I worry you, but I can't change it. Just let it go and save yourself a lot of headaches."

"I want to help."

"I know you do. We've had this discussion before."

"And you still won't let me."

"I don't even know what you could do for me. It has nothing to do with you personally."

"Still…" she said sadly. Having any sort of relationship with anyone was turning into more of a burden than Leon had ever anticipated. He constantly felt guilty for not making anyone happy to be around him, but there wasn't anything he could do to change it. He would've loved to have a friend that didn't worry about him, just so he could have their companionship without any baggage attached. He sighed.

"Whatever you think you can do to help me you're free to do. I honestly can't think of anything but I'm not prepared to go out of my way to accommodate whatever plan you come up with, either. I'm just telling you that now."

"Okay," she agreed. He relented and stood aside so she could come in. He locked the door once it closed and trudged back into his bedroom and flopped face-first onto his bed again. She watched him curiously. "You're going back to bed?"

"Yes. I'm half dead."

"Okay… what would you like me to do in the meantime?"

"Like I said, that's all on you. But I really need to sleep before I can attempt to be social otherwise I might end up breathing fire and chewing on people," he said, rolling onto his stomach and hugging his pillow to his face.

"Alright," Rinoa said, standing awkwardly in the doorway. She stayed there for a few minutes, thinking, before she decided on something. She went to sit on the couch to remove her shoes and then came back to his bedroom. Without asking, she climbed into bed with him, straddled his hips and used his butt as a seat. Leon's eyes flew open in surprise and he was immediately uncomfortable with where things were going. But before he could turn and protest, Rinoa pressed her hands into his back and started kneading. Once she ran over a particularly tight knot under his shoulder blade, he suddenly didn't care that she was sitting on him anymore. There was something to be said for the simple pleasures in life.

He didn't remember falling asleep. All he knew was when he woke up again, he felt substantially better. Being able to notice improvement in his mood was comforting; it reassured him he wasn't going insane and was capable of feeling something positive. Another thing he noticed was that he was extremely warm, borderline uncomfortable. That was because, for some reason, Rinoa had parked herself in his bed with him and was snoozing away as if it was completely normal and not creepy. Of course, for Leon, it wasn't completely normal and was creepy as hell.

_I have a couch and another bed she could've used. Why the hell is she in here?_ He asked himself confusedly. His alarm clock told him it was past two, which meant she had been next to him for over two hours. _That doesn't make me feel better._

"Hey," he said, jabbing her in the forehead with his index finger. She flinched and pulled away, furrowing her brows together. She opened her eyes and frowned at him.

"What was that for?" she asked sleepily, rubbing her eye.

"Who gave you permission to sleep with me?"

"…What?"

"That… that came out wrong," Leon muttered, rubbing his brows with a sigh. "You know what I mean, though."

"Yeah, but it still threw me for a loop. Sorry."

"Well whatever, the question still stands. I don't remember inviting you to drool on my pillows."

"You're not the only one in the world who stays up late and takes naps, you know. You fell asleep and as a matter of convenience, this is where I ended up. For the record, though, I had been using your ass as a chair for almost a half hour beforehand so I honestly didn't think I was invading your personal space."

"Where I come from, there's a nursery rhyme that involves some random girl sleeping in other people's beds. Bears were involved and they weren't happy about it."

"Are you telling me you're a bear?"

"I could be," Leon grumbled and pushed himself up. Instead of taking his discomfort seriously, Rinoa decided to laugh.

"Okay Mister Ferocious-Bear. I'm sorry for falling asleep in your bed. You look better though."

"I feel better."

"Good."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back into place. "So about lunch."

"What was your plan again?"

"Finding something to eat and walking around town, mostly. Window shopping and getting fresh air and stuff."

"And stuff."

"Yes. Whatever we come up with."

"I see."

"You don't sound very thrilled. You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I'm just trying to figure out a polite way to get you to leave so I can shower, brush my teeth, and change my clothes."

"Oh. Well okay then. I can come back in an hour."

"That's fine," Leon agreed. Rinoa giggled and scooted out of his bed and made her way out of his dorm. Once she was gone, he felt like he could breathe a little easier.

* * *

"You don't eat very much," Rinoa noted, pushing the remnants of her salad around. Leon shrugged.

"I can't eat much. A lot of things make me sick so I have to be very selective."

"Oh."

"Did you think I did it on purpose?"

"Sort of."

"If I could eat a wider variety of things without spending the rest of the day in the bed, I would. Believe me. Eating the same things day in and day out is very boring."

"Aw, that sucks. I'm sorry," she said. He waved a dismissive hand and the conversation died. He was silently thankful for Rinoa's annoying pushiness. Getting out into the sun and smelling the salty air that wafted in from the port was an amazing remedy for cabin fever. He hadn't realized how cooped up he had felt. He just blamed all of his stress on Cloud.

"Finished?" he asked when he noticed Rinoa paying more attention to the view down the street than she was her dish. They were sitting outside at a little café that was just off the port. It was hardly a two minute walk before they'd hit the boardwalk. Consequently, the fish Leon had eaten was like a baked orgasm for him. He missed his fresh fish something fierce. The food at the Garden wasn't terrible, but it was a far cry from home cooking (or lack thereof as the case may have it).

"Yeah," Rinoa said. Leon took it upon himself to take their dishes back inside and pay their tab. When he met the girl back outside she was giving him strange looks.

"What?" he asked.

"You didn't have to pay. I would've covered my end."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it," he said.

"Okay. But give me a chance to protest next time so I don't feel like a complete mooch."

"Alright. I'll make sure to signal when you're supposed to start complaining."

"Good. I'll keep an eye out," she said, laughing a little. They headed out of the café together and out onto the sidewalk. The roads reminded Leon of the roads back home. There was hardly enough space for a car to fit down them without smacking into the general public, so people tended to do a lot of walking. As a result, the majority of the shops were on narrower streets whereas the hotels and residences were on the wider streets because people needed to cart things back and forth with their cars to those places.

The pair spent the better part of two hours wandering around and occasionally stopping to stare at window displays. Rinoa did most of the looking; taking her time to inspect every shoe and accessory she came across. Leon mostly watched the people. He noticed there were a lot of dogs. Or rather, people walking dogs. Every now and again one would stop as it passed him in order to sniff his leg with extreme interest. Usually it ended in the owner's apology while they tried to drag the animal away from him. It was amusing as much as it was embarrassing. He knew he probably didn't smell like a normal person to them. He was thankful humans were oblivious in that regard.

"Aw! Look at the puppies!" Rinoa cooed, pressing her face up against a pet store window. Tumbling puppies of all colors and breeds rolled around together in a large open window display. Leon was willing to bet most of the people stopped and had the same reaction Rinoa did. She even went the extra mile to grab his hand and pull him inside the store itself so she could get even closer. Leon wrinkled his nose, immediately assaulted with the scents of countless animals mixed with various cleaning agents. The worst was the animal food. He didn't even have to be near it to know where it was.

"I take it you're a dog person?" he asked, standing next to Rinoa as she leaned over the wall that kept the puppies at bay. An entire mob of yapping fur had migrated to her and a dozen tongues were waggling around trying to lick her fingers.

"I love dogs," she said distractedly. She pulled herself back and looked around thoughtfully. "I wonder if someone will let me hold one," she said.

"Have fun with that," Leon said.

"Don't want to join me?"

"No thank you."

"Oh… okay," she said dejectedly and made her way over to the checkout counter to pester one of the clerks. Leon wandered off to see what he could see.

_This is almost insulting_, he told himself, picking up a can of cat food as he walked by. He turned it over in his hands until he found the ingredient label, nearly vomited when he read the first line, and then put it back. He felt bad for whatever poor unsuspecting kitten would end up eating it. He wove through the aisles, scoffing at asinine toys and supposed 'enrichment' material cats were expected to play with. Coming from a Totem that was centered on a cohesive unit of family, he didn't think the tiny plastic mice and wiggly feather toys were necessary. Several cats grouped together could entertain themselves just fine with something to scratch and a ball to smack around. They sleep eighty percent of the time anyway.

At the back of the store, there was a wall of little house-like shelters. Each unit was connected to another one by way of a carpeted ramp or a hole in the wall, making the entire thing one giant playhouse. As if to further prove his point, most of the cats that the enclosure contained were piled together in one three foot section snoozing the day away. The few strays that were wandering around were either heading back to the pile, eating, or relieving themselves. Thrilling. There were holes punched into the plastic walls just big enough for him to stick a finger in and give a sleeping body a scratch. The cat jolted awake and whipped its head around to look at him. He nearly melted when he saw its startling gold eyes. He immediately wanted fifty to take home with him.

"Did you want to hold one?" asked a clerk that apparently had the ability to materialize from nowhere.

"Yes," Leon answered before he could even think about it. She smiled.

"Which one?"

"The black one right there," he said, poking the cat he woke up through the plastic. The clerk dug in her pocket for her keys and went through a door that led into a small area behind the enclosure. She unlocked a back panel that slid open behind the area where the cats were sleeping and dug the black one out of the pile. She closed it again, came out from the back area, and led Leon over to a tiny cubicle-like place he could sit in and play with the cat without worrying about the animal escaping into the rest of the store. He decided to sit on the floor versus the tiny bench he was offered and was handed the cat. The clerk left afterward but didn't stray very far.

"It seems we have come to an impasse," Rinoa piped, peeking over the cubicle's wall at him.

"Why do you say that?" he asked casually without looking at her. He was way more concerned about cuddling.

"You're a cat person and I'm a dog person. I don't know if we can be friends," she joked. She came around to a side where they could see each other. "That's cute," she said. Leon raised a brow and looked at her finally.

"What?"

"You're smiling," she said. The Carrier hadn't realized he was.

"I have the ability to," he said, turning his attention back to the cat.

"I was beginning to think you didn't."

"Sorry to dash your hopes then," he said sarcastically, squishing a paw between his thumb and index finger gently, feeling the fleshy pads underneath. Cat feet were the cutest kind of feet in his opinion. Then again, he supposed he was a little biased.

"I'm glad you proved me wrong," she said with a smile. The clerk allowed him to sit around for about twenty minutes with the cat before she said she needed to take him back. Leon almost cried. Not literally, but there tears were there on the inside. A few more pets and a couple of licks on his fingertips later, and it was time to say goodbye.

_I'd lick you back, but that might be sort of weird._

"I should get you twenty cats and just… staple them to you so you'd smile all the time," Rinoa quipped as they left together.

"Don't need staples," Leon said, looking to her. "You are _covered_ in dog hair, by the way," he said. He could've told her she smelled like a dog but he felt that would've been a bit rude. She looked down at her shirt and brushed at the hairs with little success.

"I didn't even think of that," she said. She scowled at him and his apparent lack of cat hair. It was there, Leon knew, but holding a black cat while wearing a black shirt had its advantages.

* * *

"So we should do this again. Soon," Rinoa said as they headed down the main dormitory hallway together.

"Which part?" Leon asked.

"All of it was okay with me. I know you didn't appreciate me sleeping next to you but it was alright in my book."

"It was just unexpected. I've been by myself for so long it's hard for me to remember that people are allowed to spend time together, regardless of what they're doing."

"So I've noticed."

"I'm working on it," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry I'm not the easiest person to be around."

"Why are you apologizing? It was fun. I enjoyed myself."

"Oh. Really?"

"You don't believe me?"

"Well I—"

"Don't be like that. No, you're not perfect, and it took me a little bit to wade through the negativity to see something I liked, but its there. I wish you'd see it too."

"Thank you. And… I'll try," he said, feeling somewhat childish and a little like he was being scolded. Rinoa wasn't convinced and grabbed his arm and tugged him so he leaned towards her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"I like you, so there isn't any reason you shouldn't like you too," she said. She left him standing in the middle of the hallway, dumbfounded. Her room was a few steps away and she disappeared inside before he could pull himself together again. He continued on towards his room, confused, and doubting himself more than ever. He was paying attention to the floor more than he was anything else and someone ended up bumping into his shoulder. He turned quickly to apologize but then stopped himself.

"Oh. It's you," he said flatly, glaring at Seifer. He was travelling by himself, which was new. His little posse was hardly ever far from his side.

"Well don't sound so excited."

"You must have misheard me, because I was pretty sure my tone of voice held nothing but displeasure."

"Whatever you say, fairy. Have fun with that piece," Seifer said snidely, motioning towards Rinoa's door. "She's a little loose but I'm sure it would've felt that anyway, even if I hadn't been there first."

"You're disgusting, you know that?"

"Why? Because I speak the truth about things I'm _intimately _familiar with?"

"No, because you can't say anything without insulting someone else in the process. All it does is give you an ugly character; you're not impressing anyone. And it's really no wonder she left you if that's how you talk about women. I don't even understand what she saw in you in the first place," Leon said. Seifer laughed.

"Well she obviously liked it. She hung around long enough for me to break her in, anyway."

"And only just, right? Once she got tired of your gherkin, she saw a better example of a man in an anatomy book and realized what a mistake you were and what she was missing out on," the Carrier said. Seifer's face lost a bit of its condescending smirk as he tried to figure out what Leon had implied. Then the brunette realized that Seifer probably had no idea what he was talking about. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "A gherkin is a tiny pickle, about two inches long at most. Men in anatomy books tend to have small genitals because the focus is on the body itself versus what's below the belt. I was calling your penis small, dumbass."

"Tch. Don't think I knew that?"

"No, I honestly didn't. I'm obviously wasting my brain cells on you," Leon said, turning to leave. Seifer glared at his back, huffing a puffing angrily to himself, but didn't act on it and headed off in the other direction. Leon shook his head all the way back to his room.

He was over the encounter quickly and wondered what he should do with the rest of his day. He had tried calling Reno on multiple occasions but the redhead hadn't picked up in a long while. Leon assumed his friend was making progress with Rude. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to tune into that scene. He could be mentally scarred for life by the images that would accompany various noises. But before he could decide, there was a knock on his door. It was Rinoa. She abruptly shoved herself into him, wrapping his midsection in a hug.

"Thank you," she said.

"You're welcome? What for?"

"For defending me."

"You heard that?"

"I sometimes hear Seifer's voice when he isn't in the room. Yes, I heard you two."

"Oh. Well… it wasn't a problem," Leon said. _I'll just ignore the fact that she hallucinates hearing things._

"I'll make it up to you," she said, pulling away enough so they could see each other comfortably. The Carrier scowled.

"What? No. That's not how it's supposed to work."

"I don't think you know how much it means to me that you stuck up for me. I can't remember the last time someone did that."

"Which is even more of a reason for you to not feel obligated to pay me back."

"That makes no sense."

"Sure it does. Because you need to get used to it. I'd do it again if I had to. Hopefully I won't need to, but after a few times it shouldn't feel like such a novelty and it can just be… normal; which is what it really needs to be like. You don't need to pay people back for having a positive opinion of you. Just accept it and don't change for the worse," he said. Rinoa's eyes started watering as she stared at him. He immediately felt like he had just stabbed her. "I'm sorry, did that not come out right? I totally meant that to be positive."

"It was… I just... I'm not used to this," she said shakily. She reached up and hugged him around his neck. He hugged her back with the hope that she'd stop crying and confusing the hell out of him. "This is the best birthday ever," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"…It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell me?"

"…I told you I'm not use to this. I didn't think it mattered."

"Sure it does," he said, pulling back. "I would've gotten you something."

"You did. You bought me lunch."

"Oh… I suppose I did. Well that turned out better than I had expected," he said flatly. She laughed, pulling away and looking up at him again. He wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb and she smiled. "Are you okay now?" he asked.

"I was okay before."

"The tears sort of threw me off. I'm awful with this, if you recall."

"Awful at what? Being nice? Lies."

"Awful at understanding, I guess would be a better way of putting it. I don't read people very well. Having to actually do it is new for me in a lot of ways."

"…Have…have you never had a girlfriend before?" she asked, squinting at him skeptically.

"Um… no."

"…Huh. That comes off as weird to me."

"I'm not really sure what to say to that."

"Don't worry about it, it's just an observation on my end," she said. She picked a piece of fuzz off his shirt idly. "How about… I'll work on accepting positive reinforcement, and you work on reading people. We can help each other and see what comes of it. Is… is that okay?"

"Sounds okay to me."

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "I need to think about some stuff… but I'll come back later. If you're available."

"You know where to find me," he said. She nodded with a small smile and stepped back into the hall so his door would close. Leon hadn't noticed when it started beeping. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and ran his fingers through his hair, wondering if what he was doing was an okay thing to do. He felt guilty, but he didn't know why exactly. He chocked it up to saying goodbye to Rinoa eventually and possibly hurting her. But even as he thought about it, that conclusion didn't feel accurate. But what did he know? Not much about people, of that he was certain. He startled out of his thoughts when his door popped open again. It was Rinoa again.

"And for the record, Seifer and I never had sex."

"What—Oh! Oh that. Whatever."

"He's never so much as seen me with my socks off; I honestly don't know why he feels he's a professional on my vagina."

"…Rinoa this conversation just went into uncomfortable territory."

"I'm just saying!" she squeaked, throwing her hands in the air and turning to leave. The door slid closed again with a very befuddled Leon on the other side.

_What the __**fuck**_? He asked himself.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: **Sorry for the epileptic update schedule. Starting to work more and I have less free time.

I have mixed feelings about that. I like free time, but I like monies just as much. Ah well.

**_Warning:_** This chapter turns gory by the end.

* * *

Chapter 29

"So did you get your dick wet yet?" Reno asked earnestly, sounding a little too giddy for Leon's tastes.

"Why the fuck do I even bother calling you?" he asked grumpily. He didn't appreciate the lack of proper greeting followed by the immediate invasion of his personal life.

"Oh come on! I didn't talk to you for months after hearing about this cutie you have hanging around; forgive me for thinking you weren't completely dense and actually got somewhere with her. I just assumed you were that cool."

"Goodbye, Reno."

"No wait! I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

"Yeah I am; I just wanted to be happy for you. So what's the matter? What's stopping you?"

"Why do you assume there's something going on between us? Am I not allowed to have female friends?"

"If you expect me to believe the 'just friends' crock, then you obviously don't know me well enough," Reno said with a huff. Leon sighed.

"Nothing is stopping me, but we haven't even kissed properly yet so it's not exactly something I can leap into without coming off as… well, coming off like _you_."

"Ouch. You wound me with your words."

"You know it's true."

"Yeah, I know. But no face sucking, really?"

"Reno, we established this… dating situation less than two days ago. Give me a minute, okay?"

"Yeah fine," the redhead sighed. "I want details though. Big fat juicy details."

"No."

"You ruin my fun so readily. You're a terrible friend."

"I don't feel the need to give you a play-by-play of what I do with my relationships, alright? That's my own business."

"Well, I have no problem with sharing. I'm generous like that."

"_Wonderful_," Leon grumbled sarcastically. "Does that mean you've met up with Rude?"

"Yes I did! Sort of. He's aware that I'm alive."

"Well it's a start. Does he live in your apartment complex or something?"

"No, I actually moved out of there. But when the soldiers came for him in Gongaga, they kept him around for a while before shipping him off to the Shinra Corporation. The president there, Rufus, apparently needs guards. But I guess he has higher standards or something and likes his help to be semi-educated instead of brainless soldiers. Which, if you're a big shot like him, isn't really a bad idea. Anyway, Rude hung around there for a bit and I went and applied. Then I had to stay there, too. There were a few other applicants and the company grouped us together and we had to take a few tests."

"Tests? Like written tests?"

"There were a couple if those; real basic stuff. But then they had the physical tests. They had us lift stuff, see how fast we could run, if we had any fighting experience, again, really basic stuff. Of that group, Rude and I were the only ones with any potential, or so they said. Then the others were kicked out and we were assigned to live in this… I don't even know how to describe it. It was sort of like a hotel room but a prison. We each had our own rooms and we weren't allowed to come out, or have any contact with anyone."

"For how long?"

"Almost five months. They explained that the work we would be doing was really important and may be top secret, so they needed to see our contacts. Apparently they wanted to isolate us to see who came looking for us. Rude's parents know he probably isn't coming back and I'm… well you get it. So apparently we're hired. I just got my computer back today. I was about to call you when you called me. Good timing."

"Wow. That all sounds so weird."

"Well the Shinra Corporation is a huge company. They're the guys that make the Mako reactors and run the power plants. You could imagine Rufus Shinra has a lot of enemies. If his company falls apart, the war would most likely end. Not a lot of people realize that."

"It's tempting for me to go off and mention it to someone here."

"Don't, dude. That's not why we're here."

"I know. I'm sure Balamb isn't that stupid either," Leon said, slouching in his seat.

"Maybe. I honestly don't know or care. I have my goal in sight and that's all I want to focus on," Reno said.

"Me too."

"They relocated me to the Headquarters and I get to bum around while Rufus is here, and work when he needs to leave. So like… I have to train a little every day but other than that, I get to do whatever. My room is nice. A lot like a fancy hotel room but with a little kitchen area added. There's only three other people aside from me and Rude who work as Rufus' body guards. A lot of the time while we're working, we're watching him to make sure he's okay. He has geostigma real bad."

"Oh really? Does he have all his affairs in order? I would imagine it would be a problem when he dies otherwise."

"Honestly? I have no idea. I would assume he does. He doesn't have any kids though, no family, at least none that I've seen. Again, it isn't my concern. I'll do my job while I'm here, but otherwise, it's secondary."

"Right. That's not a bad way to be."

"I'm glad you agree. Something I've noticed, though, is there is a lot of military activity in the Headquarters. I sort of expected more politicians or government people, but there are a _ton_ of soldiers just wandering around. There's actually a legit prison under the building. Maybe that's why they're here, but I really don't know what kind of prisoners they would keep here. You'd think they'd have somewhere else to keep them."

"That is strange. Maybe it has something to do with employees and leaking trade secrets or something else company specific."

"I have no idea. Ah well. Not my problem."

"I'm surprised you're not gushing more about Rude."

"There isn't much to gush about. He knows I'm here and that I exist, but like I said, I just got my computer back. I wasn't able to watch him for a long time. I've seen him maybe… twice after we finished the application process. I'm going to try and not stalk him, with my cameras or otherwise; I'd like to start things off normally."

"It's reassuring to hear you say that. Regardless, you need to be careful. You're still in Midgar, and they still don't take homosexuality very well."

"I know. I hate it here. I'd really just like to grab him and run."

"I feel the same with Cloud."

"How is he? Hanging in there?"

"He's… alive. And that's really the only positive thing I can say," Leon said with a deep sigh. He explained to Reno everything that had transpired since they talked last; Cloud's decline in health and mental stability, the Mako, the blood on his hands, and his torture. The brunette had to stop on several occasions in order to calm himself some before continuing. Having to recall it all was upsetting, perhaps even more so than when he witnessed it all. What was worse was the anxiousness of knowing what was coming next: Cloud's test.

"Holy fuck, dude. That's terrible," Reno said. Leon could picture the deep frown and the crease in the redhead's brow.

"I know. The only thing keeping me sane at this point is knowing that Cloud will see Aerith again."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he might smile again."

"You're so cute."

"It's true though. I'm tired of seeing him so unhappy. It really hurts to see him like that."

"I hope he can smile for you, then."

"I hope so too. I'm dreading going home in some ways."

"Why?"

"Because I know he's going to need a lot of help. It's not going to be fun getting him healthy again; mentally and physically. At the very least he's going to need a lot of dental work, and maybe even surgery to clear up any major damage to his digestive tract. He probably has ulcers out the ass, damage to his valves, and it may go so far as to fuck around with the rest of him too. I won't know until I get him home, but I hope he trusts me enough by that point to let me help him."

"He will. No worries. I wish I could help you, though."

"The only thing that will genuinely help me is taking him out of there. Until that happens… I just can't be comfortable. I've tried. I really have. I just worry about him constantly."

"I know how much that sucks, but I still think that's really fucking cute. You have no idea how much you love him already."

"…The hell are you talking about?"

"You love him."

"I… care about him. He's my Charge. He's important to me. I don't exactly want to marry him, but I give a damn when something happens to him."

"But for a while there you were all 'function over emotion' and now it's different. You're changing. It's a good thing. I'm happy."

"I don't know where you come up with this shit."

"Is it really that much of a bad thing? Why are you so against it?"

"I'm not…" Leon sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Okay fine. I'll play along. I'm madly in love with Cloud. I want to have two-point-five gay babies with him and live in a house with a white picket fence. The only problem with that is _he isn't gay_. I know this because I've seen him tear Aerith's vagina a new one on several occasions. He also killed a guy for getting a little too touchy, if you recall."

"I don't see how any of that matters."

"…Reno, you're an idiot."

"No I'm not! Who says he has to be gay? Or straight? Or even bisexual? He doesn't have to be anything other than Leonsexual. That's what matters. At least, it _should_ matter."

"Leonse—Good fucking god," Leon grumbled, holding his face in his hands. His patience was running out.

"Why is that such a bad thing?"

"Why do you think I need to brainwash him into loving me? Isn't it enough that I care about him? Why do we have to be head over heels for each other?"

"Because love is good."

"Yay? And if I have to trick him into forgetting that I don't have a vagina or breasts, what part of that is honest and loving?"

"I would've thought you'd see past the sexual part of it. Sex is nice. It helps the bond and it's the ultimate gift you could give to someone else. But that's not what things should be based on. We say 'homosexual' or 'heterosexual' and people get caught up on the 'sexual' part when all that means is gender as a general term. 'Homosexual' has nothing to do with fucking. It means that someone would rather spend their time and have a relationship with someone of the same sex. Whether or not you agree with that is irrelevant because what I meant by 'Leonsexual' is that he should rather have _you._ Not your dick or your balls or your Adam's apple or anything else male-specific. You don't have to trick him into liking you as a person, dude. That's not how it works. Rude isn't gay, either, if you remember."

"And if I said I didn't want a relationship with him? Would that matter to you at all?"

"I think you're lying to yourself, if you think that. It doesn't matter what I think in the long run. I'm just trying to get you to understand that it's not so cut and dry. 'I can't love him because he doesn't like naked guys' is a _really_ shit argument against loving someone. Humans thrive on companionship and there isn't a law somewhere saying that you couldn't give that to him. Once that's established, you can work on the rest of it. But you have to be willing to love him first."

"You assume I want all this."

"You said it yourself that you don't want to be alone. I have a hard time believing you're going to go out and find someone illegally. You're too straight edge for that."

"What if I told you I was reconsidering that decision?"

"You'd be lying to me. I can tell just by listening. Look at this way: he's going to need someone. He's gotten into too much shit to just up and leave and be able to forget it all. He's going to need support, a lot of it, and if you can't do anything else for him other than give him a bro-hug and a pat on the back, then you're going to fuck him over more than he already is. He _needs_ someone. If you're going to take him away from Aerith, then you're all he'll have. Even if he doesn't understand to what extent your care goes to, he still needs that love. I mean… I haven't seen any of the shit he's gone through and I already want to tuck him in bed, pet his stupid unicorn hair, and tell him it'll be okay. I don't understand how you can be so compassionate with other things but so cold when it comes to your personal life."

"Cloud has nothing to do with my personal li—"

"Yes he _fucking_ does!" Reno yelled angrily. "Don't you even fucking tell me that. You can sit there and argue with yourself on whether or not you love him but I'll be damned if I let you delude yourself into believing he doesn't have any pull on your personal life. If you really _truly_ believe that he doesn't matter then you better pack up and go the fuck home. It's _insulting_ that you would push him away so readily when he's done nothing to deserve it! You said you cared about him!"

"I do!" Leon defended.

"Obviously not! If he's just a means to an end, then you're in the wrong business, jackass. He. Is. Your. _Charge_. He is the most important person in your life whether you like it or not! You picked him! Not the other way around! You need him more than he needs you at this point! You don't need to get married, you don't have to love him, you don't even have to fucking like him, but you _have_ to _value_ him! Pull your head out of your ass and understand that you can't hold him at arm's length despite whatever fucked up perception you have."

"Why the hell does any of this concern you? You practically order me around and try to dictate my personal life to me and you _wonder_ why I get angry and defensive! My life doesn't change just because of what you think and what you tell me to do. You have no control over me or my feelings, let alone my project. It is _none_ of your business! Fuck off!"

"It doesn't concern me? Your project doesn't have anything to do with me?"

"That's right. It's _mine._"

"Fuck you, Leon. Fuck you and the pedestal you hold yourself up on. In case you forgot, our world is _dead_. It's our job, as Carriers, to fix it. You can think that our projects are separate entities, and you may be right in some contexts, but it doesn't change the fact that we're on the same planet working for the same god damned purpose. _Everything_ we do is connected to _everything_ else, even though our climates and ecosystems are on two different sides of the world. It is disgusting that you'd be so selfish to think otherwise.

So yeah, I want you to be successful because I'm your friend, but more importantly, I want you to be successful because I'm a Carrier too. I get it. I know how this shit works. Your retarded backwards mentality on how you think you can handle things really bothers me because you're setting yourself up for failure. Treating your Charge as an object instead of an extension of yourself basically kicks every Carrier principle in the balls. I'm allowed to be angry. I'm allowed to be insulted even though you've done nothing but hurt yourself. I care way too much to let you fuck yourself over and take everyone else down with you. If you still don't get how much this matters, then go home and start over. Think about it for twenty-some-odd years like I did and _wake the __**fuck**__ up._"

Leon didn't know what to say. What started off as a fairly normal 'Reno is complaining again' sort of conversation quickly spiraled into something far more than what the brunette had bargained for. He couldn't deny that Reno had a point. He was setting himself up for failure, and it may have more impact than he once thought if he couldn't pull it together. He did know that he cared, though. He didn't want Cloud to be hurting, or unhappy, or unhealthy, but he hadn't thought about how he would fix it all. It never occurred to him that it might be his responsibility to keep Cloud in one piece once they crossed over together. What Reno said was true; once they went home, Leon would be all Cloud had. The brunette felt extremely guilty for assuming everyone and anyone but he was responsible for keeping his Charge happy.

He sighed, unable to come up with something to say.

"I encourage the love and the relationship because I'm your friend and I want you to be as happy as possible. But I encourage respect and care for your Charge because I'm a Carrier. Our world needs all the pieces in order to function properly and I don't want you to be the piece that holds us back," Reno said, his tone having calmed considerably. A heavy and lengthy silence passed between them before Leon sighed again.

"Okay," he deadpanned.

"I'm going to go. Don't… don't call me again. I'll call you when I decide I want to talk to you again," the redhead said flatly. The brunette was shocked and stared at his computer as the transmission abruptly ended and his dorm was plunged into stifling silence. His brain hurriedly flipped through the conversation, trying to absorb all of Reno's words as quickly as possible. His chest started to ache and the deepening feeling of loneliness crept into the corners of his mentality. He ran a shaking hand over his face, attempting to put his thoughts and feelings in order. It didn't work very well, and he was left with a mild sense of panic.

He needed some air. He left his room and wandered out into the hall. It was late, going on midnight, and everything was dark save for the security lights. He left his building and made his way into the central courtyard, breathing in the crisp evening air. There were so many thoughts swimming around his head, he couldn't think straight. He ended up wandering out into a wide expanse of manicured grass and finding one of a few trees to sit against. He tried to calm himself, to put his thoughts in order of importance and what he could fix right away. Too much was going wrong, and the heavy sense of failure was muddling everything. After a while he was able to breathe a little easier. That's when he heard noises coming from behind a nearby expanse of bushes.

Overly curious, Leon decided he wanted to find the source, if for no other reason than to distract himself. It didn't sound like some enormous monster that was going to attack him, but more like a rabbit shuffling around or something else furry he could go 'aw so cute' at. But as he drew closer to the bush, the sounds turned more… wet. He was immediately suspicious, wasn't sure if he wanted to press on, but did anyway. What he found threw his brain off the deep end. He stood there, staring with wide eyes, as Seifer and Zell were making a serious effort to suffocate one another with their tongues. Seifer was rushing to get Zell's pants off and Leon suddenly found himself seeing _way_ more of his friend than he ever wanted to.

"_Whoa_! Okay, that's not what I was expecting," he blurted. The pair startled and screamed in tandem. Seifer immediately stopped what he was doing and looked away, not able to look Leon in the eye. Zell hurriedly covered himself and tried to stand up. The brunette put his hands up, surrendering. "No no, don't let me disturb anything. Just… be quieter next time," he said awkwardly, leaving them behind as he forced his legs to move in the other direction. Halfway across the courtyard, Zell caught up with him and stopped him by grabbing his shoulder.

"Hey. Wait," he said weakly. Leon raised a brow at him.

"Look, I don't care who or what you get involved with. I don't care if you're gay, I don't care that Seifer is too, I'm _trying_ not to care that I saw your penis, and I'm ignoring just about every other thought. It's okay. You don't have to explain anything," the Carrier said. Zell sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his neck. In the background, Seifer was making his way back into the dormitories through another walkway, purposely avoiding them both.

"Don't… don't tell anyone. Please. It's already hard enough trying to keep it all hidden."

"Why do you have to hide?" Leon asked, regretting that he couldn't stop himself.

"Just because Balamb doesn't persecute gays, doesn't mean it makes it any easier to be one. People still judge. It's unavoidable."

"I thought you hated Seifer."

"It was a cover. We've been together for three years."

"So Rinoa…"

"She was a cover too."

_Huh. Well that explains a lot_, Leon noted.

"He graduated two years before I did and… purposefully held himself back so we could graduate from here together and be deployed at the same time."

"Why… are you telling me this?" Leon asked hesitantly.

"Because I feel like I have to. I don't know. You scared me."

"I'm not out to make enemies with you. You don't have to be afraid of me."

"I'm not worried about you getting upset with me. I heard about your argument with Seifer and… I know about everything that's happened and I don't… I don't want this to be fodder for some grudge you have against him," Zell said, pushing his brows together worriedly. Leon scowled.

"You have so little faith in my maturity."

"Sorry. I guess I've sort of trained myself into thinking that it's a big deal."

"Zell, your shoulders are about as big as my face. I don't understand why you're afraid of persecution. You're obviously not weak or feeble or anything like that and… neither is Seifer for that matter. It's not like you're being a stereotype and are going to wilt away if someone finds out."

"Still…"

"I'm only saying this because you're obviously not happy with hiding."

"I'm not. It sucks. I didn't like when Seifer and Rinoa were around each other, I don't like sneaking, and I don't like denying everything when someone says something. But… Seifer wants it this way."

"Is he ashamed?"

"He's scared. His family wouldn't support him; his dad was always kind of harsh. At least I know my mom would get over it eventually. Her biggest goal in life at this point is to play grandma, but there're ways around that. I don't think she'd care where the babies came from so long as she can hold them and have them spit up on her," Zell explained, laughing a bit.

"Your mom doesn't know?"

"Not yet, no. Don't tell her."

"That's not my place. Plus, I don't even know what she looks like."

"True."

"I will say that it was sort of a dick move to use Rinoa like that."

"_Yeah_, I know. I didn't agree with that at all. But he met her while he was here without me and she got sort of clingy, I guess. People started assuming things and then he got the idea in his head and… I have no idea why he let it go as long as he did. Again, he was probably scared. He thinks people won't respect him if they know."

"…I don't respect him because he's an ass. Not because he's gay," Leon said. Zell smirked.

"But it's a very nice ass."

"Ew, okay stop it," the Carrier said, scrunching his face up disdainfully. Zell laughed.

"You should've seen the face you made. You looked like a little kid who just tried broccoli for the first time."

"I hate broccoli."

"See? My point is valid."

"Yeah well…whatever. Your secret is safe with me. I can tell Seifer that too."

"Will you?"

"Sure," Leon said. Zell nudged him towards the doorway leading back into the dormitory complex's hallways. The blonde hurried along towards his dorm with Leon almost jogging to keep up with him. Zell yanked him into the dorm where Seifer was lounging on their couch looking surly with his arms crossed over his chest. He sat up quickly.

"What the fuck? Why would you bring him here?" he barked at Zell, immediately offended.

"Stop it. Its fine," the other blonde spat back.

_Oh the love. It's drowning me._

"What do you want?" Seifer asked snidely, standing to loom over the brunette. "Come to ridicule us?"

"No. I just wanted to tell you that I won't say anything to anyone," the Carrier said.

"Fuck if I'd believe that."

"Look, pull the log out of your ass for a second and think about things. You're the one who started everything off on a hostile note between us. You're the one who's so paranoid about being found out that you jumped down my throat for _glancing_ at Rinoa. Like I'd steal your cover away and leave you exposed to everyone. I'm not here for that. I don't give two shits what you do with your dick or who you care about. You can back off now. It's okay."

"I still don't believe you."

"Then that's your problem. I've said my peace."

"Just… let it slide long enough to be civil. Please," Zell said, giving Seifer a disappointed face. The taller blonde gave him a sideways glance before letting out a grumbling sigh. He plopped himself on the couch again.

"Fine," he spat. Zell smiled a bit and looked to Leon.

"That's about as good as it's going to get, I'm afraid," he said. The Carrier shrugged.

"I wasn't expecting much."

"Yeah, me either, honestly," the shorter blonde admitted. Seifer scoffed and grinded his teeth together. Zell led Leon back out into the hallway. "Thanks for being cool about all this."

"One question, even though I know I'll probably regret it," Leon said.

"Okay?"

"Why outside? You have bedrooms."

"Well…" Zell trailed, cheeks turning pink. The Carrier suddenly had a bad feeling about the answer but didn't have time to stop him. "We can get sort of loud without noticing and the vents are all interconnected and… sound travels. Being outside in the open is sort of a reminder to keep it down. Plus, if someone does hear us through a window or something, they wouldn't know who it was right away since… we're not in our room."

"Yep. There's that regret," Leon sighed and rubbed his eyes. Zell laughed.

"Well, don't ask next time."

"Not going to. I hope there isn't a next time, honestly. For me, anyway."

"Yeah, I hope so too. Thanks again."

"No problem," Leon said. Zell smiled and ducked back into his dorm, leaving the brunette to himself. The Carrier couldn't say if anything was properly reconciled between him and Seifer, but he liked to think he accomplished something positive. It was a tiny bit of weight off his shoulders to think that there was just a little less to worry about. He did, however, pity Rinoa something fierce. He didn't know what time it was, but he trekked through the halls to her dorm anyway and knocked until she answered. She was half asleep and in her pajamas, as expected. She blinked at him tiredly.

"Is your clock broken?" she asked, rubbing an eye with a finger.

"No, I was just thinking," he said.

"About waking me up at one in the morning?"

"The time is irrelevant. The thinking part is what's more important."

"Uh… okay? Should I be worried?"

"No," he said, clearing the short distance between them and gently wrapping her in a hug. She was caught off guard and hesitated for a second but hugged him back tightly. They broke apart after a bit and Leon curled a finger under her chin and tilted her face upwards so he could plant a soft kiss on her lips. It was brief, but the point was clear. "Sorry for waking you up. I'll see you in the morning," he said, standing straight again. She stared at him, her eyes searching his face for some sort of explanation. He smiled and left quietly.

He wasn't exactly sure what compelled him to take such a step forward. Pity and trying to make up for what Rinoa lost while she was with Seifer was tugging at the back of his mind but he couldn't honestly say that was the whole reason. Regardless, he couldn't let himself think about much else. It was late and he had a lot of personal organization to do.

* * *

The morning of Cloud's test was nerve wracking. For Leon, anyway. The blonde couldn't care about anything after breakfast. He was doped up and sent on his way for a day of hard training and blissful forgetfulness. The Carrier had mixed feelings about Cloud's apparent lack of short term memory. Aside from the mental torment it caused his Charge, he wondered how much of it was permanent. He was hoping for a 'none of it' but with the way his life had been so far, he was willing to bet for an 'all of it.' That was the only detail he could really worry about anymore. He forced himself to try and take the rest of it with a grain of sand and deal with it when he was presented with it.

Killing a prisoner was apparently the highlight of everyone's month. Leon didn't know if Cloud was aware, but the entire camp was abuzz with gossip on how they get to actually see the weird blonde kid from Nibelheim actually kill someone. Previously it had been the trend that they just found the bodies lying around and knew where they came from. The Carrier couldn't blame them for their curiosity; there wasn't much else for them to be entertained with, but that didn't mean he was happy about it.

Once it was time to get started, Cloud's Commanding Officer called him out into the middle courtyard and handed him a knife. It was a small switchblade, hardly two inches long. Leon was secretly hoping for a gun or something relatively quick. He supposed that the blade was quicker than Cloud using his bare hands like he had become accustomed to, though. Anything was better than strangling people. Cloud seemed to agree and looked his new toy over with a curious fascination that made the Carrier's gut twist.

_Stop looking at it like you're going to have sex with it_…_ You know what? No. Go ahead and try to fuck it. I only need your testicles anyway._

"So how am I supposed to do this? What's the protocol?" the blonde asked, idly pressing the release button on his knife and popping the blade in an out of the hilt. His C.O. shrugged.

"However you want to do it. You have three minutes from when the prisoner gets here to finish. Dead or dying, it doesn't matter, but we better have a body by the time five minutes is up."

"Yes sir," Cloud said distractedly. His Commanding Officer waved a signal towards the gates where a van was waiting. The vehicle ambled up to them and the doors popped open.

_You can't be serious._

A woman was shoved out of the back seat, her hands bound and her legs restricted with short chain between them. She didn't catch herself very well when she flopped out and landed on her stomach and forearms. The van left afterward, disappearing back to where it came from and allowing all the eyes peeking out of the cabin windows a full view of the party. The woman looked up at Cloud with fearful tears spilling out of her eyes. She didn't seem to fully understand what was happening, but was dressed in only an oversized shirt and Leon was willing to bet she had been abused and raped prior to this. She probably knew whatever was going to happen wasn't very good.

"┌└┘││─Ⱶ┘⌐⌠…?" she asked, her voice laced with fear. Cloud didn't understand her, but Leon did. _What are you going to do to me?_

"What'd she do?" the blonde asked.

"She's from Balamb," his C.O. explained.

"…That's it?"

"She's a woman, she makes more soldiers. Can't have that, now can we?"

_I bet you haven't been able to get a woman to willingly touch you in years. Ass._

"I suppose not," Cloud said. His C.O. looked at his watch.

"Your time starts now," he said simply. The blonde looked down at the woman and she visibly shrunk back. She pushed herself up onto her knees and assumed a begging position.

"Ⅎ⌐∟‗―└┐│─!" she cried. _I don't know why I'm here!_

"I'm sorry?" Cloud guessed, giving her a shrug. He held the knife up in plain view and clicked the button, popping the blade up like some sort of twisted surprise birthday present. The woman's eyes went wide and she panicked.

"‗⌠┐─! ─ⱵℲ┘⌐│┌└!" _I'll do anything! Please don't hurt me!_

_I can't watch this… _Leon trailed, covering his mouth with a hand, his gut twisting into knots. But he couldn't get himself to leave as he still wondered if Cloud would stop. He didn't. The blonde stepped around behind the woman, who immediately started trying to scramble away from him. He grabbed her hair and yanked her back into place, pulling her head back so her throat was exposed. She started sobbing, hoarse cries echoing in the silence of the courtyard. She begged him over and over to stop, that she didn't know what she did wrong or why she was there in the first place. She wasn't a prisoner. She was just some woman a soldier had picked up from somewhere, most likely.

Cloud didn't understand her though. Leon liked to think his Charge understood her tears as confessions for whatever sins she had done, that he thought she really was deserving of her fate and wasn't an innocent. He liked to think that the blonde would've stopped had they spoken the same language. Somewhere in the pits of Leon's stomach, he knew that was a wrong assumption though. Cloud looked too happy. Too at peace with what he was doing. He bent over the woman to see what he was doing, pulling her back by her hair more so her spine bent at a painfully sharp angle.

Her cries turned into a garbled mess of choking as her throat was quickly split open by Cloud's blade. It would have been enough to simply cut her and let her bleed out. Cloud had gone the extra mile to actually shove the blade into the soft flesh under her jaw and pull it across like he was opening a package. The woman's neck was partially bisected, a huge gaping hole spewing a waterfall of blood out in every direction. Her front was coated in barely a second. Cloud gave her head a sharp shove forward, planting her in the dirt at his feet, a wide puddle quickly spreading out from under her. His hand dripped red and he wiped it on his shirt carelessly. He looked to his C.O.

"Can I go now?" he asked simply. The man nodded.

"Pack your bags. You can leave in the morning. Keep that knife."

"Sounds good to me. Thanks," Cloud said, stepping on the woman's back to use it as a bridge to cross over the pond of blood on the ground.

Leon was frozen in his chair, at his breaking point. He felt sick and stewed in his nausea for several minutes before he was able to make himself teeter off to the bathroom. His legs turned to jelly and he flopped onto the floor next to the toilet. He was there for another minute before his revulsion got the better of him and he had no choice but to empty his stomach into the bowl. He may have been able to hold it together had Cloud not been so _joyful_ with what he had done. Leon was almost used to the death and the blood by that point, but the twisted happiness was new. It scared him more than anything else and he couldn't begin to think of ways to work past it.

His Charge was a murderer, and he was stuck with him for the rest of his life.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** Don't worry, it's not April first again.

* * *

Chapter 30

Midgar's main military base was much more civil looking than the training camp. At least for Cloud it was a lot more civil. He was a Midgar native, and as such, got to stay on the native side of the base. Balamb soldiers were shipped off to the other side where the environment was much less hospitable looking. It was the first time in his life that Leon was thankful that Cloud was from Midgar. He had an actual bedroom with a toilet and shower and single bed all to himself. Granted, it was a little bigger than a shoebox, but the privacy was priceless.

Cloud had been signed in, measured for a uniform, and handed a large bundle of clothes before he was dumped off at his room and left to his own devices for the day. He was exhausted and spent a good two hours just lying in his new (and clean) bed. Leon was happy his Charge could have some peace. The Carrier took the quiet opportunity to read and try to relax. Cloud rolled around for a while, trying to get comfortable, but he obviously wasn't feeling well. Surprisingly, the officers at the camp hadn't given him any Mako before sending him off to the base. The Carrier thought the blonde was most likely having a bit of withdrawal as he was sweating and fidgety, but he wasn't concerned just yet.

The next morning was more of what Cloud had grown used to. He reported to the mess hall for a nice jolt of Mako and some breakfast (which he promptly ejected into the nearest toilet) and was whisked off get a physical. He was looked over, the doctor took note of his teeth and his resistance to Mako, deemed him 'healthy' and shooed him away. Leon laughed at the paltry excuse for medical care. Then again, had Cloud not been listed as 'healthy,' the Carrier couldn't say it would've changed anything. The blonde wandered around, attempting to not get lost, and eventually stumbled upon where he was supposed to be.

General Strahl's office was enormous, obnoxiously lavish, but extremely minimal. The furnishings (what little there were) were all dark woods with expensive-looking inlays with lush fabrics on the cushions. The floor was covered in plush maroon carpeting and the walls were a sterling marble. The General's desk was huge and much more organized and orderly compared to Dyne's. The General himself, though, was the most interesting. Instead of the General Strahl from the years past, it was Sephiroth who was sitting with his feet on the desk. He was much older, of course, and looked exactly how Leon had seen him in his Charge profile picture. Being only twenty-five and at his rank was impressive, but the wonderment was balanced by the pity as he was obviously a hairs breadth away from having geostigma. It was a waste of a life, to be sure.

"Do I know you?" Sephiroth asked, squinting at Cloud curiously. The blonde shrugged.

"If you do, I don't remember. Seems to happen a lot to me. Don't be offended."

"I couldn't give two damns if you remember me or not, I just need to remember if I'm supposed to punch you in the balls or not."

"…Why would you pu—"

"Because if you're worth taking up space in my memory, ninety percent of the time it was because you did something negative."

"Oh."

"But you weren't worth it, so whatever," Sephiroth said flippantly and took his feet off the desk and sat properly. He yanked a desk drawer open and stuffed his hand in a wide line of files. "Name."

"Cloud Strife."

"…Anyone ever tell you that your name is _completely_ faggy?"

_…Is this guy serious? _Leon scoffed, furrowing his brows.

"Not in those terms, exactly," Cloud grumbled.

"Well it is. You're lucky your C.O. will most likely call you by your last name," Sephiroth said. He fished around in the folders and retrieved Cloud's file and plopped it on his desk. It was overflowing with papers. "The fuck is all this?" the General mumbled, flipping through the ocean of paper.

_Unprofessional_, Leon sighed. The lack of couth and courtesy the man had was insulting.

"Damn, you have a lot of medical garbage. The hell is your problem?"

"Mako makes me sick."

"Join the club."

"No… I mean _really_ sick."

"You're not the only one."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Not everyone deals with it the same way. Everyone can get geostigma but it's pretty diversified otherwise. I'm not really surprised you have issues but… this is a little extensive. It doesn't really matter anyway," the General said, shoving Cloud's entire folder off his desk and scattering papers everywhere. He fixed a meaningful expression on the blonde. "We don't give out special treatment. You're expected to perform just as everyone else does."

"Yes sir," Cloud said with a tiny sigh.

"Good. What do you know how to do?"

"Not much. Well, nothing specific or like… a specialty."

"Good."

"That's a good thing?"

"Yes. That means I can make you do whatever the hell I want."

"…Oh."

"I need more swordsmen. Guess what you get to do?"

"Swing swords around?"

"I'm glad we agree."

"I don't have a choice?"

"Nope. Need to get you driving as well, by the way."

"Okay," Cloud deadpanned. He wasn't happy but he didn't have the energy or the gumption to argue. Sephiroth stood and came around his desk and nudged Cloud towards the door.

"Let's head over to the practice arena and see what we can get you into," he said, heading out of the room. Cloud trudged after him tiredly. Weaving through the buildings towards the back of the base made Leon dizzy; there were just too many directions and too many hallways and places to go. The sheer enormity of the base was frightening, and the Carrier feared for what else Midgar had hiding up its sleeve. Countless soldiers passed his lens by; so many that the base seemed like a city in of itself. Cloud was virtually oblivious to just about everything and simply followed after Sephiroth blankly.

"Where are we?" the blonde asked when they finally stopped inside a large building. It looked similar to an aircraft hangar but had row after row of garage doors lining the walls. It was multi leveled, with automatic lifts and winding staircases leading up to the upper catwalks.

"This is the arsenal. Or one of them anyway," the General said, heading off towards a lift. Cloud hurried after him and they ascended to the second floor, passing by more garage doors. A few yards down the catwalk and they stopped in front of one of them. There was a keypad off to the side and Sephiroth punched in the code and the door lifted. Inside was display after display of all kinds of blades. Huge hulking pieces of metal that no normal man should've been able to lift hung off the walls and sat on stands waiting for some poor soul to be assigned to them. In the back there was a fat blade that was almost two feet wide and probably teetering around five feet long.

The General unhooked it from its stand and held it like it was nothing before shoving it into Cloud's hands. The blonde hardly managed to hang onto the hilt before the tip of the blade dropped to the floor with a harsh '_clank_.' Cloud nearly crashed to the floor with it. He lurched forward with the weight and attempted to regain his composure quickly. He tried pulling the blade up but wasn't able to. He strained and grunted and tried to drag it, but it wouldn't budge. Sephiroth ended up taking it from him with ease, showing that there was a visible dent in the concrete where it had sat.

"Better get in shape, shrimpy. This is your new best friend," the General said, hooking the blade back onto the wall. "Buster swords are beastly, and we need more of them. Too many other officers let their soldiers get away with the smaller, less powerful blades, just so the guys can hide in the back of the formation and stay somewhat safe. Lucky for you, you get the most interesting job. You're on the front lines."

_The front lines? _Leon repeated to himself, intrigued.

"Why… why did you decide that? What possible criteria could I fill?" Cloud asked confusedly.

"Like I said, I get to make you do whatever the hell I want you to do. I know what this military needs, and you're going to fulfill that role."

"I can't even lift it, though."

"Well that's why you're here. You need to train."

"But I don't want to be on the front li—"

"I don't really care what you want. You don't get to choose. This is what I'm assigning you to and this is what you're going to do. Do I make myself clear?" Sephiroth said sternly, narrowing his eyes on Cloud and threatening him with his expression. The blonde stared back at him for a moment before he sighed, relenting.

"…Yes sir."

* * *

Leon felt like he was vying for a promotion. A 'six month performance review' sounded way too much like he was employed at the Garden rather than getting an education there, but it was what it was, and he had to participate. So far, the academic portion of his education was a cakewalk and he was excelling with ease, but the rest of it was mediocre at best. His strength wasn't a problem, nor was his speed, but the actual combat situations weren't his strong point. He just didn't care enough to be proficient. Everyone else he saw treated their weapons of choice like an extra limb and acted as such. His Gunblade felt like a curse. At the beginning of his training he had received a blade that was catered to his specifications. It was weighted properly, it was balanced, and the hilt fit his hands perfectly. It was a marvelous weapon for a soldier to have, but he didn't want to be one so it was little more than a toothpick to him.

The performance review was a test to see his progress and he would receive a grade accordingly. The basics weren't all that difficult, and once the test was over, the curriculum would switch and become more advanced until graduation. Leon wasn't looking forward to it. Every time he had to practice, he couldn't help but imagine himself slicing another person in half. He sincerely doubted his ability to perform once he was out in the battlefield. He really didn't see himself doing anything but running in the other direction like a coward. It was a violent kick in the pride to feel like that. His lackluster efforts in his review earned him middle marks and a couple extra training sessions a week. He would have to spend a few extra hours with the other less-than-stellar students after his normal training sessions. He wasn't happy.

"What's the matter?" Rinoa asked as she took a seat next to him on the couch in his dorm. She had caught up with him in the hallway after his evaluation and followed his depressed form back to his room. He hated failure, regardless of what that failure was. His pride was in the toilet and he really just wanted to take a nap and forget the day had happened. Her companionship wasn't welcomed.

"Stress," he mumbled, resting his head on the back of the couch and staring at the ceiling. She touched his shoulder, pulling his attention to her.

"Anything I can do to help?" she asked. He shrugged. "Do you want a hug?"

"I'm okay."

"Okay, but I want one. We haven't really spent much time together lately," she said. He had been too preoccupied with Cloud to notice anyone else the past few days. He obliged her and lifted an arm for her. She smiled a bit and scooted to him and rested herself against his side. He dropped his arm around her.

"Sorry," he clipped.

"It's okay. Were you studying?"

"Yeah," he lied.

"Well, that's okay then," she said, snaking her arms around his waist and giving him a squeeze. "For a little bit, I thought you were mad at me or something."

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know. You just seemed distant."

"Too much to focus on. Sorry."

"It's alright," she insisted. She shuffled closer still so her entire side was pressed against his, settling in and getting comfortable. He rubbed her back and rested his cheek against the top of her head with a tiny sigh. She looked up at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Not really. But I don't want you to worry about it; I honestly don't know what either of us can do to help me."

"Did you want another back rub?"

"…That's very tempting," he admitted. She giggled and sat up again, standing from the couch and pulling him up by his wrist towards his bedroom. "You're not going to fall asleep in my bed again, are you?"

"I'll try not to. Will you get angry if I do?"

"No. I was just checking," he said, sliding onto his bed on his stomach. He toed his shoes off and let them drop onto the floor. Rinoa giggled again and crawled in after him and straddled his hips, using his butt as her seat. She pressed her hands into his back as she had done before.

"This would be easier if your shirt was off," she said.

"No thanks, it's okay just like this," he said, sounding defensive. His immediate thought was to keep his scars covered. He regretted his tone though.

"…Okay," she said suspiciously. She continued working away on him, her brain brimming with thoughts and concerns. After fifteen minutes of silence she couldn't keep them bottled up anymore. She sighed. "I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to be," he said sluggishly, half asleep. She stopped rubbing, much to his dismay and shuffled off him. She lay down next to him and pet his hair. He peeked over the mound of his pillow at her.

"Please tell me what's wrong. You're hiding things from me."

"How do you figure?"

"Well I think it's weird you almost sounded scared when I wanted you to take your shirt off and with how quiet you are and how tense you are… did something happen?"

_You mean aside from watching a bunch of people die by my Charge's hand? Or how about the fact that I completely fail at being a soldier and am probably going to get myself killed?_ He thought sarcastically. "No… I just didn't do very well on my evaluation and I'm sort of kicking myself. It's okay. Really."

"You're sure that's all?"

"Yeah," he lied, picking his head up enough to give her a forced smile. She gave him a weak one in return and scooted closer. She gave him a quick peck on the lips. He gave her one back.

"I would say that I believe you, but I don't."

"I don't know what to tell you then," he said flatly and laid his face in his pillow again, blocking her out grumpily. Her prying was quickly getting annoying.

"How about the truth?" she asked.

"I did," he lied, his voice muffled by the pillow. She sighed angrily and pushed on his shoulder to try and roll him over to look at her. When he didn't budge, she reached over him and pulled on the opposite shoulder. He caved a bit and turned his back to her but didn't let her pull him all the way back. She let out a frustrated huff and climbed onto his side, sitting on his hip. He looked to her, scowling.

"Why don't you trust me?" she asked pleadingly.

"I do trust you. I don't understand why you can't take my answers and live with them instead of insisting there's more. What else could there be?" he asked impatiently. She frowned.

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking!" she squeaked.

"Well there isn't! Drop it," he said. They held tense eye contact for thirty seconds before the pressure became too much and Rinoa started to break apart. Her chin started quivering and her eyes watered. Leon wasn't convinced and rolled his eyes. "I'm not falling for that bullshit again. You can quit while you're ahead."

"You're just like him," Rinoa sniffled. She pushed herself out of the bed completely just as the tears started to fall. The Carrier furrowed his brows and sat up.

"Just like who?"

"Just like Seifer," she said, hiccupping a bit. She made her way out of his bedroom and went for her shoes she had left by the door. Puzzled, Leon went after her and grabbed her arm. She yanked away from him and stooped to start pulling on her shoes.

"Wait a minute, explain," he said, trying to get her to stand again by tugging her shoulder. She shoved him away.

"Stop it! Stop trying to trick me," she accused, standing and glaring at him through puffy eyes.

"What?" Leon asked, genuinely confused.

"You're just like him! You're nice to me, get me to like you and trust you, and then when I try to get closer and know you better you push me away. You dodge my questions, you don't give satisfying answers to the ones you do acknowledge, and you constantly look like you're about to either punch me or yell at me! Why did you even bother talking to me if all you're going to do is lead me on? Is this some sort of fucked up game you two have going between you? Well I'm not falling for it again!" she yelled. He was stunned and stared at her stupidly.

"Wh—no! I told you before that there are just some things I don't want to share and if you couldn't deal with it then you should just leave me alone. I meant it, Rinoa. I'm not some book for everyone to read and picking at me about what you think is wrong isn't going to help you any. I'm not pushing you away, and I'm not leading you on. I like you. Really. But if you can't respect my privacy then there isn't anything I can do to help you. You're hurting yourself by trying to fix everything you think needs to be fixed. Please understand that."

"But you're always so miserable, what else am I supposed to think? If you like me, then shouldn't I be able to make you smile? Or… just… get you to _not_ look like you want to kill yourself?"

"…I don't want to kill myself," he said flatly, scowling.

"Well you aren't exactly helping anyone believe otherwise by moping around all the time."

"Others think that way, too?"

"That's where I got the idea from, yeah. I hear people talking about you all the time. 'I wonder when we'll hear about him hanging himself.' 'Do you think he'll overdose or shoot himself?' 'Do you think he'll have the balls to go through with it?' That's the shit I hear, and that's just from yesterday!"

_Why the fuck are humans so damn complicated? Why are they doing this to me?_

"I'm worried. Help me understand," she said pleadingly.

"I… don't know what to say. I don't want to kill myself," he repeated.

"Okay, then what's the matter?"

"Stress. I have a lot of it and it's been with me for a long time. Believe me when I say that's all there is."

"Why are you so stressed? School?"

"It's not helping, but there's more to it than that. But that's where I draw the line. I don't want to get into the 'whys' and 'hows,' just accept me for what I am or leave me alone. I really can't take much more pressure or disappointment," he said blandly. She didn't say anything for a few minutes so he left her where she was and made his way back into his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hands through his hair a few times before resting his forehead on a palm and his elbow on his knee.

He expected her to leave, to leave him alone like he had asked and because she couldn't move past not knowing everything about him. He remembered Reno asking him if he was ashamed of what he was so many years ago. At the time, he said he wasn't, but he couldn't say he felt the same way now. Being a Carrier, being so different yet so similar to humans, but being unable to completely be one was becoming one of the most painful hurdles he had to overcome. Everyone expected him to act the way everyone else did, or at least in some predictable human fashion. He couldn't. He was too different. He had to hide, to deceive, to be anything else but himself and he resented what he was because of it. If he couldn't get meaningless people to understand him in some positive fashion, then what would he do when he and Cloud had to interact? Would he be pushed away then too?

A couple of frustrated tears slipped out of his eyes, not because he was breaking apart, but because his body was forcing him to let go of _something_. The tension in his shoulders was nearly painful; he didn't know to do to relieve it. He wiped his face dry, his hands starting to shake. Rinoa's feet appeared in his line of sight on the floor. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him forward for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her hips and rested his face against her stomach, sucking up as much comfort as he could from her. She rubbed his back.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Its fine," he replied with a tiny shrug. She moved forward, straddling his thighs and helping herself to his lap. She hugged him around his neck briefly and pulled back to plant a kiss on his lips. She gave him a weak smile and pet his hair again.

"I wish you'd tell me—"

"Don't start again, please," Leon clipped angrily, rolling his eyes and looking away from her.

"No, wait. I was going to say that I wish you'd tell me what is burdening you, but I can accept that you won't. Or can't. I have a feeling it's more like a 'can't.' But… you'll tell me everything else, right?" she asked. He glanced at her.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, just stuff about you, I guess. I still don't feel like I know you very well," she said.

"What did you want to know?"

"I can't think of much at the moment. I'm sort of fried. But maybe we can go out again so I can see you relax a bit and then we can talk?" she asked. He nodded.

"Okay," he agreed. She smiled and gave him another kiss. Then another. And then another. She attempted to take things deeper but he pulled away.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Uh, well… about that getting to know me thing…I'm not entirely like everyone else."

"…That's sort of an understatement," she said.

"_Thanks_," he grumbled. "But that's not what I meant. I uh…well…"

"…Are a virgin?"

"_Also _not what I meant."

"But it's true, yeah?"

"Yes, but there's more to it than that," he said. Instead of trying to explain further and giving her more excuses to kick him in the balls, he cupped her face and kissed her again, giving her the go-ahead to get tongues involved. As soon as she felt his, she pulled away with a surprised face and a tiny squeak.

"…Oh."

"Yeah."

"Was your mother a cat?"

"Not that I'm aware of," he said.

"Okay… well… it's not like some sort of contagious tongue disease or anything, right? It could be some really bad thrush," she asked sheepishly.

"Uh… no. It's just me," he said with an amused snort.

"Okay… well, I can get over it. I don't even notice your teeth anymore."

"I wasn't even aware you _did_ notice them."

"…Everyone has."

"_Great_," Leon sighed. _That self consciousness isn't warranted at all, nope,_ he told himself sarcastically.

"It's okay though. I don't mind," Rinoa assured.

"Good, because there isn't much I can do about it," Leon said grumpily.

* * *

Cloud was slowly morphing into a brainless zombie. Before, he was just a forgetful, but still relatively animated zombie. But after a week of Mako shots every two or three hours, he was pretty well destroyed. He spent his days doing what he was told and trying to bend to his superior officer's will. His nights were quiet. Once in his room, he tended to stare at Aerith's picture blankly until he fell asleep. He'd be up for hours before he would eventually drift off, but it was the same routine pretty much every night regardless.

Leon wondered if Cloud's body was adjusting more. He vomited less now that the Mako was pretty much a constant, but the shots themselves weren't an automatic eject button for whatever was in his stomach, either. Usually he would only get sick if he sat still too long and let the energy build up to unbearable levels. He always had to be moving and doing something. He wasn't having sex with anyone so he filled his activity void with training and obnoxious amounts of exercise. Leon didn't see any of it as a positive thing, either. The exercise wasn't the worst of it but the blonde would do it right after he strained himself training and the subsequent muscle damage was of great concern. Cloud was able to lift his enormous sword with ease after only three weeks; hardly a natural amount of time to gain that much strength.

One evening, a few of Cloud's squad members pulled him along to a section of the base Leon had never seen before. It was a building situated between the Midgar and Balamb sections that looked like any other concrete cube they had seen before. The inside was dark, with booming bass-filled music and neon lights. There was a well lit oblong stage on the far wall of the room with a pole at the end that extended to the ceiling. There was a bar to the right, a series of doors on the left, and a lounge area taking up the rest of the space in between. Leon had never seen a strip club before and he was extremely perplexed.

_Oh well that's charming…_ he noted as a woman started dancing and disrobing around the pole for a group of soldiers gathered around the stage. There were other girls in skimpy clothes wandering around and mingling with the rest of the men. The Carrier didn't have to be there to know that the place smelled of cheap alcohol, Mako smoke, and sex. He didn't like it. Cloud didn't seem to have much of an opinion as he was led around by his companions and watched everything pass with blank eyes. The only time of the day he could sit still for very long without getting sick was at night when he needed to sleep. He was supposed to be in bed now, but instead he was there to watch strippers, which didn't help Leon's opinion of the place in the least.

Around an hour into their visit, Cloud's companions started to leave. Each one of them left pulling a girl behind them but the blonde was left behind, half asleep on an armchair by himself. He stared at the ceiling, blinking slowly and not registering anything that was going on around him. A redheaded girl came over to him and gently shook his shoulder. Leon thought she looked familiar, but he couldn't recall her from where or how long ago.

"C-Cloud?" Jessie asked shakily. As soon as he heard the voice, the Carrier remembered. His recollection was immediately replaced with pity though. The years hadn't been good to the girl. She looked a lot older than she was, with bags under her eyes, her hair was unhealthy, she was painfully skinny, and everything sagged. It was obvious to Leon that she had had several natural pregnancies, possibly even one with multiples, as the skin on her stomach was just a little too loose and stretch mark laden. Yet she was dressed as skimpily as the other girls had been. Go figure.

"Hmm?" the blonde hummed deftly. He blinked at her a few times and was quiet for several minutes before the dilapidated gears in his head started working again and he was able to recognize her. He sat up quickly. "Jessie?"

"Long time no see," she said with a faltering smile. Cloud looked her over.

"Uh… yeah. What happened?"

_Nice, Cloud. Make her feel more like garbage why don't you?_

"I'll tell you in a minute but… can… can I stay in your room tonight?" she asked nervously. Leon furrowed his brows, as did Cloud.

"…And do what?"

"Sleep? Maybe use your shower?"

"I…guess?" he said hesitantly. She let out a happy sigh and hugged him abruptly. He grimaced briefly but had a neutral face when she stepped back again.

"Let me get my bag real quick and we can go," she said hurriedly before scampering away. Cloud was confused just as much as Leon was. Jessie kept to her word, though, and came back in hardly a minute. They left together and headed to Cloud's room, the girl's heels clicking away loudly as she had to almost jog to keep up with him. As they walked, the blonde would garner strange looks from the others in the hall, even a few giggles. The girl following after him wasn't the prettiest one he could've found, and the bright lighting in the halls really wasn't doing her any favors. She looked… very well used. It was sad.

Jessie helped herself to Cloud's bathroom when they finally made it to his room. Cloud wasn't looking so good and tiredly kicked off his shoes and started getting dressed for bed. The bruising on his arms from the constant Mako injections tugged at Leon's heartstrings. The blonde had turned seventeen already, though he doubted Cloud even realized it. In the Carrier's mind, they were supposed to be talking already, making plans to leave and how to take him away from the abuse and manipulation. The fact that they weren't hurt the most. Leon was ready to leave.

"Thanks for letting me stay," Jessie said when she emerged from the bathroom, looking cleaner, but not quite fresh. Cloud stared ahead of himself emptily but nodded a bit.

"I forgot I was supposed to be looking for you," he said flatly.

"You were?"

"For Aerith."

"Oh… I didn't think we'd ever see each other again. You look so much older, I almost didn't recognize you. It's sort of surreal. How is Aerith?"

"From what I hear, she's okay."

"Good," Jessie said. An awkward silence passed and she sat at the end of his bed. She had changed into an oversized t-shirt that hung nearly to her knees. It helped camouflage some of the damage to her body, but her rail thin legs were a giveaway. "So um… how are you?"

"Miserable," Cloud deadpanned, staring at his wall. Jessie frowned.

"I don't like it here either."

"I'm surprised you weren't shipped off to the capitol."

"I was over there for a couple years but Biggs requested I come back here and they came and found me again. He uh… he's been promoted a few times and isn't here anymore; he moved to another base, but they didn't make me leave. I've been back here for about three years. I don't know if I should be happy about it or not. At least in the city I had my own bed."

"You don't have a room?"

"No, I'm supposed to sleep with someone every night."

"So… you wanted my bed and my shower, not to visit with me?" Cloud asked. Jessie sighed.

"I haven't had anyone request me for a few days and the chairs in the club are starting to hurt my back. And if I was going to sleep in here, I'm pretty sure you would've liked to have me smell a little better, yeah? Sorry. I really am happy to see you again. I just… had to take care of myself first for a minute," she said. Cloud nodded and took one of his pillows and dropped it off the side of his bed. It wasn't nearly big enough for two people and at first, Leon thought he was going to make Jessie sleep on the floor but then he shuffled out of the bed and lay on the floor on his stomach, hugging the pillow to his face. The Carrier smiled.

"What about Wedge?" the blonde asked.

"…He's dead."

"Oh. Oops."

"…Yeah," Jessie said. Her eyes started watering but Cloud couldn't see. She quickly wiped them dry. The stifling silence that followed made Leon fidget. The blonde took it as a sign that the talking was done and got up enough to flick the light off. The darkness made the waning glow of his eyes stand out more. He settled back in his place on the floor. Jessie seemed confused. "You don't want to sleep up here?" she asked.

"You can."

"…But the floor can't be very comfortable."

"I've slept on worse things."

"Aren't you cold?"

"No."

"And… you don't want anything from me?" she asked hesitantly, scooting to the top of the bed and shuffling under the covers. Cloud glanced at her.

"Like what?"

"Like… sex?"

"You're not Aerith."

"…Oh. _Oh._ That's cute. I didn't think you two would end up together like that."

"How do you figure?"

"Well I always saw your relationship as more of a brother/sister sort of thing," Jessie said, taking the remaining pillow and getting comfortable.

"I guess I'm fucking my sister, then," Cloud grumbled.

"You sound way too comfortable with that."

"It's crossed my mind before. I'm not stupid. But we're not related; we just grew up together."

"True."

"The same could be said for you, Biggs, and Wedge."

"…Err, yeah. Forgot about that," Jessie said with a nervous giggle. She picked at Cloud's blanket idly for a few minutes. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For imposing on you. I really appreciate it."

"It's fine."

"There might be more to it than that, though. I'm not the most appealing girl around and I heard some of the others laughing at you for taking me with you. I'm sorry in advance for any grief they'll probably give you."

"Whatever. Is that why you haven't had any requests? Because you're unappealing?"

_That brain-to-mouth filter really needs to get fixed on you_, Leon sighed. He couldn't decide if it was just Cloud being Cloud or if it was the residual Mako in his system making him come off a little brash.

"Y-yeah. I've had a few kids here and… it's not like in the capitol where they heal you and everything goes back to where it was before so… I'm not exactly in top form. Ever since my third pregnancy here it's been hard to get anyone to pay attention."

"And if you don't get a request, you sleep in a chair and don't get to shower?"

"…Yeah," Jessie said. Cloud let out a grumbling sigh.

"Fucking hate this place."

"Me too. I'm glad I found you though. It's good to see you again."

"Mhm," Cloud hummed, falling asleep. "Aerith will be happy to know you're alright."

"Are you two writing letters or something?"

_Hah! Writing_.

"…No. I never learned how."

"Nana never taught you two?"

"She only taught Aerith; so that she could keep up with the house and the finances."

"Does Nana need help or something?"

"Nana got really sick and passed away, Jessie."

"No…"

"Yeah. Which is why Aerith isn't here or in the capitol. She inherited the house and Nana's job."

"Oh…" the girl trailed sadly. Cloud was drifting off and the conversation died quickly, leaving Jessie to grieve by herself until she fell asleep as well.


	32. Chapter 32

**Warning: **Gore ahead.

* * *

Chapter 31

When two people love each other—well, more like when two people have a mild interest in one another— it's possible for one of them to lose track of where the relationship was headed and be left in the dust, scratching his head, confused. Hugging leads to kissing, which leads to touching, which leads to heavy petting, and before they know it, the clothing goes missing and somewhere along the line an orgasm or two happens. Most of the clothing, anyway. After all, a certain amount of modesty and self consciousness was the cornerstone of Leon's personality anymore and that wasn't going to go away simply because his pants were suddenly way too tight in all the wrong places. The pants were optional. His shirt stayed firmly planted in place.

Having sex with a woman was just what he thought it would be like. Wet and squishy. He wasn't impressed. Sure, it got the job done and there was relief in the end, but it wasn't some mind blowing experience that he suddenly needed to have happen as much as humanly possible. Clearly, Reno had been exaggerating. The first time was abysmal and embarrassing beyond all belief, the second time was better, and by the third time, well, he felt like he had never been a virgin in the first place and it was just sort of routine. Rinoa seemed to it enjoy way more than necessary and carried on like a dying cat for the duration, which didn't help make the experience any more appealing.

So it eventually got to the point where Leon would stuff his dick in her mouth just to get her to _shut up_. Oral sex was far more enjoyable for him but afterward he would have to reciprocate with actual intercourse so the noise 'solution' was extremely temporary. He also wasn't entirely keen on mashing his face in her vagina so oral reciprocation wasn't much of an option. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. It wasn't because Rinoa had poor hygiene or was herpes laden, but her normal lady smell was enough from a distance, and he really didn't want to get _that_ up close and personal with it. Conversely, she didn't like the way he smelled afterward and would always politely nudge him away and tell him to go shower while she opened the window to try and air the room out.

He felt guilty. He didn't think he was going about the whole relationship thing the right way. Yeah, he liked Rinoa enough. They spent time together, they had sex, they talked, they cuddled, all the stuff he thought he should be doing, but it didn't feel right. None of it did. They weren't rushing, and they talked almost every step through to make sure it was all okay with the other person, but even after all that confirmation, it still felt _wrong_. He didn't like it. When he was by himself, he thought a lot about everything but he eventually ran out of answers for himself. There was only one explanation in his mind.

_I don't love her._

It was a simple conclusion. Comparing their relationship to Cloud and Aerith's was a real eye-opener. Lust and passion were two different things. Lust was just a place holder. It was there to fill its purpose of 'I really really need this now, I can't wait anymore' and then leave again. Once Lust said its goodbyes, Passion was supposed to stay behind and fill the middle time. Once enough passion built up, it was supposed to kick Lust out so it could be replaced by Love. That's when 'sex' turns to 'lovemaking' and a more permanent bond was supposed to form. Or at least that's what Leon concluded. Perhaps he was over thinking things but the idea was still the same. Cloud and Aerith had passion. He and Rinoa did not. Cloud was willing to wait for Aerith. Leon couldn't give a damn if he and Rinoa never had sex again.

He never voiced his concerns to her. He never told her how he felt or how unexcited he was for just about everything they did together. She eventually got used to the mask he wore. The sort of aloof contentment he kept around her so he wouldn't make her feel bad or unwanted. He liked her, she was nice to spend time on most occasions, but he was _bored_ of her very quickly. It was hardly two months before he really understood how unfulfilling the whole situation was. His priorities never changed or included her. He kept her relatively happy and never took a step to make anything more serious or permanent. He couldn't even if he wanted to.

"What're you thinking about?" Rinoa asked one sunny afternoon as they lounged together on the grassy field behind the Garden training grounds. Leon was on his back, staring at the sky while she used his chest as a pillow.

"How much my retinas are burning because the sun is bright," he said blandly. She laughed.

"Well there is a very simple solution to that problem."

"Yes. There is. Too bad I'm too lazy to acknowledge it."

"When you go blind don't come to me for help."

"I won't be able to find you by that point, anyway. I'll probably fall off a balcony somewhere. No worries," he said. She laughed again.

"In that case, I'll keep you on a leash so you don't get lost."

"Wonderful. Just what I need: awkward whispers in the women's restroom."

"I'd tie you up outside to a bench or something."

"Even better. I'd be a blind pet hobo, left behind to starve while my mistress is busy changing her tampon."

"You're awful!" she piped, laughing again and rolling onto her side.

"You think I'm kidding? You obviously don't realize how much longer you take in the bathroom for that _special_ week."

"Is it that noticeable?"

"I take naps. _Naps_, Rinoa."

"Oh my. It's a wonder you're so tired all the time," she said amusedly, sitting up and giving him a curt smile.

"I know, right?"

"How did your training go today?"

"Better. I think I've improved enough to where I can forgo the extra sessions they've assigned me. It doesn't help me feel less tired, though."

"I wouldn't think so. Not until you get back on a regular schedule anyway."

"Right."

And so it went. The routine was the same day in and day out. Leon would wake up, go to class, train, hang around with Rinoa for a bit, watch Cloud be boring, and then sleep. Both males weren't doing much of anything new or different and their progress in their respective fields was improving steadily. Cloud was more in tune with his aggressive side and was completely comfortable with cleaving whatever was put in front of him in half. Leon still had his reservations about the whole ordeal but forced himself to do better so he could earn back his extra free time.

* * *

It was bearing down on the one-year mark for Leon. A year at the Garden, learning to be the soldier he didn't want to be. It was becoming second nature to swing his cumbersome Gunblade around and pretend he knew what he was doing, which made his instructors happy. So far, he had only been practicing with other beginner Gunbladers in a comfortable environment amongst themselves. He had no combat experience against any other type of weapon or force and once the first year was over, he would be made to branch out and learn how to deal with just about everything else. His greatest apprehension was towards the magic users. They were the most unpredictable bunch.

But before that point, it came time for Cloud to be sent out into the field. With Mako fueling just about everything he did, he was more proficient in his swordsmanship much earlier than the Carrier was. Leon doubted the blonde would be half as skilled if he wasn't blasted out of his mind every waking moment, but he pushed it aside and tried to focus on seeing his Charge happy again. Cloud had taken little interest in Jessie after their initial meeting and only paid attention to her when she approached him first. She was the only kind face he had to lean on, but he hardly noticed. She didn't take it personally, though; ninety percent of the soldiers there were just like Cloud and walked the halls with blank faces and sleepy minds. But as his assignment in Nibelheim grew closer, he was bound to become more animated.

Barret visited Cloud on and off to check in on him. The visits were brief and mostly silent as the blonde would stare ahead of himself and respond only when spoken to. If the man mentioned Aerith, Cloud would listen more closely, but the silence didn't waver. Leon really wished it was different. He wanted to know what his Charge was thinking, if anything. He probably was, there was no way he couldn't be, and the Carrier was sincerely thinking about fixing a tiny drill to the end of his camera so he could burrow into Cloud's skull and get _something_ out of him.

Eventually, the day came. Cloud was packed into a van with the rest of his squad, his sword strapped to his back, and shipped off to an airport. Sephiroth was in charge of the operation and took the passenger seat up front to review the itinerary and all the plans the government had given him. Leon had his suspicions, but as far as he could tell, the mission was to help the Shinra Corporation set up the ground work for a new Mako reactor. The people of Nibelheim were not happy about their lush little town becoming a virtual wasteland and there had been a few riots since the original plan had been announced more than a year prior. The government expected there to be some conflict, so Cloud and his squad were the lucky ones who got to wander around and make sure the public didn't get too out of hand.

That was all well and good, but there was a problem. The military was confident in its hold over its soldiers once they were ready to be deployed, and the Mako injections that happened every two hours while training were no longer being administered. The schedule went back to the original one Cloud had grown used to, which was once at a day at breakfast. Each soldier carried around a couple extra syringes with their supplies just to keep withdrawal at bay, but other than that, they were on their own physically speaking. Leon would've been happy to have Cloud's injections slow were it not for the problems it created. The blonde was getting sick again and his temper was worse than ever. His headaches were back and he was obviously in a lot of pain. The Carrier could only hope that the citizens in Nibelheim didn't push his buttons too much.

Cloud was jittery for the entire trip to his hometown. He was a little more awake than normal, but only just. At the very least he seemed aware of what was going on. Whether or not he would even remember seeing Aerith again had yet to be seen, but Leon hoped he would. Even if it made making Cloud follow him more difficult, he wanted his Charge to be happy again. The past year was wearing on them both.

"I need to meet with the mayor and tell him what the plan is," Sephiroth told the soldiers when the van rolled to a stop outside the inn in Nibelheim. "This is where we're all staying. Be here by 0700 tomorrow morning. I don't give a damn if you sleep here or not. I honestly wouldn't piss in this little shithole town, so I won't blame you for taking roost somewhere more comfortable," he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking around at the homey buildings and massive amounts of plants. "Fucking backwards po-dunk piece of garbage," he muttered to himself, stepping out of the vehicle and heading towards the town center.

Leon had missed Nibelheim. It was a reminder of the good Midgar still had, but it made the thought of losing it to the Mako reactor that much more painful. Cloud obviously didn't give a damn about the town itself and took off like a rocket as soon as Sephiroth had left. He leapt out of the van and bolted down the main road until he reached the little side path that lead between the houses. It took him a good ten minutes of straight running to finally make it back to his childhood home. He stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he saw it though, and seemed unsure. Leon could see the doubt in his eyes, the guilt, and the uneasiness. The blonde stood around for a bit before he finally took a deep breath and went to knock on the door.

"Hel… lo?" Aerith answered, stopping mid-word in complete shock when she noticed who it was. She hadn't changed any during the past year. She had had a flower pot tucked under her arm and she dropped it, having it shatter at her feet into a million pieces. Cloud fidgeted.

"H-hi…" he said quietly, staring out the corners of his eyes at the ground. Aerith threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and immediately bursting into tears. Cloud hesitated, his arms up and ready to hug her back, but it took him a moment of uneasy contemplation to finally make himself go through with it. He squeezed her tight, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair.

"Barret said you were coming back but… I couldn't let myself believe him…" she said between heavy sobs. "I'm so happy I was wrong." She pulled away to see his face, inspecting his eyes closely, but she didn't bring them up. Cloud looked extremely worried.

"Aerith…I…"

"I know. Barret told me everything."

"He… he did? How much is 'everything?'"

"Everything since you left," she said. Cloud's expression fell and he pulled away from her, nearly in tears.

"Then you understand why I can't stay here," he said. Aerith's mouth dropped open and she stared at him, dumbfounded. Leon was shocked as well; he had expected them to be naked by that point. "I can't…" the blonde attempted but had to stop and take a breath to keep himself together. "I can't… taint you. I've done so much and… none of it was good. I'm… I'm a monster."

"What are you talking about?" Aerith asked.

"Barret told you about the stuff I did, right? All the people I've… killed for no reason? People who were on our side?"

"He did. But I know what the military does to its soldiers, Cloud. Don't think for a second that I blame you for any of it. You're not that kind of person. Had you not been taken away from here, you never would've done any of it," Aerith said, stepping to him and giving him understanding eyes.

"It doesn't change what happened."

"I know it doesn't. But it doesn't mean I love you any less."

"…I love you too."

"I know you do," she said. She pressed herself against him, leaning against his chest. She couldn't hug him around his midsection without possibly hurting herself on his sword; it didn't have a sheath. He hugged her again though, letting out a long sigh that took the tension in his shoulders with it. Leon doubted Cloud felt any less guilty about his sins but it was a comfort for both of them to know Aerith didn't hate him for them. She stepped back and looked up at him, smiling. He gave her a small but genuine one in return, the most he had done since he had left.

"So… what's new?" Cloud asked awkwardly.

"I don't mean to be impatient—we can talk later—but I'm waiting for you to kiss me," Aerith said flatly.

_Oh boy, here we go_, Leon sighed. He was trying to be happy for them but was failing miserably.

"Oh," the blonde blurted. He laughed a bit and gave her a quick peck but didn't pull away completely afterward. Aerith let out a frustrated huff and he grinned. He gave her another one and she frowned. He laughed at her.

"Stop teasing me," she muttered.

"But it's fun," he said, kissing her again. Properly this time. The papery thin wall keeping them apart was suddenly obliterated and floating away in the wind. Their resolve and restraint went with it as they couldn't keep their hands off one another. Aerith was trying her hardest to pull Cloud towards the house without breaking contact with him. The blonde eventually got the hint and followed after her excitedly, both of them fumbling inside clumsily and ending up mostly on the kitchen table.

"Whoa! Okay!" came a surprised voice from the living room. Aerith and Cloud froze for a second before they both turned bright red and looked towards the source. There was a teenage girl, probably not much older than thirteen, standing with her arms folded over her chest with a curious face. She was petite with short cropped black hair and large brown eyes. "I assume that's him?" she asked.

"Hmm?" Cloud hummed confusedly, looking between the girl and Aerith. Marlene and Denzel were both in the living room as well, peeking out from behind the teenager's legs. They hadn't changed much either.

"Y-yeah," Aerith said, clearing her throat. "Um, Cloud, this is Cypress. She comes in a few days a week to help me watch Denzel and Marlene. Cypress, this is Cloud."

"Just making sure," Cypress said. She reached behind herself and put a hand on each child's back. She nudged them both towards the front door. "Let's go outside, kids."

"Thanks," Aerith mumbled as they left. The door clicked shut behind them quietly. "Sorry."

"Talking about me while I'm not here to defend myself, were you?" Cloud asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Constantly."

"I would've been worried had you not been."

"Yes well… that's not important," she said. She took his wrist and pulled him further into the house. She rounded the corner and into the first floor bedroom.

"Nana's room?" Cloud asked. Aerith shrugged.

"It's mine now. I got a different bed and everything," she said. The blonde closed the door behind them and Leon didn't feel the need to follow them. It was fairly obvious what they were going to be doing and seeing Cloud smile again was enough for him. There was a heavy '_thud_' of Cloud's sword hitting the floor followed but the metallic clinking of what the Carrier assumed was his belts which was followed by a lot of giggling and then some heated panting. Pretty self explanatory.

Leon was happy that Cloud was happy, he was sure of it. But underneath the happiness there was an underlying string of anger that he couldn't quite explain. He didn't understand where it was coming from. He supposed it was a bit of petty jealousy that he and Rinoa weren't doing as well, but even then, he couldn't say that was all there was to it. Perhaps he was a little upset that he couldn't feel the same sort of love Cloud had for Aerith. It looked like something that was nice to have.

Once everything quieted down on the other side of the door, Leon scooted inside to see what was what. His chest tightened and his gut twisted into knots for reasons he couldn't understand. Cloud was hugging Aerith to himself as if his life depended on it. She was wrapped around him just as tight, both of them so happy and at peace with one another. Leon didn't like it. But again, he didn't understand why. Because he didn't understand, it made him feel guilty, like he didn't want Cloud to be happy even though he knew that wasn't true. Far from it.

_What is my problem?_ He asked himself. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. It was one of many occasions over the last six months where he wished Reno was talking to him. He needed someone else's insight. But, ever vigilant, he noticed a tiny detail that made his vision turn red, the guilt disappear, and the desire to rip his Charge's throat out an immediate priority. There was no condom, or evidence of one having been present.

"God _fucking_ damn it Cloud!" he yelled at his computer, holding his face in his hands. "Why are you so fucking stupid?" he whined. If Aerith wound up pregnant after everything he put himself through, he'd toss in the towel and hang himself. He'd be done. He wouldn't be able to deal with it. He slammed his computer shut and threw himself into his bed like a child. He buried his face under his pillows to block everything out. It wasn't long before Cloud and Aerith were at it again though, and the audio filtered through his room, stabbing him in the back of the head.

* * *

Cloud was only staying in Nibelheim for a couple weeks before his squad was to be rotated out and replaced with another one. He spent his days in town patrolling around and making sure the people behaved themselves. He was talking and catching up with the people he left behind, mostly. The Mako reactor was a hot topic of discussion, as expected. He hated it just as much as everyone else did and he told them so, making them feel a bit better that it wasn't the military's idea in the first place. The blame was put on the Shinra Corporation, where it should've been.

The blonde spent his nights with Aerith, wrapped in a naked cocoon of warmth and happiness. They talked a lot too. Cloud told her about Jessie, what he could remember from his training, and his health issues. She talked about how she was doing with Denzel and Marlene, which was mostly 'it's difficult, but we're doing okay.' They talked about their futures, about whether or not they would be able to make a life together eventually, and if they would need to move away from Nibelheim once the Mako reactor was set in place. Aerith wanted to move regardless. She couldn't handle not being able to go out and garden and tend her flowers. Cloud didn't disagree. By the time the blonde needed to leave again, they had caught up, and had sex more times than Leon could count.

The last day of Cloud's rotation was a serious test for his patience. The peace he had been getting from Aerith was being replaced by the anxiety of leaving her again and that made his Mako fueled temper even shorter than it had been in the past. His entire day was spent trying to stop himself from smacking random people around like a lunatic, which made the stress level rise, his headaches worse, and he was sicker than he had been in a long while. He expelled whatever was in him until nothing was left and he was dry heaving in an alley by himself.

Needless to say, by the time he was able to lay with Aerith and relax again, he was exhausted and ornery. Aerith wasn't helping matters and was clinging to him while sobbing and whining to him about she would miss him. It was really just a rehashing from when the blonde left the first time, but with more tears and clinging. Cloud wasn't of the mind to deal with it, either, and squeezed his eyes shut on several occasions to try and help block out some of the stimulation and calm his headache. It didn't help.

"Aerith… please. I need quiet," he strained, sitting up on the edge of the bed and rubbing his forehead.

"Well _sorry_ for being upset," the girl clipped, sniffling loudly and continuing to weep. Cloud held his forehead in his hands, wincing. He shook his head, his face twitching a bit. His pupils were trying to squeeze themselves into slits again, his muscles were having tiny spasms, and he grit his teeth in an effort to keep himself at bay. Leon had a bad feeling about it all. Aerith didn't notice though and continued on with her crying. After another three minutes, Cloud finally snapped. He whipped around and backhanded Aerith across the face. She screamed.

"_Be quiet!_" he roared at her, eyes full of fury. She stared at him, eyes wide with her hand on her bruising cheek. She really started to break apart after that.

"Why did you hit me?" she squeaked at him, torrents of tears dripping off her chin.

"Aerith?" came Cypress' voice from the other side of the door. She tried the knob, but it was locked so she knocked. "Aerith, what happened? I heard a scream."

"Leave!" Cloud barked at the door. Aerith continued sobbing. Cypress didn't relent and banged on the door, making Cloud's cheek twitch at the sound.

"Aerith! Open the door!" she yelled.

_Stop it you idiot! Just shut the fuck up and he'll stop!_ Leon pleaded with them.

"I'm okay!" Aerith called, sniffling. Cloud turned on her and slapped her again.

"_I said be quiet!_" he yelled. Cypress' banging and trying to force the door open intensified. Cloud was preoccupied with Aerith though. She was attempting to back away from him, her face drenched and frightened. She fumbled off the far edge of the bed and onto the floor.

"What happened to you?" she wailed at him, backing away until she hit the far wall. She was directly next to the en suite bathroom door and quickly hurried in and slammed it shut in his face. She leaned against the door, sobbing loudly. Cypress' commotion caught Cloud's attention once Aerith was out of sight and he stomped over to the door, taking a brief second to retrieve his sword. Leon's stomach turned to ice.

"What's happening? Aerith!" Cypress screamed. She let out a frustrated growl and kicked the door, which snapped Cloud's patience in half and blew the broken pieces into oblivion. He held the blade up as if he was going to throw a javelin and sent it sailing through the door. It slid through the wood like a hot knife through butter and Cypress' noise immediately ceased behind a startled choke. Leon stared at his computer, mouth open, stunned. Cloud shoved the entire blade through until the hilt clinked against the door before pulling it back again. Blood dripped off the tip, the broad side of it stained red. He went back to the bed and set his sword aside and lay with his face in the pillows as if none of it had happened.

Aerith timidly peeked out from the bathroom once she realized all was quiet again. She stared at Cloud, making sure he wasn't moving, possibly even asleep, before she sneaked out into the bedroom and headed towards the door. Either she was oblivious, or too scared to notice, but she completely missed the oblong gash in the door and Cloud's red sword lying around. She pulled the bedroom door open and stopped dead in her tracks as Cypress' body flopped into the doorway. She had been speared through the neck and chest, her entire front an unrecognizable mass of carnage and red. Leon felt sick to his stomach.

But then Aerith screamed. It was ear splitting and shrill, something out of a horror movie, and even hurt Leon's ears. She broke apart again, incomprehensible pleading sobs escaping her as her knees gave out and she crumpled to the floor. Cloud was awake again in an instant and fisted his hair, letting out a pained growling yell in retaliation. The look of absolute _rage_ in his face was the scariest thing Leon had seen in his life; it was almost inhuman. Every vein in the blonde's forehead was standing out and his eyes were so wide, they were almost rolling out of his head. Aerith didn't connect the noise to Cloud's problems and carried on in her horrified stupor.

Hardly three seconds passed before Cloud lost it. He was on his feet again quickly, sword in hand, and heading for Aerith. She let out a frightened squeal and scrambled to her feet again, backing away from him. She couldn't keep herself from bawling the entire time, which didn't help her case any. Her eyes grew impossibly wide as the blonde gripped the blade with two hands and swung around once, cleaving her in the side. Leon screamed that time; a quick, disbelieving sort of yell. The silence that followed was deafening.

The Buster Sword had gotten stuck in the girl, just a few inches past her spine. Her forearm was on the floor, completely severed from the rest of her arm. She was staring up at Cloud with ghostly shock, blood pouring out of the fresh opening. She coughed once, a sudden spurt of red escaping her lips. A few droplets landed on Cloud's chest. She gradually went limp, her legs collapsing out from under her; the blade being her only support. Cloud lifted a leg and put his foot on her chest, kicking her off his sword and letting her fall to the floor. He was having a hard time catching his breath and staggered out of the room afterward, leaving Aerith behind while her innards slipped out of her like slow moving lava.

Leon had to run to his bathroom before he could vomit on his computer. All he could hear was the wet slap of the girl's body landing on the floor as he turned his stomach inside out into the toilet bowl. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't rationalize, he couldn't do anything to help himself feel better or feel any less scared of his Charge. Once he was able to, he squished himself into the nearest corner in his bathroom, pulled his knees to his chest and started shaking.

_I can't do this. I can't fix this. I can't do anything for him anymore. He's gone. He's done. Game over. If I try to make contact, I'm going to say something stupid and he's going to kill me. I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I can't_, he repeated over and over to himself, gripping his hair and staring ahead of himself with large eyes.

He could hear yelling filtering through his dorm. There was a lot of crashing around and carrying on that made him a little concerned that Cloud may not have been finished. Despite the fear, despite the disgust and the revulsion, Leon couldn't get himself to completely hate his Charge just yet. Things hadn't sunk in completely, even if he thought the situation was hopeless already. It took every ounce of his courage to pull himself out of the bathroom to go check on Cloud. He had to force himself to maneuver his camera away from the slaughter in the bedroom without gagging again, but he eventually found the blonde in the living room.

Cloud had discarded his Buster Sword in the hallway and had smashed as much furniture to pieces as he could with his bare hands. He was out of control and thrashing around like an animal. Leon was seeing shades of the blonde's father from so many years prior and he sincerely hoped he would stop soon. Cloud would try to calm himself, holding his head in his hands and whimpering in pain to himself, but then he would stumble around and bump into something and the rage would bubble up again into another violent fit. There was banging on the front door that Cloud didn't notice.

"Is everything alright in there? The neighbors reported a disturbance!" someone called from the other side of the door. It opened slowly and Cloud's squad leader as well as a couple of other soldiers peeked into the house. A chair came sailing towards them and bashed into the far wall of the kitchen, sending splinters in all directions. They took that as a cue to come inside and survey the situation.

"Fuck, Strife, what are you doing?" one of the soldiers sighed when they saw Cloud rolling around on the floor in agony. Leon could see Marlene and Denzel watching all the commotion from the top of the stairs. They were huddling together in fear, but unable to make themselves look away. Cypress' body was in plain view over the railing and the Carrier's heart broke for them. The pair of soldiers didn't notice the children but went to help Cloud up. The blonde wasn't having any of it and punched one of them in the jaw. The other tackled him and attempted to pin him to the ground but Cloud tried to wriggle away again. The squad leader took a look around the house and found the two bodies. He heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head.

"Get him out of here. We need to worry about damage control," he ordered the two struggling in the living room. Cloud managed to worm his way out of their clutches and made a dash for the kitchen. He was laughing, a high pitched and crazed sound. Leon furrowed his brows, having never heard such a noise come from him before. The blonde didn't give the other three much time to react before he kicked the wood burning stove in the kitchen with all his strength, pulling its stand out of the floor and toppling it over. Hot cinders spilled onto the floorboards, scattering a dangerous spray in all directions. A good portion of them slipped into the debris from the chair he had thrown, immediately igniting the stuffing from the cushion.

The dry cottony fibers were like kindling and the fire spread over the pile quickly. Cloud watched it like a curious child, a twisted smile spread across his face. His distraction gave his squad members enough time to grab him and pull him away from the fascinating flames. He immediately started to resist again, forcing them to pay more attention to him than the fire as it started to spread. The house, the furnishings, and the decorations were all relatively old, and as a result, only helped the problem get worse. The dry floorboards, the old fabric of the curtains and rugs, and the wooden chairs and tables were easily eaten up. The soldiers wrestled Cloud out of the house and pinned him to the dirt outside. Leon followed after them, thankful his Charge was at least safe, if a little insane. But as he settled down again and watched Cloud being carried away, he remembered one important detail.

Marlene and Denzel were still in the house.

Leon didn't follow after Cloud. He was frozen in place, staring at the house as the flames picked up and formed a barricade in front of the door and windows in the kitchen. After ten minutes, smoke was billowing out of the upstairs windows. After another ten minutes, the fire had broken through the second story floor and was flowing freely through the windows up there as well. The screams of frightened children that echoed over the roar of the inferno would never leave Leon as he sat helplessly at his desk, unable to do anything for them.

Trying to go to sleep after everything he had seen was a fruitless endeavor. The silence in his room was the worst possible thing for him as his mind replayed the screams, the violence, the complete and utter destruction Cloud had caused himself. His Charge's entire life had been annihilated in less than an hour, and Leon couldn't think of how he was going to make any of it better. He could only hope that Cloud wouldn't remember any of it and that the people around him wouldn't say anything. The Carrier sincerely doubted that probability, but at the very least he knew the blonde was leaving in the morning and could get away from it quicker.

Leon gave up on sleep somewhere around three in the morning. He ended up trudging over to Rinoa's room and imposing himself on her. He told her he had had a bad dream and couldn't fall asleep again. He wished he wasn't lying. He hoped he would wake up in a few hours and have it all be something his imagination cooked up. She tried to question him, to pry into why he was so scared, but he couldn't say even though it all wanted to fall out of him in one long confession. She eventually gave up and settled for hugging him tight and trying to comfort him, whispering to him over and over again how it was going to be okay and that she was there for him no matter what.

He didn't believe her.

* * *

**A/N: **Have I ever mentioned how much I _really_ hate Aerith?


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay (as usual). Harvest Moon addictions are terrible things.

I think I should start an awareness group.

* * *

Chapter 32

Four legs were better than two legs, in Leon's opinion. Despite the fact that being a Carrier in a human world was difficult, he liked his Totem. In retrospect, he could've been much worse off. He couldn't imagine having something like a newt as a Totem, or some sort of tiny rodent. No, he was okay with lions. He only wished he could pet himself. He was willing to bet the texture of his fur felt different when felt with human hands versus his paws. But even if he couldn't figure that detail out for himself just yet, the biggest perk was not having to do anything.

When he was in his Primal form, he was pretty much confined to his dorm with all the doors and windows locked. That was alright. He couldn't do much other than sleep, and so he stretched himself along his couch and did just that. Sometimes he left his computer on, just in case, but even as it sat on the floor where he could see it, there wasn't much there to keep him awake. He was watching Cloud lay around in a virtual coma.

The blonde had been sedated once he had been hauled away from the fire in Nibelheim. That was almost three days ago and he was still asleep. Leon vaguely wondered if they actually put him in a literal coma, but he couldn't be too sure without finding some paperwork or something. Tiny bug arms were not much help when it came to picking through files. He only hoped no damage would be done to his Charge, even if Cloud scared the ever living shit out of him. He sincerely hoped he could get over it eventually; preferably before they left.

The Carrier had thought a lot about what Reno had said to him. He did a bit of soul searching during his restless nights following Aerith's death. He seriously considered leaving, forgetting about Cloud, and moving on to a Charge that _wasn't_ homicidal. His good friend Impatience stopped by for a visit after that, though. Impatience told him he was being stupid and judgmental. Cloud wasn't really homicidal. He was a victim. Giving up after twenty-some-odd years of watching and waiting because his Charge wasn't the most privileged man in the world was an enormous waste and he may as well not have left for Plane 087 in the first place.

So he was trying to force himself to see things a different way. Ever since Cloud was old enough to walk, Leon had been paying attention to what the blonde did, versus who he was. He realized he knew virtually nothing about his Charge's personality. When Cloud was younger and even up until he left for the military, he was around Aerith. The blonde's entire life had been focused on and shared with her in some fashion so now that she was gone, what was left? He was bound to be different, but Leon didn't know enough about him as individual to answer the unknowns. Of course, once recruited, whatever personality Cloud had was squashed under Mako's influence so even now, after his revelation, Leon didn't feel like he would make much progress. But the very least he had a new focus. He felt better because of it, but that didn't help him sleep. He could still see the blood on the floorboards once he closed his eyes.

After it was clear that Cloud wasn't going anywhere still, Leon rolled around on the couch attempting to get comfortable. He took his fitful nap, and awoke a couple hours later to the same scene he had fallen asleep to: Cloud's unconscious face. Even after he changed back, the blonde still wasn't awake. He stayed that way for almost a week. He woke up on his own, but didn't get up for almost an hour after. Even then, his movements were lethargic and unsteady. He looked like he had been hit by a bus and had all his pieces glued back together with rubber cement.

Cloud seemed to be at a loss. He sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his face, and trying to pull himself together. Leon knew his Charge knew something was off. How much he remembered, the Carrier couldn't say, but if he could recall all the damage he caused, he obviously wasn't very concerned about it yet. The blonde left his camera's lens though, and went to take a long shower. Leon let him have his peace and tried to focus on his studying for a bit.

When he came back, Cloud didn't seem much better. In fact, he looked a lot worse. His hands were shaking, his movements were slow, he winced as he walked, and he had to hold himself up with the wall. His pack of supplies had been dumped in his room with him when he came back from Nibelheim and was sitting next to his dresser. The blonde inched his way towards it and flopped to his knees next to it. He shuffled around its contents and retrieved a case that looked extremely familiar. It was the same sort of case Sam, his father, had hidden under the kitchen sink so many years ago. Inside were a couple of pre-measured syringes of Mako, as expected. Leon sighed as Cloud injected himself with one's contents.

After sitting on the floor for a few minutes, letting things sink in and become normal again, the blonde was able to move much easier. The Carrier was a bit amazed at the recovery, even though he knew it was temporary and more damaging than it was worth. The blonde changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and left his room. Leon hitched a ride on the end of his Charge's pant leg. He had no idea where they were going, but was happy when Cloud found his commanding officer. The C.O. meant possible answers.

"Welcome to the realm of the living once again, Strife," the C.O. said. Cloud gave him a sarcastic and unenergetic salute.

"How the hell did we get back here so fast?" the blonde asked. Leon raised a brow.

"You've been out for a week, you know."

"Oh. No I didn't. That sort of explains it, then, doesn't it?"

"Do you remember where you were before you woke up?"

"Nibelheim."

"Good. Anything else?"

"What do you mean 'anything else?' It was boring as hell. The only saving grace was where I got to sleep."

_He doesn't remember_, Leon sighed, almost giddily. He didn't want to have to deal with Cloud's trauma. If the blonde didn't remember, then there was no trauma, right?

"Nibelheim is gone, Strife. Poof. Dead."

_Or not_.

"…What?" Cloud asked, raising a brow with a deep frown.

"One of the riots got violent once we left and the new squad couldn't handle it. There was a huge fire and a couple of buildings fell apart… it was just all kinds of bad. A lot of people died, but hey, now they don't have to bulldoze anything to make room for the Mako reactor. Shinra Corps. can just plop it in the town square," the C.O. said with a hearty laugh. Cloud furrowed his brows.

"How… how many people died?"

"A good chunk. The only people left are the little kids and the old people, essentially. The uprising had pretty much the entire town in attendance. What's ironic is, they were upset about the Mako reactor killing everything, but then they destroyed it all any-damn-way. It was probably only a couple people that got really violent and it was just a domino effect from there, but the end result is the same. It's a useless husk, now. General Strahl was there for it. He's been going on about it for days."

"But… we were just there… and everything was fine…" Cloud trailed. The C.O. shrugged and waved a dismissive hand.

"Doesn't matter. It was a shithole little dump. It had no other purpose other than what was underneath it. There's a huge deposit of the Lifestream under there. Like a big fat water balloon just begging to be popped."

_Is this man five years old?_ Leon scoffed. No one seemed to take their ranks seriously in the Midgar military. They all talked as if they were college buddies just hanging around; it didn't matter if someone held authority over someone else. Then again, if there was ever an obedience problem, a truckload of Mako in the veins seemed to help.

"How would I figure out if someone survived?" Cloud asked.

"You don't. You'd have to go back there and see for yourself, but your skinny ass needs to get back into formation and run laps. Fortunately for you, you got to sleep for a week. But you missed a lot of drills and you better make damn sure you make it all up to me."

"But… I have to go bac—"

"Now, Strife."

"But—"

"_Now!_" the C.O. yelled. Cloud sighed deeply, hesitated, but relented and went to go join the rest of his squad. Watching the blonde run around in circles wasn't Leon's idea of a party so he returned to his books and waited for something interesting to happen.

A couple hours later, and not much had changed. Cloud was being run ragged by his commanding officer, getting cranky, sweating profusely, and was obviously not having any fun. The Carrier would admit that the amount of pushups his Charge could do in one session was impressive, but other than that, nothing was going on. That is, until Sephiroth showed up. He and Cloud's C.O. had a brief discussion on the other side of the training grounds before the blonde was called over to join them. Once he got closer, and subsequently Leon got closer, the Carrier noticed the General's eyes shining with the biggest shit-eating grin to match them. Sephiroth was tweaked, but _way_ too happy about it.

"Ah, there you are. Have a nice nap?" the General asked, draping his arm around Cloud's shoulders and leaning in gleefully. Leon scowled. Cloud raised a brow.

"I guess?" the blonde responded uneasily. Sephiroth stood straight again and have him a firm pat on the back, which was more like a slap since Cloud lurched forward from the force.

"Good! I've heard a lot of stories about you and I decided that you and I need to be _best_ friends."

"…Sir?" the blonde questioned, giving the General a leery look-over. Sephiroth laughed.

"Don't look so scared. This is an opportunity for you, believe me. Come on. Walk with me," he insisted happily and nudged Cloud to follow him as he headed off in the other direction. The blonde trailed after him warily. Sephiroth talked over his shoulder to him, gesturing with his hands excitedly for emphasis. "If I had ten thousand more soldiers like you, Balamb would be dust in a matter of minutes. I've read the reports, heard of all the things you've done, the people you've killed, the strength you have, and I decided that you being here is a serious waste of time. But! Before I send you away where you'll be most effective, I wanted to give you a present to help you be the best soldier you could possibly be."

"I'm not sure what to say…" Cloud faded. He was mostly paying attention to the floor and Sephiroth's boots, but Leon could tell that that's where his attention span ended. The blonde seemed too deep in thought to fully understand what was happening.

"Think nothing of it! Just keep up what you're doing and don't change a thing. Now," Sephiroth said, pushing a pair of large doors open and heading into what looked to be a garage of sorts. Vehicles and machines of all types were lined up and waiting to be used. Armored cars, miniature tanks and assault vehicles, motorcycles, wagons, vans, carriers, everything Leon could imagine was in sight, even some things he had never seen nor heard of before. Sephiroth led Cloud over to the motorcycles where there was a small grouping covered in a tarp. "These are our newest toys. I want you to learn how to operate one of these so I can ship you off overseas. The men over there already are having a blast with them, or so I hear."

"Where am I going, exactly?" Cloud asked confusedly.

"Galbadia."

_Galbadia… That's so close_, Leon realized. Butterflies erupted in his stomach and his heart sped up.

"I was actually going to request to go back to Nibelheim," Cloud muttered, looking none too thrilled.

"Pff! Don't be ridiculous. You don't have a purpose there anymore. You did your job. Time to move on," Sephiroth said, pulling the tarp off of the group of motorcycles. They were enormous for what they were. Huge machines covered in a sleek black frame that was a little too bulky for Leon's tastes. Most of the weight of the bike seemed to be in the back with the chrome, black, and bronze mechanics, but the front had a massive wheel that looked like it could weigh just as much. As soon as he saw it, Cloud's expression turned from 'I'm worried sick' to 'oooh, shiny.'

"That is a very sexy machine," he said simply. Sephiroth laughed.

"I'm inclined to agree. This is a Fenrir. You have six months to learn everything about this thing inside and out. You'll be its mechanic, and it will be your main mode of transportation for just about everything you do from here on out. You may as well get married to it and have little unicycle children together. But in addition to the bike itself, you'll have to relearn your combat skills. It accommodates a variation of the standard Buster Sword and it'll take some getting used to. But I'm confident you'll be fine."

"What will I do with it once I get to Galbadia? Other than ride around and scare people with it? Is there some sort of plan I should know about?"

"Our hold on Galbadia is strong, but we're attempting to move forward, as always. We've had the country under our occupation for a while now, and there's a lot of development happening that we need support for. We also need to expand to accommodate it all. Deling City is a nice thing to have, but we're working on remodeling their missile base to house our armaments too. In order to do that and get it finished, we've had to call in Shinra Corps to come and install a Mako reactor. They're using an abandoned underground prison as their base. Once that's all set (it shouldn't take more than a year or so) then we can move forward, take Dollet and Timber, and then we'll have two port cities right on the Balamb capitol border."

_Fuck_, Leon spat.

"Makes sense. But why is Shinra using a prison for their base?"

"Their Headquarters has one underneath it, and that's where we keep the prisoners of war we take from Balamb. They do it as an added security measure because Balamb is way too soft to shoot off a bunch of missiles at their own men. Having a prison under the only Mako reactor on Balamb soil is almost a no-brainer for that same reason. Plus, its way more secure than just taking over a huge farm or an office building or something. It saves us a lot of time and resources since it's already built and waiting for us."

"Ah. Okay," Cloud said, sounding a little bored. His mind was over the novelty of the Fenrir and it was slowly drifting back to where it was before. Sephiroth leaned over the side of the motorcycle and pulled open a little compartment where a set of keys was being stored. He took them, and handed them off to Cloud with a pat on his shoulder. The blonde stared at his hand blankly.

"Don't look so excited," he said with a smirk. Cloud blinked a few times and looked to him.

"Sorry, I'm a little distracted. It's a lot to take in. Um… thanks. I think," he said. The General laughed.

"You're quite welcome. Like I said, just keep doing what you're doing. You'll go far if you do."

* * *

Later that evening, Jessie came to visit. Cloud had spent most of his evening quietly staring at Aerith's pictures, stewing in his thoughts. He didn't look upset anymore. He looked numb. Empty. Vacant. Leon was worried, but had more pertinent things to think about. The new information he had heard about Midgar's advances was swimming around in his head like an itch he couldn't scratch. He knew he shouldn't interfere and tell anyone anything but the guilt was killing him. He was thankful when Jessie showed up when she did, otherwise he might have drove himself insane with the silence.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, taking a seat next to Cloud on his bed. She looked a little better today. More clothing and less makeup seemed to do wonders for her. She still wasn't what she used to be, but at least she wasn't looking like gutter trash. "I know you weren't feeling well and slept a lot last week. I also heard you got a sort-of promotion and you get to ride a Fenrir. That's awesome."

"Did you hear about Nibelheim?"

"…I was hoping you hadn't," she admitted sheepishly, picking at the sleeve of her oversized sweater.

"Then you know how I'm feeling," he said flatly. She frowned.

"I sort of resolved myself to staying here, so I can't say I feel much different. I just hope everyone's okay and it isn't as bad as they say it is."

"I'm worried about Aerith."

"I am too."

"I want to go back."

"I do too."

"I'm trying to think of ways to do it."

"You can't get assigned there again?"

"I'm going to Galbadia supposedly."

"Oh… do you know when?"

"Whenever they think I'm ready. Six months or so, maybe," Cloud sighed. "I would feel better knowing if I should worry or not. This… sitting around without closure is killing me."

"Have you tried contacting Barret?"

"I don't even know how. He comes to me."

"Oh. Well, maybe I can help," Jessie said, pulling a leg up onto the bed and folding it under herself. "I can ask around and see if I can get someone to call him or something. I was prepared to just wait it out and see, but I'm willing to help you."

"You really think you can get someone to find her for me? Or just… figure out if she's okay? Even if it's not Barret, I don't really care so long as I know," the blonde said, sounding almost desperate. Jessie nodded with a tiny smile and patted his leg.

"I'll figure something out. I'd like to know, too."

"Thank you. I'll make it up to you."

* * *

Selphie was gradually becoming more and more serious about her Festival Committee duties. Leon honestly thought he was just helping stuff a few flowers in the ground and that was the end of it, but apparently he was a fully fledged member. He woke up one morning to find a flyer taped to his door telling him about a Committee meeting he was supposed to go to. He hadn't heard anything about the Committee for months, so the message was a little surprising. After his classes that day, he showed up in the library with a look of confusion. There were more people there than he had anticipated, including Zell and Seifer, Irvine, Rinoa, Selphie of course, and Quistis.

"Oh my gosh yay!" Selphie squealed when she noticed him standing awkwardly in the entryway. Quistis, who was standing up front with the hyper Committee leader, smiled at him.

"Glad you could make it," she said.

"I'm not really sure why I'm here," he admitted, taking a seat next to Rinoa, who had deposited herself in the back. Irvine was all the way in the front and she watched the back of his head warily.

"Well there's more to this meeting than what Selphie probably let on," the instructor said. They continued the small talk amongst one another for another ten minutes before Selphie decided everyone who was going to show was there already. Then Quistis got right to the point. "Headmaster Cid is looking for volunteers. If you agree, instead of taking your traditional field exam for your final, you'll be given a pass provided your performance is adequate. All of you need to take some sort of test in order to progress into your next year so getting it out of the way early might be of interest to you. Plus, it'd be valuable experience."

"Who are we killing?" Seifer blurted obnoxiously. Quistis rolled her eyes.

"It's anacondaur mating season and they're wreaking havoc in Dollet. The mayor asked us if we can send over some cadets to help control the situation. They've already had some people get attacked and it's only going to get worse. If you accept, you'll all go over there for a few weeks until the season is over and things get peaceful again. But, once you're finished, if everything worked out well enough and you all acted as you're supposed to, then you'll pass and just come back to take your written exams."

Leon recognized the word 'anacondaur' from the books he had gone over with Zack. If he remembered correctly, they were a type of enormous snake; huge constrictors that used a sort of necrotic poison if it felt threatened enough. The thought of a twenty foot snake wrapping around him was not something he considered appealing, but finishing his first year hunting them sounded okay. It was much better than going one-on-one with his fellow students and possibly getting burned alive or electrocuted by the magic users. A change of scenery and a break from Rinoa's pushiness seemed okay too, though he felt bad admitting it.

"I guess there's no point in me being here," Rinoa said with a tiny sigh.

"Sorry, I sort of put the fliers on everyone's doors, not just the members," Selphie mumbled, shuffling her foot.

"I'm not a member, either. I was just curious to see what was up," Zell piped over his shoulder to Rinoa. "I'm glad I came though, this sounds way better than doing practice rounds," he added.

"When would we leave?" Irvine chimed.

"Sunday," Quistis said. It was Thursday.

"That's pretty short notice."

"This _is_ the military. Plans change on a whim, and if you can't deal with it then you shouldn't be here."

"What, is it going to interfere with your hair appointment?" Seifer asked snidely, garnering a small glare from Irvine in return. "What the fuck else are you going to do?"

"Was that really necessary?" Quistis asked. Seifer gave her a cocky smirk and a scoff.

"Is there a sign-up sheet or something?" Leon asked, hoping to steer the conversation back into useful territory. Quistis glanced at him before she nodded and crouched behind one of the tables and dug around in her bag. She retrieved a large day planner and pulled out a few sheets of paper and handed it off to Irvine with a pen.

"You're going?" Rinoa asked him when the sheet got to Leon and he was scribbling his name on the line. He glanced at her.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" he asked.

"Because you'd miss me?" she guessed.

"It's only for a few weeks."

"…So you _wouldn't_ miss me?"

"Of course I would," he lied.

"But you're still going."

"Yes."

"I don't want you to," she whined.

"Well… too bad? I'm not really sure what you want me to say. I'm not going to hold myself back if I have an opportunity to get ahead. I'm sorry you weren't aware of that."

"You'll still pass if you stay here, and you wouldn't have to leave me," she defended. Leon sighed and rubbed his eyebrows.

"Don't start this here, please," he muttered angrily. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Fine. We'll talk later."

Little did Leon know that 'later' meant 'twenty seconds after everyone started to leave.' He got all of ten minutes of peace before Rinoa started badgering him again. She talked and talked and talked and talked all the way back to his dorm about how dangerous it could be and how much she would worry about him. All Leon could think about was how he could get her to be quiet. Stuffing his penis in her mouth didn't seem like an adequate solution in that context, even though it worked all the other times he wanted silence. He considered running into his dorm and locking her out. But by the time he thought that up, they were already halfway through the door together.

"—and I just don't understand why it's more appealing to go out and possibly die than stay here, get the same result, but do it in a safe environment," she said.

"It's just a snake," he clipped.

"But it's a really really really big snake. I hate snakes."

"Please stop nagging me."

"But I'm just worried about you—"

"Do you not understand that I have just as much of a chance at getting hurt there as I do here? Nothing is perfectly safe in this place. It's still the military, it's still violent, it's still dangerous! It doesn't matter where the fuck I am because the risk is all the same! Get it through your head already otherwise you're going to drive me insane!" he barked at her.

"I'm just trying to keep you safe!"

"Fine. Then let's leave. I obviously can't be trusted with anything sharper than a butter knife because it's 'unsafe' so living here around all this pointy shit is _obviously_ a cause for concern. Let's move away into the countryside and live in a nice soft plastic bubble where nothing can get in or out so we'd be safe from everything the world has. Would that make you happy? Would that get you to _shut up_?"

"Why are you getting so defensive?" she asked, obviously hurt.

"Because you're not my mother, for one thing, and because you're trying to hold me back. I don't like that. Trying to convince me to not do something that would put me ahead in life is a _really_ quick way to get under my skin. All I want to do is take a fucking test so I can finish and move onto my second year and you're making it sound like I'm purposefully blowing you off and disregarding you. Like I have some huge grudge against you and the _entire_ reason I want to do this is to get away from you. Well, that might become part of the reason if you don't accept my choice and move on," he said harshly. Getting away from her was simply a perk, not the entire reason for his acceptance.

"But you signed up to leave so readily; what was I supposed to think?"

"Rinoa, stop. You're over thinking things again. Stop upsetting yourself."

"Well if it isn't true, why are you still leaving?"

"Because it's my life! My decision! Why are a few weeks away so fucking detrimental? It's not like I'm going on some wild trip with a bunch of other women who pledged to spend at least half of that time naked around me. Do you seriously think I'm leaving so I can sleep around and… party or something? Think about that for a second. _Me_ at a _party_," he said, giving her a meaningful look. She stayed quiet and looked away from him. He furrowed his brows together. "That is it, isn't it? You think I'm that easy? That dishonest? I'm insulted."

"It's just that…" she trailed, hesitating for too long. Leon may not have loved her, but he certainly didn't hate her. He was annoyed by her on a lot of occasions but the instances were forgettable and petty. He wasn't nearly to the point of frustration in their relationship that he would be unfaithful.

"What?"

"Maybe I'm a little paranoid, but you're so distant… sometimes I wonder."

"There isn't much I can do about that. All I can say is that it's not true and agree that you're paranoid," he said. She stayed quiet, looking down at the floor. "Is that not good enough? Am I supposed to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness for something I never even did?"

"Do you love me?" she asked quietly. His stomach turned to ice. He considered lying to her, but that would invite more problems in the long run for him. He decided to be honest.

"I can't," he said. It wasn't exactly a lie; it was more like a partial truth. She seemed surprised and stared at him confusedly.

"Can't? Like you want to, but something's keeping you from it, or can't like you don't have the ability to?"

"A little of both," he admitted. He couldn't if he wanted to, but at the same time he didn't want to. He wasn't prepared to flat out tell her 'I'd fuck you, but I don't want to stay with you forever' since it seemed a little heartless. He appreciated the companionship, but that was pretty much the end of it.

"I don't understand…"

"It's complicated."

"I'd at least like you to _try_ to explain."

"That would delve into the things I'd rather not share. But it doesn't have anything to do with you," he lied. He couldn't help himself in the end. He wasn't prepared to deal with her tears nor was he willing to push her away and isolate himself again. It was a vicious cycle. She let out a frustrated sigh.

"I hate that you hide things from me."

"I know you do. I've apologized before and I'll keep doing it."

"Or you could just tell me."

"No," he said flatly, ending the conversation. "Nothing's changed. Nothing's new or different. You don't have to worry. Just let me go to Dollet without making me feel guilty, please. That's all I'm asking of you."

"Fine," she grumped. "But if you get hurt, don't you dare come crying to me. I'll be pissed."

"Deal."

* * *

Friday rolled around and Leon didn't know what to think. Cloud hadn't changed much. It was worrisome yet relieving at the same time. He kept waiting for the blonde to explode and do something drastic with all the pent up worry, but he never did. He returned to his zombie-like state and waited around until Jessie finally approached him with information. Leon didn't want to think about the things the girl might have had to do in order to obtain the tidbits but he was thankful she brought something new to wake Cloud up. He didn't like to see his Charge so blank and empty.

"She's gone, Cloud," Jessie said carefully, watching the blonde closely. She was sitting next to him on his bed. Leon couldn't figure out how much the girl knew. Had she found the soldiers that had discovered Aerith? Did she know it was Cloud's fault? And if she did, was she going to say anything? Regardless, his Charge was quiet for a long while. He eventually took a deep breath.

"…Okay," he said. Leon furrowed his brows.

_That's it?_

"Are you… upset? In denial? I can't tell," Jessie admitted. The blonde glanced at her and shrugged.

"No, not in denial. I was preparing myself for it. Thanks. Confirmation is good."

"I was expecting you to be a bit more hysterical."

"Sorry. I've been thinking a lot."

"About how she was probably gone?"

"That, and what I'm going to do."

"Do?"

"With myself. She was all that I had. I don't have a home to return to and I don't have a family. It's just me. I… don't know what to do," he said, staring off into space in front of himself.

_It's okay. You can come home with me and we can make a fort out of couch cushions to live in. Houses are overrated. We'll worry about the family once we get there._

"Well… you're here. You can try to make the most of it and try to make it a career. That's what Biggs did. He seemed happy the last time I saw him."

"Maybe. I just… need to think about it. I need to be by myself for a bit," he said. Jessie nodded and stood.

"Did you want a hug?" she asked. Cloud shook his head and stayed in his spot.

"No. I'm fine," he said. Leon scowled. Jessie sighed a bit.

"If you say so. Goodnight."

"Night," the blonde said, watching her leave.

That was the moment Leon expected the blonde to fall apart. He could understand holding out until Jessie left to save some pride, but even as the minutes ticked by and the news sunk in, Cloud didn't react. The Carrier was worried. He wondered how much his Charge remembered and that maybe he was trying to come to terms with what he did. Maybe he was in shock. Leon couldn't tell, and it was frustrating. The longer Cloud stayed silent and blank, the more it made him angry. He didn't want a zombie for a Charge.

When Friday rolled into Saturday, things started to pick up, but it wasn't how Leon had expected things to go. He expected the blonde to be depressed and unresponsive, but it was quite the contrary. He was quiet, but he seemed more focused on doing more things. Training, hanging around with other soldiers, being a part of the pseudo-community the base had versus imploding on himself and hiding in his room. His interactions with the others were minimal, but much more than he had been doing beforehand.

By that evening, Leon was getting suspicious. Cloud's behavior seemed to be turning for the worse. He didn't seem to care as much about certain things anymore. Like drinking. A few of his squad members invited him along to go watch the strippers and Cloud actually sat with them and did just as they did, which was drink and be obnoxious. Before, the blonde seemed to avoid things that would inhibit him, or make him feel guilty to admit doing. Either he saw Aerith as something like a burden on his social life and was rebelling to spite her now that she was gone, or he just didn't see the point in giving a damn anymore. Either way, Leon didn't like it. His least favorite moment was when it came time to leave. Cloud went so far as to take a girl back to his room with him.

_The hell is he doing?_ He asked himself when Cloud abruptly shoved the woman onto his bed. She didn't resist and submitted to him quickly when he started pulling at her clothing and pushing her around as he pleased. She ended up on all fours with her face smashed into his pillow as the blonde proceeded to have his way with her. She attempted to protest and tell him he was hurting her but he wasn't listening and simply sped up, pounding into her with bruising force. She quickly gave up and kept quiet, gripping his sheets tightly and squeezing her eyes shut as the tears leaked free. Leon stared at his computer screen with a combination of shock and disgust.

Once Cloud was finished with her, he didn't even let her stay. He got up, pulled her out of the bed, pushed her out into the hall, shoved her clothes in her arms and slammed the door in her face. He was silent the entire time, which was unsettling. The lack of emotion was more disturbing than his actions, in Leon's opinion. Had his Charge been happy with what he did, he would've settled for it. At least then he would know that the blonde still had the capability of feeling something. But he got nothing. Once the girl was gone, he took a shower, got into his pajamas, and went to sleep like nothing had ever happened. He didn't stare at Aerith's picture for hours beforehand, he didn't cry, he didn't scream, he didn't do anything he should have been doing.

He was just giving up.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 33

Leon packed with lightning speed. He was so happy to get away from Rinoa and the awkwardness she had created between them. Granted, he knew he wasn't A+ boyfriend material, but he was relieved to be getting away for a bit. The only thing that would've made the trip better was if it was happening six months later. Galbadia was extremely close to Dollet and if Cloud was going to Galbadia, well, Leon would've bid his permanent farewells and just jumped on a train to the other city. But, his Charge was still in Midgar.

Dollet was just a few hours away from Balamb by boat. Everyone pretty much took a nap on the way there. Aside from Selphie, Zell, Seifer, Irvine, Quistis, and himself, there were only a couple other students going with them; much less than the Carrier had anticipated. It was fine with him, though. He didn't need a thousand people he didn't know crowding around him. As if to solidify his isolation, Leon was one of the few people who stayed awake during the trip. He took roost on deck and poked at his computer. No one bothered him, and the peace was well appreciated.

They weren't on a proper mission for the military, so their little vessel was a passenger boat that could hold _maybe_ fifty people if it tried hard enough. It safely squeezed between the other boats in the harbor and everyone filed out quietly onto the boardwalk. Selphie was the one with the most luggage; which meant Irvine had the most out of everyone since somewhere along the line he ended up carrying both of theirs. Leon didn't ask questions and just assumed that Irvine finally got the chance to ask the hyper brunette out. It was either that, or Irvine was a pushover. Both were plausible scenarios.

There was a bus waiting for them when they arrived and everyone took a seat. Something Leon noticed was that Seifer and Zell made every effort to stay away from one another. The Carrier understood the secrecy, but at the same time, he wondered if either of them was truly happy with the way things were. The entire situation was intriguing regardless of how much he knew it wasn't any of his business. The bus took them through the city towards the mountains. There was a hotel near the back gate that led out into the wilderness, and that's where they were to stay. They went inside, Quistis checked them in, and handed off room keys to everyone.

"Are these room assignments set in stone?" Seifer asked abruptly. Quistis raised a brow.

"Why?" she asked. Leon looked at Seifer's key. He noticed he had the same number on his. He scowled.

"I'm a little curious, myself," the Carrier said. Quistis rolled her eyes.

"Oh honestly!" she sighed. "Grow up. Yes they're permanent. You know why? Because your maturity apparently needs some adjustment. I'm asking you to sleep in the general vicinity of each other; not get married. You'll be fine. If not, then you aren't going to get very far. As for the rest of the day," she said, turning to look at everyone in the lobby. "You all have until tomorrow to do as you please. We're getting up early for a briefing so we can start. Remember you're representing the school here, so be on your best behavior. I would suggest staying armed when in this area as the anacondaurs are out and prevalent."

"Yes ma'am," everyone mumbled. Quistis nodded and headed off for her own room, giving the signal that they were free. Selphie followed after her with her bags, as she was the only other woman there and they were apparently sharing a room. Everyone else drifted away, leaving Seifer and Leon in the lobby, glaring at one another.

"Keep your fairy dust off my things, and we'll be fine," the blonde spat. Leon rolled his eyes and followed after him towards their room.

"Did you want me to give Zell my key?" he asked when the door closed behind them. Seifer scoffed and tossed his bag on one of the beds.

"Do whatever you want."

"I don't understand where the hostility comes from. I never did anything to you without you starting something first, you know."

"Shut up."

Leon sighed and shook his head. There was a knock on the door and he went to answer. It was Zell. "Oh. Good timing."

"What did he do?" Zell asked with an exasperated huff.

"Nothing. I was just leaving," Leon said and bypassed the other and stepped out into the hall.

"So soon? We just got here."

"I'm going to make an effort to be out of the room as much as possible."

"Oh…" Zell trailed, sending Seifer a tiny glare. He stepped into the room and grabbed the rectangular case that held Leon's Gunblade and shoved it in the Carrier's hands. "If you're going out there, you really need to be armed."

"…Think so?" Leon asked with a raised brow.

"We're practically six feet away from Galbadia, meaning Midgar, and we're surrounded by twenty foot snakes. Yeah. I think so."

"Good point," the Carrier agreed and unclipped the lock on his case. He had been confused when some random girl showed up at his door dragging the box behind herself. She could hardly lift it but was tasked with delivering it to him anyway. But he quickly understood what it was and took it from her so she could stand up straight. That was the only pleasurable experience he had had with the blade. He wanted to forget it ever existed. But he agreed with Zell's very valid reasoning and fastened the annoying blade to his side. It came with two belts of excess ammunition that lay crisscrossed over his pelvis, ready for use. He handed the case back to Zell. "Satisfied, mother?"

"Yes. Now be a good boy and behave yourself. Don't talk to strangers. Stand up straight. Eat your vegetables. And… whatever. Just don't be stupid."

"I'll be fine," Leon laughed, taking his leave. The door clicked shut and he immediately tried to forget Seifer and Zell were alone in his room together. He left the hotel and headed back the way everyone came on the bus. He didn't really know where he was going, and he hoped he wouldn't get lost, but he just knew he wanted nothing to do with his hotel room. Walking around and window shopping was his best avenue for entertainment.

He eventually found himself in the town center. People milled around the large fountain in the middle of the cobblestone square, most of which were armed. The men carried very obvious guns with them; some even had swords or simple oversized knives. There were very few women walking around without male accompaniment, but the ones that did had much of the same arsenal. No one gave Leon and his oversized blade a second glance. It was sort of refreshing even if he still felt horribly out of place. But before his anxiety got the better of him, he saw a red dot in the distance. He politely nudged his way through the people and around the fountain until he could confirm his suspicions.

"Reno!" he barked, his anger bubbling up and playing out on his face blatantly. The redhead was standing outside the entrance to a bar talking with Rude and two other people. He was dressed in a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath. While the other three people with him wore their suit jackets neatly closed with neckties, Reno opted to wear his sloppily and kept his shirt loose and half open. He had a metal rod fastened to his side which clicked against the wall of the building when he turned around quickly to meet Leon's angry eyes.

"Holy fu—" he sentence was cut off abruptly when Leon's fist collided with his jaw. Reno staggered but the russet Carrier grabbed the front of his jacket and shook him, keeping him upright.

"_WHERE THE __**FUCK**__ HAVE YOU BEEN?_" Leon roared in his face. If he wasn't attracting attention before, he certainly was now. He heard a click and felt something cold and cylindrical press against his temple. He froze, straining to see out of the corners of his eyes without moving.

"R-relax. Everyone relax," Reno stammered. He held up his hand and waved at one of his companions. "Tseng, seriously. It's okay. I totally deserved it."

"You're sure?" the supposed 'Tseng' asked. Reno nodded and the cylinder left the russet Carrier's skin. The redhead sighed and looked at Leon again.

"Care to have a seat and sit like a civilized person?"

"You going to run off and not talk to me for another year?"

"Missed me did you?"

"You're the only one who understands."

"Aw, I missed you too," Reno twittered with a smile. He looked to the other three. "I'll catch up with you guys in a bit," he said. The others left quietly, heading into the bar and leaving them outside. "I'm done with you wrinkling my shirt. Let me go."

"It's already wrinkly. You look like a hobo," Leon said, taking a step back. Reno brushed the material back into place and stretched his jaw, rubbing his chin a bit.

"That was an awful greeting, by the way. You scared the hell out of me."

"Good. I meant to. Care to explain what happened to you?"

"Well, I was over our little tête à tête after a couple days but I didn't have any time to call you back. I did a couple times but you never answered so I figured you were still angry at me."

"I called you… a lot. I'm having a hard time believing we missed each other _that_ much. I thought you were still mad at _me_."

"Would've served you right if I was; lucky for you I'm just really bad at holding grudges."

"A lot has happened. I really could've used some encouragement," Leon sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Reno frowned.

"I'd give you a hug but that might come off as a little weird in such mixed company."

"It's fine. I don't want one."

"Break my heart why don't you?"

"I already have. Time to move on to other things."

"Well, let's take a seat inside and you can share your woes with me," Reno urged, nudging Leon towards the door of the bar. It was a small place, hardly big enough to seat 20 people, but it was mostly empty and dark. The trio that had come in before them were all holed up at one table together, talking quietly amongst themselves with a couple of drinks already on the table. Reno pulled Leon along to a table in the opposite corner of them where it was the quietest. It also happened to be the darkest corner. They both ordered glasses of water when the waitress came to their table. They waited for her to bring them before they started talking.

"_I take it you've established some sort of connection with Rude?_" Leon asked quietly. In order to keep things completely anonymous, he switched languages and started speaking in his native tongue so only Reno could understand. It took him a minute to stumble through the sentence and get his bearings with the words he hadn't used for over twenty years, but once he got it again, it was like riding a bike. One never forgets. Reno raised a brow at the language but shrugged and let it slide.

"_Working on something more, but he's my buddy, yeah. We're supposed to be talking about you, by the way._"

"_I've thought a lot about what you told me. Unfortunately the thoughts came at the worst possible time, so I don't have any information that'd make you cream your panties. Sorry in advance._"

"_I'm not sure I understand._"

"_Valuing Cloud and all that. It's… hard to talk about. I value him as a person, and more so as my Charge, but he's done so much and hurt so many people that it's fogging over everything and making it hard to see past his sins. I value him for what he could be, but I hate him for what he is. He's… he's a murderer._"

"_Is this still about that weird gay kid?_" Reno asked. Leon shook his head with a deep sigh.

"_No. He killed Aerith_," he mumbled. The redhead's brows furrowed together and he stared at the other Carrier in disbelief.

"_You're not serious._"

"_I wish I was lying._"

"_Fuck. When?_"

"_Almost a couple weeks ago_."

"…_I'm—I don't know what to say to that. How's he taking it?_"

"_He knows she's dead. He just thinks she died in a riot that broke out over the Mako reactor that's supposed to go up in Nibelheim soon._"

"_Are you going to tell him the truth?_"

"_No. What purpose would that serve?_"

"_I was just wondering_," Reno said, leaning back in his seat and slouching a bit. "_What are you going to do?_"

"_I don't know. Part of me wants to forget about him and go home_," Leon said, a lump forming in his chest. Reno furrowed his brows sympathetically. The russet Carrier leaned forward and folded his arms on the table to rest his head on. He heaved a heavy sigh. "_I'm so tired. I haven't even started yet, either. Why is everything so much more difficult for me_?" he mumbled. Reno pet his hair a bit.

"_I'm not really sure. But I know you'd feel awful for the rest of your life if you gave up now. Seeing as how long we live, that could be a while. Would you be prepared enough to live with that?_"

"_I know I can't leave him here. There's no question in my mind that I'll eventually take him home with me, but it doesn't help the hopelessness I feel. Even if I do get him to cross over, what's to say that anything will change? I'll still be scared of him. He may even be scared of himself. I can't even imagine trying to cope with that. I'm having a hard time keeping myself together and I wasn't even there. It wasn't my girlfriend, either._"

"_I wish I had something supportive to say. I honestly don't know what to tell you_," Reno sighed.

"_He's gradually going off the deep end. I don't know how much more he can take. It already looks like he's given up to me, but at the same time, I think he would've ended up killing himself had he truly given up. I… I have to get him out of here_."

"_It makes me happy to hear you say that_," the redhead said with a small smile. Leon averted his eyes and concentrated on an empty table that was off to the side.

"_It hurts me to see him like this._"

"_It hurts when I see Rude upset. I would be concerned if you didn't feel anything for Cloud._"

"_I feel too much. Too much all at once. I hate him but I don't. I'm afraid of him, but I can't leave him behind. I'm disgusted by him and yet I still watch him. I don't understand it all._"

"_I can imagine this is how some people feel when their significant others or family members turn out to be rapists or murderers. You love them so much that you have a hard time processing the mistakes they make; especially when they're that extreme._"

"_I hate it_."

"_I would think so._"

"_What should I do?_"

"_I can't make that decision for you._"

"_What would __**you**__ do, then?_"

"_I'm not sure. It's hard for me to imagine_," Reno said thoughtfully. He frowned a bit. "_I don't think I'd give up. I'd take him home and squeeze the happy back into him_."

"_I'm afraid I won't see the person he used to be anymore. I liked the Cloud that had Aerith around constantly. He was so much happier, so much more pleasant._"

"_He is who he is. That person doesn't disappear just because Aerith did. Buried, maybe, but not gone. It's impossible_," Reno said. Leon couldn't think of much else to say and let the words sink in. He sighed again.

"_Do you think he'll ever be that happy again?_"

"_I don't see why he couldn't be. The wounds are fresh and they're always the most painful in the beginning. Give them some time to heal before you worry about what comes afterward._"

"_Okay,_" Leon said. He wasn't up for arguing. He sat up again and rubbed his face. "_So what the fuck are you doing here?_" he asked flatly.

"_In Dollet? Walking around, really. Scouting. The big boss man is building a Mako reactor not too far from here. We're staying in Galbadia, officially, but wandering around just about everywhere to see what's what. We just got in town a couple days ago. We were in Winhill before. Going to Timber in a couple weeks._"

"_The reactor on the abandoned prison?_" Leon asked. Reno sat up straight and gave him a surprised look.

"_Does Balamb know about that?_"

"_Not that I'm aware of. I heard it from one of the Generals Cloud's been hanging around_."

"_Oh. Which General?_"

"_Strahl? His first name is Sephiroth._"

"_Oh, __**that**__ guy? He's a fucking loony. Holy shit. He's raped so many people, you have no idea. He's probably killed at least half of them afterward, too. I avoid him like the plague._"

"_He likes Cloud_."

"_That… makes me nervous._"

"_Think he'll go after him?_"

"_I'm not sure. He doesn't actively go after guys but at the same time, he's off his rocker eighty percent of his day so he just sort of grabs whoever's around when he needs it._"

"_That's the last thing Cloud needs; getting raped._"

"_Well from what you've told me, I think Cloud could probably hold him off._"

"_Even still. The trauma would still be there. But if Sephiroth fucks guys… why is he still around? You'd think he would've been discharged or something like all the other homosexuals are._"

"_I don't know. His dad was a General too. That probably has something to do with it. But for what it's worth, Sephiroth is really good at what he does. Scarily so. He's also a few months away from getting geostigma so I wouldn't be surprised if the government is just waiting it out and using him until he dies._"

"_True. Anyway, so you're staying here, then?_"

"_Yeah. We have a couple rooms at one of the inns near the east gate. But Rufus is staying in Galbadia until the Mako reactor is finished, so I'll be in the general vicinity for a while._"

"_Cloud is going to Galbadia eventually_."

"_Awesome! I'll keep an eye open. Hopefully he won't do anything stupid while he's there._"

"_I can only hope_," Leon sighed.

"_I can ask you the same question though. What the fuck are __**you**__ doing here?_"

"_I have an assignment. This is really my test to finish my first year. Snake hunting. There's a few others with me. We're staying at the hotel near the back gate of the city; the one that leads out towards the mountains._"

"_Ever the overachiever aren't you?_" Reno asked. Leon shrugged.

"_It gets me out_."

"_True. But now that we've caught up a little, you know what I'm going to ask about don't you?_"

"_Yes it happened. And no, I'm not telling you about it_," Leon said flatly, knowing full well Reno was going to pry into his sex life. The redhead beamed.

"_I'm so happy for you! Feel better afterwards?_"

"_No._"

"…_Are you crazy?_" Reno asked confusedly.

"_No._"

"_Well what's wrong, then?_"

"_She's wrong. None of it feels right. I get more satisfaction from masturbating_," Leon grumbled. The redhead raised a brow.

"_Hm. Weird._"

"_I don't love her._"

"_I would hope not. Forging that sort of connection with someone you'll have to leave behind is detrimental_."

"_I don't want to have sex with someone I don't love. But I feel awful for wanting to drop her because the sex is bad. It's sort of a cyclical way of thinking but until I can leave and get away from her permanently, I'm just going to put up with it._"

"_You're torturing yourself again._"

"_I'm avoiding massive amounts of petty guilt_."

"_Still. It's not healthy_."

"_I'm aware of that,_" the brunette said. Reno sighed.

"_Well, hopefully you'll be able to leave soon. I would just focus on Cloud until then._"

Leon didn't know how he was going to watch Cloud while in Dollet. He would be around people constantly during his stay, which was good for snake killing, but bad for just about everything else. By the time he returned back to the hotel it was after dark. Small talk between he and Reno had lasted a great deal longer than he had anticipated, but after some food and farewells, he was feeling substantially better. Reno apologized profusely for not getting in contact sooner and vowed to get in touch soon if they didn't see each other again before they left Dollet. Leon was hoping the redhead was serious. He missed the sympathetic company.

When he returned to his room, all was quiet. Seifer was sleeping. The Carrier furrowed his brows at the shape of the lump in the blonde's bed. It was much larger than what was normal and quite lumpy. It took him a minute to realize Zell was in there with him and Leon contemplated kicking them both out into the hall. Sleeping was innocent enough but the Carrier was using his own experiences with Rinoa as reference to the situation. Sleeping hardly stayed sleeping and turned to other things more often than not. Leon wasn't about to be present for any of it. The piles of clothes scattered around the bed was indication enough of what he had already missed.

* * *

Thankfully, the evening remained quiet. The next day started the hunt. But it wasn't so much of a hunt for sport as it was a method of protection. Leon and his fellow students donned their cadet uniforms and patrolled the streets keeping an eye out for the giant snakes that had supposedly started wreaking havoc amongst the populace. Quistis briefed them quickly of what their routes were and they were set out in pairs to walk them in shifts. Leon was partnered with Irvine.

"I wasn't always like this," Irvine said.

"What?" the other asked, not really paying attention to him.

"It's only been within the last few years that the anacondaurs have really been a problem. I don't know if it's over population or if they're being washed out of Galbadia territory and are moving this way."

"These things are in Galbadia too?"

"Oh yeah," Irvine said. He turned and pointed towards the canyon and mountains that flanked the back of the city. "That's the Hasberry Valley and on the other side of it are the Hasberry Plains. That's technically where Galbadian territory starts. Dollet and Timber are really part of Balamb territory but everything west of the Valley was all Galbadia's. Now it's Midgar's. But the Plains are a main hideout for anacondaurs. It's actually sort of weird that they come into the mountains and make an effort to get in the city."

Their stroll around the outer perimeter of the city took them into the Valley. It was boiling hot and the turf was dry and dusty. Leon was right at home and wasn't bothered by it very much. Irvine, on the other hand, was being human about the whole experience and sweating bullets. He didn't complain, though, and simply fanned his face with his hat on occasion and gave Leon quizzical looks. They didn't have much else to talk about and their shift was to last several hours still. On and on they walked, keeping an eye out for any movement. Patience started running thin when they saw nothing. But after almost three hours in the heat and almost a dozen bottles of water burned through, Leon got a whiff of something odd, and it wasn't just Irvine.

"There are people out here," he said, gently grabbing his companion's arm to stop him from walking. Irvine scowled and looked around.

"How can you tell?"

"You don't smell that?"

"…No."

"Never mind then. But I _know_ someone's out here," Leon insisted. The slight breeze that wafted through the canyon was enough to carry the faint scent of an excess of sweat to him. There was a group of people somewhere relatively nearby, and he sincerely hoped it was just travelers. A lump of ice in his gut told him otherwise.

Travelling for another quarter mile brought them to a bend in their path where there was the distinct smell of smoke. Around a rocky wall there was an opening to a cave where a large truck was parked off to the side. There was a campfire lit at the mouth of the cave in front of a few tents where several Midgar soldiers were sitting around chatting. They all seemed to be good buddies and carried on happily while sharing a meal and drinks. One of them had a few extra shiny charms hanging from the lapels of his jacket, signifying a higher rank, but he acted just like one of the guys. But in the back of the truck, there were several large cages that held a group of anacondaurs. Leon and Irvine were in shock.

The enormous spiky snakes noticed the pair hiding behind the rocks before the soldiers did. Almost all of them woke up once the wind blew in their direction and they sprung up and started looking around. They were all brown and coppery with shiny scales, some of which were as big as Leon's hand. They all had massive hoods behind their heads like a cobra with large protrusions jutting out from the folds. They were taller and thicker than any snake Leon could imagine; they resembled trees more than they did animals.

"We should leave," Irvine whispered behind Leon. The soldiers noticed the snakes stirring and making a commotion in their cages, hissing and spitting in the pair's direction.

"But they're the ones letting the snakes out into the city," Leon said. "Aren't we supposed to be stopping that?"

"We're not equipped for this shit. We're outnumbered and they have a fucking truck full of anacondaurs. We're going to die. Let's go back and get help first."

Leon nodded and they turned to leave. His brain was less concerned about the truck and the snakes than it was about the idea of stowing away and hitching a ride to Galbadia. Surely hanging around in the city for six months until Cloud made it over there was better than fighting him in the middle of a dirt field. With a new motorcycle and additional combat training, his Charge was not only going to be way faster than him, but could very well turn out to be stronger than him. He wasn't prepared to die that quickly.

"˧˔—!‹‹!" (_Hey! Stop!_), one of the soldiers called out behind them. Both cadets glanced over their shoulders briefly before taking off down the path leading back towards the city. All was quiet for a while until they slowed some. Irvine was having a hard time keeping up, though Leon was pretty sure he was normal for what he was doing. They had gone a decent distance and it was about time his companion got winded.

"How are you not tired?" Irvine panted while feeling his side. He had a large pouch dangling off his hip opposite of his holster. The size of the firearm he carried was a bit excessive in the Carrier's opinion, but Leon was thankful it was with them right that second.

"Don't worry about it," Leon said, inching along the wall to look around the bend to see if they were followed. Hardly a minute later there was a deep rumble in the distance followed by a dust cloud. "We need to go," he said quickly. Irvine looked around the corner as well and coughed a bit.

"Okay. Where?" he asked.

"I have no idea, just keep going and we'll see if we can find something to hide in," the Carrier urged, shoving the other down the path. They started running again, with Irvine struggling to keep up with Leon's speed. The Carrier had to keep slowing down to stick with him while the rumbling grew closer and closer. Irvine had to stop again after another few minutes of sprinting. Leon couldn't see anywhere to hide. It was a rock wall on either side of them like a giant hallway with nowhere to go but back to the city or towards the rumbling.

The truck, coupled with two of the soldiers on Fenrirs rounded the corner and came barreling towards them. The motorcycles sped ahead of the truck and both of the men driving hit a switch that caused either side of the front carapace to pop open like a pair of drawers. Leon couldn't do much unless he was willing to run towards them, but Irvine was already poised for a shot before the Carrier could notice. There was a brief '_click_' before a blast rung out from next to him, making Leon startle. Blood exploded from one of the biker's faces and the motorcycle he had controlled wobbled and sped out of control. It flipped backwards onto itself and skid across the dirt into the wall. The truck swerved to avoid the wreckage but no damage was done to it. Irvine didn't have time for another shot.

The remaining soldier on the Fenrir stuck his arm forward into the compartment he had opened and withdrew a weighted net. He sped past the cadets, flinging the net at them both on his way by. The bundle opened quickly and smacked into them both, pulling them backwards onto the dirt with the weight. Leon grabbed onto the mesh and tried to pull it apart quickly, but it didn't break. He couldn't get enough leverage to pull his obnoxious blade from his side either and he swore under his breath. The net was built for the anacondaurs the soldiers had gathered and there wasn't much he could do to get out of it. Given enough time, he probably could've done something useful, but the soldier that had thrown it was quick to circle back and start pulling it around them as if they were a couple of animals.

* * *

Reno was enjoying himself. He and Rude had become relatively comfortable around each other over the recent months and they spent a lot of time together. He was happy, overjoyed, even though he was dying to take everything one step further. But he forced himself to be patient. Love didn't happen overnight for most people, and trying to get a straight man to see him as more than a friend was probably going to take way longer than that. As a result, he was satisfied just being around his Charge and building his trust.

Scouting served several purposes for his boss. It was a way to gauge how people reacted to Midgar and subsequently the Mako reactors (which was usually very negatively), it was also a way to see what resources were available to exploit in new territory, but probably the most important thing was the gathering of intelligence. Very little was spoken of the internal affairs of Balamb's military but sometimes Reno and his comrades would come across a soldier in a bar they could booze up and get to talk. Even though the redhead technically worked for a Corporation, he was still an agent of the government in very loose terms. Rufus Shinra and Midgar's military worked too close together to be considered anything other than partners, so all the information Rufus had would only help strengthen his bond to the military.

Regardless of the intentions behind everything, Reno liked his job. He was provided with everything he could need, and he got to spend his time with Rude. It was a win-win in his mind. Most of the work they did outside of Rufus' immediate eyesight was people watching, which was pretty low stress versus what they could be doing otherwise. They got to travel and meet different people and learn other cultures which was pretty okay too. But when he and his Charge stumbled across a group of Balamb cadets in the town square, the opportunity to learn new information sidetracked them from just about everything else. Reno couldn't see Leon in the group and everyone there seemed to be somewhat worried. He had a bad feeling. He approached a woman that was dressed differently than the rest of them and had more shiny things attached to her. He assumed she was important.

"Excuse me?" he asked. Rude followed behind him silently. Quistis turned to him and raised a brow.

"Can I help you?" she asked impatiently. The cadets behind her were hurriedly talking amongst themselves.

"I'm looking for a guy named Squall. He's a little shorter than me, sort of angry, brown hair?" Reno asked. Quistis' face turned surprised.

"You know him? When was the last time you saw him?" she asked.

"Uh… Yesterday? He's a buddy of mine."

"So not today," Quistis concluded. She sighed and ran a hand over her hair. "He and another student of mine are missing. We're here on an assignment and they left for their shift but never came back."

"What kind of assignment?"

"Just making sure the anacondaur attacks stay minimal. Nothing extensive. They shouldn't have been gone this long," she said. It wasn't some huge covert military secret she was guarding. Pretty much anyone who paid attention would've known why they were there, but Reno was never one for paying attention. He had no idea where Leon was either and it was worrisome. Rude had no idea what was going on period. So he just hung around and looked important.

"Think they got lost?" Reno asked. Quistis shrugged.

"I have no idea. Do you have any way of contacting him?"

"Not really, no."

"Alright. Thank you. If anything changes before we see you again, I'll let you know. But we really need to regroup, so if you'll excuse us," she said and turned back to the group. Reno led Rude away from them and quickly explained what was going on.

"That guy that punched you?" he asked. The redhead nodded.

"We go _way_ back. Don't worry about that. But I want to find him and make sure he's okay."

"What did you have in mind?" Rude asked. Reno thought about it for a minute.

"You know that stupid computer thing I carry around with me all the time?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"My friend has one too. I want to get it. Maybe I can figure something out once I have it."

"Do you know where it is?"

"I bet it's in his hotel room. I know where he's staying. Come on," Reno said, taking off down the street towards the back gate of the city.

After twenty minutes of searching, the pair happened to find the hotel. The front desk was empty when they arrived, as it was getting late. There was a bell to ring to call someone out, but other than that and a few stragglers in the lobby, it was empty. Reno helped himself behind the desk and dug around until he found the sign-in book. He dropped it on the desktop and flipped through the pages until he found the rooms that the students occupied. There were no specific names to go by, but he had a general idea. He closed the book and put it back and headed for the stairs.

He pointed out which doors they needed to get into to Rude and they went in separate directions to scour the halls for a maid or someone who might have had a master key. Reno happened upon the hotel manager who was strolling around and he snuck up behind him. He took up the metal rod he had fastened to his hip.

"Sorry, dude," he said before he whacked the manager in the back of the neck. The man went down quickly and the Carrier pushed him around while sticking his hands in the man's pockets. He found a set of keys and took off like a rocket in the opposite direction just as another person came around the corner. He narrowly escaped the commotion and ducked around to find Rude before they went back to the first hallway. Reno flipped through the keys until he found one with '_Master_' engraved on the front and started unlocking doors. The fourth one was Leon's. It smelled like him.

Rude closed the door behind them quietly and they started rifling through the brunette's things in order to find his computer. If nothing else, Reno felt he was protecting Leon's intentions by taking the computer with him. If someone found the device and asked questions, it may have created more problems for his friend than he needed. He found the computer and a box of camera bugs carefully tucked in the russet Carrier's luggage and hurried over to the door, heart racing. He stuck his ear against the wood.

"There're people out there. We can't leave this way," he whispered. Rude hurried over to one of the windows in the room and unlocked it. They were on the second floor, and a fall from that height probably wouldn't kill them, but it definitely wouldn't feel good. The Charge kicked the screen out of the window and was prepared to jump but Reno stopped him and shoved the computer and cameras in his hands. "Let me go first," he said and shoved himself out of the room. Landing on his feet with a loud '_whud_' wasn't the best feeling in the world, but Reno knew his legs could take it better than Rude's could. He grunted and wobbled around trying to get his stability back before standing straight and holding his arms up to his Charge.

"Are you fucking nuts?" Rude barked at the redhead in a strained whisper.

"I can catch you, trust me," Reno said. Rude hesitated, looking behind himself at the room's door. "Come on!" the redhead urged. Rude shook his head with a grumble under his breath and braced himself in the window frame.

"I can land; get the hell out of the way."

"No, just do it!"

"I'm almost a hundred pounds heavier than you, idiot!"

"So?"

"You're fu—"

"Shut up and jump!" Reno grumped, snapping his fingers at him. Rude sighed and shook his head again before leaping out of the window. The redhead braced himself and caught his Charge bridal style, but just barely. The sudden shift in weight made him teeter in place before he flopped backwards onto his butt with Rude sitting on top of him. They both grunted loudly.

"I told you," Rude said flatly, standing up and pulling Reno to his feet with one hand.

"I don't see anything negative with this situation," the redhead said defiantly, giving Rude's hand a squeeze.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: **Ah, April. The start of that time of year where I see my extended family way too much because we have 70,000 birthdays and holidays to celebrate.

This chapter is a transition. It jumps a bit because there isn't much happening in between segments. I'm pretty sure you all don't want 10 more chapters of pointless filler. Hopefully this chapter blends enough to where it makes sense and doesn't lose anyone. There's a lot happening.

I'm working a lot and writing on little sleep in some cases so I apologize in advance for confusion and typos. Feel free to point mistakes out to me.

* * *

Chapter 34

Reno was worried sick. He waited up most of the night trying to weed through the information on Leon's computer. Watching a few of the videos of Cloud's life really hit home how stressful the entire ordeal had been for his friend. The redhead tried to put Rude in Cloud's place and imagine what it would be like, but his Charge was such a gentle soul he really couldn't imagine it. It was upsetting more than it was helpful and Reno quickly abandoned the footage in favor of wandering around the city and hoping someone heard something. By the time morning rolled around, he had collapsed on his bed in exhaustion only to be woken up around eight in the morning by his cell phone. The tiny device was wholly annoying but Rufus was the only one who ever called him.

"What can you tell me?" his boss asked impatiently. Reno sleepily scowled.

"Hnng? Uh…"

"Wake up, Reno."

"I'm attempting to. I had a long night."

"Oh good. Then you should have something for me."

"The only thing I know is there's a bunch of anacondaurs running loose around here and people are getting hurt," Reno mumbled, half his words muffled by his pillow.

"I know. That is expected."

"It's normal?"

"No. The military is doing it," Rufus said simply. Reno was awake in an instant and sat up.

"What? Why?" he asked.

"They're creating a need. The police in Dollet cannot handle that many snakes coming into the city. The idea is that Dollet would ask for assistance. Assistance from Midgar. But, they have yet to hear anything as far as I'm aware. It would be the most cost effective way of getting into the city, but the plan is weak at best."

"They called Balamb. There are students here fending them off. Or at least trying to find them and prevent them from getting in the city in the first place."

"How quaint."

"Yeah well, what happens if someone from Balamb figures out it's our fault?" Reno asked, running his fingers through his hair and pulling at a few knots with a wince.

"Who knows? That's up to the discretion of the military. They tend to keep the soldiers around if they can catch them alive. Which is what my prison is for, if you recall," the redhead's boss explained. Reno furrowed his brows in thought and started putting the pieces together.

"Can you do me a massive favor?" he asked.

"You have yet to provide me with anything useful."

"I told you about the Balamb cadets."

"That's nothing of worth."

"I've also only been here for like… three days. Give me a break."

"Fine. I'm not in the humor to argue," Rufus said. There was a soft squeak of a chair shifting and the man grunted a bit in pain. Reno frowned.

"You don't sound well."

"I haven't been well for many years. This is also useless information. What was the favor?"

"Just send me the names of any new prisoners that come in."

"For how long?"

"Now until… whenever. I'm looking for someone in particular."

"Is this person an informant?" Rufus asked, ever the businessman.

"I'm not really sure what to call him. He may know more than I'm aware of; he is a soldier. But I really doubt he'd talk to any of us. Even if we beat the holy hell out of him, he'd probably die hanging on to whatever he has. He's rather stubborn."

"What do you propose I do with him then?" the man asked. Reno had only a half-baked plan forming in his head. He really wasn't sure where he was going with the situation, but he needed an excuse for Rufus to keep Leon alive; if the prison was where Leon was going to end up. The redhead was willing to bet the brunette stumbled upon whatever Midgar was doing outside the city. Reno just hoped he wasn't signing his friend's life away. Then again, Rufus was giving him an open avenue for requests. Depending on how valuable the redhead could make Leon seem, Reno bet he could get just about anything out of his boss.

"Keep him around. He's looking for someone too. If you can find his someone for him, he'd probably be more willing to talk."

"You seem to know this man rather well."

"We have history."

"And you can assure me he's useful?"

"I never promise anything, but he is a soldier and has ties to people on the inside."

"That's not very reassuring; especially for what you're asking. Do you realize the amount of money it would take to find one person in this country amongst the billions?"

"I have a name. He's a soldier too. Shouldn't be too hard to find him that way. Granted, I'm not asking you to do anything if this guy I know doesn't wind up in your hands," Reno said.

"This will take time."

"If he winds up a prisoner, he has time."

"And if this whole ordeal backfires? What if Balamb retaliates?"

"The only soldiers in the area are the patrol officers and this random group of cadets. I have no indication otherwise that says they're prepared to strike back," Reno said. There was a long silence as Rufus carefully thought everything over. He eventually sighed.

"Don't waste my time, Reno."

"I'm not."

"You understand that there will be serious consequences if you waste my time and money on a wild goose chase."

"Yes."

"Fine. I'm willing to give you a chance," Rufus said. Reno let out a relieved sigh. "What are the names you need me to have?"

"The prisoner's name would be Squall Leonhart. The person he's looking for is Cloud Strife. I don't have a picture to send you but Squall is a Balamb cadet so he should be fairly easy to notice. Just let me know when he shows up and if you decide to go through with everything. I'd like to be there to help handle the situation if I could."

"You're asking a lot."

"I know I am. I appreciate the effort though. This has been something that's been bugging me for a while now," the redhead lied.

"I just hope, for your sake, that this is all worth it," Rufus warned and hung up abruptly. The Carrier closed his phone and let out a heavy sigh. He sincerely hoped he wouldn't regret what he was setting up. At least, if he was there, he could help keep control of the situation. He had no idea what the prison situation was like under Shinra's various headquarters' but he couldn't imagine that they would bring Cloud in to do much else but talk to Leon. In order to assure that Cloud was being contacted at some point, he would watch the blonde in his friend's stead. Hopefully by that point, when the two come together, Reno would have some idea as to how to keep them together in a somewhat peaceful manner.

"What is this guy to you?" Rude asked abruptly. Reno startled and looked over his shoulder at his Charge. He had completely forgotten the other was there even though they were staying in the same room together. Separate beds, to the redhead's dismay, but still together.

"Why? You jealous?" he twittered playfully. Rude scowled.

"No, I'm afraid you're going to get yourself killed. Rufus doesn't have tolerance for ignorant shit, Reno. I have a hard time believing you'd just let this guy get away if he was really that valuable. We had a chance to grab him when we first saw him, you know."

"…I know," Reno sighed. "He's my friend. I'm just trying to keep him safe and in one place so I can help him later. He's had a rough time so far."

"I feel like I'm missing something huge that's sitting right in front of me," Rude grumbled.

"How do you figure?"

"You two have the same computers, you both have history according to you, and you're sticking your neck out for him in a _very_ big way. But before this point, I had never heard of the guy before. Not only that, but you two were speaking the same gibberish a couple days ago. Don't think anyone didn't notice that," he said. Reno's heart stopped for a few seconds and his mind spun into a mild panic.

"I—we—I don't…"

"I'm your friend, but I really don't want to get in the crossfire of whatever you're starting for yourself," Rude said. Reno looked down at his hands, turning his phone around idly. The guilt started trickling in as he realized how much more involved the whole scenario was; it was much bigger than he had anticipated. He hadn't even realized how it could affect his Charge.

"Do you trust me?" he asked quietly.

"I'm leery at the moment, but yeah. I do."

"Then just trust me when I say that it'll all be worth it in the end. You'll understand more later, I'm sure. I just… need a little bit of time to put my mind together and find a way to explain it all to you."

"You're sure?"

"Yes," Reno said earnestly. Rude flexed his jaw a few times in quiet thought, staring at the redhead with an intimidating gaze. Reno looked away from him with a heavy sigh.

"Okay," the Charge said. "I trust you."

"Thank you," the redhead said with a wide smile.

* * *

Reno hadn't seen Cloud in several years. He expected the blonde to be different, but he hadn't expected the complete turnaround the Charge had done. The redhead could remember the little pink roly-poly baby that would waddle around and fart a lot. He could remember a kindhearted teenager. He could remember how much Leon would laugh and smile when he talked about him. Things had changed so drastically that even Reno felt a little depressed when he looked at Cloud now. Besides how much weight he had lost, the bruising on his arms, and the obvious collapsed veins he had acquired, the blonde wore his pain on his face very blatantly when no one was around. When he left his room, he put on a blank mask and watched everything around him in silence.

Cloud was learning how to drive. He listened closely to everything he was being told and took it very seriously. He understood that if he didn't, he could kill himself just by being stupid. Reno was inclined to agree with his standing. The redhead had never learned how to drive anything less complex than a helicopter, and even then, he had only done it twice. Rufus had made everyone take lessons but they've hardly utilized them since. However, Cloud was different. Within a couple days, he was confident enough to go in a straight line without toppling over and breaking his neck. The Fenrir he was gifted was quickly becoming his biggest avenue of distraction from the rest of his life.

Fusion Swords were a strange amalgamation of blades that fastened together to create one giant one that resembled a solid Buster Sword in shape and size. Reno was fascinated by them and the awful time Cloud was having with them. The blonde wasn't graceful with them in the least and fumbled around with the pieces trying to fit them together like the puzzle they were. He was making a bad habit of accidentally hitting the release that let the pieces come apart only to have them fall at his feet harmlessly. The Fusion Swords, though difficult when pieced together, were efficient when paired with the Fenrir. Each piece had a slot it was housed in within the front carapace of the bike. Cloud would be able to fling them around with ease while they were apart, and hopefully be able to put them back together again if he ever needed to dismount. But that would take time.

Reno kept an eye on the blonde, but his mind was with Leon. After almost a week of silence from the group of cadets in Dollet and from Rufus, he was at his limit. He was getting ready to leave the city all together and start looking for his friend himself. At that point, he was more concerned about taking them both home versus them and their Charges. He wasn't willing to sacrifice another precious piece of his world just so he could worry about Rude coming home with him. He felt it was selfish to think anything else. Of course, he would try his hardest to get all of them to go together but if it came down to the wire, he would make sure at least he and Leon got out. There was too much riding on them both to let either of them die. Reno liked to think Leon thought the same way, but he couldn't be sure.

When two weeks passed, the cadets left. They headed back to their school with downtrodden expressions and heavy hearts. The local authorities would make an effort to find Leon and Irvine, but there were no promises. It was an unfortunate circumstance of war. People could up and disappear out of one's life in a blink of an eye without any explanation. It was best to assume whoever left was gone for good. It was very much a 'sacrifice a few in favor of saving the whole' sort of situation. The students couldn't afford to get hung up on one misfortune and let that get in the way of becoming fully fledged soldiers to aid their country. But that didn't mean anyone was happier for it.

"What do you mean he's missing?" Rinoa squawked at Selphie when everyone returned from Dollet. The little brunette sniffled and looked down at the floor. She shuffled her feet a bit.

"He and Irvine have been gone for a couple weeks," she said, tears dropping off the end of her nose. "We don't know why. We tried to find them, but we ran out of time."

"Ran out of—that's bullshit! You know it is! Why didn't you insist to stay?" Rinoa yelled angrily. Selphie looked up again, sending the other girl a serious glare.

"Don't you think I tried? I lost someone here too, you know. If you think I didn't do everything I could to try and bring them back, then you better start running because I'm a step away from beating the ever living snot out of you."

"There had to have been something you all didn't try. There is no way he would just up and leave me here," Rinoa protested. Selphie scowled deeply, and expression that was completely unbefitting of her. She raised her hand and slapped Rinoa across the face as hard as she could.

"What is wrong with you? Something probably happened to them. Something _bad_ and all you can think about is how Squall left you here? Like he did it on purpose? What if he's dead?" she spat.

"He isn't!" the other cried, tears springing to her eyes.

"He might be! Don't be delusional! I may shit flowers and rainbows half the time but I'm not ignorant enough to think that we are in any other situation than _war_. People die and it sucks but you can't be selfish and think they did it because they have something against _you._ You're not that special! You're not important!" Selphie said. Rinoa furrowed her brows and looked away. A long silence passed between them.

"He's not dead. He's coming back," she said defiantly.

"It's okay to hope for it, but don't make this all about you," the brunette said, leaving the other girl standing in the hallway. Alone.

* * *

Reno had to leave Dollet after almost a month. He hadn't gathered much useful information for Rufus, but neither had his colleagues so he didn't worry about it. The anacondaur mating season ended and life in the little city returned to its perpetual state of shaken peacefulness. Reno didn't blame the people for being nervous. Midgar was practically on their doorstep. The redhead was growing more and more irritated with his boss the longer he didn't hear anything about Leon from him. Regardless, even if Rufus didn't say anything, Reno would be home again in a couple months and would be able to check the records himself. Being Rufus' bodyguard had its perks when he needed something from the people lower than him.

Another month passed where Reno spent most of his time wandering around Timber doing the same things he had been doing in Dollet. Talking to people, learning, understanding, watching, and waiting. There were very little incidents that raised attention in the town even though the people's dislike of Midgar was overly obvious. Every day there were peaceful protests and people speaking out against the few soldiers that would wander through. But there was never any violence. Reno was in admiration of the people's restraint.

'Restraint,' however, was not part of Sephiroth's vocabulary as the redhead soon discovered. Cloud was making a lot of progress with his new arrangements and he caught the General's eye on several occasions. Sephiroth would drag him along to go out with him and his buddies where there was a lot of drinking, a lot of Mako, and a lot of women. The blonde seemed relatively bored for a good portion of the excursions out, but after a couple weeks of repeated 'entertainment,' he started to fall in line with everyone else.

Women were tissues to him, just like they were to Sephiroth. The only difference between them was that the General didn't care where he was when he used them. In the middle of bars, up against building walls, in someone else's house, everywhere was fair game when Sephiroth decided he needed something. It all reminded Reno of the ghetto Cloud's parents had lived in. He could remember seeing women being raped in the middle of the street as if it was commonplace and how much it pained Leon to watch it all. He was sort of happy the brunette wasn't around during the current instances.

Cloud was slowly becoming part of that culture of abuse and barbarism, but he didn't take it to the levels Sephiroth did. Where the General liked to hear his partners scream and cry where everyone could see and hear, Cloud liked the quiet and kept his affairs behind closed doors. Reno also noticed that whenever a group would go out to a place where they were well received, Cloud would get picky about whom he took home with him. Strip clubs were usually the normal stomping ground (on base and off base) and the blonde would always watch the women go through their routines before picking. He also never took home a brunette. Reno couldn't remember what color Aerith's eyes were, but he was willing to bet that Cloud avoided that color too.

There was no active remorse on the blonde's end. He would go about his business, his training, his daily routine, using whatever woman he decided to, and that was it. There were very few periods where Reno saw Cloud being affected by what he was doing to himself. If he was still upset over Aerith, the redhead couldn't tell, but the subtle changes in behavior were hints of it at the very least. Reno only hoped that Cloud's actions wouldn't pin Leon against him. The russet Carrier's moral code was way too heavy for his own good.

"What are you worried about?" Rude asked one evening; a few days before they were supposed to leave Timber.

"A lot of things," Reno admitted.

"Are you ever going to tell me what they are? Or do I have to guess?"

"I wish I knew how."

"I wish you did too. You're distracted."

"Rufus hasn't told me anything."

"About your friend?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe you should put it behind you," the Charge said, plunking down next to Reno on his bed and patting his shoulder. The redhead sighed.

"I refuse to believe he's gone for good."

"I'm not sure what to tell you. It's the environment we live in; there isn't much we can do but work to change it. How can I help?"

_Kiss me and tell me everything will be okay_, the redhead said to himself. Rude sat up straighter and gave him a strange look.

"What?" he asked. Reno immediately slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Oh fuck, did I say that out loud?" he gasped.

"Uh… _yeah_."

"Okay! Good night. Time to sleep!" Reno blurted, his face bright red. He shoved at Rude to get him off his bed before he quickly threw himself under his covers and pulled them over his head. He attempted to bury himself under his pillows, wanting to die right there and escape the embarrassment. He whined to himself, berating his stupidity.

"Reno, it's seven o'clock."

"And we had a tough day today, didn't we? Aren't you tired?" Reno squeaked from under all the fabric. Rude rolled his eyes and grabbed a handful of blanket and ripped it off the bed in one strong pull. The redhead immediately retreated and launched himself into the bathroom on the other side of their hotel room. He slammed the door behind himself and pressed his back to it, slowly sliding down until he sat on the floor, feeling everything he had worked for start to crumble apart around him. Outside, Rude leaned against the door frame with a sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. Reno was quiet for a few minutes, drawing tiny circles on the tile with a fingertip.

"Because I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

"Okay… it's still not ruined as far as I know. You don't have to freak out," Rude assured. Reno furrowed his brows, unbelieving. He took a bit to pull his courage together before he stood again and opened the door a crack and peeked out.

"You're sure?" he mumbled. Rude nodded. The redhead took a deep breath and sheepishly scooted out of the bathroom and sat on his bed again with his face in his hands. Rude stood a reasonable distance away with his arms crossed over his chest.

"How long have you felt that way?"

"…long time," the redhead muttered. Rude let out a long breath and ran a hand over his head. "I'm sorry. I'd understand if you wanted to hang around someone else," Reno added.

"I wish you would've told me sooner."

"What would it have changed?"

"Well it would have been a different dynamic had you been straightforward with me from the beginning. If you were like 'hi, I'm Reno. I have feelings for you' when we first met I would've just avoided you all together. But we're friends now and… I can't get angry at you for it."

"What does that mean?" Reno asked, pulling his legs up on the bed with him and folding them underneath himself. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times.

"It means nothing has changed. If it's been this way for a while, then why should anything be different?"

"So we just keep going like normal?"

"Yeah."

"But what if I don't want it to?"

"Did you want to switch rooms with someone?"

"No, I mean, what if I want… more?"

"I'm not gay, Reno."

"I know, but I've made everything weird and awkward. Even if you're willing to move forward like normal, I don't know if I can. It'd be like I'm being rejected every day," Reno admitted, picking at his blanket. Rude frowned.

"I'm not sure how to fix this."

"Me either, really. I wanted to tell you I just… didn't mean for it to be like this," the redhead said with a heavy sigh. "Sorry. Thanks for not freaking out and leaving me."

"I like you too much to leave you behind for something like this."

Reno smiled.

* * *

The next week, Cloud received a message. Reno's heart skipped a beat when the soldier relayed the words to the blonde. It gave the redhead a little beacon of hopefulness and helped ease some of the worry. Both soldiers standing in the doorway into Cloud's bedroom.

"You're going to Galbadia," the soldier said blandly. Cloud raised a brow.

"No shit. I knew that already."

"Don't get cute with me, Strife. I know you know, but what I'm saying is you're going to go there _soon_."

"Sephiroth thinks I'm ready?"

"No, _General Strahl_," the soldier said with irritation, pausing for emphasis. Cloud rolled his eyes. "Got word from Rufus Shinra that someone in his prison is asking for you. Apparently it's someone with info that could prove useful and they need _you_ to get it out of him."

"…Do I get a name? I don't know very many people outside this base," the blonde said confusedly.

"I wasn't told."

"And he asked for me specifically?"

"Yes."

"Has anyone seen Barret around? That's the only person I know that would have information we could use," the blonde noted. The other soldier shrugged.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm just the messenger. They could've written all this down and sent it to you but _someone_ here has a brick in his head and doesn't know how to read."

_Aw, that was a low blow,_ Reno thought with a scowl. Cloud scowled as well.

"You're lucky I'm distracted with all this, otherwise I'd rip your throat out through your ass."

"I didn't realize you were into fisting. Gay," the soldier mocked. The blonde glared at the other.

"Watch it. I'm in no mood."

"So I hear. There are stories around the grounds saying you _can't_ get _in the mood_. Girls talk, Strife. According to them, you're inadeq—" the soldier was silenced when Cloud abruptly grabbed his hair and slammed his face into the door frame. There was a loud '_pop_' followed by a splatter of red projecting in all directions. The soldier screamed and tried to pull away. Cloud helped him by pulling him back and flinging him to the floor by his hair. He stepped back into his room and closed the door quickly. The other started howling and whining to himself in the hall, but it was clear that Cloud was done caring.

_Yeesh_, Reno sighed. He was a little upset that Rufus hadn't bothered calling him even though he was obviously doing things according to the redhead's plan. He hoped he would hear word soon, but as the days dragged by and Cloud continued his training, Reno was getting more and more antsy. The blonde wasn't told when he was leaving, but Sephiroth was aware of it and urged Cloud's C.O. to push him past his limits in preparation.

"Got a plan as to how to go about this?" Sephiroth asked the blonde one evening. He, a group of his friends, a few other random soldiers, and Cloud had retreated into the city to drink.

"No idea. I don't even know who this guy is. I hope it's not just a waste of time; I'd be really pissed," Cloud said, swirling his glass around and watching the liquid slosh over the ice.

"Well you're obviously not versed in the ways of torture, then. This should be a no-brainer; just beat the hell out of him until he gives in. Anyone in this country that isn't in the military is soft. Anyone from outside this country is soft. Soft people break easy. Trust me. It's not that difficult."

"And what if he doesn't talk?"

"Well you don't just walk in there and start wailing on him. You threaten him, try to scare him, annoy him a little maybe, and then beat him. There's a process."

"I'm a little afraid to ask why you know all this."

"It comes with the job."

"You do realize that you're just an _awful_ person," Cloud said. Sephiroth snorted and laughed.

"Of course I do! I don't deny any of the things I've accomplished in this life. It's been short, but it's full already. Not sure what else I can do, so I may as well share what I know."

"Whatever you say," the blonde said, shaking his head a little. Sephiroth chuckled to himself and leaned back in his chair, looking over the other patrons of the bar.

"Anyone catch your eye?" he asked idly. Cloud looked the people over and shrugged.

"I'm not drunk enough to fuck any of the ugly cunts in here."

_I've got a bar of soap for that mouth of yours, kid. Augh! Nasty language,_ Reno noted, wrinkling his nose. The rest of the night played out as it usually did. Women were taken home, women were screwed, and women were discarded. The redhead shook his head in shame. It was getting to the point where he couldn't tell the difference between Cloud's normalcy and Cloud's Mako fueled attitude. It didn't take much to send the blonde off down the wrong path anymore, and even less to make him violent. It was a sharp contrast to Rude, which the redhead was especially thankful for.

* * *

It was another couple weeks before Cloud's superiors started to seriously prepare him for leaving. The blonde's driving was fine. His new swordsmanship was a little shaky, but it was made clear to him that he wasn't going to Galbadia to kill anyone specific so the weaponry was a moot point for anything outside of self defense. The biggest lesson he was learning was how to hurt someone without killing them. So far Cloud could kill and maim. There was no middle ground there for any sort of constructive violence, so it had to be taught.

When it was time for Cloud to leave, Leon and Irvine had been missing for over three months. Reno still hadn't been contacted by Rufus, but he was heading back to the prison and sub-headquarters anyway so it didn't really matter in the end. Cloud was given an assortment of weapons to use if he decided to. One in particular made Reno's skin crawl. It was a metal rod much like the one he used, but it was faceted with two prongs on the end and emitted electricity. A cattle prod of sorts. To a human, it's more or less only painful to be shocked. For a Carrier, it could be deadly if prolonged enough. A quick zap was enough to spiral their hearts into uneven palpitations and mess with their Links, and Reno didn't want to think about what could happen if they were repeated.

Cloud made sure to pack everything with care. He made sure he had all of his personal effects, as he expected to stay in Galbadia instead of coming back to Midgar; even after everything with the prisoner was finished. He even took the time to say goodbye to Jessie. Reno hadn't realized the girl was there in the first place as the blonde hadn't had any contact with her since he found out about Aerith's passing. She seemed uneasy around him and made their parting awkward and brief. Cloud would never see her again. Shortly after that, he and his Fenrir were packed into a plane and flown to Galbadia.

The ride was far too long for Cloud's tastes. He spent most of the flight fiddling with the knife he had been given at the training camp. Flicking it open and closed idly while staring out the window wasn't exactly exciting, but it helped him think. He was a little nervous to be going somewhere new by himself. He had no idea what to expect in the other city and had never been outside Midgar territory before. Even with all his training, and his years spent under the military's thumb, the plane ride to Galbadia was the first time he ever felt he was genuinely part of the war. He wasn't happy with the feeling and everything that had transpired thus far, but he was resigned to it. He accepted it as his fate.

* * *

Leon was having a bad few months. After being held captive in a cage and driven across the desert for a few days, he and Irvine had been deposited in cells in Rufus Shinra's prison underneath the Mako reactor, as he expected. Once he knew he wasn't going to die right away, he went from terrified to sarcastic. It was just the icing on the cake for him. He was done. He didn't want to do anything anymore and hoped for freedom, but expected to die. Once inside his cell, that was all he could do. Hope. Accept. Reflect.

He decided his life sucked. It was mostly his own fault that it did, he knew, but it didn't change anything. He felt completely unfulfilled and instead of getting emotional about it, he just sighed and shook his head in disappointment. That was all he could muster up. The overwhelming feeling of emptiness was taking up all the space for genuine emotion and left his burnt out husk of a body behind. He didn't care anymore.

His cell was tiny and contained a bed and a toilet. His meals were shoved through a slot in the solid metal door and he ate them sparingly. Everything he ate made him sick in some manner and more often than not, he would end up in bed sleeping it off. He was thankful for his uncanny ability to take a nap whenever he felt like it. Even if it was a rough one, it was still a nap, and they let the days blend together as he drifted around in nothingness.

He didn't know why he was there other than the fact that he was on the other side. He had assumed he would've been dead already had it been that simple. He didn't think he was of any use, but remembered when Sephiroth had explained to Cloud why Shinra liked to put things in prisons. He was collateral. Insurance that helped stave off a Balamb bombing or missile attack. His mild usefulness was amusing, but it stopped there. The rest of it was a mystery. He hoped they thought Irvine was just as useful; he hadn't seen the other cadet in weeks and was given no explanation for anything. He didn't attempt to talk to anyone, but even then, the only person he knew of was whoever slid the plates under his door and took them away afterward.

Four months of captivity didn't sound like a long time in the grand scheme of things. There were more worthy criminals out there serving much longer sentences, but for an innocent party, four months seemed like decades; especially so when the entirety of the time was spent in solitary confinement. He _ached_ for someone to talk to, for something new to look at, for something to occupy his time other than sleeping and thinking. His thoughts were poison and he drank it every waking moment, letting his emptiness coagulate into a lump in his chest.

Everything changed when his door opened for the first time in months. It startled him to the point where he flailed a bit and flung himself into a sitting position. His throat ran dry, his mind started racing, and his pulse thundered against his throat when he recognized who it was that was joining him in his dinky little hole in the wall. He forgot how to speak, he forgot how to hate him, he forgot just about everything important he told himself to remember and just _stared_, open mouthed and pale.

Cloud closed the door behind himself loudly and the lock clicked from the outside. He was carrying a metal rod in one hand and his eyes were on _fire_. A trickle of blood had seeped out of his arm where his needle had been just a few minutes before. It had dried in place and told Leon that he was severely fucked if he did anything stupid. Not only that, but he hadn't realized Cloud was taller than he was. Not by much, but just enough to be unfair and add to the intimidation. The blonde seemed impatient and leaned against the wall opposite of Leon's bed with a scowl. He clicked the metal rod against the wall a few times.

"You called?"


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 35

_I don't know what to say to him_.

Needless to say, Leon hadn't been expecting any visitors, let alone Cloud. There was very little he could think about other than his complete and utter lack of things to say. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement and glanced at the slot in his door. A tiny camera bug scooted its way through the space and skittered up the wall to take roost in one of the upper corners. Leon was just as confused with it as he was with his Charge but after a minute of thinking (as foggy as it was), he could sort of understand what was happening.

_Reno. If this turns out well… I'll… I'll have to bend over for him or something. This is way too surreal._

"Are you going to say anything or do you not understand me?" Cloud asked impatiently. Leon blinked a few times.

"Uh… yeah. I understand," he said stupidly.

"Good. Tell me what you know and I can leave."

"…What am I supposed to know?" Leon asked. The blonde raised a brow.

"You don't know anything?"

"I know a lot about a lot of things but I don't have some covert military secrets that I'm not supposed to talk about. I'm a student. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to tell you," he said. Cloud flexed his jaw a few times, thinking. He turned to the door and tapped the rod on it. The lock clicked again and the door opened just enough for Cloud to stick his face out into the hall.

"Why the fuck am I here?" he asked grumpily.

"Rufus says he knows something; I have no idea otherwise," someone else said. The voice was deep and rumbling. Leon didn't know who it was. Cloud glanced at the Carrier again.

"He looks like a fucking woman; do you really think a priss like this knows anything useful?" the blonde asked.

"Hey, I'm sitting right here," Leon said with a frown.

"I'm just following orders," the other in the hall said. Cloud sighed and closed the door again and went back to leaning against the wall.

"Tell me something so I can get back to doing something less stupid."

"Uh, well…" Leon trailed, thinking. The most of what he knew were things pertaining to his home plane and Cloud. He didn't want the blonde to leave, lose interest, and then not come back so he needed something to keep his attention. There was only one thing he could really come up with. "Aerith," he said hesitantly.

"What?" Cloud asked confusedly. His expression went from annoyance, to mild shock, and then back to annoyance. "You knew her?"

"Not exactly. But I know you carry a picture of her around with you," Leon said. Cloud stood a little straighter and his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"How—"

"That's not really important right now. Don't worry about the 'how' since I really want you to consider the 'why.'"

"So then tell me. Why did you ask for me? Why are you here? Why do you concern yourself with Aerith?"

"I don't concern myself with her."

"Then why did you bring her up?"

"To get your attention."

"You've had it since I came in," the blonde said flatly. Leon shrugged.

"Prolonged interest, then."

"Fine. I'm interested. Tell me something to keep it that way."

The Carrier took a few minutes to consider how much he should really say. He still didn't have a plan of action, and the suddenness of the situation wasn't ideal. He was scared of saying too much and scaring Cloud off, but he was also afraid of not saying enough to keep him around. There were tons of things to say to shock him, but Leon was hesitant. Too much shock could make the situation go anywhere and hardly any of it sounded good. But he had to try _something. _It just wasn't good that he was a terrible liar.

"I can fill in the gaps in your life," he said, choosing honesty. Cloud furrowed his brows.

"Gaps?"

"Yes. You don't have things you wish you knew?"

"Knew about what exactly?"

"Anything. Things about yourself, things about the people around you, maybe even learning things you never had a chance to learn?"

"I'm not sure I understand what you're telling me. Are you offering to teach me things? Or are you telling me you know a lot about me?"

"Both."

"What the hell could you possibly tell me about myself that I don't already know? You've known me all of six minutes."

"Six minutes to you is years to me. I know you well enough to know that you have a birthmark on your left testicle," Leon blurted and immediately regretted it. Cloud just _stared_ at him. Silent. Unfeeling.

"Excuse me?" he asked blandly. Leon shrugged nonchalantly, refusing to let the other realize how rattled he was. He was waiting for the blonde to get angry and retaliate, but the lack of expression was perhaps even scarier.

"It's true. You know it is," he said. His palms started to sweat.

"Yeah. It is. I'm… disturbed."

"But you're listening now, which was the point."

"Yeah. I am. I'm also debating on how hard to beat your face in."

"But I'm supposed to tell you things. How can I tell you if my face is smashed?" Leon asked, gripping his pant leg to keep his fingers from shaking. Cloud wasn't amused and glared at him, running his thumb over a treaded ring near the base of his metal rod. It was a switch and the prongs at the end crackled with frightening electricity. Leon hadn't anticipated it, and his mind flew into a panic quickly. "Wait," he said, holding up his hands defensively.

"I don't see why I should. Freaks like you shouldn't exist. You've obviously been stalking me or something; watching me shower or whatever it is that gets you off. Why the fuck should I give a damn about you?"

"You don't have to, but let me explain. It was never my intention to—"

"Fuck your intentions! What intentions could you possibly have for getting _that_ close to me? How the hell did you even do it? Can you slip between floorboards like fog? Are you some sort of mutant that can see through walls? I'm really fucking curious because I've never seen you in my life! You could've had the intention of giving me a bag of money and it still wouldn't make me feel good about this."

"You're totally right—" Leon said as Cloud lifted his arm in preparation to bring the rod down on him. "Wait! Wait! Hang on!" the Carrier amended, slouching lower against his bed. The blonde's patience had run out and he swung at the brunette. Leon flattened himself against his bed and the rod clanked against the wall. He quickly reached up and grabbed Cloud's forearm. "I said 'wait' damnit!"

"Let go," Cloud spat and tried to pull his arm back. Leon didn't let go and held him in place. The blonde pulled back harder and ended up yanking the Carrier out of the bed with him. Leon kept his footing and brought his free hand up to grab the blonde's wrist.

"Just fucking listen to me for a second!"

"I've heard enough," Cloud growled. Leon was bent awkwardly under the blonde's arm and couldn't move anywhere without losing his balance. Cloud pulled his arm to the side and tugged Leon with it. The Carrier lurched forward with him and was able to stand straight again. He lifted a foot and pressed his shoe into the blonde's gut and shoved him back. He was hoping only the end of the rod was electrified and not the rest of it. Clouds hold on it faltered and Leon was able to pull the weapon out of his hand by grabbing the middle of it. He was extremely happy he wasn't shocked and shoved the rod through the slot in his door and let it clatter into the hallway.

His distraction allowed Cloud enough time to retaliate and when he turned to the blonde again, he found the other practically standing on top of him. The Charge grabbed his jaw in one hand and shoved him against the door, smacking his head against it and making Leon see stars. The Carrier immediately tried to pull the hand off his face but couldn't get his Charge to budge. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the blonde. He was frantically trying to think of ways to get away without causing any damage, but couldn't think fast enough.

Cloud was breathing way too fast to be normal. His palm was covering the Carrier's mouth while his fingers and thumb held him in place, but even through his own panicked panting, Leon could tell something wasn't okay. Either the blonde didn't notice, or didn't care, because he stuck his free hand in his pocket and brought his knife into Leon's line of sight. The Carrier's eyes went wide he tried to wrench away with no avail. The blonde clicked the blade up and pressed the tip into Leon's forehead and dragged it across his face between his eyes. Leon's scream was caught in his throat as the slash burned across his face. Blood poured down his face and over Cloud's hand just enough to coat his fingers before the blonde tossed him aside.

Leon held his face in his hands as a hoarse wail stopped right before his vocal cords as he forced himself not to scream. The pain was immense and the blood loss was a serious cause for worry, but Cloud became his main focus when the blonde's legs buckled underneath himself and he had to drop the knife to hold himself upright. A bright streak of blood slid down the door as he slowly lowered himself to his knees, his breath coming in great heaves as his heartbeat started spiraling out of control. Leon's vision was starting to blur and his hands were shaking but he scooted closer to the blonde and reached a hand in front of him to press his fingers into Cloud's pulse to get an understanding. The blonde immediately shoved him away.

"Don't f-fucking touch m-me," he stammered and pushed himself backwards, holding his chest. The Carrier's heart broke a little but he understood the animosity. They weren't off to the greatest start. Cloud was pale, sweating, and his eyes were losing focus. Leon wasn't doing well either, but at least he knew he could breath for the moment. He banged on his door a bit, hoping to get someone's attention. When he didn't get someone immediately, he turned his attention back to Cloud. The blonde was fading quickly. Leon dizzily scooted towards him again and felt his pulse again. It was weak and Cloud wasn't awake enough to slap him away again. The Carrier tapped his face.

"Cloud. Hey," he said weakly. He shook him a little and pushed his face around, hoping for a response. He vaguely noticed the droplets of blood landing on the Charge's arm, but couldn't process that they were coming from his face. He was more concerned about waking the blonde up but he was so tired all of a sudden and could hardly keep his eyes open. There was a bang on the door that he sort of registered, but was unconscious by the time a pair of hands pulled him backwards.

* * *

The first order of business for Reno was to make sure Leon was going to be okay. He had been watching while the entire confrontation unfolded and hurried down to his friend's cell as quickly as he could when it became violent. The guilt he felt was suffocating. He blamed himself for everything so far, but tried to push it aside and take care of Leon as much as he could. He was limited on what he could bring with him down into the cell as he needed to keep it all hidden. If anyone noticed him helping, he could be in heaps of trouble. All he could do was clean up and bandage Leon as best he could. Rude carried Cloud away to get treatment.

After laying Leon down in his bed again, Reno tried to wipe up as much blood as he could before he hurried away and made his way up to the infirmary where Cloud was. The redhead was thankful for his Charge's help and was even happier that he didn't ask any questions. The doctors that worked in the prison were some of the best Midgar had to offer even if the standard of medical care wasn't the highest in Reno's opinion. Rufus Shinra needed his own medical team around him constantly so he kept them close. Whoever was in the prison that would receive treatment was in good hands.

"Mako overdose," a nurse explained when Reno asked how Cloud was. "He couldn't remember when he last took some so the dose we gave him was half of what was normal for him, but it was still more than he needed. His heart couldn't take it, but the damage was minimal. He'll be alright in a few days. We'll keep him off it for a week and let him readjust."

"Thanks," Reno said and bid his farewells. Though he blamed himself, he was furious at Cloud. He didn't want to stick around and offer the blonde his assistance any more than he felt he had to. He was doing it for Leon, though so far, his help was more detrimental than it was good.

"Well?" Rude asked when Reno returned to their living area. They had what was equal to a tiny apartment together down the hall from Rufus' living quarters. Tseng and their other partner, Elena, had one on the opposite end.

"I hope Squall will be okay. I know Cloud will be," the redhead muttered, pulling the bloodied rag out of his jacket pocket and tossing it in his laundry bin with a heavy sigh. He sat on the tiny sofa in the main room and rubbed his forehead.

"That's good then," Rude said, sitting next to him. Reno felt awful and wanted nothing more than to smash his face in his Charge's shoulder and cry his eyes out. But his pride and common sense got in the way, leaving him in his place while he stewed in his guilt.

"This was a mistake."

"I don't understand what's going on so I can't agree or disagree."

"I wish I could explain it to you."

"I wish you could too," Rude sighed. Reno got up and headed into their little kitchenette to wash his hands. He scrubbed and scrubbed but a tiny line of red wouldn't get out from under his fingernails. Frustrated, he washed for so long, his skin turned raw. It eventually started to hurt and he had to force himself to stop. Rude leaned against the cabinet next to him and watched the scene with a frown. Reno glanced at him briefly.

"What?" he asked, reaching for a towel. He dried his hands gently and looked them over with a scowl.

"I want you to try."

"Try?"

"Try and explain."

"I can't."

"Can't? Or won't?"

"Can't."

"Do you not trust me?" Rude asked.

"No, I do. I just…" the redhead trailed, thinking it over. It was obvious that Plane 087 was dying. Reno wasn't completely confident he could convince Rude to follow him over to his home plane just yet but even if he blew the whistle on why he and Leon were there in the first place, it wouldn't matter. Even if Midgar or Balamb tried to emulate what the people were doing back home, it wouldn't make a difference in the ultimate eventuality. Only if the war stopped would things begin to heal. If that doesn't happen, then whatever Reno and Leon did wasn't enough to help or hurt.

"I'm sorry I asked, then. You don't need to trust me," Rude said when Reno hesitated too long. The redhead shook his head a bit.

"Stop it. I trust you. But I'm nervous. I want to tell you, but I've already done enough damage to our friendship. I don't want to give you any more reasons to dislike me."

"I don't dislike you. Why would I do that? Because you're gay?"

"Gay for _you_," Reno muttered. Rude shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Whatever. You know what I mean. I don't dislike you for it."

"I just don't want to take that chance."

"It hurts more when you hide things from me. If that's what you're worried about," the Charge said. The Carrier sighed and pushed his brows together sadly.

"Don't tell me that," he whined. Rude shrugged and left him standing in the kitchenette. They had separate bedrooms in their living quarters and his Charge ducked into his own and closed the door quietly behind himself. Reno's chest hurt and he could feel his heart crinkle up into a little ball. He gave in quickly and went to knock on Rude's door.

"What?" his Charge asked. Reno winced at his tone.

"Okay. I'll tell you as much as I can," he murmured. Rude raised a brow, but stepped aside and let the redhead into his room.

"I'm listening."

"Well first off, Squall's name isn't 'Squall' it's 'Leon.' And he and I aren't from here."

"From Midgar?"

"No, from this… world. At all," Reno said hesitantly. Rude furrowed his brows together but the redhead kept going before he could protest. "We have something very important that we need to do back home and we came here looking for people to help us with it. Leon picked Cloud and I… picked you. Obviously we're having an easier time getting along than they are, but we both need you two just as much. There's a whole lot more to it than what I'm saying, but the basic idea is all I can think to get across without confusing you."

"I'm already confused."

"I know. I'm sorry. Leon and I can't stay here forever, and the plan was to make a connection with the people we picked so that you'd be willing to follow us and help us. I've known you for _years_ and you had no idea. I knew who you were before you did and when I say I've had feelings for you for a long time… I really mean a _long time_. You are the most important person in my life whether you know it or not and… I blew it because I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut," Reno explained, crossing his arms over his chest and hunching his shoulders. He kept his eyes to the floor. "Even if you don't want to leave with me, I want to try my hardest to help Leon so that the last twenty years weren't a complete waste."

"Twenty years? How old are you again?"

"I told you I'm twenty-five. Well… I was when I got here. In reality, I'm in my forties," Reno said. Rude stared at him in shock. "But before you freak out on me, I really should say that age doesn't matter where I come from. So long as I take care of myself, I'll live longer than dirt so… I may have been around for that long, but my body isn't going to age even if I make it to eight hundred."

"…I don't believe you."

"I don't expect you to. We're not nearly to the point where I would've liked us to be for all of this."

"So… what? Were you trying to get us to… date or something before you explained?" Rude asked uneasily. Reno's cheeks turned pink and it stared at the floor.

"That was wishful thinking on my part, but so long as you came with me, then I would've been satisfied. I'd worry about what I was going to do with myself later. My purpose comes first and so long as you're happy following me, then there isn't much more I can ask. I never had the intention of forcing you to do something you didn't want to do. Like I said before, I'd understand if you wanted to hang around someone else. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes."

"…You're serious."

"Yes," the redhead said. Rude went to sit on the corner of his bed and ran a hand over his head. "Even if you decide to stay here, I need to make sure Leon is okay. If it gets to be too much, then I'm pulling both of us out of here. Our purpose back home is bigger than anything you can imagine."

"So you'd just… leave? You wouldn't come back for me eventually?"

"I only get one shot at this. So no. I couldn't come back. It would hurt and I'd… probably never get over it, but this whole thing is way more important than my happiness; as twisted as that sounds, it's true. I can't afford to be delusional and think otherwise."

"Would I be able to come back?"

"No. That's why I was hoping we'd be much closer before we left so you felt like you could depend on me if you needed something. I'm not here to ruin your life or make it more difficult. The goal was to take you with me, away from the war, and give you the opportunity to do something with your life that would benefit an entire world in the end. Yours isn't going to last very long," Reno said. Rude rubbed his face tiredly.

"I can't even wrap my head around this. I'm still stuck on your age."

"I'm sorry. I'd understand if you—"

"Stop saying that. You've done nothing to hurt me so quit talking like you have. You've just done a really good job of confusing me. I need some time to think about all of this. I'll decide what I should do once I get my thoughts in order," the Charge said. Reno nodded and shuffled towards the door. "Reno."

"Hm?"

"You're not making this up, right? I really don't want to believe you'd lie to me."

"The only thing I've lied to you about is my age. Everything else is genuine. I promise."

"Okay. Let me think. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay," the redhead said, ducking out of the room quietly. His heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest with anxiety and he made his way into his own bedroom and locked himself in. He threw himself on his bed and buried his face in his pillow, willing the nervousness to go away. He didn't feel like Rude was going to ever believe him or follow him. He knew he had ruined his chance. It was way too soon to say so much and whatever future he had hoped for was gone. He was done. His only choice now was to help Leon as much as he could so at least one of them could make some progress.

* * *

Cloud felt like absolute garbage. The lights in his room in the infirmary were way too bright and his head hurt way too much. He immediately closed them again and tried to roll over. He found he hardly had the strength to lift his arm. His mind instantly asked for more Mako so he could function somewhat normally. The desire only made his headache worse. He tried opening his eyes again and moving some, but only succeeded in alerting his nurse and she came to his side.

"Congratulations. You're alive," she said blandly with a small smirk. She blurred in an out of focus. "You've been out for a few hours. You tried to wake up a few times already but it didn't work out very well, so we kept you sedated. Can you move?"

"Tired," Cloud breathed. She gave him a very sarcastic sympathetic smile.

"I bet."

She left him there. The lack of bedside manner was normal, but didn't help him very much. He had wanted her to stay so he could ask her what the hell happened to him. Judging by how much everything hurt, he felt he had been run over by a train. The last thing he could remember clearly was arriving in Galbadia and unpacking his things. The rest of it up until that point was a hazy fog that drifted out of his ears. He hated not remembering things. He couldn't even remember what day it was. Having to be reminded of so many simple things every other hour was embarrassing as much as it was discouraging.

He drifted for a while. For how long, he couldn't say. His nurse was nice enough to give him some water and move his bed so he could sit up, but she was fairly useless otherwise. She refused to give him any Mako, and had he had the strength, he would've smacked her for it. The sun went up and the sun went down and even after doing that a few times, she still refused. As time ticked by, he could eventually move enough to sit up on his own, even if the action left him breathless and made him want to vomit.

"Mr. Shinra says for you to go back downstairs when you can move on your own," the nurse explained.

"Downstairs?" Cloud asked.

"To your prisoner?"

"Pris—Oh, right. I forgot about him," the blonde said, rubbing his forehead. He had apparently went to see the man who had called him there. He didn't doubt it, but he couldn't remember it. The only thing he could remember was his instructions and blood. The blood was nothing new, so he pushed it aside and figured it was his brain rattling around and recalling things from months ago. He focused on his instructions and hobbled his way out of the infirmary towards the elevator. He could sort of remember what cell it was. The guard that led him down the hall did, though, so he decided to forget about it.

By the time he got to the cell, he felt like he had run a marathon. Withdrawal was the worst possible feeling. Having to go interrogate someone even though he was in no condition to do so only reminded him how much he hated his life. He didn't see a way out of it though. He had accepted his situation and was just going with the motions until he died. He sort of wished whatever had happened to him that made him go to the infirmary had killed him. At least then the pain would stop and he could sleep for a while.

His prisoner looked to be in just about the same condition. Leon hardly reacted when Cloud came in again and remained in place on his stomach, on his bed. The Carrier was pale, sweaty, thin, and his face hurt to move. He was overly warm and didn't doubt that he had a fever; most likely from an infection stewing in his new facial feature. He _really_ needed new bandages. Despite the negativity so far, Leon couldn't bring himself to get angry at his Charge. In fact, he was relieved the blonde was okay, even if he looked like shit.

"Oh good," he mumbled against his pillow. Cloud raised a brow.

"Good?"

"You're not dead."

"…Yay? The fuck happened to your face?" the blonde asked. He leaned against the wall and used it as a brace so he could sit on the floor. Leon didn't show any outward reaction to the question, but was relieved Cloud couldn't remember.

"Nothing important. I tried to make a break for it and the guards caught me and… yeah. Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"Well that was stupid. Why did you think you could get away?"

"I didn't. I just needed something to break up the monotony. Silly me," Leon said flatly. Cloud shook his head a bit.

"Whatever you say. Just tell me something so I can go back to bed."

"They woke you up so you could come back down here?"

"They told me to come down here as soon as I could move by myself."

"That sucks. Sorry. I don't have much to talk about other than what I know about you," the Carrier said. The blonde was trying his hardest to remember what happened the last time they saw one another. Aside from remembering that Leon existed, there wasn't much to go by. But he didn't want the brunette to realize his lapses.

"So go ahead. Amaze me," he said, rubbing an eye.

"Have you ever been curious about your parents?" Leon asked. Another camera bug scooted into the room and resumed its place by the ceiling. Reno was paying close attention again.

"Not really," Cloud deadpanned. Leon ignored the attempt to end the conversation and folded his arms under his head.

"They were good people."

"Wonderful."

"Your father especially."

"Was he a soldier?"

"Yes, actually."

"Was he married to my mother?"

"…No."

"Then I don't give a damn."

"I'm not sure I understand. Why would that matter?"

"Because I don't want to know if my mother was some random whore he took advantage of. If they were married, it would imply they actually gave a shit about one another and may have been somewhat normal."

"You don't have to get married to be dedicated."

"You do where I come from," Cloud said. So far, he didn't believe Leon at all. He was hoping to weed through the arbitrary things until the Carrier decided to talk about the important ones. Leon frowned and shakily pushed himself up to a sitting position. The entire front of his bandage was a deep red and Cloud raised a brow at it but didn't say anything.

"I don't know what else to say," the Carrier admitted. He decided to steer clear of any Aerith discussions. He was quickly running out of ammunition otherwise. Cloud wasn't pushing for much and looked like he was about to fall asleep.

"Why did you ask for me?" he asked sleepily.

"Because I need you."

"For what?"

"Well… I'm not sure how much I should tell you yet. You obviously have no interest in me other than whatever your superiors are telling you to have. I have lots to say and talk to you about, but I don't have much that will help you get them off your back. Sorry. But I need you to stick with me for a bit until I can get you to understand."

"I'm not allowed to leave here until you tell me something they can use."

"Then I guess we're roommates."

"Not funny," Cloud faded. His eyes drooped closed for a second before he forced them open again. He felt like a puddle of jelly. Leon scooted off his bed to the floor and sat across from him.

"If you can get yourself up, you can have my bed."

"Fuck off."

"Yeah, I don't blame you for the hostility. But if I was waiting for you to fall asleep so I could kill you or something, I wouldn't give you my bed first. I'd just wait. It's a lot less effort on my part," Leon said, slouching against the bed and folding his hands over his stomach. He was extremely tired himself, but he had been sleeping so much already that he couldn't make himself do it anymore. He was slowly getting sick from his infection and lack of sufficient food. He was hoping to make a connection of some sort before he died, but he wasn't holding his breath. But he refused to give Cloud a reason for getting angry at him again. If he was to die there, he wanted to not be hated.

First impressions were a myth. All Leon had to do was wait for Cloud to forget the first time and then he could try again and get a more positive result. So far, though not perfect, he was much happier with this meeting than he was with the first one. It almost felt like his Charge was compensating for his complete lack of social skills without knowing it. It was a thought that made the Carrier smile a bit on the inside. He ran out of things to talk about, though. They sat together quietly while Cloud tried with every ounce of energy to stay awake. But after twenty minutes of silence, his body gave in and he was asleep.

Leon waited for a bit to make sure the blonde was truly out. He knew he didn't have the strength to lift him and plop him in the bed, but he at least wanted to lay him down so he could be somewhat comfortable. He was about to reach for his pillow when there was a light knock on the door. It opened a bit and Reno peeked inside. The brunette let out a sigh.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered. Reno frowned but came into the cell and closed the door behind himself.

"Attempting to help," he said quietly. He had an armful of fabric and set it on the bed before he pulled out a rag, some more bandages, and a bottle of disinfectant from his jacket pocket. "You smell, by the way."

"Good. I would hope so. I haven't been able to shower in… weeks," Leon muttered. Reno stooped and scooped Cloud up and set him on the bed.

"It's pretty ripe, I must say," the redhead said, taking a seat in front of his friend. Leon shrugged.

"How did you set all this up?" he asked.

"Pulled some strings. I feel awful about what's happened though. I really didn't think he would go off the deep end so quickly."

"I wouldn't have expected you to know. I think I'm one of the few people who actually understands him to a certain degree."

"I'm really really sorry th—"

"Don't be. You've done me an enormous favor. I can't even begin to pay you back," Leon said. Reno frowned and took up the rag and disinfectant.

"I disagree, but I can't argue with you. I need to clean you up," he said. The brunette started feeling around his bandages for a way to unravel them. Reno ended up helping him and doing most of the work. After a bit of pained hissing and a few tugs, the cloth came free of the weak scabbing and Reno nearly broke apart with the guilt when he saw the damage.

"Is it really that bad?" Leon asked weakly. The redhead forced himself to look away and focus on the cleanup.

"It's not pretty," he said in monotone. He doused the rag in the disinfectant and started dabbing at the wound as gently as he could. Leon had to bite a finger to keep himself quiet so he didn't wake Cloud up. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, and he wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out. He started pulling away in reflex and Reno had to hold his face in place to get everything clean.

"How're things with you and Rude?" the brunette asked when the brunt of the pain was finished. Reno sighed.

"I'd rather not talk about it. He's right outside. I will say that he knows, though. About us."

"You told him?"

"…Yeah."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"It's okay. It has nothing to do with you, really. I just… I don't think we'll get much farther than we already have. I… I blew it."

"Cloud and I aren't exactly having babies together, either, and even I'm not that negative. What happened to you? You used to be the positive one in this friendship," Leon asked. Reno started rewrapping the brunette's wound with a scowl.

"I got a reality check," he said. "Now I'm just trying to figure out a way to get us out of here alive."

"What do you mean?"

"Once they figure out you're not as informed as I made you out to be, they'll most likely try to kill you off, even if they do it by starving you. They'll probably try to come after me too since I lied to them. If that happens, regardless of what stage we're at with Rude and Cloud, I'm pulling us out. I refuse to let us go down like that."

"I'm not leaving without Cloud."

"Leon, I understand that feeling, but you have to be realistic."

"No, _you_ have to readjust your attitude. I don't blame you for what's happening to me, but you've done me a serious favor and I intend to take full advantage of it. If you pull me out of here before I've had a chance to make any progress, then it _will_ be your fault and I _will_ blame you. I don't want to do that. If I die here, then I die here. The Technicians have my DNA. They can clone me if they're that concerned about it. What's another twenty years of waiting when your Totem has no family riding on your existence? I can understand if you have to leave because you have people back home that you need to get back to, but I don't have that luxury. Cloud is all I have. I _can't_ leave him here."

"Leon…"

"Thank you for helping me. I can take it from here. You should leave before you're caught," the brunette said. "I'll see you again soon, hopefully."


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: **Derp. This chapter his not one of my favorites. It's a little jumbled.

**Warning:** Sensitive material ahead.

* * *

Chapter 36

Leon had honestly thought Cloud would sleep for only an hour, maybe two. He couldn't have been more wrong. The blob of fabric Reno had brought with him the previous evening was a change of clothes; a white t-shirt and a pair of black pants. The Carrier ended up balling his old clothing up on the floor and using it as a pillow while his Charge snoozed away comfortably. Leon didn't mind at first. He could sleep just about anywhere, but after almost a full day on the floor, his joints were screaming.

He was trying to be patient. He didn't understand the full extent of Cloud's withdrawal so he couldn't get angry or annoyed because it wasn't the blonde's fault in the first place. In an effort to learn more, Leon observed closely. He noticed a pattern in the blonde's breathing that wasn't quite right. He would breathe in, there would be a slight hitch, and then he would breathe out normally. The Carrier eventually got too curious and scooted a bit closer, hoping and praying that Cloud didn't wake up. He laid his face on his Charge's chest, listening to his heart closely. In between the beats, there was a barely audible '_whoosh_' sound. The Carrier doubted he could've heard it if he were human, but would've liked to have had a stethoscope to be extra certain.

_He has a heart murmur_, Leon concluded unhappily. He wished he had the appropriate equipment to determine the severity. Zillions of people lived with murmurs without even realizing it, but relying on his ear alone was no way to gauge if Cloud's was one of those harmless ones. It was obvious his breathing was different and uneven; Leon could only imagine the damage that had been done to the rest of him. It was a depressing thought process, but one that built his determination to get them both out of there. But before he could focus on the important things, he needed to get Cloud out of his bed. He jabbed the blonde in the side with his finger. When he didn't react, Leon tried again. And then again. He lost his patience quickly and simply slapped the blonde on the chest. Cloud snorted loudly and sat up.

"The fuck was that for?" the blonde grumped, sending Leon a searing glare. The Carrier just stared at him. It took a few seconds, but Cloud eventually realized what the problem was.

"Get out of my bed. I'm tired of sitting on the floor. My ass hurts."

"Are you sure that isn't from all the dicks you've had up there?" the blonde spat. Leon rolled his eyes. The blonde scooted out of the bed and stood on wobbly legs. He didn't know how he ended up in the bed, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. But he didn't let on that he was bothered by it and left the cell in a huff, slamming the door behind himself. Back inside, Leon groggily pulled himself in the bed and lay down with a tired sigh.

_It smells like him_, he noted. He squished his pillow to his nose and inhaled. It was a comforting smell. He didn't know why, exactly, but he was okay with it. He was also happy that the majority of his paltry mattress was warmed up for him. He was able to focus on the positives and ignore the throbbing pain that thumped through his face. Falling asleep had never been easier. He could get used to that.

* * *

Cloud stayed away from Leon for several days afterward. He eventually got the go-ahead to use Mako again and was quick to suck up whatever the nurse would give him. He just wanted the withdrawal to go away. He hated feeling feeble and like his heart was about to explode from his chest. The rush was immediate when he felt the needle. He let out a relieved sigh and flexed his arm a few times, coaxing the substance to spread faster. Afterward, he was sort of at odds with himself. He felt better, but he wasn't sure what he wanted to do right away. He was jittery and needed to do _something_. Just talking with Leon wasn't going to be enough to keep him occupied.

He decided to try and get out for a bit. Where he was going to go, he had no idea. But he had a motorcycle, and that was enough for him. Trekking his way through the compound was simple enough, but once he meandered his way through the enormous front lobby, he was stopped at the doors. Other soldiers and workers were coming and going as they pleased, and yet a pair of guards was making a sincere effort to keep him from leaving. He was quick to get angry.

"Get out of my way," he spat. One of the guards put his hand on the blonde's chest and nudged him back.

"Mr. Shinra's orders. You're not to leave," he said simply. Cloud scowled.

"Fuck that; what is he going to do? Run over my foot with his wheelchair?"

"Possibly. Then shortly thereafter he'll have his people take you out into the desert and leave you there."

"Why? What difference does it make if I leave?"

"You have a job to do."

"And a couple hours away is going to make the world fall apart?"

"Yes," the guard said flatly, nudging Cloud back more. The blonde considered starting something physical; throwing a punch or two. But he was more concerned with who Rufus Shinra thought he was. In Cloud's mind, the man had some serious balls to get in his way and prevent him from doing as he pleased. He made it his priority to confront him and stomped away and headed back upstairs. He barged into the man's office where Rufus was sitting behind his desk with the phone to his ear. There was a woman standing next to him like a statue with her arms folded behind her back.

"Where the hell do you get off thinking you have control over me and what I decide to do?" Cloud barked, making his way towards the desk. Rufus mumbled something into the telephone and placed the receiver back on its cradle. The woman rounded the desk and stood in Cloud's way. He glared at her.

"You're on loan from the military. They own you. Since I'm borrowing you, that means I have temporary ownership. Do as I say, finish your job, and then you can do what you want," Rufus explained simply.

"That's bullshit. You don't own me. Call off your dogs and let me get out before I go insane."

"And what do you plan on doing out there? There is nothing but sand."

"I didn't get that far."

"You seem to think there are things to do outside this facility; as if you were in the city. Well you're not. I can guarantee you won't find anything of interest out there so you may as well get back to work."

"What I would _like_ to do is have a break. I spent… I don't even know how long in the infirmary and I need a bit of a morale boost. If that matters to you. Which I doubt it does," Cloud said flippantly. He looked the stone-faced woman over as she stood like a wall in front of him. He smirked. "If I could borrow her for a couple hours, that'd be enough."

"No thanks," the woman said.

"I wasn't asking _you_."

"No thanks," Rufus interjected.

"Then I guess I'm not asking," Cloud said arrogantly and reached out to grab the woman's arm. She sidestepped him, grabbed his wrist, and twisted the limb around until it was flattened against his back. With her free arm, she drew a pistol and pressed it to the base of his skull as she held him in place.

"Elena. Stop it. He's just and idiot. He can't help himself," Rufus said with a sigh. Cloud wrenched his arm around, yanking the woman with it. He flung her aside easily, sending her sprawling onto the office floor. He made to stalk over to her and manhandle her some more, but he was stopped by a large hand on his shoulder. He turned and came face-to-face with Rude. Reno appeared next to him with a wide smile.

"You seem uptight. Is there a problem?" the redhead asked gleefully. Cloud scowled.

"It's none of your business."

"But you're wigging out in front of my boss and assaulting my friend; I think it _is_ my problem."

"He was just leaving," Rufus said, wheeling himself around his desk with a bit of strain. Elena stood calmly and brushed her suit back into place. Cloud looked between the three bodyguards in turn before he caught Rufus' very meaning glare. He took the hint and left angrily, slamming the door closed behind himself. There wasn't much else he could do. His only alternative to going completely insane was to go down into Leon's cell and try to get as much out of the brunette as he possibly could.

He headed off towards the stairs.

* * *

Reno was quick to excuse himself and leave Rufus' office. It was Rude's shift anyway, but now that Cloud was awake and on the loose, he needed to keep an eye out for Leon. He hurried off back to his bedroom and started weaving his way through the halls with a camera. He caught up to Cloud quickly, as the blonde was taking the long way down into the prison. He was attempting to expel as much pent up energy as possible before he met with Leon again so he could keep control of himself. He was getting tired of waking up to dead bodies.

The redhead's heart sunk a little when they got to Leon's cell. Cloud wasn't any calmer despite his best efforts and burst into the room in a rage. Leon sat up in his bed almost instantly with wide startled eyes. He then cringed and held his face in pain. Reno frowned. The blonde didn't pay any attention to the Carrier's current discomfort and immediately backhanded Leon across the face. He grabbed the brunette's shirt and shook him.

"Tell me!" he roared furiously. Leon was seeing stars again as the pain swelled in his face and took over his entire thinking space.

"T-tell you what?" he asked hesitantly. Cloud shook him harshly before dropping him back on the bed.

"I can't leave this pit until you tell me something of use! They're keeping me here like an animal when I've done nothing to deserve it. It's _your_ fault I'm here. It's _your_ fault I'm going insane. So now _you_ have to fix it. Tell me something I can use so I can leave!"

"You're acting like a child," Leon muttered, massaging his face through his bandages gently. Cloud's face went from anger, to hell splitting fury at the comment and he grabbed the brunette by the throat and pulled him to his feet. He was prepared to beat the Carrier to a pulp but he stopped himself, vaguely remembering that Leon was important and he shouldn't die yet. Reno watched the scene with worried eyes, wondering how far Cloud would go and why Leon wasn't resisting.

In the russet Carrier's mind, all he could see was the damage he had caused to Seifer by retaliating. It was taking every ounce of willpower he had to not strike Cloud back. It was obvious the blonde was tweaked and not in his right mind; he wasn't deserving of punishment yet. Even if he _was_ deserving, Leon still didn't want to hurt him. He didn't know the extent of the medical care in the prison and he wasn't willing to chance causing permanent damage to his Charge if the people there didn't have instant healing like they did in Balamb. Even as he choked on the air as it rushed back into his lungs, he didn't want to hurt anyone. He was put off by how Cloud backed away from him and just _stared_ at him.

"You disgust me," he said simply.

"Not much I can do about that, sorry," Leon said hoarsely, pulling himself back into his bed.

"Where's your beard?" Cloud asked. The brunette furrowed his brows a bit, confused by the question.

"What beard?"

"They obviously don't let you bathe in here, so why would they let you shave? Where's your beard?"

_Oh fuck, I forgot people are hairy like that_, Leon told himself. On the other side of the camera, Reno had to laugh a bit. The random logical observation was amusing. His friend seemed to be at a loss with the question and stayed silent.

"Well?" Cloud asked impatiently.

"Uh… good question. I must have misplaced it. Have you seen one lying around anywhere?"

"You can't even grow a beard? It isn't enough to just look like a woman? Do you _really_ have to go the extra mile and _be_ one?"

"You like your women that hairy? Interesting. Remind me to try harder later. I'm making a serious effort to appeal to all of your fetishes."

"That's sick."

"No, that's dry sarcasm."

"It's still disgusting. But if you're going to put that much effort into it, I may as well take advantage, yeah?" Cloud asked rhetorically and stepped to the side of Leon's bed and shoved the Carrier to the side. He grabbed the top hem of Leon's pants and dragged him backwards towards himself. The brunette tried to cling to the mattress.

"Wait, what are you doing?" he asked shakily, fearing he already knew the answer. Cloud pressed his pelvis against Leon's rump and grabbed a handful of the Carrier's hair. He pulled the brunette back, forcing him to bend at an unnatural angle. He brought their face close.

"You won't give me what I want, so I'm stuck here. That means you're my only source of entertainment. Until you give me something I can use, I'm going to use you for what I want," the blonde said, his tone low and threatening. He kept hold of Leon's hair with one hand and used his free one to pull at the Carrier's pants.

"Wait! Stop for a second and think about what you're doing!" Leon said frantically, trying to worm away from his Charge. Between being pulled backwards one way and his legs being trapped between Cloud and the bed, he was going nowhere fast. He clawed at the mattress, trying to find enough friction to pull himself away.

"Oh, I know exactly what I'm doing, thanks. I don't need advice from a professional queer on how to do this. It all works the same, right?" the blonde replied. A swift pull broke the zipper and the button on the front of Leon's pants and they were tugged down easily. Leon's struggling doubled in force as the panic set in. Cloud let go of the Carrier's hair and Leon immediately crawled further onto the bed. He only got a few inches away before the blonde was on him again, forcing him on his knees with his face pressed to the wall above his pillow. Leon tried to get away again, but only managed to scoot forward and allow Cloud to pin his entire torso to the wall.

Leon had enough leverage to get away. He knew he did. All it would take was a quick elbow into Cloud's side and he could get away and to a point where he could defend himself properly. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was scared of hurting Cloud. It scared him so much that it kept him frozen in place, accepting whatever the blonde was going to do to him. His pride had been shot full of holes and left to die on the floor. He felt pathetic. Useless. Humiliated. Even when he heard the blonde's zipper come undone, all he could think was:

_This isn't him. This isn't my Charge. This isn't Cloud._

A scream ripped out of his throat when Cloud forcibly entered him, obliterating any though processes he had. His mind couldn't focus on anything else but the pain and the heat of the blonde's breath on the back of his neck. Leon squeezed his eyes shut and kept his forehead pressed to the wall, refusing to look over his shoulder and see his Charge's face. The pain from the gash on his forehead counteracted the pain coming from behind him but the mental anguish was still there, blanking the rest of everything out and ripping his psyche to pieces.

* * *

Reno had abandoned the computer when Cloud pinned Leon to the wall. He left everything on and recording in his panic and flew out of his bedroom towards the elevator. The machine was taking entirely too long to come to his floor and he stood there for all of two seconds before he decided to gallop down the stairs. All he could think about was how he and Leon needed to leave. The pain wasn't worth the life of torture Leon would have if he took Cloud home with him after everything so far. It didn't matter if the brunette could forgive the blonde; he would still be interacting with his rapist on a daily basis. Reno couldn't understand the appeal of having Cloud after it all. Surely Leon could find someone else that didn't abuse him and would keep him happy for the rest of his life.

The redhead blew past all the security on his way through the prison halls. Everyone there knew his face but still called after him, trying to see what the problem was. He ignored them and patted his pockets for his keys when he grew closer to Leon's hall. He didn't have a huge ring of keys for every cell in the prison, but he did have a master key that unlocked just about anything in the facility. It was a useful tool to have, and he thanked Rufus' trust for every second it took him to find it amongst the rest of his keys.

A door closed loudly down the hallway and the sound made him stop running. Cloud was leaving Leon's cell. They passed one another, Reno watching the blonde walk by him casually and hating him for every step he took. The redhead waited until he couldn't see the Charge anymore before he tried Leon's door. It wasn't even locked and opened easily, something that made his stomach turn to ice. He peeked around the door into the room and found Leon on his bed, curled up in a ball, squashed into a corner. Reno's eyes fell to the smear of blood on the mattress that trailed towards his friend. The brunette didn't even acknowledge him.

"Leon?" Reno asked. The brunette hugged his knees to his chest tighter but didn't respond. The pants he had been wearing were nearly torn in half and lying on the floor. The brunette had pulled his t-shirt over his legs and was attempting to hide himself in it like a cocoon. Reno closed the door behind himself gently and scooted into bed with him. He put a hand on the brunette's back and Leon flinched away and finally looked at him. He was surprised Leon wasn't falling to pieces. The brunette wasn't crying, he wasn't hysterical, he wasn't expressive at all. He looked shaken, but blank. Reno couldn't decide which sort of reaction he preferred.

"Well...I guess we're having sex. Isn't that what you wanted?" Leon asked meekly. The redhead furrowed his brows together sadly and frowned.

"Why would you say that to me? This wasn't something I wanted to have happen."

"Sorry. Bad joke."

"How can you joke about this?"

"Because if I wasn't joking, I'd be in p—" Leon attempted but his words got caught in his throat. He cleared it. "Pieces."

"We need to get out of here."

"Not without Cloud."

"Leon it's not worth—"

"Fuck off. Don't fucking tell me it isn't worth it," Leon said angrily.

"Do you really think you can live with him after all of this?"

"I'll get over it. It doesn't matter what happens to me so long as I can have a family to go home to. If I leave, I won't have that. I won't have anything. Cloud is my family. I can't…" the brunette hesitated as he felt his eyes water some. He was trying his hardest to keep the trauma out of his voice and bury it under his determination and control, but it was immensely difficult. Far more difficult than he had anticipated. He laid his face on his knees, looking away from Reno to save some of his crippled dignity. "I can't wait another twenty years for someone else. I need Cloud."

Reno sighed and moved Leon's pillow out of the way so he could sit at the head of the bed and lean against the wall. He pulled the russet Carrier towards himself and forced him to rest his head against his chest. Leon stayed defiant and didn't react for several minutes, but eventually his dilapidated defenses crumbled and he timidly hugged Reno around his chest. The redhead pet his hair and laid his cheek against the top of his head, allowing the brunette to suck up as much comfort as he could.

"I'm going to take you upstairs with me and get you cleaned up," Reno said.

"You can't," Leon mumbled against his shoulder.

"Yeah well, I'm going to anyway."

"We'll get in serious trouble if we're caught."

"I know. I'm still taking you with me, though."

"How?"

"I'll figure something out and come back. Try to get yourself together as much as you can. Put your uniform back on and stuff. I'll be right back. I need to ask for some help," the redhead said, patting his back. Leon sat up shakily and Reno shuffled out of the bed.

"Be careful," the brunette said. The redhead nodded as he left, closing the door behind himself quietly.

Reno snuck back up to his living quarters as quietly as he could. He tiptoed through the halls and quickly darted past doors in an effort to be as nonintrusive as possible. The guards he passed on the way raised eyebrows in question but he ignored them and they stayed quiet. He also didn't see Cloud at any point. Which was fine by him; he wasn't sure he would be able to stop himself from beating the blonde's face in. He went into his apartment and closed the door. He turned around and abruptly yelled in surprise when he saw Rude standing in the living room with his arms crossed over his chest. Apparently Rude had done some investigating. Leon's computer was sitting on the coffee table and Reno could see Leon getting dressed like he was told.

"You mind telling me what the fuck is going on?"

"I thought you were with Rufus. It's your shift."

"I got Tseng to cover for me. I saw you run past the office like your pants were on fire and it worried me. Tell me what's going on."

"There's nothing new. It's more of the same, but things are progressing into bad territory. Leon and I need to get out of here. Leon, because he can't take much more, and me, because I'm going to help him do it."

"And what? You were just going to leave me here?"

"…I never got the impression you were all that excited to leave."

"I considered it."

"Y-you did? And?" Reno asked hopefully.

"I still have questions."

"I would be worried if you didn't. But if you need to talk to me, that's totally cool, but I really need to get Leon up here."

"I know. I heard you," Rude said, pointing to the computer. "What happened to him?"

"Cloud… got a little carried away. He um… he raped Leon."

"…Oh. Wow, that's not what I was expecting."

"So you understand. I want to get him up here so he can get cleaned up and hide out for a bit."

"You're asking a lot, Reno."

"I know I am. If you want to go hang around somewhere else so you don't get in trouble, I'll understand."

"No, I'm going to help you."

"Really?" Reno asked, a bit of relief washing over him. Rude nodded. Reno beamed. "You're the best friend ever. I'll have to buy you a drink or something."

"Just answer my questions eventually and I'll be satisfied."

* * *

The half-baked plan was basically that of diversion. Reno and Rude snuck back downstairs to the prison proper and convinced the guards that Mr. Shinra had given them a break. It wasn't very hard to do; the guards seemed rather bored anyway. Rude stood watch at the end of the hall while Reno went and retrieved Leon. They all snuck back upstairs, Reno and Rude taking turns scouting ahead and waiting for people to clear out so they wouldn't be seen. The amount of staff wandering around was sparse as it was getting late in the day and most of them were returning to the city and their homes. Once back at the apartment, they all let out a collective sigh of relief.

Leon was quiet the entire time. Reno ushered him into the bathroom and shoved an armful of fluffy towels in his face. He then helped the brunette remove his bandages as gently as possible. The cut had started bleeding again with Cloud's abuse but it was a slight trickle and nothing much to worry about. The scabbing had solidified more and seemed a bit more stable. All positive signs, but nothing that would make it all go away anytime soon. The scar would last the rest of Leon's life. The russet Carrier refused to look at himself in the mirror and nudged Reno away when they were finished with his bandages.

"You don't want any help?" Reno asked.

"With showering? No thanks. I don't need a mother to wash my ass for me," Leon grumped. The redhead scowled but left anyway. He did agree it seemed sort of stupid to try and baby his friend, but he couldn't help himself. He still felt that everything was his fault. He waited until Leon was in the shower before he went back in the bathroom and stole the brunette's clothing so he could wash it. He dumped it all in the laundry with what seemed like twenty tons of soap and went to flop onto the couch.

"How is he?" Rude asked, sitting across from the redhead.

"I can't tell. Logic tells me he's bottling it up and being unhealthy about it, but my Leon-sense is telling me he's just being a hardass. Either way, none of it is good," Reno sighed, slouching in his seat and rubbing his face. "This is all my fault."

"You can't blame yourself for this. There was no way this was your intention."

"It wasn't, but if I hadn't butted in, they may have met on better terms."

"Or Leon could've become a prisoner and died here without making any progress," Rude said. Reno didn't have a response and stayed silent. His Charge stood from his seat and came to sit next to him. He patted the redhead's shoulder.

"So what did you have questions about?" Reno mumbled. Rude shrugged.

"I wanted to know what would happen to my parents if I left? Would they even know?"

"I'm told that the people the Charges knew during their life would forget them."

"Charges?"

"Right. Sorry. You're my Charge. Or, supposed to be. In my perfect world anyway."

"So what does that make you?"

"I'm a Carrier. I'm not prepared to get into much more detail than that. You wouldn't understand any of it until you came to my world with me."

"Okay so… I'd be forgotten."

"Yes. They wouldn't know who you were, and all evidence you ever lived would be gone. They wouldn't grieve over you because you never existed to them. It'd be a clean slate."

"Okay. That sounds better than what I thought would happen."

"Which was?"

"That they would eventually think I was killed or something."

"Yeah. Forgetting is better," Reno said.

"It's not like I've talked to them in the last two years."

"Well, who knows what they're thinking? I wouldn't worry about it if you plan on coming with me. It'd ultimately be irrelevant."

"Yeah…" Rude trailed thoughtfully. "And you said that you'd be taking me away from the war? Does that mean your world isn't at war?"

"That's right. There was a really big one a long time ago that blasted everything to smithereens so now everyone is focused on trying to work together to fix it. There hasn't been a war since then. In a sense, it's a good thing. The fighting stopped, but it took the sacrifice of just about everything else to make it happen. Leon and I are part of the effort to make everything better."

"And if I went with you, I would be a part of it too?"

"Yes."

"No war?"

"No war."

"And you're not lying to me?"

"Never."

"Do I get to punch you if you are?"

"I'll hand you a gun so you can shoot me."

There was a long pause between them.

"Okay," Rude said. Reno blinked a few times and stared at him wordlessly.

"W… Was that an 'okay' like…"

"Like I'm going with you? Yes."

"Don't joke about this."

"I'm not."

"Really?"

"Yes!" Rude insisted, furrowing his brows together, his patience starting to dry up. Reno stared at him, his mouth hanging open a bit in quiet disbelief. He was in such shock that he couldn't feel his fingertips. His throat was dry and his heart felt like it was going to explode. He stayed frozen in place for several minutes, unable to think of anything to say. The pent up energy eventually became too much and he abruptly threw himself on his Charge, hugging him around his neck. Rude let out a startled yell and didn't make an effort to hug him back, but didn't push him away.

"You've made me the happiest _tatanka_ ever!" he squealed.

"Ta—what?" Rude asked confusedly.

"Never mind! AH! You've made me so happy, I could strangle you," the redhead spewed, yanking his Charge around and rolling on the couch as much as he was able.

"Please stop," Rude said flatly as he was twisted around as Reno tried to force him to roll around with him. The redhead released him and flailed around in his spot, nearly kicking his Charge in the face. He flopped off the side of the couch and bolted into the bathroom, letting out a loud excited laugh. Leon, in response, screamed in surprise. There was a loud '_slap_' that followed and Reno quieted immediately.

"_Don't fucking do that to me_!" the brunette roared. The volume reverberated off the walls, making the mirror above the sink shake. Reno's ears started to ring and he flinched away.

"Holy shit! You don't have to bust my eardrums!" the redhead cried, covering his ears. The shower curtain had been flung open and a very pink and very pissed off Leon glared daggers into Reno's face, which had a large red spot forming on the cheek. The brunette shut the curtain again angrily, returning to his steam filled bubble.

"Get out," he said, his voice calmed considerably. Reno stuck a finger in his ear and shook it around, trying to get the ringing to stop.

"Sorry, I forgot. Rude agreed to come with me and I got a little too excited."

"Yeah, I noticed," Leon grumbled. Reno noticed how his hair was sticking to his forehead and he scowled, fanning his face a bit.

"How hot do you have the water on? Damn. It's like a sauna in here."

"Get out," Leon repeated. Reno used a finger to move the shower curtain just enough to see inside. The brunette was crouched down with his arms around his legs, staring blankly at the floor while the water scalded his back. The redhead frowned but didn't protest anymore and headed for the door.

"If you're not out in twenty minutes, I'm coming back. Don't pass out," he said and closed the door behind himself. He sighed a bit and went to go sit with Rude again. "Sorry for freaking out. I had myself convinced you weren't coming with me. I'm glad I was wrong."

"It was an impressive display for someone who's supposedly in their forties," Rude said. Reno laughed.

"Maturity? What's that?"

"It's overrated is what it is. Everyone gets stupid when they're overly happy. It's fine."

"You are such an anomaly in this world, you know that? You're way too understanding. I think it's awesome."

"My parents raised me right."

"Lucky me," Reno said with a wide smile.

"When do we leave?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. I was hoping to stick around until Leon figures out what he's doing, but once that's all settled and we leave here, I couldn't say when we could actually go back to my world. The door between yours and mine only opens every six years so once we leave Midgar, we may have to wait elsewhere for a little while. But it's okay. We have a place."

"I see. You don't have a limit as to how long you can stay here?"

"Not specifically. But we do need to get back so we can start rebuilding so it's best not to have too much idle time."

"Okay. One more question? It's something that's been bugging me for a while."

"Sure."

"You said before that you'd 'figure out what to do with yourself later' when you first told me about everything. What did you mean by that?" Rude asked. Reno looked down at his hands and picked at his fingers a bit.

"I honestly don't know if I want to tell you about that. I also said that I don't want to make you do something that you don't want to do. If I tell you what I meant, you might feel obligated, and that's pretty much the same thing as forcing you into it. But at the same time, the details were never really a concern for me in the past so you shouldn't worry about it. It's okay," the redhead lied. It wasn't okay. Part of him wanted to tell his Charge about the legalities surrounding Carriers and their relationships and guilt Rude into giving him what he wanted; but he knew it wasn't right. Rude didn't press him for it and a comfortable silence passed between them for several minutes.

"Are you going to have Leon go back to his cell? He probably should. Someone's bound to notice he's missing."

"I was hoping to have him sleep here for the night. He can have my bed; I'll take the couch."

"Still doesn't change the 'noticing' situation."

"I know. That's why I'm hesitant. I'll figure it out," Reno said, reaching forward and taking up Leon's computer from the coffee table. The camera was still focused in on the empty room and he poked at the machine idly, trying to occupy himself.

Leon's twenty minutes passed and the redhead barged into the bathroom again like he said he would. The brunette was out of the shower though, and standing at the sink with a towel around his waist, looking at himself in the mirror. He looked awful. Thin, pale, unhealthy, miserable. The miserable part wasn't anything new, but coupled with the rest of it made for a very pathetic and beaten package. Reno tried not to pay attention to his friend's ribs that were starting to show and went to him. He shooed the brunette away from the cabinet and stooped to dig under the sink. He produced a toothbrush that was still in the packaging and handed it to him. Leon got the idea and started brushing his teeth.

"I smell like I just rolled out of a giant flower," he grumbled when he was finished. He scratched his arm. His entire body was itchy from the fragrances in the soap.

"Believe it or not, it's the least offensive soap we could find at the store. But I have stuff for the itch," Reno said, taking Leon's wrist and leading him towards his bedroom. He closed the door and went to retrieve a bottle of unscented lotion and handed it off. Leon uncapped it and deposited a blob in his hand.

"So how did you get Rude to accept?" he asked, smoothing the cream over his arms.

"The war was a big deal for him, which I didn't realize. Getting away from it seemed to be a decent motivator. I didn't think he was all that bothered by it since he's not an active part of it, but he is; enough that he's willing to leave everything behind to get away from it, apparently."

"I can't tell if Cloud is bothered by anymore it or not. I'd like to think he's unhappy here and would like something different, but he's high half the time so I can't really gauge what he truly thinks," Leon said, handing the bottle to Reno and turning his back to him, giving the clear indication that the redhead was to assist him. Reno took the hint and squirted a glob directly on the brunette's skin, making Leon twitch and look over his shoulder at him with a glare. The redhead grinned and started to work the lotion in.

"I make Rude do this for me all the time. There's something to be said about the strength of companionship when you can get your non-gay friend to squirt lotion on your gay self and not have him be bothered when you get a bit of a boner while he's rubbing your back. Or maybe he just doesn't notice."

"That's awkward, Reno," Leon sighed. Reno chuckled.

"But I wouldn't be me if I didn't make you feel weird every now and again."

"It's how I know you're happy."

"The smiles aren't enough of a clue?"

"Anyone can fake a smile."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I'm a terrible liar."

"…You're so depressing."

"Sorry. I had a bad day," Leon huffed. Reno frowned and slid his hands around to the brunette's front and hugged him tightly from behind.

"I know. But I can help. Your uniform is in the wash, and we have some decent food you can eat. If you want to stay the night, you can have my bed. But we'd have to get up really early and get you back to your cell so we don't get our asses handed to us."

"…Thank you."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: **FFnet is being buggy again and won't let me send PMs or answer reviews for whatever reason.

It's also making me run laps to add chapters again. Ah well.

So I will give a grand ol' THANK YOU to everyone here for their reviews until I can get back to responding individually.

SO THANK YOU!

* * *

Chapter 37

Leon sort of expected the facility to explode in a fiery mass of doom and brimstone when Reno escorted him back to his cell. He was feeling very targeted. Like his world couldn't get much worse and it would be just his luck to die in an explosion. He was also completely aware of how immature he was being, but he couldn't help himself. He really wanted to crawl under his bed and hide for a few days until he could glue his dignity back together. He would need some tweezers and a magnifying glass for the pieces.

He was relieved when he got back to his cell without conflict. He felt substantially better after a proper meal, clean clothes, and bathing. He flipped his mattress over and sat on it, wincing as his ass reminded him how he needed to be gentle for a few days. He sighed, trying his hardest to push the memory away but he failed miserably. Every vivid detail came rushing back and surged into a threat for a headache. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, attempting to clear it all away. He eventually gave up and figured he should force himself to lie down and possibly sleep. It was obnoxiously early in the morning and the sleep he got in Reno's company was a cat nap at best.

He was beginning to think he wouldn't be able to just disregard what happened like he initially thought he could. He was starting to doubt his willpower, which worried him. He didn't like thinking that Cloud could break him. He was determined to not let it happen, but what his mind could handle and what his expectations for himself wanted were two completely different wavelengths. He had lost his control over just about everything and it tore him apart. He knew he needed to leave soon; before he lost everything he was barely hanging on to.

* * *

Cloud was pretty sure that there was a bus out there made for the express purpose of running him over. At least, when he woke up the next morning, that's what he felt like. He flopped out of his bed and went to the dresser where he had unpacked most of his things. He dug around in the drawers until he found his little square case where his spare Mako was kept. When he opened it, it was empty. He had forgotten to get a refill. He let out a grumbling sigh and plunked his forehead against the top of the dresser a few times, berating his ineptitude. He felt bad, but he wasn't withdrawal stricken just yet. He felt he had enough time to shower and head down to the infirmary to get some Mako.

"What do you mean 'no'?" the blonde asked angrily when he eventually made it down to the clinic. The nurse was firm on her claim and crossed her arms over her chest indignantly.

"Mr. Shinra's orders. I can't give you a refill. I'll give you some to keep the withdrawal at bay, but you're on observation still. We can't have you dying from your own stupidity before you fill your use. You have to report here every morning for your ration so we can keep an eye on you," she said grumpily. Cloud balked at her but didn't have the energy to argue with her. He just wanted his Mako so he could feel normal and go about his day.

He took his ration and was sent on his way. He headed back downstairs to Leon's cell and barged in like he had done several times before. The Carrier was in his bed, seemingly asleep, but Cloud wasn't convinced. He cleared his throat and waited for Leon to respond. He slammed the door shut and waited again. The brunette ignored him. What the blonde didn't realize was that Leon was trying to get his heart to stop racing. He hadn't anticipated the amount of anxiety he would feel when he had to face Cloud again, and was having a hard time coping.

"Hey," the blonde deadpanned, putting his foot on the bed and shaking it. Leon squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"What?" he asked as evenly as he could. He didn't want to turn around and know if Cloud was high or not.

"Get up," the blonde ordered.

"Why?"

"Because I said so, that's why. Do I need a reason otherwise?"

"It'd be nice. I'm rather comfortable," Leon lied.

"Well are you going to talk today?"

"Hadn't planned on it."

"Then get up," Cloud said, leaning over Leon so he could grab the front of his shirt. He yanked the Carrier around to face him. Coming face to face was not something the brunette's head could wrap around and he immediately shoved the blonde away harshly. Cloud didn't have the strength or reflexes to stop him, and staggered back and bumped into the wall.

"Don't touch me," Leon spat, sitting up and scooting himself back into a corner. He briefly glanced up to the ceiling corner and saw that Reno was watching. He didn't have any bandages over the healing gash on his face and Cloud's eyes were fixed on it with a confused scowl, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Whatever. You understand that they're probably not going to do anything to you once you talk, right? They want to keep you around as a bargaining chip," Cloud said, sliding the rest of the way down to sit on the floor. His eyes were glowing a bit, but his body language was completely different than before, giving Leon the impression that he wasn't as on edge as he had been in the past. The realization didn't help with his rationality though; he was still shaken.

"I know," the Carrier said.

"So why don't you?"

"Because I don't have anything to say."

"You're such a liar," the blonde sighed, running his hand through his hair tiredly.

"It doesn't matter what I say to you. You'll still keep me here. What motivation do I have to give you anything?"

"Well depending on what you give, they could grant you a few luxuries."

"Like I need those. I've gone months without," Leon said spitefully. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"Look, don't take your vendetta against this country out on me. I'm just here because you called me. It's really hard for me to believe that you did it for no reason. Just tell me whatever it is you need to so we can move on and not have to see each other again."

"I have nothing to say."

"Seriously, don't make me smack you around. I'm really not feeling it," the blonde said, rubbing his eyes. Hearing that helped calm Leon's nerves some. He wasn't ready to drop his guard any time soon, but at least he didn't feel like his ass or life was at stake anymore. He took a deep breath and thought about his options. He figured he could try again from the beginning.

"I'll talk."

"Good th—"

"About you."

"What?"

"I'll talk about you," Leon said. Cloud furrowed his brows.

"Uh, okay? What about me?"

"Are you happy?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question. You want me to talk, right?"

"Talk about something useful—"

"Just answer the question," Leon repeated. Cloud blinked and glared at the floor for a second.

"Yeah? I'm happy enough."

"Liar."

"The fuck? You ask me a question and I give you an answer just so you could tell me I'm wrong?"

"Not wrong. Just lying. Anyone that lives for the military like this isn't happy. Can you honestly think about all the things you've done and take enjoyment from it?"

"And what the fuck do you know about what I've done?" Cloud asked angrily.

"I know a lot about you; the things you've done, the people you've killed, the women you've raped."

"I didn't rape anyone. And so what if I've killed people? That's my purpose," the blonde said. Leon scowled. He had mixed feelings about Cloud's forgetfulness about the rape. Part of him wanted to see if his Charge felt bad about it, and the other part wanted to _make_ him feel bad about it.

"You're okay with it? You're okay with all of the people you've killed?"

"I'm not exactly throwing confetti around for it all but it doesn't bother me. I don't wake up in the morning with a plan to go out eliminating people, but if it happens, then it happens. Why does it matter?"

"You don't see how awful this country is? You're running through you life blindly in accordance to what these monsters want you to do. You're encouraged to kill, and that's not only a waste of other's lives, it's a waste of your own. There are bigger things out there other than what this place has for you, Cloud."

"How do you know my na—"

"If you're really alright with all the things you've done, then that's fine. But I want you to understand the extent of your sins and what you've cost yourself before you lie to yourself anymore," Leon said. He was angry. Furious, in fact, though he doubted Cloud could see it. He didn't need to relive his own trauma, but he wanted the blonde to hurt. He wanted to make him upset, to bring him down to the level he had been reduced to. He looked to the camera bug in his ceiling. "Reno, I'd like you to bring me my computer."

"Who are you talking to?" Cloud asked confusedly, looking up at the ceiling as well. He scowled at the bug, but didn't know what to make of it.

"Just be quiet and wait," Leon said.

Reno drove the bug out of the room and out into the hall, to show that he had heard everything. He didn't know what his friend was up to but if Leon had a plan, he wasn't going to get in his way. He doubted showing Cloud the videos of himself was going to make much of a difference. In fact, he was pretty sure it would only make him angry. But at the very least, Reno felt he could wait around outside the cell and make sure things didn't get violent. He didn't like how stone-faced Leon was. He arrived outside the cell shortly after Leon requested him and shoved the closed computer through the slot where Leon's meals came in. It just barely fit.

Cloud was startled, but watched the brunette cautiously. Leon opened the laptop and quickly brought up the archive of recordings of Cloud's life. He considered making Cloud watch all of his sins in succession but he had to remember that they didn't affect his Charge as much as they did him, so they were useless. No, Cloud needed to see the impact he had had on his own life, so Leon brought up Aerith's murder and turned the machine around so the blonde could see. He started the feed and handed the computer off to him. Cloud took it curiously and was more concerned about inspecting the computer itself until he realized he was watching himself.

"_Aerith… please. I need quiet._"

"_Well **sorry** for being upset._"

Sobbing. A loud smack. A scream. Cloud visibly flinched and his expression fell, his face paling.

"**_Be quiet!_**"

More sobbing. A disturbance. A yell. Another slap. Frightened scrambling. Commotion at the door. Bloodshed. Cloud didn't seem to be all that upset over whoever he had stabbed through the door, and ran his fingers through his hair, his face thoughtful more than it was upset. He was more concerned that he had hit Aerith. Seeing her again was painful, but his focus wasn't on mourning as it was on what he was doing to her. He didn't fully understand what was happening. He didn't realize he was that vengeful but it made a lot of the pieces click into place for him. He now understood how a lot of the bodies turned up after he had spent a day obliterated out of his skull.

Silence. The squeak of a door. Another blood curdling scream. A rage filled growl. Stomping against floorboards followed by the '_whoosh_' of a giant blade. Cloud gasped loudly and covered his mouth, his face as white as a sheet. Leon scooted off his bed and sat in front of him.

A cough. A wet plop. More stomping.

A loud commotion of soldiers rushing the house. Cloud's furious struggling. Fire. Children screaming. Leon took the computer off of the blonde's lap and muted it before closing it and sliding it back through the door. Reno took it quietly but stuck around outside. Cloud was frozen in his place, staring into space in disbelief. His mind was reeling through every conceivable scenario. It couldn't have been real, he refused to accept it, but he couldn't deny that things had changed drastically since he returned from Nibelheim. Barret had stopped visiting him, Jessi seemed standoffish, and Sephiroth had started to like him _way_ too much. That, and the blonde had never seen a movie in his life and had no idea video editing even existed. The idea that what he had seen may have been fake never crossed his mind. Leon couldn't even say for certain if Plane 087 had any sort of silver screen entertainment. All he had ever seen was the news on poor quality televisions.

The brunette sat in front of his Charge quietly, watching his reaction turn from shock to distress, to outright breaking apart. The blonde blurted out a hysterical cough and his eyes turned panicky. His breathing sped up and he held his face in his hands, half of one hand gripping his hair tightly. He couldn't stop the tears from rolling out of his eyes, and even then, there wasn't any sobbing. Just incoherent huffs of noise between breaths; it didn't take long for it to start, though. He slowly curled in on himself, folding himself in half and covering his ears with his hands as the frenzied wailing broke out of his throat. His hands were shaking and he started to rock himself in his place.

Leon didn't feel any better. If fact, he felt worse. All he managed to do was traumatize a victim. He felt ignorant for thinking it would help. Selfish. Even if Cloud deserved to pay for what he had done to him, Leon didn't feel he had handled it the best way. If anything, he should've waited until he could think things over rationally. He let his emotions get the better of him. Rape or no rape, he couldn't excuse himself for losing control. He didn't know what to do. Cloud was shattered, and he couldn't even begin to understand how to put the pieces back together.

"Squall?" Reno called from the other side of the door, purposefully using Leon's pseudonym just in case. He sat down in front of the slot and peeked inside. Leon looked at him.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Did you need me for anything? Should I stick around?" the redhead asked. Leon looked at Cloud and shook his head.

"No. He's done hurting people, I think. I hope."

"Okay. I'll be watching if you need me."

"Okay," Leon said. Reno left quietly. The brunette let Cloud have a few minutes, but the hysterics didn't ease any. His anxiety spiked and he hesitated for a moment, but was able to force himself to put a hand on the blonde's back. Cloud immediately shot upright again smacked his hand away harshly. He quickly skittered backwards and away from the Carrier and huddled himself in the furthest corner, staring at Leon like a beaten puppy.

"What d-do y-you want f-from me?" he stammered shakily, his voice hoarse. The puffy eyes, the wet face, the sniffling runny nose, and his defeated posture made him look childlike, stripping him down to a scared ten year old. The guilt was immense. Leon couldn't think of anything to say. Cloud pulled the bottom of his shirt up and wiped his face and nose with it. He laid his face on his knees afterward, staring ahead of himself, thinking. The huffing and puffing didn't end there and he spent the next fifteen minutes falling apart and trying to pull himself together again and again and again while Leon watched, his face void of emotion. Once it was quiet enough to speak over him again, the Carrier sighed and scooted closer to him, but not close enough for Cloud to reach him easily.

"Are you still okay with all the things you've done?" he asked flatly, trying to remain as neutral as possible even though his first instinct was to stuff Cloud in the safe and secure box he had wanted to keep him in since day one; even if it meant saving his Charge from himself. He doubted Cloud would forget this meeting or what he had done to Aeirth. He was too rational, too human, and not angry enough to be able to forget.

"What does it m-matter? Why do you care?" the blonde muttered.

"Because I need to know that _you_ care so I can help you change it. I can't help you if you're alright with the way things are."

"Help me?" Cloud parroted, his voice sounding more normal. He picked his face up and looked Leon in the eye with an angry glare. "She was already d-dead, and I already hated it. How is making me realize it's my fault helpful? Couldn't you have just let me have my ignorance and m-move on?"

"You wouldn't have understood had it been anyone else. If you really want to, I can show you the _other_ people you've killed."

"Fuck you. I haven't done anything to you, hell, I don't even f-fucking know you, and you call me over here like some sort of creep, for what? To 'help?' Help me do what? Help me want to k-kill myself? Help me never be happy again? Because you're _really_ good at your job if that's what you're here f-for. You win. We're done. I don't want to see you again."

"I can change it so you don't have to do this anymore. I can take you away from here. From Midgar, the military, and the mistreatment. I don't blame you for what you've done. I blame them. They took a good person and turned him into a monster. Just like they did his father."

"H-how do you _know_ all this shit?" Cloud asked, mouth agape. "If this is some weird new thing Balamb has come up with to rip us apart f-from the inside, you all are scarier than any of the bastards here."

"This has nothing to do with Balamb. It's just me."

"And I'm the lucky fuck that you picked to beat to death?"

"Yes."

"Fuck you. I don't care if they drag me out into the desert, I'm not coming back down here," Cloud spat and pushed himself up to stand. He made to walk around Leon and leave but the Carrier grabbed his wrist and kept him in place. Cloud pulled on his arm. "Let go."

"Just listen to me for a second," Leon said.

"I've already listened enough," the blonde defended and yanked his arm again. He wasn't in any condition to get away and the brunette pulled back much harder. Cloud ended up half falling over him, landing on the floor with a grunt. Leon fixed him with a serious gaze.

"I'm much stronger than you. Just sit the fuck down and listen," he said. Cloud pulled his hand back, and Leon let him have it. The Carrier scooted over to the door and sat against it, barring the exit. The blonde sat himself up against the opposite wall, angrily glaring daggers at the other. "I need your help."

"Fuck off. No way," the blonde immediately spat.

"We can help each other. You need something positive in your life, and I can give you that."

"Something positive. It sounds disgusting coming from you."

"Can you really sit there and tell me you'd rather stay here and murder more people when you have an opportunity to do something else that will make you smile? I really don't want to believe you're that awful of a person."

"I'm not a murderer," Cloud lied.

"Oh you're not? Systematic killing is different? Because you haven't done any of that, either. Killing in the battlefield is just as deplorable to me and you haven't even been out there properly. As far as I'm aware, all the people you've 'eliminated' were innocents and on your side."

"Shut up."

"Aerith wasn't innocent?"

"Shut up!"

"She deserved it?"

"Stop!" the blonde yelled, covering his ears and pulling his knees to his chest. His biggest desire in that moment was to forget. He begged the meager amount of Mako in his system to take charge and force him to think of nothing. He couldn't.

"What do you have left here that is worth hanging on to? That is worth the countless other lives you'll probably take if you stay where you are? Are you okay with having that blood on your hands?" Leon asked. Cloud hugged his legs and looked away.

"…Yes," he said hesitantly.

"Liar."

"Am not."

"Don't fucking kid yourself, Cloud. I know it's nearly impossible to see, but I'm not here to make your life a living hell. I don't want to hurt you despite all the damage you've done. I just want you to _wake up_. I want you to help me so I can help you. If you really don't believe my intentions then you can talk to a guy named Reno and his friend Rude. They're both in the same boat as us. They're upstairs down the hall from Rufus Shinra's living quarters."

"Why the hell should I believe them when I don't even believe you?" Cloud asked. Leon shrugged.

"I can't force you to do or believe anything. But everything that's happened between us so far is not my fault. I may have called you here, but I never made you kill anyone, hurt anyone, …rape anyone. All I did was make you face yourself. It's time to stop being delusional. You know full well that you'll continue on the path you've already made for yourself if you stay here. There's no one left to hate you but yourself. If you come with me, and help me, I can give you something worthwhile to live for."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. But you agree with me?"

"Fuck off. This is a trap. You're going to use me to get out here and then kill me when we're in the clear."

"You said it yourself that you already want to kill yourself. What's the difference if I do it or you do? At least if I do it, you won't die a coward."

Cloud hesitated, glaring at him for a moment. "…I'm not a coward."

"I know. But if you kill yourself, that's what people will see you as," Leon said, folding his hands on his stomach. "What's keeping you from believing me?"

"Other than the fact that you're a complete dick and I don't like you?"

"Yeah. Other than that."

"You're with the enemy. You can't be trusted."

"I'm not from any country that exists here. No one here has my allegiance. I'm actually just taking advantage of Balamb."

"Liar. That doesn't even make any sense," Cloud grumped. Leon shrugged.

"You're welcome to think I am. Call me whatever you like, just do yourself a favor and don't lie to yourself. I know as well as you do that you never wanted any of this."

"You don't know shit about me."

"I know a lot about you."

"What's my favorite color?" Cloud asked. Leon pursed his lips.

"…Pick something else," he said. The blonde rolled his eyes with an unimpressed sigh.

"When's my birthday?"

"August 19th," Leon said automatically. The blonde's eyes narrowed on him suspiciously.

"What's my mother's name?"

"Which one? Your biological mother? Because you don't even know that. I know Nana's name was Natalie, though."

"…Fucking stalker."

"Possibly."

"What color were my eyes before I joined the military?"

"Hazel."

"You're fucked in the head. That's nasty."

"If knowing random bits of trivia is enough you make you think I'm nasty, I can only imagine how you feel about yourself after all the shit you've pulled."

"Fuck off. Damn, give it a rest. You said you didn't blame me."

"I don't. I was talking about how you felt about you," Leon said. Cloud glared at the Carrier's placid face, crossing his arms over his chest. They stared at one another for several minutes. The blonde's patience ran out quickly.

"Are you going to let me leave? I don't have anything else to say to you."

"Alright," Leon said flatly and ambled up onto his bed so the door could open. Cloud kept skeptical eyes on him as he left, waiting for the Carrier to attack him or try to keep him there again. He was surprised when Leon didn't and allowed himself to be locked in the cell again.

* * *

Reno was by himself. Rude went out with Tseng and Elena for a few drinks and wouldn't be back until late. It took almost two hours to get from the facility to Deling City so the travel time was only half the wait. His job back home was to make sure he was available for Rufus if he needed anything. So far, he had just been helping his boss get himself ready for bed. Rufus' team of nurses were busy rushing about getting him cleaned up and dressed, so Reno was left to do the legwork and fetch things for them. All in all, it was a quiet evening; no different than the ones before it.

"Reno," Rufus called from his bed when things were just about finished. The redhead raised a brow and went to sit next to him. "I'm losing my patience with you," the man said.

"What did I do?"

"This prisoner is useless. You're lying to me."

"You're sure he is? Cloud hasn't come to report anything?" Reno asked as innocently as he could. His heart sped up with the sudden nervousness.

"No. He hasn't."

"Well ask him first. He's sort of stupid. He might have just blown it off."

"I intend to. I just wanted to make it clear that I'm at the end of my rope with this. If Cloud doesn't have something for me tomorrow, I only have one other option before I cut him loose."

"What option is that?"

"Bring in someone who can make use of the prisoner. If that fails, well, I hope for your sake it doesn't."

"…I understand."

"You're excused," Rufus said. Reno nodded and took his leave quietly, his heart thudding in his ears. He wished he understood what his boss had meant by 'make use of' but he was sure it was nothing good. He sighed heavily and racked his brain for answers or a plan. He didn't think of anything right away and headed towards his apartment. There was someone there already, leaning against the door. It was Cloud.

"What are you doing here?" the redhead asked angrily. Cloud glanced over his shoulder, his expression a mixture of tense bleakness and confusion.

"Squall said I should talk to you," he said. Reno raised a brow and stepped around him, digging in his pocket for his keys. He unlocked the door and let it swing open, gesturing for the blonde to go in. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, but he figured he was supposed to help convince Cloud to act in Leon's favor.

"What did you need to know?" Reno asked. Cloud helped himself to the couch and sat with his elbows on his knees and his fingers laced together in front of his chin. He stared thoughtfully at the coffee table. The redhead was surprised and thankful the blonde was so calm.

"He said he can help me. I wasn't aware I needed help until I met him but… I guess I do. He said that if I don't believe him, I should talk to you and your friend because you're in the same situation as we are."

"We have the same goals, yes. The situation we have versus you two's is _way_ different, but that's beside the point."

"I don't understand what he wants me to do."

"What did he say?"

"He wants me to help him. With what?"

"I'm not sure I should be the one to tell you that, but I can guarantee you it's nothing bad. In fact, it's very very good. Rude agreed to help me, and I'm a million times thankful for it. We just haven't gotten a chance to get away and get started. What is the problem you're having with him?" Reno asked, taking a seat on the couch across from him.

"I hate him. He's done nothing but beat me over the head with what I've done but then has the nerve to ask for my help. I don't like him, I don't trust him, I hate him for what's shown me, I hate him for stalking me… and I hate myself for knowing he's right. I just… I don't know. I'm so fried," Cloud sighed, rubbing the heels of his hands in his eyes.

"I'm not going to lie to you. He and I are friends. We have the same intentions, the same goals, and we come from the same place. I probably know him better than he knows himself and I can say with the utmost certainty that he would _never_ do anything to hurt you."

"He's already hurt me."

"No, you hurt yourself. He's just overly honest."

"It still hurts."

"And that's the way life works. I'm sorry you're upset, but you can't blame him for wanting to show you everything you missed. He's abrasive and an ass, but he's not malicious. He wants to help you get away from here and to do that, you have to be willing to help him as well."

"I still don't believe either of you."

"Well, it's not surprising. It's a weird place to be in, but if you think he's right, why not just give him the benefit of the doubt?"

"Because he's tricking me."

"Then why would he send you to me?"

"Because you're a co-conspirator."

"Then why are you here?" Reno asked. Cloud didn't have an answer for him and averted his eyes to the floor. "You know he's right. You need help. He's offering it to you, so why not take it? You don't have to like him to use him. The worst that happens is he helps you, and then you drop him and go on your merry way. He's not going to force you, and he's not going to hurt you. I can guarantee it."

"Some friend you are. Encouraging me to use your friend and drop him like a used up whore. That's low."

Reno shrugged. "I can pick up the pieces afterwards. I just need him to get out of here, and he needs you to do that. If you still don't think he has anything for you once you get far enough away from Midgar, then you're free to do what you please. But at least you'll be out of here and won't have to bend to the military's will, yeah? That's a positive. You can start over."

"I need to think about it," Cloud said. Reno smiled a bit on the inside. Leon was under the blonde's skin, and all he needed was a nudge in the right direction. He was fairly confident that if Cloud helped Leon escape and they were alone together for a day or two, the blonde would understand that his friend wasn't out to kill him and that his intentions were genuine. Whether or not that would breed a healthy or positive relationship in the end was still up in the air, but at the very least Cloud would follow. Reno just hoped neither of them fucked it up with their big mouths.

''Think all you want. Though I should probably tell you that Mr. Shinra is pretty much done with this whole arrangement we have going. If you don't get anything from Leon by tomorrow, which you won't, he's going to bring someone else in to do your job."

"Good, I don't want to do this anymore."

"But I don't know who this someone else is. If Leon gets hurt by them or something, it may ruin your chances of getting away."

"If it happens, it happens. I'm not going to try for it, but I'm not going to cry if I just have to go back to normal," Cloud said gruffly, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest. Reno frowned.

"Whatever floats your boat, kid."

"Anyway. Where is this Rude guy I'm supposed to know?"

"He's out. You're welcome to come back when he's here. Probably tomorrow. You'd have more in common with him than you have with me."

"I will," Cloud agreed and stood. Reno didn't make an effort to walk him out and the blonde didn't make an effort to say goodbye. He simply left. The redhead let out a sigh and slouched in his seat. He waited until he was sure the blonde had headed away before going to Leon's computer and making a camera bug follow after him.

Cloud trudged down to his room slowly, watching the floor. His face was a mixture of grief and indecision. He was trying his hardest to focus on the situation with Leon but his crushing guilt was bubbling up now that he was by himself. Once back to his room, he closed the door gently and leaned against it, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. He stuck his hand in his pocket and retrieved Aerith's picture. Tears were quick to spring to his eyes. He kept a straight face as they dripped down his cheeks. Reno couldn't figure out what Cloud was thinking, He knew what Leon had told the blonde and he had expected more hysterics. There was nothing but a quiet loathing.

The blonde didn't want Leon's help. He didn't want it since the beginning, but he wanted it even less now that he knew what he had caused. He felt he didn't deserve it. It was much easier to give in and go back to floating through life blissfully unaware of what day it was or what he was responsible for. The only problem was he knew things were different. He wouldn't be able to go through the motions like he had done before. He wouldn't forget. He couldn't forget. It was impossible. The images were seared into his mind and were never going to go away.

If he was to go back to the way things were before, where he was out of control, he didn't know what he'd do to himself. His rational thinking would fly out the window and all that would be left behind was his dead spirit and his regret. He doubted he would have the mind to stop from killing himself. He agreed with Leon that suicide was a coward's way to die, if only in reference to himself. Despite how he felt at that moment, he didn't want to be a coward. If he was to die, then he would accept it, but he couldn't see his rational self going out of his way to get it done. He sighed, wiping his face.

He flicked Aerith's picture to the side and let it flutter to the floor. He stared up at his ceiling, searching for answers that weren't there. He felt like he was walking through a void of white noise, lost, and without a guide. He had nothing. No home. No family. Nothing to look forward to. He didn't have the desire to make anything of himself and just wanted to crawl into a cave and never come out. He considered letting Leon do it all for him, since he was apparently so eager to start something. Whatever that something was had to have been better than what he had now, even if he was led to his death.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: **After I posted Ch. 37, I totally told my friend '38 will be written so fast. I know exactly what I want to get down.'

And then I had no time. Oops.

Sorry for the delay.

* * *

Chapter 38

Reno spent the majority of his evening watching Cloud wander around his room looking like a depressed slug. His movements were lethargic, his face was wet and dripping most of the time, and he just wasn't interesting anymore. The redhead felt bad that his friend's Charge was upset, but that was pretty much the end of his sympathy. Cloud could fall in a ditch and die for all Reno cared, but only if Leon didn't get upset about it. The brunette was already depressing enough, he could only imagine what his friend would be like if he actually _had_ a reason to be sad. The world would crumble, to be sure.

The redhead stayed up long enough to see Rude when he came home. It was crossing into the wee hours of the morning, and he was half asleep, but as soon as his Charge fumbled his way into the living room, he was wide awake again. Reno could see from across the living room that Rude was drunk. He couldn't walk straight, but was otherwise the same.

"Need help?" the Carrier asked with a tiny smile.

"Naaaaw," Rude drawled with a slur. He sidestepped in an effort to keep his balance but ended up whacking his knee on an end table. He grunted loudly and bent to hang onto the table for stability. Reno had to stifle a laugh.

"That sounded like it hurt."

"Yep," Rude said. The redhead went to him and welcomed himself to slipping an arm around his waist and helping to guide him towards the bedroom. Rude didn't smell like he was as sloshed as he was acting, but Reno had only seen his Charge inebriated a couple times before so he didn't really know if this was standard or not. Regardless, he was intent on helping, and let Rude droop most of his weight against his shoulders.

"Either I'm a wimp or you're fat because man you're heavy," Reno laughed, trudging them both along. He dropped Rude on his bed on his stomach and sat next to him. "Did you need anything?"

"Hnnf," Rude grunted into his comforter. He draped an arm over Reno's lap and gave his waist a half-assed hug. "Thanks."

"No problem. I think you should drink some water though, I'll go get you some," the redhead said and attempted to get up. Rude didn't let go of him though and kept him in place. He scooted closer and hugged his face into Reno's side. The Carrier, though thrilled with the affection, was skeptical of its worth. He tried to move away but Rude was persistent and held him.

"No," the Charge said.

"What are you doing?" Reno asked confusedly.

"Dunno."

"Well, let me up so I can get you some water."

"No."

"But you really sh—"

"Just stay for a minute," Rude said, significantly less slurred than before. Reno furrowed his brows. His Charge let go of him and crawled up to the head of his bed and lay on his side, his back to the redhead. The Carrier was thoroughly befuddled. He sat at the end of the bed and watched Rude with his hands folded in his lap

"What's wrong?" he asked. Rude stayed quiet, contemplating, for what seemed like forever. He eventually let out a long sigh and rubbed his eyes. Reno reached over and poked him in the leg. "Don't ignore me."

"I'm not. I'm trying to think of what to say."

"Well you can start by telling me why you're suddenly sober."

"'M not. Not completely."

"But you're alert."

"Yeah."

"Okay. I've run out of stuff to talk about. It's your turn," Reno said. Rude sighed again.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said, rolling over onto his other side. He pulled a pillow around to lay his face on while looking down the length of the bed at the Carrier.

"What can I do to help?"

"I don't know."

"Well… did you want to sleep on it? Maybe you'll know by morning."

"Maybe."

"I'll see you in the morning, then," Reno said, standing from the bed. He headed for the door.

"I called my parents," Rude blurted, sitting up.

Reno froze, his heart turning to ice. He looked over his shoulder at his Charge. "We're not supposed to do that. Did anyone see you?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"What did they say?"

"Mom cried. Dad was… dad. He didn't say much but he sounded happy that I was okay. They asked when I was coming home."

"And?"

"I told them I didn't know."

"…Are you telling me you don't want to come with me now?"

Rude ignored the question and kept talking. "They told me Chelsea got married. They told me they thought I was dead. Everyone was moving on without me. I'm not sure if I should be relieved or hurt. I didn't get any indication that anyone tried to follow me once they knew I was leaving," he said. He folded his legs under himself. "I'm supposed to be an adult and move out of the nest, and that's all well and good, but when your family writes you off as a victim of an unfortunate circumstance so easily, it still sort of feels like you've been abandoned. Like I was put up for adoption and the government decided to scoop me up like some helpless waif and put me to work."

"That's not how it went though."

"I know. I was taken. But they didn't even try to fight to keep me, which is almost just as bad."

"Rude…"

"Sorry. I feel a little immature for feeling like this. And talking about it," the Charge said with a short laugh. "I'm still following you. I don't plan on going back."

"Thank you," Reno said with a sigh of relief.

"I understand that I'll have stuff to do over there and that it's all good but… am I able to have a life there? Like, am I allowed to have a family?"

"You can have whatever you want," Reno said with a forced smile. _Even if it's without me._

"Oh," Rude said, looking down at his hands. "There aren't any restrictions?"

"So long as you do the work that's assigned to you and you follow the law, there isn't anything you can't have."

"But what about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What will you do?"

"My work," Reno deadpanned.

"…You don't want a family?"

"My work is my family. It's hard to explain without showing you, but the whole purpose is to have as many siblings as I can."

"Siblings are fine but what about the rest of the family? Like kids and whatever?"

Reno hesitated. Arguably, he would eventually be able to have children, with or without Rude. They just wouldn't be human. But he knew his Charge wouldn't understand that, and knew he was talking about the human kind, and having a partner, and living normally, but it was hard to tell his story without making Rude feel guilty for not having a relationship with him. "I have a different set of rules I have to live by. My work is my family. That's… really all I can have."

"So wait… you can or can't get married and have kids and a life?"

"…You're making this really difficult. I ca—" Reno trailed and stopped himself. He heaved a heavy sigh. "Where I come from, I'm not seen as a person. I am a thing. An object. Like a house plant. People take care of the plants, but they can't go out and have lives of their own. All they do if make more of themselves, and so long as they have everything they need, they'll keep doing it for as long as they're able to. You can't marry a house plant, Rude. Kids are a little more technical but I can't have anything outside of my family, because we just don't mesh. Like a plant, I can only have what relates to me. It's sort of a short list."

Rude furrowed his brows a bit in thought. "But… I remember Leon saying Cloud was his family. Is that just a Leon thing or would I be considered part of your family too?"

"You can if you want to be. Leon isn't really giving Cloud that choice, I don't think," Reno said with a tiny smirk.

"But if it's not me, then what are your choices? Do they expect you to have a relationship with your sisters?" Rude asked, scowling a bit. Reno quickly shook his head with a disgruntled face.

"Ew, no way. I'll pass up fucking my sister, thanks. And my brothers for that matter. Cousins too."

"So if you can't have anyone outside your family, and you're (thankfully) not into incest… then I would be your only option. Right?"

"You make it sound like I'd be settling for you," Reno clipped. "I was trying my hardest to not tell you all of this, you know. It's really not a big deal. I'll figure out what to do with myself eventually."

"So that's what you meant by that."

"…Yeah. Don't worry about it though. Seriously. I have cousins and stuff already so it's not like I'm completely alone and isolated."

"It's not the same."

"I'll be fine," the redhead lied.

"It's still not the same," Rude insisted, scooting off the bed.

"I don't see what difference it makes," Reno said; another lie. His pulse sped up as his Charge came towards him. Rude approached him and was quick to pull him into a tight hug.

"You deserve better," he muttered. The redhead nudged him back enough to see his face. He frowned.

"What do you mean? I'm the one who picked you, dumbass."

"Well it's true," Rude said, backing away. "You don't deserve to be by yourself, Reno. You care way too much about everyone else, sometimes at your own expense. Someone like that deserves everything the world can give them. You're my _best_ friend and I care about you a lot but…" he trailed with a defeated sigh.

"If you have to force yourself, I don't want it. I've said it a dozen times already, I don't want to force you into do something you don't want to do."

"I don't want to be the cause of your unhappiness."

"Who said I'm unhappy?"

"Even if you're happy now, in the long run—"

"Stop it," Reno said, holding up a hand to stop any further argument. "Don't worry about me. You're already doing more than enough. Just get some sleep and we can talk again in the morning if you want to."

"But—"

"Stop. Just… drop it, okay?"

"But—"

"Good night Rude," Reno said, backing out of the room and pulling the door closed behind him. He didn't know what Rude was getting at with being so persistent, but all he could focus on was how empty his chest felt. The reaffirmation of Rude's rejection wasn't what he had expected that evening, and he was wholly unprepared for it. He sighed heavily and headed for his bedroom.

* * *

Sleep did little for Cloud's mood. He felt like he had five hundred pounds of weight hanging off his limbs and sitting on his shoulders. He got himself ready for the day, but wondered what the point was the entire time. He lay on his bed after he got dressed and tried to think of something that was worth paying attention to. After twenty minutes, he couldn't think of anything. He ended up crawling back under the covers and sleeping for another two hours. When he woke up _again_, he still didn't care enough to get out of bed. He stayed there until well after lunchtime but got up when there was a knock on his door. Reno and Rude were on the other side, looking expectant. But of course Cloud only recognized Reno.

"Time to get up and join society, kid. Are you going to go downstairs and do your job?"

"Hadn't planned on it."

"Oh? Who gave you that decision?"

"You did when you said Rufus was going to replace me. Why should I give a damn?"

"You're not worried you might get some sort of punishment?"

"I don't care," Cloud said gruffly, leaning against his door for support. He hadn't had his Mako for the day yet, and he was hurting.

"Well that's stupid. You should," Reno said.

"Yeah, well, I don't. So goodbye," the blonde said, closing the door in the other's face. The redhead let out a frustrated huff and stomped away with Rude following after him closely. Cloud went back to his bed with a sigh. In truth, he was a bit bothered by being replaced, but the pros of not having to interrogate Leon again outweighed the cons of being punished by a wide margin. He pushed the meager worries aside in favor of trying to think of what he was going to do. Leon's offer of a better life lingered in the background of his thoughts, but his doubts kept him in his bed, away from discussing it further with anyone.

He stayed isolated from everything for as long as he could. It was just around dinner time when he started to feel like his withdrawal was creeping in, so he forced himself to go to the infirmary for his ration of Mako. He got himself something to eat afterward and tromped back up to his room. No one bothered him after Reno's visit. He didn't talk to anyone else, and Rufus didn't try to confront him. It was as comforting as it was unsettling. When it was well into the evening, he was able to sleep again, though it was fitful and unsatisfying.

The next day was more of the same. He stayed by himself, brooding and being depressed, only taking the time to go down and eat something and get his Mako ration. He wasn't sure what his fate was, and his mindset wasn't leaving him with much optimism. He figured he would just roll with the punches and take whatever was coming to him. There wasn't much else he could do if no one was making an effort to contact him. He didn't have any new orders, he didn't have any direction, and by the third day of solitude, he was wondering if he had been left behind.

But he hadn't. Four days after his talk with Leon, Cloud decided he needed to finally find some answers. He took his Mako and ate some breakfast before he wandered around the facility trying to find someone worth talking to. He was surprised to see a few extra faces around that he hadn't noticed before. It seemed a little bit more crowded than normal, even if the population was pretty sparse to begin with. But he pushed it aside, figuring he just hadn't noticed before. But a very big detail stuck out when he found himself in the lobby. He squinted and tried to see if he was seeing things, his mind running through just about every explanation as to why that person would be there.

It was Sephiroth. He was having a jovial conversation with Rufus Shinra, the two of them laughing and carrying on together like a couple of old pals. Rufus' guards, including Reno and Rude, milled around behind him warily watching the silver haired general for any sort of misconduct. Cloud was uneasy, but approached the group anyway for the sake of understanding. Reno noticed the blonde coming and broke apart from everyone else to stop him halfway. He wasn't happy and roughly grabbed fistfuls of Cloud's shirt and pulled their faces close with an angry sneer peeking through his lips.

"If anything happens to Squall while this disgusting fuck is here, I swear on _everything_ I have that I will personally see to it your intestines are pulled out through your nose. Do I make myself clear?" he growled in a low tone so only Cloud could hear. The blonde raised a brow, thoroughly confused.

"What?"

"Sephiroth is your replacement, jackass. What, did you think they'd chance failure again with another piece of shit soldier like you? If Sephiroth gets in there and Squall spills something too easily, it's your ass on the line too, you know. It shows you weren't trying hard enough. I hope you enjoy a six foot hole. That's what your life is worth to Mr. Shinra right now. You either take Squall out of here and leave, or you're both dead. Do you understand?"

"Not really, no. They're going to kill me just because that prick won't say anything?"

"If Sephiroth can get something out of him, then you need to worry about it, yeah. You were a big waste of money. You've cost more than what Rufus thinks you're worth. Deal with it. Keep Squall safe so he doesn't break apart and spill something for your own sake."

"You said I wouldn't get anything out of him though."

"He doesn't have much if he has anything, but that doesn't mean he won't make something up to make the pain stop."

"What pain? Aside from that thing on his face, he seemed fine. You make it sound like he's a little kid," Cloud said confusedly. Reno scowled and huffed a little.

"Listen, just do yourself a favor and keep him safe."

"You assume I give a shit about him."

"You should. He's your ticket out of this sludge pit you call a home."

"Fuck you," Cloud spat with furrowed brows. He walked past the fuming Reno, purposefully bumping against him. The redhead glared at his back as it headed away and towards Sephiroth and Rufus.

"There you are," Mr. Shinra said, prompting the General to look behind himself. His eyes were alight with mischievous fire and his face split into a grin.

"I hear you're having problems. Virgin jitters? It's okay. I'm here to help," he said coolly. Cloud scowled.

"What?" he asked, sounding put off. Sephiroth stepped to him and snaked an arm around his shoulders and leaned against him.

"You're new to this, yeah? I'd understand a bit of performance anxiety. I'll show you the ropes. No worries. I've got your back, good buddy. We'll make this faggot squeal like a little girl by day's end."

"Uh… okay?" the blonde said with uncertainty. Sephiroth started walking, pulling Cloud along with him, towards the elevator. _Did he always act like this_? He asked himself.

"Don't sound so nervous. Everyone gets a bit shy in the beginning," the General assured, ushering them into the elevator and pressing the button to close the door before anyone else could join them. The atmosphere between them was awkward for Cloud. He couldn't remember if Sephiroth had been that weird previously or if he had just been too blasted to understand differently. However he felt didn't seem to matter to the other, because he chuckled a bit. "So how far did you get?"

"What do you mean?"

"How far did you go? Did you smack him around and intimidate him?"

"I don't have anything to show for it, so I guess I didn't get very far," Cloud said. He couldn't account for all of his time spent at the facility, so he couldn't say one way or the other what he had and hadn't done already. The more he thought about it, the more it worried him. He wondered if Leon's story about how he got his face cut was true, and if it wasn't, why the brunette bothered to lie to him about it.

"Well, it's alright. Sometimes you need to get a little rough to get the point across. I remember, this one time, I had to bend someone over and really bring home who was in charge. If you get what I'm saying. He ended up _crying_ like a bitch and spilled everything afterward, so it was a success."

"…Wait. _He_?" Cloud asked, raising a brow with a bit of a disgusted look. Sephiroth shrugged.

"It wasn't like I was getting married to the guy. I just had a job to do. No big."

"But… other soldiers get discharged for that shit."

"Soldiers. I'm an officer."

"So that makes it okay to fuck dudes? All it takes is a rank and you can be gay?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth's expression turned from nonchalant to murderous in less than a second and he rushed the blonde, shoving him back against the wall of the elevator and held him in place by his throat. The blonde choked and squeaked out a breath, grabbing on the General's wrist in a futile attempt to get him to let up.

"What did you call me?" Sephiroth spat in his face. Cloud coughed and started struggling. His face started turning red and the other held him for a few more seconds to let him suffer before letting go and dropping the blonde on the floor. Cloud sucked a huge gulp of hair back into his lungs and coughed against his irritated windpipe. "That's what I thought."

_This guy is insane…_ the blonde thought as he stood again. "So is that your tactic for making this guy talk, then?" Cloud asked hoarsely. Sephiroth shrugged.

"If it comes to that."

"I don't want to be there for it."

"Too fucking bad. You have to learn how to do this properly. You have to do what it takes to get what we need for our country."

_Gay for the country. Right. Whatever. Disgusting fuck. _The elevator stopped at the bottom floor where Leon's cell was located. Sephiroth stepped out and in front of the guards that manned the post outside the entrance to the block.

"Go do something else for an hour," he ordered flatly. The guards exchanged a look with one another. Cloud was immediately skeptical and stared at the back of Sephiroth's head with a deep frown.

"But Sir, we're assign—"

"Do I look like I give a damn? Do as I say. Go somewhere else," the General said. The guards hesitated for a moment before leaving quietly. Cloud crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why do they need to leave?" he asked when they were gone.

"Not everyone is as understanding of my methods as you are."

"I wonder why," Cloud said sarcastically. They headed down the hall and stopped in front of Leon's cell.

"Do you have a key to this?"

"No, I just leave it unlocked when I'm in there."

"And he hasn't tried to escape?"

"Nope."

"Idiot," Sephiroth sighed with a short laugh. He unlatched the door and pushed it open. Cloud followed in after him and closed it again.

Leon was starting to lose hope. He hadn't seen Cloud in days and Reno's infrequent visits weren't helping him stay mentally afloat. He startled when his door abruptly opened. He sat up quickly, expecting to see Cloud come in, but his heart sank into his stomach when he saw Sephiroth. His Charge followed the General in quickly, but it did nothing to lift his spirits. His eyes were drawn to sheath at Sephiroth's side. Bringing a sword into a prison cell couldn't possibly have meant they were going to have fun. That, and the fact that the General's eyes were glowing really solidified the fact that Leon was completely screwed. The only sort of solace he found was in Cloud's expression. He didn't seem to be very pleased to be there.

"My name is General Strahl. I'm here to get what we brought you here for," Sephiroth said, standing confidently in front of the Carrier with his arms crossed over his chest. Leon raised a brow, the skin around his cut resisting.

"And that is?" he asked.

"Information."

"Oh. I don't have anything to say to you."

"To me? So you'll talk to him?" Sephiroth asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at Cloud who was leaning against the wall behind him. The blonde wasn't making eye contact with anyone and was blankly staring at the floor.

"Yes," Leon said. The General looked at the blonde.

"Well?"

"He doesn't have anything to talk about," Cloud said. Sephiroth scowled.

"He just said he'd talk to you."

"He already has. We can't use any of it."

"Oh. Well what did he say?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Confessions of a bleeding heart?"

"Just stupid shit."

"Same thing," Sephiroth said with a shrug, turning back to Leon. He smiled. "No talking?"

"No."

"Good. Then I don't need to waste the energy trying to get you to. We can skip right to the force," the other said snidely. Leon furrowed his brows. Sephiroth closed the slight distance between him and the bed and reached for the Carrier. Leon quickly scooted away as far as he could, which only gave the General the space he needed to get on the mattress with him. The brunette's heart rate skyrocketed. Sephiroth grabbed his ankles and backed away, dragging him down the bed. Leon tried to grab the mattress and pull himself away but he was surprised by how much stronger Sephiroth was than him. It didn't help his fear in the least.

"You were really serious about this, weren't you?" Cloud asked, eyeing Sephiroth warily. The General laughed as he grabbed Leon by the hem of his pants and yanked him onto all fours. With the extra leverage, the brunette was able to kick backwards into Sephiroth's thigh. The General laughed and grabbed his foot again and planted it to the bed. He laid his knees over Leon's calves to keep him in place and rubbed his pelvis against his backside.

"I don't talk about things I'm not prepared to go through with," Sephiroth said, taking a second to undo his belt and pull it from his pant loops. He dropped it on the floor, the buckle clinking loudly. Leon's mind flew into a panic and he tried to yank his legs from under the General's weight but couldn't get any headway. The only thing he could manage to do was lay flat on his stomach, but that wasn't much help. Sephiroth pulled him back into place by his hips.

_This isn't right_, Cloud thought as he watched Leon's struggling. Sephiroth reached around and slid his hands down Leon's chest and stomach until he got to the front of his pants. He was quick to undo the zipper and buttons and snake his fingers underneath them. Leon shivered in revulsion when he felt the General's icy hands on him. He glanced at Cloud, who was watching carefully, but with a disturbed crease in his brow. They held eye contact for a few seconds before Sephiroth gave Leon a rough squeeze that made him grunt and bury his face in his mattress in shame.

_Don't watch_… Leon begged his Charge. Cloud was having a bout of mental conflict. He knew what he was seeing wasn't okay and that he didn't like it. He didn't like Leon either, but their conversation from a few days prior was ringing in the back of his head like a bell of clarity. He also agreed with Reno, though it was hard for his pride to admit it. Leon hadn't done anything but show him the truth. Even if the brunette was an ass, it was no different than anyone else the blonde had encountered in the military, so he couldn't understand why it bothered him so much. Regardless, Cloud could dislike Leon easily enough, but he didn't feel the Carrier deserved what was coming to him; that, and he felt it was just plain disgusting.

He couldn't decide what to do. He wanted it to stop and for Sephiroth to back off, but acting out would surely bring about some bloody consequences. Sephiroth wasn't one for restraint or leniency. But as Leon's pants were dropping and the General's opening, the blonde just couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't like his life and wanted it to change. He wanted to get away from people like Sephiroth and be _normal_, possibly even _liked_. He didn't want to stay cooped up where he was and travel down the militant path to psychosis. He just hoped Leon was sincere in his claims.

Sephiroth's belt was the closest thing to a weapon Cloud had on him. He quietly picked it up and looped the end though the buckle to create a makeshift noose. He waited for the next time Sephiroth leaned back to reposition himself. When the General pulled back again and let out a long pleased exhale, the blonde was quick to loop the belt around his neck and pull so it tightened. Sephiroth let out a squeaky surprised gasp as his airway halted for a second. Cloud put his foot on the man's back and pushed him forward while pulling back on the belt. Sephiroth tried to twist around to face the blonde but Cloud kept him facing away from him with his foot and turning with him.

Leon couldn't believe what was happening. Sephiroth's distraction allowed enough let up for him to pull his legs out from under the other's knees. He quickly scrambled away and pulled his pants back into place. Once he was out of the way, Cloud all but tackled the General onto the bed and sat on his back, pinning him in place and keeping the belt taught. Sephiroth gasped and choked while trying to push himself up again but he was fading fast with all the energy he was expelling. Leon watched with a racing heart as the General slowly lost consciousness and went still. Cloud dove off the bed and hurried over to the door to open it. He grabbed Leon's hand and yanked him out into the hall with him and latched the cell closed.

"What the fuck did I just do? I'm going to be killed," the blonde gasped, backing away from the door. Leon stared at him with fascinated disbelief.

"What changed? Why did you help me?" he asked. Cloud glanced at him and shook his head.

"I don't work for faggots. Come on," the blonde said and headed down the hall towards the elevator. Leon glanced at the door to his cell before following after him.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"We're leaving. Unless you want to die."

"No, that's okay. Do you have a way to get us out?"

"I have a motorcycle."

"Oh. I didn't know you brought it with you."

"…Did I tell you about it?"

"No, I just know things," Leon said nonchalantly. Cloud stopped and gave him a sideways glare.

"You're going to explain that to me, right? How you know all this shit about me?"

"Yes. Just not right this second."

"Fine," the blonde grumped and jammed his finger into the elevator button. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and 'maybes.' He was trying to think through it all and focus on one clear line but the outside influences and the underlying feeling of dread was picking at him. He kept glancing through the entryway into the cell block, back at Leon's door, making sure all remained quiet.

There was a loud bang that thundered down the hall, making them both startle and cry out. Sephiroth was awake again and trying to break the cell door down from the inside. Another bang. Then another. And then another. There was a brief period of silence before the elevator door dinged and opened for them. They both hurried inside, running into a couple of other people that were already inside. It was Reno and Rude. No one had a chance to say anything though, as their attention was pulled back to the hallway where there was a high pitched squeal of metal on metal. Sephrioth's sword was sticking out of the door into the hall. He started pulling it down, slicing through the metal door with only marginal difficulty, peeling it open like a can of soup. The elevator doors closed and it started to rise before he could get into the hallway.

"Holy fuck!" Reno blurted when they were alone, throwing his arms around Leon and squeezing the life from him. Rude eyed Cloud suspiciously.

"Let go," Leon strained, shoving at the redhead. Reno released him with a wide grin.

"I'm so happy you're okay! Oh god, I almost peed myself," he blabbed. Leon raised a brow at him.

"We're not safe yet," he said. Reno forced himself to calm down and be a bit more serious.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Us," Rude corrected. Reno smiled at him.

"What do you need _us_ to do?"

"Get us to the garage," Cloud said.

"Right," Leon agreed. Then an abrupt thought crashed into his head, forcing him to reconsider. "Wait. We can't leave yet."

"Oh fuck off. Don't even say that to me. Do you realize how quickly we're going to die if we don't leave _now_?" Cloud barked.

"No no, someone came here with me. Irvine. I completely forgot about him," Leon said, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over him. Reno patted him on the shoulder.

"Rude and I can help you guys get out and then help your friend. We're not leaving right after you so we should have time. As far as I'm aware, there's only like… three other prisoners here other than you so it shouldn't be too hard to find him," the redhead said.

"You're sure?"

"We'll try," Rude said. Leon was still unsure but couldn't let himself get hung up on anything but escaping. The elevator stopped and Reno and Rude shoved Leon and Cloud up against the sides of the tiny box to keep them out of sight. The redhead peeked into the hall to make sure the coast was clear before hurrying out and looking around some more.

"Okay," he said and everyone else filed out.

"Where are we going?" Cloud asked. Reno looked thoughtful for a moment.

"We're right underneath the Mako reactor where the engineers come to work. Rude and I come here to get a refill for our fuel cells for the helicopters. Uh…" Reno trailed, thinking.

"Transport case, maybe," Rude said. The redhead smiled at him again.

"You're so smart. Wait here with them, I'll be right back," he said, taking off down the hall through a pair of double doors.

"There's Mako down here?" Cloud asked. Leon glared at him.

"Don't even think about it. You are staying in your right mind when you're around me."

"And if I have to stand up to a bunch of guys with swords that _are_ on Mako? What then? Is your pansy ass going to help us any?"

"Yeah. It just might. You don't need Mako to drive, asshole. Worry about that first before you worry about getting your fix," Leon spat.

"I'm not worried about a 'fix.' I'm worried about getting killed. There is a _huge_ difference."

"Both of you shut up before we're all killed," Rude grumped. Leon and Cloud both crossed their arms over their chests and turned away from one another like a couple of children. Rude sighed and shook his head. Reno remerged from down the hall shortly thereafter, pulling a cart behind himself that held a large crate. He stopped at the group and Rude helped him open it. Two large cylindrical canisters were inside. The redhead hefted one out and set it aside in the hall. Rude picked up the other one and did the same.

"Okay, get in," Reno said.

"We're not both going to fit in there…" Cloud trailed warily. The redhead grinned at him.

"You will if you get real cozy. Hurry up!"

"God fucking damn it," Leon grumbled to himself, stepping into the crate and laying on his side, pressing his back against one of the sides as flat his he could. Rude shoved Cloud towards the box and the blonde angrily stared at Reno for a moment before sighing and wedging himself in it as well. Leon grunted uncomfortably and adjusted his positioning so Cloud wasn't completely smashing everything important on him. Cloud glared ahead of himself at the crate wall. Reno giggled.

"I should get a camera. This is cute," he said to himself, moving to lift the top of the box back into place. "And away we go," he twittered, pulling the cart along back towards the elevator.

"I'll hide the fuel cells," Rude volunteered.

"Meet you downstairs then," Reno said.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 39

"Get your dick off my ass."

"I would like to, but your ass is too fat and my dick is entirely too huge. The circumstances aren't the best for their parting of ways, I'm sorry."

"You're so disgusting."

"No, I'm just sarcastic. In all seriousness, if I had room, I would move."

"Why don't I believe you? I think you like this."

"Is that an invitation? Am I allowed to like it? Is that what you want?"

"Augh! No! Shut up."

"Whatever you say," Leon chuckled. Their makeshift transportation bumped over a threshold between two areas, making both Charge and Carrier startle and gasp. Cloud let out a long sigh followed by an annoyed grumble. The brunette could practically hear his heartbeat reverberating off the walls of the crate."Nervous?"

"Shut up."

"We'll be alright."

"Shut up."

Leon sighed. "I'm just trying to help."

"Just shut up. That'd be the biggest help."

Leon kept his mouth shut. Part of him wanted to argue and rip into his Charge for being such a bastard, but he pushed the pettiness aside. Cloud was scared, and rightfully so. The brunette was nervous, but not genuinely frightened yet. He trusted Reno to get them to where they needed to go. Once they were there, Leon would focus on trying to leave without getting caught and _then_ he could be scared. But until that point, he was determined to be the stronger one of the pair. He didn't know how close they were to their destination, but the longer they traveled, the more voices he could make out. People were in a panic as far as he could tell.

"Reno!" Rufus barked as Elena wheeled him across the main lobby. Reno stopped to pay attention. "Where is Rude?"

"Uh… I dunno. Bathroom? He said he'd be right back. That's was hardly a couple minutes ago. Why? What's up?" the redhead replied.

"We've had a breech. That useless boy you had me bring here decided he needed to go on some sort of…" Rufus trailed, attempting to think of the words. "Magical homosexual journey with the prisoner and ran off with him!"

Reno laughed. "Is that so?" Cloud let out an audible grunt of unhappiness and Leon patted his shoulder with a quiet shush.

"This isn't funny!"

"No, it isn't. But the way you said it was. What did you need me to do?"

"General Strahl is already tearing the facility apart with his men so finish whatever you're doing and join him. They couldn't have gotten far, and if they manage to escape, they'll die of exposure in the desert. It's not an emergency situation, but it needs to be rectified one way or another. _You_ need to rectify it. This is your fault, you know."

"Yes sir."

"My biggest concern is the report leaking to the higher ups. I don't need this in the records making me look like a fool. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir."

"And tell Rude to get moving too."

"Yes sir. Though… wasn't General Strahl down there with them? How did they manage to escape with him _right there_?" Reno asked confusedly. Rufus motioned for Elena to move him closer and the redhead leaned down to hear.

"That bumbling idiot's father may have been a stellar officer, but the only thing that boy is good for is destruction. I don't know how it happened, and I don't care, but it almost doesn't surprise me that he botched this up. He botched Nibelheim too."

"Nibelheim?"

"They sent him over there to control the situation with the public, and instead that ignoramus incites a riot and practically destroys the entire town in one fell swoop. It'll take me _years_ to clear the wreckage so I can get my Mako reactor in there."

"No shit. Wow," Reno said thoughtfully, standing straight again.

"He's slipping. If he keeps going at the rate he is, he'll be either dead or fired within a year."

"Have they found anyone to take his place?"

"Probably. I don't care. Just find the prisoner and his gay friend and either kill them or chase them into the elements. I'm washing my hands with this. I'm disappointed in you and your judgment."

"I apologize."

"I hope this doesn't come back to bite me, Reno. I'm already docking your pay for all the wasted resources we've burned through. If this ends badly for my company, then there will be much more trouble ahead for you."

"I understand."

"You're excused," Rufus said. Elena took that as a hint to leave and pushed her boss back towards the elevator. Reno let out a long relieved sigh and started walking again.

It took the redhead another fifteen minutes to finally get all the way to the garage. All the while, Leon and Cloud stayed as quiet as they possibly could. Every bump, every jitter, every turn, made them hold their breaths and have goosebumps break out over their arms. As they grew closer to the exits and possible means of escape, the commotion around them in the halls grew as the density of people increased. There was a loud bang of something metal and heavy tipping over in an echoing space.

"Sir, you're not going to find him by destroying everything in here," a soldier said calmly.

"Fuck off! I _will_ find him, and I _will_ put his head on my wall! And you know what I might do afterwards, hmm? I might just stuff my dick in his eye socket and _fuck_ his _fucking_ soul! Don't tell me how to run my operation, whelp! Unless, of course, you want your soul to be my plaything too!" Sephiroth roared.

"You have such awesome friends," Leon murmured quietly. Cloud let out another sigh and thumped his head against the side of the crate lightly.

"No sir," the soldier mumbled. Sephiroth returned to his rage filled rampage, tearing through boxes and boxes of supplies, tools, expensive instruments, and various machine related fluids. Reno kept on his merry way like he hadn't even noticed the General there. Sephiroth was making such a racket with so much echoing that no one could hear the wheels of Reno's cart scooting over the concrete of the garage floor. Cloud knew where they were and was trying his hardest to remember how he got in the garage with his motorcycle when he first arrived to the facility. He and Leon could surely escape the same way.

"_You!_" Sephiroth barked, stomping his way towards them.

"Yeah?" Reno asked innocently. Leon could feel Cloud's breathing speed up. Putting his animosity aside, he patted the blonde's arm and tried to reassure him. His own hands started to sweat from the nervousness. A foot suddenly collided with the side of the crate, rocking them roughly.

"What's in here?" Sephiroth asked impatiently. Reno quickly shoved him away.

"Are you fucking insane? They're fuel cells! Kicking them around like that could rupture them and we'd both get splattered on the wall!" the redhead chided.

"Open it."

"Fuck you. Stupid git like you wouldn't even know what you're fucking looking at."

"Watch your mouth. Don't talk to your superiors like that."

"You're my superior now?" Reno questioned. "I was under the impression I worked for Rufus Shinra."

"Shinra is a tool for _my_ superiors to use. That makes me your superior by proxy. Open the fucking box."

"Get the mechanic's clearance and I'll open everything you want me to. I'm not going to let you fucking rip through this thing trying to find your blonde masturbation fodder and get killed because you don't know how to treat pressure sensitive equipment."

"What did you say to me?" Sephiroth asked venomously. He loomed over Reno with a threatening look in his eye.

"I think you're late to your salon visit. Wouldn't want to miss that perm," the redhead said snidely.

"You looking to die?"

"I die and Shinra sends you back to the pit you crawled out of. Don't know how your superiors would like having their tool shut them out of his operations," Reno said flippantly. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed and he took a step back. The redhead's bravado was cut short when the General reared back and punched the Carrier square in the jaw. Reno barked out a startled yell and faltered, but didn't fall. Biting through the pain in his face, he gently felt the abused area to see if anything was bleeding or loose but his hand came back clean. Sephiroth was surprised when Reno stood straight again with a wide smile. "I'm beginning to understand how they got away so easily."

"Oh yeah? Just because you can take a punch doesn't mean I still can't maim you."

"Oh I think it does. If you could, you would've done it already. I saw you stab that cell door with your sword. I wonder where that strength went."

"You saw that? So you saw the prisoner escaping?" Sephiroth asked suspiciously.

"I came down the elevator. He must have taken the stairs."

"You're fucking useless. I hope Shinra knows you let them escape."

"Me? What about you?" Reno asked with a laugh. He shook his head and waved a dismissive hand. "You're losing your edge, pal. I'm taking my fuel cells up to the helipad. Then I'll find the prisoner before you do," he added, heading away from the fuming General, pulling the cart along with him. Sephiroth watched him leave with vengeful fire in his eyes, but he didn't go after the redhead. Once Reno was able to wheel the cart into a lift he let out a loud groan and rubbed his face. The lift would take them to the roof of the facility. "We're alone," he said, knocking on the crate a bit.

"Does that mean we can get out now?" Leon asked.

"No, we're not safe yet, but I just wanted to let you know that my face is going to have the _biggest_ bruise of my life. I hope you know how much I love you."

"I'll thank your face later," the brunette said.

"You're both disgusting," Cloud said.

"Brotherly love isn't disgusting," Reno said haughtily.

"I think it's more involved than that," the blonde retorted.

"Whatever you fantasize about he and I is your own business, goldilocks. Just don't tell us about it afterward," Reno teased. Cloud furrowed his brows angrily and shoved his arm and his leg against the lid of the crate, attempting to get out and beat the redhead's face in. The buckles keeping the box closed prevented him from getting very far, but it made Reno laugh. Leon let out a yelp and pressed his forehead into Cloud's back as the blonde's leg came down and squashed his testicles.

"Cloud. You're on my balls. Please get off them. They're important to me."

"Get your dick off my ass and we wouldn't have this problem," Cloud said, shifting around to his original position. Reno snorted, stifling a laugh in the back of his throat.

"If this is how it's going to be between you two, I should really follow you both around with a video camera. The internet would love it," the redhead said.

"Shut up, Reno," Leon groaned, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth.

"Okay okay, shush. We're almost there," Reno said. Less than thirty seconds later, the lift stopped and the doors popped open. The redhead pulled the cart into the open air, humming a bit of a tune. There were hardly any people up on the top of the building. It was a wide open space with no railings and two helicopters. Reno rolled the crate over to one of the machines and unclipped the fastenings that kept it locked to the cart. With a bit of difficulty because of the awkward shape, he managed to heft the box into the back of the helicopter. Leon and Cloud were a bit dumbfounded, the blonde especially. It took the brunette a moment to remember that Reno's Totem was a lot bigger than his.

"The fuck?" Cloud asked quietly.

"You'll understand later," Leon responded. The crate was set down with a heavy thud and Reno pushed it as far into the back as he could.

"Okay, you guys. There's a ladder in the corner that goes all the way to the ground and dumps you by one of the doors. You can do what you need to once you get down there, but you need to hurry and do it. I'm going to try and get everyone up here to follow me so you can get away," Reno explained.

"Be careful," Leon said.

"I'll be fine," Reno assured, reaching over and unlatching the crate. He hurried out of the helicopter and stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled. The few mechanics that were milling around stopped and looked to him. "Hey you guys, Mr. Shinra wants us to help search for someone. Come on!" he called to them, heading for the lift. They all let out a collective grumble and set their tools down, reluctantly following after him.

"Think it's safe?" Cloud asked once everything fell quiet.

"Only one way to find out," Leon said. The blonde pushed the lid of the crate up. He hefted a leg over the edge and rolled himself out of it, his stiff joints protesting against the activity. Leon did the same thing and groaned a bit as he made sure his testicles were still where they should be. Cloud peeked out of the helicopter and looked around.

"I think we're okay," he whispered. He stepped out onto the helipad and shaded his eyes with his hand. Leon followed after him and looked around for the ladder. He could see the rails sticking up over the edge and he tugged Cloud's shirt, beckoning him to follow. He looked over the edge of the building to make sure the coast was clear before he slung himself over the side and started to descend.

When they reached the bottom, they could hear conversations on the other side of the door that lead back into the garage. Soldiers were yelling out commands to one another as they searched every inch of anything they can find. If it was big enough to hold a child, it was picked through. Leon and Cloud scooted around the corner and waited for the crowd to disperse. It was sweltering outside and the Carrier noticed within minutes how much it was starting to affect his Charge. Cloud had sweat dripping down his face and his skin was getting a bit red. Leon undid his jacket and draped it over the blonde's face and shoulders.

"The fuck?" Cloud spat, trying to bat him away.

"Shut up, you're going to fry out here if you don't stay covered."

"Yeah? And what about you?"

"My skin doesn't burn like yours does. I couldn't get it to if I tried," the brunette muttered, going to peek around the wall again. He snuck over to the door again and pressed his ear to it. There were voices still, but they were faint. He was fairly confident they were a fair distance away and tried the door handle. It was locked. "Fuck," Leon sighed.

"What is it?" Cloud asked abruptly from directly behind him. Leon snorted in surprise and turned around with wide eyes.

"Don't fucking sneak up on me like that!" the Carrier whispered angrily. Cloud ignored him.

"It's locked?"

"Yes."

"Okay," the blonde said, patting his pockets. He retrieved his pocket knife and jammed it into the lock on the door.

"Wait a second," Leon grumbled. "You had that thing the entire time? Where was it when Sephiroth was getting all gropey?"

"I'm not willing to kill someone for you. Stopping him from raping you is different," Cloud explained simply. The Carrier furrowed his brows, almost insulted. He couldn't understand why, though. He supposed it was because his Charge didn't value his life over Sephiroth's even though he knew he couldn't expect that much yet. But that didn't help him understand the blonde's reasoning any more.

After fiddling the knife around in the lock as if it was cheap and easy to pick, Cloud let out a frustrated huff and stopped, glaring at the knob. Leon nudged him to the side and took his fist and tapped the knife further inward. He then twisted it around, breaking up the mechanics of the lock and using the mangled blade to yank most of the wreckage out. Cloud watched the show of force with quiet fascination. Once he was finished, Leon tossed the useless blade away and opened the door. He was halfway expecting someone to be on the other side staring at them but he was relieved when he was presented with an empty entryway with only a few voices echoing in the distance. Most of the containers and storage areas in the entryway had been turned over, making the floor a complete mess.

"Where to?" Leon asked quietly. Cloud pushed past him and scooted into the garage. The brunette followed close behind. The blonde pulled the other's jacket off himself and tossed it over his shoulder, smacking Leon in the face with it. The Carrier fought off every urge to kick his Charge in the shin and just put it back on.

The entryway was essentially a room made of a few closets and a half wall enclosing them. It was otherwise open and dumped out into the enormous garage proper that housed several oversized combat vehicles, and a bevy of smaller individual transport mediums. There was a line of Fenrirs at the head of the garage, all in a neat row and facing the large doors that opened up out into the desert. Other than that and walls of cabinets for tools and storage, there wasn't much else in there. Leon and Cloud crouched down behind the half wall that made the entryway and tried to take in as much as they could, figuring out where the people were and what they were doing.

"That hair is like a fucking beacon in the dark. You'll stand up and they'll be like 'Hey! Look! It's a blonde flag pole. Must be them,'" Leon muttered quietly, noting how Cloud's hair stuck up over the partition. The blonde scowled.

"My hair is awesome, shut up."

"It's a weapon. You're going to poke someone's eye out."

"Do you want to get out of here or not? I can leave you behind."

"Just don't get me killed in the process."

"Keep fucking talking and I might just kill you myself."

"So sassy," Leon said, shoving Cloud towards the opening leading out into the main area. The blonde glared at the brunette over his shoulder but shuffled out into the garage. Leon had to question the functionality of some of Midgar's machinery. All of it was huge and solid, but from a practicality standpoint, they didn't make much sense. They all seemed like they could pack on the firepower and blow things up accordingly, but they would do so at a snail's pace with their weight. The Fenrir's being the only acceptation since Leon had seen them move and knew otherwise. The rest of it looked scary but that was about it.

The best uses for the machines though, were hiding spots. Some of the wheels on the armored vehicles were taller than Leon and Cloud both, so they could quickly duck behind them if they noticed anyone coming. Cloud's bike was the most noticeable one of the bunch. It was the only clean one. The rest of the Fenrir's in line were covered in dust from being used outside. They ducked and weaved relatively easily between the larger pieces of equipment, but found a problem as the machines shrank the closer they got to the front. They couldn't dive behind things as easily and had to leave greater distances between them so they could stay hidden.

Cloud reached the bike first. He scrambled behind the frame to open the side compartment that held his keys. He also pulled out his sword harness and clipped it around his trunk. Leon peeked out from behind another vehicle and saw a pair of soldiers breaking off from the group that was searching the far end of the garage. Their footfalls got louder as they grew closer, alerting Cloud, who froze in place. He held onto his keys and pulled his pointy chunk of hair down flat and peeked over the seat of his bike. He slowly scooted across the floor around the giant wheel of the vehicle and crouched behind it as much as he could. The soldiers wandered around looking up and down the rows of vehicles. Leon tried to hide halfway under the machine he was near but couldn't squeeze himself under it enough.

"Hey!" one of the soldiers blurted, pointing down the row to where the Carrier was. Leon hurriedly scurried out from his hiding place and took off in the other direction. He could hear the soldiers pulling their swords from their sheathes and giving chase. Their footfalls echoed through the garage, bringing the attention of a few others to them. They headed Leon off at the pass, forcing the Carrier to skid to a halt and find another route to take. He ended up jumping up and grabbing the top of the enormous fender of one of the hulking all-terrain vehicles and hoisting himself onto it.

Once on his feet again, he climbed up as high as he could on top of the machine. A couple soldiers started following him up and he looked around for his options. He caught a brief glimpse of Cloud scrambling to his feet and heading for the control panel that opened the garage doors. The brunette realized he was serving as an impromptu distraction and took a running leap to the next vehicle over. He caught the edge of the machine's body and quickly pulled himself up just as the soldiers had crested the top of the one he had just left. An abrupt gunshot ripped through the garage, making Leon freeze for a brief moment, half crouched on the vehicle still. He didn't know where it had come from, but he knew he hadn't been hit. He glanced towards Cloud and could see the blonde fiddling with the control box for the door.

"How the fuck did you miss him? He's _right_ there!" one soldier barked to another. That's when Leon noticed the dent hardly two inches from his leg. His fight or flight instinct bubbled up and he hauled himself to his feet. He rushed to the opposite side of the machine and dropped himself to the floor again just as another gunshot chipped the metal behind him. There was a soldier on the ground to greet him and he felt a hand wrap around his arm. Without much thought, he grabbed the wrist with his opposite hand and pulled it off his limb and yanked it towards himself. The soldier it was attached to lurched forward and Leon knocked the man's legs out from under him, keeping hold of his arm. He put a foot on the soldier's ribcage and pulled his arm backwards with a resounding '_crack_' as it was popped from its socket. The man screamed and Leon left him there to run down the row of vehicles.

The garage door started to roll up, making the soldiers chasing after Leon hesitate and look for the source. In an effort to not stand out like a sore thumb and get himself shot, Cloud crouched down and kept as low as he could as he made it over to his bike. He squatted next to it and started it up without sitting on it. Leon veered off to the side, heading for the noise. He wove through the vehicles as much as he could to throw the soldiers off. Two more gunshots rang out, ricocheting off fenders and the floor. Once Leon was close enough, Cloud threw himself onto his bike and kicked the kickstand up. The brunette plopped himself on the seat behind his Charge and Cloud hit the accelerator, squealing the tires a bit as he launched them both out of the garage and into the sun. Leon nearly lost his balance with the sudden propulsion and he immediately weaved his arms around Cloud's midsection, his heart racing.

"What are you idiots standing around for? Go after them!" Sephiroth roared abruptly as he came back into the garage. He had caught the tail end of Cloud and Leon leaving and saw the soldiers that were pursuing them stopping in their places. One brave soul spoke up.

"Mr. Shinra said the desert will kill them, and not to go after them if they get out," he said.

"Shinra isn't your superior! Fuck his moronic reasoning and go after the enemy! This is war! Traitors aren't tolerated! Go! Bring them back to me alive. I want to see their faces before we slice their throats!" the General barked, pointing out towards the garage doors. The soldiers hesitated for a few moments but they eventually mounted their own Fenrirs and headed out into the desert after the pair. Sephiroth watched them leave with uneven breathing. He let out a long shaky breath when he was by himself, holding his side, and headed back into the facility.

* * *

"Do me a favor?" Cloud yelled over the rumble of the engine. The sun reflecting off the sand was searing his corneas and it was getting more and more difficult to see.

"What's that?" Leon yelled back. The blonde lifted a leg and held it out.

"Go into the little compartment on the side there and get my sunglasses for me?" Cloud asked. Leon leaned over the side, one hand hanging onto the blonde's shirt. He retrieved the glasses and held them out in front of Cloud. His Charge took them and put them on with a sigh. "I like being able to see. It helps when I have to drive," he said.

"I'm glad you can see, too," Leon said, returning to clinging to Cloud's midsection. The blonde glanced at the brunette's hands.

"You have lady hands," he blurted. The Carrier rolled his eyes and stuck his middle finger up.

They were both fairly confident they weren't being followed. Rufus' words about how the elements were supposed to get them remained in their heads like a security blanket. Leon kept his eyes closed to shield them from the sun and rested his face between Cloud's shoulder blades. The blonde was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the hugging but he couldn't do much about it so he tried to push it aside. The Carrier wasn't aware of what it looked like; he was just trying to still his heartbeat some. The reality was sinking in and the next phase of his anxiety and uncertainty was starting. He had his Charge, and they were leaving together, but his mind was jumping forward to when he would have to teach Cloud everything from scratch and whether or not the blonde would have the patience or the ability to keep up. His attention snapped back to reality when he heard an additional rumble over Cloud's bike. He looked behind himself and his heart turned to ice.

"Uh… Cloud?" he yelled.

"Yeah?"

"There's people following us."

"Really?" Cloud asked, turning to look. There were seven soldiers following after them, their silhouettes growing increasingly visible through the dust cloud they were leaving in their wake. "Oh fuck, that's not good."

"Do you have a plan?" Leon asked.

"Well, kind of."

"That's not very reassuring."

"I have… this," Cloud said, reaching forward and flipping a latch that expanded the front carapace, revealing the six cubbies that held the pieces of the blonde's Fusion Swords. "Not sure what we're going to do about the seventh one, though!" he said.

"Me either! Just try to outrun them," Leon said.

"Where the fuck are we going, by the way?"

"No idea; we'll reach the ocean eventually!"

"Goodie! Did I ever tell you I never learned how to swim?"

"I did know that, actually. Thanks for reminding me. I'll try not to let you drown!"

"Yay. You do realize we're pretty fucked, right?"

"Yeah, but it would be a waste to just surrender."

"Very true," Cloud agreed.

Over the course of the next twenty minutes, the blonde pushed the throttle as much as he could, attempting to leave the others behind. His bike, however, hadn't been adjusted to handle so much loose terrain and dust. The other Fenrirs at the Mako facility had been fitted with an extra piece that kept the particles out of the main mechanics and kept them running as efficiently as possible. Cloud's would have had the same treatment had he been properly stationed at the facility, be he wasn't so it didn't. At full speed, the sand was creating more of a problem than it should have and the soldiers slowly inched closer to them.

Leon was waiting for gunshots, but they never came. He waited for someone to try and crash into them in an effort to make them fall and possibly flip over. That never happened either. The only show of hostility they had were their swords, which were drawn and ready for slashing. A couple soldiers broke formation and drew close, flanking Leon and Cloud on either side. The blonde in response, drew one of the smallest pieces of his blade and held it backwards. One of the soldiers swung at them and Cloud deflected the blade with his own. He quickly leaned towards the other and swung his arm backwards, stabbing his blade into front tire of the soldier's bike. The blade made the wheel jerk upwards when it hit the ground and it broke apart, sending the shards and pieces into the spindles, jamming the wheel into a sudden stop. The residual forward momentum sent the bike spiraling forward, tossing the soldier from its seat and crushing him as it landed on him. Cloud veered in front of the wreckage and righted himself, the movement keeping him and Leon out of the other soldier's reach.

The second soldier got much of the same treatment. He grew close and Cloud jammed the other smaller blade behind the front suspension bracket. The metal clanked against the spokes of the wheel until it finally got caught and halted the wheel, sending the machine out of control. Another bike sped past them and swerved in front. Two others took their sides. They had seen what had been done to their comrades and were wise to Cloud's technique. They kept a fair enough distance away from him so their bikes were safe but they could still reach him with their own blades.

"Hang on!" the blonde barked over his shoulder. He switched gears and the bike skid to a stop before driving backwards full tilt. Cloud spun them around, switched gears again, and headed off in a tangent to the other riders, passing them at an angle. The soldier's formation broke in order to give chase and they reached them one at a time.

Cloud knew he wasn't strong enough to fight them off in actual combat so his focus remained on their vehicles. He withdrew another blade of medium length and waited for the first soldier to catch up to them a bit before he leaned down and skimmed the tip of the blade across the sand. He then hit the brake suddenly, making the soldier speed past them while the blade sliced his tires. The friction yanked the sword out of Cloud's hand. He sped away in another direction, deeming it unwise to go after the weapon. Leon's stomach was turning in knots from the haphazard driving and he held tight to the blonde's chest, moving with him but wishing for it to end.

"Do you know how to fight at all? Or are you just a professional damsel in distress?" Cloud called back to the Carrier.

"I know how to in theory, I just prefer not to," Leon said.

"Right. Professional damsel it is."

"Whatever."

"You're in the wrong career if you're like that, you know."

"Hoping to get out of it once we're done being chased."

"The fuck was the point of doing it at all if you're going to just up and quit?"

"I was looking for you. I found you. Now I'm done."

"…You really need to explain that to me."

"Later," Leon said. Another soldier caught up to them and swerved in close. Leon caught the movement out the corner of his eye and looked up just in time to see a hand coming at him. The soldier attempted to grab his jacket and pull him off Cloud's bike. The Carrier stuck a foot out and planted it on the other bike's seat, giving it a firm shove. The soldier swerved a bit but was able to easily right himself again. He reached for Leon again and the Carrier grabbed onto his forearm. "Hit the brakes!" he yelled.

Cloud did as he was told and the soldier's Fenrir careened off into the distance while the soldier himself stayed behind, his arm being twisted backwards unnaturally. Leon dropped him on the sand and the blonde hit the accelerator again and sped away, his back fender clanking against the soldier's temple. The third pursuer was far too close to the fray in order to swerve out of the way and ended up thumping over the soldier on the ground as well. He didn't stop though, and kept on the pair's heels. He followed them for a decent distance before Cloud abruptly turned, sending a spray of sand into his face with his back tire. The soldier didn't falter, but became preoccupied with coughing the dirt out of his lungs and clearing his vision. He kept steady in a straight line until he collided with the previous soldier's discarded motorcycle.

There were two pursuers left. They had remained a fair distance away to allow their comrades a chance to do some damage but they sped up when the others had been disposed of. Just by the looks of their driving, they were much more skilled than the other five had been. The biggest difference they had over the others though, was that they were unarmed. They caught up just enough to keep the pair in range and preoccupied themselves with the oversized bangles on their wrists. Leon watched them through squinted eyes until he realized what they were doing. His heart turned to ice and he tapped Cloud's chest to get his attention.

"What?" the blonde asked.

"The last ones have materia!" the brunette yelled.

"You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me," Cloud grumbled.

As the soldiers raised their outstretched arms to aim their energy, small swirls of dust rose from the ground in front of Leon and Cloud. Each soldier had picked a side to cast on and in seconds, huge spires of earth sprouted from the disturbances in the sand. The blonde had to dodge and swerve as more and more spires formed in front of them attempting to get them to wreck. They came close on a couple of occasions as Cloud's hold on the machine threatened to lose itself. But after two dozen spires, the magic abruptly stopped. The soldiers were still following them at the same distance they were before, they just weren't doing anything. Cloud's suspicion grew and he slowly withdrew the largest blade from the front carapace, just in case. They rode for another ten minutes before anything new happened.

A virtual tornado of dust rose up a short distance in front of them before a huge wall of earth sprang up in its place. Cloud hit the brakes and skidded to a stop in front of it. The wall was immense and he doubted he could go around it without the soldiers catching up to them in the process. His mind reeled for an impromptu plan as he watched the soldiers come together and head towards them side by side. He didn't have enough strength to take them both on by himself, and disabling them seemed otherwise impossible. He settled on a half baked plan that he wondered would work and started driving straight towards them, his blade poised and ready.

"Wrap your legs around me and hold tight! Don't let go!" Cloud called to Leon. The brunette did as he was told, albeit confusedly. He wasn't in control of the situation so he couldn't argue, but he was afraid of what Cloud was going to do. The blonde sped forward until he reached full speed and abruptly turned, sending a whirlwind of dust up into the air as he started to do tight circles. Leon squeezed his eyes closed and held his breath in anticipation of the unknown. The blonde kept an eye for any approaching shadows as the soldiers came closer.

Once he gathered that they were too close to dodge anything, Cloud raised his blade and jammed it as hard as he could into the ground. He circled it a few more times to gain momentum before he reached out and grabbed the hilt, squeezing the bike with his legs to hang on. On the crest of the next half moon around the sword, he released the bike, sending it hurdling towards the soldiers as if he had shot it from a slingshot. It stayed straight on its path for all of twenty feet before it wobbled out of balance and started to roll. It bounced and skipped across the sand like a flat stone on water, heading right for the pursuers. They both tried to swerve out of the way but the machine reached them first, colliding into them both in a spray of shrapnel and screaming.

The residual motion from the maneuver forced the blade to pop out of the ground and for the blonde to lose his grip, sending Cloud and Leon rolling into the sand with the momentum. The Carrier lay still for a moment, unable to see or hear anything. He knew he wasn't hanging onto his Charge anymore and it took him almost a minute to be able to understand what had happened. Thrown for a loop, his vision blurred back into focus as he pushed himself up and looked around. He noticed the pile of wreckage in the near distance and the warped sword lying in the sand. His ears were ringing, and as they calmed and he could hear again, he noticed Cloud screaming. His hazy mind flew into a panic as he looked around for his Charge and noticed him writhing in the sand a few yards away.

"Cloud!" he cried hoarsely, hurriedly crawling across the sand to the blonde's side. He wasn't bleeding anywhere that Leon could see but it was overly obvious he was in a lot of pain.

"Everything hurts! _Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck… Augh!_" the blonde sputtered through gnashing teeth.

"Calm down and breathe for a second," Leon coaxed, pushing his fingers into Cloud's pulse to feel for any irregularity. The blonde moaned and groaned from a few more minutes before quieting some and panting. "Where do you hurt specifically?"

"_Everywhere you fuck!_"

"Specifically! Focus for a second."

"My… my arms and my legs… and my back. It feels like… I'm being stabbed," the blonde groaned. Leon felt the other's arms and thighs, causing his Charge to spew a line of profanities. When he tried to bend the blonde's limbs, that's when Cloud skipped language all together and just let out a wail. Leon let out a sigh and set them down again gently.

"You may as well have hooked yourself up to a torture rack and pulled yourself apart. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have any tendons or cartilage left in your joints. Stupid. What were you thinking?"

"Would you rather I had let those guys skewer us?" Cloud spat.

"I would've preferred it if you had kept yourself in one piece."

"Well whatever. We're going to die out here anyway. What's the difference?"

"We're not going to die," Leon chided, looking around. There was nothing but sand and rock in every direction. He squinted against the glare of the sun and could see a teeny tiny distortion in the far distance. Everything was flat except the thing on the horizon and he wondered if there was a city that way.

"Do you even know where we are?" Cloud asked.

"We're in the desert."

"Fuck, seriously? I thought we were in a place where chocobos shit rainbows."

"Hey, you're the one who asked," Leon said, shrugging off his coat and laying it over Cloud's face and arms.

"Eugh, get this thing off me, it smells like armpit."

"As it should. I'm sweating. But you need to stay covered," the Carrier said. Cloud's fingers flexed and moved as he struggled to get his arms to cooperate with him. He grit his teeth, hissing in pain. "I'm going to have to carry you."

"Like hell you are," the blonde strained.

"There's a city in the distance, I think. They may have someone there who can heal you."

"And how do you expect to get there?"

"Walk."

"You're fucking insane."

"Maybe. But it doesn't hurt to try."


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 40

"Aren't you supposed to be ripping my facility to shreds?" Rufus asked coolly as Sephiroth meandered his way into his office. Tseng stood behind the disabled man with a stoic expression, his hand idly hovering over his holster. The General was having a hard time keeping his composure and plopped down in one of Rufus' overstuffed chairs with a pained grunt.

"How do you deal with it?" Sephiroth asked.

"Deal with what?" Rufus asked confusedly. The General stood again and opened his long coat and lifted his shirt. There was a large discolored blotch of geostigma creeping its way across his abdomen. He sat again after Rufus got an eyeful. "I'm afraid there's no 'dealing with it,' only 'living with it.'"

"But you—"

"The difference between you and I is that my geostigma was passed to me by my mother. Yours is from Mako abuse. They're quite different. I'm sure you, like many other soldiers, use more Mako in order to lessen the side effects of the geostigma when all you're really doing is making matters worse for yourself. Over time, I've been able to find ways of living as comfortably as I can with my ailment. I've never touched Mako in my life, and I live a low impact lifestyle. I also have the funds in order to keep my medical staff with me everywhere I go. If you had any sense about you, you'd stop your destructive ways and retire."

"But I'm only in my twenties. You're at least forty—"

"You aren't listening to me. Stop your way of life and take a load off. You need to find some other line of work that lets you sit still. If you do that, you might live to see thirty. Otherwise, you'll be dead by year's end."

"Year's end? But there are days when I feel fine!"

"It comes and goes. I have days where I'm better as well."

"This is unacceptable. There must be something you're hiding and keeping to yourself. Even with all the activity I do, there is no reason for you to live twice as long as me," Sephiroth strained. Pushing himself in order to bust out of Leon's cell and then chase the pair around had left him in a bad way. He was having difficulty keeping his breath and every time he moved, he wanted to scream. Rufus watched him with a curious eye.

"What is it you want to hear from me, Sephiroth? Coming to my office was a bit unexpected. I'm telling you honest answers to your questions and yet you persist; as if I owe you something. Is this a cry for help? Are you just too prideful to ask for it?" he asked. Sephiroth furrowed his brows a bit and looked away.

"Retiring is not an option. Stopping isn't an option. There has to be a way to… fix this."

"I've put a lot of money into geostigma research, and I can tell you that it's been a very expensive and useless effort. I have yet to find a treatment, cure, or prevention."

"I can't die like this."

"You think you're the only one? You think you're a unique case? Thousands of soldiers go through the same agony every day. It's shallow to think you're somehow exempt from the consequences and special enough to be the only one that receives some mythical treatment."

"I don't have a son yet."

"Well you better get on that, wouldn't you agree?" Rufus asked. Sephiroth stayed quiet, focusing off to the side at nothing in particular, his jaw tensing in thought. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't have any children either."

"Why not?"

"I'm impotent."

"…You admit that so readily."

"Why should I lie? It's public knowledge. I can't even walk by myself or wipe my own ass with any sort of effectiveness. Impotency is the least of disabilities."

"I function just fine. My problem is staying in one place long enough to see my son come into this world and keeping him with me."

"I'm afraid I can't do much for you, there. My family's bloodline ends with me unless by some heavenly grace I'm suddenly able to asexually reproduce tomorrow."

"What happens to your company once you're gone? Without an heir it'd be sort of difficult to keep things going."

"I already have several agents in line for that. All of my assets will become government property."

"That's sad."

"Yes well, that may be true, but doesn't that make your situation seem trifling?"

"A bit," Sephiroth admitted. He looked at Rufus. "You really don't have any way of assisting me?"

"I'm afraid not. Just do as your father did in his later years and get out of the battlefield. That's really the only solution if you're trying to prolong your life."

"Understood," the General said flatly. He sucked in a breath and hefted himself out of the chair. He made his way out of the office quietly. Once the door was closed, Tseng bent over Rufus' shoulder to speak to him.

"Are you really impotent, sir?" he asked.

"No. Why do you think I have the female nurses help me get to bed every night?" Rufus chuckled.

"Then why did you tell him that?"

"Stupid boy needed to understand that there are bigger issues in life than what revolves around him. His father taught him that he was indestructible and couldn't be touched. Well, hearing where he could end up if he doesn't learn a little maturity is a decent way to serve him some humble pie. The reality is that he's dying and he doesn't even know it. It's sad, really."

"Couldn't agree more. Do you think he'll change?"

"I doubt it. He's falling quickly."

"Also true," Tseng agreed, standing straight again. Rufus cleared his throat and returned to the paperwork he had strewn over his desk.

"What's the status on the escapees, by the way?"

"Last I heard, they decided to head off into the sunset together."

"What a miserable way to die; boiling to death in the desert."

* * *

Reno had caught up with Rude shortly after getting the crate up to the helipad and they had spent a great deal of time searching for people they hoped weren't in the facility anymore. Once they heard of the pair's escape, they both immediately headed upstairs where they had shared their findings with Tseng and Elena before heading back to their living quarters to discuss their next move. Even without words they both knew it was time to go. They had used up all of their resources and couldn't think of any reason to stay. The last thing they needed to do was pack.

"You driving?" Reno asked. He was excited, but he knew better than to be ignorant with it. There was still work to be done before he and his Charge could get back to the redhead's home plane. Namely, making sure Leon and Cloud were okay and helping Leon's friend.

"I probably should. You can't fly for shit."

"Hey, I tried, okay? I can't help it if I'm not a bird. I'm hardly okay with climbing stairs," the redhead said. Rude laughed. "At any rate, I need to man the computer to see if I can hunt down Cranky and Goldie."

"Very true. You think they're a fair ways away?"

"Well soldiers did follow them. If they fought them off somehow, they might be okay, but the more likely scenario is they need help. If they're still being chased, then they could probably use some extra firepower."

"Ah, okay. What about this Irvine guy?"

"Well I haven't met him, but since he had way less of a role than Leon, I can bet that no one brought him out of his seven month confinement to give him a shower and shave. He probably smells like a dead animal and is just as hairy. We should probably tie him to the landing skid and let him air out."

"Sounds like a plan," Rude said.

"Anything you need to bring with you?" Reno asked. So far, all his Charge had done was watch him pack a few things. The redhead was only taking his and Leon's computers and the box of camera bugs. There wasn't much of a point to take anything else. Clothes and toiletries could be replaced.

"Aside from my gun? No."

"Okay. The less things to cart around, the better," Reno said, heading out into their kitchen.

"Taking a snack?" Rude asked amusedly.

"Water. We're going to be flying across the desert, and I've heard rumors that that place is pretty fucking hot," the Carrier said, stuffing water bottles into his pack. He hefted the bag onto his back when he was done and went to retrieve his metal rod. He went to the door and waited for Rude to catch up. He smiled at his Charge. "Ready?"

"…As I'll ever be, I suppose."

"Last chance to back out."

"I'm not."

"You're so awesome," Rude said with a grin.

They left together as casually as they could, heading straight for the staircase. They passed a few people as they descended but no one that had the authority or gumption to stop them and ask where they were going. The activity in the facility had calmed considerably when Leon and Cloud managed to escape; there wasn't much point in looking for things that were already found and lost again. They made it all the way down to the prison cells and stopped in front of the guards flanking the entryway.

"Mr. Shinra isn't happy, guys," Reno said with a tiny frown.

"What's happening, now?" one of the soldiers asked.

"Well that one prisoner managed to get out and elope with his boyfriend. Mr. Shinra had promised him to his daughter, you know. He's sort of pissed he has to go hunt down another one for that ugly skank. So he's cutting his losses and is just settling for the other guy from Balamb. He asked us to take him upstairs," the redhead said flippantly. The guards looked at each other confusedly.

"…Mr. Shinra doesn't have any children," one of them said flatly. The redhead sighed and rolled his eyes.

"That was a joke. Relax. But he does want to question the other prisoner so we have to take him upstairs."

"Why doesn't he just come down here?"

"Do you really think his wheelchair will fit through this doorway? Look at this thing. It's puny!" Reno said, nudging Rude and his huge shoulders to stand in the doorway. It was a standard sized door, but with Rude there for comparison, it looked a lot smaller. The guards were still suspicious.

"I still don't think it's a good idea. The other one _did_ just escape."

"But it's Mr. Shinra's orders," Reno persisted.

"General Strahl is here."

"And he doesn't own this place. Mr. Shinra can take your rooms and make you live in a hole in the sand," the redhead said.

"I'm more afraid of General Strahl," one admitted, the other nodding in agreement.

"You know what? Fine. Don't believe me. Follow us and make sure we're doing things by the book if you're that concerned about it. Where is he?" the Carrier asked. Rude lifted a confused brow.

"One floor down."

"Lead the way, then," Reno said. One of the soldiers left with him and Rude and escorted them down to the lower level.

Irvine, like Leon, was the only captive on his floor. The prison was an enormous multi-leveled building but was unfinished, so their census was extremely low. Prisoners came in on an as needed basis and there weren't many Balamb soldiers wandering the desert to take in the first place; Leon and Irvine being the last ones to come in since their capture so many months before. Since then, Irvine had been isolated. He spent his days much like Leon had when he wasn't talking to Cloud; alone and bored. He occupied himself with doing sit-ups, pushups, thinking, picking the paint off the walls, and talking to himself. His only saving grace was the person who brought him his meals. He had convinced the man to sit and talk to him on a few occasions, helping him keep his sanity intact.

Halfway down the hall of Irvine's floor, Reno decided to act. Their escort was walking in front of them so he withdrew his metal rod from his pant loop and whacked the guard on the base of the skull. The soldier cried out and stumbled forward, but didn't fall like the redhead wanted him to. He whirled on them both with rage in his eyes, his arm going for the sword at his hip. Rude caught the movement and lunged forward, grabbing the other's wrist and pulled him forward with it. He punched the soldier in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him and making his legs go weak. Reno hurried over to the nearest cell and yanked the door open. Rude gave the soldier a sharp shove, sending him sprawling backwards into the little room with a groan. Reno slammed the door shut and locked it. He let out a long breath afterwards.

"Nice," the redhead commended, patting Rude on the shoulder as they continued down the hallway. Following their noses to Irvine's cell was easy enough. Reno knocked, startling the cadet inside, making him sit up quickly. Without much warning, the redhead opened the door and stuck his head inside.

"Uh…" Irvine drawled confusedly.

"You, my smelly friend, need to come with me," Reno said happily with a smile.

"What's going on?"

"Squall sent me to come get you. We're leaving, so come on."

"Wait Sq—"

"He's already escaped and asked us to take care of you. Come on," Reno said, pulling the door the rest of the way open. Irvine stared at the pair with obvious skepticism.

"I don't believe you."

"Well fine. Stay here then," the Carrier said, heading back down the hall the way he came. Rude followed after him quietly, leaving the door open. Irvine hesitated, but then got up and looked down the hall both ways. When the other two didn't come back, he figured he should probably follow them and jogged to catch up.

"So where are we going?" he asked.

"Dunno yet, really. We just need to leave. We have a helicopter," Reno said.

"Okay, and who are you guys?"

"I'm Reno, and this is Rude," the redhead said, motioning to his Charge. Rude gave Irvine a little wave.

"Uh, hi."

"You're Irvine."

"Right."

"Good. We'll explain things later, but right now, we have a flight to catch."

"Okay… do you guys have a plan for getting out?"

"How fast can you run?" Reno asked. Irvine raised a brow. Rude looked to the redhead.

"You're not serious," the Charge said.

"It may come down to that. It's sort of hard to steal a helicopter and not get noticed."

"Well, I wouldn't call it _stealing_. Rufus did give you the keys."

"Yeah, but it's like a leased helicopter more than it is mine. And I really don't intend on returning it. So I get to tell the grandkids about how I hijacked a helicopter with a buddy of mine and a hobo."

"…Hey," Irvine said, sending Reno a glare. Rude chuckled.

Getting upstairs wasn't difficult. They went up the few flights of stairs to the main level without incident, but the tension rose when they needed to cross the lobby. The plan was to hold Irvine by his jacket sleeve and walk him through the lobby as if they were taking him somewhere important. Handcuffs or something mildly authoritative may have helped, but they had to work with what they had. They managed to lead him across most of the lobby, garnering weird looks from others and hushed whispers. It wasn't until Tseng brought Rufus down into the space that anything was brought into suspicion.

"Reno! Rude! What the hell are you doing?" the man barked angrily from the top of the staircase. The trio froze, as did just about everyone else around them. The door to the garage was wide open for them and hardly fifty feet away.

"Uuuh… General Strahl said you wanted us to take him out into the desert and shoot him?" Reno guessed.

"What? No I didn't," Sephiroth called from across the lobby where he had been talking with a few of his soldiers. The trio hadn't even seen him.

"What do you want to do?" Rude whispered out the corner of his mouth.

"Remember what I said about running?" Reno whispered back.

"Why am I going with you, again?" Irvine chimed.

"Because Rude has awesome hair," the redhead said. Irvine furrowed his brows and looked to the bald Charge. Rude shrugged.

"Take him back to his cell this instant!" Rufus bellowed.

"Run," Reno said and took off towards the garage door, pulling Irvine along with him. Rude followed. Suddenly the lobby broke out into a bevy of activity as a dozen soldiers pulled their swords and gave chase. Furious, Rufus slammed his fist on the arm of his wheelchair and looked to Tseng.

"Go after them!" the man screamed.

"But Sir… that's Reno and Rude."

"They're traitors!"

"But…" Tseng hesitated, trying to delay having to kill his friends. Rufus wasn't as forgiving though and reached up to the other's holster and took his gun.

"Fine, then I'll do it myself," he said as he strained a bit but was able to pull himself out of his chair and onto his feet.

"Sir I don't think this is ideal—" Tseng attempted but was cut off when Rufus pulled the trigger. Reno flinched and looked towards the noise while still heading towards the door. He paled and a sense of panic dripped in.

"Rufus can walk!" he cried.

"What?" Rude asked, glancing towards the stairs.

"We're going to die!"

"You give in too easily," Irvine said, pulling his arm out of the redhead's hand so he could run easier. They made it to the garage and the cadet spied a startled pod of guards nearby, two of which had guns. He veered away from Reno and Rude and headed for them.

"Are you fucking stupid?" Reno called after him, slowing his pace. Irvine ignored him and punched one of the guards, causing him to falter. He grabbed the butt of the pistol and yanked it from his holster before kicking him in the side and sending him staggering into the rest of the group. Reno and Rude had slowed enough to wait for him and he caught up with them just as the guards from the lobby flooded into the garage.

"No, I'm not stupid, thanks. I just felt a bit naked and had to cover myself," Irvine said, waving the pistol a bit. They took off running again, weaving between the heavy machinery. Gunshots were fired as they briefly passed into the open space between the vehicles, but they managed to make it to the back door unscathed.

Climbing the ladder to the top of the facility was simple enough, but there was an overwhelming sense of foreboding as no one followed them outside. They could hear the echo of the garage doors opening, though. When they reached the roof, Reno immediately led them to the helicopter and pulled out his keys. There were only a couple mechanics with them who gave them strange looks as they filed into the machine and Reno started it up. Rude plunked himself behind the controls and put on his sunglasses.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" one of the mechanics yelled over the putter of the propeller blades. The sides of the helicopter were open and Irvine was busy pulling one of the doors closed.

"Going for a joyride! Sorry!" Reno called back to the mechanic. Irvine shoved the man backwards and pulled the other side door closed. The man tried to pull it back open but Irvine pointed the muzzle of the pistol in his face as soon as it opened enough and he backed off, putting his hands up in a surrendering gesture. Irvine closed the door again.

Reno immediately pulled Leon's computer and a camera bug out of his backpack and clicked the two together. He told the camera to find Cloud and then tossed it out the window just as the machine started to lift. Being a military grade helicopter, there wasn't much in the ways of seating in the oversized cabin behind the cockpit. There were loops of fabric to hang onto for stability, and Irvine grabbed hold of one before he could flop onto his face with the sudden movement. They took off, following the dot on Leon's computer as the camera bug flew off into the desert sun.

Unbeknownst to them, Rufus was regrouping and preparing to order his men to follow them, putting Sephiroth in charge of them to do what was necessary.

* * *

"I'll fucking gut you if you tell anyone I let you touch my ass," Cloud spat. Leon rolled his eyes with a sigh. In an effort to not toss his Charge around like a ragdoll, the Carrier had to come up with a better way to carry him than trying to get Cloud onto his back somehow. It was a lot harder to carry someone piggyback when that said someone couldn't move their limbs to help hang on. Carrying Cloud around like he was a princess wasn't very effective either, since he needed to stay covered by Leon's jacket. So in the end, Leon ended up picking him up like a toddler, lacing his fingers together in front of himself like a seat and letting the blonde rest against him with the jacket draped over his shoulders and face like a blanket. The only downside of that was Cloud's legs being able to move and dangle freely from around Leon's waist, which was painful, but much better than trying to hang onto his back.

"I won't tell anyone," Leon promised, shaking his head. Cloud's sunglasses had survived the fall in the sand and were proving to be a valuable asset. The Carrier wore them despite the blonde's fervent protesting and accompanying dirty looks. "Can I tell them how cuddly you are?"

"Fuck off."

"I could just leave you to dry up into a raisin out here."

"It's better than having you grope me."

"You'd know if I was groping you. I'm not very good with subtlety."

"Wonderful," Cloud strained with a bit of a grunt as his leg moved. Leon was walking as evenly and as lightly he could to minimize movement, but at the same time he was trying to go as fast as he could before the blonde got too dehydrated. Both of them were sweating buckets, but he wasn't worried about himself; he just kept his eyes on the city ahead of them and his feet moving.

After another twenty minutes of silence, Leon noticed a change in Cloud's breathing. The blonde was nearly panting and his posture was starting to sag more than it already way. The Carrier picked up a corner of the jacket and peeked at him, using one hand to support him still. Despite the fabric covering, Cloud's face was red. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly and a grimace played on his lips. Leon furrowed his brows.

"Cloud?"

"…What?" the blonde spat, shifting his eyes to look up at the brunette.

"You still with me?" Leon asked worriedly.

"I'm fine."

"What are you feeling aside from the obvious? What's new?" the Carrier asked, putting the jacket back in place and lacing his fingers together again. The blonde didn't answer him. "Cloud."

"Hmm…" his Charge hummed weakly.

"Cloud!"

"_What_? Fuck, don't yell at me."

"I need to know if you're feeling anything new."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Are you having trouble breathing?"

"Stop it."

"No. I'm trying to help y—" Leon started, but his words stopped when a very familiar bug landed on Cloud's back. "Reno?"

"What just touched me?" Cloud asked confusedly. The Carrier stopped walking and looked around. The bug crawled around and under the jacket. The Charge sputtered and tried to twitch away from it.

"Hold still, it's not even a real bug. That's Reno."

"Who?"

"The guy with the red hair that stuffed us in a box."

"Oh. This bug looks nothing like him."

"Well that's good. It would be terrifying if there was a bug wandering around as big as a person," Leon said, squinting at the distance. He couldn't tell if there was something in the sky headed towards them or not. He kept walking, just in case he was seeing things. "Reno, if you would be so kind as to come and get us, I would appreciate it."

"Why are you so weird? There's no one here," Cloud asked, thinking the Carrier was insane for associating bugs with his friends.

"I'll explain later."

"You better," the blonde said quietly as he started to fade. He was incredibly tired and his chest was hurting. He also had a massive headache. Reno could see he was having trouble breathing, and crawled out from under the jacket to sit the camera on Leon's shoulder. The brunette noticed Cloud's change for the worse and his worry was doubled. He knew that even if he started sprinting, he wouldn't make it to the city in the distance before he lost the blonde. He could only hope Reno was really on his way to get them and not just watching.

"Cloud."

"Mm?"

"You need to stay awake."

"Mmnn…"

* * *

Reno was panicking. Rude was pushing the helicopter to go as fast as it possibly could but he was starting to wonder if it was enough. Cloud was in a seriously bad way, and Leon's worry and inability to do anything for him, was heartbreaking. On a positive note, though, no one seemed to be following them yet. The redhead knew it was only a matter of time before someone came after them. He couldn't say for certain, but he was fairly sure that there was some manner of GPS in all the equipment the military used, the helicopters included. The technology was there, after all, even if it wasn't exactly what Reno was used to seeing. If Midgar didn't use it to their advantage, he would be very surprised with their stupidity.

"Calm down, we'll get there in time," Rude reassured as Reno sat in his seat with his legs folded under him, chewing on a thumbnail nervously.

"We're still at least fifteen minutes away from them," he said.

"And we will get them and cool them off as best we can. Winhill isn't too far from here, either. We'll head there for the night. It'll work out."

"I hope so."

As they continued on, Reno could see black splotches of wreckage every now and again. It was clear whatever soldiers had followed the pair had met an untimely end and from Cloud's condition, there was probably an extensive fight. As cute as they may have looked from a distance, Leon wasn't carrying the blonde like someone would have if the other person was simply dehydrated. The added details made the trip to catch up with them all the more painful. Reno wasn't sure of the extent of Winhill's medical care. He had been there once, and the people seemed nice, but he wasn't concerned about seeing the amenities at the time.

"I see them," Rude said calmly, shattering the redhead's worrisome thoughts. Reno immediately squished his face up against the window to see. A fair distance from an enormous rock formation was a dot with a pair of legs heading towards Winhill. When Leon heard the approaching propellers, he turned towards the noise and started towards it instead.

"Cloud," the brunette urged, giving the blonde a bit of a bounce. Cloud let out a bit of a grunt from the pain but was otherwise unresponsive. Leon pushed the jacket away and tilted the blonde's face up by his chin so he could see. Cloud was giving a serious effort into trying to stay awake. His eyelids were three quarters of the way closed and the Carrier couldn't see his irises because they were trying to roll back in his head.

The helicopter couldn't land quick enough. Leon pulled the jacket over Cloud again as the sand started to kick up and blow around. He squeezed his own eyes shut and waited for Reno to open the door. The redhead was there, but it was Irvine that pulled it open, giving the Carrier a bit of a surprise with how unkempt he was. He couldn't let himself focus on it long. He hefted Cloud onto the edge of the doorway, letting him sit some while letting him fall backwards into Reno's hands. The redhead tugged the blonde back and laid him out on the cabin floor as gently as he could. Leon climbed in after him and Irvine slid the door closed. Rude took off steadily and set a course for Winhill.

"Don't bend him if you can avoid it," Leon said. Reno yanked his backpack from the cockpit and quickly retrieved several bottles of water. The brunette took one and immediately opened it and upended it on Cloud's face. Irvine sat nearby, watching curiously.

"Is this someone I should know?" he asked.

"No," Reno answered, taking off his jacket and fanning Cloud with it. Leon doused the blonde's shirt with another water bottle. He felt his pulse and tapped his face with his hand in a half-slap, trying to get a response out of him.

"Cloud? Can you hear me?" the brunette called. Reno stopped fanning so he could go reopen the door, hoping the cross breeze would be more effective. It was, if the tradeoff was the thundering sound of the propellers.

"There isn't much more we can do!" Reno yelled.

"Do you think he'd drown if I try to get him to drink something?" Leon yelled back.

"I don't know! He might!"

"Should probably try," the brunette said, though inside he wanted to scream. It was a bit of a nervous reaction to sound so sarcastic. He was really wishing for that safe box to keep his Charge in. He scooted around and slid his hands under the blonde's shoulders and lifted him as gently as he could so he could sit behind him. He sat the blonde between his legs and let him rest back against his chest. Reno handed him another bottle of water. The Carrier tilted a bit into his Charge's mouth. Cloud promptly inhaled it and started coughing. But at least he was awake. Reno went to close the door again so he could hear himself think. He plopped down next to Leon and Cloud afterward. The brunette occupied himself with trying to get Cloud to drink.

"At least he's responsive. I don't know how long it'll be before we get to Winhill, but it is the closest city to the Mako reactor," the redhead explained.

"Okay," Leon said distractedly.

"Can I ask what happened?"

"Reno… I can't think very well right now. Later," the brunette said.

"You need to drink something too," the redhead said.

"In a minute. Cloud first."

"I'm not trying to stop you, I just don't want you to pass out on me too."

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Fine enough to worry about someone else."

Reno was conflicted. He was much more worried about Leon than he was about Cloud if for no other reason than his own judgment. He didn't think the blonde deserved half the fawning the brunette was giving him and he really just wanted to make sure Leon was okay too. He would keep his opinions to himself, but his stubborn friend wasn't even taking ten seconds to get some water in himself. There wasn't much more they could do for Cloud until they landed, and shoving liquid down his windpipe wasn't a step in the right direction. The fact that Leon was blatantly ignoring Reno's advice, made the redhead feel suddenly insignificant. He knew he was being petty, but Leon never gave him the impression he would be that worried if he were in the same situation Cloud was. He thought it strange that he felt that way so easily, and thought he was being a bit foolish.

Leon stopped trying to get the blonde to drink after another ten minutes of fruitlessness. He drank the rest of the water himself to get Reno to stop glaring at him and laced his arms around Cloud's chest. He rested his cheek against the blonde's hair and heaved a heavy sigh, trying to focus on anything but the negatives. It was difficult. Reno watched him with a worried face. There were two different kinds of sad he had seen the brunette display over the course of their friendship. There was the traumatized sort of sad and the earth shattering sort of sad. Leon's body language and blank expression told the redhead that the brunette's world was slowly falling to pieces. What the particulars were, he couldn't say, but he did know that he wasn't happy that both kinds of sad were because of Cloud. How Leon could feel that much compassion for a person that had caused him so much pain, Reno couldn't even guess. Leon confused him more than women sometimes.

The ride to Winhill was quiet except for the occasional groan from Cloud. For Leon, it had taken decades to get there and when he felt the helicopter start to descend, his heart did back flips. He just hoped the people there had heard of intravenous fluids before. It was debatable that they had much of anything, really. They landed right outside the city and when the doors opened, the brunette's hopes were squelched a little. Winhill was a lot like Nibelheim. It wasn't some sprawling metropolitan city with untold amounts of technology. It was very small, very homely, and very rural. The groundcover and gardens were sparse around the city itself, but grew more dense and flowering the farther in they went. Leon hefted Cloud out of the helicopter and held him much like he had when they were walking in the desert. The group headed towards the city center with the hopes of finding someone who knew what they were doing.

"There's a bar with like… a bed and breakfast place above it not too far from here," Reno said, leading everyone off towards the east.

"We need a clinic or something before that," Leon said.

"They don't really have one, I think."

"Well what the fuck did we stop here for? Let's go to… wherever the next closest one is," the brunette demanded angrily.

"Relax, they have resources and stuff we can use. It's just not like a hospital setup," Reno assured.

"So long as I get a shower, I'm good with whatever," Irvine chimed. Leon glared at him. The other put his hands up defensively. "Don't give me that look. You obviously don't know what you're carting around there. That's a Midgar soldier. I have no obligation to give a damn about him."

"Where I come from, we help people regardless of where they were born. Forgive me for not putting your needs first. You have legs that can work, I was under the impression you were better off," Leon spat.

"What the fuck did he do for you that you hold him so high on a pedestal?"

"He saved my life. If it wasn't for everyone here, both of us would still be stuck in prison. That includes Cloud. I wasn't leaving without him, and if I hadn't left, I wouldn't have mentioned you to Reno. My only regret is that I couldn't come for you myself, and for that I apologize. But do me a favor and put your prejudice aside. I'm really not in the mood for anyone's shit."

"Okay, okay, yeesh," Irvine said.

"Watch what you say, Mr. Hobo. Squall's very possessive. That, and Rude and I came from the same place Cloud did. One could almost think you're ungrateful," Reno said over his shoulder.

Irvine let out a huff and looked off to the side. "Fine," he clipped.

"I understand you're grumpy at Midgar. Personally, I am too. Let's just focus on regrouping and getting everyone back together in one piece. The couple that runs this bar are very cool people."


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: **I apologize whole heartedly for the huge delay. Writers block, family obligations, and work are killing my time.

Hopefully I'm over this and get back on track soon

* * *

Chapter 41

Winhill had its fair share of secrets. Between the cottages and tiny shops, the gardens, the happy families, one would never suspect anything out of sorts. Well, that was part of the fascination of it all. To someone looking in from the outside, it had absolutely no defenses and was a sitting duck. It was a wonder that the little town hadn't been sucked up by Midgar years ago. Reno (and to a lesser extent, Rude) was baffled at its ability to survive. The people seemed too nice, too compassionate, and too understanding to be fighters. Even though all those details floated around in the redhead's brain, he still worried for the town's safety once Rufus got his things together and came after them. He wanted to spend as little time as possible in the peaceful town to avoid any sort of disturbance.

Reno could only imagine how strange their group looked as they all burst into the bar. The owners, Laguna and Raine Loire, both startled and turned towards them with wide eyes. The redhead waved at them both causing the man, Laguna, to stand from his seat at the bar and come greet them. They had met and shared a couple of meals together during Reno's last visit, but not much else outside of that. All the redhead had gathered was that Raine and Laguna were very nice and willing to go out of their ways to help people. Laguna brushed his shoulder length black hair over his shoulder and shook hands with Reno and Rude, giving the rest of the crowd inquisitive looks.

"What's going on, here?" he asked curiously.

"We need your help," Reno said. Laguna raised a brow.

"What can I do?"

"Do you know a doctor?"

"Uh… are we talking about needing help with a disease? Or injury?"

"Injury," Leon said, shifting Cloud's weight around in his arms. Laguna stepped to the brunette and helped himself to looking into the blonde's face. He peeled open one of his eyes and scowled at the vibrant blue, but didn't make a comment. He stood straight again and turned to his wife, Raine, who was busying herself with filling the bar supplies.

"Raine, get them a few rooms. I'll go find Brunhilda," he said, hurrying past the group and out the door. The bar was empty of patrons and Leon vaguely wondered if they were even open for the day. It seemed rather quiet for such an establishment, especially one that apparently had a bed and breakfast above it. Raine shuffled out from behind the bar and went to a nearby door. She disappeared for a few moments but returned with several keys.

"Follow me," she said kindly with a smile. Everyone followed her up a wide set of stairs to the upper floor. She unlocked one of the first rooms in the hallway and pushed the door open, ushering Leon in. She handed off the rest of the keys to everyone else and Irvine was quick to breathe his thanks and dash away to find a shower. Reno and Rude thanked her for the keys but followed Leon into his room instead. There were two single beds in a homey setting with only a dresser and a lamp to fill the empty space. There was also a large window on one wall and a door that led into a bathroom. The Carrier gently laid Cloud out on one of the beds. The blonde scrunched his face up in pain and let out a long groan. Leon sat on the edge of the other bed and rubbed his face.

"Thank you," he said with a heavy sigh. Raine smiled again.

"Brunhilda will fix him right up. Don't worry yourself."

"I'm trying," Leon said. Reno went to sit next to him and patted his back. The brunette gave him an appreciative glance and the redhead smiled. Raine adjusted her yellow headband and combed her fingers through her waist length walnut colored hair.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" she asked. Leon shook his head.

"I don't know yet. Right now, no. I'll ask if I need something."

"Okay. I'll be right downstairs," she said and took her leave. Rude shifted his weight uncomfortably and decided he should give Reno and Leon a minute.

"I'm going to go check the rooms," he said. The redhead nodded and his Charge left. Reno leaned over and bumped his shoulder against Leon's.

"Hey. He's going to be fine. Stop freaking out."

"Don't tell me that. You know damn well you'd be more of a mess than I am if Rude was where Cloud is," Leon grumped, sending his friend a glare.

"Don't get snippety with me. I'm just trying to help," Reno said, glaring right back at him. Leon held his angry face for a few seconds longer before he sighed and looked away.

"I know."

"You also know he's going to be okay, so why are you letting yourself get so upset?"

"I feel guilty."

"Guilty? Why? Did you beat the shit out of him?"

"Because we were being chased and towards the end of everything he asked if I can fight. I told him I can, but I prefer not to. Then…" he hesitated, motioning to the blonde. "Then this happened pretty much immediately after. Looking back on it, I think he was asking for my help rather than calling me a pussy for just coming along for the ride. He made it sound like a joke at the time; I don't think his pride would've let him flat out ask. I should've done something. I should've at least tried. I should've made an effort to protect him… like I'm supposed to."

"You can't blame yourself for this."

"Well, I certainly didn't help all that much."

"You took care of him afterwards."

"And it would've been a useless effort had you not come for us. He would've died long before we could've gotten here. I've done nothing for him and everything to hinder him."

"And you forget he's had his fair share of hurting you."

"I haven't forgotten. It doesn't give me the right to make him suffer though."

"You haven't made him suffer."

"Sure I did. Because of my cowardice, he's hurt more than he probably would be had I done something to help. I have done _nothing_ for him. Hell, I didn't even find him. You did it for me. You've done it all so far. He's your Charge more than he is mine. And as much as I appreciate all you've done for me, at this point, I feel like you shouldn't have done any of it and left me where I was. I don't…" Leon said, taking a breath and looking down at his hands. "I don't deserve any of it."

"Let's say all of that is true. Let's go ahead and call you a coward and a failure and just about everything else negative in the dictionary. Fine. Whatever. Who gives a shit? I don't. You forget where you're taking him and the things you guys are going to accomplish together. You're taking him away from this god-awful place, away from his past, and out of his life which was heading straight down a cliff. He probably doesn't see it that way, but you know as well as I do that if either of us hadn't done any of the things we've done so far, he would've ended up dead by the time he was twenty-five. That's a waste. Even if this was the most flawless execution of a Charge retrieval in history, it wouldn't matter because the end result is still the same.

And just for the record, he isn't my Charge. He's yours. You're the one who watched him grow up and learned to give a damn about him. You're the one that wants him regardless of all the shit he's pulled. Not me. I don't want him. Personally, I don't he's good enough for you. I would've left him in the desert to rot because I really don't feel he's worth the energy. But you do, and that's what matters. Because he's yours," Reno said. Leon propped his elbow on his knee and his chin in his palm. He couldn't think of much else to say. He still blamed himself even though he agreed with the redhead. Reno rubbed his back. They sat quietly for a few minutes until Laguna burst into the room followed by a crinkly old woman with a hunchback and too much jewelry on. The Carrier assumed that was Brunhilda.

"My my," she cooed as she shuffled over to Cloud's bed. She seemed rather frail, possibly even sickly, but she apparently knew what she was doing. Reno watched her with a wide smile, just barely holding back his giggles. She jingled a little as she walked as her necklaces clinked together, and she had to pick up her skirt so she didn't trip on it. She was hardly five feet tall with a nose like a beak.

"I have no idea what's wrong with him, but apparently he's injured," Laguna explained. The woman glanced at him briefly before looking back to Cloud. She reached down and turned the blonde's arm towards her with her bony fingers and clucked her tongue while shaking her head sadly. She ran a fingertip over the blob of bruises that marred the blonde's inner elbow.

"I cannot help with any damage caused by Mako, but I will do what I can anyway," she said. Leon frowned. He had forgotten for a moment that Cloud had more problems than what he had incurred in the desert. Brunhilda held her knobby hands over the blonde's face and closed her eyes with a small smile. Leon caught himself thinking of the Shumi people as the thin green circle spread itself around the woman's feet and the blue and purple orbs floated upwards. More specifically, he thought of the Bead Maker and he had to stop himself. He sighed. The emotional turmoil he was putting himself through was getting tiresome. He felt better once Brunhilda's fingers seeped greenish tendrils down over Cloud's face and filtered up his nose and into his mouth. His breathing evened out and the redness in his skin faded back to its normal coloration. After a few minutes, she stepped away and bid her goodbyes. Laguna walked her out. Reno patted the brunette's back and left as well, closing the door behind him.

Leon went to sit next to his Charge and shook his shoulder a bit. "Cloud."

"…Hm?" the blonde grunted, furrowing his brows. He slowly peeled his eyes open and blinked at the ceiling. It took him a few seconds but he realized he was in a completely different place than where he last remembered being and he sat up quickly and looked around with wide eyes. His gaze stopped when he saw Leon sitting on the bed with him and he gave the Carrier a disgruntled scowl and a suspicious once-over.

"How're you feeling?" the brunette asked.

"The fuck are you doing in bed with me? And where are we?" Cloud asked angrily. Leon sighed and went to sit in the other bed. He hadn't anticipated the blonde being so energetic, but he felt it was a good thing that he was. At least he was better, if a little cranky.

"We're in Winhill."

"Wherever that is."

"South of the prison."

"Oh. How'd we get here?"

"Reno came for us. Do you remember?"

"It's… fuzzy," Cloud said, rubbing his forehead a bit. "I remember a little bit after being chased. I remember the bug… but not much else after that."

"That's about the point where you went downhill, yeah. But you're better?"

"Uh…" the blonde drawled, looking himself over. "Yeah."

"Good. I think we're staying here for tonight."

"And after that?"

"Well, we're probably going to Balamb. Back to my school for at least a day. There's something there I need to get and we need to drop off my friend. And then we can go where we need to," Leon explained, putting his hand to his chest where his chain should've been. He was a little concerned that he didn't have his change code with him. He was getting near to the threshold where he would have to change, but he didn't feel it just yet so he tried to ignore it.

"Where is 'need to?'"

"…That requires a lot of explaining that I just don't have the energy for right this second."

"I want you to, though. I have a lot of questions."

"I know you do. And I will answer them as much as I can; I just need a minute to get my heart to stop flipping out," Leon said, flopping back on his bed and staring at the ceiling. His anxiety was getting to be unbearable and he really needed to get a hold of himself.

"Why is your heart flipping out?"

"Because I thought you were going to die."

"…And that matters, why?"

"You don't think dying is a big deal?" Leon asked, propping himself up on his elbows. Cloud was staring ahead of himself at the floor. He shrugged.

"I'm a soldier. It's expected."

"That doesn't mean that it's okay for it to happen."

"Yeah well… whatever," Cloud clipped, pushing himself up off the bed and standing. He went to the nearby bathroom door and peeked inside to make sure it was the place he wanted to go. "I'm going to shower."

"Okay…" Leon said, furrowing his brows together. The blonde disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the brunette with a sense of uneasiness. He didn't expect Cloud to be giddy and excited about the circumstances, but he hadn't expected him to sound so indifferent about dying. It was a little worrisome but the Carrier couldn't let himself focus on anything until he knew for certain of what he was looking at. He decided to let Cloud have the room and he made his way out into the hall. Laguna was there, leaning on the wall across from their door with his arms folded over his chest. The Carrier stopped and blinked at him.

"I don't want any trouble from you all, do you understand?" Laguna said sternly. Leon raised a brow.

"Trouble?"

"You brought a Midgar soldier into my town. I don't care how insignificant the army might think he is, he's still their property and might come after him."

"I honestly don't know what the military has planned or if they even care about him being gone. I can't say for certain what's going to happen. But we hadn't planned on staying here more than the night, I don't think."

"Who's his commanding officer?"

"I… don't know," Leon said uneasily. He didn't like how much Laguna was pressing him as the man seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. He was beginning to get the impression the man had seen a few battles himself. "The last person he had talked to with any sort of rank was General Strahl."

Laguna nearly choked. "General St—You need to leave. Or he does. Or whatever. I don't want that lunatic anywhere near this place. Take blonde-guy out into the desert and leave him there if you want to stay here, but I can't have him here."

"What? I'm not leaving him anywhere. If you don't want us to stay here, that's fine, but I'm not sending him to a death sentence because you tell me to. I don't even fucking know you."

"Look," Laguna sighed, rubbing his brows. "My friends and I have put a lot of work into keeping this place safe over the years but I honestly don't think we'd survive if Sephiroth came here with a fucking army."

"Cloud is just one soldier! What makes you think they'll waste the resources to come after—"

"It's more my fault," Reno chimed from down the hall. Laguna and Leon turned to look at him. The redhead shuffled a foot against the floorboards. "The helicopter is theirs, technically, and we embarrassed Rufus in front of a lot of people. It'd be more of a personal vendetta versus a practical or beneficial one if they decide to come after us. Cloud has nothing to do with it. Well, he did at some point probably, but I sort of jumped to the top of the _Wanted_ list in his place."

"You brought a helicopter here?" Laguna asked with a raised brow.

"It was a convenient way of getting away. I had they keys, after all," Reno said with a shrug. The raven haired man chewed on the inside of his cheek with a deep sigh, running a hand over his face tiredly. He was conflicted, and didn't know if he should kick the whole group out or just selective persons. Either way, he doubted his conscience would let him sleep for it. He took a few minutes to think.

"Whatever. You can stay here tonight. Just… leave in the morning. Hopefully nothing bad happens. I'll let my friends know and they can keep a lookout for us until you're gone."

"Thank you," Leon and Reno said at the same time. Laguna, face full of stress, left them in the hall and headed back downstairs. The redhead went to his friend.

"You look upset," he said.

"What's it mean when you say to someone that it's not okay for them to die and their reaction is 'yeah, whatever'?" Leon asked. Reno furrowed his brows.

"Did Cloud say that?"

"Yeah. I'm concerned."

"Maybe he thinks you don't actually care if he dies or not?"

"I carried him through the desert. If that wasn't a decent indicator of me giving a damn I'm not sure what else I can do."

"Well it's better than thinking he's suicidal."

"I would want to know if he is. And if it's true, it's probably my fault for showing him what he did to Aerith."

"Leon… don't do that to yourself," Reno said.

"Well it's true, isn't it?"

"Stop," the redhead urged, pulling Leon closer and hugging him tightly. The brunette didn't respond right away and stood there stiffly until he couldn't stand it anymore. He eventually reached around and hung onto the back of the other's coat awkwardly and rested his cheek on his shoulder.

"Why do I do this to myself?" he asked blandly. Reno patted his back.

"Do what?"

"…Torture myself?"

"Because you need an explanation for everything. And if you can't think of one, you blame yourself. Did it ever occur to you that he was depressed before he knew it was his fault? If I was him, I probably would be."

"But I made it worse."

"And if you hadn't, you wouldn't have been able to get him to listen to you and that would lead right back into our discussion from before where he would've stayed where he was and died anyway. You can fix this if you think you broke it," Reno said, backing up so Leon would stand upright again. The brunette's face was downtrodden, droopy, utterly depressed and the redhead pushed his brows together sadly. "Don't make that face, you're going to kill me."

"…I'm scared."

"You don't have to be. It'll get better."

"I hope so."

* * *

Cloud hadn't been entirely truthful to Leon. Yes, his memory was fuzzy, but he had caught snippets of the brunette and Reno talking right before Brunhilda came to heal him. The pair had apparently forgotten that they were speaking a language the blonde could understand, and though Cloud didn't hear everything, he heard enough to make him concerned. From what he could gather, Leon had zero backbone and was pretty much a jelly filled sack of uselessness. And Reno, for whatever reason, felt that Cloud belonged to Leon, which the blonde didn't like in the least. The lack of answers to all his questions wasn't helping his opinion on the pair, either, and he was considering using Leon for whatever he wanted to give and then dropping him when there was nothing else to take. It was selfish, he knew, but he didn't see the point in caring if no one cared enough to at least explain anything to him.

He spent almost an hour in the shower, trying to get himself to relax. He was on edge, jittery, and extremely nervous. He knew the withdrawal was closing in on him and that by the next morning he would be utterly dependant on whoever was willing to help. He wouldn't be completely useless, but he would have the physical stability of an arthritic eighty year old and if he needed to do anything quickly, he was pretty well screwed. He didn't like the idea of Leon having to carry him around everywhere. He startled when there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" he called out to whoever it was.

"Is everything okay?" Leon called back to him. He was a little concerned his Charge had passed out. There was steam filtering out from under the bathroom door.

"Yes. Go away."

"Just making sure," the brunette sighed. He stood outside the bathroom door with his forehead pressed into the wood, debating on how he should handle explaining everything to Cloud. The blonde would probably think he was insane or some sort of loony for thinking up such stories, but Leon couldn't find much way around it.

Cloud stayed in the bathroom for another twenty minutes before stepping out into the bedroom with only his pants on. Leon had since moved to his bed and was lying on his stomach in his t-shirt and a pair of black pants the blonde hadn't seen before. Little did he know that Raine had come by not too long before and picked up everyone's laundry and volunteered to wash it all for them since it was obvious they didn't have a change of clothes; Irvine especially. The brunette glanced at him but stayed silent. He didn't know what to say or do around the blonde now that they were being semi-normal together and not in the process of being killed. Cloud sat on the other bed with a grumbling sigh and pulled his shirt on. Leon figured it was better to be awkward than to let the silence suffocate them.

"What questions did you have?" he asked. The blonde glanced over his shoulder.

"I want an explanation for everything. From the beginning."

"It's difficult for me to express what exactly the whole purpose behind everything is because you really need to experience it in order to understand. Forgive me if I can't make it all crystal clear. I would prefer if you just ask me and I'll answer what I can."

"You said I'm supposed to help you. Help you with what?"

"I'm not from here, Cloud. Not from Midgar, not from Balamb, or Esthar, or anywhere else. I'm… essentially from another planet for a lack of a better explanation. And my planet is pretty much a ball of dirt with some people on it. It's mostly dead, and the people are making an effort to fix it. I'm part of that effort and I need help working on it. So I picked you."

Cloud turned around to look at the brunette with furrowed brows. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No. I don't. I know how strange it sounds."

"Strange? How about complete and utter bullshit?"

"I'm not naïve enough to think you would believe me so easily, but it's the truth. I really do need your help."

"So the 'need to' place to go to is back to your… home planet or whatever, yeah?"

"Eventually, yes."

"You're so full of it. What, is the mother ship going to beam me up into the sky and whisk me away to some magical land made of dirt?"

"…I told you it's difficult for you to understand without experiencing it," Leon said with a sigh, burying his face in the pillow. Cloud took in the Carrier's sullen body language with a scowl. He didn't know what to make of the other's moping and he decided quickly that he didn't like it. He wondered how much the mood had to do with him since he could vaguely remember Reno mentioning something about causing the brunette pain. Whatever the reason, it was obvious he wasn't making the situation any better by being a smartass.

"How do you know so much about me?" he asked, almost afraid to know the answer. Leon's heart skipped a beat with the sudden anxiety. He was dreading that question; it was the one that could scare off his Charge. He looked at the blonde with as genuinely truthful of an expression as he could muster.

"I've been watching you for forever. Before you were born, I watched your parents. And before you go off thinking I was doing it in some perverted way; I wasn't. It was most like research. I needed to know that you were healthy and functioning before I met you so that you could be healthy and functioning when we left together. And if you weren't, then I would need to make preparations to accommodate you. I've seen just about everything you've done in your life, which is why I can fill in the holes for you if you want me to. I know you don't remember much from the last few years."

"Yeah, and I don't really _want_ to remember it. But I didn't get that choice, if you recall," Cloud said with an edge of spite to his tone. Leon looked away.

"If I could take that back, I would. I'm sorry I showed you anything. I feel awful."

"Good. I hope you do," the blonde spat. Leon just accepted the anger and didn't argue it. There was a brief silence between them before Cloud spoke again. "How old are you? You're way too young to have watched me grow up."

"I'm twenty-seven."

"Still too young."

"Well, I was born an adult, if you can imagine that. In theory I did about twenty years of growing before I was able to walk around and do stuff, so you _could_ say I'm in my late forties."

"That…"

"Sounds impossible? I know. Again, you'd have to be present for it all to make sense," Leon explained. Cloud stared at him for a moment with his mouth hanging open halfway. He was horrendously confused and sort of wished he hadn't asked anything; it was only making things worse the more the brunette talked.

The rest of Cloud's questioning was very similar to what Rude asked Reno; the purpose of the projects, some of the details surrounding it, what a 'Charge' was, what Leon's home plane was like, and just about every arbitrary detail the blonde could come up with. The fine details, what they would be doing together, the science and technology, and their involvement in the process was not discussed. The brunette tried to explain as much as he could as simply as he could, but sincerely wished they were ready to leave right that instant so he could just show the blonde everything and not have so much doubt pass between them. Cloud hardly understood anything, but acted like he did for a lot of it. He tried to file away some of the details but it eventually got so overwhelming that he just gave up trying. He didn't believe a quarter of what Leon said, so he chocked all the words up to nonsense and left them behind. But by the end of their lengthy discussion, Leon felt a bit better thinking his Charge understood somewhat. Cloud just thought the brunette was a lunatic.

They were both surprised to hear piano music filtering into the room through the door. It was dark out, and seemed like a completely inappropriate time for music, but there it was, defying the logic. Leon and Cloud exchanged confused looks before heading out of the room. They both went to the end of the hallway and looked over the railing to the bar below. The business had opened and a sizeable group of people had shown up for an evening of food, drink, and company. Raine was at the piano playing a jovial tune and there were a couple people dancing together not too far away from her. Laguna was behind the bar with a wide smile as he and Irvine talked. The cadet had cleaned up and looked how Leon remembered him looking, minus the stupid hat.

"Well that's completely annoying," the blonde mumbled. "How the hell do they expect people to sleep with all that racket?"

"I wasn't aware you were going to bed."

"I'm not, it's just the principle."

"It's hardly after dusk. A few hours of having fun aren't going to kill anyone's beauty sleep."

"That isn't fun. It looks pretty boring to me."

"Well what would _you_ do? Go out and get belligerent and fuck a bunch of women you don't know?"

"Sounds okay to me."

"You are just the _worst_ kind of person, you know that?"

"Hey, I'm not the freaky stalker that gets off on watching little kids, okay?"

"I wasn—Augh! I'm going to strangle you. You told me you understood what I was saying."

"I did. I understood the words just fine. I don't agree with any of your reasoning though and think you're a nutcase."

"Then why the hell are you still okay with following me?"

"Because I need to get out of this country."

"So, you're using me."

"Essentially," Cloud said with a nonchalant shrug. With that, Leon's mild optimism went straight down the toilet. He didn't know what say and stared at his Charge wordlessly for several minutes. He eventually gave up and just walked away and back into their room.

He was beginning to think Reno was right and that Cloud wasn't worth the effort, but he stopped himself. It had been a long and taxing day for everyone, and Leon was trying to tell himself that it couldn't get much worse. From that point on it was supposed to get better and the blonde was supposed to be nicer and start listening and understanding more. Maybe after some sleep the rationality would set in and Cloud wouldn't be so hard to be around. The blonde was just saying that he was using him because he was scared of the unknowns and didn't want to admit it, or so Leon told himself. It felt better than thinking about the possibility of his Charge actually leaving. He flopped onto his bed, determined to sleep everything away until morning. He was done thinking.

Of course, he couldn't even ask for that much, because after just a few minutes of solitude, it sounded like a riot had broken out downstairs in the bar. There was a lot of angry yelling and crashing. He couldn't tell who it was until he was out into the hallway again, though he knew he shouldn't have been surprised. The patrons of the bar were not pleased that Cloud had apparently gone down into the gathering space for whatever reason. A table had been overturned with a couple of chairs, and there were three very large and angry men bearing down on the blonde who looked extremely clueless because no one was speaking a language he could understand. There were a couple words being tossed around that even Leon didn't know.

"˲˳˴˴˗˚˚̅˾˾˶̘̐̐̐˯˯!" one of the men screamed, pointing a finger at Cloud.

_That's not… I don't know what they're saying…_ Leon thought. No one was actively fighting and his Charge didn't seemed harmed, so the brunette highly doubted he had done anything to warrant such hostility.

"˺˺˸˳̌˽˽˾˘˚˚!" Laguna yelled at the group. The men hesitated and looked behind themselves at the man behind the bar. Irvine seemed relatively amused by the whole display and sat across from Laguna with a bit of a smile.

"˘˖˖˛˲˾˔˔˚," the cadet said casually. Laguna looked to him with his mouth hanging open in disbelief. The angry men whirled around and looked at Cloud as if he had committed some heinous sin. One man had a glass pint full of what Leon assumed was beer and he hurled it at the blonde. Cloud was quick to cover his face but the glass met his side and shattered, covering his lower half in liquid. The group was on him in an instant and punches were being thrown. Leon rushed down the stairs just in time for Cloud to be knocked backwards as the three assailants started beating the ever living shit out of him. Raine was on her feet yelling for them to stop, the other patrons of the bar were doing nothing but watching, and Laguna seemed conflicted as to whether or not he should step in. Irvine was very happy with himself.

Leon grabbed onto the shoulder of one of the men and pulled him backwards with all of his strength, sending the man sprawling backwards. Another hesitated when he noticed his friend was suddenly missing and looked up at the brunette just as Leon's fist connected with his nose. He could feel the cartilage buckle under his knuckles and the fountain of blood that poured out of the man's face was probably more damage than what was necessary. The last assailant stopped what he was doing to assist his friend, giving Leon the chance to see what damage had been done to his Charge. Aside from a bloodied nose and lip, and some scratches on his arms from the broken glass underneath him, Cloud was fine. Leon helped him to his feet and brushed the glass off his back. Cloud shoved him away and headed back upstairs, the palm of his hand under his nose to stave off the bleeding.

Raine approached Leon and looked him over worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," the Carrier said flatly, moving away from the fray. The other patrons were moving in to help the assailants, taking the injured one away. Laguna watched Raine and Leon carefully as the woman followed the brunette to the stairs.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't apologize to them," Laguna called to her. Raine turned towards her husband with fire in her eyes.

"Be quiet! You know damn well these boys have done nothing wrong! You're just as bad as the rest of them for not helping!"

"Don't give me that, Raine. You know what those monsters do—"

"What I see is a group of young men who asked us for our help. They came unarmed and were completely cordial to us. You have no right to impose your bigotry on them!

"Raine—"

"No more, Laguna. You can run the bar yourself tonight. I'm going to bed after I see how much damage you allowed to break out," the woman said angrily. Laguna stayed silent but was clearly unhappy. He came out from behind the bar to check on everyone and pick up the mess. Raine urged Leon up the stairs and the Carrier led her back to his room where Cloud had taken roost in the bathroom, attempting to get his nose to stop bleeding.

"Thank you. Again," Leon said. She gave him a withering smile as she imposed herself on the blonde in the bathroom and started cleaning him up. Cloud wasn't pleased with any of it and tried to nudge her away but she eventually won out and as allowed to bandage his cuts and clean his face off.

"Most of the people in this town are refugees from Galbadia. There is a lot of animosity, as you can imagine, towards anyone from Midgar. Some of them can't help themselves and your friend wasn't helping things when he mentioned that… I'm sorry, what is your name?" she asked, looking to the blonde.

"Cloud," he clipped.

"Cloud. Your friend made it sound like you had intentions of going out and raping a bunch of women and whatever else. I don't believe for a second that any of it is true, but it doesn't take much to stir up the old wounds and the hate amongst the men; especially when alcohol is involved. I sincerely apologize. But it would be in your best interest if you and your friends could leave here as soon as possible, if for no other reason than to save yourselves the grief," Raine explained.

"What makes you so understanding? Or is this just an act?" Cloud asked angrily.

"I was born here. A lot of the refugees are from Deling City and were there for most of the violence there. I didn't see any of it so it's easier for me to see past it."

"So the language they were speaking…" Leon trailed.

"Galbadian, yes. It's essentially a dead language anywhere else now-a-days. It's just Balamb and Midgar now."

"I see."

"But you should be alright," the woman said, patting Cloud's shoulder with a small smile. "I don't think anything's broken but it's not going to feel very nice for a while. Get some sleep. I have to go rip my husband's spine out and beat him with it," she added, leaving the pair alone. Leon got the feeling that any sort of niceties they had received were mostly influenced by Raine than they were from Laguna. He had a hard time imagining otherwise. He sighed and looked to the blonde.

"Are you alright?" he asked. Cloud nodded.

"Why did you bother helping me?"

"I told you I needed you. I don't know what else I can do to make you believe me, but I'll keep trying," Leon said. The blonde looked him over briefly and sighed.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm going to bed," the Charge grumped, heading out into the bedroom proper. Leon watched him go with a small frown.

"Goodnight Cloud."


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: **HOLY FRAK. I'm sorry, guys.

If you want an explanation as to where the hell I've been, then bop on over to my dA and read my journal. The link is on my profile.

Hopefully I'm okay now.

* * *

Chapter 42

A full night's sleep was too much to ask. Leon silently wondered if there was some sort of imp following him around that brought mischief and damnation along for the ride whenever the Carrier wanted something to go his way. Sometime around dawn, Cloud woke him up. For a moment, the brunette seriously thought the other was masturbating with the way he was breathing and making noise, but when he rolled over to check, he couldn't have been more wrong. The blonde's face was contorted in to a pained, almost worried sort of expression and his breaths were uneven and erratic. Leon was immediately concerned and pulled his groggy self out of bed to see what the problem was.

"Cloud? What's wrong?" he asked with a bit of a mumble, placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder. Cloud didn't respond and kept doing what he was doing. Leon watched him for a few seconds longer and realized that his Charge was still asleep. Cloud was sweating and he rolled over abruptly, pulling the covers around him with tight fistfuls of fabric. Leon sat on the edge of his bed and leaned over him, trying to see his face. "Cloud," he called again, grabbing the other's arm and shaking him a bit harder.

Cloud's eyes flew open and he breathed a loud gasp. He hurriedly tried to sit up, practically shoving Leon out of the bed in the process. He sat, panting heavily, drenched in sweat, and was as white as a ghost. He stared wide eyed in front of himself until he vaguely noticed Leon sitting there staring at him with a look of shock and concern. Cloud couldn't get himself to react right away. The back of his mind told him that he should punch the Carrier for getting so close, but he was more concerned about the horrific set of events his subconscious had made him live through. His dream had been a constant loop of Aerith's death, but with his innocent self sitting on the sidelines watching as his guilty self went about the massacre. There wasn't anything he could do to stop himself and Aerith's screams echoed in his ears even as he sat there, awake and alert. His chest hurt, and the urge to hurl himself out the window to his death was immense.

"Are you alright?" Leon asked for what seemed like the millionth time in less than twenty-four hours. Cloud was shaking and lifted a quivering hand to his face to rub his eyes. He looked absolutely terrified to the Carrier and Leon was clueless as to what to do to help. His Charge's demeanor reminded him of when they were in his cell together after he had shown the blonde what he had done to Aerith; that same sort of expression that made him seem so much younger than what he really was. Leon waited for an answer, but when he didn't get one, he racked his brain for ways he could help. He remembered Reno and decided to try what the redhead always did for him when he was having a rough moment. He scooted forward and pulled Cloud to him by his shoulders, hugging him tightly. Cloud's posture stiffened and he didn't make an effort to take advantage of the comfort.

"What are you…" the blonde trailed, his voice hardly above a whisper. There was too much going on in his head for him to focus properly.

"I won't tell anyone if you need a minute to be scared," Leon said, resting a cheek against the top of Cloud's head. The blonde sat there awkwardly for a moment, hazily debating on how he felt about the situation. It was uncomfortable, but no more uncomfortable than being carried in the desert had been. It took him a while, but he eventually hugged Leon back loosely.

"It's your fault I'm like this…" the Charge trailed emptily. The Carrier furrowed his brows together sadly. "I hate you," Cloud mumbled, grabbing onto Leon's shirt from behind and pushing his face into his chest. The brunette didn't know what to make of the situation so he just held tight and waited for Cloud to pull away. For the blonde, the environment was bittersweet. He didn't necessarily like that he felt so helpless and weak, but he didn't deny it. He needed someone. He had no one. But Leon was there and pretty much his only option for comfort despite how much the Carrier had put him through. Leon had already been there for when Cloud was at his worst, so there wasn't much more the blonde could do to make the Carrier look down on him any more than he already did, or so Cloud felt. Taking a few minutes to be a scared little kid was the least of his sins.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back," Leon said quietly with a tiny sigh. Cloud held onto him for a few moments longer before he pulled away and sat up. He glared at the brunette and gave him a shove.

"Okay I'm done, go away," he clipped. The Carrier didn't react and just went back to his bed and lay down again. Cloud kept telling himself that Leon was his only option for comfort and that their situation was temporary. Once he was out of Midgar, he planned on dropping the Carrier like a hot potato and would never look back. But part of him wondered why he was even able to gain any comfort from the Carrier in the first place. Even if Leon was the only person willing to be around him for more than a few minutes, it didn't mean that it should've been that easy. It made him feel like a child, and he didn't like it.

Leon tucked their little moment away in the confines of his memory and stuck to his word and didn't bring it up to anyone; not even Reno. He didn't sleep very much for the rest of the morning and watched Cloud once the Charge fell asleep again. He didn't know what time it was or what the plan was once they all needed to leave, so he simply waited for someone to come retrieve them. Reno was the one to do it. The redhead gently pushed the door open and peeked inside. Leon was sitting up, awake, and paying most of his attention to the blonde, his expression neutral, but not distressed, which was a bonus.

"It's time to get up," the redhead said quietly. Leon looked to him and nodded a bit.

"Do we have a plan?" he asked.

"Well, hopefully we'll be able to fly all the way to Balamb without any problems."

"You have enough fuel for that?"

"Lifestream fuel cells take forever to drain, dude. We're fine. It doesn't make the 'copter go any faster, mind you, but it can keep it going for a long time."

"Okay, well, what if we do run into problems?"

"Laguna says he's going to help us out. I have no idea what he has for us, but it's more than what we have now, that's for sure."

"Oh."

"I heard about what happened last night. Are you guys okay?" Reno asked. Leon nodded.

"Yeah."

"Your friend is sort of a dick."

"He's not really my friend. He was more of an acquaintance than anything, and he sort of ruined that so… yeah, he can fall in a ditch. Whatever. Cloud's okay, and Irvine has his reasons, so we're not much worse for wear."

"That's awfully passive of you."

"I'm tired of all the hostility. I just want to leave," Leon said with a sigh. He rubbed his forehead, his fingers running over the still healing gash on his face. It still hurt, but not as much as it once did. It also didn't bleed every time the skin around it moved anymore, which was a positive sign.

"Yeah, well, we're working on that," Reno said. He looked behind himself for a moment and muttered something to someone who was in the hallway. He was handed a bundle by Raine and he took it into Leon's room and set it on the bed. It was the Carrier's uniform. The woman went to the end of the hall where Irvine's room was and knocked on the door. The cadet answered and said his thanks. There was a resounding _slap_ that echoed down the hall and Reno and Leon looked to one another before going to the doorway and peeking out into the hall. Raine was angry, and glared up at Irvine's face, which had the reddening imprint of her hand on the cheek.

"You should be ashamed of yourself for what you did yesterday. I don't want you back in my establishment ever again, do I make myself clear?" she spat. Irvine stared at her, open mouthed, dumbfounded. She didn't wait for an answer and left him, pushing a piece of hair over her shoulder with a huff. She smiled at Reno and Leon as she walked past and disappeared around the corner. Irvine went back into his room quietly. The redhead snorted and laughed.

"Get a load of the ovaries on _that_ one, yeah? Damn."

"Well that made my morning a little brighter," Leon said and stepped back into his bedroom.

"I get the feeling she wears the pants in the relationship and only lets Laguna borrow them for public appearances."

"Or he does and she steals them from him when he does something stupid. That, to me, would hurt my pride more. I'd never know when it was coming," the brunette said, taking up his uniform.

"That's a very good point. Anyway, we're all getting together for breakfast downstairs in a bit. We'll discuss what we're doing then," Reno said. Leon nodded.

"We'll be down in a few," the brunette assured. The redhead took his leave, closing the door behind him quietly. Leon went to Cloud and nudged his shoulder a few times until the blonde grunted at him. "Time to get up."

"No," came the very curt reply. Leon nudged him around some more until Cloud had had enough and reached back and smacked his arm. "Stop touching me."

"It's time to get up. We're going to breakfast and then we're leaving. You can starve if you want to, but I'm not leaving you behind."

"Fine," Cloud grumped, rolling onto his stomach and smashing his face into his pillow. He had been awake for all of four seconds and could already feel himself getting sick. He heard the bathroom door opening as Leon attempted to go in and get changed. He turned his face to see and his vision started to blur a little. "Hang on," he said. Leon stopped and looked at him with a raised brow. Cloud shakily pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands.

"Are you alright?" the brunette asked. The blonde shook his head, his stomach making a strange burbling noise. Leon looked him over with concern, but didn't have a chance to do much for him before the blonde was on his feet and making a mad dash for the toilet. The door slammed shut in the Carrier's face and Leon blinked at it a few times. He frowned when Cloud started retching. He had forgotten about the withdrawal. He had no idea how to help, either. He considered finding Reno or possibly even Raine to see if they could give him some insight. He changed back into his cadet uniform and was prepared to rush downstairs to find some help when Cloud reemerged from the bathroom and flopped back onto his bed with a grunt.

"Just leave me here," the blonde mumbled against the mattress. He felt like his innards were boiling and bubbling around inside him. Breakfast wasn't in his equation; the very thought made him nauseous. Even thinking about flying in the helicopter made him queasy.

"Not happening," Leon said firmly. "What can I do to help you?"

"I don't know."

"What are you feeling?"

"Sick."

"…Specifics, Cloud."

"Headache, barfy, weak, and my chest hurts," Cloud muttered. Leon knelt on the floor in front of him and pressed his cheek against the blonde's temple, attempting to gauge his temperature. He felt a little warm to Leon, which he almost expected, but not so feverish that he felt he should flip out. "Why are you molesting me? Stop it."

"I wasn't molesting you, I was checking your temperature. You're okay for now. But if you don't want to eat, that's fine. I'll be back for you in a bit."

"Whatever," Cloud grumbled, groggily pulling himself up into his pillows.

Leon left him there and headed down into the main bar area where the rest of the group was milling about waiting for breakfast. There was a cook top behind the bar where Laguna and Raine were busy getting the meal together. The only one who wasn't present aside from Cloud was Irvine which Leon was somewhat thankful for. The brunette went to sit next to Reno at the bar. The redhead smiled at him.

"Where's our golden ray of sunshine?"

"Right now? In bed. He's sick," Leon said, folding his arms on the bar and resting his cheek on them while looking at Reno.

"Does that mean we have to babysit him?"

"You don't have to do anything. I'm not even sure there's anything to do for him in the first place. He's Mako sick. At least I hope that's what it is, otherwise I have no idea."

"Ah. I see."

"Just have to make sure he stays hydrated," Leon said, sitting up as Raine set a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of him with a bowl of fruit. He raised a brow at it and wondered if he was really looking at what he was looking at or if he was going to eat it and find out it's actually ice cream or something else foreign. The food in Plane 087 confused him to no end. Sometimes it was all perfectly normal, but then sometimes it was supposed to be one thing but turned out to be another. Either way, the fruit was usually fruit so he nudged that towards Reno and the redhead pushed his eggs towards him. Rude watched the exchange with a disgruntled expression. Laguna turned to speak to them and noticed the switch, but didn't comment.

"If you're going out and expecting to make it to Balamb without any problems, you guys are way too naïve to have left your mothers. My friends and I have some supplies we can spare to hopefully give you an edge," the man said. His tone was a bit forced and it was clear it was hurting a bit to offer them assistance. A quick glance behind him and Raine could be seen practically searing a hole into the back of his head with her piercing glare.

"Well that's awfully generous," Reno said with an overly happy, almost teasing tone as he leaned against the counter and smiled up at Laguna. Leon elbowed him in the side to get him to stop antagonizing. Reno laughed a bit and continued eating.

It wasn't long before Irvine came down and joined them. He sat at the end of the bar away from the rest of them. Laguna went to strike up a conversation with him; possibly to share the anti-Midgar propaganda. Leon ignored them and thanked Rained for the meal before heading back upstairs. Cloud wasn't in the bedroom proper but the bathroom door was open slightly. The Carrier peeked into the room where his Charge was sitting on the floor across from the toilet, his hand on his chest. His breathing was forced, deep, and uneven. Leon furrowed his brows and went to sit next to him.

"It's hard to breathe," Cloud whispered, closing his eyes.

"Like you're short of breath or does it just hurt?"

"Both. I have to think in order to breathe normal, but it still doesn't feel like I'm getting enough air."

"I wish there was something to do for you, but until we get somewhere with more medical equipment, there's nothing I can think of," Leon said, pushing his fingers into the soft flesh under his Charge's jaw to feel his pulse. The beat was erratic, starting and stopping at seemingly random impulses. It was worrisome, to say the least. "I need to get you out of here," he mumbled, mostly to himself.

"To where?" Cloud asked. The Carrier didn't have much of an answer for him that was of any worth. Ideally, they would head back to Leon's home plane where he knew they could get legitimate cardiac care for the blonde. That would come eventually, but in the meantime, he didn't know where they would stop. He couldn't remember seeing any sort of monitors or equipment _anywhere_ that they could use; not even in Balamb.

"I'll figure it out eventually," the brunette said.

"_Great_," came the sarcastic reply with a roll of aquamarine eyes. He swallowed thickly, the bile rolling around in the back of his throat and threatening to come back to haunt him again. He slowly scooted towards the toilet again, burping a little.

"Does it feel like you'll stop vomiting any time soon?" Leon asked. Cloud glanced at him with a little glare.

"What the fuck kind of question is that? Of course it doesn't."

"I meant like… since you've done it a few times, do you feel any better? Or is it just staying the same?"

"The same," Cloud blurted a split second before his body started to backfire with dry heaves. Leon patted his back, genuinely upset by the situation. The blonde took a few minutes to wait for his stomach to stop trying to leap out his throat before he shook the brunette's hand off him. "Stop touching me."

"Sorry," Leon mumbled, folding his hands in his lap. Cloud sat back and rested his arm on the toilet bowl and his forehead on his hand.

"Can… wherever we're going make me better?" the blonde muttered miserably.

"Which 'wherever' are we talking about? My home? Or Balamb."

"The mother ship."

"Yes. I have resources there that can help you. Hopefully by the time we get there, most, if not all of the Mako should be out of your system. Then we just need to worry about repairing the damage."

"Okay," Cloud grunted, his stomach gurgling. He was still skeptical of the legitimacy of Leon's story, but at that point, he was ready to try anything that might make him feel normal again. He would watch the Carrier closely and judge how honest he seemed with everything. If there was any second guessing on the blonde's end, he would drop Leon just as he had initially planned. If it looked like something good might come of their partnership, then he would use Leon for his aid and _then_ drop him. It was a fine line he would be walking between the two and he had to be vigilant. But vigilance was difficult for him to focus on since his innards were waging war with one another inside him.

An hour's worth of sitting on the bathroom floor passed before Cloud's nausea started to subside. Leon got him to drink a few glasses of water and by that point, Reno was coming to tell them it was time to get going. The blonde Charge was incredibly weak and required his Carrier's help to get up from the floor. He teetered in place a bit on wobbly legs before Leon insisted he be carried again. Cloud didn't have the strength to argue and flopped onto the brunette's back with an obvious wound in his pride. Everyone, along with Laguna, had filed down into the main gathering space in the bar and they all looked to the pair as Leon hefted them both down the stairs. The Carrier didn't acknowledge that anything was off and just walked alongside the group as if carrying Cloud around was completely normal. They all headed outside where two more men met them.

"Everyone, these are my good friends Kiros and Ward," Laguna introduced with a wide smile, gesturing to the pair. Kiros, a tall, thin, dark-skinned man gave them a smile. Ward, a huge wall of a man with a thick jagged scar on his face, simply grunted.

"I really wish I understood what was going on," Cloud mumbled into Leon's shoulder. The blonde was lost in a sea of language he couldn't comprehend.

"I'll let you know if there's anything important to know," the Carrier mumbled back.

"We're willing to share some of our supplies, so long as you don't use them in the city unless absolutely necessary. Ward and I have been out on patrols since you all dropped in and have yet to see anything, but that means nothing," Kiros chimed.

"What sorts of supplies do you have? We can just take some water from here, if that's all it is," Reno asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder to the bar. He still had a few bottles shoved into the backpack and was already bringing that with them.

"Well that helicopter of yours isn't exactly equipped for defense, now is it?" Laguna asked rhetorically. Everyone looked surprised. The raven haired man raised a brow. "What, you all thought this place was kept safe just because we asked Midgar nicely to go away?"

"That's… _really_ generous of you," Reno said with genuine thanks in his voice.

"Well, I'll be honest. I was prepared to let you all leave and take your chances with the desert. But, my wife made a very good point yesterday after she was done chewing me out. You all obviously aren't here to hurt us, so why be so hostile? Granted, not everyone in this town shares her sentiments, but as far as me and mine go, we're okay. Or at least okay enough to lend you a hand."

"You're so whipped," Kiros chuckled. Laguna punched him in the shoulder.

"You don't understand how scary a woman can be until you marry one."

"Whatever you say."

"_Anyways_," Laguna blurted, giving his friend a glare. Ward had a wide smile plastered across his face as he watched the exchange. He remained silent, and Leon was wondering if he even had the ability to talk. There was another scar on his neck that seemed rather unpleasant. Laguna continued on after a short pause. "Follow us if you want your stuff," he said, heading off towards the main gate of the town.

Down an overgrown path that branched off of the main road, was a tiny ramshackle house. It looked like it had seen better days with its rotting exterior, crumbling hinges precariously holding the door and stutters up, and rickety support beams. Leon was relieved when they weren't going inside. They went around back to a shed that looked just as old as the house did, but was much more stable. It looked as if someone had come along at some point and reinforced the exterior. Laguna pulled the resistant door open and stepped back with a sweep of his arm, gesturing for everyone to go in. Kiros and Ward went in without a word, clicking on a dim light as they went.

Inside the shed was a staircase. Down the staircase, there was a basement. But it wasn't a normal basement. It was a literal concrete bunker filled to the brim with weaponry. There were racks upon racks of guns of varying shapes and sizes, swords of every type, and several other less conventional melee weapons Leon couldn't even imagine the names of. Everyone was speechless and stared at the room with dumbfounded expressions. Irvine was the first to speak, but even then, the only noise he could make was a strangled squeak that teetered somewhere between an orgasm and suffocating. He practically floated across the space to where a large sniper rifle was sitting peacefully on a tripod. He laid his hands on it and pressed his cheek against it with a giddy sigh.

"You're not going to try to fuck it, are you?" Reno blurted.

"I might," Irvine said, standing again and running his fingertips over the gun's mechanics. Leon looked around. Most of what he could recognize seemed the same as what was in Balamb, but with slight aesthetic changes. The Carrier was willing to bet they were weapons that had come from Galbadia at one point. There were a few that were of Midgar design, probably pilfered from the occasional convoy for the sake of keeping up the inventory, but it was mostly Galbadian.

"Damn it," Cloud sighed. Leon raised a brow.

"What?" he asked. The blonde pointed out from under the Carrier's arm. On the far wall was a Buster Sword that was rusted, chipped, and beat to hell and back. Cloud made a pathetic whining noise and groped the air a bit. "What's your problem? You're in no condition to be worrying about that thing," Leon said. Cloud sighed and let his arm drop again.

"It looks so sad," he whined.

"It does," Leon agreed.

"Take it with us."

"No."

"Please?"

"Why should I?"

"I want to nurse it back to health."

"No," the Carrier sighed with a roll of his eyes.

"But—"

"No. Be quiet."

"But—"

"Do you want me to drop you?"

"Not really, no."

"Then shut up," Leon grumbled. He had a hard time believing that Cloud was being serious. The only other alternative explanation for the whining was that he was purposefully being a pain in the ass, which the brunette had little patience for. When he turned away from the dilapidated blade, the blonde let out a bit of a dejected sigh. The Carrier supposed that the immature display was Cloud's way of saying his pride was dead; which it was. It made him feel less like he should drop him in a mud puddle.

Laguna provided them with a few firearms, ammunition, a couple medium sized swords and some emergency equipment that the helicopter was lacking. It had parachutes, but there was nothing to help them if they happened to land in the water, so they were given a life raft that may or may not inflate when they needed it to. It was fairly old and had been sitting in the bunker for a few years, so there was a chance it was completely useless, but it was better than nothing. He also gave them some water and a bit of food to hold them off until they got somewhere they could land. Leon couldn't eat any of it without getting sick, but he didn't say anything. When they exited the bunker to load everything in the helicopter, the sky had darkened significantly with deep gray clouds.

"Looks like rain," Laguna said, looking up. "Let's hurry and get this stuff loaded before we all get soaked," he added, hurrying off towards the main path. Everyone except Leon was carrying something weapon related, so the Carrier hung back and let them all go ahead.

"Where was the rain when I was dying yesterday?" Cloud grumbled.

"It's the desert, Cloud. If it rains, it'll be for four seconds and then it'll be gone again. I doubt it would've helped much. Besides, you should get used to dry heat. You'll be seeing a lot of it for pretty much the rest of your life once we leave here," Leon said.

"Ugh, why?"

"Because from where I come from, outside of our cities is pretty much all desert. But the places that matter to us most will be _like_ a desert, but with a few trees, some grass, and more dirt than sand."

"…Why exactly is it a good idea to go there, again?"

"Because it's my home, asshole."

"Oh, so we're going back there to die of heat stroke and play in the dirt. _Wonderful!_ Sounds like a party! I'll bring the beer."

"Fuck you. Your home isn't much better."

"At least I get to stand on grass."

"Right, and afterward you get to go work for a guy that rapes people."

"Yep. But grass is still too nice to give up," Cloud said snidely. Truthfully, he really wasn't fond of his world at that point in his life. He didn't give two damns about the nature or what the climate was like, but he still felt compelled to argue with Leon. Call it pride or a pissing match, but he just had an off feeling about the brunette that wouldn't go away. He still didn't trust him, he didn't really like him, and he most certainly didn't like being babied by him, but he couldn't deny that being around Leon was a lot better than being around Sephiroth. He wondered if he would feel bad about using the Carrier to get out of the country. Regardless of whether or not he did or didn't, he did feel he would get over it.

The rain started to pour once everything was loaded into the helicopter and secured. Leon's arms felt like they were going to fall off by that point so he climbed into the machine and set Cloud down. The blonde stretched his stiff limbs and sat while staring at the floor tiredly. The rain was supposed to only last a few minutes, but as time ticked by, it didn't relent. Reno was more than okay with it and stood outside in the downpour, smiling up at the sky. Rude just watched him from under a tree with a raised brow. Irvine had retreated to under another tree with Laguna, Kiros, and Ward, and they were talking amongst themselves.

"How are you feelings?" Leon asked, looking to his Charge. Cloud shrugged.

"Like I'm dying."

"You seem pretty casual about that."

"I can't do anything to stop it," Cloud said, glancing at the brunette. He held his hands up some and watched them shake involuntarily. He eventually sighed and set them in his lap again. "I hate this."

"It's not exactly my favorite thing, either."

"Do you know when I'm supposed to be over it?"

"No idea. I sort of forgot to ask someone, too."

"Some nurse you are. You're fired."

"Fine. Get out of the helicopter and walk your happy ass back to Midgar."

"I never said you were fired from being my mode of transportation, just my nurse. I need to get you a saddle."

"No thanks. You can walk."

"But I'm supposed to be your Changeling or something."

"My Charge," Leon said with a bit of a laugh.

"Right. Whatever," Cloud said with a dismissive wave.

"And because you're my Charge, I'm supposed to be your vehicle?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Cloud, that's quite forward of you. I didn't know you wanted to ride me that badly. Perhaps we should reconsider what we're really doing here," the brunette said, looking over his shoulder at the blonde and raising his eyebrows. Cloud wasn't amused and scowled at him. He raised a leg and shoved his boot into the Carrier's shoulder. Leon laughed.

"That's disgusting. You're disgusting. Don't say shit like that to me," the blonde growled threateningly. Leon raised a hand defensively and shrugged the shoe off his shoulder.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. It was a joke."

"Damn right it was. If I ever get any indication that was even halfway serious, I will slit your fucking throat."

"Whoa, hostile. Calm down."

"Don't talk about me like that."

"Okay," Leon sighed with a roll of the eyes.

There was a low rumble that echoed over the pattering of rainfall. Everyone turned to look in the sound's direction only to see another helicopter crest over the trees. It was exactly like the one Reno and Rude had 'borrowed' and was flying low enough to not be too bothered by the rain. The tension in the air rose as it slowly landed several yards away from them. Reno and Rude seemed more worried than everyone else as they recognized Tseng and Elena through the cockpit windows. The pair exited the bird once shutting everything off. They didn't seem like they were there to harm anyone and casually strolled towards them with their hands in their pockets, completely ignoring the weather. Reno and Rude went to join them under everyone else's scrutinizing gaze.

"Did Rufus send you two?" Rude asked when they met. Elena shrugged.

"Technically, yes. He's got a major stick up his ass about what happened. You guys basically dick slapped him in front of everyone, you know," she said. Reno laughed a bit.

"Yeah, we kind of did."

"Why? You never said anything to us. Why did you turn all of a sudden?" Tseng chimed. The redhead looked at the ground and shifted his weight back and forth a few times. He took a minute to think of the right words before looking at the pair again. He sighed.

"Rude and I needed to leave. It has nothing to do with Rufus personally. We just needed to get out of Midgar, is all. And… well… Rufus had a lot of resources we could use."

"Were you in trouble? You could've asked us—"

"It's a bit more involved than that and it's nothing bad, so there wasn't anything we could've asked from you guys. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't."

"Well, regardless of the reason, he's got you on his shit list now. He and Sephiroth have been talking a lot for the last couple days and he's pretty much giving the go-ahead for that nutjob to come after you guys. All of you," Elena said, motioning towards the rest of the group. Reno looked behind himself at Leon and Cloud who were watching them curiously from the helicopter. The redhead turned back to his friends.

"Do you know what Sephiroth is preparing to do?"

"Rufus let him have whatever he wanted from the facility. He even gave him a red materia. You're in deep shit, guys."

"All this because we stole a helicopter?" Rude asked.

"We embarrassed him," Reno said. Reputation was everything to Rufus. It wasn't much of a stretch to think he would take such a drastic turn if it meant covering up the mess before anyone else found out about it. It did seem rather demeaning to be betrayed by the people someone paid to keep them safe. Probably the biggest hit was that he never saw it coming. To a man that had everything under control twenty-four-seven, it would've been the ultimate insult. Reno just didn't think he'd be so quick to whip out the red materia. They were in serious trouble.

"I always thought he was a bit more rational than that. Sending so much power after us seems a bit extreme," Rude said.

"It was embarrassment after several weeks of me walking the line between his good side and his bad side, if you remember. He wasn't exactly pleased with me in the first place. I sort of not surprised," Reno sighed sadly.

"Sephiroth is after the 'blonde faggot' specifically," Elena said, looking around Rude to the helicopter where Leon and Cloud were. She pointed at the blonde. "I assume that's the blonde faggot."

"Sephiroth wants everyone dead. I'm sure he would've killed his own child if it sneezed on him," Tseng said, rolling his eyes. Reno laughed some.

"Anyway. You passed the message along. Are you going to try to take us in, now?" he asked, sounding a bit sad. He really didn't want to fight.

"Nah, we're here to help you. Rufus sent us along to find and kill you before he had to waste money chasing after you. He's my boss, not my friend. I have loyalty towards him because he signs my paycheck. If all you're doing is trying to get out of this fuckhole of a country, then I'm all for it," Elena said. Tseng nodded in agreement.

"I feel the same way. We had three hours to get ahead and find you. We used two and a half of them to get here, so Sephiroth and whatever he's bringing with him are probably right behind us. I hope your friends are prepared," he said. Reno looked over his shoulder at the group.

"Yeah… I hope we are too."


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N:** Sorry again for the long wait. Same reasons as before; just for longer periods.

I could apologize a million times and it wouldn't be enough. Thanks for sticking with me and all the encouragement!

* * *

Chapter 43

"What's a red materia supposed to do?" Leon asked confusedly. Reno had joined him and Cloud in the helicopter and explained the foreboding news. To the brunette's surprise, when the redhead opened his mouth to answer his question, it was the blonde's voice that came out.

"It's a Summon," Cloud blurted. The russet Carrier raised a brow.

"Which is?" he asked.

"Well, let me put it this way," Reno said, folding his arms over his chest with a thoughtful expression. "Materia function a lot like Mako reactors, or so I was told. They suck Lifestream energy up and keep it within themselves for the person carrying it to use however they please. Most materia are a blue or green color because of the Lifestream and how much energy it has left to use before it needs to be filled again. Red materia, as I understand, are different. They don't hold any energy in them, but instead, pull huge amounts of energy from the Lifestream directly when the person needs it. That big surge of energy leaving that particular spot causes a bit of a chain reaction."

"You're getting technical and boring with it," Cloud said, rolling his eyes. Leon looked between the two curiously. "Basically when all that energy is yanked out of the ground, Eden gets really pissed and shoves something up through the dirt to come get it back."

"That was a terrible explanat—" Reno started.

"You follow Eden?" Leon interrupted, looking to Cloud with a raised brow. The blonde shook his head.

"I'm aware of her. I couldn't give two damns otherwise."

"Okay, and when you say she 'shoves something through the dirt,' what do you mean?"

"They're called Guardian Forces in Balamb because the majority of people there believe that they are Guardians of the Lifestream. Eden sends them up to protect herself when enormous amounts of energy are all of a sudden missing from the Lifestream," Reno interjected. Cloud gave him a dirty look for disrupting. The redhead ignored him and continued. "Depending on how much energy is missing delegates which Guardian Force goes up to investigate. Midgar figured out the system and crafted materia that take in specific amounts so they can summon certain guardians as they please, thus the term 'Summon.' They're sort of like demi-gods if you want to get religious about it. But the system isn't a hundred percent accurate because it's all still relatively new technology and Eden doesn't always respond."

"Yeah, okay, that doesn't tell me much. What is a Summon? Like… physically. Is it a giant magical cat or person or something?" Leon persisted.

"We don't really know until it gets here," Cloud said. "All I know is that I was always told to get my ass as far away as possible if someone was going to use one. They're out of control and start destroying shit as soon as they're here."

"That's not necessarily true," Reno said. "There are people in this world that can call these things naturally as a form of defense, supposedly. When they're called by a person, they're civil and actually work alongside them to help with whatever is happening. When they're called by materia, they're destructive. It's like the police force. Piss it off by stealing its stuff and you have a problem, but if you ask nicely, it'll help."

"Well whatever. It doesn't matter. Even if Sephiroth could call one by himself, he's fucked in the head enough to make it blow shit up anyway," Cloud said.

"You'd think these things would go on a rampage on Mako reactors if they're really supposed to be guarding the Lifestream," Leon said.

"Summons are part of the reason a lot of the cities Midgar has tried to take over have just been leveled instead of anything productive happening. They're becoming less and less frequent because they, just like everything else on this planet, need the Lifestream to function. So, over the years, it's gotten easier for Midgar to just walk in and plop down a reactor without much damage initially because the Lifestream is so weak. Wutai, for instance, was completely obliterated right when the war started because they were one of the first countries Midgar decided to take. Who knows if Sephiroth will be able to call something with the materia? It could just be a dud and he could make an ass of himself," Reno said.

"I'd rather not take that chance with an innocent city four feet away," Leon grumbled.

"Yeah, we need to get out of here. Tseng and Elena are talking to Laguna and company."

"We're still fucked no matter what we do. Even if we stop it from hurting anyone here, they'll still come after us," Cloud said. He took a deep shaking breath and slouched against the dividing wall between the cockpit and the cabin. He furrowed his brows in discomfort and rubbed his chest a bit. He was drained and the approaching threat wasn't helping him be very positive about the rest of the day. In the back of his mind, though, he was sort of hoping they happened upon a few soldiers. Midgar soldiers carried Mako with them. Mako meant feeling better to Cloud. He wasn't above pilfering some off some dead soldier's carcass, or at least, not in his current state. Perhaps later he would realize how desperate and pathetic the action sounded, but right then, he didn't care.

"Are you okay?" Leon asked, looking the blonde over carefully.

"No! I'm not fucking okay! Stop asking! Fuck!" Cloud barked angrily. Reno laughed.

"Oh, his vocabulary is _so_ extensive," he said. Leon sighed. The blonde closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, rasping hoarse breaths that could be heard over the rainfall. The russet Carrier tried to scoot over to him and see what the problem was, but as soon as he got close enough, Cloud shoved him away. Reno watched the exchange curiously. To him, Leon looked _crushed_. The expression lasted hardly a second before it turned neutral again and the brunette moved away. Cloud's moodiness was getting tiresome for everyone involved.

"Sound the alarm and get everyone underground," Laguna said loud enough for everyone to hear. Ward and Kiros nodded and started jogging down the path back towards the city.

"What about you guys?" Irvine chimed.

"We're fighting, of course. We're not going to just let these jackasses walk in here."

"We're leaving," Tseng said.

"No, no, no, you all need to stay here. The more defenses you have, the better. Don't worry about us; we can handle it," Laguna said with a dismissive wave of his hand. His words were kind, but his face was uncertain. With that, he headed off back towards the supply bunker.

There was an overwhelming feeling of doom that settled over the crowd as they were left alone. Cloud was just about the only one unaware of it as he had his own problems to deal with for the moment. Reno left the pair in the helicopter to go talk to Rude, Tseng, and Elena. Leon watched his Charge hold his chest with a pained expression, hoping that whatever was coming for them wasn't enough to blow them to pieces. A series of bells started to toll, causing an upheaval of activity in Winhill as its populace scrambled to get to safety. Kiros and Ward came back with a small troupe of men following behind them. They all seemed like fairly rough-and-tumble sort of people and they broke away from the main pair to head off towards the supply bunker where Laguna was. Their presence wasn't enough to ease the mood.

"You're going to need this," Reno piped from the entrance of the helicopter. Leon turned to look at him and was handed a sword. He frowned and set it next to himself, paying more attention to Cloud than anything else. The blonde was wheezing as he struggled to catch his breath.

"_I'm scared,_" Leon admitted to the redhead in their native tongue, his eyes glued to his Charge. Reno raised a brow.

"_Of which part?_"

"_Losing him_."

"_Well he's not dead yet. Don't think about it too much._"

"_I'm worried_."

"_I know you are. Didn't you say you had a friend that went through this, though? He's okay now, right?_"

"_Zack had peace during his withdrawal. He fled and went into hiding. He wasn't dragged through the desert and forced into fights as far as I'm aware. This is different_."

"The fuck are you two saying?" Cloud asked hoarsely, his annoyance and patience reaching their limits. He opened his eyes to glare at them. He focused more on Leon since the brunette was staring at him.

"Nothing," Reno and Leon said in tandem. The redhead hefted himself back into the helicopter and scooted up behind the brunette. He wrapped the russet Carrier in a tight hug around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. Leon shifted his attention to the floor so he wouldn't have to see the look of absolute _disgust_ on Cloud's face.

"_Look at him, he's all twitchy_," Reno said, watching Cloud stare at them strangely. Leon didn't make a move to return any of the redhead's affection and simply sighed.

"_He's allergic to gay,_" he said flatly.

"_Oh. We're gay together, now? Well, if he insists…_"

"_Stop it._"

"_Relax. He can go fuck himself if he can't accept what we are,_" Reno said.

"_And what are we, exactly?_"

"_Brothers. Or so I thought._"

"_Oh. Okay._"

"_What did you think we were_?"

"_I'm not sure,_" Leon said with a bit of a sigh.

Before Reno could come up with a witty retort, there was a disturbance at Winhill's front threshold. Where the sand stopped and the foliage started, a large dust cloud was building. Birds escaped from the trees and flew through the rain in the opposite direction. Reno abandoned Leon and Cloud in the helicopter and hurried off to give his other friends notice. The foursome got into a heated discussion before Tseng and Elena broke away from the other two and headed off down the path towards the commotion. Leon got up and went to close up the helicopter. He locked the doors tightly and sat back down with a sigh.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Cloud asked angrily, struggling to push himself up into a better sitting position.

"Giving us somewhere to hide out in until we have no choice but to do something," Leon said.

"So you're just going to sit in here like a pussy and let all your weird friends die?"

"…They're not going to die," the brunette said. He wasn't entirely convinced that was the truth but he was far more concerned about keeping Cloud safe than he was himself or anyone else. He was aware it made him look like a coward. In essence, he was one.

"You're fucking useless," Cloud spat.

"What do you want me to do, Cloud? Go out there and draw attention to myself? Where does that leave you? If I die, you die. No one else here gives two shits about you and they sure as hell aren't going to protect you in my stead. Even if you weren't here, I'd be hesitant to do anything. I don't like fighting. I don't want any blood on my hands."

"Useless."

"Stop saying that."

"Useless."

"Do you _want_ me to leave you to die?"

"Yes."

"Cloud…" Leon said worriedly, pushing his brows together in concern.

"What's the point of protecting someone that's already dying?" the blonde asked. He coughed a few times as his breath got caught in his chest.

"You're not dying."

"Yeah well, I'd rather die than stay like this."

"This isn't permanent."

"So you say. I have yet to see any concrete evidence that you are what you say you are and that you really can help me. Until I get some, this is how I feel. Fucking deal with it," Cloud mumbled. Leon scooted towards him and reached out a hand to pat his shoulder and give him some encouragement. The blonde smacked it away. "Don't fucking touch me. You're disgusting."

Leon watched him for a couple minutes, his chest feeling like it had a hole blown through it. Cloud was exhausted with the effort of conversation and shakily let himself slide down the wall to the side until he could lie on the floor of the helicopter and try to catch his breath. The brunette sat quietly until it was clear the blonde wasn't going to talk to him anymore. He unlocked the door and shuffled out of the helicopter with a heavy heart. He closed the door behind himself and leaned against it with a sigh.

"What are you doing out here?" Reno asked, approaching him with Rude in tow.

"Cloud doesn't want me in there with him," Leon said flatly.

"What? Why?"

"Well, I guess I'm a coward, useless, and disgusting."

"Oh. Well that seems like a reasonable sort of mentality. Excuse me," Reno said, reaching to open the helicopter again. Leon put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to castrate him."

"Name calling isn't that big of a deal, Reno."

"It's a buildup of things. I'm just tired of seeing you miserable."

"Well, regardless, I need his testicles. Leave him alone."

"You're too forgiving."

"Don't start," Leon said with a roll of his eyes. "What happened to your friends?"

"Tseng and Elena? They went ahead to see what's happening and if they could stall and give us a little more time. Laguna and his random team of guys haven't come back yet. We're sort of totally outnumbered," Reno said. Leon stepped away from the helicopter and started walking around it. Rude and the redhead followed. The brunette squinted into the distance. The dust cloud was settling, which was a bit of a mixed message. It either meant the crowd heading towards them was stalled by Tseng and Elena, or they were in the rain, which meant they were closer since the ground was wet and the dirt didn't fly as well.

"This is such a cluster fuck. Why are we waiting for them again?" Leon asked.

"Laguna says he can help. What's the worst that happens? We run away like bitches later as opposed to now? Either way we're going to be chased. May as well take a few guys out before we get to that point," Reno said. He turned to his Charge who wore a stoic expression with tense posture.

"Hmm?" he hummed, raising a brow in recognition to the redhead staring up at him.

"Be careful, please," Reno said. Rude nodded.

"Okay."

"I should find somewhere else to put Cloud. The helicopters are a little obvious," Leon said.

"They're also made of metal and way safer than hiding behind a bush or something," Reno said.

The brunette shrugged and turned to go see if he could find a better place. He got only a few yards away before Laguna and his men returned. The group split up and dispersed into the foliage with heavy armaments. They all but disappeared amongst the brush. Laguna, Kiros, Ward, and Irvine huddled together to talk amongst themselves, leaving Leon and everyone else out of whatever plan they had. In the distance, the dust cloud was virtually gone but the rumble of approaching vehicles could be heard. Tseng and Elena could be seen running back towards them full tilt.

"They have a couple of Fenrirs and a big transport van," Tseng said when he reached the group. Elena wasn't far behind.

"Which transport?" Reno asked.

"One of the Behemoths."

"Fuck, they stuff like… thirty guys in those things," Reno grumbled, rubbing his eyes. Leon took that as a cue to ignore Cloud's protesting and climb back into the helicopter with him. The blonde was lying right where he had been before, his eyes closed, almost as if he was sleeping.

"Cloud," the brunette called, nudging his Charge. Cloud grunted and peeled an eye open to look at him.

"Go away," he mumbled.

"I need to move you somewhere else."

"No."

"Too bad," Leon said, shoving the blonde and rolling him onto his back. Cloud put his hands on the Carrier's biceps and tried to push him away.

"Don't touch me," he said grumpily. Leon sighed and ignored the pushing. He scooped his Charge up by his armpits and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Cloud didn't have the energy to resist very long so he purposely became dead weight in an attempt to hinder Leon further.

"Is he dead?" Reno asked when Leon emerged from the helicopter again.

"Nope, just being a bitch," the brunette said nonchalantly, carrying the blonde off towards the woods.

"Now my ass is wet," Cloud said as the rain poured over them.

"Sounds like a personal problem." Leon ducked and weaved through the trees, trying to avoid low laying branches so his Charge's face wouldn't get scraped off. The dense foliage was decent coverage as it was and it didn't take the Carrier very long to find a place to set the blonde down. He settled Cloud between a couple of dead trees and took his jacket off. He draped it over his Charge's head.

"Why do you insist on putting your clothes on me?" Cloud asked.

"Just humor me. Your hair sticks out like a fucking banana in the dark so I'm trying to make you a little less obvious. I could just bury you in leaf litter if you're going to get uppity about it," Leon said. The blonde sighed and adjusted the jacket before leaning against one of the trees with a huff.

"Just don't forget me here."

"I won't. Stay down and don't do anything stupid."

"Yes mom."

"Good," the brunette said, leaving Cloud and heading back towards the path. The Midgar transport vehicle was within sight by the time he returned. He quickly retrieved the sword from where he had left it.

"Did you hide him in a flower patch like an innocent fairy?" Reno asked teasingly.

"I don't know how you can crack jokes right before we're about to die," Leon said.

"Such optimism."

Leon shrugged. "Expect the worst, hope for the best."

"I bet that makes you a _blast_ at parties."

"Like a god damn quadriplegic clown. You should see me blow up balloons with my nose," the brunette said sarcastically. Reno laughed. The russet Carrier looked around. He, Reno, Rude, Tseng, and Elena were the only ones within immediate eyesight. He halfway expected Laguna and company to disappear like the rest of their men, but not Irvine. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

The Midgar soldiers riding Fenrirs approached them first. They stopped their bikes, got off civilly, and walked to Tseng and Elena in order to speak to them. The conversation was brief, as the soldiers were more curious as to why Reno, Rude, and Leon weren't being hauled back to the prison yet. Tseng and Elena spoke casually, eventually giving the very clear indication that they weren't doing anything Rufus Shrinra wanted them to. Tension was high as the transport vehicle grew closer and eventually stopped behind the parked motorcycles. The dismounted soldiers eventually went to reach for their swords, ready to take what they came for by force. Once they began to unsheathe, a shot rang out from the woods and a spurt of blood exploded from the side of one of the soldiers' head. He dropped to the mud lifelessly. The other soldiers near him startled and backed away.

The side door of the Behemoth slid open and a very familiar head of silver hair emerged calmly. Sephiroth held up a hand with casual expression. Around his wrist was a bangle with several materia lodged inside, including the red one Rufus had given him. He frowned when he saw the soldier lying on the ground. "I don't understand where you people get off thinking you can kill my men without a valid reason. But, I'm willing to let it pass if you all come with me quietly," he said. The other soldiers started to filter out of the vehicle behind him.

"If Rufus just wants his helicopters back, he can have them," Reno said. Sephiroth laughed.

"Oh, he wants much more than that. Plus, I have a bit of an agenda of my own. Just come quietly and I promise your deaths will be quick and painless," the General said snidely.

"Not a chance," Leon said. Sephiroth raised a surprised brow, as if he had forgotten the Carrier was there.

"Suit yourselves," he said, raising a hand and giving the men behind him a wave. The majority of the group started to advance and the subsequent torrent of bullets that flew out of the woods was abrupt and ear piercing. Bodies started dropping quickly. Leon could hardly focus on the soldiers coming at him. He was far more concerned about the one that stepped up to Sephiroth's side and spoke in the General's ear. The soldier pointed off towards the trees in the direction Leon had come from. A snarling smile spread across Sephiroth's face before he nodded and stomped off towards the woods.

_Fuck. They must have seen me come back from hiding Cloud,_ Leon swore to himself and quickly ducked behind the helicopter just as the horde of remaining soldiers met with Reno and the redhead's friends. Sharp sounds of metal on metal tugged at the brunette's psyche, but his focus was on the possible dangers heading towards his Charge. He tiptoed towards the tree line, following the familiar head of silver hair that was a moderate distance away.

Sephiroth seemed completely comfortable walking straight into a forest of armed gunmen. He calmly pressed one of the materia on his wrist inward and gave the bangle a spin. Nothing happened outwardly, which confused Leon at first. But, as gunshots rang out towards the General, the purpose was clear. The bullets stopped mid-flight, getting stuck in a protective barrier made from the Lifestream before toppling into the groundcover harmlessly. The invisible wall rippled like water from the impact, distorting the backdrop behind it; the only evidence that it existed. Once the shots quieted, Sephiroth scanned the trees, squinting up at the branches.

The General slowed the bangle's spinning and chose another materia to engage. He held his hand up towards a tree and spindly green wisps of the Lifestream wove around his fingers. The man that was supposedly in the tree started to scramble away quickly, disturbing the branches and shaking a bunch of leaves around. He didn't have enough time to move before a flash of lightning bolted from Sephiroth's fingertips, all but splintering the branch the man was sitting on. The gunner yelled and fell harshly onto the forest floor, his equipment falling after him and clattering as it landed. Sephiroth was practically standing on the man in an instant, drawing his sword and skewering him through his neck. The gunman let out a choked gargle before falling silent shortly thereafter. Leon's stomach lurched, but he didn't have time to worry about the fallen man as Sephiroth continued on through the woods.

It was starting to feel a little like every celestial being ever worshipped was out to get him, Leon thought. Not only was a terrifying homicidal maniac heading towards his Charge, but he was equipped with electricity he could call at the flick of a wrist and a protective barrier that made him invulnerable. The brunette followed Sephiroth at a safe distance, keeping a low profile as he waited to see if he would even find Cloud in the first place. As they walked, the General ended up finding two other gunmen in the trees and disposed of them in much of the same manner as the first. The only difference was that they hadn't had a chance to fire any shots at him before he got to them.

Leon's heart started racing as Sephiroth grew closer and closer to the thicket where he had left Cloud. The blonde's scent was everywhere and though he knew the General couldn't use that to his advantage, it still made his heart race. The last thing he wanted to do was confront Sephiroth as he knew his sword skills weren't nearly up to par. He could only hope Cloud had listened to him and stayed hidden as much as possible. Sephiroth was observant and was constantly looking around with a careful scan. Even if he didn't know exactly where Leon had been when he came out of the woods, the Carrier didn't doubt that he would see Cloud if the blonde was stupid enough to leave where he was set.

Leon squinted ahead of himself. A short distance away was an oversized dead tree with a hollowed base. A tuft of yellowy blonde was sticking out of the hole and there was movement, making a bit of noise as leaf litter was moved around. The angle of the hole was situated enough to where both he and Sephiroth saw it. The General let out a triumphant laugh and headed towards the hollow tree. The brunette didn't allow himself time to hesitate as he ran ahead through the brush to meet the General halfway. A hollowed out tree was an okay hiding place for Cloud, granted the blonde knew how to keep quiet, which apparently he didn't. Leon swore under his breath at his Charge's stupidity. Sephiroth stopped walking when the Carrier slid to a stop in front of the tree several yards away from him, sword up and poised defensively.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you're here, but I am. With the way you two lovebirds ran away together, one would think I'd be jealous," Sephiroth said. Leon wasn't amused and simply glared at him. The man laughed. "So feisty. Where was this fighting spirit the other day? I like 'em spicy."

"Shut up," the Carrier spat.

"It doesn't have to be this way. My quarrel isn't with you. You were just being a good boy and submitting like you were supposed to. It's your sunshine that has me angry."

"Shut up."

"Just give him to me and I'll let you live."

"No," Leon growled. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed on him for a tense moment of silence before he abruptly lunged forward, bloodied blade thrust forward ready to strike. The General's sword was much thinner than the one the brunette had been given, and Leon stupidly hoped that there was less force behind it because of that. He was wrong. Sephiroth's blade met his and sparks flew as they glanced over one another, Leon stepping to the side in order to avoid being trampled in the process.

Without missing a beat, the General continued forward towards the tree, forcing Leon to give chase. The brunette realized that Sephiroth's protective shield was missing. Unless the man could somehow mentally conjure one up at will, the Carrier doubted he could use more than one materia at a time. Plus, there was a pause between switching spells. Even if he needed the shield, Leon was willing to bet he could make it to him before anything happened. The miniature epiphanies made him feel a little better about catching up and getting close. Even if the General was stronger than him, and more experienced, Leon's reflexes were more finely tuned and he was faster.

When they were almost to the tree, Sephiroth abruptly stopped and turned, swinging his sword back, attempting to catch Leon off guard. The Carrier twisted to the side, bringing his own blade up to block it. The General kept pushing back, forcing Leon to sidestep in order to keep his footing. The brunette took a small jump back, breaking the strain for a moment, allowing Sephiroth to turn and raise his blade up for a downward slash. Again, Leon caught the weapon with his own, holding the tension above his shoulders as the General towered over him. Sephiroth's hold on the blade, though strong, was shaky. Leon could see the man's arms quaking as he struggled to keep the pressure on to try and overwhelm him.

"Having a problem?" the Carrier asked through his teeth, with a bit of a grunt. Sephiroth didn't respond, but a flash in the back of his eyes told Leon he was right. He didn't know what the problem was, but he was perfectly okay with it being there. But, in an effort to not be caught with a weakness, the General gave a firm push, sending Leon back a few inches, just enough for the other's boot to come up and kick him in the ribs. The wind was knocked from the brunette's lungs, but he kept his footing. A hand pressed into his chest, and his eyes froze on the rapidly spinning bangle on the wrist attached to it.

The impact of the bolt of electricity was enough to send Leon to the ground on his back. The Carrier screamed as the current ripped through his body, making his vision black out and his muscles spasm. Once the initial jolt was over with, he was surprised he was still alive. It felt like a sledgehammer had been thrown through his torso and it was difficult for him to breathe. He rolled onto his side weakly, straining back pained yells and holding his chest as his heart thundered against his ribcage. His colors had drained, of course, but they were the least of his concerns.

Sephiroth laughed at his expense and made his way to the tree. The hole in its trunk looked just big enough to fit a head and pair of adult shoulders. How far in the hole went, Leon couldn't tell. Just the idea of Cloud being able to fit through it was enough to heighten his anxiety. The General's approach didn't help matters either, and without looking in the tree, the man simply shoved his blade through the half rotted outside. There was a gurgling choke that rang out from the hiding place that made Leon's eyes water. Sephiroth withdrew the blade just enough to show it smeared with blood before he thrust it in again. Then again. Then again. Every time he stabbed the tree, Leon's world crumbled just a bit more.

His limbs were twitching as he tried to make them cooperate. They quaked as he weakly pushed himself up into a semi-sitting position. His legs were the worst as they didn't want to bend and help him stand. It took him far longer than he felt it should have in order to get himself on his feet, and he teetered in place, using his sword as a cane. He stood still for a moment, panting and waiting for his body to feel somewhat normal again. Whatever damage that had been done to Cloud was out of his control by that point, waiting any longer wasn't going to change much. He sincerely hoped his Charge wasn't dead, but his rational mind told him he was. Sephiroth had just fucked everything his life could've hoped to be. His family was dead before it even started.

Leon was seeing red. Every moral and ethical part of himself flew out the window and was replaced by an insurmountable amount of rage. Sephiroth was laughing like some sort of deranged child that had ripped the wings off a butterfly, skewering the tree over and over again simply because he could. The distraction lasted long enough for the Carrier's muscles to remember to pay attention. He stalked towards the General with fire in his colorless eyes. Sephiroth heard him and stopped what he was doing to look over his shoulder. He startled, his eyes glued to Leon's hair and its lack of pigment. It took him a second to register that the Carrier was coming to kill him, and when he did, he reached to tug his blade out of the tree and defend himself. It stayed stuck for the first couple pulls, which was enough time for Leon to reach him.

Without any hesitation, the Carrier lunged forward, blade at the ready, and impaled the man through the small of his back. The metal hit the meat of the tree and Leon gave it an extra shove, pinning Sephiroth to the bark. The General screamed, immediately bringing his hands up to push himself back in an attempt to pull the blade out using his entire self. Leon didn't doubt that the man had a materia that could fix all of the damage he had just caused, and he chose to leave his blade stuck in the tree for that specific reason. He was betting that healing oneself around some foreign body wasn't a good idea, the only problem was that Sephiroth was strong enough to pull himself out and _then_ fix everything.

In order to stop him, Leon lifted a foot and shoved it forward, pinning the man's bicep to the tree. He leaned forward and grabbed the wrist of that same arm and yanked it backwards, popping the limb into sickening uselessness. Sephiroth's subsequent scream echoed through the trees. The Carrier repeated the process on the other arm, rendering both limbs useless. The General lay against the tree, Leon's blade the only thing holding him upright, panting with hoarse whines escaping his throat every now and again. The not-so-brunette stepped into his line of vision with a blank stare. Sephiroth was fading in an out of consciousness, his eyes drooping even as he tried to stay awake. Blood was seeping out of his wound and trailing down the tree underneath him.

"Please…" he rasped. "I can't—" he stopped as his words got choked behind a cough that sent a dribble of red down his chin. "I can't die yet."

"Sure you can," Leon said blandly and stepped around him to inspect the hole in the tree. He pulled the General's blade from the wood, his hands starting to shake as the reality of the situation settled in. He suddenly felt so drained and tired as his adrenaline left him quickly. He dropped to his knees next to the opening of the tree and hesitantly stuck his arm inside. Almost immediately his fingers bumped into something soft and wet. His eyes started to water as he attempted to grab hold of it and pull it out so he could see. His fingers slipped away with a clump of something and his stomach did a bit of a churn even before he could see what it was. He pulled his hand out and let out a choked sob he had been holding in.

He had a handful of bloodied yellow feathers. He covered his mouth with his other hand as he started sobbing out of sheer relief. He rubbed his eyes with his clean hand, his mouth twisted in what could only be described as a maniacal grin. He sniffed back the rest of his tears and started looking around for wherever Cloud really was. He reached over and took the end of Sephiroth's coat to use to wipe his hand off. Leon took a deep breath to gather himself before he used the General's sword to help get himself to his feet. He was tired, but so very happy. He walked further out into the clearing and carefully scanned the underbrush and low lying plants for another area that looked similar to the one he was standing in. He didn't have to look very far.

Behind a fallen tree, away from where he was originally placed, was a pair of bright blue eyes just _staring_ at him from between the dead tree's branches. Leon let out another long sigh and clomped over to where Cloud was. The blonde still had his jacket covering his head like he was supposed to and he wore the most befuddled open-mouthed expression he could muster as he gaped at the Carrier's hair and eyes. He had seen the whole thing. Leon flopped to the ground next to him and Cloud found himself abruptly crushed to the Carrier's chest. Said Carrier buried his face in the side of his Charge's neck as he sniffled loudly and huffed a muted sob.

"Uh…" Cloud trailed stupidly. Leon laughed a little and leaned back to see the blonde's face. He pulled the jacket off of him and smoothed a hand through his hair, sniffling.

"Your head looks like a chocobo's ass."


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 44

After the initial surge of emotional relief, Leon let Cloud go and scooted away from him like he assumed the blonde would want him to. He was busy wiping his face dry with the back of his hands when he felt fingers slide through his hair. He froze, unsure of how he should react. Peeking over his hand, he could see Cloud wearing a very confused face as he combed the synthetic follicles around and tried his hardest to understand what he was looking at. Leon didn't stop him and just sat there and let himself be petted. His Charge eventually stopped and sat back with furrowed brows.

"Do you believe me now?" Leon asked.

"I…" Cloud started and ended with a frustrated sigh. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as he tried to figure out what he was trying to say. So many mixed feelings were bubbling around in his head, he could hardly think straight. "I'm not sure."

"What more can I do to convince you?"

"I believe you are what you say you are and that you're not from here. I believe that we're going somewhere and that I won't come back here. But… everything else, I'm still not sure. I still don't believe you can help me, or give me everything you said you're going to give me. Like an education, a better life, and… answers. Just because you've proven you're different doesn't mean I should trust you."

"Fair enough. So long as you're still coming with me, I don't care if you hate me, or don't trust me, or… whatever," the Carrier said. He could fix the blonde's doubt eventually. Just having the security of being together was enough for him right then. They sat awkwardly for a few minutes before Cloud cleared his throat.

"So."

"So?"

"Are we going to sit here and wait for the other guys to find Sephiroth or are we going to be smart and leave him and get the hell out of here?"

"Oh. Right," Leon agreed, pushing himself up. He took his jacket back and put it on before holding both of his hands down to Cloud to help pull him up onto his feet. The blonde ambled onto the Carrier's back and they started off towards the helicopters and sounds of battle.

"So I thought you didn't like fighting?" Cloud asked, making idle conversation to break the semi-silence. Leon glanced over his shoulder, getting an eyeful of unruly blonde hair.

"I don't."

"Well you didn't hesitate all that much back there."

"I was angry."

"Oh, is that how it works? If I make you angry you'll kill me?"

"No. You're too important to me."

"…That's creepy."

"Sorry. If I promise to break your arms when I'm angry will that make you feel better?"

"Not really."

"Then there isn't much I can say to console you. We'll get you a therapist when we have a minute," Leon said. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"So did you kill him because he's a bad guy?" he asked. He really didn't want to believe Leon was protecting him. The idea seemed so foreign, as he had always been taught that he had to defend himself since no one else would; especially not his fellow soldiers. He also didn't like the Carrier very much and was seriously uncomfortable thinking he was _that_ valuable to him.

"No. There isn't really such a thing as a 'bad guy.'"

"Are you fucking stupid? Of course there is!"

*"Right and wrong are not what separate us and our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us. Both sides blame one another. There's no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views."

"So you killed him because he has different views than the ones you have."

"No. I killed him because I thought he was killing _you_."

"He killed a baby chocobo."

"I know that now."

"Do you regret it?"

"Defending you or killing him?"

"Both."

"I regret killing him," Leon said flatly.

"That's stupid," Cloud clipped.

"I'm sorry you think so. I don't feel I should have the right to take someone's life. It's not my place. I don't care how fucked in the head he was."

"So you _do_ think he was a bad guy."

"I think he was bad only because he wasn't part of what I consider 'normal.' Just like everyone else, I make my own judgments based on what I think is right and wrong but that doesn't mean my views are an absolute truth. I'm allowed to have my opinions. It doesn't mean I can impose them on someone else and take their life because of it. Even if I think he was 'bad,' it doesn't mean he really was; he was just different from me."

"So… do you think _I'm_ a bad guy?"

"No."

"But I've done a lot of the same stuff he did."

"I know."

"Then why are we different?"

"Because."

"Because why?" Cloud asked. He didn't understand how Leon could kill Sephiroth and then turn around and help him escape to a (supposedly) better life. The blonde felt that he and the General weren't all that different. Their sins were eerily similar in a lot of ways.

"Why do you want me to think you're the same?"

"Because we are."

"No you're not."

"How can you say that? We did the same things!"

"But you understand that what you did was wrong, yeah?"

"Well… yeah… but—"

"That's the difference. Had the military never gotten a hold of you, you would've never done any of it. Sephiroth didn't really have much of a choice and was pretty messed up from the beginning."

"How do you know that? He could've been like me."

"No. He wasn't," Leon said, remembering the soulless five year old from so many years before.

"But you can't know for sure."

"…Yes I can."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, you can't."

"Cloud, yes I can. Just shut up and I'll explain it to you eventually."

"Are you going to tell me you were his nanny at one point or some other weird shit?"

"No. Just believe me for a minute and I'll explain eventually."

"But—"

"Shh!" Leon shushed, stopping suddenly and straining an ear to listen. He thought he had heard something in the near distance and gingerly moved behind a patch of scrub to camouflage them a bit. He could see a couple of Midgar soldiers weaving between the trees in the direction they had just come from. It was only a matter of time before they found Sephiroth and Leon didn't want to think about what they might do. He waited until they were out of earshot before he started off towards the helicopters again, picking up the pace to near running.

The sounds of metal on metal rang out and echoed in his head. Gunshots pierced the air every now and again, though much of the action was focused on the hand-to-hand. Leon could see the helicopter sitting amongst the activity and slowly sneaked towards it. Reno happened to see him in the distance but couldn't focus on the immediately alarming sight of the not-so-brunette's suddenly colorless hair. He was forced to pay attention when a Midgar solider came at him with an upwards swing of his blade. The redhead jumped back, but only managed to get away enough to dodge most of the damage, not all of it. The soldier sliced his forearm, making him cry out and recoil. Rude was nearby and hurried to the Carrier's aid. He caught the solider off guard and grabbed him by the back of his hair, yanking him away. He was quick to bring his other hand up and cover the soldier's face. A swift jerk of his hands in either direction and the sound of the man's neck popping out of place practically echoed through the forest. He fell limply to the mud, sword falling aside harmlessly. Rude went to Reno's side and looked his arm over.

"You okay?" he asked simply. The redhead was in a bit of a daze from heroic rescue and stared at his Charge, his cheeks a bit pink.

"Y-yeah. I'll be okay," he said sheepishly. He was bleeding, but he doubted the cut would scar. He looked towards the helicopter where Leon was scooting in with Cloud and closing the door behind them. "We need to go. Something's up with Leon and Cloud," he said matter-of-factly.

"What about Tseng and Elena?" Rude asked. The activity was dispersed around the open pathway in small pods of a few people each. Tseng and Elena were off in the far distance holding their own just fine.

"We can't really afford a tearful goodbye, you know? Where's that smelly guy we're supposed to take with us?" Reno asked, looking around. The pair started jogging towards the helicopter.

"I have no idea. Wasn't he supposed to be one of the snipers?"

"I… guess? I have no idea. No one told us anything," Reno huffed. They reached the helicopter and the redhead yanked open the door. The back half of Leon was sticking out of the diving wall between the cockpit and the rear cabin. He was digging around in the front looking for the computers.

"Hey," Cloud said tiredly, reaching a hand out and poking Leon's calf.

"What?" Leon asked, pulling back and looking at his Charge. The blonde pointed towards Reno and Rude and the not-so-brunette startled a little. The redhead scrambled into the cabin and looked his friend over worriedly. Leon held up a hand before any protesting and coddling could start and returned to digging around in the cockpit. He eventually found what he was looking for and pulled the machine into the cabin with him. He sat on the floor and paid no mind to the staring eyes as he plugged himself into the computer and went about resetting his colors. Rude and Cloud were the most interested and practically went bug-eyed when the Carrier's hair changed back to its normal russet hue.

"What happened?" Reno persisted.

"Nothing. We need to leave," Leon said flatly, setting his eye color.

"That's probably the least reassuring thing you've ever said to me."

"Sorry," the brunette said. He unplugged himself and left the computer on the floor of the cabin to go back outside. The image of the soldiers heading through the woods towards Sephiroth made his heart race. The desire to get as far away as possible was immense. Reno watched his friend with confusion as he exited the helicopter. Leon cupped his hands around his mouth. "Irvine! Time to go!" he yelled, his profound vocal cords echoing the voice through the trees. Reno and Rude took that as a huge clue to get the machine started.

As the blades of the helicopter started to spin and pick up speed, the fighting further down the pathway started to slow. Almost everyone was looking to see what was happening. Irvine dropped out of a tree with a sniper rifle strapped to his back and started running towards the machine. Leon climbed back inside, closing the door just enough to keep them mostly protected with enough space to see Irvine coming. The few remaining Midgar soldiers turned their attention to the helicopter, some pulling out small handguns and firing shots at the carapace. Shots dug into the ground at Irvine's feet as he sprinted to the door just in time for Leon to pull it open again and usher him inside. The helicopter started to lift just as the sniper's feet left the ground and the Carrier was sliding the door closed again.

"Get parachutes on!" Reno called to the back as they started to rise. Irvine and Leon went to the back storage compartment to dig around for the lifesaving backpacks. They passed two up front to Reno and Rude before going back for ones for themselves. Bullets clanked against the sides of the machine, making the air inside turn panicked. They rose above the tree line, successfully pulling out of harm's way. Leon worried about getting a parachute on himself. He went back for one for Cloud and discovered that there wasn't one. There were only four and Irvine had the last one. The Carrier went to sit next to Cloud.

"Guess who gets to be carried some more," he said flatly, considering taking the one from Irvine and shoving him out of the helicopter. His Charge scowled.

"Oh _goody_. Just what I need. More babying," he said. Leon patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry. I won't let you die without me."

"I'm so happy to hear that," Cloud grumbled. Leon went to duck into the cockpit, reaching in and pulling the backpack that held his and Reno's computers. He went back and shoved the blonde around until the machines were firmly strapped to him. Cloud sat back and was obviously unhappy with the turn in events. The Carrier couldn't disagree with him.

* * *

Sephiroth was having a _very_ bad day. In fact, his whole week was pretty much garbage. Dying while skewered to a rotting tree was pretty much the icing on the cake for him. His dying thoughts were all regrets from his life, things he never would achieve and things he wished he hadn't done. It was a long list for both topics and he was only about halfway through recalling them all when the life finally left him and the wisps of the Lifestream drained from his body to the earth below. Of course, no one really knew that, and the soldiers trekking through the woods to find him were very surprised to see the scene. They hurried to his side and tried to wake him and see if he was hanging on just enough to be saved. He wasn't.

"Fuck," one of them, a taller man, sighed. He looked to his shorter friend who seemed extremely distressed.

"What do we do?" the short one asked.

"I have no idea, man. I don't even know where we are."

"Damn it."

"This is bad. Mr. Shinra is expecting us to go back with the prisoners and minimal casualties."

"This is a little far from 'minimal,' don't you think?"

"Yeah, I know, that's why I said it was bad," the tall one said, slapping the other on the shoulder. Neither of them was personally upset by Sephiroth's death. He hadn't been the most pleasant person to be around and didn't have many friends. They were more concerned about what Rufus Shinra was going to do to them.

"Do you think we should take him with us?"

"Don't see why we should. He's dead."

"Well yeah… but I mean… evidence or something."

The taller one sighed. "Okay fine. Evidence," he said, looking the General over. He grabbed the man's shattered arm and pulled it up, unclipping the oversized bangle from around his wrist. He held it out to his friend. "Here."

"I don't want it. You hang onto it," the other said, holding up his hands in refusal.

"What? You're the one who thinks we need evidence!"

"Yeah, but that thing scares me. It has a red materia on it."

"You're such a pussy, yeesh," the taller one said with a roll of his eyes. He fastened the bangle to his own wrist and started walking back towards the fighting and transport. His friend hurried after him, casting a glance over his shoulder at the General he had been so afraid of for most of his deployment.

"Mr. Shinra wants that materia back, you know," he said.

"Yeah, and we can give it to him. No big deal."

"Have you ever seen a Summon before?"

"Nope," the taller one said, stopping to give the bangle a look over. "I sort of want to though."

"You can't be serious."

"But I am."

"Don't do it."

"But I want to."

"Dude, seriously," the smaller one protested. His friend was already moving to depress the materia in its slot. "Don't!" the other protested.

"Shut up, what's the worst that happens?" the taller one said, pressing the ruby orb inward and giving the bangle a spin. His friend started to nervously run his fingers through his own hair, watching the materia spin closely.

Nothing happened. Or at least, nothing that they could see. But below the surface of the earth, underneath the roots of the trees, there was a disturbance. The energy keeping the plant life alive started to filter out of the leaves and branches and siphon through the soil towards where the pair was standing. The tops of the trees died first, the color and moisture being sucked from the greenery, the stems falling away from the twigs and flitting towards the ground. It started with the ones closest to them, but eventually started to spread as the red materia pulled more and more life from the scenery around them. Everything started to fade to an unhealthy color of ashen gray, making the soldiers look around in mild horror.

"You've killed us, dude," the short one said, taking the dying forest as a cue that something really bad was going to happen, and rightfully so.

In the distance, as the death spread, the snipers hiding in the trees were slowly uncovered as the leaves around them started to fall. Fragile dead branches snapped, dropping several of them to the ground. The violent activity stopped as everyone noticed what was happening and started looking around for the source. The pair of soldiers stepped out of the woods with sheepish looks. The taller one tried to stop the bangle from spinning but he couldn't. The friction from touching it burned him and he cried out, wrenching his hand away and holding his other wrist out as if he was afraid of it.

"What the _fuck_ did you do?" one of the remaining soldiers yelled at him.

"I didn't think it would do anything!" the taller one yelled back with obvious fear in his voice.

As the energy started to build up under the earth, it began to seep through the soil and form a pool under the soldier's boots. The shorter one fled, running over to the rest of his comrades. Thick tangible tendrils of the Lifestream started to dance out of the dirt like glowing tentacles, wrapping themselves around the soldier's legs and sealing him in place. He started to scream as the raw energy sizzled his clothing and licked at his skin. The remaining Midgar soldiers ran back to their transports and hurriedly tried to get away. Laguna, Kiros, Ward, and their snipers all started to flee towards Winhill. Elena and Tseng ran back to their helicopter and were in the air quickly. By this point, Leon and everyone else were far enough away to remain completely clueless.

The ground started to shift and shake under the dying soldier's feet as he was wrapped in a cocoon that peeled his skin and burned away his hair and clothing. Large cracks split the earth, showing that the bubble around the soldier was just the tip of the proverbial energy iceberg. The pool of the Lifestream stretched for miles in either direction that only started to show when the ground fell into the abyss below. Winhill was directly in the split's path and the people started to panic and run from their hiding places in all directions. The group heading back towards the city didn't have much of a chance and all of them were sucked into the chasm as it opened below them. Buildings shook and collapsed, pavement and stonework crumbled like sand, countless lives were suddenly obliterated, surrendering their own energy to the massive gathering underneath. The Midgar transport full of soldiers wasn't saved from the danger and toppled into the crack as well.

An enormous black scaled hand with four fingers and claws that were longer than a bus, burst out of the crack in the earth. It grabbed onto the edge and started pulling itself along the ground. Soon it was accompanied by another hand, the tips of a pair of clawed onyx and crimson wings, and a pair of horns that stood taller than any building in Winhill. The creature pulled apart the ground as it emerged from the recesses of the Lifestream, dragging its massive body out of the depths and into the open air. It was a dragon, named Bahamut, who was seen as the Dragon King by the people of Balamb. He knocked away trees as he stood upright, towering over the forest and making its woodland inhabitants flee as fast as they could.

All Bahamut knew was that the huge pool of energy underneath himself was sitting there instead of being part of the Lifestream, the forest and people around him were dead and useless, and that someone on the surface had done it by unnatural means. Said soldier had been reduced to a pile of dust and the materia that had been used to call the dragon there in the first place was gone, so there was no one to blame and not much of a way to fix the problem. This was not a happy venture in his opinion and made him quite angry. As he turned to check everything around him, crunching the forest underfoot, he could see two black _things_ (the helicopters) flying away from him. Taking their escape as a sign of guilt and cowardice, the dragon decided that they would be the ones to pay for all the damage caused. One black thing was a lot farther away than the other black thing, but Bahamut didn't feel the need to rush. He was, after all, much faster than them regardless, and hurrying wasted precious energy that Eden couldn't afford to give him.

* * *

"So where are we going now?" Cloud asked tiredly. He was using Leon for support, having flopped forward and smashed his face into the Carrier's collar bones. He was too exhausted to move, care, or complain. Every muscle in his body felt like a blob of tangled noodles and his limbs may as well have not existed. Leon was worried of course, but couldn't do much for him until they got back to Balamb. Hopefully someone there would know how to help.

"Balamb. Then we're leaving for my home," he said.

"Oh…" the blonde trailed.

"Is that a problem?"

"I don't speak the language."

"I know. I'll try to stick by you and translate."

"Okay," Cloud huffed, contemplating falling asleep. Leon reached up and slid his fingers through the pokey blonde follicles. Cloud immediately pulled back and shoved him away with a glare. He settled for lying on the floor of the cabin, using his own arms as a pillow. It took the Carrier a second to realize what he had done and frowned at himself. He wasn't sure why he had felt compelled to pet his Charge, but he was more concerned that he did it without thinking about it first.

The transmitter up front in the cockpit crackled to life and a frantic female voice started to speak up. It was Elena in the other helicopter, attempting to get Reno and Rude's attention. The redhead had been busying himself with wrapping his arm and startled when the noise abruptly burst from the speakers. He reached forward to turn the dial, trying to get the channel set on a more stable wavelength so he could understand his friend a little easier.

"Reno! Rude! Are you there?" Elena yelled. Reno picked up the handset to respond.

"Yeah, we're here. What's wrong?" he asked.

"Something happened in Winhill. One of those idiot grunts activated the red materia and it practically destroyed everything before the Summon even got here!" she explained angrily. Tseng started talking quickly in the background, forcing Reno to lean into the speaker of the radio to see if he could hear what was going on. The pair on the other end were talking amongst themselves. There was a long pause with nothing but silence until Elena started to scream. Tseng was soon to start after her. Their voices rang through the speakers for only a few seconds before everything went quiet again, with only the sound of light static to be heard.

"Shit," Reno spat unhappily, tossing the handset aside and pulling himself into the back of the helicopter.

"What's wrong?" Leon asked as he watched the redhead make his way to the door to pull it open. He leaned himself out into the open air so he could look behind them. All he could see in the distance was a thick black puff of smog with debris falling from it. Next to the cloud was an enormous dragon that looked to still be chewing on whatever piece of the helicopter he had gotten a hold of. Reno's blood ran cold and he froze in place for a second before his brain started to work again. He went back into the helicopter, slamming the door behind himself.

"One of the soldiers in Winhill used Sephiroth's red materia and called… whatever it is and it just chewed up Elena and Tseng!" he said in a panic. The death of his comrades hadn't even sunk in yet as the overwhelming sense of doom took up all of his thinking space. He hurried back into the cockpit and explained what had happened to Rude.

"We're fucked," Cloud grunted from his spot on the floor. Leon didn't give him a chance to protest as he grabbed the blonde's arm and yanked him upright. He gathered his Charge up against him much like how Cloud had been carried through the desert. The blonde tried to push him away again but Leon held tight.

"Stop squirming, jackass. If we need to jump, I don't need you fucking around because you have space issues. You can be angry later; just let me keep you safe until then," the brunette said angrily. Cloud gave him a sharp glare, which the Carrier returned with just as much fire in his eyes. The blonde eventually sighed and begrudgingly rested his head against Leon's shoulder.

"You know how to swim, right?" he asked grumpily. By that point in their escape, they were over the ocean past Timber and heading for Balamb's capitol. If they needed to jump, it would be a water landing. Hopefully Laguna's acient inflatable raft still worked like it was supposed to.

The distance between the two helicopters was substantial, and once everything had been explained to him, Rude pushed the throttle to its limits in the hopes of making it to land where there would be more assistance. Throughout all the chaos and Leon and Cloud's bickering, Irvine had remained completely silent. He watched the group with hawk like eyes, studying everything closely and trying to figure out why Leon and Reno were so different and why Cloud and Rude mattered so much. The whole scenario puzzled him, and as the only member of their party who was somewhat armed, he debated on whether or not it would be worth defending them. They were really strange.

* * *

Bahamut was trying his hardest to catch up to the other flying black thing while conserving as much energy as possible. He could only stay on the surface for so long before he needed to return to Eden and the Lifestream, but he also felt he needed to make the other party pay for so much destruction and disturbance. He continued after them for a while, keeping up an even pace as the machine started going faster. But eventually, he could feel the pull of the Lifestream beckoning him to return. In a last ditch effort to make the black flying thing pay, he decided to attack from a distance.

The ocean water that was hundreds of feet beneath him started to part as the massive amount of energy he called began to collect in front of him. The skies above darkened, and the clouds pushed aside. For a moment, the calling of the Lifestream ceased just enough to surrender its energy to him, gathering it into a single point. With eyes locked on the helicopter, the celestial beast unleashed his energy, sending it out in one straight beam that shot across the sky as quick as lightning. Exhausted, Bahamut descended slowly towards the parting in the ocean, allowing himself to return to Eden's side in much of the same manner as he had come. He was shamed by his lackluster performance; the lack of the Lifestream's strength hindering his ability substantially. He was a far cry from what he used to be a century and a half ago when the war first started.

Regardless, the beam of energy he had released upon the unsuspecting helicopter did what it was supposed to do. It wasn't a perfect shot, and it didn't obliterate the machine in one fell swoop, but it did scrape along the top of it, taking the blades and most of the roof off and spreading the debris in all directions. Everyone inside startled and screamed in surprise when they could suddenly see the sky above them, as if the machine was made of softened butter and the beam had been a hot knife slicing through.

Irvine was the closest to the door, and as a result, was the one to slide it open, toss the inflatable raft out, and jump first. He managed to make it out just as the dilapidated helicopter started to turn on its side and plummet towards the water. Cloud's immediate reaction was to wrap his arms around Leon's neck and practically strangle him in an attempt to hang on. The Carrier struggled to his feet, only to fall to the side and slide across the floor as the surface turned vertical. He decided that the easier route was to simply fall out of the top of the helicopter rather than try to scramble to the door. Once out into the open air, the gravity of the situation sunk in and he realized just how high up in the air they had been. He pulled the release cord for the parachute with one arm wrapped tight around Cloud's waist. The canopy caught the wind and slowed their decent considerably.

"Gonna die gonna die gonna die gonna die," Cloud blabbed over and over again, his face buried in the side of Leon's neck so he couldn't see what was happening. The Carrier rolled his eyes, wrapping his other arm around him securely.

"The only one who's going to die is me if you don't let me breathe," he rasped as the blonde continued to cling to his windpipe.

Back in the helicopter, Reno and Rude were having more issues than everyone else. The cockpit was a much tinier space to get out of with far more things to get in the way. When the machine started to turn, they both toppled out of their seats and landed in a heap against the windshield. It then started to nosedive, heading straight for the water like an arrow being shot at the ground. Within seconds it was halfway to the water's surface. A few more, and it hit the ocean like a ton of bricks, cracking the windshield with the force and jostling the pair around inside into further disorientation. The body of the helicopter bobbed like a buoy before flopping back into a semi-normal horizontal position. It didn't last long, though, and the carapace started to turn on its side again, allowing the water to rush in through the open door.

The metal around them started to creak loudly, the strain of the impact and subsequent water weight taking its toll on its stability. It took a moment for the pair to get their bearings again in order to figure out where they needed to go. The open hole in the roof was the most likely the easiest escape and Reno pushed Rude ahead of him through the jumble of controls, safety straps, and seats so his Charge could escape and swim to safety. The redhead was right behind him, though, and only had to push himself through the rushing water and under a metal bar to the surface in order to pop up right next to him. They were both panting from the adrenaline and leftover panic of their near-death experience and stared at one another with wide eyes filled with disbelief.

"Dude…" Reno sighed.

"I know," Rude said with a small laugh that bordered on the hysterical.

In the distance, giant tendrils of the Lifestream were reaching up from the water in order to grab onto the fading Bahamut. It caught everyone's attention as the dragon let out a wail, being forcibly dragged into the water despite his efforts to stay on the surface and finish the job he had started. He desperately flapped his wings, trying to climb further into the sky, but the effort was wasted as Eden's hold on him was relentless. He disappeared under the water, the sea falling back into place to fill the hole he had created. The sky cleared once he was gone, returning back to its original bright hue.

"I'm totally going to be sick," Cloud muttered. He had turned to look at the Summon, only to look down when it was gone. He had never been on anything higher than himself in his life, let alone hundreds of feet above the ground with nothing to stand on.

"Wait until I can get away, please," Leon sighed. The Carrier was fine. He didn't care about heights or swimming and willingly looked towards the ocean to see that the raft had done its job and dutifully inflated when it had hit the water. Irvine was already swimming towards it. The brunette couldn't see where Reno and Rude were, but he was quick to find out.

Under the surface, as the helicopter carcass sank, the pressure inside the cabin started to build, pushing against the already weakened seams and damaged metal. The shell started to peel away from its fastenings and water flooded into the machine's inner workings. The controls stopped, the motor stalled, and everything was quiet as it continued further under water. But eventually, the water seeped into the fuel tank holding cell. Reno had yelled at Sephiroth for trying to kick around the pressure sensitive tanks back at the prison, not only because it was Leon and Cloud in the box, but because what he had said was true. They were volatile pieces of equipment. Once the water pressure inside their cell rose to full capacity, they burst. The outward thrust from their explosion was enough to send a geyser of water rocketing out of the surface and into the air, sending debris along with it.

Reno was faster at swimming than Rude and was a decent distance ahead of him in their venture towards the raft. He would stop on occasion to make sure his Charge was okay, but he was fairly confident they would be okay. That is, until the fuel tanks let go. The massive surge of water pulled them both backwards, but it was Rude who was the most affected. He was thrown up into the air by the force and tossed several feet away from where they had started. Reno was pushed under by the wave, but was otherwise fine. When he surfaced and looked around for his Charge, he was gone. The panic immediately set in.

"Rude? Rude!" the redhead called, desperately scanning the water as the rain of debris splashed all around him. Eventually, his Charge surfaced; face down, as the impact from landing in the water rendered him unconscious. Reno quickly shrugged off his parachute so he could swim faster and hurried over to him.

Leon and Cloud watched the scene play out from the air. Irvine was already using the butt of his rifle like an oar and was slowly inching the raft closer to the pair in the water. He made it over to them before Leon and Cloud could land. The brunette unclipped the parachute from himself and let it drift away into the sea, treading water while still trying to hang on to Cloud. The blonde was nearly sitting on his shoulders with his legs wrapped around the Carrier's chest.

"You're not making this any easier, you know," Leon grunted.

"Yeah well, me and Water aren't exactly best friends," Cloud huffed. It was around that time that the brunette decided that the first thing his Charge would learn from him is how to swim. He was not keen on the idea of being the blonde's raft for the rest of his life. They made their way towards the rest of the group and met up with them just as Irvine was able to pull Rude into the raft. Reno clumsily flopped into the dinghy in a panic, scooting up to his Charge's side and cupping his face in his hands. He patted Rude's face with his palms, trying to get him to wake up. It quickly became apparent that nothing was helping, and the redhead abandoned the nudging in favor of CPR. He leaned in and gave his Charge a couple of deep breaths.

"Baby, you can't do this to me," Reno said as he started chest compressions, the hysterics starting to bubble up and show in his voice. By that point, Leon was close enough to shove Cloud into the raft and haul himself in. The blonde oozed into the vessel like dead weight. The brunette, on the other hand, decided to be useful and went to Rude's other side and handled the chest compressions for Reno so the redhead could do the breaths.

"How long was he under for?" Leon asked.

"I don't even know. It all happened so fast," Reno said, worriedly. After the next round of breaths, he rested his forehead against Rude's, watching his eyes and waiting for them to open. "I waited forty years to meet you. You can't die on me like this," he mumbled, tears stinging the backs of his eyes.

* * *

***A/N:** Actual quote from Squall in Final Fantasy VIII.


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: **Thank you all for sticking with me! The support is well appreciated, I assure you.

* * *

Chapter 45

Bahamut was a fairly large creature. He could be seen from great distances, especially across an open plane like a body of water. His loud cry as he was pulled back to Eden alerted the guards in the towers in the ports of both Balamb and Timber. Immediately, one contacted the other to check and see if one had heard what they had and they were both in agreement: something was going on out there in the ocean. Usually, when Guardian Forces were summoned, there was active combat going on. Since there were no Balamb naval troops deployed out in the middle of the water at that time, their only guess what that it was Midgar's doing. Neither side could decide what to do right away. Binoculars were usually enough to see the silhouette of any Midgar warships on the horizon, but there was nothing there that they could see.

General Almasy, a veteran of twenty years, paced back and forth in front of the communications terminal after just ending contact with the officials stationed in Timber. From his view in the guard tower, nothing was amiss out in the sea, and there was no cause for alarm. The officials in Timber, however, said that there was an earthquake on their side of the pond and that they couldn't get a hold of anyone in Winhill. That news, plus Bahamut's appearance, was cause for alarm, but General Almasy had reservations about sending his troops out blindly into what could be a very elaborate trap.

"Sir?" one of the soldiers asked, peeking his head into the General's station. The man stopped pacing and looked at him expectantly. "Your son is here."

"Send him in," he said. The soldier left with a nod. Seifer, the spitting image of his father, came in with an uncertain look to him. The General didn't smile, didn't greet him, he just gave him a steely gaze which his son couldn't meet. "Did you graduate yet?" he asked impatiently. Seifer rolled his eyes.

"It's March. Graduation isn't for a few months yet, dad," the son said grumpily.

"Fine, are you _going_ to graduate or are you just going to continue to disappoint me?"

"I don't know, ask my instructors."

"I will. Why are you here? Are you dying?"

"…No."

"Is your mother dying?"

"…No."

"Then I'm busy. Goodbye," the General said, turning back to the communications terminal.

"Mom sent me to come get you. She says she hasn't seen you in two months," Seifer insisted, crossing his arms over his chest with a scowl. "I really don't appreciate getting calls from her when tears are involved."

"Go back to school."

"It's Sunday. I don't have class. Just go home for a few days and I wouldn't have to be here."

"Your mother is an adult, she can come see me, she can call, it's not like I'm stopping her."

"She's your wife. She shouldn't _have_ to chase you around."

"The soldiers here need my direction to keep this city safe. Your mother lives in this city too, or did you forget that? I'm keeping her safe too. I don't have the luxury of going out to gallivant around and visit."

"The house is two miles away! Eden forbid you take an hour to say hello to her! Oh no! The city will crumble if you don't stand around and stare at the ocean all day! You're doing a _fantastic_ job from keeping the fish from invading," Seifer spat angrily. The General's body language tensed as his patience was reaching its limits. He abruptly turned and stepped to his son, backhanding him across the face. Seifer staggered and averted his eyes to the floor, grinding his teeth together to keep himself from hitting back.

"Lecturing me on how to run my marriage is disrespectful. Lecturing me on how to protect my country when you can't even get through school yourself is just plain insulting. Know your place, go back to school and finish, become a man, and earn my respect. Maybe then I'll consider your opinions with a bit more sincerity. You're excused," the father said, face emotionless.

"Mom wanted to go to lunch together today. What should I tell her?" Seifer asked quietly. The General thought for a second, reached into his back pocket, withdrew his wallet, and handed his son a thick fold of cash.

"Buy her something nice on the way home and apologize for me. I have things I need to attend to."

Seifer stared at the money in his hand. "Fine."

"You're excused," the father repeated. The son crunched the bills up in his hand turned away quietly, heading out of the station. The soldier standing guard outside the door looked inside the room again.

"What are your orders, sir?"

"Deploy a crew and go see what the hell happened out there," the General instructed, turning back towards the windows, scanning the ocean with cold eyes.

Balamb soldiers rushed around the base as Seifer left. The cadet was immediately curious as to what all the commotion was about. Apparently his old man _hadn't_ been lying and there _was_ something going on. He couldn't understand what was so important since the soldiers were rushing like they were late for something. There were no panicked orders being shouted at them, and there really weren't all that many. He followed the crowd out onto the docks where they were piling on to a transport ship. The cadet went to the Captain in charge and gave him a half-assed salute. The man gave him a dry smile.

"What're you doing here again? Still trying to bring your dad home?" he asked with a hint of amusement to his voice. Seifer shrugged.

"I couldn't give a damn about him if he did. Mom wants him home. Doing it for her, mostly."

"You're a good kid. Still doesn't answer my question, though."

"Just wanted to know what's up. Something interesting happening?" Seifer asked. It was the Captain's turn to shrug.

"I doubt it's anything, but we're just heading out to check on some sort of disturbance in the water. Can't see it all from here, you know. Want to come?"

"Are you going to get your ass handed to you if I do?"

"Probably."

"Sure. Let's go, then," Seifer laughed, helping himself to heading into the transport. He hoped, for his father's sake, that whatever was keeping him from having lunch with the family was worth it. Seifer wasn't sure his mother could take much more upset from the man. The only solace the cadet got from the scenario was that it would've been worse had his parents divorced when he was a kid.

* * *

Every second stretched on for centuries as Reno waited for Rude to wake up. He and Leon had been doing CPR on him for almost a minute, but the redhead's brain couldn't comprehend that as the panic took over his brain. It was getting harder and harder for him to breathe through it and was about to give up and start sobbing when Rude abruptly coughed a lungful of water directly into his face. Reno let out a cry as the salt water invaded his eyes and he sat back, covering his face with his hands. Leon pulled Rude up into a sitting position and patted his back firmly to help him breathe through his coughing.

"Oh my god I'm blind!" Reno squealed, rubbing his burning orbs. Once he cleared them they started to well up with happy tears. Leon sat back just in time for the redhead to scoop his Charge up and hug him around his chest with a giddy laugh. Rude just flopped against him tiredly with a loud belch. Reno laughed. "That was the sexiest noise I've heard in a _long_ time."

"Wha' happen?" Rude mumbled. Reno's bubbliness subsided and he let out a shaky sigh of relief. He laced his fingers together against his Charge's back and hugged him tightly.

"Don't worry about it. I'll tell you later," he said, resting his chin on Rude's shoulder. The bald Charge tried to pull away so he could protest and get an explanation, but the redhead didn't let him move and held him in place. Tears were leaking out his eyes and he didn't want Rude to see. The Charge eventually gave up moving, coughed several times, and submitted to staying in place.

That was when Cloud decided it would be a marvelous time to pull himself up so he could vomit over the side of the raft. Leon rolled his eyes.

"You just _had_ to ruin the moment, didn't you?" the brunette asked, looking behind himself at the blonde. Cloud didn't say anything and simply held his hand up with his middle finger extended. Leon went to go sit next to him but his hand was grabbed before he could get very far. He turned to look at Reno, who wore a wobbly smile.

"Thanks," he said quietly. Leon gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand reassuringly before letting go and checking on Cloud. The blonde stopped heaving and let himself slide to the side, flopping onto the floor of the raft from exhaustion; the exertion of clinging to Leon for dear life while in the air and water left his limbs feeling like jelly. The brunette hauled him upright by his armpits and sat him up against the side of the raft. Cloud let himself get tossed around and blearily stared ahead of himself whenever Leon let him sit still again. The Carrier leaned over and pressed his cheek to the side of his Charge's face, feeling his temperature. It was high, and it was causing the blonde's vision to blur on occasion.

"So…" Irvine trailed, having been silent the entire time. Leon and Reno looked at him. "What now?" he asked. The redhead sat up some, wiping his face dry as much as he could. He looked around. There was nothing but water in all directions.

"Uh… good question," he said. Leon thought carefully for a moment before he got an idea. He turned Cloud enough so he could get into the backpack that was still firmly attached to him. He withdrew a computer and opened it, hoping the Technicians had been smart enough to make them waterproof. It worked fine, and he pursed his lips in thought as he typed in his model number. It didn't work so he assumed he had Reno's computer and switched them. His started up right away and he was able to bring up the map of the world.

"_Do you have any cameras?_" he asked Reno in their native tongue. The redhead shrugged.

"_I don't know. I haven't used them in forever. I might have kept the box in there somewhere, though. Check the front pocket,_" he said. Leon undid as many zippers as he could until he found the little box that held Reno's camera bugs. It was filled with water. The liquid sloshed out of the case when he opened it and a couple cameras floated around in the remainder. Leon had no idea if they would work at all, but picked one and plugged it in, telling it to find Cloud. The bug's information flickered on the screen before it stopped completely, dying. The Carrier picked another one, hoping one of them would last long enough to give them some indication of where in the water they were.

"What is all that?" Cloud asked weakly, watching the Carrier work. Leon didn't answer him and just handed him a bug.

"Just hang onto that," he said. The blonde looked at the camera in his hand confusedly. The brunette switched it out several times with various cameras until he found one that lasted. Eventually, a marker appeared on the map in the middle of the ocean, indicating where his Charge was. He looked to Cloud, turning the computer so he could see. "Have you ever seen a map before?" he asked.

"Sort of," the blonde said. He had seen them before, knew what they were, but didn't really know what he was looking at when he saw them. He couldn't tell the difference between a Midgar landmass and a Balamb landmass.

"But you know it's a picture of the world, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Leon said, zooming in so he could get a better idea of where they were. More markers started to appear as he moved in. He pointed to an island. "That's where we need to be," he said, sliding his finger across the open expanse of ocean to the nearest continent where Timber was. "This is the Balamb side of where we were. Way over here," he said, moving across the land to the general area of Winhill. "This is where we were. We're actually closer to where we need to be than I thought we were. I thought we'd be closer to Timber," he tapped the flickering dot in the middle of the ocean. "This is where we are right now."

"Does that thing tell you which direction we're facing?" Irvine piped. Leon thought for a moment before looking up at the sky.

"Well… hm. Does the sun rise in the east here?" he asked, looking to Reno. The redhead shrugged.

"I have no idea, I never paid attention before."

"West," Irvine said.

"Okay. It doesn't tell me what direction we're facing, but it does tell me the time. It's a little after four, which means the sun is going to set in the east soon, right? So wherever the sun is now, is the general direction of east," Leon explained. The sun was behind them, which mean they were facing west, which was in the direction of Timber but were floating a little south from it. The Carrier scooted around until he was facing north so he could figure things out easier. He pointed north-east. "Balamb is that way," he said.

"You're sure?" Irvine asked skeptically. Leon nodded.

"Yeah, unless you'd like to call me a liar and float around out here until we die from exposure."

Irvine didn't have much to say after that, which was a bit of a blessing. The two Charges were situated into the back of the boat, Leon's computer was set in the middle, and the other three started paddling at the front. They weren't expecting to get very far, which was a wise choice, since they were moving at a disabled snail's pace. The crushing disappointment of expecting more than that would've been a real morale breaker. A couple hours later, the sun started to set, and everyone was exhausted. It was getting difficult to remain positive about the situation, and the morale was slowly draining away.

"Hey…" Rude trailed from the back of the raft, pulling everyone's attention to them. The bald Charge's main problem was coughing a little too much and the fatigue; he was fine otherwise. He was leaning over Cloud who, unlike him, wasn't doing so great. The blonde had curled himself up into a ball, and was holding his head while shivering. Leon practically threw himself across the dinghy when he noticed and quickly scooped Cloud up. He brushed the blonde's hair out his face and looked him over worriedly. Cloud's teeth were chattering, his eyes were glassy and unfocused, and the edges of his lips were turning blue. Leon could agree that lying on the floor of the raft was fairly cold, especially if one wasn't doing anything to keep the blood moving. He unbuttoned his jacket, hugged Cloud to his chest, and pulled the fabric around the blonde's shoulders, wrapping his arms around him tightly. After a few minutes, Cloud's chattering stopped and dissolved into a light all-over quivering.

"Here," Reno said, shrugging off his own jacket. He draped it over Cloud's back and shoulders. Leon gave him a questioning look; he hadn't expected any assistance from anyone. The redhead shrugged and went to go check on Rude.

"Well, now what are we supposed to do?" Irvine asked, folding his arms over his chest and stretching his legs out. It was clear to him that Leon would be useless for the rest of their impromptu adventure, and Reno probably wasn't going to be much better. When there was no immediate response to the sniper's question, the mood sank. There wasn't much they _could_ do.

Cloud floated around in his subconscious for a little while longer until his temperature was brought up. He peeled open his eyes and was greeted by t-shirt fabric and a heartbeat. Leon didn't notice that his Charge was awake so he didn't react. The blonde decided that it was okay to be held so long as the Carrier didn't realize he was aware of what was going on. Cloud didn't have _much _of an idea of what was happening, but he figured the brunette was holding him because there was some sort of problem. He wasn't comfortable assuming much more than that. Regardless of the reasoning, he could appreciate that he was warm and had an available space to drift off to sleep. So he did.

Darkness fell, turning the temperature frigid. Leon wasn't too cold, he assumed Cloud wasn't either, but Reno and Rude huddled together and were shivering, and Irvine had his knees pulled up to his chest, hugging them tightly. Eventually, the brunette gave Reno his jacket back so he wouldn't freeze, but after that, there wasn't much else to do. Sleeping wasn't an option, but no one was awake enough to try and paddle for land. The water was icy, anyway, so it was sort of a moot point, but everyone had the desire to do _something_. The helplessness of the situation was wearing on them.

It was almost two in the morning when Reno spotted a light in the distance. It moved back and forth like a spotlight, pointed down at the water, and was headed in their direction. The redhead sat there, squinting at the shining dot, trying to figure out if he was hallucinating or not. Rude's cough was getting worse as time progressed and the Carrier's mind was swimming in exhaustion and the fear that his Charge may be working towards pneumonia. It was a plausible scenario given his trauma.

"Do you guys see that?" The redhead asked, pointing out towards the light. Everyone looked, and for a moment, time froze. It was so surreal to see something other than water and sky; they all needed a moment to see if they were looking at a mirage. But the light kept getting bigger and brighter as their stunned silence lingered. Leon turned his attention to his Charge.

"Cloud," he urged, tapping the side of the blonde's face with his fingers.

"Hmmn?" the other grunted, furrowing his brows. Leon was surprised his Charge was so responsive. He was halfway expecting to have to slap him awake.

"Were… were you sleeping on me?" the Carrier asked confusedly. He didn't know if he should be happy or pissed. It was sort of heartwarming to think the blonde was comfortable enough with him to sleep on him, but he had also just spent the last few hours holding onto him thinking he was on the verge of hypothermia.

"Nope," Cloud said defiantly, not making an effort to move or become useful. Leon frowned and rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"Wake up, fat ass. I need to know you're okay so I can help get us somewhere," the Carrier said with annoyance in his voice, shaking his Charge a bit. Cloud's eyes slowly peeled open. He squinted at the brunette.

"'M not fat."

"You lay around like you are. Get up."

"I would if I could," Cloud said gruffly, settling his hands on the floor of the raft so he could support himself. He shuffled off of Leon and flopped back onto his previous cold spot. He felt so weak and helpless. The option of not even trying and just letting Leon haul him around everywhere for the rest of his life was looking more and more appealing the longer his condition persisted. He'd only have to get used to being an invalid. Reno draped his jacket over the blonde again and moved to the front of the raft.

Paddling with only their hands was admittedly a pain in the ass, but it was the best they could do. After stuffing Leon's computer back into the backpack attached to Cloud, they set out to get as close to the light as they could. It was almost another hour of alternating shifts before the ship in the distance took shape and had caught them in the beam of the searchlight. Irvine and Leon sat back, letting out long relieved sighs like civilized people did when something positive happened. Reno, on the other hand, decided that he needed to express himself a little more verbally and let out a giddy squeak before launching himself at Leon and crushing the brunette's face and upper body into his chest.

"_We can finally go home, man! I think I'm going to pee myself,_" the redhead blubbered.

"_We're not there yet, Reno. Let go of my face; you're hurting me,_" Leon grunted. Reno immediately dropped him.

"_Sorry, I forgot_," he said, cupping the brunette's face in his hands and making sure he didn't pull open the cut between his eyes. Everything was intact, and Reno sighed and sat back. Irvine had been staring at them and listening to the language he didn't understand with furrowed brows.

"Are we sure this boat is even from Balamb?" Leon asked.

"Well it's coming from that direction, isn't it?" Reno responded.

"Hang on," Irvine chimed, taking up his rifle-made-oar. It was virtually useless after being submerged in salt water but the scope attached to it still served its purpose. He propped it up on the side of the raft and looked through the lens for some sort of insignia on the side of the vessel. "It's from Balamb," he confirmed. The news left another wave of relief in its wake. When the ship came within a reasonable distance, a smaller vessel was dropped off the side into the water. It was a motorboat-like craft and was much faster, approaching them quickly with two soldiers inside. They stared at the group in disbelief for a moment before anything was said.

"Where does your allegiance lie?" one of the soldiers asked firmly.

"Balamb," everyone on the raft blurted quickly, with the acceptation of Cloud who wasn't listening. Irvine gave Reno and Rude quizzical looks. The other soldier nudged his friend and pointed at Irvine and Leon.

"You're students? I wasn't aware there was a deployment nearby," he said.

"There isn't," the first soldier said.

"We were deployed months ago in Dollet to help with the anaconduar problem in the summer," Irvine explained. The soldiers in the boat stared at them wordlessly as the facts clicked together.

"Holy shit!" one of them barked. "I remember hearing about you guys! We need to get you home. Come on. All of you," he said holding his hands out to whoever got to him first. Irvine was quick to scramble into the other vessel, followed by Reno and Rude. Leon handed off Cloud to them and followed him in, situating himself on one of the bench seats with the blonde flopped over in his lap.

One of the soldiers drove while the other talked excitedly into the radio to the other ship. The ride back to the safe haven was brief, and the crew on the ship lowered the chains that picked the boat out of the water and raised it level with the deck so everyone could get out easily. Reno helped shove Cloud onto Leon's back so the blonde wouldn't get left behind and the group followed the pair of soldiers down into the lower decks. Being amongst a large group of people, friendly people, was not only a relief, but a surreal experience for Leon. The people in Winhill were nice enough, but there was an underlying hate for Cloud that kept him from really enjoying the experience of the strained civility. The brunette felt a little self conscious now that he had less to worry about as well. Everyone was giving them strange looks, and he knew in the back of his mind that it was probably because they had just been pulled out of the ocean, but he was painfully aware of the wound on his face and he couldn't stop thinking about it.

They were led to a cabin that had several sets of bunk beds and not much else. The military wasn't known for their lavish living quarters, so there wasn't much more that they could expect, but a proper bed on a box spring versus a concrete slab was the epitome of luxury to Leon right then. Irvine shared his sentiments and quickly flopped onto a mattress and claimed it as his own. One night on a decent bed in Winhill was not enough to erase the months of fitful sleep they had put up with. Leon settled Cloud on a bottom bunk and tucked him in before pulling himself up to the top bunk and oozing into the mattress like a slug. Reno fussed with Rude on their own set of beds but eventually settled in as well. The soldiers that had led them there had the grace to keep everyone away and let them relax, closing the door behind them without any questions. Once the light was out and all was quiet, sleep was almost immediate.

* * *

Cloud was happy to be home in Nibelheim again. He finally got away from What's His Name (Leon) and The Other One (Reno) and was back in his safe little town surrounded by the people that actually cared about him. Aerith wasn't dead, his home wasn't a burnt out husk of a building, and he still had friends he could pal around with and feel comfortable. The first few days of adjusting back into civilian life were difficult, but Aerith was there, as beautiful as ever, to lead him through it with her infinite patience. Her love somehow magically kept Mako withdrawal at bay and he felt better than he had in years.

Suddenly, it was two years later. They were married, and had a son. It was the proudest time in Cloud's life and he just couldn't stop smiling. He had a family. A proper family where he could feel secure and live in their tiny bubble of happiness, not worrying about the rest of the world and all the awful things it had to offer. He couldn't ask for much more than that. He was content to live his life quietly, raising his son as best as he could in a peaceful place where the war couldn't reach.

Peace. It sounded nice.

One day, the kitchen sink had sprung a leak and Cloud, being the manly man that he was, had to fix it because that's what men do. He spent an hour or so fussing with the plumbing and swearing at it, but he eventually fixed it and went to go tell Aerith that he had finished. She was sitting outside in the backyard, on a swing that was hung from a tree he couldn't remember being there, humming to herself peacefully while their son played in the grass. Her back was to him, and he quietly snuck up behind her and slid his hands around her waist, hugging her from behind. She startled and started to laugh, but in the middle of her laughing, she started choking.

"Aerith?" Cloud asked with concern laced in his voice. He stood straight again and turned the swing around to see his love's face, but he immediately took a step back, horrified by what he saw. Aerith was staring at him with vacant holes where her eyes used to be with blood dripping out of her open mouth. She didn't say anything, the choking gag reverberating from the back of her throat being the only sound coming from her. The blonde's heart leapt up into his windpipe and made him hold his breath, staring wide-eyed and open mouthed at the body on the swing. Aerith's side started to bleed, the skin and fabric of her dress splitting open to almost halfway through her abdomen, pouring blood into the grass. She started to lean back, her spine bending unhealthy as she literally split in half and her top half slid backwards off the swing. Her bottom half fell forward, landing with a loud _splat_ on the grass, sending a splatter of blood into Cloud's face. He startled and stared glassy eyed at the now empty swing as Aerith's choking continued to echo through his head. He had to remember to breathe, but when he did, he was panting as the hysterics started bubbling up and took over.

He screamed.

* * *

"Cloud!" Leon yelled as he backhanded his Charge across the face. The blonde's eyes flew wide open with another yelp. He sat up quickly, his breath escaping him in great heaves. His gaze was vacant, empty as he stared at his blanket. The brunette put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him but the blonde immediately pulled away, turning wide and scared eyes to him, staring at him like he was an alien. Leon put his hands up defensively. "It's okay. You were screaming in your sleep. I'm sorry I startled you," he said in a calm and even tone. Cloud's breathing slowed to normalcy and his eyes grew a little more focused as he processed what the Carrier had said. He looked around.

"Where are we?" he asked, his voice a little hoarse and unsure. He was still halfway in the dark about what was happening, and he wasn't entirely awake yet either. All he could think about was the tiny snippets of his dream sloshed together with brief moments in time from their previous day together. He could remember a raft and being cold, and Sephiroth, but not much else.

"We're on a ship headed back to Balamb. You don't remember being picked up?" Leon asked. The blonde shook his head, his posture slouching a bit with a sigh. "Well, whatever, that's where we are. Everyone else has been awake for a while. I came back down here to wake you up because we're getting close to the port."

"Okay…" Cloud trailed, picking at the blanket and watching his hands. He sort of felt like crawling under a rock and staying there for the rest of his life. He sighed again. "I'm up."

"Are you alright?"

"Not any worse than I was before, I guess."

"Do you feel okay?"

"…No."

"What's hurting?" Leon asked, assuming it was the blonde's stomach or something. Cloud shook his head.

"Don't worry about it. Just forget it," he said flatly, slowly shuffling to the edge of his bed and attempting to stand. It took him several tries before he gave up and sat with a huff. His legs wouldn't cooperate with him and every time he stood, his thighs shook enough to make it impossible to put any weight on them. Leon stood and went to help him stand, slinging the blonde's arm around his shoulders and holding him around the waist. Cloud didn't protest or react much and just stared at the floor.

"Bathroom?" Leon asked. The blonde nodded.

"I don't need you to come in with me. Just need to get there."

"Good. I'm not volunteering to wipe your ass for you."

"That's comforting," Cloud grunted.

* * *

Seifer was aware of the rescued vigilantes being aboard the ship. He didn't care to interact with them until the next day mostly because he had been asleep when they were brought aboard. The soldiers tried to wake him up, but he told them all to go fuck themselves and that he was just there for the ride. He didn't know who had been rescued, exactly, but he knew they couldn't _possibly_ be important enough to interrupt his beauty sleep. Being on the ship was relaxing for him. He was away from the stressors in his life and being the general's son, no one messed with him. It was one of the few advantages he could see being related to his father.

When he woke up the next morning, however, and actually saw who was aboard the ship with them, he almost had a heart attack. There were a lot of problems caused in his life after Leon and Irvine had disappeared, none of which could be fixed just by bringing them back. He didn't talk to either of his fellow cadets right away because he had no idea what to say. He had made a royal ass of himself in front of his peers after they got back from Dollet, and the pair showing up again was more proverbial mud on his face. Regardless, after the initial shock wore off, he made his way to the deck to speak to them.

"Oh. It's _you_ two. Everyone thinks you're both dead," he said with a smug smirk on his face. Leon, who had Cloud on his back, and Irvine turned to the familiar voice. They were both surprised to see Seifer.

"Well, we're not. Hello to you too," Leon said.

"Selphie thinks I'm dead? Seriously?" Irvine asked. Seifer nodded.

"She was crying her eyes out for a week. Rinoa too."

"Fuck…" Leon said. He had forgotten Rinoa existed.

"You said it," Irvine agreed with a sigh, but for different reasons. He couldn't imagine the anguish Selphie felt and to just up and appear in her life again would be somewhat of a psychological slap across the face. He just hoped it would end well. A long awkward silence passed between the cadets.

"So, what happened? Where you been?" Seifer asked. Irvine and Leon exchanged glances.

"Don't want to talk about it," they said in tandem. Seifer scowled, but wasn't such an asshole that he would push the subject. He assumed it hadn't been a positive experience for them just by looking at them. Aside from Leon's obvious damage to his face, they both had lost a noticeable amount of weight and looked like they had the entire world weighing down their shoulders. Tired, beaten, and homesick, neither one of the former prisoners wanted to talk until they could get back to feeling somewhat normal. Regardless of where they were really headed, they both felt like they would wake up in the morning and be back in their cells; they just hadn't been outside long enough.

"Okay, well, who's that?" Seifer asked, pointing to the pair of legs dangling from around Leon's waist. Cloud was half asleep again, staring out into the ocean at nothing in particular.

"This is Cloud."

"Doesn't look like any cloud I've ever seen," Seifer said.

"I know, right?" Irvine chimed. Leon rolled his eyes and turned to the side, forcing Seifer into Cloud's line of sight. The Charge blinked at the other blonde and didn't make much of a move to say anything. Seifer squinted at the color of the soldier's eyes.

"He's from Midgar."

"Yes," Leon said. The tone of Seifer's voice had changed dramatically and the Carrier could almost smell the hate radiating off of him. His stomach felt like a rock had been dropped in it. That meager bit of hopefulness he had that they were finally going somewhere semi-peaceful was snuffed out and replaced with a scowl. It didn't matter that Seifer was only one person in the entire country. They virtually lived together at the school and Leon felt he would have to be attached to Cloud like a barnacle in order to avoid any incidents.

"Why the fuck would you bring him here? He's not welcome," Seifer spat.

"And why do you think you're the one to determine that? Balamb has an open immigration policy."

"Yeah, and how many people from Midgar did you meet there, hm? The government says they're welcome but the people think otherwise, let me tell you. He's not welcome."

"And what do you expect me to do with him? Dump him overboard?" Leon asked with an acidic inflection.

"Yeah, actually, I do," Seifer said.

"Fuck you. Do the country a favor and throw yourself overboard if you want to save them so much grief," Leon said, glaring daggers into the other's face. Reno, who had been missing up until that point, stepped around the corner and saw the group in the near distance. Leon and Seifer started to argue over whether or not Cloud had the right to be in Balamb and the redhead furrowed his brows. Irvine was just standing off to the side looking between the pair. Reno made his way over to them after listening for a few minutes. He put on a cocky flirtatious face and hooked his arm with Seifer's, causing the taller blonde to startle and look at him.

"Who the fuck are you?" Seifer hissed. Reno chuckled under breath and ran a hand up the cadet's chest.

"Baby, I'm anybody you _want_ me to be," he purred with a sly smile. The blonde wrenched his arm away from the Carrier and stepped back as if he had been burned. "Whass'a matter? Don't like redheads? That's okay. I'll change my color for you if you like," Reno twittered.

"You know him?" Seifer asked, pointing at Reno while looking at Leon. The brunette nodded with a tiny shrug.

"Yeah."

"The fuck did you get into over there? Fucking freaks. Disgusting," Seifer spat, throwing his hands up in the air. He glared at Reno for a few seconds before leaving in a huff, stomping off towards the door that led into the lower cabins. Rude was on his way through the door as it was pulled open and Seifer startled, having to look up at the bald Charge's face; something he rarely had to do with his stature. Rude brushed past him, heading to the group, and that was the cadet's cue to twitch a little before heading inside.

"What did the medic say?" Reno asked as his Charge approached. Rude coughed a few times, the rattling sound reverberating out of his lungs and making everyone frown for him.

"To see a proper doctor when we disembark," he said. Reno patted his back a few times with worried eyes.

"Well, we're almost there. You'll be better soon."


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 46

The City of Balamb, to Cloud, was shocking. His idea of large cities was skewed by only ever seeing Midgar, and that particular one wasn't the cleanest. Sure, the upper districts of the capitol were nice and had paved streets, but the parts he saw were dirty and ramshackle. Dirt streets, cloth draped over windows to keep the draft out, tiny shacks in between taller buildings that weren't much better, and a populace that was best described as undesirable. Little did he know that his mother had lived much of her life in such an environment.

So to see Balamb, a thriving metropolis with white stone buildings, picture glass windows, doors that didn't look like they were falling apart, flowering plants in decorative planters and window boxes, and cobbled streets that varied in color depending on what angle one was looking at it, was a new experience. The people seemed like the ones he knew in Nibelheim; neighborly, happy, peaceful, and polite. The only difference between Nibelheim's populace and Balamb's was the variation in clothing, which, to Cloud, meant a difference in income. The people from his home town tended to have a lot of hand-sewn country clothing from fabrics that were sometimes not of the highest quality. Occasionally he would see a dress on a girl that her parents must have saved up for years to purchase, but it was a rarity. In Balamb, however, the soft and flowing fabrics were commonplace.

Being in such a strange place was surreal and made Cloud feel a little inferior; like he was too dirty or too simple to walk on the nice clean streets. Even the militant differences were fascinating. The uniforms were much more elaborate than what he was accustomed to, and everyone seemed healthy and well groomed. In addition to that, seeing female soldiers threw him for a loop and confused him to no end. Women weren't supposed to be in the battlefield, in his opinion. It just wasn't okay in just about every aspect. Coupling all those details along with the fact that he couldn't understand a word anyone was saying made him tense up and watch the scenery around him with wide, slightly fearful eyes.

Leon honestly thought Cloud fell asleep again because the blonde was so quiet. He just followed his friends, who were following the Captain, off the transport ship and into the docks. They were led all the way into General Almasy's office where the man stayed for ninety-five percent of his day. He was pacing, as he usually was, in front of the communication's terminal. The Captain explained who they were, where they were found, and what happened to the best of his knowledge. Leon set Cloud down in a chair and was surprised to find the blonde awake. The Charge simply sat quietly, looking around with an uneasy expression. General Almasy sat everyone else down and listened with a sharp interest.

"So explain to me what exactly happened to you all?" he asked. Leon and Irvine exchanged looks with one another, unsure of what they should say.

"We were captured during our deployment in Dollet in the spring. We were taken to a prison outside of Galbadia where we were kept for… however long we were gone. We were chased as we escaped, there was a confrontation in Winhill where we had stayed for the evening, and when we were leaving there, we were attacked by a big… thing," Irvine explained.

"Bahamut," the General said.

"Right, and then we were floating around at sea and that's where we were found. That's pretty much all that happened."

"So I know _your_ story. What about them?" the man asked impatiently, motioning to Reno, Rude, and Cloud.

"They helped us escape the prison and wanted to come with us," Leon said before Irvine could interject.

"Did they give you a valid reason?"

"Midgar sucks," Reno said. Rude stared at the floor tiredly, obvious bags starting to form under his eyes as his condition deteriorated. The Charge started to cough again, making the General raise a brow at the awful hoarseness escaping him. The redhead patted his Charge's back.

"I wasn't aware you spoke the language," the General said, keeping everything straight business. Reno nodded and pointed to Cloud and Rude in turn.

"They're the only ones who don't."

"I see," the man said, stepping to the blonde and bending so they were face-to-face. Cloud leaned away from him, furrowing his brows. "Just a foot soldier?" the General asked, his eyes harsh and scrutinizing.

"Yes," Leon answered. The General huffed and stood again, seeing Cloud to be useless to him.

"Fine. I don't have the time to interrogate all of you properly. You will all report to Balamb Garden where Cid Kramer will process you all, search you, and keep you under close watch. So if you have something to hide, I suggest you do it now," the man said gruffly, looking them all over carefully. "I will send word that you're all on your way. You're excused."

"Is there a doctor nearby that we can go see, first?" Reno asked, rubbing Rude's shoulders. General Almasy turned to him, face cold.

"The medical staff at the Garden will suffice," he clipped. The redhead gave him an acidic glare that was promptly ignored.

* * *

There were a lot of questions to be answered, but no one wanted to take the initiative to accomplish anything. The ride to Balamb Garden was quiet. Everyone was piled into a transport van and bussed to the school, all while the air grew more and more tense. To Leon, Cloud looked the most distraught. The blonde leaned against the side of the van, staring at the floor with a vacant expression. A part of the Carrier wanted to give him a hug and tell him everything was okay, but he knew better and kept his distance. The last thing he needed was to upset his Charge further. Seifer was riding with them and kept a sharp eye on the other blonde, watching for any sort of funny business. Cloud didn't even notice him.

It was still relatively early in the afternoon when they arrived so the welcoming party was small. Headmaster Cid, his wife Edea, Doctor Kadowaki, and Quistis were all who met them in the school's garage. Surprisingly, Quistis was reduced to tears when she saw Leon and Irvine climb out of the transport. Both cadets were startled when she ran to them and threw her arms around their necks, hugging them with a relieved sob. Irvine hugged her back, but Leon couldn't as he was holding Cloud up, who was attached to his back in the normal koala fashion.

"I'm so sorry, boys! I should have been more diligent with the patrols!" she cried. "They were probably hiding in plain sight and if I had been more alert, I probably could have avoided everything," she added, stepping back and wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve. Neither Leon nor Irvine could figure out how what part of the circumstance was her fault.

"I have _no_ idea what you're going on about," Irvine blurted with furrowed brows. He looked to Leon. "Do _you_ blame her for anything?"

"No," the Carrier said, watching the woman closely. Quistis sniffled loudly and hiccupped a small laugh, sounding somewhat hysterical.

"You have no idea how much I've dwelled on this, wondering what went wrong. All I could come up with was that it was somehow my fault," she admitted. She looked them both over with a small smile, eyes puffy. "Thank you for not blaming me."

"I didn't know we were supposed to. If the soldiers who caught us were that easy to spot, you'd have thought they would've been caught before we even got there. It's not your fault. It was unavoidable," Irvine said. He laughed a little. "I'm just happy to be home. I'd rather not talk about it anymore if that's okay with you."

"That's totally okay," the woman agreed. She smiled. "Headmaster Cid would like to question you both at length, but I can see there are other things we need to tend to first," she said, peeking around Leon's shoulder at Cloud. She wiggled her fingers at him in a small wave. He did the same in return. Dr. Kadowaki was already speaking with Reno and Rude. Seifer was nowhere to be seen.

"He would probably prefer to be in a bed somewhere if there's one available," Leon said. Quistis nodded.

"Your rooms are still available. The year hasn't ended yet so we haven't had the opportunity to fill them. They have, however, been cleaned and all of your things have been packed up. Dr. Kadowaki would like to examine you both before the day is over, though," the instructor said, stepping to Leon and giving the cut on his face a stern look over. She gently touched the mark, making Leon pull away from her some.

"Don't touch it, please," he said flatly. She frowned.

"I have so many questions."

"I would prefer to not talk about it."

"I assumed as much. I don't have the clearance to give you actual counseling for any sort of trauma either of you may have, but I'd be more than willing to accommodate you both if you needed me for something else. Don't hesitate to ask."

"Ideally, I'd like to eat a massive steak, fall in the bed, sleep for twenty years, and wake up not feeling like I might die at any given second," Leon said. Quistis smiled.

"I can arrange that," she said. She looked to Irvine. "Anything specific I can get you?"

"I want to see Selphie," he said.

"Of course. Let's head inside and we can work on all of that. May as well get you all checked out first so you can focus on relaxing before the real work starts," the woman said, heading towards Headmaster Cid and Edea. Reno and Rude were already inside, following Dr. Kadowaki to the Infirmary. The Headmaster and his wife fell into line next to Leon with a calm smile as they all filed into the school.

"Rinoa has missed you," the man said to the Carrier, keeping his tone low.

"Has she?" Leon asked, not really sure what to say. The man nodded.

"She was so upset when she heard you were missing that she kept herself locked up in her room for almost a week. I had to barter with her to get her to come out again. She eventually did, just so we could go to the pet store and find her a dog. She still hasn't gotten over you, though. She spends most of her time outside with Angelo, pretty much ignoring everyone else. The effect you've had on her just adds to how happy I am that you're back. She will be thrilled. I expect tears," Cid explained with a smile.

"I see," Leon said flatly. Headmaster Cid patted him on the shoulder. Rinoa had been such a distant thought for so long that the idea of being together again as if nothing had happened was not only surreal, but unappealing. He was worried about being forced to deal with whatever angst she may have kept with herself, which would in turn make her extremely clingy. That was something he didn't want, never mind the fact that he had been iffy about their relationship even before he was captured. He wondered how cruel it would be if he told her he didn't want to be with her anymore after having been gone for so long.

It was the time of day where the student body was either involved in classes or at lunch. Their walk through the halls was quiet as they headed for the infirmary. There were a few students milling about that looked surprised to see everyone, but they made no fuss and simply shared a few whispers amongst themselves. Leon was acutely aware of the damage on his face as soon as he saw the first student turn to mutter something to her friend. The anxiety he felt amongst the populace was not something he missed while he was gone. It was just like he remembered it.

The Infirmary was empty save for Reno and Rude who had been placed in a room together. The redhead sat next to his Charge's bed with worry on his face while a nurse looked Rude over. Leon and Cloud were ushered into the room next door to them. The Carrier set the blonde on the edge of the bed and plopped himself in a chair. Cloud had absolutely no idea what was happening and watched the room with wide confused eyes. Irvine was taken to an exam room away from them and the pair was left by themselves for a moment.

"Where are we?" the blonde asked. The school itself and its accoutrements screamed of a surplus of money. He felt the same way as he did in the city: dirty and substandard. Everything was pristine and made of high quality materials. Even the sheets on the Infirmary bed were soft and pleasant to feel. There were also a lot of machines and things he had never seen before even though he had been in and out of medical facilities often enough in Midgar to know what should be where. He had no idea what any of the things were called or what they did, but their familiar shapes told him 'yes, I'm in the hospital again.' There were those same machines in his current room plus many more. To Leon, it still wasn't enough, but he was happier knowing that Cloud was in a place that was at least half as good as what he had back in Plane 001.

"Balamb Garden. A military school. This is where I lived before we met," Leon explained, his voice sounding tired.

"Oh. So… is this where we're supposed to be? Or is there more?"

"We'll be leaving here as soon as I know you're alright. I said before that we're going somewhere that's completely different from your world. The entire world. Not just Midgar."

"This is a whole new world to me," Cloud said. Leon shrugged.

"You'll understand more when we get there. For now, the doctor will look you over and we can see about helping you feel better."

"Mako would make me feel better."

"No, it just masks the problem," the brunette said, casting a sideways glare at his Charge. The blonde shrugged and leaned over to unlace his boots.

"I can't help it if a mask makes me feel better," he said simply, toeing off his shoes.

"You may think it helps but it's hurting you more than you think it is."

"And what makes you an expert on everything ever? All I know is that I need it. I'm so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired, that I just want some Mako to take the edge off. It doesn't even have to be all that much. I just want to be able to walk to the fucking toilet by myself," Cloud grumped, pulling his legs up on the bed and rolling onto his side, giving his back to Leon.

"It's killing you."

"So what if it is? Let me die with a little dignity; the ability to do things for myself is a good way to have that."

"You're telling me to give you what you want even though you know it's killing you. I'm doing everything in my power to make sure you _don't_ die. What makes you think I'm going to just give in and give you what you want just because you're whining at me? The shit's toxic, Cloud. There's no way I'm going to let you destroy yourself for the sake of your pride," Leon explained.

"Pride is just about the only thing I have anymore and even that's getting pretty damn slim. You're dragging me across the entire fucking planet because you apparently need my help with whatever it is you do, and yet you won't help me be functional. What use am I if I can't even walk?"

"There's other ways of going about this. I don't need you perfectly healthy right this second, though it would be nice. I'm willing to help you through healing naturally and if it takes a while, then it takes a while. We're not going to be working together for some time, yet. Just get over this initial hump of your addiction and we can work on getting you up to speed afterward."

"And how long do you think _that_ will take? If I'm not better in twenty years, I'm not so sure what use I'll be if I'm about to die from old age anyway," Cloud said. Leon furrowed his brows. It took him a minute to remember that the life expectancy in Midgar was extremely short. To Cloud, being in his late thirties or early forties sounded elderly at best.

"Don't worry about aging. I can't explain it very well right now, but—"

"I'll understand later. Yeah, yeah, you say that a lot."

"Well, it's true. If I had some sort of visual aid I'm sure I could help you more."

"Whatever," the blonde spat. He was tired of the open ended promises and the unknowns surrounding Leon. The idea of leaving once he was better was a very promising outlook. Dr. Kadowaki came in shortly thereafter and approached Cloud's bedside. The Charge looked up at her with eyes that were ghosting along the lines of bloodshot and played out his entire life's story. It was clear to the woman that there was a lot more to Cloud's poor health than just a life of being a Midgar soldier. She looked to Leon.

"I'll be with you in a minute, dear. Go ahead and step outside so I can examine him," she said kindly. Leon furrowed his brows.

"I don't want to leave. I told him I'd stick around and be his translator," he protested. She shook her head and looked to Cloud.

"Do you want him to stay?" she asked, speaking the blonde's language. The soldier blinked at her emptily. Leon sighed.

"Uh… stay for what?" he asked, surprised that she was someone he could understand.

"I need to examine you. All of you. I would need you to take off your clothes."

"Um, no thanks. I'd rather keep them on," Cloud said, scowling. Dr. Kadowaki was not someone he wanted to be naked around. Leon as well for that matter, even though it was clear to him that the Carrier had seen all of him at some point in his life even if he didn't completely understand how. At the very least the doctor was a woman. It just so happened that she was an older woman and completely unappealing. Cloud wasn't one for being naked around people he didn't want to have sex with.

"Cloud, just do it. She needs to know what she's working with so she can help you," Leon said harshly. He stood and headed for the door, taking the hint that he wasn't needed. Dr. Kadowaki being bilingual wasn't a crime, but it did make him feel less useful to Cloud. He didn't like how easy it was for things concerning his Charge to hurt him. He sighed, stepping out into the waiting area where Reno was already.

"Kicked you out, did they? Me too," the redhead said, giving his friend worried eyes. Leon shrugged.

"Dr. Kadowaki wants Cloud to sit around naked for her, I suppose I should give him some privacy," the brunette said, taking a seat. "Not that it matters."

"I know, right? Watch a guy be naked for… however old Cloud is, and it sort of takes away some of the fascination."

"He's eighteen."

"Right. Good for you to remember, because I won't," Reno said with a tiny laugh.

"My fascination with his nudity died a long while ago. The only time I didn't mind it was when he was an infant because he was so…" Leon trailed, furrowing his brows a bit. "Fat. Pliable."

"Pliable?" Reno asked with a snort. "That's not a word that should be associated with babies."

"You don't remember him? I was sure that if he tried hard enough he could've squeezed under a door. I could hardly believe he had a skeleton under all that flub."

"I don't remember him very well from that long ago, no. I remember Rude, though."

"I suppose that's to be expected," Leon said, crossing his arms over his chest. "He's always going to be fat to me. I'll never forget it," he added. Reno watched his expression with a small knowing smile. The brunette raised a brow at him. "What?"

"You love him," the redhead said. Leon made a disgruntled face.

"How do you figure? Because I prefer hanging around fat, quiet, Baby Cloud as opposed to loud, abusive, asshole, Adult Cloud? Uh… no. No thanks. If that's what love is, I don't want any."

"But when you talk about him, you sound so much happier. I don't understand it, myself, so that's the best I could come up with."

"Yeah, well, I don't love him so… leave it alone."

"Whatever you say, man," the redhead said, folding his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. Leon didn't know what to feel. There were so many moments when he was watching Cloud grow up where he felt so strongly towards the blonde. There wasn't a time were the Carrier didn't stop caring about him, but he was completely aware that he didn't feel love like Reno was insinuating. Possessive over protectiveness was not grounds for disgusting lovebird tendencies. Cloud was his Charge. Not his lover. End of story. There was a huge separation there that Leon kept in his line of sight at all times.

"What's Rude's prognosis? Did they say anything?" the brunette asked, changing the subject.

"They don't know for certain yet, but from the sounds of it he probably has pneumonia. I'm not surprised," Reno said, his tone flat and quiet. He sat forward and rested his elbow on his knee and his chin on his palm. He sighed. "It's not an absolute death sentence, but I'm still worried," he added. Leon reached over and rubbed between his friend's shoulder blades.

"Let me know if you need me to do anything," he said. Reno looked to him with wide pathetic eyes.

"Hold me?"

"…No."

"But you said—"

"I know what I said."

"Oh come on. I've had a shit day."

"Me too."

"You don't want any hugs?"

"I don't want to hold you at the moment."

"But later?" Reno asked, his mood perking up considerably. Leon raised a brow.

"Are you that desperate for affection?"

"Yes! Dude, you have no idea. My Charge almost died. That was the scariest thing I have _ever_ had happen to me and I haven't really stopped since it happened. I'm beat. I just… I don't know. I'm being a wimp, but I don't really care. In a perfect world, I'd be in there with Rude and hugging on _him_, but I'm not. It sucks," Reno said with a light sigh, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Leon patted his shoulder.

"If I ever get back to my room, I need to find my change code and change. You can come take a nap with me then if you want to," he said flatly. Reno nodded and turned his face to rest his cheek on his knee.

There was a rambunctious clattering as something metal was knocked over in one of the rooms. The nurse from Rude's room rushed out to see what the problem was, but the waiting room was quiet. Cloud started yelling in a frantic and panicked voice, which was then followed by Dr. Kadowaki's neutral voice trying to calm him down. Leon was on his feet in an instant and threw the door open again. His Charge was on the floor, in a hospital gown, and had squished himself in a corner, making himself as small as possible while watching Dr. Kadowaki with wide terrified eyes. A cart of basic check-up implements as well as a few syringes had toppled over in the blonde's rush to get away. It took a minute for Leon to notice, but a piece of the side railing of the hospital bed was missing with shards of plastic scattered on the floor beneath it. The majority of the piece was belted to Cloud's arm.

"What happened?" Leon asked, heading for Cloud. The blonde looked up at him, his breath leaving him in heavy pants.

"She's trying to kill me! What kind of sick fucking place did you bring me to? How is this helping?" his Charge barked. Leon looked to Dr. Kadowaki who was holding an empty syringe.

"What did you do?" he asked. She let out a sigh.

"I was attempting to take a blood sample. He wouldn't hold still so I had to restrain his arm, but once I did that, he ripped the railing off the bed and crawled over there. I have _no_ idea where that strength came from. Scared the life out of me," she said, holding a hand to her chest.

"What kind of awful place is this where you take people's blood? Fucking freaks," Cloud spat. Leon rubbed his forehead with a tired sigh. The blonde's only exposure to a semi-normal doctor's office was when he was an infant, and when he was at the training camp prior to being recruited. One instance he couldn't remember, and the other was the equivalent of being a science experiment. The Carrier was starting to wonder if there was some legitimate post traumatic stress that stemmed from the rest of the blonde's life versus only what he did to Aerith. He didn't know what his Charge's mind decided to remember in times of high stress, even if most of the memories had been veiled behind massive amounts of Mako in the past.

"It's normal, Cloud. They take a little bit and test it to make sure you're healthy and don't have any weird diseases," the brunette explained. The blonde stared at him with furrowed brows.

"I feel like shit because I need Mako. Not because I'm diseased. I'm fine," he said with a huff, resting his chin on his knees.

"You don't know that for sure. It'll take five seconds. Just let her do it," Leon insisted.

"No. It's weird."

"I know it is, but it has to happen if you're going to get better."

"No."

"Come on, Cloud."

"No."

"Cloud."

"No."

"Cloud."

"No."

"Cloud."

"Eat a dick."

Leon sighed, rolling his eyes. "Can you _please_ not be an ass for three minutes and just do what I ask?"

"Fuck you."

"Fine," the brunette said, turning on his heel and heading for the door. Cloud's eyes flicked between Dr. Kadowaki and the Carrier, trying to decipher the lesser of the two evils.

"Wait," the blonde said, making Leon stop and look at him with an impatient expression. "You do it."

"Me? Why?" the brunette asked confusedly. The change in opinion was random and didn't make much sense to him.

"Because I'm your Change or whatever, remember?"

"My Charge."

"Right. That."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" Leon asked.

"No, but I'd rather look at your girl face than her old lady face if I have to be stuck here," Cloud said. Dr. Kadowaki let out an insulted huff and put her hands on her hips. Reno abruptly giggled from where he had been listening in the doorway. Leon was not amused. He was insulted, not to mention the logic confused him. However, he couldn't ignore the fact that his Charge was asking for his help.

"Whatever," he said, walking over to Cloud and holding his hands out to him. The blonde lifted his arms to take the assistance, but Leon stopped him and undid the fastenings that kept the chunk of railing strapped to his arm. He dropped it on the floor and pulled Cloud to his feet and led him back to his bed. The blonde laid back, suddenly tired. "How did you manage to kill the railing?" Leon asked.

"I don't remember doing it," Cloud said. He glanced at the doorway where Reno was leaving and going back to his seat in the waiting room since the show was over. The blonde caught sight of Rude's nurse doing the same and pointed towards her. "Wait, I want her to do it instead."

"Who? Oh," Leon asked, looking towards the nurse. She was young, possibly even a student, and fairly attractive.

"I like her girl face better than your girl face," Cloud said to the Carrier. Dr. Kadowaki rolled her eyes.

"Well, you're stuck with me. She has another patient and your friend here isn't a doctor. So sorry, but that's what it's going to have to be. I'll be finished in a minute; just give me that long," she said impatiently. The blonde raised a brow at her before looking to Leon.

"Him? He's not my friend. I hardly remember his name."

Leon scowled. "Oh, _thanks_. You're such an ass."

"What was your name again?" Cloud asked. The brunette glared at him, not finding the humor in the joke. Only, his Charge wasn't joking. "I'm serious. I hardly remember this morning, let alone anything before that. Sorry."

"Really?" Leon quirked a brow at him, trying to figure out if he really was serious or if he was just making an effort to fool him. Cloud nodded.

"It's Squall. Can we get back to the exam, please?" Dr. Kadowaki interjected unhappily. The Carrier furrowed his brows.

"Squall. Okay," Cloud confirmed, picking at his gown.

_God damn it_, Leon thought with a heavy sigh. That wasn't the right name. "Are you going to flip out again if I leave?" he asked.

"I don't think so," the blonde said. He honestly couldn't remember flipping out the first time, though he remembered the fear. The actual physical activity was lost in a sea of suppressed memories. It wasn't uncommon for the residual Mako that was left in soldier's bodies to reemerge in times of high stress, gathering in one spot on the body and making it stronger than the rest of them. In this case, it was Cloud's arm as he pulled away from the needle. It then recalculated back into his body and evened out, the initial rush of which making it feel like he had gotten a fresh injection. But it was extremely temporary, and doubtful that he'd be able to do it very many times again.

"I'll give you something to help you relax once I get what I need," Dr. Kadowaki said, moving to retrieve new vials and needles. Leon left the room again and went to sit next to Reno.

"Well that was fun," the redhead said with a small laugh.

"Not really," Leon said flatly.

Dr. Kadowaki emerged from Cloud's room not too long after that and waved for Leon to follow her into another exam room. The brunette did as he was instructed and went into the room and sat on the padded table. He winced a little, his backside giving him a sharp twinge of pain. It was a painful reminder of what his Charge had done to him. The doctor didn't notice and went to wash her hands in the sink and pull on a new pair of gloves.

"How is he?" Leon asked. The woman shrugged.

"Asleep. I was going to do a full physical on him but I can only imagine how he would react to me checking his prostate if he can't even handle me drawing blood. Once his tests come back, we'll know more. For now, he's sedated," she said.

"I'm sorry he's so… rude."

"He is what he is. I can only imagine the inhospitable environment he grew up in. I almost expected it."

"Yeah, well, still. I'm sorry."

"Thank you. It's no problem, though," she said, wiping her hands dry with a paper towel. "Go ahead and get undressed behind the curtain."

"Undressed," the Carrier deadpanned, his voice conveying a huge amount of skepticism.

"Yes. Undressed."

"But I'm fine. I don't need to do that. Taking care of my face is enough," he defended. There was more than one reason he didn't want to be naked.

"Not you too. Come on. It'll take me ten minutes to look you over," the doctor chastised, stooping to pull a paper gown from the lower cabinet under the sink. She held it out to him.

"But—"

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Squall. We've been here once already, remember?"

"I know but—"

"Stop. Get behind the curtain," she said sternly. Leon's eyes flicked between the woman's placid face and the gown. Knowing she wasn't going to relent, he sighed and took the garment from her and shuffled behind the curtain to get undressed. He tried not to look at himself in the mirror, knowing full well that he look absolutely awful. That wasn't his problem, though. The weight loss was a forgettable issue. In an effort to keep the real problem hidden, he scooted out from behind the curtain, purposefully keeping his front facing the doctor until he could sit on the table again. The woman raised a brow.

"I need you to stay standing," she said, which was somewhat of a lie. It wasn't necessary just yet, but she saw what he was trying to do. Leon's hands were shaking a little as he sheepishly pushed himself off the table again. She went to stand behind him but he leaned back against the table and kept her from doing it. She frowned. "Squall, stop it. I need you to bend over and touch your toes so I can feel your spine."

"My spine is fine," he said. She sighed.

"Are you really going to stand here and make it this difficult? I know you know it's routine. Don't give me this grief."

"…Please don't make me," he asked, his hands starting to sweat from the anxiety.

"Do I need to get Headmaster Cid involved?"

"No."

"Then do as I ask. Ten minutes. That's all I need," she said. He took a deep breath and a moment to calm his nerves before he did as he was told. The woman went to stand behind him as he touched his toes but she stopped as soon as she saw what the problem was. She paled a little, and her voice held nothing but concern. "Oh sweetie, what happened?" she asked. Leon abruptly stood upright again and practically threw himself behind the curtain, embarrassment playing through his features.

"Nothing," he said flatly. There were two purpling bruises on his backside; one on either cheek. The sheer amount of force Cloud had used to rape him left lasting damage outside of the psychological. Leon tried his hardest to ignore it and had succeeded in doing so up until that point. He was forced to remember all the problems his Charge had caused him, which made caring about Cloud's wellbeing that much harder. As if the gash on his face wasn't enough of a reminder. Dr. Kadowaki didn't pursue him, and let him hide behind the curtain.

"I _will_ have to look you over eventually, but if you don't want me to right this second, then that's alright. However, I have to put it down in my report, which will bring attention to the problem and Headmaster Cid will probably insist I do the exam sooner rather than later anyway. My suggestion would be to let me do it now just to get it out of the way."

"Can't you just pretend you didn't see anything?" the Carrier asked, knowing full well that she wouldn't.

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

Leon took a minute to assess his options. Right that second, he felt weak. Helpless. Embarrassed and humiliated. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and not come out for a long while. However, if he ignored the exam now, his plan to sleep for eternity would be disrupted when it was actually time to get things done. He didn't want anyone's hands on him, let alone someone poking around in all of his crevices, but he knew it was going to happen eventually anyway, so why wait? His rational side won out in the end and he took a deep breath before coming back outside the curtain, hugging himself and keeping his eyes to the floor.

"What do you need me to do?"


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 47

After he made it clear that he wasn't willing to talk about what had happened to him, the rest of Leon's exam was relatively quiet. His cut was cleaned and wrapped, he had blood work drawn, and he was prescribed lots of fluids, food, and rest. He was given his room key and sent on his way afterward. As he left the exam room, his mood had sunk to the lowest it had been for a long while. He hated so much about so many things right then that it was a surprise he still had the desire to live. Reno was still in the waiting room when he came out and raised a brow at the positively abysmal expression the brunette wore on his face. He frowned.

"Did the evil doctor kick your puppy?" he asked, lightly teasing. Leon gave him no heed and simply walked past him.

"I'm not in the mood to joke, Reno," was all he said. The other Carrier hurried to catch up, casting a glance at his sedated Charge as he went. Once out into the hall, he placed a hand between Leon's shoulder blades, attempting to rub his back and help him feel better. The brunette visibly jumped and pulled away from him. Reno caught a glimpse of a split second streak of white-hot fear that bolted through his friend's eyes before he quieted again.

"Are you okay? What did she do to you?" he asked worriedly.

"She made me remember."

"Remember? Wh—oh. Oh," Reno said, his eyes watching the floor.

"I don't want to be touched right now."

"Okay. Did you still want to take a nap?"

"Yes."

"Okay," the redhead said with a tiny smile. They headed off towards the dormitory wing, Reno looking around at all the shiny architecture with wide and fascinated eyes. He preferred Balamb to Midgar, just as he thought he would. However, he preferred the Shumi Village over them both. He looked forward to going back there with Rude in tow. "This place is amazing. It sure as hell beats my dumpy little apartment and room at the prison."

"If I had a choice, and there wasn't any more fighting, I'd stay here," Leon admitted.

The brunette was thankful that the hallways were empty. Dr. Kadowaki had already asked him way too many questions and he really didn't want anyone to stop him and have him repeat himself. Empty hallways also meant no Rinoa. He was sure he would see her before the day was over, but he was glad he would be able to sleep beforehand. He wasn't sure how long his patience would hold up if he had to deal with her clingy bullshit right then. Reno followed him with minimal questions, and even then, the ones he did ask weren't about Leon himself. They were mostly about the school and what it was like to live there.

Leon's room had been packed up with the boxes stacked neatly in the front gathering space of his dorm. The task of going through them to find his chain and change code was daunting even if there weren't that many. With Reno's help, though, it went fairly quick. The redhead handed off the brunette's chain to him. Changing into his Primal form seemed like such a foreign concept to Leon. His lengthy isolation made adjusting back into a normal routine surreal. The longer he was out and amongst normal society, the more he realized what a difficult adjustment it would be to go back to the way things were. Only, they wouldn't be completely the same ever again. He had Cloud with him now.

He closed himself off in his bedroom so he could disrobe and remove his bandages in peace without Reno giving him worried sympathetic looks. Shedding his skin made the stress and tension in his joints dissipate with each pop and crack of his limbs. He had always been more comfortable in his Primal form than his Implant, and this particular occasion was no exception. It also helped peel some of the layers of damage away from the cut on his face. The mark would still scar, and feel a little different than the rest of his skin, but the healing time would be cut back significantly. However, his bruises and internal trauma from Cloud would still be there until it went away naturally.

"I missed this," Reno said when the lion padded out of his bedroom. He knelt and stuffed his hands in the cat's mane and fluffed it around with a smile. Leon wasn't nearly as bothered by this sort of contact and closed his eyes, reveling in the affection. The vision was bittersweet for the redhead. Sweet because his friend's Primal was soft and huggable to him, but bitter because it still showed the damage he had incurred. The cat's ribs were showing more than they should have, his old scars just barely peeked through the short fur on his chest and stomach, and his eyes weren't as bright as they once were. After a few minutes of petting, Leon pulled away and headed back towards his bedroom where he pulled himself up on the bed and lay with his back against the wall.

Reno shuffled out of the majority of his own clothing and crawled into Leon's bed with him and pulled the covers up to his chin. He gently combed his fingers through his friend's mane, coaxing the cat to sleep. Deep even breathing was soon to befall Leon and the redhead smiled a bit, happy to see the other so peaceful. Reno himself was exhausted by the last couple weeks as well and settled in for their nap with one of Leon's arms draped over his waist.

* * *

The sun was setting by the time either of the Carriers woke up. The only reason they did, however, was because there was an incessant knocking on the dorm room door and a shrill and excited voice calling Leon's pseudonym from out in the hallway. The brunette, still in his Primal form, was completely oblivious and kept sleeping as if he had died. Reno, on the other hand, was awake enough to assume that the girl outside was Rinoa. Just by the tone of her voice, he could tell she was going to be a handful. The redhead let out a long sigh and sat up, brushing his fingers through his hair a few times attempting to fix his bed head. He leaned over Leon's face and whispered in his thick fluffy ear.

"Good morning sunshine. Your girlfriend is here to see you," he cooed with a tiny laugh. He wasn't sure Leon wanted anyone to know that they had napped together, so he kept his voice low. It took his friend several minutes to peel an eye open and look at him. He grinned. "I'm sorry in advance. Can you hear her?"

"I know you're in there, Squall. Why won't you answer?" Rinoa's pleading rang.

"Oh, she sounds like a keeper. Real dependant. Should make you feel like the man of the house to have her so wrapped around your finger; even after you were gone for so long," Reno said. Leon picked his head up and gave the door a lazy look over before letting out a grunt and resettling in for the rest of his snooze. The redhead laughed a little. "You might be able to sleep through her racket, but I can't. She's not going to leave until you answer, you know. If you let her go long enough, she might think you're dead."

Leon heaved a sigh. Reno pushed a few long pieces of fur around.

"Poor baby is so popular with the ladies."

_Lady. Singular. Can't imagine why, either,_ Leon thought. He slowly picked himself up off the bed and stood on it. As he stepped down onto the floor with his front paws, he took a minute to stretch, hunching his shoulders and flexing every muscle he had while dragging his back legs off the comforter. He stared at Reno expectantly, waiting for the redhead to get the hint that it was time to leave so he could get dressed. The other Carrier eventually did leave, taking a second to scoop up his clothes so he could get dressed in the gathering space.

When Leon was dressed and finally answered the door, the look of absolute disbelief on Rinoa's face made his chest hurt. The cut on his face was a lot healthier looking, but it was still not completely healed. The sight made the girl's eyes water, and she reached up to try and touch it. He let her, but made a face when her fingertips met the tender skin. She dropped her hands to press them to his chest and feel him through his t-shirt, making sure he was solid and not a figment of her imagination. After a moment of confirmation, she let out a strangled sob and abruptly hugged him, pressing her face to his chest.

"Rinoa—"

"I thought you were dead!" she cried, belting out a series of hysteric sobs afterward. Leon didn't know what to do for her other than hug her and keep quiet. So much bodily contact made him feel uneasy, and it took all of his willpower to not pull away. She didn't give him much of a choice regardless, and held onto the back of his shirt with tight fistfuls of fabric. Sucking back gulps of air, she pulled away to look at his face. She smoothed her hands up and down his back. "You lost weight," she said sadly.

"Sorry," was all he could think to say.

"I missed you," she said, new tears dripping down her face.

"So I hear," he said, trying to give her a tiny smile. It was a way for him to avoid saying 'I missed you too' because in reality, he didn't.

"What happened?" she asked. He let out a small sigh and turned to pull her into the room with him. "Oh. Hi?" she asked when she noticed Reno sitting on the couch. The girl attempted to wipe her face dry so she wouldn't embarrass herself too much.

"Hi," Reno said simply, giving her a tiny wave.

"That's Reno," Leon said.

"That's all I am to you? I'm hurt," the redhead said with a dramatic sniffle. He stood from the sofa and went to drape his arm around Leon's shoulders. He ran his other palm up and down the brunette's sternum with a flirtatious twitter. "Don't let him fool you. We're lovers. He's a _beast_ in bed, believe me. I was there."

Leon sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Get off me."

"Don't you mean 'get me off?' Been there, done that, babes."

"…Leave. Go away," the brunette grumbled, shoving Reno away. The redhead laughed and waved over his shoulder as he left the pair in silence. Rinoa was giving Leon a confused look, her brows furrowed. "Don't believe him. It's not true."

"A lot has happened. Sorry I'm skeptical."

"Take my word for it. The idea of us having sex makes me vomit in my mouth a little. I even don't consider him part of my own species," Leon muttered and went to take a seat on the couch. Rinoa followed and sat next to him. She went to drape herself on him in an attempt to absorb as much comfort as possible from him but he stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder and holding her off.

"What's wrong?" she asked. The Carrier's mind was reeling a little; debating on if now was an okay time to break things off before she got too attached again. He felt like he was trying to wean a child and kick her out of the proverbial nest.

"I… just don't want to be touched right now. Sorry. You're right. A lot has happened. It's going to take me a while to get adjusted again," he said flatly. She sat up and folded her hands in her lap.

"Oh. Okay. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No. Just don't push me. Let me take my time."

"Okay," she agreed. Her eyes focused on the floor as she wrung her hands a few times before looking at him again. "Can I ask what happened?"

"I'd rather not—"

"Talk about it. I figured. More secrets," she sighed.

"Not because I'm trying to hide things from you, but because they're painful memories and I don't want to relive them so soon. Please understand that."

"I'd like to. But your history with secrets doesn't give me much hope in ever figuring it out."

"Rinoa…"

"No, don't. Don't try to fix it," she said with a deep sigh. Her posture sagged. "I guess I was stupid for thinking things would've gotten better if you ever came back. Like you would've realized how much you loved me or something while we were apart and the reunion would've been a bit more… romantic. Uplifting. Not so much of a kick in the chest. It's not really working out the way I wanted it to."

Leon was somewhat insulted. The amount of pain he had been through over the last several months was enough to rip his humanity to pieces and make him feel like the equivalent to a bug squashed to the underside of someone's shoe. Nothing came close to the worthlessness coursing through his veins. They sat there in silence as he pondered how legitimately angry he was at her for being so selfish. As if it wasn't enough to come back alive. He needed to conform to her picture perfect reunion when he didn't even want to be with her in the first place. He wasn't exactly an expert on all things romantic, but at the very least he knew that the other person should be happy that their significant other came back and should try to make them happier. Without saying anything, he stood and headed for the door. Standing partially in the frame so that the device would slide open, he pointed out into the hallway.

"Leave," he said, his expression stony and unfeeling. She looked shocked and stared at him for a minute.

"What? Why? Didn't you miss me?" she asked.

"No. Leave."

"What?" she asked again, flabbergasted. "I don't understand."

"Are you really that naïve to your own personality? You come in here after I've been gone for so long and ask me to be completely normal for you and be some massive romantic that I never claimed I was even before I left," he started, stepping away from the door again. He stood in front of her with his arms folded over his chest. "You know what _I_ don't understand? Your complete lack of respect for me. Can you really not accept that I might have been through something terrible while I was away? Do you really think I was out partying and having a bunch of fun?"

"No but—"

"There are no 'buts' to be had, Rinoa. I was…" he trailed, taking a moment to gather himself. He found he couldn't meet her eyes, and looked off to the side a bit. "I was held prisoner, beaten, starved, molested, raped, chased, electrocuted, called every name in the book, had my pride ripped to shreds, and… and I even killed someone. Does it really make you feel better to know all of that? Because I'm about ready to crawl in a ditch," he said, a deep frown marring his face.

"Raped?" Rinoa said with a tiny gasp. She stared at him wordlessly with her mouth hanging open. Leon's eyes shifted to the floor with a deep sigh.

"I don't need your pity. Just leave. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to talk, I just want to be normal again. I can't be your ideal romantic guy like you want me to be, so go," he said flatly.

"That's not what I meant! I thought things would've been happier. For both of us; not just me."

"I don't really believe you. I know the first thing I think to say when I see someone I've missed is 'well, this isn't going how I thought it would.' What did you _think _would happen? I get held captive for half a year and come back and puke rainbows for you? Should I tap dance? Well tough shit because I don't know how to do either of those things."

"Stop it," she said, furrowing her brows together. Her eyes were watering and she shifted her gaze to the floor.

"Just go. I don't think we should do this anymore, Rinoa. You can't handle my 'secrets' and I can't handle your pettiness anymore."

"Wait. No. I can handle them," she claimed, her voice turning mildly panicked. She stared at him with wide watery eyes; the epitome of pitiful.

_Don't look at me like that_, he thought. He really did feel bad for breaking it off. Her attachment was obvious, but with everything that happened and how much she hadn't changed, it was just going to be an uphill battle for the rest of their time together. "I don't believe you can. You haven't changed, Rinoa. I just had a better mental capacity to deal with it months ago."

"I can change! Please. Don't leave me alone."

"If you're willing to change, then change for yourself and make the effort to find some other people to be around. I can't do it anymore. I don't have the patience to wait," Leon said, heading to the door again. He was hearing shades of himself from the near past. He understood the desire to have _someone_. Anyone. Rinoa had been his someone even if it was begrudgingly so. Again, he had to ask himself why she was so into him in the first place.

"This isn't fair. You're not even giving me a chance to make it better. Please," she whined again, her tone changing from hurt to somewhat angry.

"Goodbye, Rinoa."

"You're an asshole, you know that?" she spat, standing from her seat to get in his face. His expression stayed stoic as he looked down on her. "If you had just listened to me and stayed here, none of this would've happened. But no, you had to be Mr. Overachiever and go out there asking for it. You brought it all on yourself. So instead of just admitting you were wrong and accepting it and moving on, your solution is to push me away, yeah? Fine. Whatever. I don't need you and your secretive bullshit. I can find someone better," she said with a huff, stomping out into the hallway.

_Yeah, I sort of did ask for all of it. Thanks for pointing that out_, the Carrier thought.

"Is this a bad time?" a new voice suddenly spoke up, causing Leon to startle and look behind himself. Outside the door out of sight, was Zell. He was leaning against the wall, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

"How long were you waiting out here? You could've knocked," Leon said.

"Long enough. Sorry to say I heard a lot," the blonde said with a lopsided frown. The brunette sighed and looked away for a moment.

"Don't spread it around," he said flatly. He really didn't need the entire school knowing about his dirty laundry.

"I don't plan on it. I am glad you see you're still in once piece though. I was really scared you wouldn't come back."

"Are you going to try to convince me you need me to have a romantic reunion with you too?"

Zell laughed. "Not unless you want to, man. I do consider you a friend, though. In that light, I think I have the right to be happy you're okay."

"…Thanks," Leon said. The simple reassurance was welcomed. He wondered if the differences between the blonde's and Rinoa's greetings was because of personality differences or gender differences, but so far, the Carrier was most happiest with the way the men had welcomed him back. Even Quistis' tearful happiness was a bit much for him. All he wanted was an easy to digest 'I'm happy to see you' not a long and drawn out emotional tirade. He had enough of his own emotions to deal with. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, unsure why the air had grown awkward between them. Maybe it was just him.

"You have to be hungry. Want to grab a bite?" Zell asked.

"That would be nice, yes," Leon said, patting his pockets and making sure he had his room key before falling in line with Zell and heading off towards the cafeteria.

* * *

"You're really going to eat it like that?" his companion questioned curiously, digging in to his own mounded plate of food. Quistis hadn't been lying when she said she could arrange for Leon to have a massive steak. The chunk of meat took up the entirety of his plate and even hung over one edge. Of course, it was hardly cooked, at his request.

"Uh, _yeah_. Of course I am. It's sexy. It's practically begging me to do things to it," the brunette said, wiggling his fork at Zell. The blonde was fascinated.

"And that's _all_ you're going to eat?"

"Yep."

"Yeesh," Zell said with a bit of a laugh. "And I thought _I_ ate a lot of protein."

"You have no idea," Leon said, sticking his fork into his meal.

The looks the brunette was getting from his peers around the cafeteria were suspicious at best. For once, though, Leon didn't care. He was totally engrossed in his meal as it was the first bit of real red meat he had had in a _very_ long time. Perhaps it was part of the reason everyone watched him out the corner of their eyes. It didn't take him long to finish the steak though, and once it was gone, he pushed his tray aside and folded his arms on the table and rested his face on them with a contented sigh. Somewhat rested and full of food he could actually digest, the Carrier felt substantially better. It also helped that Zell didn't try to pry into his personal matters. The blonde simply shared some idle chit chat with him and ate his own food like a civil human being.

"Want to take a walk?" Zell asked once they were both finished. Leon raised a brow and looked at him. The blonde was making a specific effort to be friendly, and though it didn't bother him, he had to wonder why. The Carrier couldn't sense any pity coming from his friend, but he wasn't exactly throwing a party nor doing anything interesting that would warrant so much attention.

"Sure," the brunette agreed, unable to think of much else to do. He thought about stopping by to see how Cloud was doing, but with painful memories barely hiding behind a veil of his subconscious, he wasn't sure he wanted to see his Charge.

They dropped their trays off, and Zell led Leon through the halls of the Garden at a leisurely pace, heading out back where the grass was nicely manicured between the trees and flower beds. It was the vague beginning of spring and was still a little cold out, but neither of them seemed to care and the pair strolled along, taking in the fresh air and twilight sky. Leon couldn't help but feel a little strange. He wasn't sure why, but it seemed odd for a couple of young men like themselves to take a walk together versus doing something a little more recreational. Maybe he had been watching Cloud be obnoxious too long and it had skewed his ideas of what normal was. That was entirely possible.

"A lot's happened since you've been gone," Zell said after a while, stuffing his hands in his pockets and making a specific effort to watch the pathway.

"So I've been told, but no one has told me what, yet," Leon said.

"Once the initial panic of trying to find you guys quieted, Seifer went a little overboard. He said a lot of awful things, like how he was happy you were gone and hoped you were dead, and for no reason, really. Once we left Dollet and got back to school, he picked on Selphie and said she needed to find a better man, one like him, instead of some faggot to date. She started crying, and then he had the balls to try and comfort her and ask her out. In front of me," he explained with a sigh. Leon scowled.

"Why the hell do you put up with his shit? I don't understand it."

"I don't anymore. I left him."

"Oh," the brunette deadpanned. There was a short silence between them. "I'm not going to apologize because I'm actually glad you did. He's an ass."

"Yeah. I was surprised how quickly I got over it. I guess that just goes to show how much I didn't need him. Feels like sort of waste of the last few years, honestly."

"Eh, it's not like you're a million years old and going to die soon. There's still time to find someone else."

"True. Thanks," Zell said, giving the brunette a small smile. Leon smiled back. "I was going to tell you about Rinoa but I don't get the impression you care all that much," the blonde continued. Leon shrugged.

"It doesn't matter. She didn't change much to me."

"She didn't, no. But we all thought she had killed herself for a while, there. She stayed in her room so long we thought for sure she had starved, but then she randomly came out and left with Headmaster Cid and then came back with a dog."

"I heard about the dog. Haven't seen it yet."

"It's annoying as fuck. She talks to him really loudly like he's a baby and is practically attached to his side. I was really surprised she went to your room without him. Anyway, whenever someone would talk to her, she would essentially tell them to go fuck themselves and that they were just going to leave her like you did. She blamed everything on you, as you know, and made a lot of enemies because of it. She was beat up a couple of times, too."

"Fuck. I was pissed at her but I don't think she deserved that."

"Well, it went past just you and started to turn into a people-wide hate thing on her part. She would butt into people's conversations and tell them 'I don't know why you're so happy, they're just going to leave you to die alone' and stuff like that. She sort of went off the deep end. She and Seifer really should get married. They're a better fit for each other than they think they are. They're both complete assholes without any reason to be."

"Sounds like it. Anyone else go insane because of me?"

"Quistis was absent from her lessons for a couple days after we got back. She hasn't been the same since, really. She blamed herself."

"Yeah, that much I know," Leon sighed. He hadn't realized that he mattered all that much to anyone. He made a bit of a face. "It's weird. It never occurred to me that anyone would be affected if I was gone. I mean, obviously missing a student isn't anything to sneeze at, but I sort of assumed it just stopped there."

"I'll be honest, a lot of the personal grief was for Irvine. He has a lot of friends. But for you it was different because it was more like regret. Like people wished they had put a little more effort into getting to know you. It was sort of a mixture of both for me. I consider you a friend but I still don't know you very well. I'd like to change that, though."

"I… don't know if we can," Leon said hesitantly. As soon as Cloud was stable, he was planning on leaving. Zell stopped walking and gave him a confused look. The Carrier couldn't meet his eyes.

"Why not? I mean, it's cool if you don't want to but I'd still like to know why."

"I'd like to, but I don't plan on staying here very long."

"Oh. How long do you think you'll be here?" the blonde asked, sounding very disappointed.

"I'm not sure. Remember when I told you I was looking for someone? Well… I found him. He's here in the infirmary. He's really sick, but once he's a bit better and I can move him, I planned on going home."

"Oh," Zell deadpanned, thinking for a moment. "Can I meet him?"

"Uh… I guess? He's sedated and sort of an ass. I'm not really sure you'd like him very much."

"I'd still like to see the one who's stealing you away from everyone," the blonde said with a bit of a laugh.

"You can meet him if you want to, just not today. He's not awake."

"Fair enough," Zell agreed, heading off down the path again with Leon in tow. "So who was that red-haired guy that claimed you were his lover?"

The brunette sighed. "That's Reno. I've known him for years. We bumped into each other while I was away and he just sort of followed me back here. He found his someone as well and we're going to leave together when we can."

"Oh. I didn't know you knew someone else who was looking for someone."

"Yeah, we split up back home and went to find them and just happened to find each other again."

"Well that's good. At least you won't be alone."

"Yeah."

"Can I ask what this guy's name is? The one you found?"

"Cloud."

"Okay," Zell said, leaving it at that. After a few moments of silence, Leon raised a bow.

"You're not going to make fun of his name?"

"Dude. My name is 'Zell' and my last name is 'Dincht.' If I made fun of everyone else who had a dumb name, I'd be the biggest fucking hypocrite on the planet."

Leon laughed. "Okay then."

"Is his last name stupid too?"

"Not really. Strife. That's not so bad."

"Not at all. Way better than mine."

"Can't disagree with that," Leon said. He thought for a moment. "There are a lot of people with weird names in this place now that I think about it. Mine's…"

"Yeah, yours is a little goofy too."

"Goofy is an understatement. Call me Leon. Please."

"Leon. I like that one better."

"Me too."

Zell bumped his shoulder up against the Carrier's playfully with a wide smile. "Okay, Leon."

* * *

Cloud woke up late in the morning the next day. The previous evening was nothing but mental chaos for him. He had been somewhat conscious, floating between sleep and alertness, unable to pick one for hours. Unable to wake up completely to stop himself from thinking, the blonde had spent his time reliving his past mistakes. Being sedated during Mako withdrawal threw his brain into overdrive. His body was unable to move to expend the toxins, so it was all circulating through his nervous system, forcing him to remember things his addiction had suppressed. They were hazy remembrances mostly pertaining to Aerith. Instead of being haunted by footage of a nightmare he couldn't remember, he was completely aware of what he had done. So much so, he could remember the bitter smell of blood and innards.

Leon came to visit him shortly before lunch time. The brunette had spent the better part of his evening talking with Zell about whatever came to mind. Having a normal relationship with someone was perhaps one of the biggest blessings the Carrier had ever come across. He sincerely regretted not taking the time to make more friends beforehand. He was still dreading having to sever the friendship when he left, but he hoped he could find someone like that again back home. Riku, Zach, and Tifa came to mind, but he had been gone so many years he wasn't sure any of them even remembered him anymore. Having that sort of relationship with Cloud seemed so unrealistic it was almost painful to think about. Reno didn't live in his dome so it was sort of difficult to have that same sort of companionship with the redhead. He pushed the thoughts away before he could upset himself and put on a civil face for his Charge. Being in the same room with the blonde made his palms sweat with anxiety.

"Can you do me a favor?" Cloud asked him without even greeting him. The brunette looked at him with a raised brow. The blonde looked absolutely shattered; as if he was going to crumble away to nothing at any given moment.

"What's that?" Leon asked.

"Kill me."

"Cloud, I know you feel like shit but you're not dyi—"

"No. You don't understand. I can't…" Cloud stammered, the words getting caught in his throat. "I remember. I can't do this. I don't deserve to be here. Not after what I did."

"You remember?" Leon asked, his pulse speeding up. "How much?"

"I remember being home and… Aerith," the blonde said, pushing himself to sit up. His arms were shaking as he did so, not because of his upset, but because of weakness. His demeanor, though depressed, was still calm and fairly levelheaded. To Leon, it was unnerving because his Charge sounded completely serious. Reasonable, and serious.

"I'm not going to kill you, Cloud," he said.

"Then find me something sharp and I'll do it myself," Cloud said, keeping solid eye contact with the brunette. Leon furrowed his brows.

"No. This is not the answer to your grief."

"Maybe not, but it's what's fair. I don't deserve to be here after the things I've done. Aerith isn't the only one. I know she isn't. All the people I've hurt, the ones I've killed, the ones I abused, they're all worth more than me. I should've…" the blonde sighed, shaking his head and looking down at his hands. "I should've been killed a long time ago."

Leon knew he should try and comfort his Charge. However, his body wasn't prepared to be that close at the moment. He stood by the door for several minutes, watching his Charge look helpless. He was pale, the bruises on his arms standing out like beacons under papery skin and sickly pallor. He didn't look like the same person that had raped him. In fact, the blonde looked more like he did when he first left Nibelheim; a scared young man who was stuck in a whirlpool of predetermined fate, unable to keep his head above water long enough to grow into his humility. The innocence was ripped from him and was replaced by a soulless drug that sucked the life from him. Cloud didn't rape him. Mako did. Even as the Carrier clung to that tiny string of logic, the trauma was hard to ignore. He made a sincere effort to get closer to Cloud, but he couldn't get his hands to stop shaking. The blonde wasn't blind.

"You're afraid of me," Cloud said, glancing up at Leon through pieces of his hair. A sarcastic smile spread across his face and he shook his head, letting out a disbelieving laugh. "I knew you were a liar. You didn't try to escape and got caught. That's not how your face was cut. I did it."

Leon hesitated before speaking. "Yes."

"And you still want to help me."

"Yes."

"Still think I'm different than Sephiroth."

"Yes."

"You're an idiot."

"Possibly. It doesn't change anything though."

"I don't understand you," Cloud sighed.

"You're my Charge. You're the most important person in my life whether you like it or not. Whether _I_ like it or not."

"Do you like it?"

"You're not a bad person, Cloud."

"Says the guy with the fucked up face."

Leon shrugged. "And who, exactly, am I working to impress? Are you telling me you'd want to marry me if I didn't have this cut?"

Cloud raised a brow. "That's disgusting."

"Well, then tell me why I need to have a perfect face."

"…Whatever," the blonde said with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. He reclined back on his pillows, glaring at the wall to his left. Truthfully, the cut was the least of Leon's concerns at this point. He wanted to go back to being able to be near his Charge without feeling like he was going to wet himself. He wasn't sure how to make that happen. Regardless of what he felt, he needed to stay by the blonde's side and make sure he didn't try to kill himself. The Carrier eventually mustered up the courage to take a seat a fair distance away from his Charge's bed, prepared for a long day of sitting and watching.


	49. Chapter 49

**From _Save the Kittens!_ Chapter 65.**

"What's-her-face?"

"Yes, some girl I went to the Garden with back before I made contact with Cloud. For as energetic and interesting as she was, she was a terrible lay," Leon said and sighed a little and slouched in his seat. "Ah well."

"My my," Riku chuckled. "Covered all your bases, did you?"

"A few of them."

* * *

Chapter 48

Angelo, a border collie mix with brown fur and a white chest, was Rinoa's new near-constant companion. She doted on him as if he was her child and carted him around to pretty much everywhere she went. Spending ninety percent of one's time with a dog tends to make one a social outcast after a while, and she slowly adapted to spending her time away from everyone else and playing with the dog instead. However, after Leon broke it off, she spent the next few days listlessly lying in the grass with Angelo's ball lying against her side, neglected. The dog decided she was boring and was rooting around in the underbrush of the tree line, sniffing for whatever he could find. Suddenly, he let out a loud pained yelp which made Rinoa bolt upright.

"Angelo!" she cried, hurrying to her feet and running over to him. The animal had his nose to the ground and was rubbing his snout with his front paws, whimpering. The girl shushed him soothingly and nudged his paws away so she could see what the problem was. Angelo had stumbled upon some sort of stinging critter and had apparently invaded its personal space. He had a thorn-like stinger jutting out from his lip. Rinoa scooped him up and worriedly hefted him back towards the school and to the infirmary where Dr. Kadowaki had the tools to help.

"Rinoa, I'm not a veterinarian," the good doctor said sternly.

"I know, but all you need to do is remove it. I'd do it myself but I'm afraid I'll hurt him," the girl said. She gave the woman pleading eyes and made it clear she had no intention of leaving. Dr. Kadowaki heaved a heavy sigh.

"Alright, fine. But stay out here. I don't need you fussing over him and getting him excited," she said, taking the animal by his collar and leading him into an exam room. A nurse followed in after her and shut the door, leaving Rinoa to her own devices in the waiting room. From there, she had a clear view of Cloud's room, as well as Rude's. However, she only paid attention to Cloud, since Leon was in there with him. The girl had no idea the brunette had brought his Charge back with him, and when she saw them interacting so (seemingly) calmly, she was confused. She didn't understand why Leon couldn't be that civil towards her. She went to stand next to the door frame and listened in to what they were talking about. Rinoa had a very loose grasp of the Midgar language.

"Zack should have some advice for you once you meet him. But you shouldn't expect so much of yourself so quickly. I know when I met him, he was recovering from a surgery he had, and granted, it was a major process, but it still took him a couple years before he could recover fully and walk normally again. The Mako really held him back for a long time. I can't even guarantee he's completely better now because I haven't seen him in… decades," Leon explained, still sitting in his chair a fair distance away from his Charge. Cloud was exhausted and laid against his pillows staring up at the corner where the wall met the ceiling.

"How long was Zack a soldier?" he asked.

"Not very long. A few months if I remember correctly. He didn't even get out of basic training."

"Was he discharged? How did he get away?"

"He escaped and went into hiding."

"…Fucking coward," Cloud grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"I don't think he was. If given the chance, don't you think you would've done the same?"

"I wouldn't have hid. I would've just gone home."

"Well, I would think the military would've hunted you down, then," Leon said, furrowing his brows. "They might even be doing that now still."

"One brainless soldier out of millions isn't going to make a difference. They don't give a damn about me. If they find me as they're passing through somewhere, they'll probably kill me, but they won't go out of their way to do it. If anything, they'd hunt _you_. Killing Sephiroth was sort of a big deal."

"I'm not worried about it," the Carrier said, reclining back in his seat and folding his hands on his stomach.

_Sephiroth? General Strahl? _Rinoa asked herself, pushing her brows together. She could remember Leon telling her that he had killed someone. Her heart sped up, unsure if she should be worried about Midgar coming after him and subsequently, the school.

"Yeah, well, you better hope they don't figure out where you are. Just in case."

"I don't plan on staying here very long, if you recall. We're leaving once you're stable enough to move."

_He's leaving again?_ The girl questioned. _With that guy? Why couldn't he take me with him? I'd gladly leave here. There's nothing for me._

"Whenever that is," Cloud grumbled. After a long pause, he sighed.

"What are you thinking about?" Leon asked.

"I'm wondering why you think I'm worth the effort. I don't understand."

"I told you. I picked you to help me. I need you. Your worth is measured by how well you can do that. I believe you're able to learn and that you're an intelligent person, but you were never given the tools to help you reach your potential, so it seems like you are worth less than you really are. But I see it. You don't have to yet. I hope you can understand eventually, even though I don't really doubt that you will," the Carrier explained. The blonde didn't have a retort for him and stared at the ceiling.

_What? What effort is Squall giving him?_ Rinoa wondered, getting angry. From the looks of Cloud's eyes, their language, and what the pair was talking about, it was obvious that the blonde was a Midgar soldier. The automatic hate she had for him was overwhelming and made her blood bubble under her skin. The feelings were compounded when she realized that Leon was going out of his way to help Cloud become successful at _something_. Whatever that something was, it didn't matter. Leon held Cloud with higher regard than he did Rinoa, and the girl didn't like that at all. As far as she was concerned, the blonde was the reason her boyfriend was now her ex. Which, unbeknownst to her, was fairly accurate.

The gears in her jealous mind started turning, and she glared ahead of herself at the floor, wondering what she could do to change the situation. Of course, she didn't want to make it obvious that she was thinking hostile thoughts or get her hands dirty, so she tried to think of someone to help her; someone who disliked Leon enough to see to it that he's hurt. She didn't have any specific malice towards the Carrier other than him leaving her, but if she surmised how much Cloud was worth to Leon, it only made sense that he would be hurt by proxy, which she wasn't completely against. Hurting Cloud meant hurting Leon, so she needed to find someone who was willing to hurt Leon by using Cloud.

Seifer was the only logical choice.

* * *

"The fuck do _you_ want?" the acidic blonde asked snidely as Rinoa approached him. He was loitering about behind the Training Center with his posse of friends simply because he could. "Are you crawling back to me? Is that faggot's dick not big enough for you?"

"Like yours is? I've never even seen it, so I can't compare. I think you're too scared to show me, honestly. It must me microscopic," Rinoa spat back. Seifer laughed and grabbed himself through the fabric of his pants and pushed his hips out towards her. She rolled her eyes. "Enough. Stop it. I need your help with something."

"Oh really? And why should I do anything for you? You're the one who gave me up, if you remember. No takesies-backsies. I don't do that."

"That's not what I want. You don't like Squall, right? Well, he left me because he's an asshole. I don't understand why. He didn't really give a good reason," she explained, the denial of her personality flaws evident. "But, I think it has something to do with someone he brought back here with him."

"He brought someone with hi—oh yeah that Midgar thing. The guy looked like a suffocating fish the last time I saw him. Eden only knows why that idiot is dragging around so much dead weight," Seifer scoffed.

"You saw him?" Rinoa asked. Seifer nodded.

"I was on the ship that pulled them out of the ocean. Faggot Number One was carrying around Faggot Number Two since apparently Number Two's legs don't work or something. I have no idea. It doesn't matter, either. They were still together like two peas in a pod, you know. And I hate peas. It was disgusting."

"Like… do you mean they're like… lovers?" Rinoa asked skeptically, scrunching her face up disdainfully.

"Either that or Squall somehow gave birth to the kid because he was seriously _that_ protective and clingy."

"That doesn't make any sense," the girl said, rubbing her forehead a little as she thought about it. To her, the idea of Leon being anything but straight confused her to no end. She just couldn't see it. Nor could she see him being protective and clingy. He never did any of that for her, anyway.

"It makes perfect sense to me. He got himself captured on purpose to go find his boyfriend overseas. Or something. Either way, all the sympathy he and the other douche are getting makes me sick. Maybe Irvine was really held captive, but there is no way Squall was. He leaves for a few months and comes back with some guy who's obviously really important to him, and we're supposed to believe he just _happened_ to find him? One singular Midgar soldier out of how many? And that this soldier is magically okay with leaving with him and coming here? Come on. Who does he think he's kidding? He has something planned," Seifer scoffed.

"It is a little farfetched, isn't it?" Rinoa questioned rhetorically.

"It's even more insulting that Headmaster Cid is letting the Midgar trash use our medical facilities to get better when they should be taken out into a field and shot."

"What do you think he has planned?"

"Hell if I know. All I know is, right now, they're using the school to regroup before they move on to something else."

"Squall said they're leaving once the other one is better," Rinoa said, hugging herself.

"See? I wouldn't be surprised if they end up back in Midgar sucking Rufus Shinra's balls and telling him how to get over here and fuck everyone's life over. Thinking about the damage they could do makes me sick to my stomach," Seifer said, a deep scowl marring his face as he held his stomach.

"Then we're on the same page," Rinoa said. The blonde raised a brow at her.

"What do you mean?"

"You want them gone, and so do I," she said, stepping to him and looking up at him with a pleasant smile. "You should do something about it. For both of us." She bit down on the inside of her lip and gave him a sheepish look. "I'll make it worth your while," she said with a bit of a sultry tone, placing a hand on his chest. He immediately nudged her arm away with a sweep of his hand.

"No thanks. You have nothing I'm interested in. Causing a bit of trouble here and there is just a way to pass the time. To actually go against Headmaster Cid's direct orders to be accepting of them and acting on it is grounds for treason. You're asking too much for so little reward. I don't even think you're pretty," Seifer said. Rinoa scrunched her face up in disdain, making the blonde laugh. "You can take your boyfriend problems elsewhere. I'm not interested."

"So they get to sit around sucking up our resources even though you know better? You're just going to let it happen?" She scoffed. "And I thought you weren't a coward."

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm pretty damn smart. It's not cowardice to not do someone else's dirty work and take all the heat for it. I would have nothing to gain and everything to lose in the situation. All that's happening to me is just annoying. It's not killing me. I don't care _that_ much that they're here. You do, obviously. You can't handle that your boyfriend might be gay and that you don't have a penis to make up for it. Get over it, Rinoa. He isn't worth it."

"He made me feel like I mattered for so long and then he up and left me without even making sure I was okay with it. Then he comes back and doesn't even give me the opportunity to make things better, but he has the audacity to go hang around some Midgar asshole's side and deem that he is worth the time and effort for _something_. Do you have any idea how many people that guy has probably killed? And he gets all of Squall's effort? I did nothing to deserve this! It's abusive at best! I deserve better!" she cried, her voice turning hitched and somewhat hysterical. Seifer simply stared at her with a placid expression.

"And I'm supposed to care? It sounds like a personal problem to me," he asked.

"Yes! I need someone to help me. Someone to be my… knight in shining armor or something because apparently Squall isn't man enough to do it without a bit of pushing. I have enough problems as it is, and I really don't need to be told I'm not worth someone's time. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of feeling worthless. Getting rid of that worthless Midgar murderer will not only make a lot of people's spirits to rest, I'm sure, but it'll make Squall come back to me and realize I was the right choice in the first place. I'm just asking you to act on what you know is right and take care of the other one for me. I wasted a lot of time on you. You owe me something in return, you know," Rinoa said, crossing her arms under her bosom haughtily. Seifer laughed.

"I don't owe you anything, bitch. You're delusional. I'm done. Take your craziness and dump it on someone else's lap. I'm not interested," he said, shaking his head behind his chuckles as he turned away. Raijin and Fujin had been standing around listening for the duration of the conversation, silent and contemplating. Seifer's move to not act on his aggressions was strange to them, but they fell in line behind him as he came their way. The threesome headed out towards the rest of the campus.

"She's nuts, ya know?" Raijin said. "What's-his-face has been here hardly a year and she's obsessed with him. Dunno what her problem is."

"Trauma," Fujin said with a nonchalant shrug. Seifer sighed.

"I should've never have bothered with her in the first place. Eden only knows the sense of entitlement it gave her to have me stick with her so long. What I should've done was leave her and then spread a bunch of rumors about her so no one touched her anymore. Now she thinks everyone needs to bend over for her. I don't get it."

Once out into the main segue of hallways that branched out into the various wings of the school, time seemed to slow down for Seifer. From the entrance of the hallway that led to the Training Center, he could see Zell in the distance talking to Leon. From being around the other blonde for so many years, Seifer could tell from his posture and the way he was talking that Zell was attempting to flirt. His hip was cocked just ever so slightly to the side, he was all smiles, and he was showing genuine interest in whatever they were talking about. Leon was fairly oblivious. However, that didn't make the situation any better. First Rinoa was taken from him, and now Zell was being led astray. In the back of Seifer's twisted pompous mind, Leon was the culprit for both occasions. It didn't matter if the Carrier hadn't even been there for Zell leaving him. Ever since the brunette showed up, people had been leaving Seifer's side, and it bothered him to no end.

"Yo, Seifer?" Raijin said, snapping his fingers in front of his friend's face as the angry blonde froze where he stood an stared at the pair down the walkway. He startled, and looked to the other.

"What?" he asked, his tone holding an acidic edge.

"You just…stopped. What's up?"

"Nothing. You guys go find something to do. I need a minute to myself," Seifer said. Fujin and Raijin exchanged glances.

"You're sure?" Raijin asked.

"Positive?" Fujin asked.

"Yeah. Just go," Seifer said. The pair nodded and took their leave, heading in the other direction. Seifer was beginning to wonder when they would leave him too, though he sincerely hoped they wouldn't. Recent history told him it was only a matter of time, and the last thing he wanted was to be alone. He watched Zell and Leon head off towards the Infirmary together and decided to follow them, his mind clouding over with anxiety, forcing it work on auto-pilot.

* * *

"Aw, is that your husband? I bet that's your husband. You're cute together," Cloud cooed when Leon and Zell entered his room. Leon stopped walking and gave him a disdainful look.

"Really? You're going to be like that?" The Carrier asked with a scowl. Zell looked between him and the Charge with a confused face. He didn't understand either of them at all. Part of him sort of expected to be able to, but he wasn't surprised he didn't. He had never talked to anyone from Midgar before, let alone learned any of the language found there.

"Of course I am. Who the hell else is that supposed to be? You don't have any friends aside from the bald guy and what's-his-face with the red hair."

"Did it ever occur to you that I may have had a life before I was held prisoner? I do know people outside of the ones you've seen. And if I don't have the ability to make other friends, how the hell was I supposed to pick up a husband? Your logic is flawed."

"Not to mention the idea is really really _really_ disgusting. I'm sort of queasy thinking about it. I don't know why I do this to myself," Cloud said, scrunching his nose up.

"Shut up. Be civil."

"I'm missing something," Zell said, laughing a bit. He waved to Cloud with a cordial smile. The sickly blonde raised a brow and waved back weakly.

"He doesn't hate me?" Cloud asked confusedly. The snide undertone of his voice faded some as the exhaustion crept back in. He expected everyone in Balamb to treat him like garbage. So far, no one really seemed happy to see him there and the alienation hung over him like a thick blanket. The entire place made him uneasy, and the looming sense of being unwanted made the problem worse. It was like seeing the impending abuse coming at him like an oncoming train, but it never really got there. It hung around in the background, taunting him, reminding him he was dirty and not fit to be there and walk the clean streets. The sharpness of everyone's voices as they spoke to him said volumes about their contempt for him. Even Leon's wasn't easy to listen to, even if the Carrier painted a pretty picture about a promising future.

"He doesn't know you. He probably should hate you, but he doesn't yet. Don't fuck it up for yourself by being… yourself," Leon said grumpily, folding his arms over his chest.

"Well who am I supposed to be if I'm not myself?"

"Someone not terrible."

"So I'm not allowed to be you, is what you're telling me."

"I'm not terrible."

"You stalked me for my entire life. That's pretty terrible."

"Stop it," Leon said with a searing glare. Cloud shrugged a bit, swallowing thickly. Though his wits were about him, it didn't take away from his diminished appearance. He still looked and sounded like he had rolled around in a ditch full of thorns for a decade.

"But you're my only source of entertainment. I'm bored," the blonde sighed, rolling onto his side sluggishly.

"Whatever," Leon said, looking to Zell again. "This is Cloud. Cloud thi—" the Carrier was cut off when he noticed his Charge not paying attention to them. He snapped his fingers impatiently. Cloud raised a brow and glanced at them out of the corner of his eye before holding up his hand, his middle finger prominently displayed to the Carrier. The brunette scowled and stepped to the end of his bed, reached over, and smacked his calf. Cloud barked a yelp in surprise and bolted upright.

"The fuck was that for? You're the asshole snapping at me like I'm some sort of servant. If anything, you should be hit," he said, reaching under his blanket to rub his leg. Zell watched the exchange with a raised brow.

"I told you to be civil. At least wait until I introduce you before you start ignoring us," Leon scolded. He motioned to the other blonde. "This is Zell. I have no idea why he decided to meet you, but he wanted to, so be nice. Or at least pretend to be nice."

"What are you? My father? Don't order me around. I don't give a damn about your friends. I don't want to be part of a gross love triangle or whatever it is you're trying to get out of introducing us. It's bad enough I'm stuck in this bed; I don't need you inviting random people in here to gawk at me. Just leave me alone. Go do something else," Cloud said, the tone of his voice switching from his anger to a soft annoyance. He just wanted to sleep. Maybe if he got a head start on a nap, some of his pride would recuperate. The tenseness in Leon's shoulders leaked away and his posture sagged a little, his features lightening.

"I didn't bring him in here to treat you like a side show. He really did ask me to introduce you. Had he not asked, he wouldn't be here. We'll leave."

"Good," the blonde said gruffly, lying back against his pillow again. Leon turned to Zell and nudged him towards the exit. They left quietly, closing the door behind them. The blonde looked to the Carrier curiously.

"I get the impression that didn't go very well," he said simply. Leon shook his head.

"He thought I was bringing you in there so you could ridicule him somehow. I didn't think he would be that bothered by it."

"He's in pretty bad shape. I bet he wasn't like that when you first met him. If that's the case, comparatively speaking, he's fallen hard. I can see why he wouldn't want anyone to see him like that. It can't do much for the pride," Zell said thoughtfully. Leon was somewhat impressed with the blonde's insight. In the same breath, he hated himself for not taking it into consideration himself. It sounded so simple, yet he missed it completely.

"I guess," was all he could think to say. Zell patted his back and led the way back out into the hallway.

Pressed up against the wall around the corner from Cloud's room, Seifer had heard everything. Like Zell, he didn't speak the Midgar language, but he could tell things hadn't gone very well. All he knew was that Zell was friendly enough with Leon to touch him without the brunette pushing him away. The Carrier's prickly nature kept all public contact to a minimum, and Seifer wondered how close they really were to have as much as they did. When Leon was seen with Rinoa, they didn't make their relationship very obvious; they hardly held hands when they walked together. There had been just enough closeness to give the impression that there was more between them, but only just. Leon seemed far more comfortable around Zell regardless of how far one read into their relationship. It annoyed Seifer terribly, and only reinforced the fact that the Carrier was slowly taking away all the companionship he had. Rinoa had been his public security blanket, his hiding place veiled in a faux heterosexuality, and she had been led astray fairly easily. It made him wonder at what point Zell had done the same.

Though he may have been brash and aggressive, Seifer wasn't stupid. Not completely, anyway. He was able to put the pieces of conversation together into a decently coherent string. Leon seemed angry at 'Cloud' and when they clashed, Cloud's demeanor shifted and he almost sounded hurt. Leon immediately backed off after that, sounding equally as hurt, and he and Zell left with the brunette looking somewhat depressed. Seifer was willing to bet that the bond between the Carrier and Charge was shaky and mostly one-sided. Leon wanted more of something that wasn't there, and when he didn't get it from Cloud, he allowed Zell to fill some of the void. In Seifer's mind, it all went much deeper than a simple friendship between any of them, but the logic was still there, regardless. Zell was Leon's fallback comfort, but if Cloud became more of the focus, Leon would leave Zell alone. The Charge was shaping up to be a decent bargaining chip to get Zell away from Leon one way or another. To anyone else, Seifer's reasoning was pure jealousy, but to him, he was preserving what little chance he had to get Zell back.

* * *

"Why are people so damn complicated?" Leon asked with a bit of a pout as he flicked a piece of his dinner along the rim of his plate. It was the early evening, and he, Zell, and Reno were sitting in the cafeteria together trying to strike up idle chit chat. Reno stabbed at his own meal and shoved a forkful of salad in his mouth. He shrugged.

"Because they have free will and emotions? Life would be a lot simpler if everyone was a robot. But then it'd get real boring real fast," the redhead said.

"I'm okay with boring," the brunette said.

"Boring generally equates to peacefulness, which is what I'm okay with," Zell quipped, taking a sip of water.

Leon nodded. "Exactly."

"Cloud has some issues, but he's pretty easy to figure out," Reno said casually. The brunette scowled and looked at him with a bit of a glare.

"How do you figure?"

"Well, what do you think goes on in his head? I bet it amounts to 'I feel guilty for the things I did,' 'I'm hungry,' 'I need to shit,' and 'I hate being sick.' He doesn't have much else going on. I've heard the way he talks, man. His entire life right now is sitting in that bed and being miserable for one reason or another. You don't help him by trying to give him more things to think about, like meeting people," Reno explained, glancing at Zell. "No offense."

The blonde waved a dismissive hand. "None taken. In hindsight, it was sort of a dumb thing of me to ask."

"Normally, it would be harmless, but Cloud should probably focus more on working through his demons rather than whatever gets shoved in his face right now."

"And I'm more than willing to help him with it if only he'd accept my help versus shoving me away," Leon said grumpily. Reno shrugged again.

"He doesn't know you. You may feel like you know him, but that doesn't help him be comfortable around you. You both met under awful circumstances. If you can figure out a way to show him that things get worse when you don't pay attention and help him, then he might see you as an asset versus something negative."

"I don't want things to get worse for him, though. I'm trying to make it better."

"But so far, as he sees it, you're the cause for all the bad shit that's happened to him even if you and I know that's not the case."

"So… what do you suggest I do?" the brunette asked with a suspicious undertone to his voice.

"Ignore him for a few days. See if he figures anything out. Check in with the doctor lady and just make sure he isn't dead. But until he understands what spending time away from you feels like now that the dust is settling a little, he might not understand that you leaving him behind is a bad thing. You can talk all you want about a better future, but until he sees the difference, he isn't going to get it," the redhead explained. "I did sort of the same thing with Rude a while back. When we first met, he was actually partnered with Tseng. They would argue constantly about stupid shit and pick at one another, but they insisted on staying where they were because they actually worked really well together when it came down to getting stuff done. It wasn't until he and I just happened to be assigned to something together that he understood that he could have someone who he got along with _and_ worked well with. It's very much a 'the grass is greener on the other side' sort of example. Plus, Elena and Tseng hung out a lot and you know… fucked a lot and it eventually turned way too awkward for us third wheels."

"Charming," Leon said with a snort.

"But if you ask him, Rude would say we're the best team ever," Reno said with a grin. The brunette rolled his eyes. Zell only half understood what the conversation was about and just listened quietly.

"He does have a good point, though. If your relationship sort of sucks, maybe you should spend some time away from Cloud and show him it sucks worse when you're gone," the blonde said.

"I don't really know what I would do all day, though. All my energy has been set to help him, and I don't know what else to put it towards. Headmaster Cid hasn't talked to me yet about classes or training or anything, so I'd just sit around with nothing to accomplish," Leon admitted, sinking lower in his seat. His appetite lost, he dropped his fork and folded his hands on his stomach with a tiny sigh.

"You could always hang around with me, you know. I'm alive and breathing pretty well," Zell said, kicking the Carrier's shin under the table lightly.

"I don't want to distract you from whatever you need to do. You know, things like schoolwork. That's more important than keeping me entertained."

"I promise I'll do my homework, mom. It's okay," the blonde teased. Reno watched the two curiously, his interest piqued. Seeing Leon be friendly with other people was a fascinating and rare occurrence for him. Usually if the brunette was being civil, the other person was almost like a business partner to him rather than a friend. He was polite, but that's about as far as it went.

"You better," Leon chastised, a tiny smile ghosting his lips.

"Anyway, I suggest starting as soon as possible. The sooner you do, the sooner things can get going on the right track," Reno said. Leon nodded.

"Okay. I'll try it. Will you keep an eye on him for me? While you're hanging around Rude?" he asked.

"Sure thing."

* * *

It only took Leon a couple hours to feel the itch to get back into the infirmary and make sure his Charge hadn't exploded somehow. He felt nervous, jittery, and he couldn't focus very well. He was aware Zell was talking to him, but none of it registered. Having spent a good portion of his life being able to watch his Charge, not knowing his every move seemed almost neglectful. Zell noticed how distracted Leon was and tried his best to keep his attention without being too pushy, but the Carrier's distress overrode his efforts easily.

"You're sure he's _just_ family? I can't decide if there's more to it than that or if he's somehow your child. You're obsessed," the blonde remarked. Leon turned his attention back to his friend, only half hearing what was said to him.

"Hm? I'm just worried. There's so much wrong with him. Anything could happen at this point and I don't want to miss anything or have it be my fault."

"How can it be your fault? That makes no sense," Zell said, nudging the brunette with his elbow as they walked. They were strolling through the gardens together, getting Leon some fresh air and hoping to clear his head some. It was the early evening, but it was already dark.

"If something happens when I'm not there, it could be something I could've prevented. Neglecting him would make it my fault," the Carrier ran his hands through his hair, nervously chewing on his lip. He heaved a heavy sigh. "I can't do this."

"You guys talk to each other like you hate one another and then… you're like this when you're away from him. I'm really confused," Zell said with a bit of a laugh.

"I'm sure he'd be dancing in the streets if he could now that I'm away from him. Don't worry about it. It's just me. I shouldn't be this attached to a guy that so obviously hates me," the brunette said flatly. The blonde stopped him from walking by placing a hand on his shoulder and turned him so they were facing one another.

"You need to calm down. Dr. Kadowaki is one of the best. She isn't going to let anything happen to him, okay? He'll eventually understand that he needs you and things will get better. You just have to be patient," he said earnestly, keeping strong eye contact with Leon to drive his point home. The Carrier swallowed thickly and eventually looked away.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is."

"But I shouldn't—"

"Stop it. You can't help how you feel. What you should or shouldn't do is irrelevant because it isn't going to change those feeling. Accept them and hang onto them. They're important. Even if they suck," Zell said matter-of-factly, folding his arms over his chest. The shattered look in the back of Leon's eyes worried him. "I'm trying, okay? Give me a break," he said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to waste your time with me," the Carrier said. Zell rolled his eyes.

"Now you're just being dramatic. Come on," the blonde insisted, taking Leon's wrist and tugging him further down the path. He eventually veered off to the side, through a field, and back towards the forest that lined the back of the school's property. For nearly an hour they walked together quietly until Zell led them to a clearing in the trees. Overgrown grasses dominated the space, but the important part was the view of the sky. Millions of stars dotted the pitch black backdrop, making it the clearest sky Leon had ever seen.

"Wow," he said, the mild surprise in his voice being the most positive inflection he had had in days.

"I like it here. It's quiet and makes it easy to think. My instructors tell me that meditation is important, but I usually end up falling asleep, so coming here to just… sit and do nothing is the best alternative," Zell said, taking a seat in the grass.

"Isn't that what meditation is? Sitting and doing nothing?" Leon asked, sitting with him. The blonde shrugged.

"There's more to it than that; this is different."

"If you say so."

"I do," the blonde said, picking at the grass. After a brief silence, he looked to Leon again. The brunette was staring off in front of himself, his jaw tense as his mind was awash with every possible threat that could befall Cloud in his absence. Zell's patience for the dumpiness was starting to dry up and he racked his brain for something that might wake the Carrier up and get him to focus on something else. Most everything he came up with was fairly drastic and he couldn't decide how well any of it would be received. All of it would most likely end up negatively, but he didn't have very many options if he wanted Leon to pay attention. Without much warning, he scooted closer to the brunette and crawled over his lap to straddle him. Leon didn't register anything until Zell's face was in his.

"What—" he started. His words were cut off as his cheeks were cupped between gloved hands and he was pulled in for a kiss. Everything stopped. Every thought, breath, synapses, muscle, halted as it was all lost to the complete shock of what was happening. The kiss was brief, chaste, and Zell pulled back afterward, searching Leon's dumbfounded expression for any sort of clue as to what was going to happen next. He was betting he was either going to be punched or Leon was going to wet himself.

"Leon?" he asked when the Carrier was silent for several moments. The brunette blinked a few times and looked at him properly.

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

"…I'm not dead, if that's what you mean."

"Close enough," the blonde said, scooting off his lap and returning to his previous spot in the grass. Leon watched him carefully.

"I'm confused," he admitted.

"That works for me," Zell said, giving the brunette a smile. Leon looked away, his focus shifting from Cloud and his problems, to trying to figure out what was happening between him and Zell, and if it had anything of worth to consider.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm not dead! I swear! I just work a lot.


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: **Nearly back into the swing of things guys; thanks so much for your patience. I hadn't worked on this chapter for a while (three weeks to be somewhat exact) but then I realized 'oh hey, I should probably get on that.' So then this all happened in a little over three days. This is good. It tells me I can still do this!

I just hope I can keep it that way.

* * *

Chapter 49

Rude was on his way to recovery, but he still had a lengthy road ahead of him. X-rays of his chest showed a moderate amount of damage to his left lung that made Reno extremely nervous. Once the pictures landed in the redhead's hands, he couldn't stop looking at them. The inside of his lip was painful and bloodied from chewing on it, but he didn't register the sensations in the least. His Charge spent most of his day asleep, which was mixed blessing to him. Rude needed to rest, but being awake and talking helped ease the Carrier's worried mind considerably. Reno spent many hours sitting next to Rude's bed watching him, and making sure everything stayed as it should.

There were several occasions where Rude woke up to find Reno sleeping by his side with his arms folded on the edge of the bed and his face nestled between them. The redhead's own bed didn't get much activity; the covers had yet to be disturbed since they arrived. For Reno, 'bed' meant the chair next to Rude, or draped over the edge of his Charge's mattress in some haphazard fashion. The redhead never got more than a few hours sleep at a time, and the weariness was starting to show on his face. Reno's obsession with his Charge was less obvious than Leon's because Rude was fairly accepting of it and didn't make it an issue between them. It was all kept quiet and subdued, but the reality was that Reno had no right to chastise Leon for his obsession with Cloud because he was just as bad.

"Reno," Rude said, flicking a few pieces of red hair around.

"Hmm?" the Carrier hummed in response. He had fallen asleep again with his arms folded on the edge of Rude's bed. It took him a few moments to realize who was talking to him, but when he did, his eyes flew open and he was quick to sit up and force himself to look chipper. His entire body ached from his awkward sleeping habits, but he didn't let the pain show on his face. He painted a wide smile on. "Hey! I'm glad you're awake. How're you feeling today?" he asked happily. Despite feeling like garbage, he really was genuinely happy to talk to Rude. His Charge let out a tiny sigh.

"You look like shit," he said flatly.

"Aw, thanks. I put my best makeup on _just_ for you," Reno twittered.

"I'm serious. How much sleep have you got—" Rude attempted before his words melted into a series of raspy coughs that shook his entire body. Reno's happy façade fell away and he helped his Charge sit up and rubbed his back. It was several minutes later before Rude could lie back again and breathe somewhat normally through an abused and wheezy windpipe. He looked to Reno. "Go to bed," he said firmly.

"I can't sleep," the redhead admitted.

"You were sleeping just fine a minute ago."

"Right, when you were asleep and not sounding like you're dying," Reno said. A brief look of guilt washed over Rude's face and the redhead immediately regretted saying anything. "I'm sorry. I don't blame you for being sick. It's not your fault. I just worry about you."

"I'm not dead yet."

"And that's good. I want to make sure it stays that way."

"Go to sleep."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, I really can't."

"Reno," Rude said, furrowing his brows some. He put his hand on the Carrier's shoulder and shoved him some. "Sleep."

"But I ca—" the redhead said, though his words were cut off by more coughing. "This is what I'm talking about. How can I sleep when you're like this?" he asked.

"It's worse because I'm talking," Rude choked out, holding his chest as he waited for his airway to clear again. It was Reno's turn to feel guilty. He looked at his unused bed. It seemed so cold. When he turned back to his Charge, Rude was giving him a searing glare. He put his hands up, surrendering.

"Okay okay, I get it," Reno said with a nervous laugh. He was starting to think his Charge wanted him to sleep because he thought Reno was getting annoying. The idea sent a pang through his chest. He sighed and stood from his seat, trudging over to the bed. He kicked off his shoes, shrugged off his jacket, and pulled the belt from his pants. Once under the covers, he lay down, pulled the blankets up to his chin, and stared at his Charge with wide doe eyes, quietly seeking approval.

"Good. Now stay there," Rude said gruffly, rolling onto his side with his back to the redhead. Reno frowned a little, but didn't say anything. In reality, the Charge wasn't really angry about anything. He was just as worried about Reno as Reno was for him. To him, his friend's demeanor was unlike anything he had ever seen before. For once in his life, Reno really looked his age; like a tired middle aged man. Being a Carrier, the concept of aging wasn't a concern, but that didn't mean that the stressors in life couldn't drag them down and give a little droop to everything. His normal vibrant self was turning into a distant memory for Rude and it hurt the man more than he felt it should have. The Charge couldn't do anything to force himself to get better faster, but pushing the redhead away for the moment so he could rest more was the only alternative he could come up with to help. Plus, Reno getting some decent sleep would hopefully bring back the vibrancy the Charge liked so much.

* * *

Leon spent a few days being very very very _very_ confused. Zell didn't seem to be all that affected by the kiss, but that only made the Carrier think about it more. They spent a lot of time together, but none of it gave Leon the impression that there was any more between them than what they had before. Then again, he was fairly stupid when it came to relationships and he knew it. He second guessed just about everything they did together, wondering if there was some underlying context he was missing. Zell noticed the brunette's tenseness and felt guilty. Knowledge of Leon's rape kept him at bay, not wanting to push the subject of anything more for fear of treading on something fragile in the Carrier's psyche. However, he didn't have to think on it very long. Leon's patience eventually ran out and he _had _to know what he should be looking for.

"Okay," the brunette said, scooting up to Zell's side. They were outside again, sitting under a tree together. They both had a pile of books next to them. Zell's were mostly for his studies, but Leon's were just randomly pulled from the library; whatever seemed interesting. Leon took the book from the blonde's hands and set it next to him. He gave his friend a scrutinizing look, leaning in and practically searing the skin off Zell's face with his eyes. The blonde leaned away from him, a brow raised.

"Okay? Is there something on my face?" he asked confusedly. Leon was quiet for a moment before he sighed and sat back again.

"This is bothering me," he said.

"I'm sorry? Do I have a booger or something? If it offends you, I can pick it if that's what it takes to make things right again," Zell offered. Leon's expression blanked as he let the opportunity sink in before he abruptly laughed. The blonde grinned.

"No. You don't have one. Well, I mean, you might, but I don't need to go looking for it. You can keep it."

"What's bothering you, then?"

"It's not…" Leon trailed, wondering how he should word things. "It's not _bothering_ me per se, but I am really confused by… the other day."

"Oh? What about it?" Zell asked, folding his legs underneath him. He balanced his elbow on his knee and his chin in his palm, giving the brunette his undivided attention. Leon picked at the grass, unable to keep solid eye contact.

"I'm not sure how far I should read into it," he admitted.

"How far do you _want_ to read into it?"

"I'm not sure about that too."

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Not… uncomfortable. Confused. Extremely confused. Maybe a little nervous, too," Leon said uneasily. "I'd feel better if I knew where it came from and why."

"You needed something new to think about rather than dwell on what's going on in the infirmary. I've liked you ever since I met you, so I felt okay with it, but at the time it was more of a distraction. But if you're okay with it too, then it can be more. I'm not going to push you for it, though. I don't want to overstep boundaries. Or at least… overstep them more than I already have."

"Oh," Leon deadpanned, unsure how to take the explanation. He furrowed his brows in thought. It was true that he hadn't thought about much else over the last few days so for what it was worth, Zell accomplished what he set out to do.

"You've been through a lot. If this makes things worse for you, don't act on it. Seriously. I don't want to hurt you; it was never my intention. You look sort of upset."

"I'm trying to decide what I'm comfortable with. I'm not upset."

"I thought you said it didn't make you uncomfortable."

"Not kissing. I'm just trying to figure out how far I'm willing to go and if it's worth wasting your time. You know I'm not going to stay here for very long. Cloud and I… Hm," the brunette said, his thoughts coming full circle. If he was to get involved with Zell, would being around Cloud be detrimental? He could very easily imagine Rinoa getting angry with him for it, but he couldn't decide if Zell would be the same way.

The blonde smiled. "Believe me, whatever happens is cool. I'm not expecting you to disrupt all your plans and all your preparations just because I'm willing to do whatever. If you want to go further, then we can. If you don't, then we won't. You're not offending me either way."

"Okay…"

"Seifer taught me a valuable lesson when it came to getting involved with someone in the military. Don't bank on getting married," Zell said with a laugh. He sat back, leaning back against his palms. "He was sort of a nutcase to hold himself back from graduating just so we could be deployed together. It was kind of cute, but at the same time, it was really stupid. I'm completely aware of the fact that I'm probably never going to leave the military. I will most likely die out in the middle of a field somewhere and that it's most likely going to happen within the next five years. My mom knows that, everyone here knows that's the way it works, so why should I delude myself into thinking I'm going to be some super soldier that's going to come out of this in twenty years and get married to a friend I met decades ago? It's just not realistic. So…" He made a thoughtful face and shrugged a little. "Don't expect me to be here a year from now. Don't expect me to take anything we have very seriously. I don't expect you to drop everything and commit to me, so you shouldn't feel pressured to do it either."

"So, you're proposing friends with benefits."

"Essentially. We can call it that."

"The only problem with that is I don't know how comfortable I am with those benefits," Leon said.

"Because I'm a guy? Or because of… the other stuff?" Zell asked. Flat out stating his friend had been raped seemed a little too brash.

"Some of both. Mostly the latter, but I've only ever been with Rinoa before…" the Carrier trailed, obviously torn over the idea. He wasn't like Cloud. The idea of having sex with a man was pretty much the same feeling he had when he thought about having sex with a woman. It just didn't matter; however, the interactions before and after were more or less a matter of pride for him when he thought about being with a man. With a woman, any sort of sexual faux pas could be brushed off as gender differences and such issues were easily put to rest. 'You don't understand because you don't have a penis' couldn't be used with Zell because he _did_ have one, and he had had a sex life before. He probably had enough experience to say 'Well that doesn't normally happen to _most_ guys…' and that was something Leon really didn't want to hear if he was absolutely abysmal. In fact, he was pretty sure he would be awful when the clothes came off.

"But you're not completely against it? If you were, you would've told me already right?"

"Right. I'm just a little worried."

"Worried you'll… underperform?"

Leon held his face in his hands. "Is it really that obvious?"

"No, but I was the same way," Zell said with a smile.

"Oh," the Carrier said, his cheeks a bit pink.

"Honestly, the fact that we can talk so casually about this and you're not running in the other direction is a pretty good indication of how level headed you are about this. I'm more confident about your first time than I was with mine."

"I'm glad one of us is confident about it, then."

The blonde laughed. "You're thinking too far into it. Just relax. Everything's cool. We'll figure it out when we get to it."

The skies overhead started to dim as a wave of clouds blocked out the sun. Both boys looked up and tried to figure out how much time they had outside before it started raining. They both preferred the outdoors as opposed to the stifling indoors, so trying to prolong their visit under the tree was only natural. It started to drizzle, pattering a few raindrops here and there, and that was the sign to get going. Leon was completely okay with staying out in the rain, but they were surrounded by books, and the library didn't take to kindly to their things being ruined. Without saying much, they gathered their things and headed inside. Once there, Zell checked the time and sighed.

"I have class," he whined.

"Well then you better get going then, shouldn't you?" Leon asked rhetorically. The blonde shrugged, looking somewhat depressed over the idea.

"Yeah, I _guess_. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. You know where to find me."

"Okay," Zell said with a smile. Leon smiled back. "You should do that more," the blonde added.

The brunette's smile faded. "Do what?"

"Smile. It suits you better."

"I probably should," Leon agreed. With a wave and a grin, Zell left and headed for class. The Carrier went in the other direction towards his bedroom.

As he walked, Zell's mind was in a bit of a haze. There was a lot going on that he had to process, and he didn't know where to start. While it was true that he had somewhat of a curious interest in Leon, he couldn't definitively say that what they had agreed on was the right thing. It was nothing personal against the Carrier, but the blonde had absolutely no experience dealing with someone who had been through so much and there was a lot of second guessing on his end. Would going further hurt or help? Would it give Leon some comfort or would it traumatize him more? Zell didn't want to think that any of it was bad, but he couldn't let himself fall into the delusion that everything was sunshine and rainbows. The only sure thing he could count on was his own state of mind and focus on every clue Leon gave him and go from there.

A hand on his chest stopped him in his tracks and he startled some. Rinoa was hardly a foot away from his face and he was so involved with thinking that he hadn't even noticed her. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I heard you two outside," she said flatly, a smoldering glare burning into his face. Angelo was sitting next to her quietly, both of them slightly damp from the rain.

"Okay? So we were talking," Zell said skeptically. She pointed a finger in his face.

"Stay away from him. He doesn't need you or your bullshit."

"He probably doesn't _need_ it, but he seems to like it just fine. I don't really know why that's any of your business anyway. He doesn't seem to want to have anything more to do with you."

"He's delusional. Obviously he's been traumatized and thinks he's only good enough for other men now. Who knows how much he's keeping from everyone? For all we know, he could've been tortured, brainwashed. People don't just turn gay for no reason."

"You're right. They don't. And he obviously isn't gay because he was with you. He's bisexual, and he's allowed to be. I don't understand why that's so wrong."

"Bisexuality isn't a real sexuality. It's a phase. Everyone picks one gender eventually," she said, crossing her arms defiantly.

"… Do you even pay attention to the amount of shit that flies out of your mouth? I find it hard to believe that it's not that noticeable. Everyone picks one because they usually find one person they want to spend their life with and that person is generally one gender or the other. To everyone else, it looks like they're gay or straight with no grey area in between, but it doesn't change the person's interests just because they found someone specific. I don't…" Zell sighed, running a hand over his face. "I don't understand how you can be such a bitch and expect people to stick around you. Maybe I'm missing something, but it's not hard for me to imagine why you have no friends. Just… go away," he continued, walking around her and heading down the hall, shaking his head.

Fuming, she turned towards him and yelled at his back. "Friends with benefits never work out! You're just hurting him by giving him something so unfulfilling! It's selfish!"

"You're not his mother! Despite what you may think, he can make his own decisions!" Zell yelled back over his shoulder.

* * *

Leon was by himself in his dorm for a little while and spent the time reading and trying not to over think things. There were too many things to think about, but even if he could pick just one topic to focus on, he couldn't figure out which one he would understand the easiest. Thankfully, there was a knock on his door to distract him further. He didn't think Zell's classes were over so a visitor was sort of unexpected. Regardless, he answered. It was another student; one he had never met before.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Headmaster Cid wants to see you," she said.

"Oh. Okay, one second," the Carrier said, ducking back into his dorm to grab his key and pull on his boots. The walk to the elevator and the ride up to the top floor of the school was fraught with questions and concerns. He had no idea what to expect from the impromptu meeting, and was a little afraid Headmaster Cid was going to ask him and everyone else to leave. Cid's office was just how he remembered it from when he first came to the Garden and it was still just as daunting. The Headmaster himself wasn't at his desk, but was standing by the windows, looking out over the wide expanse of land behind the school. The student escorted Leon as far as the desk before turning to leave. Once the door clicked shut behind her, there was a brief but uncomfortable silence.

"It isn't very often that we have a student go through as much as you have. A year of training is not nearly enough to deal with everything you've seen. Basic combat skills are fine and everything, but the psychological things we teach during the second year are really what make a soldier as efficient as they can possibly be. Dealing with the horrors of war and using quick thinking to get out of hairy situations is the forefront to what we do. You've probably seen and gone through more horrors than any of the students here will ever see with half the experience to process them," Headmaster Cid said without turning away from the window. Leon stood by the desk awkwardly for a moment before going to stand by the man. The Headmaster turned to him and gave him a tiny smile. "I'd understand if you didn't want to continue your studies. I'd also understand any animosity you have towards us."

"I have no animosity for anyone here," Leon said.

"I probably shouldn't admit how comforting that is, but I will. I've thought a lot about the entire situation and it's kept me awake for several nights as I try to figure out what went wrong, what we missed, and what we could've done differently," the man said. He sighed a bit and turned back to the rain spattered window. "I hate to ask so much of you, but could you take some time to tell me everything you know about where you were and what you saw? Your medical reports were fairly definitive in telling me what happened to you, so I don't need any details about that, but wherever you were kept and what sort of place it was would be a very valuable bit of information. As of right now, we're fairly ignorant of what facilities Midgar has in our territory outside of Deling City."

"I can try. The only thing I know was that it was a base of some sort, in the desert, near Winhill. Or at least, where Winhill used to be. My friend Reno would probably know more than I do, but he would probably need some convincing before he'd give anything up," Leon said. He was always told to keep a hands-off approach when it came to the war and changing the future of the world he was in. Being a soldier was one thing, but he wasn't supposed to meddle with internal affairs. The information Reno had was something that could severely alter the way Balamb acted from that point forward, and it could even tip the scale in their favor if they were smart about it. It was a huge conflict of interests for them both since they knew where that world was headed and were both upset that such good people would be lost. Leon didn't want to make the decision for Reno, but he would keep his mouth shut if the redhead wanted to talk about what he knew.

"How much convincing would he need?" Headmaster Cid asked, his voice taking a serious edge. He looked to Leon again with a sort of coldness to his eyes. It was a valuable reminder to the Carrier that despite how compassionate one side seemed, this was still war, and there was still a 'whatever it takes' sort of mentality when it came to victory. He felt a little like he was dangling Reno in front of a hungry crocodile.

"I'm not sure. If he isn't willing to talk, though, what would happen? And for that matter, what would happen to everyone that isn't me?"

"It all depends how the conversation goes. Though, I do feel an immense obligation to keep you safe. If that means I can repent for our shortcomings by keeping you all here until you're well again, then I can do that, even if your friend refuses to help. But after everything is stable, I can't say I would be willing to offer the school up as a hotel for them so they should probably leave as soon as they can," the Headmaster said with a small shrug. "Then again, if they're helpful, I can be fairly generous. Whether or not this poses a problem for them is inconsequential to me. As my student, you are my only obligation and I intend to keep it that way at the very least."

"I see. I can't say that having to find somewhere else to say is that much of a motivation for him."

"Then so be it. We're not desperate for help. We can manage on our own. If he doesn't give us anything, then nothing changes. It's really just that simple. For now, though, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know," the man said, turning to Leon again. "Did you need someone to talk to? A professional, maybe?"

Leon shook his head. "I think I have someone already."

"Alright. The offer will stand for as long as you're here. Have you thought about classes and whether or not you want to continue your education here?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure. Part of me wants to stay and part of me wants nothing to do with it," the Carrier admitted. It was a half lie. He had no idea how long they would need to stay before Cloud was able to move freely again, so in order to make sure they weren't kicked out prematurely, he figured it was best to show some interest in staying. Really, once everything was set and they were on their way out, he wouldn't come back, so any sort of consequence for abandoning his duties would be a moot issue. He just needed to make sure they had a roof to stay under until they could get moving. Plus, he was nowhere near mentally prepared enough to venture out on his own with Cloud. Maybe having some semblance of normalcy with Zell and a little bit of peace would set him straight. Or so he hoped.

"I have to ask you to make a decision because I need to know what I should be doing with you. Whatever your choice is, I will support it, and help you get where you need to be. However, I can only wait so long before things need to move along. It's useless to have you start any classes at this point since the year is almost over, so I'll give you until then to figure out what you want to do. The sooner the better."

"Fair enough."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Nothing that I can think of. What you've already done for us is more than enough, and you didn't have to do it in the first place. Thank you."

"It's not a problem. If you could talk to your friend for me, I would be very appreciative. Otherwise, you're dismissed," the Headmaster said, turning back to the window.

"Yes sir."

* * *

Cloud was bored. Leon hadn't come back since their little spat the a couple days before, so his avenues for entertainment had all but dried up. There was no television in his room, no radio for music, he couldn't read, and he couldn't move very well. All he had to do was think, and even that wasn't helping very much. He hated to admit it, but talking to the brunette and hearing the stories Leon had to tell him were actually more interesting than he realized. The blonde found himself wondering more and more about wherever they were supposedly going and what the people were like there. Whenever Leon mentioned their work, it got sort of muddled and hard to process, but the people sounded okay. He waited and waited and waited, but Leon didn't come back.

For four days Cloud sat by himself with nothing but his mind to entertain him. It eventually got to the point where immature mischief was all he had. Tossing the fork the nurses gave him for his meals out into the waiting area was fairly exciting, especially when the younger girls were working and had to bend over to pick it up and bring it back to him. Cheap thrills like looking up the occasional short skirt eventually led to more daring moves simply because he wondered how much he could get away with. Dropping something next to his bed when the prettiest nurse was working was his favorite past time, and he eventually got so bold that sticking his hand up her skirt and feeling the inside of her legs felt like something he was almost entitled to. That is, until she put a stop to that by backhanding him across the face. She left in a huff, and the blonde was later informed that Dr. Kadowaki was the only one who would be seeing him from that point forward. Needless to say Cloud's hands stayed where they were supposed to when she was around.

"I don't understand why you're so cranky. You brought it upon yourself," the good doctor said to him as she looked over his charts. Cloud scoffed and folded his arms over his chest.

"She was asking for it."

"Women don't ask to be molested simply by wearing clothes they like."

"I was giving her a compliment. I can't talk to her, so what else was I supposed to do? I just wanted her to know that I like her legs. It's not a crime."

"Not in your country, it isn't. But here, you need permission to touch other people."

"Her skirt was enough permission. It's like putting something expensive on a pedestal without protective glass. You're practically asking for it to be touched."

"That's not how it works with people. You have to understand that if you want to get the most out of this place. I don't expect you to know everything we do here, but at the very least use some common sense," the woman chastised. "Plus, you could've asked Squall to translate for you if you really wanted to compliment her so badly."

"I haven't seen that bastard in days."

"Oh really? I can't imagine why," she said sarcastically. She and Leon had talked on several occasions about Cloud's health, and she was fully aware the Carrier hadn't been in to see his Charge, but Cloud didn't need to know that.

"Whatever. I knew he was full of shit anyway. He wasn't going to take me anywhere," Cloud said, slouching down under the covers more, looking grumpy. He felt betrayed and he hated it. It wasn't supposed to hurt so much when someone one barely knew turned away and abandoned them.

"From what I hear, you told him to leave," Dr. Kadowaki said, idly flipping through the blonde's papers. Cloud furrowed his brows.

"How'd you hear that?"

"The nurses told me."

"… They understood what I said?"

"Yes. Most of them are bilingual."

"… So you're telling me I _could've_ talked to that one with the nice legs?"

"Yes. Did you even try?"

"No."

"Exactly. And now you're stuck with me," the woman said with a bit of a smile. She couldn't help herself. Cloud held his face in his hands.

"I can't believe this," he sighed.

"Do you regret it now?"

"Yes."

"Good. Because I was lying," she said with a tiny laugh. Cloud dropped his hands to his lap and gawked at her.

"How the _fuck_ are you a doctor? You're a terrible person. This only reinforces my fear of you coming in and killing me in my sleep."

"Teaching you a valuable lesson in how things work over here was worth the breech in ethics. You haven't once said anything positive about anything we're doing for you, not even a 'thank you.' If it wasn't for Squall insisting we care for you, we would've just let you wander out of here and left you to your own devices. How long do you think you would've lasted? We're several miles from town and you would need to cross open planes and forests full of wildlife and beasts before you found any more people. If that's a better alternative to sitting in here and getting better, then you should keep insulting people. I'm a hair's breadth away from letting you leave, just so that you're aware. I will _not_ have you molest my nurses and I won't stand for any more abuse. Do you understand?"

The reality of the situation smacked Cloud in the face. Without Leon to keep him there, no one else gave much of a damn about what happened to him. He was quiet for several minutes before nodding. "Yes."

"Glad to hear it," she said, setting his charts back in their little cubby at the end of his bed. She turned to leave, but Cloud stopped her.

"Wait! If the nurses didn't tell you that I told Squall to leave, then how did you know?" he asked.

"He told me himself. He didn't seem happy about it, either. I don't think I'll ever understand how you can so freely hurt someone who's obviously just trying to help you," she said, leaving the blonde by himself again.

Cloud didn't know what to say. He thought over the entire situation again, analyzing everything he could remember with a metaphorical microscope. Leon was a creepy guy as far as Cloud was concerned, and the reason he was no longer living in an ignorant bubble about all the damage he had caused in his life. The Carrier had apparently stalked him his entire life and presented all of his sins on a silver platter and shoved it in his face for him to be traumatized by. Despite all that, despite knowing what an awful person Cloud was, Leon wanted to give him an entirely new life. From the sounds of it, that life didn't sound all that bad, either. Aside from those two conflicts, Cloud couldn't think of much else that Leon did to him. For as weird as he was, the Carrier hadn't forced him to do anything, didn't cause him any real harm, protected him, killed for him, and listened whenever Cloud told him to do something. When the blonde didn't want to be touched, Leon backed off. When he wanted Leon to leave, he left.

With Aerith's death staring him in the face, it was hard for Cloud to look past everything negative Leon had caused him, but he could admit the Carrier wasn't that bad. He was a bland, boring, mopey sort of guy, but he wasn't _bad_. He felt a little guilty for overreacting and sending Leon away, but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to beg for the Carrier to return. Dealing with such conflicting emotions was exhausting and after a while of thinking about all of it, the blonde eventually gave up and rolled over for a nap. His dreams were fraught with the possible future of being dumped outside the school and left on his own.

He awoke again that evening to a dark room and partial silence. He strained his ear to hear what the slight sound was and eventually concluded that someone was having sex somewhere nearby. He was sort of jealous, but before he could dwell on the feelings too long, something out of the corner of his eye moved and he startled. Half of the lights in his room clicked on and there was someone standing next to the closed door that he sort of recognized. It was Seifer, though Cloud couldn't remember the name even if his life depended on it. With a smug smile, the cadet meandered over to Cloud's bedside just in time for the sickly blonde to sit himself up.

"You probably can't understand me, but that's okay," Seifer said with a bit of a shrug. Cloud furrowed his brows in confusion. Before he could question anything, Seifer stuffed a hand in his jacket pocket and pulled out a syringe. "I have a present for you," he said, waving the little glass tube in front of the soldier's face. Cloud's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped.

"Mako," he said, his heart rate speeding up and pounding against his ribcage. Seifer laughed a little.

"That's right. You wouldn't _believe_ the trouble I had to go through to get this, you know," he leaned in, his smile widening. "Do you want to be my _best_ friend? I think we should be. Best friends do things for one another. I can give you this, and all you have to do is follow me. Is that okay?" he asked, though Cloud wasn't paying attention to him. His eyes were glued to the syringe in the other's hand.

"Please," he said, hardly above a whisper. He glanced at Seifer's face then back at the syringe. "I don't want to be sick anymore."

"I didn't understand a word you said, but I'm going to pretend that was an agreement," Seifer said, handing the syringe to Cloud. The younger blonde practically snatched it from him and nearly dropped it. He fumbled around with it for a moment before he was able to hold it properly. Flexing his arm a few times to make his veins stand out a bit more, he pulled off the cap with his teeth and was quick to plunge the needle into his forearm. Seifer stood back with a raised brow, the enthusiasm catching him a bit off guard. Cloud visibly shuddered and let out a long relieved sigh, the rush of euphoria immediate.

"Fuck…" he trailed, laughing a bit as he flopped back against the pillows with a small smile.

"Okay, that's not completely weird or anything. I really hope you didn't just cream your panties because we need to get going, and that's just embarrassing," Seifer said with a bit of a shrug. He turned to the small cabinet in the corner of the room and threw the doors open, digging around for Cloud's clothes. He tossed the fabric on the other blonde's bed and turned around, giving Cloud an impatient look. "Come on now. Raijin can only fuck your babysitter for so long."


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 50

There was one thing Leon was certain about, and that was he really enjoyed Zell's company. They could have a conversation and the brunette didn't feel like he was being judged, the subject would be something semi-intelligent, he wasn't being drilled for personal details about himself, and the overall atmosphere was casual and comfortable. Not even Reno made him feel _that_ relaxed. Zell didn't push him to do things or encourage him to go out of his comfort zone. The blind acceptance he had for the Carrier and all the faults of his personality was something Leon promised to keep in the back of his mind when talking to anyone else. He knew any sort of relationship he had with Zell, regardless of magnitude, was something he was going to compare future relationships to. On several occasions, he wondered if the technicians would notice if he put Zell in Cloud's place. He felt bad for thinking that way, so he kept his opinion secret.

Everyone has their secrets, and Zell was no exception. The only reason he knew how to deal with Leon so well was because Rinoa opened her big mouth. Once the initial shock of Leon and Irvine going missing settled, her anger was quick to take the place of her grief and she couldn't help but share just about everything she knew about the Carrier. From his dislike of talking about himself, to the secrets he kept, to his weird textured tongue, to how he was a virgin before she got to him, and even how he never had sex with his shift off; all of it. The only part Zell didn't pay attention to was when she went on about the size of Leon's penis. It was physically impossible for anyone to be that microscopic, and even if it wasn't hanging down to the brunette's knees, Zell was sure it was just fine. Regardless, he knew what landmines of questioning to stay away from. He knew that Leon liked to spend quiet time with people and wasn't one for going out and being a social butterfly. Even if Leon didn't share mountains of information with him, Zell didn't get upset because he knew if he tried to get anything out of him it would just backfire. Instead, he would just lend an ear whenever the Carrier did want to talk.

It was still raining outside, and instead of sitting in the mud together, both boys were sprawled out all over Leon's couch with books littering the floor. The brunette's legs were stretched out in front of him with Zell sitting between them down near his ankles. The Carrier was loosely helping the cadet with his homework, but was mostly reading simply because he enjoyed it. Zell wasn't the most studious person around and complex battle strategies were very long winded and he lost his understanding of them fairly easily. Leon would read the page over and put it into simple paraphrasing the blonde could remember easier.

"This is why I shouldn't be a soldier. I'm a thinker, not a fighter," Leon said, handing Zell's book back to him and laying back against the armrest again. The blonde laughed.

"I'm the opposite. I'm better with quick thinking and reaction time than I am with books."

"At least you're aware of it and you're not like the assholes that go around trying to be the best and denying when they fail at something. Everyone has their limitations and weaknesses."

"Unfortunately the military expects us to be everything all at once. You can't slack in either category otherwise you get left behind," Zell said, turning a page.

"It'd be different if they didn't grade you on it, though. If it was a pass/fail sort of environment, it'd be more brutal. Getting a 'C' in a class is good enough. You don't have to be stellar for something like this."

"True, but if you don't work enough to get a decent grade, you can seriously tell when you're out there with the people who did better than you. Running left when everyone else is running right is sort of a bad idea in the middle of a bunch of gunfire."

"Yeah, but hopefully no one works to get a 'C' and they have enough sense to run with the herd and not keep going the wrong way when they've noticed their mistake. Common sense should make up for the academic slights in a fight."

"I suppose," Zell said with a tiny sigh. He had been studying for a couple hours and was starting to burn out. Leon noticed his defeated tone and looked to him.

"You alright?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah, but my eyes are crossing and I'm not really absorbing anything anymore. Just sort of staring at the page and hoping it makes sense."

"Take a break. Come back to it in an hour."

"Okay," Zell agreed, leaning over and setting the open book on top of all the others. He stretched his arms over his head and bent backwards some to stretch his spine. Heaving a heavy sigh, the blonde crawled forward a few feet and flopped onto Leon's abdomen, forcing the Carrier to let out a grunt.

"Uh…" the brunette drawled stupidly.

"Shh, I'm taking a break," Zell said, draping his legs out behind him along the couch. Leon couldn't decide if he was okay with their new arrangement, but before he could voice any protest, the blonde picked his head up off his stomach and looked at him with a bit of concern in his eyes.

"What?" the brunette asked.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"…Yes? Why? Should I not?"

"You're really warm. Like… feverish sort of warm."

"Oh. No, that's just me. I'm fine."

"Okay. Just checking," Zell said, getting comfortable again. After a few moments of silence, Leon went back to his book and all was quiet again. Once the blonde was confident the brunette's mind was off of their new positioning, he decided to test the waters a little and smoothed a gloved hand over the inside of Leon's thigh. He could feel the tension run through the Carrier's muscles as he froze no doubt in surprise. The apprehension remained there for several moments as Leon debated if he was okay with it or not. Zell wasn't stopped immediately, so the blonde assumed all was well and continued forth. His hand made it to where Leon's leg met his pelvis and that was when the Carrier reached down and covered that hand with his own, stopping everything. The brunette's fingers were lightly trembling as his anxiety became overwhelming.

"Sorry," Zell immediately said, pulling back. The brunette didn't let go of his hand, but stayed quiet. Leon heaved a heavy sigh and laid his book on his face, closed his eyes, and tried to calm himself. He took a minute to remind himself that he wasn't being hurt, Zell wasn't going to force him, and that Cloud wasn't anywhere in sight so there was no reason to be afraid.

"It's okay. I'm okay," Leon blurted. Zell sat up and crawled forward so he was on all fours and hovering over the Carrier's face. The brunette peeked over the top of his book. "Hi," he mumbled into the pages.

"Hi," the cadet responded. He gave the other a sheepish smile. "Is it too soon? Should I not even try?"

Leon shrugged. "What's the difference if something happens now or two months from now? Nothing. It doesn't change what's already happened. If it somehow magically changed the past, then that'd be a different story."

"You're sure?" Zell asked. Leon nodded. The blonde pursed his lips in thought before scooting off the couch and standing. Taking the Carrier by the hand he pulled the brunette up to do the same and led him into the bedroom. The gravity of the situation and what he had agreed to hit Leon in the chest and his anxiety raised some. However, the darkness of his bedroom helped calm him. The moon was out and fairly bright, but it wasn't so bright that they could read by it. For Zell, it would be just enough light to see so he wouldn't poke Leon's eye out with anything, but for the Carrier, it didn't matter regardless. He could see just fine. Knowing that his partner wouldn't be able to see the imperfections on his body took away a few of the worries he had, and it was just enough for him to keep a level head so far.

After kicking off his shoes, Zell turned and smoothed his hands up Leon's chest and onto his shoulders. Pulling the Carrier down as he pushed himself up on his toes, their lips met unsteadily as the tension in Leon's shoulders threatened to rip him apart. There was so much fear involved that it felt like his heart was in a vice and was steadily being squeezed in on itself. Zell could feel the uneasiness and pulled back, searching the Carrier's face for any obvious emotion. Leon couldn't look at him. The blonde took his hand and led him to the bed to sit. The brunette followed and parked himself on the edge, focusing on the floor.

"Don't force yourself," Zell said, his tone quiet and careful. He folded his legs and watched Leon closely.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm impressed you let me get as far as I did. Sorry I'm pushing you too much."

Leon glanced at him. "It's not like I don't want to, I'm just…"

"Scared?"

"Yeah," the brunette agreed, letting out a dry laugh and flopping back on the bed, mashing the heels of his hands in his eyes. "I feel so stupid. I shouldn't be like this. It's not a big deal."

"Whoa whoa whoa _whoa_. Hold on there," Zell said, waving a hand. "It _is_ a big deal, dude. You went through some serious shit and you need time to heal. You can want whatever you want, but you're not going to be able to do anything until you feel safe again. It's okay to admit that. I've just never dealt with anything like this before so my half-brained ideas of trying to comfort you don't work very well. There's nothing you're doing wrong. Trust me."

Leon was quiet for several moments as he thought it over. Eventually he sat up and gave Zell a sheepish look. "Okay. But I still want to try. Just… not anymore today."

Zell grinned. "Deal."

* * *

The phrase 'friends with benefits' irked Seifer in a way he had never experienced before. It sounded like an okay deal in theory; all of the benefits of having a committed relationship without the commitment. However, it was all a myth. There were always strings attached and there was no doubt in Seifer's mind that, if allowed to go on long enough, Leon and Zell would end up in a proper relationship which put him out in the proverbial doghouse. He couldn't have that. It wasn't acceptable. In his mind, Leon didn't deserve Zell's benefits let alone any of Zell's commitment. He had had a lengthy discussion with Rinoa about it, and from what she told him, things were progressing quickly between them, and Seifer felt he needed to cause a bit of a rift to slow things down, if not sever it all completely. Talking to Zell hadn't helped bring them back together, so the acidic blonde's only other choice was action. That's where Cloud came in.

The unsuspecting pointy haired soldier was blindly following Seifer and Fujin through the halls of Balamb Garden, curiously looking the scenery over. The place was massive, extremely clean, and looked very expensive in his eyes. It gave him the same feeling that standing in Balamb's capital city did; like he was unfit to be there. However, with the Mako coursing through his veins, he cared less about his societal standing and was more concerned about how shiny everything looked. Additionally, he didn't really care why or where he was following Seifer. Similar to when he used to hang around Sephiroth, he was just going with the flow and not allowing his mind to overanalyze, though he probably should have been.

"I wonder when Raijin will be finished. He knows where to meet up, yeah?" Seifer asked, looking to Fujin. The snowy haired stoic woman nodded.

"Yes. Basement."

"Good."

Through the main thoroughfare and up the grand staircase, the trio stopped in front of the elevator and Seifer bashed the down arrow with the side of his fist. The school was mostly empty, as it was late and most everyone was sleeping or studying. This was fascinating to Cloud. Such a huge place should be bustling with people, in his opinion. The fact that it wasn't was somewhat unsettling. Perhaps more unsettling was the fact that Seifer and Fujin were very obviously armed. It took him several minutes to realize that the large aquamarine disc attached to Fujin's side was actually sharp like a blade and that underneath Seifer's long coat was a scabbard and its accompanying sword. Even with these revelations, the haziness of the Mako didn't allow him to be too concerned for his safety. The initial realization was the only real time he felt any danger and the feeling was fleeting.

The elevator ride down to the school's basement was quiet. The shifts in weight tossed Cloud's stomach around and made him feel queasy, but he held himself together well enough. He couldn't figure out for the life of him where they were going or why, but it didn't really matter enough for him to ask. Even if he was to get upset about it, he didn't see the point. He was alone regardless of what he did. Leon had abandoned him, he was hopelessly undereducated, and he couldn't even begin to understand how to get home again. At that point, he figured whatever happened was better than lying around in bed all day. Even if it meant he was heading to his death, he considered it an improvement. At least then the suffering would stop.

The Garden's basement looked like the innards of an industrial park. Huge generators, boilers, and water heaters took up most of the multileveled space, with winding staircases and catwalks leading every which way. In the middle of each level were a series of control panels that kept everything in check, but there were no maintenance workers to be seen; everyone had gone home for the evening. It was almost dungeon-like in appearance to Cloud. The lighting was poor, the air was stale, and it seemed hopelessly isolated. It wasn't completely closed off from the rest of the school, though. At the very least there were several telephone panels with buttons that could be linked to just about any department in the school, so no one was really very far from everyone else. However, that fact didn't settle Cloud's stomach any as he wasn't really aware of it.

"You're awfully quiet back there. Aren't you curious as to what we're doing?" Seifer asked, glancing over his shoulder at the blonde. Cloud raised a brow, the language barrier like a wall between them. Seifer smiled. "Don't look so confused. It's really not very smart of you to just follow me around like a lost puppy, but I suppose that's all you're good for, right? Following orders and being cannon fodder? By Midgar's standards, you must've been a real gem. Doing everything you're supposed to without any complaint. Where's the fun in that?"

"Pathetic," Fujin chimed with a nonchalant shrug. Seifer laughed, heading down a spiral staircase to the lowest level. The woman left them and stood watch at the top. Cloud hesitated a little when he realized she wasn't following, but continued anyway. Part of him knew he should've been more skeptical, but again, the logic was fleeting and he gave up trying to focus and think about it.

"I don't like you. I don't like what you do, where you've come from, and how you've probably lived your life. It's disgusting. You're disgusting," Seifer said calmly. Once off the staircase, he casually walked towards a series of pipes where there was a tiny table with a large roll of tape, a jar, padlocks, and a pile of thick chain. Cloud stopped some distance away, eyeing the scene warily. Seifer's smile split into a grin. "What's the matter? Not into kinky stuff? That's a shame."

"I don't trust you," Cloud said flatly.

"Still have no idea what you said, but it doesn't matter. We're best friends, remember? We're going to have lots of fun," the cadet said, drawing his rapier-like Gunblade from its sheath. Every synopsis in Cloud's brain fired at once, quickly assessing the situation. There weren't many ways he could go to get away, but he was more confident in his ability to overpower Fujin than trying to take Seifer on. As the menacing cadet strode towards him with no apparent hostility in his body language, Cloud scooted towards the staircase. "Where are you going? Don't you want to see what I have for you?" Seifer asked, sounding hurt.

Cloud took off for the staircase. Seifer made no effort to give chase, which was a blessing in his eyes. However, Fujin calmly made her way down the staircase as he came closer. She stood a few steps from the bottom and did something Cloud had never seen before. A thin iridescent green line traced itself around her feet and wispy streaks of the Lifestream slowly crawled up from her feet, following the line of her body. Purplish orbs were soon to follow as the energy built around her. As soon as Cloud noticed the phenomena, he stopped. Standing on the last few steps, he was immensely confused but made to shove past her. Once his foot landed on the next step up, Fujin quickly flicked her hand through the air and a gust of wind was quick to whip up. The force of the flurry was enough to make Cloud cry out as he was knocked back several feet off the staircase. He rolled a few times and eventually came to rest on his stomach, his entire body feeling like one giant bruise.

_What the fuck was that? She doesn't have any Materia. This makes no sense,_ he thought to himself. Stiffly pushing himself up so he could try something else, he only got a couple inches off the floor before he felt something sharp and cold ghosting over the soft skin on his neck. He froze, bug eyed. Seifer's boots were the only things he could see and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness swept over him. Slowly looking up, he was greeted by a cocky smile and a mocking tone.

"Are you scared? Is this a new feeling for you? I bet it is. I imagine this is what people felt like before you murdered them. Raped them. Beat them. Am I right? Did you do those things? I'm sure you have. It's like a rite of passage where you're from. You're a puppet of the government, being controlled and made to batter its people, the helpless sheep, into submission. You're the worst kind of person; you really should be wiped from this planet for the sake of everyone else," Seifer explained. Cloud watched him, not understanding. The scope of his lack of comprehension went beyond the language barrier this time, and all he could think about is the why. Why was this happening? Why was he there? Why did Leon leave him to this fate? Did Leon put this together and convinced Seifer to teach him some sort of lesson? Was this Leon's plan all along? To take him from his home to torture and beat him? Why? For what purpose? There were too many questions and not enough time or sense to sort through them to find answers. Seifer let the tip of his blade drop to the floor as he squatted, looking the soldier in the eye. Cloud could feel the hate radiating off his skin.

"I don't understand why you're so important to him. There must be something, otherwise, why would he bring you here? Then again, maybe he got bored of you and left. I didn't see him visit you for a few days. He probably found an interest in something else, which is why I'm here. That something else is mine and he can't have it. I don't know how to switch his focus back to you peacefully, so I'm sorry to say, you're going to hate this. Actually, I'm not all that sorry. You deserve it." Grabbing a handful of Cloud's hair, the cadet wrenched him to his feet and started pulling him towards the table near the pipes. Cloud let out a yell and tried to squirm away, grabbing Seifer's wrist in a futile effort to hurt it somehow. All he got was a handful of fabric; the sleeve of the cadet's long coat.

Just as Cloud was starting to contemplate ripping his own scalp off to get away, Seifer let go of his hair and backhanded him across the face. Staggering, Cloud was too out of sorts to react before Seifer's fist collided with his solar plexus, causing him to double over as the air left his lungs. Letting the soldier drop to the floor, Seifer stepped to the table and took up the length of chain and the padlocks. He was quick to weave the metal around Cloud's wrists and pull the slack towards a pipe that was several feet off the ground. Tossing the excess over the pipe, the cadet pulled back and yanked Cloud to his feet again, forcing him to jog to keep up with the tension. Gasping for air, the soldier was hoisted up enough to keep his arms straight and most of his body suspended. He could've stood in place if he tried, but the disorientation wasn't giving him such a luxury. Seifer secured the end of the chain by locking it around another pipe.

"It's okay. I'm pretty sure you're not going to die. Once I'm done, I plan on hitting the emergency call button on one of the phones so someone can find you. I'm not a murderer like you. We're different." Seifer stepped to the table and opened the jar. Now that he was closer, Cloud could see that it was filled to the brim with Mako. Seifer glanced at him before going back and grabbing the back collar of his shirt and pulling downward. Choking, Cloud coughed as the fabric was pulled against his neck. However, it was quick to tear as the cadet ripped a large piece off for him to use. Dipping the fabric in the jar like a rag, he took the Mako and smeared it along the majority of the tip of his blade.

_I'm going to die,_ was all Cloud could think as Seifer pushed him around so his back was visible and as accessible as possible. Pressing the tip of the blade into the soldier's skin, Seifer slowly dragged the metal down, slicing a clean line down and across Cloud's back. The pain didn't register right away, but the Mako on the blade burned into the wound, causing the blood and edges of the skin to bubble a little as it was exposed. Cloud screamed as white hot pain shot up his spine, forcing him to bow forward in a weak attempt to get farther away. Recoating the tip in Mako, Seifer started again, cutting across the first wound like an X. He did it so calmly, so nonchalantly, that it only added to the surreal horror of the moment for Cloud. Seifer wasn't saying anything. There were no more insults, no more accusations, just a quiet peacefulness; as if it was his right to be there.

Deciding that the blonde was making too much noise, the cadet stepped back to the table to retrieve the thick roll of tape. He tore off a piece and went in front of Cloud. He gave the soldier a smile as heavy panicked breaths squeaked out of Cloud's abused vocal cords. Seifer covered the other's mouth with tape, disregarding his breathing completely, and went back to the matter at hand. Cloud's blood dripping out of the open wounds was extremely fascinating to him. It wasn't normal. It was too thick, too dark, and moved like an ooze rather than a drip. He didn't take very long to think about it and pressed onward, slicing the helpless soldier's back to ribbons.

_I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. So stupid,_ was Cloud's last thought as his consciousness started to fade.

* * *

"I never actually came out and said anything directly, but I think she knows," Zell said with a tiny shrug. He and Leon hadn't left the brunette's bedroom and had taken to starting idle chit chat about anything they could come up with. The current topic was whether or not Zell had talked to his mother about being gay. "I mean, I never had a girlfriend, had lots of guy friends, and I always get angry whenever someone gay bashes. She says she wants grandkids but doesn't care where they come from, so she obviously acknowledges that they might not be genetically related."

"Well, so long as she's okay with it, I wouldn't worry too much," Leon said.

"I don't. My only concern is not lasting long enough to give them to her."

"Yeah… I can see why that would be more upsetting than having an adopted grandchild."

"What about you? Did your mom ever have an opinion on them?"

Leon shrugged. "I don't know. Never met her. Didn't know my dad, either."

"Oh, right. Sorry, I remember you telling me that now. Who raised you?"

There was a long hesitation as the Carrier tried to figure out an answer that made sense. "Mostly my cousins, I guess. Distant relatives. I don't really know their direct relation to me, but I know they were in some way. After a certain point, I mostly raised myself."

"Huh. Interesting," Zell said. He was tempted to go on to say 'well that explains a lot,' but felt it was a little rude. The conversation ground to a halt after that point and a comfortable silence fell between them. Eventually, the blonde sighed and stretched. "I should probably go back to my room and try to sleep. I have class in the morning."

"Ah. Alright," Leon said, shuffling off the bed and standing. Zell sat on the edge and pulled on his shoes and followed the Carrier to the couch where he gathered up his books with a huff. He really didn't want to leave. They had been talking so freely he felt like he was getting somewhere. Leon didn't want him to leave either, but responsibilities were more important than his social life in the end.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" the blonde asked. Leon nodded and walked him to the door. Zell backed out with a sheepish expression, like he wanted to say something more but couldn't put the words together. "Okay…well, bye," he blurted awkwardly and gave the Carrier a lopsided smile.

"Bye," Leon said with a tiny wave. The door slid closed as Zell left and the brunette heaved a heavy sigh, the emptiness of his dorm creeping in. After picking up his books and stacking them neatly on the table, he went to sit in his bedroom to think. There was too much to sort through. He knew he was going to regret getting closer to Zell in the end, but he couldn't help himself. Spending the rest of his time there alone, as if he was back in his prison cell, was a nightmare in of itself. His emotional stability was anything but stable and he craved for someone to just sit around with him and make him feel like he was worth something. Just acknowledging his off kilter psyche was enough to make his chest hurt and give him a sense of hopelessness. Cloud hadn't given him any indication that he gave a damn about being left alone, which didn't help matters.

The Carrier stewed in his depressing thoughts for several minutes before deciding he needed to check on Cloud. He went to his desk where Reno's backpack was and dug around inside to pull out his computer. He hadn't touched the device since coming back to school, and he wondered if his water logged camera bugs had dried out to some sense of usability or if they were all destroyed. After picking through the little box they were kept in and shaking a few to see if they would work, the best he could get was a bug that moved at half the speed with a faded picture. Figuring it would have to do, he sent the tiny device to go find his Charge and was very surprised when it went in the complete opposite direction of the Infirmary. Confused, he wondered if the bug's internal compass was skewed.

It flew down an emergency staircase at a gimpy speed, crawled under a heavy metal door, and into a dim and dank space in the bowels of the Garden. Leon could barely see a figure standing around by what appeared to be another staircase, and it took a few moments of adjustment before he could bring it into focus enough to see Fujin's blank expression. She turned around and headed down the staircase, and when Leon couldn't hear her footfalls, he started to mess with the audio. Static and crackling echoed into his bedroom, and he scowled at the screen as the picture flickered a few times. Through the blinking and the disturbances, he heard a muffled _whoosh_ like a strong wind before hearing Cloud yell and a loud _thud_ shortly thereafter. His blood ran cold, and he didn't hesitate to toss the computer aside and take off for his door.

He had no idea what to expect or who, aside from Fujin, to be angry at. All he knew was that his Charge was somewhere under the school being hurt in some way and that it wasn't okay. Running through the halls as fast as he could, he zoomed past Zell who was about to head down his own hallway. The blonde called after him, but Leon couldn't stop to acknowledge him and kept running. He nearly skid past the emergency staircase door but managed to not fall on his face when he turned for it just in time. Galloping down the stairs, it wasn't long before another set of footsteps sounded along with his but not as fast. Zell was following him, which he was silently thankful for. Reaching the bottom of the staircase took much longer than Leon would've liked, and he threw open the heavy metal door as if it was made of paper and stepped inside.

Immediately disoriented, he had no idea which way to go. The camera bug was able to fly straight down without damage, but the Carrier couldn't figure out which way a staircase was to do the same. A scream shattered the silence in the basement and the sound hit the Carrier in the chest, making panic to seep into his veins. Zell managed to catch up with him as he stood there, trying to see somewhere to go.

"What's happening?" the blonde asked, sounding out of breath.

"Cloud's down here somewhere," Leon said. Another scream followed, but the volume wasn't nearly as piercing. The sound was below them, and the Carrier bent over the catwalk's side railing to see how far of a drop it was. A laugh, Seifer's laugh, filtered through the space. It sounded so distant.

"He already passed out. What happened to the Midgar super soldiers? This is just sad," Seifer said with obvious amusement in his voice.

"Hearsay," Fujin said.

"Must be. Must be. Oh well. I'm having too much fun with him to stop now."

"Kill?"

"If he dies, he dies. Whatever. It's not like he matters any. It'd be a mercy killing at this point. He was already half dead when we got him."

"Turn?"

"Yeah sure, have a go."

"Leon…?" Zell asked, peering over at the Carrier's face. The brunette had completely shut down as an unspeakable amount of rage crawled in and blew away any other emotion Leon had been feeling before that moment. His hands were gripping the railing so tightly, the metal was starting to bow inward under his fingertips. Without saying anything, he pulled himself up and over the railing and dropped to the catwalk beneath them. Zell yelled for him to wait, but Leon didn't hear him. Seifer and Fujin were right below him and the Carrier caught sight of them just as Fujin sliced her hand through the air again, forcing another gust of wind to sweep through the space. She was aiming for Cloud's back, which took the brunt of the force. The skin split in hundreds of different places, some deeper than others, but it only added to the bloodied mess that was already there. The _thud_ of Zell landing on the catwalk startled both Seifer and Fujin and they looked up to see them both start running down the spiral staircase to the bottom level.

"Shit! You're not supposed to be here!" Seifer barked, pointing at Zell as he quickly dropped the jar of Mako and bolted in the opposite direction. Fujin was quick to follow him. Towards the back of the basement was a lift that rose into the garage, and they were heading straight for it.

"No no no no," Leon mumbled to himself as he went to Cloud. Zell ran past him to chase down Seifer and Fujin but the Carrier stopped him. "Wait! Forget about them. Call for help," the brunette said, pressing his fingers into the soft flesh under Cloud's jaw to feel for a pulse. It was there, but faint, and the Carrier pulled the tape off his Charge's mouth to pick his face up. Unconscious, Cloud didn't react and hung there limply. Leon peeled an eye open and saw the faint glow in the blonde's irises, which was all the explanation he needed for how Cloud got down there without anyone thinking it was strange. The Carrier didn't want to believe the people at the Garden were heartless enough to ignore Siefer carrying Cloud like a sack of potatoes slung over his shoulder. It was admittedly less weird to see Cloud walking around like a normal person.

"I can break this. Hang on," Zell interjected, flicking the padlock holding the chains around Cloud's wrist. Hooking his fingers around the two end links, the blonde pulled in either direction. The ground under his feet emanated a soft greenish glow as he pulled energy directly from the Lifestream to help him. Every muscle in his upper body flexed, and the metal easily bowed and pulled apart from the force. It snapped in a few seconds and the chain quickly unwound itself, letting Cloud fall forward right into Leon's arms. The Carrier was stunned by the strength, but the thought was fleeting as he remembered the matter at hand. Zell left him to go to a phone and call for help.

"Cloud?" the brunette asked, sitting on the floor and pulling his Charge closer. He tried his hardest to ignore his Charge's injuries, but it was all he could see. Resting his cheek against the top of the blonde's head, he could feel the warmth of unshed tears burn the backs of his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he muttered quietly, hoping Cloud could hear him. Against his better judgment, he tried to pull the blonde a little closer, and his fingers ended up landing in a streak of blood. He froze and pulled his hand up to look at it, not because it was a shock to have it on his skin, but because the texture was abnormal.

_It's… gritty,_ he thought to himself, rubbing the moisture between his fingertips. It felt as if someone had taken a cup of water and mixed a spoonful of sand into it. It wasn't yet sludgy, but it was definitely not right. Seeing the jar of Mako that Seifer had dropped, the Carrier's curious mind wouldn't let him ignore it. Gently settling Cloud on the floor, he scooted the few feet to the jar and stuck his fingers in it. It was warm and felt the same as Cloud's blood, only much much thicker. Wiping his eyes dry with his clean hand, a lot of pieces of the puzzle started to click together for him and he wondered to what extent the damage was lurking under his Charge's battered skin. He went back and scooped Cloud up again, wiping his fingers on what was left of the blonde's shirt.

"Dr. Kadowaki is on the way," Zell said, sitting on the floor next to them. He took note of the brunette's puffy eyes and frowned. "He's going to be okay."

"No. He's not," Leon said quietly, settling his chin on Cloud's shoulder.

* * *

**A/N: ***Trudges off to work.*


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: **For and update on what da fuq happened and where I've been, please visit my Tumblr. It's post /22245067253/

Don't care? Sweet! Then read on.

* * *

Chapter 51

Leon felt like he was standing in a vacuum tube looking out through a pane of glass and was only able to see Cloud and an excess of blood. He couldn't hear anything, didn't notice anyone else, and it felt like there were fifty tons of weight on his shoulders. He should've been reassured that Dr. Kadowaki and her team of nurses were quick to respond to Zell's call, but he wasn't. If he were rational, he could see that the situation wasn't his fault. Even if he wasn't ignoring Cloud at the moment, the blonde was supposed to be asleep at that time of night and Leon would've been in his dorm anyway. But in his panic, he didn't see it that way. He had ignored Cloud and bad things happened to him. He hadn't been there to protect him like he was supposed to, and therefore it was his fault. The amount of guilt he had piling up was immense, and there was no foreseeable way out of it.

When Cloud was removed from his arms and carted away on a gurney in a rush of activity, the Carrier was left standing there staring at the group as they hurried farther away from him. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, couldn't think, and he couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. Zell was still with him, though, and tried to talk to him. Leon was vaguely aware that his friend was there, but he didn't respond to anything he said and just stared past him.

"Leon. Hey! Come on!" Zell said, snapping his fingers in front of the brunette's face. After a few more minutes of prodding, the Carrier startled a little and looked at him. The blonde frowned. "Are we going to follow them or just stand here?"

"Right. Sorry," Leon deadpanned, taking one last look around before following the gurney towards the lift into the garage.

There was a cacophony of noise in the Infirmary as Dr. Kadowaki barked out orders to her nurses as they scattered around pushing carts and gathering supplies. Leon and Zell made it to the clinic just as the doors to the largest exam room were closed and the activity therein was concealed. There were no windows on the doors, and when Leon tried to pull them open to see inside, they were locked. He pressed his ear up against the cold metal and listened as the good doctor ordered her nurses to start a transfusion and prep everything to get Cloud cleaned up.

"What's going on?" Reno sleepily asked from Rude's doorway. Leon and Zell looked to him.

"Cloud was hurt," the brunette said flatly. Reno furrowed his brows.

"Just now? I didn't hear anything."

"He was taken out of here and then hurt," Leon explained, pulling away from the door. He sullenly made his way to a chair and sat heavily. "And I wasn't here to stop it."

"Again, I didn't hear anything. I mean, I was asleep, but I'm not that heavy of a sleeper," Reno said. Running a hand through his tousled hair, he went to take a seat next to the other Carrier. "How bad is it?"

"Bad."

"Maybe Quistis can help," Zell said.

"Maybe," the brunette agreed.

"I'll be back. I'm going to go get her," the blonde volunteered before leaving quickly. Reno watched him leave with a raised brow before looking to Leon who was staring down at his hands. They were stained a light rust color from dried blood. Similarly, his pant legs were spattered with red in various places. He sighed and folded his arms on his knees and rested his forehead on them.

"I'm having a hard time doing things correctly," the brunette mumbled.

"You can't blame yourself for this. It was my idea for you to stay away, anyway. I'm sorry," Reno said, rubbing Leon's back between his shoulder blades.

"I need to think for myself more often."

"Possibly."

"The only problem with that is, I have no idea how to handle him. He doesn't like me and resists just about everything. He's childish, but with good reason, so it's not like I can really get angry at him for it," Leon sighed, sitting up again. He rubbed an eye with the back of his hand. "I can't think at the moment. Too much is happening and I don't know enough to comprehend it all."

"Squall?" came concerned voice from the Infirmary entrance. Both Carriers looked to the doors just as Rinoa made her way in, dressed in her pajamas. "I heard what happened," she said, strolling over to stand next to the brunette.

"How? We just got here five minutes ago," Leon said, with obvious skepticism in his voice. _Go away. You're the last person I want to see right now,_ he thought.

"Seifer told me."

Leon was on his feet in an instant, glaring down at the girl with all of the world's hatred burning through his eyes. "You saw him? Where?" he barked. She put up her hands defensively.

"Relax. He's gone."

"Where?"

"He left?"

"Where did he go?"

"I have no idea. After he talked to me, he just left. I didn't keep him around to interrogate him. I could hardly believe what he was telling me," she said innocently. Stepping forward, she slid her arms around his torso and pressed herself up against his chest. Immediately, the Carrier took her shoulder and nudged her back. His skin suddenly felt like it was going to peel from his body and crawl away. She pouted and looked up at him.

"Don't touch me," he said flatly. Rinoa randomly showing up seemed too precisely timed for his tastes. That, coupled with the fact that she had spoken to Seifer, someone she supposedly hated, Didn't help her case. Something wasn't right, and it radiated out of her faux innocence like a thick musk.

"I just wanted to try and comfort you. You're upset," Rinoa said.

"No. Really? I'm upset?" Leon mocked with a snort of disbelief.

"Don't be like that. I don't see anyone else trying to do it."

"Well! I guess I'm just invisible, aren't I?" Reno interjected from his seat, his arms crossed over his chest. The girl raised a brow at him before looking to Leon again.

"Comfort from a man and comfort from a woman are two different kinds of comforts. Women are just better at it. End of story," she said haughtily. "Don't you agree?"

"Nope," Leon said flatly.

"Well I noticed Zell heading in the other direction when I was on my way here. Just because you have one male friend that sticks around for you, doesn't mean all of them will. Just let me help you," she insisted, moving in for another hug. The Carrier put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around and nudged her towards the door.

"Uh uh, I see where this is going. Not happening. You can leave now," he said, keeping his anger and annoyance in check. What he really wanted to do was pick her up and hurl her out into the hallway, but he figured there were more civil ways he should probably try first.

"No, I'm not leaving. You need me," she said, trying to turn around again.

"Nope," Leon said, pushing her towards the door. She resisted, of course, but she couldn't match his strength. When they were close enough, the Carrier opened the doors and shoved her through them. She let out a yelp and staggered forward, but regained her footing just in time to turn around and see the doors close behind her. Leon held them closed as she tried to push them back open and eventually ended up sitting on the floor with his back against them; acting as a doorstop.

Reno giggled. "You're so popular. Between me and Rude, Zell, and her, you have an entire friend square to keep up with. How are you ever going to make time for everyone?"

"Shut up. She isn't my friend," Leon said, sending the redhead a glare.

"Okay fine. Friend triangle. Still not a circle, but I'll take it."

Leon heaved a heavy sigh and pulled his legs to his chest and rested his face on his knees. "I'm too exhausted for this. I just…"

"Come on," Reno said, standing and going to offer his hand to the brunette. Leon allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and followed his friend into Rude's bedroom where the Charge was sitting up looking half-asleep but considerably better than the last time Leon saw him. They exchanged halfhearted waves of acknowledgement as Reno headed for the bathroom with the brunette in tow. "Get cleaned up. I'll be right back," he said, heading out into the room again to retrieve a pair of loose fitting pants and a clean t-shirt. Tossing them in the bathroom with Leon, he closed the door and went to sit on his bed.

"What happened?" Rude asked tiredly.

"Cloud was hurt somehow. Did you hear anything?"

"Not like that. I heard someone fucking somewhere, though," the Charge said, rubbing an eye. Reno raised a brow.

"Really? Where the hell was I?"

"Asleep. It wasn't very loud. I just happened to wake up for a bit. It was one of the nurses, I think."

"Well I should _hope_ so. I'd be thoroughly grossed out if it was the doctor lady. I'd seriously reconsider staying here if that's her idea of proper clinic conduct. Eugh," the redhead said with a shiver.

"Middle aged women are allowed to have sex, too," Rude said with a bit of a rasp before descending into a coughing fit. Reno frowned.

"Yeah. They are, but not in the middle of a medical facility. I can blame the nurse's age for her stupidity easily enough, but not the doctor's."

In the bathroom, Leon was having a bit of a crisis. Once the change of clothes had landed at his feet and he was alone, the gravity of the situation smacked into him full force. His Charge was dying, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. To make things worse, it was his fault. There was a light tremor that wiggled its way through all of his muscles until his entire body was trembling with overwhelming fear. He held onto the rim of the sink to keep his balance as the shaking threatened to make him fall. After a moment, he slowly lowered himself to the floor. As soon as his knees met the tile, he covered his face in his hands as a quiet sob shuddered from him.

His breakdown didn't last very long, and after several minutes of nearly silent hysterics, he was able to stand and get cleaned up properly. The trembling hadn't stopped and it made the simple tasks somewhat difficult, but he was eventually able to get changed and step back into Rude's bedroom. Reno was on his bed and gave the brunette a worried once-over. Leon looked much more beleaguered than he had fifteen minutes ago. His friend didn't say much and made his way to the side of the redhead's bed. Leon lifted the covers and yanked them out from under Reno, forcing the redhead to roll away. The brunette flopped onto the mattress and reached out. He hooked and arm around Reno's waist and pulled him across the bed again, imposing himself on his friend and moving them around so he could lay between Reno's legs and use his stomach as a pillow. His arms wove around the other's midsection as he hung onto the redhead's warmth as if his life depended on it.

"You could've just asked, you know. You didn't need to manhandle me," Reno said with a bit of strain, shifting himself around enough to get comfortable. He settled back against the pillows with a huff. It took him a moment, but he was ultimately able to feel Leon's light shaking and immediately understood the abrupt cuddle. He glanced at Rude who looked understandably confused. Reno gave him a soft reassuring smile before returning his attention back to Leon. He ran his fingers through the brunette's hair. Leon didn't say anything. He was afraid to speak since he was sure he would simply break apart if he tried. The rhythmic petting was enough to lull his foggy mind some and he eventually calmed enough to close his eyes.

Not too long after Leon started to calm down, Zell returned with Quistis in tow. The instructor immediately made her way to the exam room door and was invited inside by Dr. Kadowaki. There was nothing for anyone else to do, so Zell went to find his Carrier friend. It was unsettling to find Leon getting somewhat motherly comfort from Reno, mostly because he never thought the brunette was much of a cuddler. Zell didn't say anything as he entered and made his way to sit on the edge of the bed. Reno gave him a lopsided half-smile but didn't make a move to do much else. Leon was turned away from the door and Zell invited himself to sit and place a hand on the brunette's back to rub him comfortingly. The Carrier heaved a heavy sigh but didn't make an effort to stop either of them.

* * *

After a while, Leon was able to drift off into a light snooze. Zell moved off the bed to an armchair to do the same. Reno was left holding the proverbial bags as he uncomfortably sat under Leon's weight and couldn't do anything. He didn't have the heart to shove the brunette off of him so he supposed it was his own fault. However, his attention was pulled away from how he couldn't feel his legs when Quistis peeked into the room looking for Leon.

"Should I come back?" she asked quietly. Reno shook his head and started prodding at Leon's face until he started to wake up. The brunette smacked his hand away.

"Stop molesting me," he said with a grumble.

"You need to get up and pay attention. There are important things happening. And also, I'd like to confirm that my legs are still alive, please," Reno said, stuffing his hands under Leon's armpits and lifting. Unimpressed, the brunette let himself become dead weight in Reno's hands, all while giving the redhead a glare. Reno snorted back a laugh. "I'm sorry to say your 'I'm going to stab you in the balls' face is actually pretty cute. It doesn't really help you."

"Shut up," Leon spat, pulling away from his friend. Once sitting up, he gave the grinning redhead a shove back into the pillows.

Quistis cleared her throat. "Squall," she said. Leon's attention snapped to the door and he threw himself out of the bed to go to her.

"How is he?" he asked anxiously.

"Come with me."

The first thing Leon noticed when they stepped into Cloud's room was the overwhelming smell of blood. It made his stomach churn and allowed some of the panic to creep back in to his muscles. His Charge was laying face down on a bed that made it feel like there was a gaping hole in the middle of the Carrier's chest. It was an autopsy table. However, it was a little different. Cloud's back was covered by a white cube-like tent that stood on the edges of the table and hung a couple inches above his skin with a zipper down the middle of it. Only his head, forearms, and calves could be seen hanging out from under the fabric. He also had a pillow under his face, which helped Leon cope with the idea that his Charge wasn't on the table because he was dead. Dead people don't care about pillows. It took him several brief moments to realize there was a breathing tube in place and the blonde had been hooked up to a series of monitors, which was also morbidly reassuring.

"Did he wake up at all?" Leon asked, looking to Quistis. She shrugged.

"I honestly don't know. He was already on the table and somewhat cleaned up by the time I got here. I wasn't able to do much for him, I'm afraid. I can show you," she said. Leon nodded, though he wasn't sure he really wanted to see the damage. The woman made her way to the side of the table and gently pulled the tent's zipper down and opened the flaps of fabric. Cloud had been cleaned up to a certain degree, but his back was still covered in heinous wounds that looked like Dr. Kadowaki hadn't even attempted to close. The skin between them was mostly clean and the smaller cuts had been healed, but Cloud was still bleeding and was obviously still in a bad way. Panic was replaced by anger as the Carrier took it all in.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why isn't he closed up? You're just going to let him lie there and bleed out?" the brunette barked. Quistis put her hands up defensively.

"Calm down. This is actually a good thing."

"How can I calm down? He's dying! It may be good for you and whatever agenda you have, but for me, this is sort of bad," Leon said, running his fingers through his hair as he looked around. His mind was racing through a checklist of things he needed to find before he could start closing his Charge up himself. Quistis put her hands on his shoulders.

"Listen to me. It's okay. We have it under control. Come here," she insisted, pulling the Carrier by his shirt sleeve to take a closer look.

"I don't want to," Leon said meekly. Despite the protests, he followed the woman and leaned over with her. The threat of tears was looming just behind his shoulder as she pointed along the edge of one of Cloud's wounds. The skin was singed and blackened.

"That is what is stopping me from healing him completely, but it's okay. It's actually better this way," Quistis explained.

"I don't understand."

"This black stuff is caused by Mako burns. Zell explained to me what happened, and whatever Seifer used to cut him was probably covered in Mako. When it's mixed with blood, it actually causes friction against our blood cells and generates heat. When it comes in contact with the open air, it only makes things worse. Generally, when people use Mako, they feel very warm; it's the same idea, only lessened because it's self-contained and inside the body versus exposed to air," she explained further. She stood straight and crossed her arms over her chest.

"But you can't heal it?"

"No, because it's creating a barrier that's keeping the skin from coming together and healing closed. To Eden, it's the same as any internal damage he may have suffered from Mako abuse. But, like I said, it's okay. This is actually a good opportunity for us to help him."

"I still don't understand," Leon said with a sigh. He went to the far side of the room and pulled a chair across the floor. Sitting at the head of the table, he looked his Charge's face over with obvious broken heartedness.

"There's a lot of stuff happening inside him at the moment, the most prevalent of which are the toxins floating around in his bloodstream. Detoxing from Mako essentially means that we let his body naturally filter out and remove whatever isn't right, yeah? Well, we have an alternative here. There is an opportunity to essentially negate that entire process, but it requires a bit of time and a lot of resources. We need to bleed him out and replace his fluids. It would take him weeks to do this by himself, and that's only if his kidneys and liver haven't been too damaged and can keep up. The probability of that happening completely without some sort of replacement of internal organs is very slim, I'll be honest with you. However, in order to get everything out of him, we would have to do a complete transfusion, and a lot of the times that either requires an injury or something where we have to replace what is lost very quickly, or we slowly remove some and slowly put new blood in. The latter generally takes just as long as a normal detox so it's sort of a waste in the long run. Since we're keeping his wounds open, we have the option of doing the first process."

"This is still too dangerous for my tastes. We shouldn't even be in here right now; he's going to get infected with something. It's not sterile," Leon said.

"Infections we can deal with, don't worry about that," Quistis said, walking around to the opposite side of the table. She picked up a dark silicone tube, one end of which disappeared under the cube-like tent near Cloud's hips. "This is his bloodline. He's on blood thinners at the moment to hopefully keep him bleeding and to get the viscosity of his fluids to drop some so we can get this done quickly," she said, letting the line hang again. "It won't fix him, but it'll help his recovery substantially. We need your help, though. We only have so much blood available to us, and your charts say you're a universal donor. If you want to see this process through to the end, we need you to help."

"Yes. Of course. Reno and Rude are the same type as I am. So is Cloud, actually," Leon said, reaching up to gently push a piece of blonde hair off his Charge's brow.

"That's… oddly convenient," Quistis said with a suspicious look.

"It's purposeful. Don't worry about it," the brunette said. All Charges and Carriers share the same blood type specifically for emergencies. Some people theorize that the shortage of universal blood donors and receivers on other planes is caused by the Technicians and Carriers pulling those specific citizens out of society to take them home for their projects.

"Okay… well, I just wanted to let you know where we were with this. We don't need you just yet, but we probably will soon. This process only moves as quickly as he bleeds. He's hooked up to a monitor that regulates the blood flow going in depending on what his blood pressure is so he isn't overloaded or losing too much. An excess of blood could do some serious damage to his heart, which doesn't sound all that great to begin with," Quistis said.

"I know," the Carrier agreed. He was beginning to wonder how many of Cloud's organs would need to be replaced when they finally returned home together. Like Zach's liver, any replacements would be made of artificial materials, but would last ten times longer than organic ones. Perhaps it was for the best in the long run. However, he wouldn't be able to figure out how everything was until they got home. He could only hope that Cloud lasted that long.

"That's all I have for you. Get some sleep. I'll let you know when we need you," Quistis said, stepping to the Carrier's side and rubbing his back reassuringly.

"What's going to happen to Seifer?" Leon asked as he stood. He couldn't help but stare at Cloud's open wounds and the trickles of blood that dripped down his sides and into the open drains of the autopsy table. The setting suddenly made much more sense now that he understood what was happening. Quistis moved to close the zipper on the tent again.

"I don't know. I haven't spoken to Headmaster Cid yet. Seifer's father is a very well decorated General and is really the only reason Seifer is still here. In reality, he should've been expelled a over year ago. Seifer's never been a model student, but his behavior has been out of control the last few months. I'm not sure what's going on with him, but his sadistic methods of… whatever he was hoping to accomplish is really not something we condone. Because we're technically responsible for him, we're going to do all we can to make it up to you, but I can't say he's going to go anywhere. I wish I knew more. I'm sorry," she said, turning to the brunette with apologetic eyes.

"It's not your fault."

"I still feel like I should apologize. You've been through so much. I don't think I've ever seen you smile. Have you _ever_ had a good day since you've come to live here? It makes me wonder if it's even worth having you stay with us. Maybe going home to Esthar would be better."

"I haven't decided if I should stay or leave. It depends on how Cloud is doing at this point. If he gets better enough to where I can move him without causing more problems, then I'll probably leave. Until that point, I'll earn my keep," Leon said with a shrug. "And… I think I've had a couple of decent days. Don't worry too much."

"You're sure?" the woman asked with blatant skepticism in her voice.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Thank you for doing what you can. I'm going to go back to my room or something, now."

"Okay. Goodnight Squall."

"Goodnight."

Numbness was all Leon could feel as he left Cloud's room. Part of him wanted to stay behind and glue himself to his Charge's side, but he needed to get away from the smell of blood and burnt skin. The good that was coming out of the situation was heavily overshadowed by the bad, and when he tried to think about the details, his brain turned to mush. All he could do was attempt to trust Quistis. He had a problem with trust, and putting Cloud's livelihood in someone else's hands was very difficult for him. He decided to just not think about it. Letting the numbness overtake his thoughts and emotions, he wandered back into Reno's room, bid his farewells with minimal explanation, picked up his clothes, and went back to his dorm. The brunette's clipped departure didn't sit well with the redhead, but he didn't say anything and left Leon alone. When Zell got up and tried to follow after him, Reno called him back and told him to do the same.

* * *

For two days Leon sat in his room attempting to recollect his broken mentality. The pieces were scattered at his feet and his deadened fingertips couldn't seem to put them back together very well. Reno, Zell, and Quistis tried to visit him and comfort him, but he politely turned them away. He only left his room to eat, but even then, the effort was slight. He spent most of his time watching pieces of Cloud's childhood again, attempting to erase the last couple years of his Charge's life from his memory and replace it with a picture that made him smile a little more. Fat roly-poly baby Cloud was still his favorite, though young adolescent Cloud was slowly catching up simply because he was stupidly sweet.

Eventually, he was forced to think when Quistis came to get him for a blood donation. He followed her listlessly, looking at nothing in particular. They hardly talked as she hooked him up to a bag and gave him a little ball to squeeze to keep the blood moving. Once he was finished, he opted to stay in the room with Cloud. Quistis went to retrieve Reno to ask for a donation as well. Rude was still too sick to give anything, though he was willing to.

"You look… not very awake," Reno said as he came into the room and looked Leon over.

"I don't feel very awake," the brunette admitted.

"Are you going to become a hermit again after this?"

"I wasn't trying to be. I just needed everything to stop for a couple days. I'm sorry I neglected you, dear," Leon said flatly. Reno laughed.

"Do you feel better?"

"Somewhat."

"Good," the redhead said as he took his seat. His donation was over quickly and Quistis left them alone shortly after she put the blood bags in storage. Once she was gone, Reno sat up and gave his friend a serious face. "You're sure you're doing better?"

"For now, yes," Leon said as he kept his eyes on Cloud's face.

"For now?"

"I can't afford to let myself think that everything is okay. What Quistis said makes sense. His blood is contaminated, it's causing other problems, so we flush out the bad blood and give him new blood. That's all well and good, but what does that leave behind? What other damage will pop up when it's over with? I'm not confident that they have the resources here to fix everything. Things are better than they were a couple days ago, but it's still not good enough," Leon said with a sigh. "When he's healed and able to walk on his own and be normal again, that's when I'll stop worrying."

"That's going to be a while, yet."

"I know. I'm not looking forward to it."

"Well, for now, I'd like you to try and focus on the positives. Constantly worrying may be the natural thing to do but you're killing yourself slowly by letting it get to you so much. It's not a hopeless situation, Leon. In fact, there are more things that can go right now that he's here and getting better," Reno said as he stood and went to the side of Cloud's makeshift bed. Leon didn't have a response and wasn't willing to openly admit that the redhead was right. With a curious face, Reno carefully unzipped the cloth of the cube-like tent that hovered over Cloud's skin. He raised a brow and scrunched up his face disdainfully.

"What?" Leon asked.

"I haven't looked at it before now. God, that's a lot of damage."

"Thank you. I know," the brunette grumbled, slouching in his seat.

"Are they purposefully keeping him open?"

"Yeah. He isn't healing very fast, but they're keeping him from clotting and the wounds from closing. He'll have to heal on his own eventually. They can't do it for him like they normally would."

"That's going to be some badass scarring," Reno said.

"I doubt he'll notice, honestly. It's behind him, unlike mine," Leon said, pulling up the hem of his shirt and glancing at the marred skin on his stomach.

"The one on your face healed up okay, though. I don't notice it anymore."

"I do."

"Well you can rest assured you're still cute as a button. No worries," Reno said with a wide smile. Leon scowled at him and smoothed his shirt down again. Reno leaned over Cloud's back with a scrutinizing face as he looked over the damage. He scanned the skin carefully, but stopped at the blonde's lower back and furrowed his brows as he tilted his head to the side and looked past the perimeter of the cloth opening. "Holy shit," he said.

"What is it?" Leon asked, standing quickly. His fingers began to twitch with anxious worry; he was thinking Reno found something else that was wrong.

"Have you looked at his ass? Seriously," Reno asked, standing straight again. He went to the end of the table and took the excess fabric off Cloud's legs and lifted so he could see under it. "_Damn_," he said.

"What?" Leon asked again, thoroughly confused. He went to Reno's side and glanced under the fabric. Cloud's ass looked like an ass. Nothing special. "What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong here is that I never noticed how nice it is. He never really wore any pants that showed it off. That's a crime against humanity," Reno said. Leon smacked the fabric out of his hands and shoved him away.

"Fucking hell, Reno. Go creep on your own Charge," he sputtered. Reno grinned.

"But your Charge is the one with the shapely lady butt. Rude has a nice ass, but it's a man ass. It doesn't jiggle very much, but I bet Cloud's does. When we get home, you need to get that boy some nice pants that fit him right. _Everyone_ will be gay for him. They'll all be jealous of you."

Leon ran a hand over his face. "Oh my _god_, Reno. Go _away_."

"You can't tell me you never noticed. I've never seen him naked so at least I have an excuse."

"No. I never noticed. But now I can't unsee it."

"Hah! Good. This is good," Reno said, rubbing his hands together.

"No it isn't! Go away!"

"To be honest, I don't like him, but I'd fuck him. I'll be damned if I let him come at me with that support beam of a dick, but if it's the other way around, I'd totally be all over that."

"I'm going to kill you," Leon said, taking a few steps towards his friend. Reno laughed and took a few steps back.

"You know who else has a fat ass? Zell. The backs of their heads look very similar, too. It'd be really easy to do either one of them and fantasize about the other."

"Why the _fuck_ do you think about this shit?"

"Why don't _you_? That's a better question. I'm perfectly okay with my sexual self. You, on the other hand, I wouldn't be surprised if you jerked off and you suddenly flooded your bedroom with all the reserves you have built up. You're such a prude," Reno said simply with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Leon had had enough and lunged at his friend with his arms outstretched, reaching for his throat. Reno laughed and jumped back and strafed to the side. The brunette was quick to react, though, and tackled into the redhead shoulder first. Reno let out a loud grunt as the wind was knocked from his lungs and they both toppled to the floor, knocking over a supply cart in the process. Leon pushed himself up on all fours, hovering above the redhead with a vicious sneer marring his face. He laid a hand over Reno's throat and squeezed just enough to get his point across. The redhead looked up at him with wide eyes and gasped a little through a pinched windpipe.

"I'm tired of your shit. Shut the fuck up, or I will cut you into steaks and eat you. Understand?" the brunette spat. Reno nodded some and Leon let him go.

"I was trying to ruffle your feathers, not force you off the deep end. Jeeze," the redhead said, sitting up. He rubbed his neck lightly with a frown. Leon sat next to him with his head in his hands.

"I know," he said tiredly.

"Then why'd you flip out? You could've seriously hurt me, asshole."

"Because…" the brunette trailed with a sigh. He took a second to collect his thoughts before trying to speak again. He mashed the heels of his hands in his eyes ad rubbed. "Because Zell has been trying to get me to sleep with him and I'm not necessarily against it, but I can't get that comfortable yet. You just made it a hundred times worse now that I know about shit I didn't even think about before."

"Oh," Reno deadpanned. "Well damn, you could've said something. I knew you guys were buds and whatever but I didn't know it was _that_ involved. Actually, I had a feeling he watched you a little too closely but I didn't get any of that from you so I thought it was one-sided and you didn't notice. I'm sorry. Had I known, I would've picked something else to pester you about."

"Why do you have to pester me at all?"

"Honestly? Because it's easy. It also distracts you from the rain cloud that seems to follow you around all the time."

"I don't like it. Stop it."

"Grow a bit of a skin and get over it. So long as you keep it easy, I'm going to keep it up. I can't figure out another way to get you to stop hyper focusing on all the bad shit so this is what you get."

"I don't do it on purpose."

"I know. But you also do nothing to help yourself. So, as your friend, I have to make you uncomfortable with talk of penises and lady asses," Reno said with a wide smile. Leon punched him in the shoulder causing the redhead to jump a little and suck in a breath. He pouted some and rubbed his abused limb. "I was serious about everything I said, though. They both have crazy similarities from behind."

"I know. You can be quiet now, Reno."


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 52 is on AO3. There is a direct link on my profile. The rest of my updates will be on there.

-Thank you!


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